Thread: Sexual contact with DCs when you are in a committed relationship

I have a morality question. In a fully lucid dream is it wrong to choose to have sexual contact with DCs if you are in a committed relationship? To explain further, you must have complete control of your ability choose.

Are you cheating on your significant other?

What if you have sexual contact that seems to be your significant other?

What if you change gender and have sexual contact with someone of the same gender as your significant other (if you are heterosexual?)? Or the opposite gender if you are homosexual?

What if the DC is a clone of you?

What if you have morphed into an animal and have sexual contact with the same species?

What if you have morphed into an alien being that is made entirely from energy and you have sexual energy contact with another alien?

What if you have some unknown form of sexual contact that is impossible in the real world?

So many different options when you are lucid dream. I’m just looking for opinions. There are not right or wrong answers.

Well, if you have to ask, what does that say about what you're doing? There's an easily distinguished line between sex to share intimacy, and sex for self-indulgence. I think it's fairly clear which side of the line sex in a lucid dream is on.

Relationship or no, I could never approve of it for anyone. The idea that you can tailor any fantasy to your liking has too many opportunities to become an addiction, and it will naturally lead to unrealistic expectations in real relationships, because you're so used to everything going exactly the way you want. It could very likely lead to someone preferring lucid dream sex to real people.

Then, of course, there's the idea of using someone period, dream or no dream, just for your own indulgences. That's part of the meaning of objectifying someone. But even if the people in the dream are fake, they're like these realistic dolls creating for the sole purpose of satisfying you, and in some cases, replacing reality. What does that say about the character of that person?

Though, I don't know how many people have considered using lucid dreaming to somehow enhance intimacy with their partners. Maybe you could--in theory--share emotions or something along that line.

But, the short answer to your question and all of its scenarios is "yes, it is cheating." After all, what is cheating if not to find intimacy/sex outside of your partner, right? I agree there are technically no wrong answers. But I do believe there are answers right or wrong for your well-being in the long run.

As to the question of whether it is cheating on your significant other, a simple test would be, are you prepared to tell them about it? If your relationship is such that either it would be allowed (open relationship), or understood to be "not real" and just exploration, then it would not be cheating. For many couples though, I suspect the significant other would probably be upset, and it would be considered cheating.

Well, If the dream is created by your subconscious, then everything is merely part of your own mind. I suppose then, it is essentially masturbation.

Tricky.
To me it's like, LD sex = pleasuring yourself = masturbation = completely normal and harmless.

I understand that a partner of any gender or orientation would not like the idea of you having fun with someone else. But as long as you can take it for what it is I don't see the harm.

Let's compare it to a fighting game. We've all at one point imagined the pixelpeople to be someone we disliked at the time. And boy do we enjoy fictively beating them up. But after we turn off the game, we laugh about that silly fight and move on. It doesn't make you beat them up even more. It's releaves the stress and makes you forget about them.

If you look at it like that it might be a way to be sure your relationship is save, because you'll find dreams are just that dreams. And nothing beats the real thing, love.

Very good question.

This seems to be self-induced physiological torture.

I think that is against the Geneva Convention...

Hehe, only kidding of course. I believe the Geenva Convention only applies at times of war to the countries who have accepted it.

But the serious matter of this seems to plague a lot of people. That is why it's against my own law not to participate in such acts, as DR (Dream Relationships) always end badly.

Tygar - To answer the first question, I see it as not cheating but "thinking about cheating" since it is technically just a thought in the first place ( a very intentional one though). I have been married for longer than most of the people here on DV have been alive. My wife is in some of my LDs but most of them are with other random DCs. She knows I dream about sexual contact with other women, but not to the extent as with a LD ( lets say i will not share any of my DJ entries with her). IMHO if you consider it morally wrong, you will tend to avoid SC with DCs in your LDs. I have been actually trying to avoid SC in my last few LDs not because i think it is wrong, but to increase my LD time and do other things. It has worked for me to some extent However after roughly 5 - 10 min of LDn i would see or summon an attractive DC and fall off the wagon.

All great answers.

I was prompted to post this thread because of a dream journal I read where the gentleman summoned Jennifer Aniston and then...well you know....with her. My first thought "I should do that!", my second thought "That would really piss off my wife." The second thought wins. I will not summon her, but if she happened to be in a dream...the below may happen.

I have attempted sexual contact with DCs plenty of times in the past, but it was like I lost control. I was still lucid, I was fully aware I was dreaming, but it was like my sexual urges took control. "Evil Tygar" took command. Has anyone else had this issue?

Wow - Jenifer Aniston, Hadn’t thought about her. I have never summoned a particular female DC, only random ones ( naked generic porn stars are close enough for me). This keeps the guilt at bay i guess. I probably wont summon her as well, but I will plant a hint to my subconscious. If she shows up, her ass is in some big time trouble.

Originally Posted by Screen

Well, if you have to ask, what does that say about what you're doing? There's an easily distinguished line between sex to share intimacy, and sex for self-indulgence. I think it's fairly clear which side of the line sex in a lucid dream is on.

Relationship or no, I could never approve of it for anyone. The idea that you can tailor any fantasy to your liking has too many opportunities to become an addiction, and it will naturally lead to unrealistic expectations in real relationships, because you're so used to everything going exactly the way you want. It could very likely lead to someone preferring lucid dream sex to real people.

