Thread: Life, The Mirror

With me it thing with pasts and different charactes I've gotten accustomed with. Some people invoke different characterestics in me based on shared memories. I'm in process of facing them with care, not always succeeding. I've changed over past half a year so much that I feel my nowmost being present mainly with those I've spent profound time during that period. Also some folks from my past don't handdle well my assumed change for all they have are just random web frases, that some are misunderstood or held downright telltale and makefun. To rant a little, sometimes I have this feeling that telltales and makefuns are taken as truths and truths as either taletales or makefuns

Past three years or so are now seen as me being dead (for deep depression and semimystical experience of living in the land of death).. last fall I got into terms with being dead and also being dreaming. Now I'm also working with my life side, but it's not easy always. I've somehow reflected it outside me and succeed in it mainly if Iäm feeling very much alive. Other times I'd rather be dead or dreaming. Or so I said some months ago.. now I really don't now. I'd need some life to empower states of death and dreaming too

That's an idea that was believed very strongly in the Costa Rica center place I went to. I've consequently given it a lot of thought.

I think that I tend to agree with it for a lot of cases, but not all. For example, if somebody does something to hurt you, you're going to dislike whatever quality is in the person that causes him to do that, even if you've never possessed that quality yourself.

But it holds true in other cases, most often when you find yourself disliking something about a person when he hasn't actually done anything that should affect you. For example, if you're annoyed at someone for performing what you perceive to be attention-seeking behavior, there's a good chance that you've done that yourself at some point.

Not only have you done it yourself, but you've realised why you were wrong for doing it. Because if you didn't see why it was wrong, you wouldn't have a problem with it in the first place.

It might not even be true that you've done the exact same thing before, only that the psychological disposition which you perceive that person to have, you've had yourself, and have learned or are learning to move beyond it.

I'm not saying that this is the only reason someone might have for hating qualities in others, only that it often causes some of the stronger hatred. You might dislike a quality for another, completely rational reason, but if it's something that you once used to do, or still partly do, and have gotten over it, or are getting over it, it's going to anger you a lot more than it would if you'd never been like that yourself.

Attention seeking has been lot in my mind couple of times recent I've logged in here, don't get this wrong. I'm slowly starting to realise some views on how I've been held as attention seeker, what buggers me in attention seeking, how I've been misinterepting my feedback based on teenage uncertainties and how many if not most forms of attention seeking are misintenpereted as such in internet. Not to say that they are not seeking attention, but what's the bad thing about it and who hadn't done it. Either in their past or are still doing only in more snobbish or cultivated ways.

WORD:

Not only have you done it yourself, but you've realised why you were wrong for doing it. Because if you didn't see why it was wrong, you wouldn't have a problem with it in the first place.

It's simple and comlicated knot at the same time,, This was a nerve hitter sentence or something like that. Gives some remedy on selfaccusationloops

+ I havenä't really seen the levels of the phrase: in the first place, before.. not in English anyway

thanks for that

I don't believe it's as cut and dry as is stated in the OP, but I think there is a lot of truth to it. While I don't think that seeing a fault in others necessarily means that you are guilty of the fault yourself (awareness of something as a fault often comes from basic knowledge of that something as a negative), it can be a huge - even if subconscious - factor. In the same breath, it might also just come as an adverse reaction to something that the person is trying to avoid being guilty of. For instance, someone might be completely against materialism yet, while having never been a specifically materialistic person, themselves, they understand how alluring a materialistic nature can be, and so a part of their trying not to succumb to such allure is lashing out at the people whom they believe have done just that.

But yes, aside from some exceptions, critique on others is very often a critique on oneself.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

That's an idea that was believed very strongly in the Costa Rica center place I went to. I've consequently given it a lot of thought.

I think that I tend to agree with it for a lot of cases, but not all. For example, if somebody does something to hurt you, you're going to dislike whatever quality is in the person that causes him to do that, even if you've never possessed that quality yourself.

But it holds true in other cases, most often when you find yourself disliking something about a person when he hasn't actually done anything that should affect you. For example, if you're annoyed at someone for performing what you perceive to be attention-seeking behavior, there's a good chance that you've done that yourself at some point.

