Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I used to support SafePlace, here in Austin. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is headquartered here.

It's important to recognize those feelings for what they are.

It's important to be honest with yourself.


It's important because someone small is depending on you.


There is nothing bad in leaving when he's not around. It's probably the smart way to do it.

If you were a child, would you want to grow up in this environment?

Thanks again guys. Link, I'm sorry you had to see your mom go through this. Seeing it from your perspective really helps, though. I don't want my son to feel that way ever. I don't know if there's a way to avoid it. What if he's angry for leaving his father? You know? It's hard. Not to mention, the little one I have growing inside me now. I'm about to be a single mother of two it seems.

The government cares more about me than my fucking husband. That's pretty sad.

Thanks Mel, I see what you're saying. Those are the quesitons I'm having trouble answering. He's only violent when I speak my mind about how I feel, which is pretty bad. No, I don't want my son growing up around this.

Part of me believes that if I leave, he might change and chase me. That's wrong to think that way, isn't it? I was really hoping we'd be family for life. If this is truly the end, I'm done with relationships. I've never given myself the chance to stay single. I've always been in a relationship it seems. I'm dependent on people. Need to break that chain.

He left a little before nine saying "I'll be back in a little bit, need anything?" and it's past midnight. Motherfucker will come home drunk, or worse, he's probably in jail or something. With my car. I don't know what's going to stop me from exploding when he DOES get home. If anything, he's sleeping on the fucking couch tonight.

Suena.
I have nothing to add except to be careful and to do whatever is best for you and your kids.

The first step is always the hardest.

*walk out the door*

Everything after that is freedom. No one is telling you this will be a cake walk. It won't be. But neither is life there.

A future is better than an empty existence.

Talking to us is good for motivation, though I hope you also talk to some people close to you. They can help you better than we can.

A helping hand.

Sometimes perfect strangers can show more caring than those who are supposed to love us.

It sounds like you know what you need to do. Start taking steps to put that idea in action.

Originally Posted by Suena

Thanks again guys. Link, I'm sorry you had to see your mom go through this. Seeing it from your perspective really helps, though. I don't want my son to feel that way ever. I don't know if there's a way to avoid it. What if he's angry for leaving his father? You know? It's hard. Not to mention, the little one I have growing inside me now. I'm about to be a single mother of two it seems.

You are right, there is the possibility that both of them may become mad as to why they left their father.

My mother had several children that didn't make it out of her womb, they all died but me......

That itself....it kills me sometimes...which is why I'm screwed up in the head sometimes...and think that I'm just a random probability that went through.

I was lucky to be born instead of being born lucky.

In a way, even if they do become angry at you for leaving him in the future, you should just know that whatever decision you come to, just know you did it for your children and for your well being as well.

EDIT:

Yeah, what melanieb said.

Double edit:

Lol, didn't see the others respond until now.

Originally Posted by Suena

The government cares more about me than my fucking husband. That's pretty sad.

=/

It is sad, one of the reasons why I long for using dreams as a release, I honestly feel that all of the things we experience are just an illusion....I just feel like we're materials in this world :/

Rant:

The girl I thought I liked and drew is in a relationship now.

Edit: well, she obviously would be in one by now, she's really exotic looking

Damn you Facebook!!!

And what's awkward is, whoever she's going out with, if they see the drawing I did for her, those hours I put in for her....

LOL...this is going to be fucking awkward for her new boyfriend.....

Especially the other drawing I did with a girl in her playboy outfit....how the hell did I manage to do that...her boyfriend was jealous of me, but he was cool with it, but because I did a better drawing than he did in the past, I don't know.....

Oh god, who am I!!!

I'm going to sleep, before I start crying.

I could just troll on the boyfriend and say, "Top that, son." Wow, I'm actually jealous.



ugh....too much thoughts!!!

She wasn't the one.

Another will come, and she will be the right one.

