Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

1/3 ?! Impressive! Yay you for sticking it out

Halloween has come and gone- just like any other day. No one came to my house but all the kids know I don't celebrate. I also live far from town so that helps.

I saw my p-doc today. I've had a really bad day. I'm just highly agitated for no reason. I've slept away almost 2 days.
I think I have throat cancer (says the hypochondriac in me). I've had a blister on my throat- pretty much exactly in the center- for the past several months. I've had an off again on again sore throat for that long too (but I almost ALWAYS- for YEARS- have a sore throat to one degree or another). I don't even notice the blister unless I look in my mouth. It's not changed at all.
I tried popping it with silver nitrate a few days ago I barely touched the spot when the taste already overwhelmed me.

I've searched Google images and it looks allergy/strep related- not bacterial or cancerous. I'm not going to the Dr. If I die, I die.
On one of the pages I read, someone's Dr. gave them silver nitrate lol I might try to go through with it again.

**EDIT**
*Sigh* My daughter just got home and yelled at my dog. I could tell from her voice that she was upset. I called her back to my room and asked if Bobbi (her friend) had been taken today. She had been.
When she saw that Bobbi wasn't the bus to come here, Zee called her friends parents. That's when she heard the news.
Now she's even more certain that she'll be taken as well on Friday. And she probably will be.
I guess we'll see.

I have tons of essays to write and my group dumped the group essay on ME, so now I'm writing 3 essays all due either tonight or tomorrow.

I'm still on my mom's phone plan, but she wants ME to pay $25 a month. My line costs 10 dollars to exist; everything else is text and minutes. SHE was the one who MADE me get a cell phone so I would have it for emergencies; I use 0 minutes a month, and I use 9% of the family's text messages per month, which cost 30 dollars a month for the whole family. So I should be paying 8% of that, but I'm supposed to instead pay for the MAJORITY of it. But I am unable to reason with her on it. It makes it worse when I try to reason with her NOW, because it's her time of the month so she's all "RAHHHHHHHHH I SEE YOU TEXTING ALL THE TIME!" No, no you really don't... it's everyone else on your phone plan doing it!

I'm glad my problems aren't terrible though... I mean I need to vent about it sometimes but at least I'm not starving... just broke and unable to afford an extra $15 a month.

You should just get a prepaid SIM?

Originally Posted by tommo

You should just get a prepaid SIM?

Or a brick.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

Or a brick.

LOL! Well, that may be a bit of an over reaction. But maybe not.

I think I am going to die. I'm sooo sick right now and I'm at work. Funny thing is the jackass who gave it to me is home sick, and my boss is sick, and our secretary is sick. Lol one customer actually told me not to touch something because he didn't want to get sick. But I understand that, cause he's getting married in like a week.

Why didn't you just call in sick? Especially if you deal with customers.

Cause I'm the only one at work. The Other guy called in sick. And my boss is out all day.

So that gives you license to infect everybody... Should've just closed the place for the day, it's bad business when the only clerk is dying and looks contagious.

OldSparta Hope you and everyone around you get better very soon.

I was sleeping wonderfully when my cellphone went off. I jumped up and answered it and it was just the schools automated system calling to inform me for the second time that my son missed school today.
Then I realized how crappy I felt (and still feel). I was sweaty/clammy, my ear was killing me from laying on, I'm gassy and my back hurts a little which points to a gallbladder episode (the last 2 and first one anyhow lol)

Hubby and I celebrate our 10th anniversary tomorrow. We ALWAYS forget and don't do anything lol This year, I've kept reminding myself. I just got off the phone with him and reminded him, so we may actually get out and do something together tomorrow.
I want to make him a card or something but I have a severe block.

Originally Posted by Spartiate

So that gives you license to infect everybody... Should've just closed the place for the day, it's bad business when the only clerk is dying and looks contagious.

Yes thank you. But due to some very untimely circumstances, we could not close.

I feel so frustrated, cranky, angry, sad, upset, overwhelmed, etc. Right now. I want to like punch a wall ahh, everything feels like a dream xD

I misplaced my joint and now it's lying around somewhere in the house and I have to go on a Special Ops mission and find it before my parents do, while hiding the fact that I'm high. It's in one of those skunk bags so I can't rely on the smell to lead me to it. =/

They're the type of people who think marijuana is just as bad as heroin so if I don't find it before them, I'm screwed. On the plus side, it'll be like an adventure. A stealthy adventure. And I'm good at stealth games so I totally have the advantage, I'll just use everything I learned from playing Splinter Cell.

Are you sure you didn't smoke it already?

I'm constantly striving to become someone. I imagine every day that person who I want so badly to be. It seems almost every day I set out with the intention to be that person, but I never reach it. Sometimes, the only times I'm not anxious, depressed, or unfulfilled in some other way, I feel as though I've begun to really do it. But eventually, within a few minutes or hours, I stop caring and go back to my usual self.

I hate to think about it but I wonder if I will ever meet the goal. It seems so easy. It's nothing impossible. With a bit of willpower... no, not willpower. It isn't about that. It's consistency of will. If I know that I want to do something I have little problem with summoning the determination to do it. It's when I don't even care enough to try to impose willpower that I fail.

I've tried so many things, things that seem different from the rest. Obvious techniques like music therapy, I've tried pure strength of will, reminding myself that I really want to meet a goal so that the will will come back even when it falters. I've tried not trying, relaxing and not worrying about it anymore. Creating lists for myself, rules. Nothing works. When one of my core desires changes, there just isn't a way to enforce what it used to be.