Not only have you done it yourself, but you've realised why you were wrong for doing it. Because if you didn't see why it was wrong, you wouldn't have a problem with it in the first place.

It might not even be true that you've done the exact same thing before, only that the psychological disposition which you perceive that person to have, you've had yourself, and have learned or are learning to move beyond it.

I'm not saying that this is the only reason someone might have for hating qualities in others, only that it often causes some of the stronger hatred. You might dislike a quality for another, completely rational reason, but if it's something that you once used to do, or still partly do, and have gotten over it, or are getting over it, it's going to anger you a lot more than it would if you'd never been like that yourself.

It's funny though because I agree, my reflexive inclination is that this idea cannot possibly be true. Later, I reassessed that it simply couldn't be true in all cases. Now, I'm beginning to see that there is, indeed, a very interesting psychological phenomenon at work. Not only have I learned a lot from paying attention to what bothers me in others, I'm also learning not to take their words very personally. How often have you been criticized by someone that exemplified the behavior they were criticizing? I once read in the Four Agreements that everything someone does to you is really about them, even if they hold a gun to your head and shoot you, it's still ultimately about them. It explains why many times, when getting into an argument with someone, it appears as though they aren't even really criticizing you anymore, they're criticizing a fabrication or construction of you that they have built in their minds, and it's typically not very accurate to how you feel about yourself. But with closer inspection, you can realize how deeply that fabricated version of you most closely resembles pieces of their denied self.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut Zero

I don't believe it's as cut and dry as is stated in the OP, but I think there is a lot of truth to it. While I don't think that seeing a fault in others necessarily means that you are guilty of the fault yourself (awareness of something as a fault often comes from basic knowledge of that something as a negative), it can be a huge - even if subconscious - factor. In the same breath, it might also just come as an adverse reaction to something that the person is trying to avoid being guilty of. For instance, someone might be completely against materialism yet, while having never been a specifically materialistic person, themselves, they understand how alluring a materialistic nature can be, and so a part of their trying not to succumb to such allure is lashing out at the people whom they believe have done just that.

But yes, aside from some exceptions, critique on others is very often a critique on oneself.

I think while you can notice faults in others, and come to a realization based on how you feel the world could work and how you see it failing at this endeavor, the word bother is more unique to the mirror effect taking place. It seems as though faults which I find negative are more humorous than bothersome when I don't exemplify those traits myself. However, when they are faults that I am guilty of, I find them absolutely intolerable.

And that can be used to both good and bad. I like to present past people the characters they've given to me in deeper detail while trying to grasp to them across time (aka my present state of being) by letting myself be something they've dreamed of. It's somehow very simple and gives you great theaterlike experience. Downpoint has been the loneliness caused by deep sense of distance. It's also the motive of trying to smuggle present understanding, views and memories to them. For the love of theatrics in everydaylife it's fun. It also requires isolation, so I don't get stuck in other peoples schemes of trying to have past me everpresent, for it keeps memories of recent transformations only hazyly experienced.

Thanking Universe for couple of people who know me right now and also the DVers.. and dreams offcourse

Oh man, I don't do this too often its a real head trip. But I recommend viewing life, the people around you and your environment literally as a mirror if you want change. I first viewed life and the world around me as a mirror about two years ago. I got idea because of my dreams. I started to notice that in all of my dreams, even lucid dreams, when ever I was in wilderness the human presence was never far.

A gas station in the middle of a forest. A river that ends in a pool. Trash in a field. My dreams had an environmental problem!

So when my dreams started to look like my everyday life, that's when I took the concept that life is your mirror a little more serioiusly. Just like dreams are a mirror.

When I first looked at my life as a mirror I didn't like the reflection. I was living next to a river that only has water two months out of the year. Not only was the river drying up, it was getting trashed. The city treated it as a runoff ditch. One day it was filled with wildflowers, fish, turtles, cranes. The next day they filled it with concrete. And the day after that, the amount of trash that flowed down it doubled. I was too scared to touch the water, it smelled and looked slimy and gross.