*hug*

Link. What Melanie said

My Rant: I am still awake. Why, on God's green earth, am I STILL awake? I had no caffeine after 3PM even though I was dragging until around 6PM. I woke at 11 and I had a very busy day (for me anyhow lol). But I can't fall asleep for the life of me.
*Grrrrr*
And now I'm hungry. Son is making hard boiled eggs in the Steamer. I might have him fix me up some fish and cauliflower too
I'm THAT hungry

The more I exercise, the more I eat. I don't think I'm ever going to lose any weight

**EDIT**
Son's strong-arming me. I said "Guess what time it is?!" (I usually say Chimichanga time ) but instead I said "Fish and cauliflower and hard-boiled eggs time!"
He told me to dream on.
I told him I'd give him a cigarette.
He told me to make it 2.
Nope. Not going any higher than 1. I only have 1/2 a pack left. He ran out a couple of hours ago so I'm letting him use one of my e-cigs.
I should tell him I'm charging rent on it

Originally Posted by GavinGill

That's probably too long. Start with something shorter, like one week, then work your way up to a week and a half, two weeks, etc

If I can last for a week without headphones, I can last for a month. But one day is enough to cause my anxiety. Maybe plus the constraints of unable to listen to anything at night because I share a room with my grandma.

Originally Posted by ColdCrisis

I HATE THIS COUNTRY SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

They already blocked sooo many Youtube videos (in terms of search results,we get just a percentage of what you US citizens get) and now they plan to block even more.I can't recall when I last found a working music video!

The gas prices are INHUMAN! 1,72€ PER LITER! That is about 8,5$ per gallon!
I can barely afford seeing my GF who lives pretty much far away...

This is causing alot of real heartache right now!

Try this: Ultrasurf - Free Proxy-Based Internet Privacy and Security Tools

It only works for browsers. That's how I managed to play neopets at school. (Because they freaking block neopets and not RuneScape?)

Originally Posted by melanieb

She wasn't the one.

Another will come, and she will be the right one.

*hug*

I wonder how long each one of you takes to fall in love with someone. I wonder how long I'll take to find another one if the one I like now isn't the right one.

So I've been talking to my mom all morning and she's more than willing to help me out of this situation. She also keeps suggesting that I try talking to him. I made the mistake last night of telling him that I wasn't sure if I loved him anymore. I mean, he just walked in the door four hours later and was like... "heyy." I'm in tears and he just pretends not to see them? I don't know. We fought for a little, well, I did most of the talking because he basically had nothing to say for himself. He doesn't believe he did or ever does anything wrong. He said I'm just full of drama and he kicked me out at one in the morning finally. I stayed out in the car and called my mom and told her what was going on. I didn't leave. He came back out and said, "I don't care about your drama, but you need to leave. Or better yet, come inside and sleep on the fucking couch."

Ha, me? Yup, I slept on the couch last night, not him. And my back is really aching for it. While I was talking to him last night, trying to communicate, he was like, "uhhh, do you terribly mind if I turn the music up loud enough to drown you out?"

I broke down then, I said that I hated him, which I don't, but I was angry and hurt that he never listens to how he makes me feel. I shouldn't have went off on him like that, but leaving someone hanging alone for four hours at night will do that to a person. He should understand. I told him I was going to leave. Now I just need to figure out where to go.

Around nine this morning he brought my son out to me in the living room, said my name real loud, put my son down to play and went back to bed. I also asked him last night, before I told him that I wasn't sure I loved him anymore, if he loved me. He didn't answer. He told me I use love as an insult. I don't understand, I wanted to know if he wanted me around or not. I understand he was angry and probably didn't want to say it, but that hurts. You should be able to see love even through anger, and I can, but he doesn't, so I question my own feelings. I really don't know if I do anymore, I really don't.

