Snacks From the Butler's Pantry

My best friend had betrayed me. To get back at him, I broke into his house to pull some pranks Amelie style. Walking around his house, seeing all his personal belongings, I started to have second thoughts. I decided I should be the better person, and not seek revenge. The next day, the news came to me that he had foreclosed on his mortgage. The bank was auctioning off his house and all his belongings.

I attended the auction, and bought his favorite antique desk for a fraction of it's value. I hauled it back to my garage, and started sanding off the finish with a power sander. The look on his face was priceless when he saw me destroying his most prized possession. Little did he know, I was actually going to refinish it and give it back to him.

Sanding the beast took some time. It seemed like the more I sanded, the bigger the desk became. More sides kept appearing. More nooks and crannies that I had missed. At one point, I realized I was sanding the rubberized handle of a stapler that was in the desk drawer. I followed one of the long table legs, and realized it turned into an ornate railing for a huge staircase. This was going to take longer than I thought!

I started clearing away an area around the stairs so I would not get sawdust on all my stuff. At the top of the stairs, I found a small box with a huge centipede in it. It was terrible looking. It was at least a foot long, and had a grotesque head shaped like a lobster claw. It was stuck in the box, and was slowly wiggling it's poisonous claw-head around trying to free itself. Not wanting to touch it with my bare hands, I ran into the bedroom to find something I could use to scoop it up. I found a decorated paper bag in a pile of Christmas wrapping paper. When I opened it, I realized there were more centipedes inside. They looked like flattened scorpions, with long centipede necks that ended in sharp claw heads. They were spilling all over the floor, as I scrambled to scoop them up without getting bitten. They kept multiplying, and soon there were baby centipede-scorpions everywhere.

"Screw this!" I yelled out loud, frustrated. I vaulted over the guard rail, and slid down the banister on my feet. Halfway down, I leaped into the air and spread my arms out to either side. My arms sprouted feathers and flattened into eagle wings. I tucked my legs beneath me, folding my knees into my chest, and extending my toes into long bird talons. I glided down towards an open door, and out into the sunlight.

I beat my wings, and lifted into the air to turn over in an exhilarating high loop. Coming down from the loop, I thought for a second to remember what I wanted to do. I remembered the Dream Views task of the month to taste something intangible. I ended my loop a few feet off the ground, hovering near a stone lamp post at the foot of a driveway. I reached out toward the red stone with my human hand, and tried to draw the color off of it. A cloud of dark red dust lifted off the surface, and covered my fingers like dust from a terracotta conte crayon. I brought my fingers to my lips and licked them. They tasted gritty and earthy, like clay. "This is what red must tase like," I thought to myself.

Not satisfied with this result, I looked up to the beautiful blue sky above me. I was amazed at how clear my environment was, and how far I could see in all directions. I floated upward, towards the beautiful clear sky. I had to get above the shadows of the surrounding buildings. As I floated upward, I saw the sun crest the roof of the nearest house. As it appeared, I opened my mouth wide to suck in it's brilliant light. I immediately had the sensation of my mouth filling with something. I could feel pressure on my tongue, like opening your mouth while under water. It tasted leafy, like cooked spinach. I thought to myself, "I must be tasting my own chlorophyll, like a plant."

The light from the sun was blinding me no matter how much I squinted. I instinctively closed my eyes for a second to block out it's bright light. As soon as my eyes shut, I found myself back in bed.