non-lucid

I had this dream on the night of April 7, 2011. I only remember fragments.

My fiance and I had moved into a new house. We were unpacking our things and I was in the guest bathroom. I was cleaning the toilet and flushed it, then walked into another room. I heard water hitting the floor and came back into the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing. I yelled for my fiance to turn off the water as water began to flow into the living room. He asked me how to turn it off and I told him I didn't know with frustration. I was panicking as our items were getting soaked. I began picking things up that were getting wet and setting them on the table. Outside the bathroom, there was a cupboard with glass doors, a table in the center of the room, and another hutch on the wall adjacent to the bathroom with two glass doors looking outside. It was all a chestnut colored wood, like mahogany. The floors were not carpeted, but were stone tile.

Finally, the water was turned off and I looked at the area in disgust. The water was mixed with cleaning chemicals and I was very upset.

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I was in a small hut in an oriental area. The hut had vivid red silk on the walls with gold tassles. I was inside the hut hiding. There was a tiny chihuahua inside (a little gold one) and I was trying to coax it to come over to me. I remember I needed to get the dog and leave. It was imperative I got that dog and ran away!

I had this dream the night of February 3, 2011. I remember only pieces of it

I was at my grandparents ranch with my parents and we were going to go out to see the horses. The horses there were ones that had been alive when I was a child. Pistol Pete was there and I had to keep warding him off with a whip. There was a horse that we called "Halle" because she had a mane that looked like Halle Berry's hair style. I remember I had to keep warding off the stallion, because he was getting close. I was petting all of the horses and remembering them. I was recording video and I was thinking how I could use this for a project.

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I was in the car with my fiance and we were entering a parking garage. It was in a suburban area and it was drizzling out/overcast. I was upset and knew he was going to buy something from one of these vendors. We passed dangerous looking men sitting in their 'souped up' cars that were selling stereos, upholsterey, and other random items. They were also selling narcotics. As we ascended the parking garage levels, I noticed women were standing near the cars in high heels and short skirts with too much makeup on. My fiance said "Don't look at them, look away". I started to retort as I made eye contact with one of the women and she came running at the car screaming. When she got close, her long, pink nails started clawing at the window; trying to scratch off my face. She was screaming something at me and I began to panic as I noticed the window was rolling down. My fiance got out of the car to go talk to one of the men in a car. The woman, noticing that my fiance got out of the car, stopped trying to attack me and clipped over his way and started talking to the men. I thought to myself that this is not the life I wanted to live and took my ring off. I then got out of the car, thinking of throwing the ring, but I put it in my pocket instead.

I took off briskly walking, hearing my fiance call my name, but ignroing him. I descended the parking garage floors until I was out on the street. It was dusk and more people were approaching the area. There was a light rain falling. I noticed bouncers letting people past them to the garage area. I felt very vulnerable and didn't know where I was going, but I knew I had to get away. There were homeless people on the streets near me and I began to walk more assertively. I then saw my fiance (although he wasn't my fiance anymore) walking out looking for me. He looked lost and he was wearing glasses and I noticed the rain was causing them to fog up. I felt my heart begin to melt as I noticed he was crying and I stepped toward him to let him know I was ok.

The alarm went off

I had this dream within the last month- forgot to write it down

I was at my old high school, but it was by the ocean. The driveway up to the school bordered the sea and was a spiral. In the center of the spiral was the main office. I was walking through the halls; I guess I had class. I had books with me. I somehow knew it was time to go- that school was out. I took flight, without any means to do so, and was flying above the office and down the spiral. I remember I wasn't entirely sure how to fly and felt unstable. I noticed at the front of the school was a very large sand sculpture in the shape of an old egyptian. Waves were thundering against the sculture and eating away at it. At the top of this sand sculture was the school- it was built on sand. I realized that as the waves beat away, the entire structure was giving way. Other people showed up and we were starting to build up the sculture again, trying to keep it stable. We were extending it so that there were more layers. The waves were getting bigger and bigger. The sculture was seated, but we changed its shape so it was laying down- so its legs would block the sea. We finally felt as if we had successfully built up the structure against the waves and rested.

We were going fishing, my fiance and I. we were deep in the woods, redwoods, the ground was warm and the sun was filtering through the canopy of needled branches. He was at the front of the car, unloading our bags, and I was walking around to the back to get something out. As I went to open the handle, I noticed two eyes staring at me. Dark eyes with dark hair that was covered in a fine mist of the same dirt I was stepping on. Burrowed into the dead pine needles so I didn't see, so we didn't notice. I couldn't see anything but his eyes up, but I knew that he was smiling, a devilish grin. I remember choking on my words, trying to yell to my fiance to help. I couldn't get the words out, and the man was crawling out from under the bumper, like a spider extending its limbs to hunt its prey. I backed up, started running around to the front of the car, yelling "Stop, leave us alone!"

