Bubblebee workbook

[Bubblebee]

As i've written about in my intro topic, my main reason for failure is lack of dedication and determination. The more I read about LD, the more I daydream about it. The more excited I get, and the more I want it. And then the same thing happens to me that has been happening to me my entire life... it takes genuine effort and I quit... Well, no more. I need kicks in the butt. And maybe keeping an online public workbook here will be that little push I so badly need. Anyway, here goes! I've started my dream journal, got a nice notebook with a cover that I really like. It opens easy, and stays open easy. Reality Checks: - Pushing my right index finger through my left hand palm - Pinching my nose and try to blow air through it - Looking at my hand up close and studying them if they look weird - Checking my reality. Am I dreaming? I ask myself this every time i get in and out of an elevator. (I use an elevator a lot at my work, and for some reason, elevators show up a lot in my dreams) Dream Signs: - Elevators - (need more recorded dreams to update) Short-Term Goals: - Get to explore the matrix inside my head - Do crazy stuff - Reduce stress Long-Term Goals: - Improve my WL by having healthier sleep routines - Become a better person, more relaxed. More focus on the now, less on the past - Find out where my inner rage / angryness / unhappiness comes from - Stop drinking alcohol 100% Lucid/Dream Recall History: - No Lucid dreams - Dream recall is a bit muddy. Probably because of the alcohol :-) But i've always been a daydreamer. A really vivid and good daydreamer. In fact, I have several report cards from school that literally say 'Needs to be present in the real world, not in dreamland'. I usually 'plan' my dreams. I kinda write them out like a scenario, a play if you want. I do that pretty much every night when I go to sleep, and often when daydreaming to. I choose a theme (Star trek for instance) and it's like i pick it out of a flip box spinning wheel. Then the setting, the characters etc. And I fill it in. And start the 'play/movie'. And then I interact with it. And if something is not right, I stop the play/movie, rewind (literally) and resume. Often this last a good 20 to 30 minutes or so. Me 'daydreaming' when I go to bed. Current Technique: - ADA - DILD - Hoping my DJ will help me get a DILD (or DEILD) - I have a 1y old son that wakes up often at 5-6am. Thinking about using that waking time to do WBTB.

[Bubblebee]

Thursday morning 6/2 Woke up due to my 1y old son crying. Stayed motionless for a minute to let the dream sink in, because it was a lot. Tended to my son, and wrote down the following afterwards. Dream Journal entry I'm inside a big building. Something to do with a school party. I don't know why, or what school. But my dad is present as well. He wants me to do stuff. He's going up and down with an elevator. Now I see more on the surrounding. The building is old, so is the elevator. It's an older building, not ancient, just not well maintained. The elevator is rusty, and small. I'm not keen on using it. My dad wants me to do stuff, I have no idea what. Suddenly I'm inside the elevator, and it's moving. I think. The next scene is hazy. I'm inside a room. It's inside the same building, I know for sure. There is a woman there, about my age. This is her room. She's a psychiatrist. She seems unpatient and not very interested in me. There has been a group session, and I was present there, and she has concluded I need her help. I hesitate. "Can you help me?" I remember asking that. But not to her directly. I mean it as "Can anyone help me?" Finally I agree to her. She seems happy now. She writes down an new appointment to evaluate the session. When? I choose the 8 am appointment opening. She seems even more delighted that I chose that hour. No idea why. Now the woman seems familiar to me. It's my neighbour from across the street. She's an eastern-european woman. The setting of the appartment building suddenly feels european to me. Old russia or something. Suddenly I'm outside the building, and I want to ride my bike home. But I'm not really sure anymore how to get home. I have my phone and plan a route. The phone updates and shows me a weird route. Over a bridge. And then under it. Then a man is standing next to me, and starts talking to me. He points to his truck and tells me he need to be over there in between the skyscrapers, but he can't get to there because of the market that is blocking the way. He takes out money and offers it to me if I would be kind enough to drive the truck to the place. It doesn't feel right, so I decline. And head off, home. I discover a short cut home. If I drive of this small clip next to the bridge, I land on the road under it and cut off a long piece of road. I'm inside a big big city. So many big buildings, and this bridge is weird. It doesn't fit here at all. And it's old, not maintained. So much weed and tall grass everywhere. Then I wake up. Signs: - Elevator - Dad