Part of me feels like I'm just hanging on because I need him and things are easier when I keep my mouth shut. But I can't do that anymore, I can't. I want to change things with myself, which I do admit, I've got my own issues. But I own up to them and I recognize when I'm doing something wrong, but he doesn't. It's all me. Guess I'll be hanging out at my parents later. This sucks because I've got so much homework and finals coming up.

Originally Posted by Carrot

I wonder how long each one of you takes to fall in love with someone. I wonder how long I'll take to find another one if the one I like now isn't the right one.

http://splicd.com/4go_wRl05is/405/432

Ha, me? Yup, I slept on the couch last night, not him. And my back is really aching for it. While I was talking to him last night, trying to communicate, he was like, "uhhh, do you terribly mind if I turn the music up loud enough to drown you out?"

Woooow, that's just.......at least he didn't pull the "I'm going to lock the bedroom so I can't hear you" move.

Originally Posted by Suena

You should be able to see love even through anger, and I can, but he doesn't, so I question my own feelings. I really don't know if I do anymore, I really don't.

Right, when a woman tells a guy these things, guys should take it as proof that the woman trusts you enough for them to show deep emotional releases to them.

But nope, not a lot of guys will realize this and categorize the female as being moody or whatever for no reason.

Originally Posted by Suena

Part of me feels like I'm just hanging on because I need him and things are easier when I keep my mouth shut. But I can't do that anymore, I can't. I want to change things with myself, which I do admit, I've got my own issues. But I own up to them and I recognize when I'm doing something wrong, but he doesn't. It's all me. Guess I'll be hanging out at my parents later. This sucks because I've got so much homework and finals coming up.

If you really do want to change things, you should take advantage that your family is willing to help you, and start from there to see what happens.

I'm no therapist, but it seems like you're hesitant because you still wanted to feel loved by him (I could be way off, so disregard the rest of my post if you feel this is inaccurate). Because other than that, what you're describing sounds like a pretty worthless man. Again, this may sound harsh especially from a complete stranger, but I'm just going by what you've written.

As link said, if your parents are willing to help, let them. You'll have a place to stay for a while, do some "recovering" on your own, and then be ready to stand up tall and move on. Being alone may be hard if you're not used to it, but it can also be very powerful. I think if you can't be happy alone, you'll never be happy with someone else either. You need to be able to love yourself without relying on anyone else. That's not to say relationships are unnecessary, but they're certainly not to be used as a crutch for happiness.

Originally Posted by Suena

So I've been talking to my mom all morning and she's more than willing to help me out of this situation. Good. Take advantage of this. Likewise, if you know anyone who has a garage apartment or extra room and doesn't mind a child, ask for a temporary place to hide out.She also keeps suggesting that I try talking to him. You have tried, again and again. It hasn't worked. I made the mistake last night of telling him that I wasn't sure if I loved him anymore. I mean, he just walked in the door four hours later and was like... "heyy." I'm in tears and he just pretends not to see them? I don't know. We fought for a little, well, I did most of the talking because he basically had nothing to say for himself. [COLOR="RED] This right there shows he isn't concerned about your feelings any longer. [/color] He doesn't believe he did or ever does anything wrong. He said I'm just full of drama and he kicked me out at one in the morning finally. I stayed out in the car and called my mom and told her what was going on. I didn't leave. He came back out and said, "I don't care about your drama, but you need to leave. Or better yet, come inside and sleep on the fucking couch." Again, he displays his true nature.

Ha, me? Yup, I slept on the couch last night, not him. And my back is really aching for it. While I was talking to him last night, trying to communicate, he was like, "uhhh, do you terribly mind if I turn the music up loud enough to drown you out?"

I broke down then, I said that I hated him, which I don't, but I was angry and hurt that he never listens to how he makes me feel. I shouldn't have went off on him like that, but leaving someone hanging alone for four hours at night will do that to a person. He should understand. Yet he doesn't understand, and never will. He's already past the age where personality changes. I told him I was going to leave. Now I just need to figure out where to go.

