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    10 Visitor Messages

    1. Happy Birthday!
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      Happy birthday
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      my avatar is cute and little and tiny!
      and scary!

      wait which one? i've forgot what i used to have
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      Thank you very much! It's a nice promotion!
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      haha thanks for the kind Visitor Message :-)
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      Hey! You! I see you!
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      i dont know dude , i just forget abt those things when i get rid of them.


      karli
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      happy birthday .
    10. View Conversation
      You wouldn't just like a post which is against me , except if ur too pussy to reply with a comment on my thread.


      KarLi*
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    About lifeinsteps

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    Date of Birth
    July 18, 1994 (26)
    About lifeinsteps
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    View lifeinsteps's Dream Journal

    Recent Entries

    Travelers

    by lifeinsteps on 08-09-2020 at 01:56 PM
    I dreamed that I lived in a world where people could move around to other places or dimensions through small ports in various places, but the big one was that everyone could move through any electrical line. Primarily for some reason it seemed to be televisions that people used. It wasn't something that was a special talent or that only certain people could do, however it was something you could have a talent for, even if everybody could theoretically do it.

    I was apparently quite bad at doing this but happened to meet a young girl who was immensely talented at it while having my own misadventures doing this 'traveling' (people seemed to simple call it 'traveling', and those who move along the electrical lines, 'Travelers'). One day as I was traveling into a house I met a small girl who was watching the television that I suddenly found myself sitting in-front of. She said something like, "you must be new at this," and showed me just how quickly she could travel from and through various objects, almost in a blink, whereas it took me a lot of slow, deliberate thought, and touching the TV (or other device) trying to feel myself meld into it.

    At some point she asked me if I wanted to see something interesting, so I said sure, and she directed me towards a cuckoo clock with a small flap on it. She raised the flap and said, "go inside." I raised my hands and shook my head in slight confusion, because the clock seemed to be powered by something internal, so there was nowhere to go. She shook her head and said, "this clock goes somewhere different," and while I was looking at her she almost instantly vanished as a swirl of blinking lights getting sucked into the clock.

    I raised the flap and looked inside the clock and slowly and surely felt myself being drawn into it, more and more, and then eventually found myself sitting beside the little girl in a pew. We were in a small church building, and everyone was looking around. The man beside me turned and looked at me, and I weakly smiled back at him, and he looked away. Everyone looked distressed, and then suddenly the preacher began preaching again and they all faced forwards once more. I looked at the girl and she whispered, "You could have traveled a little lighter, they all felt you come like an earthquake." I didn't do anything intentionally so I just looked back at her and shrugged.

    I turned forwards and listened to the preacher and found out that this was a place that was distinctly anti-traveler. They found it horrendous, a dark magic, against God, and something to be destroyed-- like witchcraft and witches, they wanted no part of it. I suddenly felt a little concerned for both of us, but the girl seemed to be able to take care of herself so I was worried for me mostly (haha).

    The preacher continued on, saying that the travelings had increased in number lately and not to worry because a great discovery had been made. A doorway in town which led out into the world where travelers come from had been found. And it was high-time they all took it themselves, went out, and got rid of these travelers.

    The girl immediately turned to me and tugged on my sleeve and said, "Dad, I need to go to the bathroom!" and I turned and looked at her and at the couple of people sitting nearby that turned and looked at us. I took her hand and escorted her out of the church, and she whispered to me, "we have to get out of here now," and so we did, and traveled back out of the clock and into her house. I had saved my questions and asked her where that place was, and why we had gone. She started to become a bit hysterical and angry rather than answering the question, yelling at me and blaming me for ruining something. I asked her what I had ruined, and she said, "I've been trying to find a way to kill all those people, but now they're coming here!"