What the hell is wrong with self-indulgence in your dreams?

How could you prefer figments of your imagination and in your control to living, loving, feeling and thinking subjective partners??
What you say above could be applied to all of LDing - addiction, preferring it to real life - because of one's powers.
The way you judge people here - it would follow that all LDing is bad then.

Originally Posted by Screen

But, the short answer to your question and all of its scenarios is "yes, it is cheating." After all, what is cheating if not to find intimacy/sex outside of your partner, right? I agree there are technically no wrong answers. But I do believe there are answers right or wrong for your well-being in the long run.

No - cheating is having intimacy/sex with a real life person, while your significant other disapproves of it and you know it.
There are enough open relationships for you to see, how your definition falls short.

I do not feel, I need to ask my husband about it - it is in my head and there only - this is my privacy - and the boundary of what falls under morals for me - I do what I want in my dreams - and that's most usually harmless - but anyway.
In this case I brought the topic up, and so I know, how he feels about it and that he sincerely does not care. That's great.
I would not have had to ask him, though, in order to feel in the green with myself.

Originally Posted by KpuonyerNo4

Well, If the dream is created by your subconscious, then everything is merely part of your own mind. I suppose then, it is essentially masturbation.

Essentially yes - but a DC can be experienced and it can behave like a sentient entity - and it's possible that jealousy will manifest, if a partner of a certain mindset gets to know about it.

If you don't mention it spontaneously - I advise to not put it down in some way like a secret DJ.
This is bad in several aspects, if s/he finds out - you didn't bring it up - so you seem to feel guilty, which is relevant.
And there are documents about it, out of his/her control, maybe even online for others to read...

Originally Posted by SinisterDezz

But the serious matter of this seems to plague a lot of people.
That is why it's against my own law not to participate in such acts, as DR (Dream Relationships) always end badly.

You don't have dream-sex, because it seems to plague a lot of people?
And thus you conclude, it always ends badly?
And then you make it a law.
But esp. taking into consideration the many people, who don't have problems with it - your whole argument doesn't make sense, I find. And I suppose you meant it without the "not" - or did I totally miss a joke?
I don't mean this in a nasty way.
If you feel, your law resonates with your moral compass - go by it, sure.

Originally Posted by Tygar

I have attempted sexual contact with DCs plenty of times in the past, but it was like I lost control. I was still lucid, I was fully aware I was dreaming, but it was like my sexual urges took control. "Evil Tygar" took command. Has anyone else had this issue?

Why "evil" - guys - don't put yourself in shackles in your dreams!!
But I know, what you mean - it seems to be advanced LDing to fully control these "affairs" technically.

Originally Posted by rynkrt3

I think of it this way. Humans in general are not ment to be monogamous. It it seomthing we created out of religion.

As much as I have a beef with religion - I think, you have overlooked something.
A woman is pregnant for nine months - and to a much more disabling extent than other animals.
Then the child is there and it needs a lot of time to be reared - women can give milk up to 4 years by the way.
Latest once agriculture began - it was mainly the men doing hard labour and that was a necessary thing to be able to have a family under conditions of old.

Children died a lot - there was no birth control - most women were at the baby business most of the time.
So of course it is evolutionary useful to bond monogamously with a partner at least for the period of time it takes to raise the children. If there were two men involved - that wouldn't ensure either of them, to only invest his work and risk his life in favour of his own offspring.

That it was not socially acceptable for a man to leave an older woman, once she was infertile or whatever - was a sort of safety net for her - having no training and ability to work for her living, possibly with children.
The state and also church put up laws, to prevent that from happening systematically and having to subsidize them then.
Patriarchy did not only benefit men - but good that times are better these days.

Not really.
I understand why you might feel that it's cheating, but you are not actually having a sexual relationship with anyone, and there is no way anyone will know about your relationship with dream characters anyway, so nobody will ever risk to get hurt by "finding out" about anything.

It's all a matter of how you feel about it yourself.
You should ask yourself whether or not you feel bad from having relatiosnhips with dream characters.
If it feel alright, and you still feel that you love your waking life partner, then by all means do it.

I think of it this way. Humans in general are not ment to be monogamous. It it seomthing we created out of religion. Most people, in a relationship or not, still look at others as attractive or non attractive. If my girlfriend sees an attractive man walking by her, I couldn't give a crap if she looked at him twice. It's natural. I chose one partner out of love and respect, but in a dream I feel that sex with random DC's is nothing more than the natural thoughts that arise when you see someone attractive. After all, did every single person in the world lose all sex appeal once you got married? Of course not. You just chose to physically be with one person. Screwing around in your head (pun intended) is harmless. I don't think morals are involved in this at all.

Just my two cents!

Well, since many people (at least people my age, I'm 20) don't consider porn as cheating, I guess having occasional sex with DCs isn't cheating either. I agree that DCs are a product of your mind, so for me the whole thing is closer to masturbation than it is to cheating. Besides, there's much more to LD than just having sex with DCs. But anyway, each one of us will have their opinion according to their beliefs. This is the way I see it.

Because then you could ask yourself another thing: what if the DC you're having sex with is your own partner? You aren't having real sex with them, but it isn't another person either. Is it cheating then? (I don't know if this makes sense )