It isn't only these selfish goals for which this is a problem. I cannot be trusted, by anyone. I might promise someone something, and be willing to do almost anything within reason to keep that promise, for days, years. But when I stop even feeling the desire to keep that promise, I have no reason not to break it. I might form a belief that promises are good, and I should have a fundamental desire to keep any promise. But even that goes away. And this isn't hypothetical. I think some important parts of my life have been ruined because of it. And have yet to be ruined. I can't promise commitment to anyone. I have no way to guarantee that I won't someday change my mind and stop loving that person. It's even harder when it's already happened once.

I worry it is only me who is like this, that I'm just some monstrous person. I really don't know.

As living organic beings we're constantly changing, little by little, every day. Look back 10 years - are you the same person you were then? Of course not - it's not possible. And in 10 more years you'll be totally different again. Life is growth and growth is change. Without change there is only stasis, and that's inimical to life. We make promises that we fully intend to keep, but things change - you change, the other person changes, your relationship changes - and no-one can be forever held to a promise they made under different circumstances. Just make sure to be true to yourself, whoever you may be becoming. Rather than try to fight it with willpower, work on learning who that is, and settle in and enjoy the ride. Life isn't a series of goals that must be met it's a continuing, ever-changing process of becoming.

Ok, speech over.

Originally Posted by Erii

I feel so frustrated, cranky, angry, sad, upset, overwhelmed, etc. Right now. I want to like punch a wall ahh, everything feels like a dream xD

Yes, I know. Rasp just abandoned us. It's okay, she'll come crawling back eventually.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I misplaced my joint and now it's lying around somewhere in the house and I have to go on a Special Ops mission and find it before my parents do, while hiding the fact that I'm high. It's in one of those skunk bags so I can't rely on the smell to lead me to it. =/

They're the type of people who think marijuana is just as bad as heroin so if I don't find it before them, I'm screwed. On the plus side, it'll be like an adventure. A stealthy adventure. And I'm good at stealth games so I totally have the advantage, I'll just use everything I learned from playing Splinter Cell.

....and he was never heard from again....


Seriously though, check your pocket or behind your ear or something lol If you're stoned, it's almost guaranteed to be somewhere like that.
Or.... the freezer or something lol

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I'm constantly striving to become someone. I imagine every day that person who I want so badly to be. It seems almost every day I set out with the intention to be that person, but I never reach it. Sometimes, the only times I'm not anxious, depressed, or unfulfilled in some other way, I feel as though I've begun to really do it. But eventually, within a few minutes or hours, I stop caring and go back to my usual self.

I hate to think about it but I wonder if I will ever meet the goal. It seems so easy. It's nothing impossible. With a bit of willpower... no, not willpower. It isn't about that. It's consistency of will. If I know that I want to do something I have little problem with summoning the determination to do it. It's when I don't even care enough to try to impose willpower that I fail.

I've tried so many things, things that seem different from the rest. Obvious techniques like music therapy, I've tried pure strength of will, reminding myself that I really want to meet a goal so that the will will come back even when it falters. I've tried not trying, relaxing and not worrying about it anymore. Creating lists for myself, rules. Nothing works. When one of my core desires changes, there just isn't a way to enforce what it used to be.

It isn't only these selfish goals for which this is a problem. I cannot be trusted, by anyone. I might promise someone something, and be willing to do almost anything within reason to keep that promise, for days, years. But when I stop even feeling the desire to keep that promise, I have no reason not to break it. I might form a belief that promises are good, and I should have a fundamental desire to keep any promise. But even that goes away. And this isn't hypothetical. I think some important parts of my life have been ruined because of it. And have yet to be ruined. I can't promise commitment to anyone. I have no way to guarantee that I won't someday change my mind and stop loving that person. It's even harder when it's already happened once.

I worry it is only me who is like this, that I'm just some monstrous person. I really don't know.

Well, there's at least one other person like this.

Regarding willpower, or the will to do stuff going away. If you don't want to do something, there is little that would make you do it.
It's as simple as that. In fact, anybody who ignores what they want to do, and just struggle on with some goal they don't want, is EXTREMELY unhappy.

So I have a question for you. Why do you try to reach goals "when I don't even care enough to try to impose willpower" and "When one of my core desires changes, there just isn't a way to enforce what it used to be"?

Originally Posted by tommo

Yes, I know. Rasp just abandoned us. It's okay, she'll come crawling back eventually.

I thought she got bant or sumthing?

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

I thought she got bant or sumthing?

Really!? wtf....

I currently have a lot of conflicting emotions. But I can't make out any of them. It's very confusing.

Ok, I'm start to look and feel like my avatar right now. Stupid fucking assholes who don't know the meaning of 3 to 5 days are pissing me off. Serouisly, I had like 6 of these conversation already, and we've been open for 30 mins.

Customer: "hey is my computer done"
Me: "I dunno, Whats you name again?"
Customer: *says name* "I brought it in yesterday"
me: *sigh* "Ok, it hasn't been looked at yet, 3-5 Business days."
Customer: "WELL HE SAID IT BE READY TODAY!"
me: " No, no I did not, I was the ONLY person in yesterday, you talked to me, and I did not say that."
Customer: "Oh... welll... Ok then call me whens it done"

GAH! fucking idiots. Sometimes I just want to smack them.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

I thought she got bant or sumthing?

Originally Posted by tommo

Really!? wtf....

Lol... No.

Unexpectedly, had to give a half-assed presentation to 350 people. Not nice when I'm bad at public speaking.

I hate Dell. I hate Windows. That's my grumble of the day. Why in the HELL would an ?advanced? operating system, such as Windows Server require you to insert a floppy disk in order to load the RAID driver? Who the hell uses FLOPPY disks anymore?!

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I misplaced my joint and now it's lying around somewhere

I used to have a ferret that would eat mine. Do you have any unusually lethargic pets at the moment?