    I was a bit startled by this and said, "Why do you want to kill them?" and she explained that it was because they had killed her mother when she had traveled there out of curiosity/on a whim. She didn't know either where the place was, but she knew they were different there and they killed her mother. She was lying down beside me as she said this, and she started crying. I reached out and put my hand on her leg (trying to be comforting), but what I really wanted to say was that I understood, but that she shouldn't want to kill a whole group of people, but it didn't feel right to say, and not genuine either. I kept sitting there listening to her cry, thinking about what she had said, and suddenly I started crying too, because I was struggling to find anything genuine to say, but I felt genuine sympathy for her. I hadn't realized why she had lived all alone and I wondered how long she had been.

    While we were sitting there, we suddenly started feeling earthquake like shaking, and she almost immediately stopped crying and said again, "we have to go somewhere else, they're coming." I nodded, and she almost instantly turned to the nearest TV and touched it and I said, "Wait, I was having trouble traveling earlier, what if I can't?" She shook her head and said, "That's all in your head," and almost instantly she blinked away. The thumping was getting louder, and I touched the TV for a second, struggled because I couldn't focus, and then immediately ran in the other room I had initially appeared in and locked the door. I turned the TV on and sat down with my back against it and closed my eyes and tried to envision myself moving into and through it. Anywhere but here, I thought.

    The banging go louder and soon there was someone at the door knocking, then pounding, then hitting the door as if to break it down. They were calling out like they were concerned for whoever was inside but I knew when they saw me and what I was trying to do, they'd likely take a weapon and kill me.

    The last thing I heard was the door breaking down, and then the next thing I saw was a distant future. I saw myself, bearded, aging into my 50s, sitting in a room with a television, which was playing nothing but static. Suddenly, a door slammed open and a young kid came running in, asking me all sorts of questions about 'traveling'. I blinked, and his parents were quickly behind him telling him not to bother me, and that I didn't know anything about that. He didn't buy this, and said something along the lines of, "I know that's how he got here!"

    His dad explained instead that I had simply walked down the road and been in need and they had let me stay at their house temporarily. I smiled and nodded also. The kid looked skeptical, but I had picked up on a note about this future-- nobody knew how to travel anymore. All the travelers were dead and I was one of the few carrying on a sacrilegious art. I guess in the end the people from the other place had won and convinced everyone not to do it anymore, but I still did, especially when I needed to get away. I had been staying at this place for a few days.

    Anyway, it was time I left, and as I was getting up the kid was right behind me, calling after me that he wanted to learn, and asking what he could do to be a traveler. I ignored his questions politely for the sake of his parents, and they grabbed him by the shoulders and held him still as I walked into the next room and began putting on some boots. His grandfather appeared and started walking towards me, and as the kid called out, "I want to travel!" again, his grandfather said, "where are you going, South Africa?" and I chuckled. I started to say something but suddenly his grandfather put his hand over my mouth and I blinked and looked at him and he was looking at me very seriously. I nodded and continued putting on my boots.

    The last thing in the dream was that as I was standing up ready to go, the kid came to the door and tried one more time. He asked why he couldn't be a traveler, and I looked at him wracking my brain for something to say. I had almost decided on saying, "listen to your parents," but before anything came out of my mouth I woke up, a little dazed.

    -----

    That was really one of those dreams you wake up from feeling like you've been somewhere else living a different life for years. I had to reorient afterwards.
    Categories
    Uncategorized

    Literature Class

    by lifeinsteps on 07-22-2020 at 01:16 PM
    Awake/explanation
    Normal dream
    Lucid dream

    I have a slight dream fragment from the earlier in the night where I was moving around in some kind of winter tundra station filled with cameras and automated patrols. I don't know what I was doing there but I kept destroying/hacking cameras and trying to get deeper and deeper in. I think this was influenced by a recent playthrough of BioShock.

    A more complete fragment from right when I woke up: An older (say, 60) white man enters into the office of a younger (say, 30) black man and they begin discussing some kind of manuscript for a book that the younger man has written. He offers it to the older guy, who sits down in a chair and begins to read, and quickly he tosses it onto the desk and seems disappointed. He says something like, "why are you wasting your talent writing something like this?" and I realize (as an outside observer) that the relationship between the two is that the older man was a mentor to the younger at some point, and he feels the younger man is selling out with this writing.

