It seems like the average persons problem is that they just don't remember dreams. It sounds like yours is that you arnt even present in your dreams. This seems no different than the people who want to be lucid but can't remember their dreams in the first place, you have to have the right dream setup first. Finding a way to have first person dreams would greatly help you get in the right dream set up to gain lucidity. Like your trying to complete step 2 without completing step 1

If this makes no sense, try some binaural beats or isochronic tones