thanks everyone i like to check this thread periodically nd it is refreshing to know im supported by teh dreamviews community. little update i am now a year and 4 months sober and am really involved in service in AA. I am speaking at my highschool this year about addiction and also writing a short book about my life experiences so that maybe it will reach other kids strugelling emotionally and with addiction. There "is still some kindness" left on this earth Vertebrate haha, you just gotta know where to look for it