I used to blame the city until I saw the world as a mirror. I felt guilty. I trashed the river. I was the one ignorant that this tiny river was a source of life. I had lived by this trashed river for years and never once thought I was the one whos responsible for cleaning it. I think thats what I learned most about seeing life as a mirror, responsibility rather than blaming some unseen enemy.

I was moving out but I had made a pledge to pick up as much trash before leaving my little river behind. The irony was, or maybe it wasn't ironic, when I finally went out there to clean up that trash - the trash was mostly gone. A storm flood had washed it away miles and miles and miles to I don't know where. Now I live next to a park with a protected wildscape.

Now when it came to viewing people as my mirror, this was really easy at work. Too easy maybe. Yes, we were all different, but there was something about all of us that was the same. I felt stuck at work. So, to leave and find a better job I looked at my co-workers. Why are they stuck here? How am I like them? I saw a piece of myself in all of them. I saw in them my fears, my doubt, my dreams, my hope. At first I thought "oh im stuck because im insecure about this and that". No. I was stuck there because I loved the people. It was a dead end min. wage job, but I found something in those people I'll never forget.

I realized that if I ever wanted to move out of my parents place I was gonna have to conquer this fear that I would lose my friends at work. That took a year. I knew I was finally ready to leave when I had a dream where there was an alligator at work, as in see-you-later-alligator. I moved out a month later to a city five hours away. About a week later, I had a dream I was back at my old job. Everyone was there, it was like a party. Then they were all gathered in my bedroom, and I put them all in my closet.

Now, its mind-blowing seeing my world as my mirror. Before my life-mirror was this suburbia blah sameness that was numbing. Now its this sharp contrast of insanity. I live next to a park but the sky on my way to work is brownish green. Theres a lake this way thats pristine and beautiful, and theres a lake over here that smells like poo and had this weird insect infestation that looked like black smoke. My job is eco-friendly in a concrete hell district with no grass or trees. I work directly under the CEO from a wealthy family, and then Ive got co-workers who were homeless. Before, all of my co-workers were just middle class americans. Not here. Its just contrast. Contrast. Contrast. And then, occupy dallas.

My first day there I had this weird surreal feeling, deja-vu. Years ago I go this idea for a graphic novel, and the main character met this young group of rebels who weren't rebelling any onw thing - but everything! They were just mad and wild! But the main character only stayed with them for a short while before moving onto the next chapter. As an artist, sure I consider all of my work as a mirror of myself. I just didn't think this story would manifest in my life - uh - that literally. And the next chapter, damn you imagination

I'm afraid of making this post because I have 1111 likes right now and want to hold onto that awesome number for as long as possible.

I've been considering this, too. I am living at the same place I was several months back, but it's become radically different for me. Opportunities have arrived that I never saw before. The lives of my friends have changed dramatically as well, and circumstances of our interactions have shifted to the point where I find myself hanging out with people I never did and losing touch with people I was very close to. It's not like I've matured beyond any particular people. They all have attributes that endear me to them and attributes I can only tolerate. But little details, seemingly random, have amounted to very big changes in my circumstances. Like a storm brushing away the trash by your river when you started to take responsibility for keeping it clean, I am also finding that as i learn new concepts and my attitude evolves, I find changes can occur quickly that push me into particular positions which reflect my new outlook.

It's funny because many mystical minded people have this idea like Fate is guiding them through, and they are exactly where they need to be in order to grow as a person. But they project that like a pressure changing their circumstances, and it's much more self-emergent. The world is giving us what we need because it's reflecting the state of our minds back at us. I remember a song lyric from my favorite band, Cloud Cult, which goes like this, "And every time I figure it out, it shapes shift and changes, I start over again." It almost feels like the minute you get a handle on your life, everything reorganizes and you've got a whole new puzzle to figure out.

