Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

sore boobaaaaaays

You need a massage?

Ok, so I got a call back from the job. Obviously, as I knew, I didn't get it.
But she said that the guy said I should call back at the end of April for another job they have during the winter. I asked does she know what time, or just the end of April? She said probably just during the third week. So vague! I hate that.

I also don't know what the job is. But the place does seem pretty good, so I'm sure the job would be. I don't know why I have to go back for another interview though either, sort of weird if he's already met me etc. in the first interview.

Oh well.... hopefully I can find a job before that anyway.

This is a preparation rant.... because....

THE FUCKING PRIME MINISTER JUST FUCKING ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'RE GOING TO BRING IN HECS FOR TAFE NOW!!!!
COULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT....HMMM I DUNNO? LAST YEAR WHEN I WAS FUCKING APPLYING!????

(HECS is like a debt you have, the government pays your tuition fees for university and you pay them back once/if you start earning over $40,000 a year or something.
Tafe is like university but.... a bit different, usually more basic studies)

FUCK YOU YOU GOD DAMNED ASSHOLES!

At least though maybe I can save up some money from a job this year, and maybe still travel before I start tafe next year, since I won't have to pay the tuition straight away.

BUT STILL FUCK YOU!

ffs the right half of my left shift key won't work111 argh this is frustrating. you have no idea until it stops working... my finger doesn't stretch all the way to the other half111 9just so you know this was all supposed to be in caps -.-0

why is it the littlest fucking things that have no effect on my life that are the worst ? i can't use this other shift key without thinking really ahrd... gahhhhhhh fuck fuckity fuck.

Tommo. Hope you can take advantage of Hecs. But yeah, sucks that they bring it to be NOW. (a day late and a dollar short )

Preserver. My mouse has been sticking. It's been a royal pain in my butt. I can't imagine how much worse it would be to have the keyboard acting up!!

Ophelia. Why do your boobies (?) hurt? Go take a nice warm bath

I'm ranting because I have a headache and I can't sleep. I ended up napping for 1 1/2 hours before my daughters dinner. But I'm sleepy... it's just this annoying headache keeping me up I think. I've been grinding my jaw a bunch. Don't know why, but I don't notice I'm doing it until a pain shoots up the left side of my jaw to my ear.

The dinner was very nice. At least one person from each cottage said something to my daughter. Bobbi spoke for Girls Cottage 2 which was sweet. But one thing she said made me really question my mind. She said she had lived with us for the last 4 years.
Huh? I remember her living with us over the summer. Previous to that, she stayed the night OFTEN. Like 2-3 nights in a row then she'd go home for a bit, come back and do it again.
I started yelling at myself for not realizing 4 years had passed. How did I not realize? My God, I failed not only my kids but her as well.... or so my mind yelled at me (the softer side of me reminded me that she had parents who could have kept her home).

I asked my daughter if that was really so, and she said yeah. All the way home I felt horrible. Then I asked my oldest son. He said she lived with us for about 6 months. I asked my hubby. He said 2 years Then I asked my other son and he said 4 months. *whew*
Not only is mine not the ONLY horrible memory, the girls memories are even worse
None of us seem to have any real concept of time.

Anyhow... Bobbi came over for a hug and I asked about her mom. Her mom was 46 and died from a blood clot. But Bobbi SEEMS to be doing much better than I could have imagined.

Because of my upcoming period

Ahhh lol. I'm fortunate I don't really have that problem. Backaches, yes. When I'm not on Celexa it also feels like someone kneed me a few thousand times and I can't even move the first couple of days. But that's usually it.
I had already forgotten your earlier post and wondered if perhaps a little Ophelia was on the way
(See the above rant about just how bad my memory is )

Oh yeah... an anti-rant is that I wore my baggy jeans today. The waist is a size 34 and they're usually a little snug. Today, I can pull them on and off without unbuttoning. So, even if I'm not losing weight right now, I do seem to be losing inches

I wasn't feeling anything when I saw my results earlier. They are released today. But now... Now I feel like crying... It's good that I pass but to recall the sleepless nights, getting sicked, getting mad, getting stressed and only getting a just pass, not to mention the fees ain't cheap like in the past, it's such a freaking expensive pass. Fuck the course, fuck my life, we work harder than average business students and they can get a C/B easily but we always get a C/D. So what happened if I didn't spend the night doing work, failing fucking fail. I was expecting a fail anyway but a D+ didn't make me feel better.

But at least I passed, so I can answer to my mum. I don't wanna see her face if I tell her I have to repeat.

-Feelings not describable by words at the moment-

The game temple run does not have an ending, this is irritating.