The man didn't talk, circled the car, I was standing in front of my fiance, he was trying to stand in front of me, a dance of protection. The stranger had that startling smile on his face and began to approach us. I suddenly rushed forward and pushed him, flat hands on his chest, but he barely moved. Barely indicated he'd felt anything.

I knew my fiance would try to protect me, but that's what this stranger wanted. I could tell he wasn't going to do anything, just his presence would be enough, and then once the first blow had been thrown, he would react, claim self defense. He would rip my life from my hands. I didn't know this stranger, but I knew what he wanted.

I started slamming my fists into his chest as my fiance moved toward us. "Leave..us...alone!" I cried out, feeling tired, sluggish. The shock was coursing through my veins. My mind was starting to grow fuzzy. As my fiance stepped closer, the stranger suddenly reached out, moving like a well calculated animal, grabbing me, pulling me toward him, and then fleeing. He had to be taller than me, for my feet didn't drag, but his arm around my waist was hard and he ran like a gazelle through the woods. I was beating him, trying to kick him, but it was as if he wasn't phased. I looked at his face, the vein on his neck pulsing, and his eyes wild. He was breathing heavily and yet he ran at a dizzying pace. I heard my fiance screaming for me, running after us, and I realized I was screaming too. Screaming for help.

And then, somehow, he dropped me, ran into a small town, and threw me down in the bushes, and ran to an open vehicle, turned it on, flipped on the lights, and peeled out, heading away. I remember laying there, in the brush, panting and shaking. I thought the worst was over, he'd stopped. But then I realized why. He didn't want me. He never wanted me.

It was with a sickening and sinking feeling I watched my fiance run past me, his eyes wide, his body set to kill. He was running to save me, but he didn't see me, ran right past me, saw the stranger peeling away in a car, and stopped thinking; started doing. He ran up to a beat up old pickup, barely hanging together, and somehow the keys were in it, he got them, I don't know how, I was barely aware of where I was, yet alone what was happening, but I saw him leap into the cab and take off, the truck's engine whining loudly.

I ran into a store, bewildered, told them to call 9-1-1, didn't tell them why, didn't know what it would do. That there was a strange man that had grabbed me, had driven off. A woman inside, large and unhappy looking, began to grumble. The stranger had stolen her car, she suddenly realized, and began to complain how she hoped he didn't scratch it. I remember standing by the road, frantic, watching the pickup reach the top of the hill, start to careen beyond view.

And then a loud POP. It echoed through the trees, reached my ears, made my heart stop. I saw dust rise up, beyond my view, a few miles off, where the road snaked, and I began to pant heavily. My heart began to beat loudly in my ears. The woman in the store was crying and mumbling about how she just knew her car was dented. I turned around, to the few women in the little store, it looked like a little convenience store like you see in the mountains, and I whispered, "Did that sound like a gunshot?"

No one met my gaze and I turned to look, watched people looking as the dust continued to curl up from the forest. I didn't hear the whine of the old truck anymore. I heard a woman quietly whisper to another that it sounded like a tire. I began to shudder and I started trotting down the road, aware it was miles between myself and whatever lay ahead, knowing I could barely stand, let alone run, because I was so frightened; shock settling in.

Sirens blared as two sheriff's vehicles barreled down the road toward the 'scene'. I couldn't even fathom what was there. I couldn't bear to consider that it was even a 'scene'. I stood on the side of the road, breathing heavily, watching; waiting.

After what seemed hours, I saw a familar car coming down the rise. It was my fiance's car. I felt a flood of relief rush over my body. And then, as the car neared, fear began to trickle back into my veins and my hands and face began to tingle as I realized much too late that he hadn't been driving his car. That he'd taken that pickup. As it rolled up to me, I saw a woman in the front seat, a clipboard on her lap.

She opened the door as I ran over to it, tears beginning to fill in my eyes. There had to be an explanation. Maybe he was being held for questioning. Maybe the stranger had crashed. Maybe it was a gun. Maybe...maybe a thousand possibilities.

The woman looked up at me, dark hair, a white shirt on, but a large gun in the holster on her hip. She had a hardened face and her large fingers grasped a pen as she wrote on a clipboard. I was staring at her, and she looked up and said sternly, "Ma'am, it seems the tire pressure was too much, the thing popped, truck went off the road." I felt an icy cold horror begin to pierce my body. "The truck hit, cab came clear off...the cab's badly dented, we're trying to get to it, but we can't be sure if he survived."