I've heard before that to figure out yourself, look at what you hate in other people. If you did not carry that habit or attitude yourself, it would not bother you. What are your thoughts on this idea?

same argument can be made for the love we feel towards one another. if you carry that habit or attitude with you then you'll never recognize a legitimate threat.
it doesn't take an in depth analysis of the particular trait i found repulsive in an individual for me to understand why i'm put off by them, nor does it give me any deeper understanding of myself as far as who i am because of it.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

I think while you can notice faults in others, and come to a realization based on how you feel the world could work and how you see it failing at this endeavor, the word bother is more unique to the mirror effect taking place. It seems as though faults which I find negative are more humorous than bothersome when I don't exemplify those traits myself. However, when they are faults that I am guilty of, I find them absolutely intolerable.

Not that I entirely disagree, but I think this is still an over-simplification.

I'm pretty sure it's well understood that many of the biases we have toward/against certain attitudes or experiences do not necessarily come from personal experience. They come from the values we are instilled with, while growing up. Take abusive parents, for example. Do I have to be an abusive parent, in order to loathe them? I would hope not, because I would then have to start reevaluating myself, being that I already loathe them. Get my point?

Again, I'm not saying that it doesn't apply to many cases, but I don't think it's universal enough a characteristic to apply across the board.

You're right, I can't stand cops but that doesn't make me a police officer.

But perhaps now we're lurking into territory that Juroara shifted the conversation to. Perhaps in certain situations you have to look at your life circumstances as a reflection rather than just traits.

And perhaps there's a different way to get angry at traits you don't share, as well. I can spot a know-it-all from a mile away, and I can't stand listening to people bitch who have over-reactive tempers. These are definitely two traits I've picked up on within myself. But let's say I'm reading the paper and I see the exploits of some gung-ho cowboy cop and I get infuriated with an unjust system.

Or on this forum, I find people who respond cynically toward ideas to be unevolved. Some of the responses in Mcwillis' thread, I found to be sort of frustrating, because it struck me as "really... you're that obtuse?" And I certainly don't display traits of closed mindedness... that I am aware of. But perhaps there's something to my reaction that I should pay closer attention to.

One seems like a behavior I am lashing out against which is a reflection, the other may be more like circumstance of the world that is reflecting something within my own consciousness and thought-patterns. Does that make sense? Or am I crossing into tumultuous territory?

I can spot a know-it-all from a mile away, and I can't stand listening to people bitch who have over-reactive tempers.

Or on this forum, I find people who respond cynically toward ideas to be unevolved

But perhaps there's something to my reaction that I should pay closer attention to.

you're probably right

Originally Posted by juroara

Oh man, I don't do this too often its a real head trip. But I recommend viewing life, the people around you and your environment literally as a mirror if you want change. I first viewed life and the world around me as a mirror about two years ago. I got idea because of my dreams. I started to notice that in all of my dreams, even lucid dreams, when ever I was in wilderness the human presence was never far.

I've been so far on that road that I'm developing also alternative ways on viewing things. Couple of days ago I talked with close friend of mine about my fears. Only real fear that I found not to have overcomed at any phase of my life was fear of omnipotence and the loneliness that comes with it. She took that fear in her and reflected the world back by playing with that thought. I'm from a family of master glass and frame artisans from my fathers side, so I've been studying mirrors, windows and lampglass in my mind. As a meditation practice if you may. What I've concluded that mirrors are many and they give different aspect of reflection. Reflecting and transparent surfaces are quite a mindblow in both substancial and world reflecting sense. No wonder they have been held as magical in the past. French word Psyché happens to refer also to a mirror you can look yourself from different ancles.

So what has helped is me is people with whom we can reflect each others in trusting manner and playfull way. It's among the practices I refer with term "shared dreaming" when I use it as describing my wakingside life. It's even more strong form of stage phenomenia and life mirroring than once done alone (by choice or after life altering experinces that leave you alone with some mirror). It takes trusting and practice, can mess up some things in middle but given time and cultivation, honest communication and deepening of the knowing it can lead you to a complitely different world experience. Some concepts of transpersonal psychology might help along the way. Atleast they've done it to me. In this way you can slowly get away from solipsism and real experince of others being just figments of your being. What I have done, is developed whole new terminology to discussing on those matters based on most frank and revealing terms of experince. And why have I done this? For not being able the escape the solipsist experience. Movie Waking life helped a lot too. In deep dream scene of this movie someone teached me the way of looking myself as a dream character of others. This has teached me a way to see what kind of waking dreams ppl dream and what kind of 'DC' am I to them. Humble practice if continued for long enough time. After that the teachings of that period stuck with you when you remember them.