[Bubblebee]

Night of Thursday 6/2 on Friday 6/3 Went to bed around 10.30pm, was filled with excitement. I don't know why, but I felt really motivated. Going to bed at that time is very unlike me. I kept repeating 'After I wake up I will remember my dream'. I remembered reading a topic here on DV about a technique. You focus intentionally on auditory HH (or HI?), more specific background noise of people speaking. The intention is that after a while your mind takes over and keeps doing it without your conscious effort. So I tried that. I have a thing for auditory stuff in the waking world, so I figured why not. And I have a feeling this really works, because after what seemed like a short period, I felt myself wandering and drifting into this chaotic HI. Loud vibration noises in my ears, the ambient noise of the room (wife) slowly fading away. Unfortunately, my wife was a bit ill at that moment, and she kept me awake or got me out of my little zone all the time. At around 00.30AM I woke briefly because my wife went downstairs, and I wrote down the following dream: # Dream journal entry # I am at home in my living room, and I'm looking out through the back window at my yard. In the distance, at the end of the yard, there is a garage. It belongs to us (note: we don't have a garage there in WL). The car is in the garage when suddenly there seems to be a fire in the garage. I keep looking out through the back window, and I don't go outside to look. It doesn't feel safe. There are small explosions, and I think it must be the gasoline that is exploding. After what seems to be a while, I do step outside to go take a look. As expected, the car is completely burned. A wreck. I'm mad. Why didn't we call the fire department? Now I notice my family members are present in the house. I don't see them, but I feel they are near. The view shifts, and I'm back in my house. Only it looks very very different than before. No longer is there a back window, no doors. It looks like a big centre room, with stairs and other rooms connected to it in a weird manner. It looks like a house build by M.C. Esher. All of a sudden, this huge container is dropped in the middle of the room, and from inside comes and army of robot firemen. Or mecha firemen. Firemen in suits that look like Space Marines from Warhammer 40k. They are here to battle the fire. But there is no fire. Just as I'm going to ask what is going on, a huge wire rope crane bursts through the side wall, taking out a huge part of the wall and the ceiling. I see the driver smiling after he has done this. He's also battling the fire. Now I'm mad at the firemen. I awake ... Dream Signs: Honestly, no freaking idea. I just reread my previous dream journal, from 3 months ago, and the dreams then were equally weird. As in makes not sense what so ever. It's a miracle I'm not waking up from these dreams, I mean just read them :-)

[NyxCC]

Hey Bubblebee, welcome to the class! How have your practices been going? Any notable change in dream contents?

[Bubblebee]

Yep, still going strong actually. I've been keeping my dream journal steady. Always at least 1 detailed dream at night, but now sometimes I get two or three dreams I can really remember. I've also been working on my diet a lot. I've completely shut out all fast sugars like soda, candy, white bread etc ... and instead I'm eating very nutritious food (lots of minerals, omega3 DHA & EPA, nuts, whole wheat bread ...). And what's most important, I haven't touched a single drop of alcohol. The impact this is having on my sleep pattern is just ... beyond words. For the first time in years I'm actually sleeping well, no longer am I lying awake in bed for over an hour counting sheep before finally falling asleep. In the past couple of days, I just put my head down, and I'm in dreamland. During the day I have a lot more energy, more mental stamina. More focus, more passion to get to the end of this. And this time it came from me, without pressure, without promises, without tears ... I'll be honest, it's hard at times, not drinking, especially at social gatherings (family stuff, party ...), but I'm managing. I'm not even close to getting there, but at least I'm closer than I was yesterday. So it's weird, I started this with the intention of Lucid Dreaming, and although I haven't had a LD yet, my life suddenly, without realizing it, is different. And it feels good :-). I'm still writing down unbelievable weird dreams in my DJ, and often with amazing details. Colors and shapes. And I'm actually convinced that in the near future I will have my LD experience. But right now, honestly I can't really explain it. It's like I once more reached a turning point in my life, and this time I actually reached out and took it. This post turned out a lot more dramatic than I thought, so apologies for that :-) But it is what it is. I just saw that spellbee re-did the buddy program, maybe I'll search for a LD buddy. To keep me focused on the LD. Because LD is what got me on this path, even if I haven't experienced a LD yet, I feel I should be thankful or something. Weird I know.

