Thanks a lot for your advices! I had a sort-of lucid yesterday night. i made a reality check that sort-of worked and i asked my subconscious what my biggest passion was. I turned back and I found a sheet of paper with 'being alone and destroying friendships' written in it.
I don't think I was lucid at all. It didn't feel any vivid, and I reacted in ways my conscious self wouldn't. It was like seeing me in an auto-pilot.
Maybe I was on the way of attaining lucidity, but I think my subconscious didn't want me to? Probably he wanted to tell me something far more important...
Plus I'm not a monster, and I swear 'being alone' and 'destroying friendships' aren't hobbies of mine - despite being comfortable with spending time alone, friendships that fade to an end are actually one of the most hurtful things that have ever happened to me. What do you think about it? Do you behave in ways you wouldn't in a lucid, or does it mean you aren't actually lucid at all?