Originally Posted by juroara

Now when it came to viewing people as my mirror, this was really easy at work. Too easy maybe. Yes, we were all different, but there was something about all of us that was the same. I felt stuck at work. So, to leave and find a better job I looked at my co-workers. Why are they stuck here? How am I like them? I saw a piece of myself in all of them. I saw in them my fears, my doubt, my dreams, my hope. At first I thought "oh im stuck because im insecure about this and that". No. I was stuck there because I loved the people. It was a dead end min. wage job, but I found something in those people I'll never forget.

Once I was taken into mental hospital and had this kind clarity and honesty with me. The system didn't take it well when they interviewed me and I started to tell different aspects of me that they represented. I saw vague smile on people who reflected my more appresiated sides but those who reflected my downsides didn't take it well. If there has been a doctor with enough skill and open mind they wouldn't have locked me down. That's where I learned some differences between different dreams, system consensus and price of honesty.

Originally Posted by juroara

I realized that if I ever wanted to move out of my parents place I was gonna have to conquer this fear that I would lose my friends at work. That took a year. I knew I was finally ready to leave when I had a dream where there was an alligator at work, as in see-you-later-alligator. I moved out a month later to a city five hours away. About a week later, I had a dream I was back at my old job. Everyone was there, it was like a party. Then they were all gathered in my bedroom, and I put them all in my closet.

That brings to my mind experiences where I have turned into real proper or living space and things I've carried from that experience. People I remember don't exist only in mind but also in my hearth and other parts of this body/house/boat/tree dreaming. So instead of medical and mental problems I sometimes have conflicting people causing problems to my state Whats outside is inside to me. More than it is not like that. Gives you new horizons on how you view and treat people when it has real somatic symptoms. In shuteye dreams I occasionally wander around parts of this dreaming which can be good thing cause there they aren't inside me. Some hawaian shamanistic views refer to this dreaming place you carry with as a garden to tend. Even if it's urban setting or flat. (I believe this topic has crossed the treshhold to use some beoynd dreaming concepts for sake of clearer terminology, if not lets sink the thread to beyound dreaming Enough kidding, I've taken great deal of time and tryes and mistakes to learn to share concepts of my experiences in English outside the beyound section. Honestly I believe that it's just a matter of translation to discuss them outside given boundaries)

Originally Posted by juroara

My first day there I had this weird surreal feeling, deja-vu. Years ago I go this idea for a graphic novel, and the main character met this young group of rebels who weren't rebelling any onw thing - but everything! They were just mad and wild! But the main character only stayed with them for a short while before moving onto the next chapter. As an artist, sure I consider all of my work as a mirror of myself. I just didn't think this story would manifest in my life - uh - that literally. And the next chapter, damn you imagination

Speaking of letteral mirrors, I'm a 'crappy' artists of many venues myself. What I've started to see more clearly is the effect of anything I compose to my fate and surroundings. How they manifest themself and how they differ from dreams set up by writing, music etc. What is the time taken to something blossom, what are instant effect, when feedback takes time etc. Many things I've done I've not been pround when they have answered to me, many I've discovered to been reflections of my work much later. Some things have spawned from just ideas and dreams of works I didn't have opportunity to start or finnish. Some of them I hold most dear 'cause they've born from freedom from expression and my dictatingship. DC's, friends or something else answering to me. That's why hold my state as creator/created analogies for long time in my profile here. It's as mysterious thin line as this conversation of identities, mirrors and all conversations about the relation-/reflectionship between dreamer and her DCs.