[NyxCC]

So it's weird, I started this with the intention of Lucid Dreaming, and although I haven't had a LD yet, my life suddenly, without realizing it, is different. And it feels good :-). I guess that's why we call the entirety of the practices lucid living. You can't quite make the most of your nights if don't try to make the most of your days.

[dreamingaze]

Welcome! In reading this post, I can relate on many levels. I just got back onto DV this week because I am really feeling the pull of lucid dreaming in my life again. It's been a passion of mine for a long time, but my practice fell away into the background when I started graduate school two years ago. To help get me back on track with everything, including my dreaming, I also just made a significant change in my diet including cutting out sugar, processed carbs, etc. I'm still drinking some red wine, but I've cut way back. It's not an easy shift, but like you, I feel the difference! I am hoping the change in my body chemistry will help with lucidity. A lucid dreaming practice really can change your entire life. It's a complete mental shift if you are open to the full potential of this kind of dream work. Congrats on your motivation and life change! Your first LD is right around the corner.

[Bubblebee]

Thank you very much dreamingaze, for the kind words :-)

[Bubblebee]

Things have been going rather dull the past couple of days. Our son (1.5 y) is going through some developmental milestones, and as a result his sleeping pattern is a bit off, he wakes up a lot during the night. This is really exhausting for both me and my wife. So I haven't been paying a lot of attention to my DJ, just don't have the mental energy for it at the moment. I am however getting more grip on my own sleeping pattern, instead of going to bed at midnight, I'm getting better at tucking in around 10 - 10.30 pm. My sleep itself is so much better, and often I don't even remember falling asleep. And most importantly, still haven't touched a single drop of alcohol, which is a huge something on itself. The few dreams I have noted down in my DJ are the usual weirdness. But with a lot of detail. Especially colors, and shapes. It's been so 'weird', remembering the amount of vivid details that I actually bought myself a new set of Sakura Pigma Micron Drawing Pens, in order to drawn certain scenes of the dream out on paper. I used to draw a lot as a kid, and I actually can't remember why or when it was that I stopped doing that. I'm hoping that by drawing out dreams (not all of them, just the incredible weird "American Horror Story" ones) I get some sort of energy boost inside my dreams, and that it helps me mentally to keep writing in my DJ. Anyway, when my son stops crying his lungs out at night and I become less zombie-like in the mind during the day because of that, maybe I'll upload some scans of the drawings. Oh, I need a new pillow as well. o7

[dreamingaze]

American Horror Story dreams sound rather disturbing. LOL. But I think it's so great that you are drawing them!

[Bubblebee]

Success, kinda :-) Last night i had a very short DILD experience. In the dream i suddenly noticed a bench that was made out of carpet, and it was bend in this weird angle. I remember thinking "thats not right, is this a dream" and at that moment i looked at my hands. They looked so beautiful weird, like android plastic hand, with amazing detail. I then thought "this is it, im dreaming" and all of a sudden the light in the dream intensified, it was as if the sun exploded or something. I then got real excited, way to much i guess, because i lost control and the dream faded. I also remember rubbing my hands together hoping to stabilise the dream, but it didnt work.

[dreamingaze]

Congrats on your DILD success!

[Bubblebee]

Thank you :-) It's weird, for the past couple of days I haven't focused to much on LD, because I felt it was getting to obsessive. And then this short DILD happens.

[dreamingaze]

It's weird, for the past couple of days I haven't focused to much on LD, because I felt it was getting to obsessive. And then this short DILD happens. That seems to be how it goes for me as well. It feels like there is a fine balance between trying too hard and relaxing enough to trust the process and just allow it to happen.

[Bubblebee]

I think im going to search for a dream buddy, someone to talk with about dreams etc. I believe it might help with my motivation and focus.

[NyxCC]

Congrats on the DILD! Yes, I think that getting a buddy is a great idea and can bring lots of inspiration.

