Dark experiments...

[lucidbunnie]

Hi guys, Just to preface everything, no I'm not a mentally stable person. In fact, I'm borderline insane. However, I'm not a masochist by any means, am easily scared, and have low tolerance of pain. Now that that's out of the way, lets begin. Lately I been incubating nightmares to help me get over a trauma. It's not really helping especially when it just recreates the scene over and over making me experience it again and again. Otherwise, most of the time I just end up in a burning house or apartment with no idea why it's happening. However, on lucid dreams where I have control I end up cheating by resisting pain of being burned. Basically I want to know what's it like to be burned alive. It's odd, but in my head I feel like the closer I am to the experience the less traumatic my SO's cremation will become for me. Has any of you intentionally tried to induce horrific experiences? ^^'

[LighrkVader]

Your SO is recently dead then? Thats tough. My condolances though it doesn't mean much coming from a stranger on the internet. I am having a hard time understanding why you need to know the feeling of being burnt alive to deal with your SO being burned while dead... We aren't there for that part. But I guess during those types of times there doesn't have to be a reason for it to be a real issue to you. The nice thing about cremation is that the body turns into gas and flows out and fills the whole world. Maybe try to do that in a lucid? It's easy to think that the body turns to ashes. But thats just bones mostly. If what you really want is to talk about inducing these dreams, I can't really help. I haven't explored in that direction, and I don't see any reason to for now. But anything else you know... There are people here who will listen and support you I'm sure. Some times it helps to write down how we feel and think about something.

[lucidbunnie]

Your SO is recently dead then? Thats tough. To me she passed away recently as bereavement hits me every single moment. I have reason to believe she may have still been alive during cremation. That's what adds to the trauma. There were some complications around how doctors determined she had passed away, but I won't go into that here. On the bright side, I do still hang out with her in lucid dreams and lot of the time she appears as a hyper conscious entity than just a dream character. I'm curious if others take part in such nightmarish experiments. It doesn't have to be this extreme. It may not be to overcome a trauma, but a fear? I want to rule out the possibility I'm doing a dream version of cutting myself with these experiments. ^^'

[LighrkVader]

I can guarantee you that nobody gets cremated alive. The people in morgues know a dead body when they see one, and especially when they touch one. Dead bodies are room temperature or colder as they are kept in a cooler. Nobody could survive that even in a coma. So even if the doctor made a mistake she would have died long before reaching the crematorium, unless she was rushed there straight from the hospital. Which is rare. If she was alive the morticians would have known immediately. Trust me on this. There is NO WAY that happens.. ever. I don't mean to be harsh. But I think it would be worse to play along if this idea is making you suffer.. As for the dream version of cutting. That is what you're doing... But whatever... there's worse stuff you could do... I hope things brighten up soon. I'm sorry.-

[lucidbunnie]

Thanks for the reassurance. It's mostly my depression talking. I guess self-harm is self-harm regardless if it's in the dream state or not. I know that my therapist will freak out if she learned I was trying to have such lucid dreams and will put me under observation again. ^^' Anyway, I suppose it'll be very rare for lucid dreamers to actively pursue an unpleasant experience even if it's as an experiment. It will be nice to know if anyone has done so and what they gained from the experience.

[oneironautics]

At the moment i can rarely get lucid mostly because kids wake me up all hours of the night, But this is a direction i have been wanting too experiment in. I was trying to induce lucidity by incubating dreams of danger or similiar too scare me into waking up actually worked a few times, Anyway I know a little about depression, and one reason you might be trying too burn yourself is because you want to feel alive, your friend made you feel alive and you would like too burn together in Lifes Energy Force. maybe this will help with incubating https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGyEd0aKWZE

[Sageous]

I never understood incubating nightmares for anything, but especially, Lucidbunnie, if you are already hovering on the edge of a cliff in waking life. Your calling what you seek a "dream version of cutting myself" seems very accurate to me. All you may be doing by forcing nightmares upon yourself is basically torturing yourself, and you are doing so with a medium that can rise up and damage your already challenged psyche deeply, rather than help it. This is not like smoking a carton of cigarettes to make you sick of smoking (which in my opinion also doesn't work, BTW), nor is it, I believe, some way for you to experience what you imagine your SO to have gone through. In my mind, all a nightmare that accurately duplicates being burned alive does is temporarily hurt and terrify; you will very likely wake up with the exact same feelings you have right now, except for the relief you will have at being still alive (which might lead you to even more terrible feelings, like guilt, and not less). On top of all that, and as you might already have noted. I also I don't even think you can have a lucid nightmare. Nightmares are not nightmares because of their content or imagery (though that sure helps), they are nightmares because the dreamer believes they are real. If you are lucid, then, you are removing the defining component of a nightmare because you know that nothing you are seeing is real. So when lucid your nightmare imagery falls on the scare meter to something more like a horror movie or roller-coaster ride, which can be exciting, but by no real means nightmarish. So I think you will find that the folks who successfully incubate nightmares -- for whatever reason they may choose to do so -- tend to incubate the non-lucid kind; the kind where you will feel the pain, and all the fear; where what is happening is very real to you. This in the end, might not be where you want to go...