Thank you for taking the time to read this... I miss the good all days of crappy and worse Enlglish + psychotic bablings I did then,, now I'm not allowed to do that anymore,,, only clean discourse (which was the demand that iced my first thread here) oh, the irony

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

you're probably right

I've also noticed that the only people on this forum who have a problem with me are the blindly egotistical ones. I haven't had any problems with people I consider humble. This leads me to two conclusions.

1. I'm egotistical, which I already knew, or I wouldn't be so quick to perceive the arrogance in others

2. They're not actually attacking my egotism, they're lashing out against their own egotism and projecting it on me.

Sometimes, it's not so mutual. For instance my mother thinks I'm lazy and worthless even though I work pretty damn hard. But to her, every time I sit down for a second I might as well have been that way for 23 years. When I look closer, I realize she hasn't been able to hold a job her entire life and has survived almost entirely on her inheritance. I don't hate or criticize lazy people. I don't even believe laziness exists, just fear. But she can't admit to herself what her own problem is, so she projects it on others that exhibit it, whether or not they display those traits in reality or just in her head.

1. I'm egotistical, which I already knew, or I wouldn't be so quick to perceive the arrogance in others

arrogance and confidence and often confused

2. They're not actually attacking my egotism, they're lashing out against their own egotism and projecting it on me.

the only projections are our assumptions of them

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

arrogance and confidence and often confused

Quite often by the very people who exude them.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

I've heard before that to figure out yourself, look at what you hate in other people. If you did not carry that habit or attitude yourself, it would not bother you. What are your thoughts on this idea?

^I'm normally good at making connections, but I honestly can't see how that video can be a response to what you quoted in any way.

There's another interesting point to be brought up, as mentioned by Juroara and labyrint. I almost wanted to make a new thread specifically about the issue but this one already exists so why bother.

Let's take a look at InvisibleWoman. My first inclination is that she's a troll, and I should pay no attention to anything she posts in ED. I came to this conclusion based on all her posts in ED so far, which have painted for me a very clear picture of someone who posts despite having nothing to add.

But as I watch labyrint's interaction with IW in the Chaos Mages thread, and as I read his post in the Attention Seeking thread where he describes seeing his world like a dreamworld, comparing Dianeva with Diana and all the respective symbolism relating to Diana as well as associating Seroquel with longterm use of the drug Seroquel, I can't help but find this perspective fascinating. It is so easy to write off a particular person as behaving a particular way and putting all the blame on them for their attitude. If only they were not involving themselves in the thread, it would go so much smoother. But then again...

While I know one of the attributes of schizophrenia is where you tie together senseless information into a bigger picture, I also have to pause in wonder if there are benefits to this outlook. Again, as I have mentioned several times before, I am not concerned with truth nor believe it exists, I am concerned with benefit and value. It's interesting how quickly people write off the opinions of others using the expression "whatever floats your boat" without realizing the significance of that statement. The individual who is floating their boat is attempting not to drown. Moreover, evolutionary speaking, they are attempting to succeed in life. What use do abstract ideas like truth and reality have in comparison with evolutionary success and failure? How can you even gauge truth outside of evolutionary prosperity? And what could be the harm, therefore, in exploring the ridiculous? When history has taught us that the greatest fortunes were awarded to those with the balls to explore ideas that warranted ridicule from their peers?

...Perhaps it is not in my best interest to judge others despite what I have learned of their character. Part of me reflexively attacks this notion that you could associate someone with their chosen username. After all, look at mine. Or, if you're a GITS fan, take the user The Laughing Man who lacks all the humility and depth of the actual character from the series. But perhaps it is our duty to find the lesson lurking beyond the first impression. The Laughing Man did not give himself that name, he gave himself the name Aoi. The Laughing Man was attributed to a terrorist in a thicker plot of corporate blackmail and tactics of technological and medical monopolization. Aoi, a radical young thinker, accidentally aided the very people he intended to stop by giving them a super hacker to pin their schemes on, and so The Laughing Man was born. It was a name rejected by the actual character, who felt guilty that his self-righteous actions aided his enemies and so hid away from further exploits while fame surrounding his actions continued to build.