I dont understand this!
this is happening to me with four of my friends.
We've been talking pretty much daily, most of the convos were nice, but sometimes we'd get a dud, nothing unusual though. suddenly they've stopped talking to me, almost at the same time. All four are completely unrelated, they dont even know each other. So this isn't some sort of consipracy.
I'm desperate to know why. I don't get it!
I'm feeling like a fucking used teddy bear and it's starting to make me depressed, which makes things worse cause my doc just said I can stop taking my happy pills for seasonal depression. So out of one valley and into the next.
This is just confusing me so much, I feel as if there's something wrong with me. Why else would four people start giving me the cold shoulder? They don't exactly ignore me, but I try to start up conversations and they act all aloof and uncaring.
I've tried not talking to them for a while, just to see if they wanted a break from me, not one person seems to have minded.
I'm so confused and sad and I feel like a freaking forever alone.
Honestly, I feel like crying right now.
And with 2/4 of my friends, they used me somehow. I would be doing something for them during that time we were talking, and now they don't want it anymore, so I feel like a tissue, just used then disregarded.
Thank for reading my whiny little rant. (wall of text) :T

Originally Posted by Peachie

Used Teddy Bear

I had my fair share of being used like a Teddy Bear in High School.

I remember in my AP Government class, people thought I was insanely smart with making these good grades on quizzes, and I even made like 105+ on one of the exams (which helped me A LOT in my overall average).

The only thing I did do was actually read the text that was required late at night, and just remembered it without really writing or typing anything down.

When they started to see that I made good grades, and because they're smart people as well, this means they don't have to study as much if they know I can give them some what was on the textbook.

They would always come in class not knowing what the hell is going to be on the quiz, and I told them a few pointers, and of course, they're happy that I helped them.

And you know what happens because that? I ended up doing horrible on the quiz, while they make A+'s on them! And beyond the class, they would just go back to their normal selves.

I was so pissed because I knew that if I didn't help them, they would think I'm a douche and move on to someone else, but I doubt anyone else would be more helpful than I did.

This kindness of mine continued almost every time we had a quiz, until I realized, "Fuck everything, Fuck these people, and fuck the world."

During lunch, they were completely different people, it's like I never even existed. And when I did talk to them outside of class, and most of the AP classes had more women, so I would try to have a small conversation while heading to my next class,

and....and...when I go up to them, they're freaking stuttering, like, you were obviously more sociable to me when you needed help in knowing what to know for the quiz, or even the EXAMS! But when I decide to have a small conversation with you, just for the hell of it, you can't even form words.

So I decided that if they're going to use me, and not at least show some interest in the conversations I tried to have with them, there's really no fucking point in helping you get better grades if you're going to abuse and use me as a resource rather than an actual human being.

The reason I was nice was that I felt that I had to sustain this invisible assumption that I was insanely smart in that class, when I was just extremely lucky at the time.

I even told my AP Government teacher about this, and he laughed because he knew they were using me. And I told him one girl who was using me as well, until I realized she was using me because she liked me and wanted to go get closer with me.

Just wait until college Peachie, when you find a dorm room, hopefully you'll find a good friend there, and have a better friendship than these people who are ignoring you.

They just think they're big shots now for ignoring, but when the friends they're hanging out with are gone, and they're exposed for looking like idiots, they're going to go back to you, and you clearly don't deserve that if they're just going to use you until they find someone else.

I felt used a lot in High School, and the AP Government class was just one example, I find myself to be the GPA slut towards the other smart people, because I gave them advice that made them do extremely well, when I should've let those fuckers fail so that I could hopefully steal their academic rankings.



Peachie, I feel your pain.

They're just being big shots to your because they feel they have better friends, and when those people are out of their lives, they'll realize that they're assholes in not trying to respect you for trying to make a decent conversation.

Some people are assholes. I think college is something to look forward to, since you'll actually find intelligent people who actually want to do something with their lives. It my be rough during your Freshmen year, because it is for me, but you'll find good friends.

And when you do find those few and trusting people that care about your well-being, those assholes who treated you wrong will be nothing to you anymore.

It may not be apparent now, but you'll understand later on.

And I thought mine was a wall of text.... O____O

But thanks ^____^

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

Only problem is, my youngest sister (14) has already (reluctantly) met her, so I feel like I should meet her as well just to support my little sister a bit.

Yeah... and then you look like the shitbucket for being the one refusing to meet her, when your sister already did.

Not fair AT ALL for your dad to put you in that position. Sorry about that friend.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Yeah... and then you look like the shitbucket for being the one refusing to meet her, when your sister already did.

Not fair AT ALL for your dad to put you in that position. Sorry about that friend.

Yeah I know, but my dad has been pretty thoughtless in all this so I didn't expect any miracles

Thanks though

I had a dream where I met a dog that looked like Sinoblak's dog, but my friend in real life, her dog is missing as well, and I felt really bad for her losing the poor animal.