Around nine this morning he brought my son out to me in the living room, said my name real loud, put my son down to play and went back to bed. This is not the act of a parent. It shows how little he feels for you or your son. His concerns are for himself and his desire to rest, and it shows what the future will be like also. I also asked him last night, before I told him that I wasn't sure I loved him anymore, if he loved me. He didn't answer. He told me I use love as an insult. I don't understand, I wanted to know if he wanted me around or not. I understand he was angry and probably didn't want to say it, but that hurts. You should be able to see love even through anger, and I can, but he doesn't, so I question my own feelings. I really don't know if I do anymore, I really don't.

Part of me feels like I'm just hanging on because I need him You don't need him. and things are easier when I keep my mouth shut. But I can't do that anymore, I can't. I want to change things with myself, which I do admit, I've got my own issues. But I own up to them and I recognize when I'm doing something wrong, but he doesn't. It's all me. Guess I'll be hanging out at my parents later. This sucks because I've got so much homework and finals coming up.

It sucks the big one, and there isn't anything that will make this better but time away from him. Life continues, and your child(ren) are going to need you on their side for a long time to come. If you can't rely on him then your children can't rely on him either.


Move forward, and work towards a better life. The weight on your shoulders will ease with time.

I shouldn't have bought this L-Tyrosine in powder form.....making a bloody mess - all this white powder everywhere isn't a good look.

Suena, my ex-husband sounds a lot like yours- though my ex wasn't at all violent. I hated relying on my family, but I'm glad I did. I have 4 kids by my ex and he was never there for any of them. In fact, until last summer, he hadn't even seen or talked to any of his children for over a decade. The youngest has no memories of him at all. Getting away from him was one of the best things I've ever done.
It's hard, but it does get easier.

My rant is that I didn't fall asleep until almost 5AM and I woke at 11:30. What the heck?
Also, my left shin is humorously freaking me out. It feels bruised, so I've been rubbing it, then I noticed the rubbing caused a VERY noticeable indentation that stayed long after I stopped. Again, what the heck My leg now looks deformed because the indentation goes all the way to the bone. Am I retaining water? Or is this natural

**EDIT**
Oh, Suena, my kids never hated me for their dad not being around. It was probably easier because I ended up in WV (initially with my grandmother). He made a last ditch effort to be a family and came up from Florida to be with us, but he ended up going back after just a few months.

It was harder getting my kids NOT to hate him. I never bad-mouthed him. My ex loved his kids in a way. So I told the kids he loved them very much and thought about them all the time, he just couldn't be with them. As they got older, I told them he just hadn't gotten his priorities straight and that he was young and just had some growing up to do. I never said it in a mean way though. And I defended him without making excuses for him when the kids got even older and didn't understand anything.
When they complained they didn't have money for x, y or z and groaned that he should send more child support or something, I would always quote him and say: "You can't squeeze blood from a turnip." lol I explained he just didn't have that kind of money and told them he may also have a new family to support.

And he does. Last year I learned he has a young daughter an an infant son.
If you handle everything maturely, your kids should be fine.

Just about time to get out of here and go to the funeral. I haven't worn my full uniform in a while.

At least it's a nice day.

Back later tonight.

This sickness is not getting any better. I finally gave up and went to CVS and got some fexofenadine. I really hope this eases my symptoms....

@ Suena, all I can do is reiterate what everyone else is saying, and say that I'm very sorry you're going through this. I hope you make the right move in the end.

This is my rant supreme...So basically....brace yourself, a rant is coming!

Ok when I went to bed yesterday I pretty much fell asleep right away.The transition was pretty much not there.

Then I was at my house and some bad people chased me through my house.I ran outside and jumped into a conveniently parked Mercedes SLS,right at my doorstep.

I was driving like a mad man.I was easily doing 100kmh through my village.While I was driving I was in the most extreme fear I have ever felt.It was something close to sweating blood...