I don't know exactly how this could relate to the actual user except to know that I shouldn't expect someone who picks the name for themselves to be anything like the character that rejected the name attributed to them. Perhaps, were I to break apart these categorical characters I have stuffed certain users into, and allow the world to reflect my inner world through different voices, I would be able to take greater control over my own life.

But it's really, really difficult to see the world that way. After being entrapped by the police into committing a crime I normally wouldn't, I'm facing a possible 5 year prison sentence. All I can do is lash out in anger at this brutally corrupt system. How can I possibly see this system as anything other than a target worthy of the full extent of my wrath? How can I get over my fear of prison in order to sustain some positive thinking or whatever bullshit they talk about regarding manifestation and change my position in life? If I wasn't put in such a desperate situation, I wouldn't have such obstacles in acquiring a more self-responsible worldview. It would be much easier to see the situation of a polluted river as a reflection of my attitude rather than a parasitic justice system currently preying on another victim. This idea plagues my head that my life circumstances are a reflection of my thought patterns, but I'm faced with the indomitable understanding that nothing I do will cause this justice system to act less predatory. And I cannot accept it, I cannot use a faith in karma and cosmic consciousness to overcome it. My only fault was naivety. I deserve none of this. Whatever wrongs I did in my life, I have paid for and then some. I cannot account for past lives. Perhaps if I could do some past life study I'd be able to more fully accept my position in life and take greater responsibility. But for right now, it's far easier to accept that this world is just a violent, selfish place where people get fucked over all the time and I should be grateful I was never kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. But if I accept that, I become another demon. For if the world is not a reflection of my innerworld, then there are people who deserve my merciless retribution for their crimes.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

After being entrapped by the police into committing a crime I normally wouldn't, I'm facing a possible 5 year prison sentence. All I can do is lash out in anger at this brutally corrupt system. How can I possibly see this system as anything other than a target worthy of the full extent of my wrath? How can I get over my fear of prison in order to sustain some positive thinking or whatever bullshit they talk about regarding manifestation and change my position in life? If I wasn't put in such a desperate situation, I wouldn't have such obstacles in acquiring a more self-responsible worldview. It would be much easier to see the situation of a polluted river as a reflection of my attitude rather than a parasitic justice system currently preying on another victim. This idea plagues my head that my life circumstances are a reflection of my thought patterns, but I'm faced with the indomitable understanding that nothing I do will cause this justice system to act less predatory. And I cannot accept it, I cannot use a faith in karma and cosmic consciousness to overcome it. My only fault was naivety. I deserve none of this. Whatever wrongs I did in my life, I have paid for and then some. I cannot account for past lives. Perhaps if I could do some past life study I'd be able to more fully accept my position in life and take greater responsibility. But for right now, it's far easier to accept that this world is just a violent, selfish place where people get fucked over all the time and I should be grateful I was never kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. But if I accept that, I become another demon. For if the world is not a reflection of my innerworld, then there are people who deserve my merciless retribution for their crimes.

Are you talking about a real life situation here? Is everything okay?

It probably will be considering I have no priors and I'm pushing an entrapment defense but it's a rather frightening situation and the process has been one of the most difficult I've ever had.

But it could be a much easier fix than this because I know who set me up and I could find that person and stop them from testifying, were I that sort of person. It's taking all the wisdom I have accumulated over my lifetime to resist the temptation to seek retribution. And sometimes I waver and I think it's time for action. But I'm trying my best to do this thing the proper way, go after the system that enables this sort of behavior rather than let it turn me into something I despise. It would be easier if I could somehow see what this situation is reflecting inside of me. What about my attitude has caused these circumstances to emerge...

not even trying to hide it, now

I think it's better to go through the mirror and seeing infinite possibilities instead of looking at it. The more you look at it, the more people start to look like objects that you decide whether or not should be filled. To see beyond the projections of what you think is flawed is just one scope of how we can define ourselves.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

I think it's better to go through the mirror and seeing infinite possibilities instead of looking at it. The more you look at it, the more people start to look like objects that you decide whether or not should be filled. To see beyond the projections of what you think is flawed is just one scope of how we can define ourselves.

I'm not sure I understand. Could you give an example of what you mean?