I'm wondering if I met the dog somehow in the dreaming plane (yes I'm freaking crazy). Because the description she gave her dog when she announced it to other people, it fit the description of the dog that was afraid of me when I yelled it.

Now I'm not sure of myself anymore, I probably did meet Sinoblak's dog and my friend's dog. I don't know what's going on with my mind, it seems that it is connecting with people without my permission. I feel like I'm developing the ability to coincidentally meet up with familiar people a lot, and I'm never actually finding the people I do want to meet in my dreams.

I'm getting close, but I find my mind finds other people in the process when I have non-lucid dreams, and it's getting annoying because I don't want to be bothered with other people's lives other than the two I picked as shared dreaming partners. There must be a reason for me meeting these people by chance, and when I screamed at the dog in my dream, I felt horrible, it only wanted to be friendly with me, I could literally feel its innocent energy, but I still yelled at the dogs.

I should've known that if I yelled at them, they would've became more aggressive, and every time I recall my dreams, I end up raging at some entity or animal that isn't out to kill me or hurt me. I feel like I'm ruining my chance meeting helpers to get to the location I want to be at.

I feel like I'm turning into complete shit now, I'm seeing it a lot in my dreams, I see so much of my aggressive nature, it's like I'm in blind fury most of the time I recall all my dreams :/ I'll get over it....but it just sucks that I can't calm down and stop being so fearful of things coming at me like dogs, etc.

I guess I'll find out why I am like that someday.

I'm late on this Puffin, but kudos for sticking up for yourself! I don't think you said anything in that facebook post that you quoted that was unnecessarily harsh. I mean, you were blunt, but sometimes the truth hurts, right? The important thing is that you kept mostly calm and mature about it, which is more than she ever did for you, so... yeah. Just throwing that out there. xD

And Link... I'm far from a dream interpreter, but it seems like... don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you have a need to be in control. I know it's easier said than done, but perhaps you should accept and embrace what's happening to you, instead of insisting that you only care about those two dreaming partners of yours. I feel like your mind is trying to tell you to be more open, and not discriminate like that. As you said, they only want to be friendly with you, so why not let them? I feel like you may be overly concerned with losing time or "ruining your chances". Try being more spontaneous, and going with what happens. Sometimes you have to follow instead of lead.

...I don't know where any of that really came from, but I hope it helps. Maybe I'm just a little annoyed because I've had basically no recall lately. At least you have something to work with, and if I had good dream recall, I would probably be interpreting my own dreams instead of imposing on others and interpreting theirs. Still, hopefully I helped somehow.

I am very sleepy today. I took allergy pills to help me sleep last night.. but using them is sort of a double-edged sword. On one hand, I fall asleep quickly and tend to stay asleep for the most part... on the other hand, I have some really freaky dreams and toss and turn a lot reducing the quality of my sleep. I slept from around 1-9AM and again from 11-2PM. I could easily go back to sleep.

Court went very well today. It lasted all of about 10 minutes. Before that, I had a telephone conference regarding my other daughter. She's doing very well in school and seems to be adjusting but they worry that she's not fully committed. And this morning, I spoke to the DHHR worker and she said that Zee (the youngest) was actually the one to bring up whether or not she was coming home etc. Zee has a way of manipulating situations and people. I doubt if they'll ever send her home. I just sort of hope they drag their feet so long that she becomes even more desperate to leave her placement so that Foster Care will seem more like HER idea than anything else. I just don't want her feeling persecuted or abandoned.

After Court I went to Walmart and ran into an Elder from my old Congregation. We spoke for awhile and I got some dates from him. The Memorial is on April 5 (I think- I'll have to check my notes) and -of course- I'm going to be away with my hubby at that time.
It was very encouraging to speak with him though. I miss everyone a lot and need to get my butt back there. But I'm making myself quit smoking first (which seems at times like it's never going to happen )
I'm also disillusioned with myself though, because I want to go back for the people and not for God. It shouldn't be that way. I keep telling myself though that if I started to go for the people, my relationship with God would improve and then I would STAY for Him. People tend to adopt the attitude of those they're around. And being anywhere other than my room would be a good start.
I'm not compelled to pray or study the Bible anymore because I'm lazy. I'd rather vegetate. But if I started going to my meetings, my mind would get itself back on track if only for 4 hours a week...

Originally Posted by Singularity125

I'm late on this Puffin, but kudos for sticking up for yourself! I don't think you said anything in that facebook post that you quoted that was unnecessarily harsh. I mean, you were blunt, but sometimes the truth hurts, right? The important thing is that you kept mostly calm and mature about it, which is more than she ever did for you, so... yeah. Just throwing that out there. xD

And Link... I'm far from a dream interpreter, but it seems like... don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you have a need to be in control. I know it's easier said than done, but perhaps you should accept and embrace what's happening to you, instead of insisting that you only care about those two dreaming partners of yours. I feel like your mind is trying to tell you to be more open, and not discriminate like that. As you said, they only want to be friendly with you, so why not let them? I feel like you may be overly concerned with losing time or "ruining your chances". Try being more spontaneous, and going with what happens. Sometimes you have to follow instead of lead.

