Thread: Awareness in dreams, and "Shadows"

In the past three years I've experienced a handful of DILD's, and always have popped out of them pretty quickly as is typical, from being so excited to awaken.

The past few weeks I really stepped up my practice and have focused on LD's. I've had several, and almost without exception, there has been a theme of disgusting, foul, morphing monsters approaching me for love. One was so hideous that I closed my dream eyes, but held it and the tenderest, sweetest most loving words of love and compassion poured out of me.

I don't seem to have enough control of the dream to do anything else. During the day, I prepare myself by thinking of things like surrounding myself with gold light...and although I am aware I am dreaming, I'm not quite "lucid". Last night I was even telling someone in my dream that my physical body was in "...my home city" while I was dreaming in Seattle, and knew I was dreaming, but...just kinda of went along with the whole thing.

Also last night, I dreamed of someone behind me, holding me, and it felt so sweet. I felt 'arms' on either side of me, and I reached to my left to kiss the arm and hand of the 'someone', and it was a weird, gelatinous cluster...sort of like a sea anemone, but it registered as being gross, and when I kissed it before I saw it, a piece of it ended up in my mouth, and I could taste it sort of salty and revolting, but I didn't spit it out. I kept thinking, "the most important thing is to be with this no matter what happens and LOVE it." What I thought were arms on either side of me shifted and morphed, from gelatinous to actually looking like arms, to the one on the right changing into having several claws, which I held away from me. I heard the voice of an ex-boyfriend behind me say something, and I said, "Don't be T****", as if I were telling it not to pretend to be my ex, or that I didn't want this shifting thing that loves me to be him.

Another part of the dream was having sex with a DC, who morphed and went all weird on me, then shifted to a mans' face, and I said, "wow, you are really beautiful", and then it changed again, to weird faces and something with a rooster's comb growth down a neck that had elongated...bizarre. I suppose this is at least a step up from imagining a beautiful room with a beautiful lover and instead being assaulted by a shadowy DC.

So... what I'm asking is for feedback on how to take command in my dreams when I realize I'm dreaming, and also feedback from those who are more experienced in the oozy unconscious material. What I'm wondering is, what is up with this integration stuff?
I'm thinking:
a - that a belief I have and a desire for 'integration' is creating unnecessary, infinite grotesque creatures for 'integration', and the dreams are a manifestation of masochism

b - i actually DO have that much muck to integrate, I have experienced horrors in my life that are way out of the ordinary experience of the vast majority of people, and this is just part of the process

I'm open to other interpretations and guidance.