WHY CAN'T THIS STOP? I suck sooooo epicly much at LD because Im lost with all those different methods that promise this elusive pleasure... Tried them all,none works...

If you want an easy--albeit bit of a dodgy method, and you have the time--then deprive yourself of sleep for 48 hours. For me, WILDs then become ridiculously easy.

Thanks again guys, for your patience, inspiration, and motivation. This thread has been helping a lot and I want to let you all know, I love you.

Starting to feel more confident, yet, still more to rant about. Spoiler probably necessary for those who are done with it (which is totally fine, of course.)

Spoiler for Thoughts:

First, Link: The moody girl thing really bothers me about men. I hate having to tell him that I need to discuss my feelings because it sounds like a bad romantic comedy where the girl whines and the guy rolls his eyes. It's just so true. It wouldn't be a constant need if he would listen just once. I'd probably be in a lot better moods if I felt he actually understood me for once. I think I'm past that though.

And the whole him turning up the music thing might as well have been his way of shutting the door on me completely. He didn't though. Part of me thinks that he was actually listening to me when he first got home. It took a while for him to actually show that he was angry. So I suppose he was listening. I thought for once he was hearing me, but I think he realized I was speaking the truth about his habits and how it made me feel and that's why he denied that he did anything wrong. He's just not ready to admit that he's hurting me in any way. So he shuts me up.

Sefalik: Thank you, I appreciate that piece of truth. You're right, relationships shouldn't be used as a crutch. I've always known this, and I do believe I rushed into this relationship to begin with. Like I said, I've never given myself the chance to be single (seriously ever since I started dating, no longer than a month). So part of this is my fault and I do want the chance to rediscover myself and figure out how to make things right the next time.

The only problem with letting my parents help me is that they are in a boat right now themselves. They got back together only a little over a year ago and after going bankrupt, they're trying to work off the debt they owe to family. They're living with my financially stable sister who is about to have her baby soon. They told me to come stay with them, but my sister is stressed enough, I couldn't do it. I know they could afford to help me find a hotel to stay in for at least a week if I need to get away.

That's the only problem there. Of course, my mom was totally willing to find an apartment for all of us, but what if the hubby and I do work things out within a month or two? (wishful thinking) but if it does happen, I wouldn't want to abandon my mother there, even though she claims to not mind. Just don't want to be a burden to anyone. It would be free daycare though. That's always nice lol. Especially when I get a job.

Melanie, you're a legit and straightforward gal. Thanks. I know it's annoying to keep telling someone to leave someone else who seems like a complete ass, but of course, you guys are only hearing my half and that's why I'm so back and forth. This is my decision though and I will make it. I just keep waiting for more and more to pile up to help push me in that direction.

I have made a decision though that satisfies me for this (very temporary) point in time: I will not let him make me feel bad for anything I said last night. I spoke the truth, as much as I know about myself and I won't be ignored. If he wants to keep ignoring me and doesn't want to discuss this issue in an adult manner, then I will be leaving for as long as I need to. Even if it means forever. I won't stay in a house where I can't voice my opinions or feelings with my "loved" ones.

And when I say he's ignoring me, I mean he's ignoring the elephant in the room. Today he talked to me as if nothing had happened. It's still there and we both feel it, like we didn't say "love you" before he left for work today. What I'm saying is, I won't let it go on like that this time.

If he comes home and pretends nothing happens, I will make my arrangements with my parents and get it figured out, at least to give us both a break. It doesn't have to mean I'm leaving for good, but I could use a vacation from his bullshit. And I will stay gone until he apologizes in some way shape or form. I won't return until I know for sure, which could take forever.

I'm starting to feel so much better after last night and today, talking with you guys and my mom. I'm gaining my independence back, my confidence, and my old self feels like it is returning. That might disappear when he gets home, but it might not, I sure hope not. I'm just now beginning to feel like I can do this. I can make it on my own and I can raise my son without him if I need to. Including my unborn child.

