Thread: Where do you draw the line between chivalry and the "nice guy syndrome"

I've never personally liked 'chivalary' at all, nor do I say I do. Being nice is fine, it's good to act nice toward everyone no matter what their gender.

Well I suppose if you have want Chivalry then the idea is to treat the woman like an object instead of a person, but a very precious object. This means her opinion does not matter and all control and independence on her part is an illusion. I think that's distinct from being a Nice Guy.

Humans tend to do the opposite of what they say. Woman says "All I want is a guy who makes me laugh, treats me well, etc." Then she finds a tool who treats her terribly. Man says he wants a meaningful relationship, finds slut, makes relationship only about sex.

We're a curious race.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I've never personally liked 'chivalary' at all, nor do I say I do. Being nice is fine, it's good to act nice toward everyone no matter what their gender.

I agree. Being generous is great, but I wouldn't like to be patronized, or pitted in a "courtesy" game with strings attached.

Originally Posted by ThePreserver

Humans tend to do the opposite of what they say. Woman says "All I want is a guy who makes me laugh, treats me well, etc." Then she finds a tool who treats her terribly. Man says he wants a meaningful relationship, finds slut, makes relationship only about sex.

We're a curious race.

A lot of it comes down to fear. People too busy running don't stop and think "what is it I really want?" cause they're too frightened of not achieving what they think they're supposed to have. JMO

If you're a confident, good looking guy you're being chivalrous, but if you're an awkward, dorky kind of guy you're suffering from nice guy syndrome. It's that simple.

Depends. Usually if I'm looking for a girl to have some one-off relationship, then yeah, I'm probably quite chivalrous. However, when it comes to long term relationships, I usually act a lot nicer. I like the fact that both partners are equal in the relationship and I love having someone to constantly challenge myself intellectually.

Chivalry often is a smokescreen for misogyny, and the women who respond to it are often those who have accepted the idea that being female makes them helpless. If that's the kind of girl you're after, by all means alternate chivalry with alpha behavior. If you want a true partner, or hell, if you want to be the helpless one (I would not object to being a kept man I can cook, ladies, and I'm good with kids), then you may not want to overdo it opening doors and sparing your intended the least exertion. A big part of getting together is finding someone who is doing the same mating dance as you, rather than chasing after someone on a totally different wavelength.

Originally Posted by Taosaur

Chivalry often is a smokescreen for misogyny, and the women who respond to it are often those who have accepted the idea that being female makes them helpless. If that's the kind of girl you're after, by all means alternate chivalry with alpha behavior. If you want a true partner, or hell, if you want to be the helpless one (I would not object to being a kept man I can cook, ladies, and I'm good with kids), then you may not want to overdo it opening doors and sparing your intended the least exertion. A big part of getting together is finding someone who is doing the same mating dance as you, rather than chasing after someone on a totally different wavelength.

I have to admit though, that stupid sandwich/kitchen joke everyone uses has gone a bit too far. I actually really like cooking, but apparently cooking is becoming a feminine thing.

It's strange, not long ago (I think the 50s?) women were not allowed to perform on stage nor to cook in restaurants. Now cooking and theater are both considered more feminine occupations unless you're an action star or an italian chef.

Originally Posted by Quantiq

I have to admit though, that stupid sandwich/kitchen joke everyone uses has gone a bit too far. I actually really like cooking, but apparently cooking is becoming a feminine thing.

Cooking was always regarded as a feminine thing - it's nothing new! It has nothing to do with having female genitalia. Some people can get really tech with their cooking; but all it really boils (huehuehue) down to is:

1. Can you read? If yes, then follow directions.
If no, then leave kitchen and obtain KFC.

I cook just to go that extra mile for a loved one, not to patronize. Don't our loved ones always deserve our very best?

PS - I spit on the so-called "bad boys." They might seem more attractive on the outside but they tend to not go anywhere in life, while I will always be more successful, have more luxuries to enjoy, and of course put my lady's well-being before my own!

Originally Posted by Quantiq

I have to admit though, that stupid sandwich/kitchen joke everyone uses has gone a bit too far. I actually really like cooking, but apparently cooking is becoming a feminine thing.

It's always been a feminine thing (except for cooking outdoors on the grill). For the 50s nuclear family ideal, the husband goes and makes money while the wife cooks, cleans and raises the kids. After a hard day of work, the husband comes home and expects a nice warm meal to be ready for him. I hate the kitchen jokes too, they're not even clever, funny or original. I do like cooking though (mostly Asian/Indian food).