[snoop]

I know this is a predictable response, but I think trying to induce the nightmares or horrific experiences is misguided. What's more important than the experiences themselves is your emotional reaction to them, which isn't something you're capable of controlling while dreaming (either not at all with a non-lucid, or only partially while lucid because altered brain function impairs your emotional regulation, among other executive functions). If your focus is your response to the experience upon waking up, then you're closer to being on the right track, but nightmares and horrific experiences aren't necessarily a requirement for developing your mental resilience and how you emotionally react to (negative) things. What would help better is focusing on these things while awake. I feel like doing it while dreaming is in a sense a form of escape for you from these things. They're a distraction from the real issues affecting you negatively. You're essentially trying to trade one horrific, awful experience you were completely and utterly powerless to do anything about for one that you can "control" (by inducing yourself or becoming lucid during) . The nightmares are, in a sense, "comfortably" horrific and awful because of this, and the more you focus on them and trying to induce them, the more you can distract yourself from the harsh reality you find yourself living in. Like Sageous said, you referring to it as cutting yourself while asleep is a good analogy. The only real solution here is to acknowledge what you're doing, and to not only face the reality you find yourself in, but find or learn a way to accept it. Not a simple admittal of its factual nature, but rather fully coming to terms with the loss of your significant other and understanding that it is okay that they are gone and that the fact they are gone is going to make you feel certain ways, which are okay to feel. Along with this, it is necessary to accept to the same degree that life goes on. You can't help how you feel, but you can help how you emotionally react to those feelings and come to change and understand a new world outlook or perspective to view reality from that allows for your emotional and psychological healing and recovery. When it comes to losing somebody you love, I find it helps to know that them ever being alive was beautiful, and that it requires that one day they eventually die... which is also beautiful. The experiences you shared, the mark you left on each other, the ways you felt about one another... it all is. The very fact, to me, that I am capable of experiencing grief and having such intimate and powerful feelings about another person, that they could make me feel this way, is something of profound beauty and also something I'm eternally grateful for. Life, to me, would not be worth living if not for the depth and raw power that these kinds of feelings, emotions, and experiences possess. For better or for worse, in life I'm going to know joy, and I'm also going to get deeply, terribly hurt as well. I need to experience both to experience either in the first place, and without them I feel I'd be left with nothing at all. So don't embrace suffering of your own design by inducing horrific nightmares. It's just a way to avoid embracing the suffering of the loss of your loved one, because you are afraid that you will never be able to overcome it and you know that you can't endure the pain of it all indefinitely. If you continue to avoid the healing process by trying to hurt yourself more, eventually you'll be able to get by, but there will always be a void in what feels like your hollow heart. The path you're on now is one where you turn your heart to cold, unfeeling stone so that you never have to hurt again--but what really happens is that you just lose the ability to feel anything at all other than the dull ache of endless tedium, boredom, lacking meaning and purpose, and ennui. Let yourself hurt and to grieve, so that your heart, despite hurting now, will remain one of warmth that beats with life. Eventually you will overcome it, and you will be both a better person for having endured it, and for having known and shared your life with your best friend and deeply loved one.

[Charles3]

I guess if it is self harm or not, you could ask yourself. Does it feel like a compulsive need to create this pain? Or does it feel like its coming from a place of conscious choice? People who cut themselves, take dangerous drugs, over eat or do other self harming behaviors often don't do it from a place of conscious choice. It comes from a compulsive drive. Some people might say, yeah, I want a bite of this apple. But if they eat 10000 calories of dessert foods seemingly against their own will, thats more of an issue of compulsion. So do you feel like you are doing this against your own will? Or are you aware of whats driving you to do this, and consciously choosing? Of course those are the far ends of the spectrum. Maybe it feels like 40% compulsion and 60% your own choice. There is no black and white. A lot of times a desire to re create trauma comes from a desire to understand it better. Why did the tragedy happen? And what does it mean? And maybe how to help other people who experience it in the future. I have had some really bad trauma myself and I worked through it to gain understanding. Then I found lots of other people who experienced it too and felt the same way, and we help to prevent that trauma from being done to others, as well as help people who newly discover they have been harmed this way.