The ice hit my heart and I began to hyperventilate as I slowly asked, "What?" I blinked, my hands shaking violently as time seemed to move without taking me with it. I wasn't aware of time or place or myself, just of the beat that was my startled heart. Then, as the seconds ticked by, devastation flooded my body and I screamed, "What?! WHAT?!" I began to feel like I was suffocating, grabbing my chest, a sob stuck in my throat, screaming in a shrill voice, "WHERE IS HE?!" I looked up to where the dust was beginning to clear and imagined him, the truck at the bottom of a ravine, the cab stuck, smashed, to the point of no return. I imagined him having a few seconds, bleeding to death, trying to get free as the life dripped out of him. I started to run, dragging my feet, my mind unable to comprehend what I would do if I weren't there and he died. If he had already died. What I would do if I lost him.




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I woke up gasping, my heart thundering in my chest, tears welling in my eyes.



A dream.

I had this dream the night of 08/29/2010.

I remember I was at some sort of debate/speech competition. We were on a large, expansive campus. I had the feeling it was in the desert; there was little brush or vegetation around and the buildings were tan. I was one of the coaches in charge. M., my fiance, was there. I knew he was in the large cafeteria/dining hall with the students. The league president of the area suddenly drew a meeting. He had a large map up on a projection screen and the coaches crammed around it. He told us there had been a bomb threat. We all grumbled, as if this happened often. I remember asking if we should take it seriously. The league president, K., said that due to protocol, we had to. We all began arranging our things when the atmosphere changed. Someone had gotten a call or somehow we knew that this threat was not only real, but it had been received around the world. Our map now started sprouting new threats in the area, big yellow boundaries being drawn in the counties threatened.

I didn't have a phone, and I suddenly rushed to the cafeteria to find M. Students were streaming from the cafeteria, and I frantically searched for M. I couldn't find him and I was screaming for him, running around in the crowd. I could feel the fear in everyone around me and I finally spotted M in the distance. I started running, but I felt as if I were running in slow motion. I couldn't run fast enough. The skies started to turn dusty and the crowds thinned as people tried to get away.

In the distance, I saw my horse, Deacon. I whistled to him and he turned. I whistled desperately again and he turned and game galloping toward me. I was still trying to reach M. Deacon leapt over two fences and I was suddenly leaping onto his back. I felt the only way to get away was to ride away on him, because no one had vehicles and I knew we wouldn't survive this explosion.

I turned Deacon towards M and M swung on behind me. I then turned Deacon away from the buildings, toward the open desert, and we started off.

But then we were in the ocean. We were deep down, at the depths, and I remember we were enshrined by some sort of spider-like creature and we were caught in her web. She was talking to us. M was there and I remember being so relieved. He was some sort of worm and I was some sort of crab. I remember we talked to the small, red spider as she brought us down to the sea floor. It was tropical looking water. She was telling us we would be safe here, in the ocean, at the bottom, while the world rebuilt itself. That no one would survive the explosions, and that only we would survive. That we might be down here for a long time. That our bodies had been transformed so we could survive here in the ocean together. M and I swam around each other and were so happy that we were not apart. I remember feeling so happy.

I then remember 'waking' up in a train station. It was dusty outside. There was a train enginge outside a glass-walled building. People were sitting inside on the benches. I thought, "Oh no, my body is still up here!" As if part of our soul had been transferred down into the ocean, but my other half was up here. I remember screaming out for M , but he was nowhere. Conductors looked at me angrily for being loud. No one seemed concerned, but I knew we were being evacuated. But what I knew was this explosion would obliterate life on the surface of the planet. I then looked at the train engine and noticed a spark. It was like the spark from a gas line, sparking and trying to catch. I turned to run inside, but my feet moved so slowly. I screamed "HEY" and dove into the walls. The engine exploded.

Then, I was standing next to the engine, but I was inside. The scene was quiet. I was right back where I had woken up before, as is back in time. I turned and noticed the spark on the engine again. I became panicked and rushed to hide behind something, knowing I wouldn't be saved. The engine exploded. A great roar.

I was back in time, back in the station. I suddenly ran to people, pleading them to help me. I knew M was in the ocean, waiting for me, and that my mind and consciousness was up here, on the surface. I was sobbing and begging people to help me. I was crying and I remember asking anyone who listened to please help me, I needed to get back. I was so overcome with grief. I felt like my heart was exploding. As I was sobbing, sitting on the bench, I heard the ticking of the spark on the engine. My mood turned for the worse and I was completely engulfed in despair. I lowered my head and waiting for the explosion once more, knowing I would never rejoin the love of my life and that my body down there would soon be lifeless and I would leave M all alone, waiting for eternity, waiting to come back up and find my body.

I woke up and was still raptured with the pain and despair.