[Bubblebee]

Well here is a long time needed update. LD'ing got pushed a little (much) to the background. My life has been turned around rather huge the last couple of month due to me conquering my drinking issues. I've also been eating a lot more healthy ( a lot! ), and life is just more pleasant :-). Anyway, I've been slowly trying to pick up LD'ing again, trying to take it slow. Past 2 months I have really worked on my sleeping schedule, always getting to bed at the same time (10pm). My eating habits have been instrumental to this, no more added sugars etc, melatonin rich foods during the evening ... Here is the issue, and I probably know the answer myself, not really sure why I'm putting it here, maybe I just need to have the feeling that people are listening about this subject. My wife is not really unsupportive about the LD, she just doesn't get my fascination with it. When I go to sleep at 10pm, I do my usual routines. No TV or tablet stuff, read / think about LD, what I want to do in the dream. And when I lie down in bed, I fall asleep so fast. One second i'm doing my mantra, and the next i'm out. very weird. Probably the rich melatonin foods in eating that just knock me out or something. I actually like it, because in the past sleeping has always been a very annoying thing for me. When I wake up around 4am , without an alarm, and that usually happens every night (I drink a lot of water in the evening, sometimes warm milk with raw honey), I do my thing, and stay awake for 5 minutes. Any longer and I have trouble falling asleep fast. But the same thing happens. I try to think about the dream I wrote down upon awakening, and the next second i'm out. So how should I proceed? More active WILD? More active dream incubating? I wrote a couple of months ago that I have a lot of HI when I try to do WILD etc, but that doesn't happen often anymore. Why would that be? I'm trying not to let disappointment hit me. Instead I try to focus on the positives, the fact that I have overcome what is probably the biggest demon in my life, the fact that I have so much more energy because of my healthy eating habbits, that I no longer live as a vampire during the night but have a healthy sleep schedule now. Sorry for the wall of text :-) Just needed to vent a little.

[NyxCC]

Great to hear from you, Bubblebee! Good job establishing a healthy eating and sleeping regime, these are extremely important for the overall wellbeing and also contribute towards reaching lucidity goals in the long term. I'd say you are on the right track, so keep up the night routine even if you are falling asleep faster than desired. You can, in addition, work on expanding your day time practices so that your subconscious is in a state of ld expecation. I think that if you maintain good sleep habits and do any ld-related activities during the day, you are certainly increasing youe chances of having a lucid dream.

[Bubblebee]

Thanks for the peptalk NyxCC :-) You're correct about needing to add more LD related activities during the day. My job is so hectic and stressy (logistcs) it's often hard to do this because I'm constantly stressing to do this then get this done, then check this, then that ... the exact opposite of mindfullness i guess. But I'm honest, I need to get a kick in my willpower b*lls at night, when I wake around 4 or 5 am, I have these immense crazy dreams, and often I don't write down enough in my DJ about it. Just so hazy / cloudy in the head. The last two dreams it's just mindboggling why I didn't realise I was dreaming, so so weird dreams. Sharks that mutate in eels with tentacles that I later dissect in front of a crowd ... stuff like that lol. Oh well, glad I'm back into LD'ing. Just hoping that one night it wll pay off.

[Bubblebee]

Life is so hectic at the moment. We are on the verge of buying a new house, so much running around for everything. Add to that the regular life things work and two kids that need tending, the daughter that has been running a fever the last two days and ... you get the picture. My dream recall is so messed up right now, as in pretty non existent. I'm to blame mostly, so so tired, lack the willpower to write stuff down during the night (the little shards of dream that i do remember at times). It's ok :-) Life is throwing me some curveballs at the moment, just need to dodge them and remember I'm in this for the long run. I read several articles / topics (can't remember if they were on this forum) about dream yoga, meditation and awareness. And some stuff about RAS (reticular activating system). It was actually very informative and pretty much spot on regarding my situation. So I've been doing some light amateur meditation every evening, where I recognized what I think is my main issue. My focus shifts around so so much. I am unable to keep my focus on one particular thing. I realized this after reading a topic writing by FryingMan I believe, where you 'meditate' before going to bed and focus on your breath and learn to control your wandering thoughts. This is so difficult for me. And if it's so difficult for me in waking state, obviously it's going to be difficult in transition and in sleeping state. I'm an ADD basket case, and I really need to learn to live in the moment (wow, that sounded very Jedi-like ((living-force Qui-Gon Jinn joke for the Star Wars fans out there))). Anyway, it's going to be interesting exploring this in the coming very hectic months ahead of me.