Cooking is an artform that requires love, attention, experience and literacy

The idea behind "go in the kitchen and bake me a pie" is not so much that cooking is feminine, but that women are subservient to men. While there is a tradition of the kitchen in the home being the woman's domain (dating from a time when fewer married women worked outside the home), the opposite is true in professional kitchens. When you hear "chef," do you think first of a woman or a man? Professional kitchens are dominated by men.

For the general population, though, it doesn't seem like there's any gender-based expectation attached to cooking anymore. Lots of guys like to cook (I just made a big ol' pot of veggie gumbo for a potluck tonight), and cooking together or trading off cooking duties are both pretty common for couples.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

Cooking is an artform that requires love, attention, experience and literacy

If your aspiration is to be a professional chef as your career, then yes, you might need some or all of those multisyllabic words you have written.

If you're making a special dinner for your hubby, no. I think you're allotting too much integrity to it. I'm not trying to lessen the value of taking care of one's family, but the point I'm making is that men are more than capable of getting off their asses and doing it. Women don't have to do everything.

Meh I like cooking for the experimentation. But if I had to take care of a family we'd be eating a lot of spaghetti.

I love spaghetti. If I was cooking my own meals I'd probably eat spaghetti every second night. I'm motivated to learn how to cook something if I like it enough.

It seems like many women are viewed as kitchen slaves (at least in generations before mine). They treat cooking like a job when they've been doing it every day, and the result is often generic and boring. But men are viewed to be more likely to cook new and exciting foods with strong tastes. That's why chefs are usually men. I have no idea if the real world tends to be like this. It's just the bias (if it is one) that I've noticed.

In a way, if it's true, it makes sense. Women generally cook more often than men, so they get bored of it and just want to get it done. They have to think about making healthy foods, since they're cooking for their families every day. But men cook more rarely, so they view it as a new exciting task and try to make the best-tasting meal they can think of.

That seems to be the case in my family at least. My mom was always the one who cooked, and her meals were pretty boring. On the rare occasions that my dad cooked, the food turned out a lot better, because he'd usually make better-tasting (often less healthy) foods like Casa Dias and BBQ. This is kind of unfortunate because it creates the illusion (unless it's not an illusion) that men are just naturally better at everything, even cooking which is typically a woman's job, even though they don't do it often. When my brother was about 13 I heard him say something similar in response to my dad's cooking, and I don't think he was joking.

I seem to have defulted to chili about every 2 or 3 weeks. It's simple and good - unless I put too much Chili-P (heh - little Breaking Bad inside joke there) or red pepper in it like I did last night!! Argh!! I can feel it burning all through my digestive system. Not pleasant. Wow, no wonder they put this stuff in aerosol cans for personal defense!! Heh - I just had a bowl and used twice the normal amount of macaroni and crackers and half the normal amount of chili, still feelin it! So yeah - men being adventurous and all. Not always good though.

Spaghetti and barbecued ribs are my next most usual dishes. Oh, and then the awesome crock-pot beef stew! Yeah, great stuff!!

I gotta admit though - for a couple weeks it's been mostly Taco Bell and Subway! They're getting to know me at both of them (for reals yo!)

Thread de-railed.

Originally Posted by Heavy Sleeper

How did you even post a blank post? lol

Originally Posted by Heavy Sleeper

FTFY

derp

Originally Posted by Sornaensis

FTFY

Thank you, dear.

I wouldn't bother with either. I'll lay it down for you.
Step 1: Be a massive douchebag to everyone and clearly flaunt your "alpha" qualities.
Step 2: Be a dick, and attempt to demean others who could threaten your status as alpha male.
Step 3: Be a dick, and attempt to demean others who don't threaten your status as alpha male.
Step 4: Profit! You now have all the women clambering for a go at you.
In case you aren't able to follow those steps perhaps I can break it down in a standard scenario for you. Let's say that you've spotted someone who falls under step 3. The best way to demean someone is to publicly humiliate them as best as you can. For example you could throw an object or liquid at them, while combining it with an insult to lower said person's self esteem such as "faggot". The nearest woman should do something along the lines of hitting you on the shoulder playfully while saying "Awww your such a jerk". Then they will likely go and provide fake pity for your target. The woman in question will now be crushing on you quite hard. Congratulations!

though this post was sarcastic, i`m actually being serious. it will work.