The tears do keep coming back, though. I kind of feel like I'm abandoning someone that needs me. Like I'm dumping a puppy off in the country just to see if it can find its way home. I do want him to love me still, but I don't know if he does.

One thing that really kills me is if he tries to take my kid away. I'm not worried about the kids being taken away so much as if I might have to take his kids away from him. I don't know.

That's it for now I guess, I'm tearing up. Thanks to whoever read this.

Oh and to Zhay and Aly, thanks, really. More people seem to care online than they do in real life. Digital age.

I hope you start feeling better soon Aly. Being sick really really sucks.

Melanie, Full uniform? Do you work for the church or a funeral service? Sorry if this is a dumb question.

Totally unrelated to your rant, Suena, but I like your sig. True words. ^_^

Originally Posted by Suena

Thanks again guys, for your patience, inspiration, and motivation. This thread has been helping a lot and I want to let you all know, I love you.


First, Link: The moody girl thing really bothers me about men. I hate having to tell him that I need to discuss my feelings because it sounds like a bad romantic comedy where the girl whines and the guy rolls his eyes. It's just so true. It wouldn't be a constant need if he would listen just once. I'd probably be in a lot better moods if I felt he actually understood me for once. I think I'm past that though.

Yeah, leave your past behind, you don't have to be shackled to it anymore.

And the whole him turning up the music thing might as well have been his way of shutting the door on me completely. He didn't though. Part of me thinks that he was actually listening to me when he first got home. It took a while for him to actually show that he was angry. So I suppose he was listening. I thought for once he was hearing me, but I think he realized I was speaking the truth about his habits and how it made me feel and that's why he denied that he did anything wrong. The Truth always hurts....when you do leave him, he's bound to think about what he didn't do.

You know what else is true?

He's just not ready to admit that he's hurting me in any way. So he shuts me up. Proof that he's not man enough to open his feelings to you as well.

Oh and to Zhay and Aly, thanks, really. More people seem to care online than they do in real life. Digital age.

I know right? And what's even funnier, people who see others try to help each other online think it's useless, but their words are evidence of having troubled minds.

Seeing other people's posts helped me a lot as well, and it's way better than having to rely on my father or someone else in waking life that would just say "ooooh that succccks."

It's just the fact that people label it "Internet" that they think that consolation is impossible.









Rant:

God, this freaking bicycle, my back hurts, I feel like an old man after finishing putting some tube cement on the small hole for the tube, and damn it, it was the most frustrating thing I've done today!

Time to go to the happy thread.

I've got to admit, I've been guilty of 'rolling my eyes' when my first ex cried...simply because I never understood that there was a genuine purpose behind those tears. I used to assume she liked 'making a scene', and I saw it as pathetic. Then I realised it was due to my lack of understanding of her emotion, but mostly that it was caused by my 'poker face' lol, that is, me not directly showing my feelings to the girl. Regardless if I felt great with her, I'd never show it on the outside......Not deliberately, of course. I could do things with her that we both enjoyed, but then she'd get upset. Initially, I'd be like wtf is happening? Is this not good? Is she utterly insane? Again, me not expressing my feelings or communicating them to her caused this. I was keeping those good feelings to myself, I needed to share. And I didn't realise the importance of sharing/communicating the 'goodness' I felt.

In a relationship, people want to know that they are liked/loved, and that they're having a loving/nice effect on you.....validated and acknowledged....that their efforts are not in vain. Further relationships have been better with little crying....just simply because I shared and showed my affection. Expression goes a long way.

Yeah, I was pretty much a dickhead back then, but I've changed...... I'm even more of a dickhead now.




























LoL jokes. That was roughly 8 years ago. Now I can actually pull off a smile here or there and all sorts. Real progression that is.

Naa, but seriously, you all understand what I mean. Gotta show and share that affection (usually a male problem) - not good enough just feeling it. ^_^