...I don't know where any of that really came from, but I hope it helps. Maybe I'm just a little annoyed because I've had basically no recall lately. At least you have something to work with, and if I had good dream recall, I would probably be interpreting my own dreams instead of imposing on others and interpreting theirs. Still, hopefully I helped somehow.

Thanks Singularity125.

My drafting class is such a joke. In the beginning all we did was draw squares on a sheet of paper and handed it in. At least now we're doing 3D drawings, but it's still boring. Feels like the kind of thing teachers leave behind when they need to get a substitute.

And the students are ridiculous. I've never seen so much disrespect in one room. My teacher is such a pushover, it's crazy. He tries to tell everyone to put away their phones and stuff, and in the middle of a "lesson" (I'll get to that later) everyone's playing music out loud and blasting siren noises. Everyone's throwing erasers and shouting profanities and drawing inappropriate things on the board. What are they, five? At least stop being disruptive for the people who WANT to pass the class.

And about "lessons." The teacher is terrible at explaining things. Most pf the time I have no idea what's going on, so I just wing it and hope for the best. I can usually figure out what to do by myself, but he'll take off points for such stupid things. We need to make sure our Ws are written so that the middle lines reach the top of the paper. I got 5 points off for that once!

Not to mention the lack of proper materials (though I can probably blame the students for throwing everything around and using up the supplies). *sigh* There are no more erasers left, so I better not make any mistakes.

Originally Posted by Taffy

My drafting class is such a joke. In the beginning all we did was draw squares on a sheet of paper and handed it in. At least now we're doing 3D drawings, but it's still boring. Feels like the kind of thing teachers leave behind when they need to get a substitute.

And the students are ridiculous. I've never seen so much disrespect in one room. My teacher is such a pushover, it's crazy. He tries to tell everyone to put away their phones and stuff, and in the middle of a "lesson" (I'll get to that later) everyone's playing music out loud and blasting siren noises. Everyone's throwing erasers and shouting profanities and drawing inappropriate things on the board. What are they, five? At least stop being disruptive for the people who WANT to pass the class.

And about "lessons." The teacher is terrible at explaining things. Most pf the time I have no idea what's going on, so I just wing it and hope for the best. I can usually figure out what to do by myself, but he'll take off points for such stupid things. We need to make sure our Ws are written so that the middle lines reach the top of the paper. I got 5 points off for that once!

Not to mention the lack of proper materials (though I can probably blame the students for throwing everything around and using up the supplies). *sigh* There are no more erasers left, so I better not make any mistakes.

That type of behavior has been frustrating me a lot lately too.

Well, except when I'm doing it too.

Originally Posted by dave1701

That type of behavior has been frustrating me a lot lately too.

Well, except when I'm doing it too.

Heh. A little fooling around is okay. I usually hate to be stiff, but it's gotten to the point where I can barely do any work. Sometimes I can just sit back and listen to my iPod for the whole period, though, and that's cool too. :3

Head pounding, mouth tastes nasty, chest pangs, soreness, fear.... Fucking anxiety. I've been thinking about drugs more and more too which isn't helping at all, I really need to take control of my thoughts.... Blech.

^that's a get better heart, not a like

Thanks, Wayfaerer. I ended up taking one of my dad's libriums, it works a little differently than normal benzos so it doesn't give me withdrawals in the same way the day after, but I still would rather not take it. :T But at least I'm starting to calm down a bit.

I'm ranting about people being obnoxious and pissing me off.

I take multiple shuttle busses a day to get to different schools that and I am so tired of hearing people "talk" To each other. They say the stupidest shit. Like remarking at the obvious, and openly revealing their lack of knowledge about many things. I have a bad habit of assuming that I am smarter than everyone else, so that may be my problem.

About 75% of the time they're talking about drugs, how to get them, "dude how f'ed up was that kid last night", etc. This is very annoying. And it's not an addiction when ALL you talk about is drugs?

Last but not least the profanity pisses me off. Why on the fucking earth do people feel the fucking need to fucking scream to each other like this? It's bad enough that I have to hear your loud conversation anyway, could you at least stop cursing constantly?

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Thanks, Wayfaerer. I ended up taking one of my dad's libriums, it works a little differently than normal benzos so it doesn't give me withdrawals in the same way the day after, but I still would rather not take it. :T But at least I'm starting to calm down a bit.

Maybe you could try meditating to disassociate yourself from the craving. I remember there being some really cool writings about that by Echart Tolle if you're interested.