    They begin having a back and forth discussion, with the older man suggesting things like that the writing is using a basic structure and that it's totally derivative, and the younger man pushes back pointing out great works that use basic structures, but he also seems like he is self-conscious about it too. At some point in the discussion there's a tipping point and he simply asks the older man to leave his office. The older man stands up sadly/angrily, and walks out.

    I see him some days later wandering into a literature class at a community college. Now I'm with him, and as we enter the room there are 4 students sitting at a semi-circle table, with their professor in the middle, and they're all holding books and seem to be having quite a good time. There are three girls, one boy, and the professor is a woman. As we walk in, the older man apologizes for joining the class midway through the semester and the professor waves it off, saying that the focus in her class is more on finding your own way to connect with literature, and that you don't need to see some curriculum to pull that off.

    At this point, the boy (wearing a backwards cap and a black t-shirt, he has some stubble as well) speaks up and points out that I looked like I had my reservations (I guess I did, any class I've ever taken that wasn't a strict teacher/student relationship has usually been a nightmare) and in response he simply held up a piece of paper with a watercolor spiral on it, blackish-green. I blinked, and he said, "when I first tried this I was embarrassed, but I found out that something that helps me focus on a book and think more deeply about it is to draw or paint something simple like this with one hand while I'm reading it. I don't think it's really art, it's more like a fidget toy, but sometimes I choose colors that remind me of the story."

    The older man seems impressed by this and we exchange looks, then the blonde girl wearing a white top on the very right side of the table nervously smiles and says, "Hi, I'm... Serenity-- you can call me Serenity if you want-- my middle name is Hannah?" Everyone at the table laughs. "Nobody calls me Serenity," she finishes. The girl to her right (one space to our left, with shoulder length brunette hair, and a burgundy top) begins to speak too, but in the middle of her speaking
    I woke up, and couldn't tell you anymore for the life of me what she had started to say. She started with her name too but it's now lost to the aether.

    I thought the idea of drawing repetitive art while reading was pretty good too when I was asleep, but now that I'm awake I'm not so sure, lol, in theory it sounds nice but in practice it seems like a pain in the butt and like it would just make it way harder to focus. Maybe if it was an audio-book.

    Updated 07-22-2020 at 01:20 PM by lifeinsteps

    Categories
    non-lucid , dream fragment

    A Half DILD/DEILD

    by lifeinsteps on 07-19-2020 at 11:30 AM
    Awake/explanation
    Normal dream
    Lucid dream

    There's a weird thing that happens to me sometimes that, last time it happened I made a mental note I would realize what's happening: sometimes I guess my eyes aren't shut all the way when I'm sleeping and when it begins to get light outside, I have a false awakening where I'm lying in bed staring at my lit up wall, or can see the light from the window, and I can move my body, but my vision won't change. I can 'close my eyes' and move my body, then open them again and it will still just be the same sight. I'll be stuck in that one position, because I can't move in real life, so all I can see is what my eyes are seeing.

    This morning I was having a dream where I was riding a school-bus that a dog got onto, and I helped to get it off because people were being impatient/mean to it. When I got it off I walked it up to the house it came from and knocked a couple times and opened the door, and it went inside, and out came a very pretty girl I went to school with in high-school who seemed happy to see me. I stood there talking to her for just a second about an art show or something that was happening, when she said, "Is that your bus?" and I turned and looked to see the schoolbus I had been riding was driving away without me.

    I jogged after it for a little bit thinking it would stop again, then it rounded the corner and I jogged through someone's yard trying to catch it on the other side, but it passed and was long gone by the time I got there. At that point I simply turned around and started walking the opposite direction again, thinking, "I'll just walk home then." I was in kind of a rough neighborhood and other kids who had just gotten off school were roaming around looking to make trouble/have fun outside. I tried to avoid them mostly and get home as soon as possible.