[atramentis]

I've tried that sort of thing, but that's because I'm some sort of masochist. I've been hurt a variety of ways in dreams—though it never hurts as vividly as it would in real life. I've also thrown myself off high places, asked characters to hurt me, and mind-tricked characters into fighting me, so I'm basically a pain-seeker. At one point I wanted to see if I could become lucid and put my hand into a flame. I wanted to know how much it would hurt, and whether I'd be able to ignore the pain and do it anyway. As it turned out, the pain when I got close was a very intense stinging, far more intense than my usual dream experiences. On top of that, the dream characters nearby had a "Why the hell are you doing that?" reaction, and soon after I lost focus. Snoop has the best advice for your problems, but I wanted you to know that you aren't the only one to try "dark experiments."

[PrisonPlanet]

I once drove into a older man burning alive in car, on highway, it was an antique car and he couldn't get door open (found out next day, people were trying to help/open door with no success) I actually thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, about a 1/4 mile away, turned car around (spontaneously driving up to car with giant fireball above it freaked me out..first instinct was, im getting the f*ck out of here now) anyway it didn't look like a pleasant experience..id personally rather jump in a volcano than die in slow house fire..600 degrees molten lava would knock anyone out

[LighrkVader]

If there's a good jump I would try to do an elegant dive, head first into the lava and get knocked out by the impact to make sure.

[lucidbunnie]

Ah It's been like 3 months since I saw this thread. Just an update to anyone who is curious. Apparently I was trying to hurt myself non-physically as punishment for surviving while my SO didn't and being unable to save her. It was close to our birthday when I was doing these experiments. I had to change my antidepressants and I'm less inclined to do some of these experiments now. I'm back to incubating pleasant experiences. The whole thing about jumping into a volcano reminds me of a non-lucid dream where I actually did just that. It was a long drop and rather than a painful experience, it was like diving into a very warm pool. The lava was more viscous than water, but it didn't hurt. I don't think I would have done that if I was lucid. ^^'

[PrisonPlanet]

Too funny lighrkvader, I'm not sure how the evacuation process works when living next volcano..only familiar with 'stop drop and roll' technique (from south park)

[GordanFreeman]

Ah It's been like 3 months since I saw this thread. Just an update to anyone who is curious. Apparently I was trying to hurt myself non-physically as punishment for surviving while my SO didn't and being unable to save her. It was close to our birthday when I was doing these experiments. I had to change my antidepressants and I'm less inclined to do some of these experiments now. I'm back to incubating pleasant experiences. The whole thing about jumping into a volcano reminds me of a non-lucid dream where I actually did just that. It was a long drop and rather than a painful experience, it was like diving into a very warm pool. The lava was more viscous than water, but it didn't hurt. I don't think I would have done that if I was lucid. ^^' If you are still in 'dark experiments', I can give you a helping hand in my soon new thread on this subforum

[starsofclay]

Hi guys, Just to preface everything, no I'm not a mentally stable person. In fact, I'm borderline insane. However, I'm not a masochist by any means, am easily scared, and have low tolerance of pain. Now that that's out of the way, lets begin. Lately I been incubating nightmares to help me get over a trauma. It's not really helping especially when it just recreates the scene over and over making me experience it again and again. Otherwise, most of the time I just end up in a burning house or apartment with no idea why it's happening. However, on lucid dreams where I have control I end up cheating by resisting pain of being burned. Basically I want to know what's it like to be burned alive. It's odd, but in my head I feel like the closer I am to the experience the less traumatic my SO's cremation will become for me. Has any of you intentionally tried to induce horrific experiences? ^^' Every now and then I toy around with the idea of incubating a nightmare. Mostly because I just love my haunted house dreams, or my creepy dreams etc. Of course during the dream I am scared silly but usually realize that those end up being some of my favorites! I am also interested in doing this for releasing traumas and negativity, and of course one thing that every nightmare dreamer should be practicing is facing the fears. So far I have not incubated one intentionally, but like I said, I have toyed around with the idea.

[DarkestDarkness]

Every now and then I toy around with the idea of incubating a nightmare. Mostly because I just love my haunted house dreams, or my creepy dreams etc. Of course during the dream I am scared silly but usually realize that those end up being some of my favorites! I am also interested in doing this for releasing traumas and negativity, and of course one thing that every nightmare dreamer should be practicing is facing the fears. So far I have not incubated one intentionally, but like I said, I have toyed around with the idea. I've wondered about this idea too for some time now but, as far as I've tried, I only ever found the opposite effect - I barely have nightmares at all now. I wanted to use the vividness of nightmares to see if it would be easier to become aware of the dream state, but over the last two years my real-life phobias have toned down massively, in good part because I've had more conscious effort in facing these fears even while awake. Though, not directly related to my experience, a while back I had a friend having lucid nightmares almost every night, and I asked my friend to try and calmly talk to the monster that would appear, since my friend wanted an end to these nightmares; she did and the nightmares stopped - that was the end of it. I did wonder if she could have used the experience to do something more interesting like turn them into regular lucid dreams that she could then have fun with, but I felt like it wasn't my place to push that sort of thing, as she just wanted an end to what had been going on for a long time.