    Almost before I knew it, I was home, it was dark, and my dad was in the kitchen making dinner. I explained to him I had missed the bus, and had to walk home, and that this was something that happens in my dreams a lot so it was strange that it had happened in real life. Next I commented, "you know, I got home very quickly, maybe the bus thing was a dream and now I'm awake." My dad sort of encouraged this thought process, and for some reason I didn't reality check but simply played along-- but all the sudden my eyes opened and I was met with a familiar sensation as described up top: I was lying on my side in my room and seeing the light from the window, and went to stand, but my body moved and not my sight.


    I stopped for a minute when this happened. Sometimes I get caught up in the confusion of this feeling like I have gone blind somehow, or at any rate feeling something is wrong and wanting to wake up. I felt this urge again but stopped for a moment, and had a thought: if I can move my body, even if I can't move my vision, I can plug my nose and reality check to ensure that I'm dreaming. So I did.

    "Okay," I thought, "so I'm dreaming, but I still can't move..."

    I began trying different things. I closed my eyes moved around viciously and opened them to the same sight again. I closed my eyes and imagined being somewhere else and opened them and saw the same thing. Eventually I simply imagined myself getting up and walking out of the room. At first this was a very faint imagining that seemed to happen purely in the dark, but occasionally I would notice the light from my window again and 'shut my eyes' in the dream once more. I imagined walking into the kitchen, and soon this became a real dream. As I went into the kitchen, I noticed my dad was still there, and he was facing against the wall-- the lighting in the room had gone somewhat spooky also.

    I didn't like this and knew this was going to set a bad precedent, and I told him, "I just realized I was dreaming the whole time, and I want to wake up." He didn't respond to this but simply turned around and rushed across the room with inhuman speed towards me. I pushed him away and headed outside, thinking to just ignore the ominous feeling the dream was taking on and simply focus on waking myself up. Once I got outside, I walked across the deck and turned back and looked and my father came rushing out after me again, gliding across the floor almost as if in stop-motion, and grabbed me by the neck, turning his face this way and that, not saying anything.

    I warned him, "I know I'm dreaming: you can't hurt me, but if you help me wake up I won't hurt you for trying to scare me" but he continued looking around and holding my neck, and I repeated, "do you know how I can wake up?"

    He looked straight at me, and I didn't like it, so I gave him a gut punch that sent him flying off into the distance. He landed and rushed back, and I did it again, and a couple more times, and suddenly...

    I woke up-- but I still couldn't move! Frustrated, I reached up and plugged my nose again: yep, still dreaming, still can't move because of the light from the window. At this point I began thrashing my body around violently, and soon I felt hands grabbing me all over, and I swung at what I couldn't see randomly, shouting, "Don't touch me! Get off of me!" The touches subsided but I still couldn't move from my spot.

    I woke up again and almost thought I was awake for real until I tried to move, and still couldn't move! I plugged my nose, breathed, sighed, and thought: maybe if I just close my eyes, and turn myself over facing the opposite direction, then go back to sleep, I'll move my body in real life and be facing the wall. I did so, and of course it didn't work and when I opened my eyes I was staring at the familiar scene of my room with the lit window. I began thrashing around again somewhat randomly, hoping that with enough activity, I would just wake up.


    And I woke up again. Annoyed by this point, I expected I was still dreaming and reached up to plug my nose, only to find out I was really awake this time.

    In retrospect, it's clear I actually could dream with my eyes partially open if I could ignore the light long enough. If I had just relaxed and not been so desperate to wake up and roll over or something, perhaps I could have just had a decent lucid dream, but the dream took on an eerie quality once I wanted to wake up but couldn't. The idea of being lucid in this halfway between state was eerie to me I guess, and the dream reacted as a result by being weird and threatening (my dad DC's weirdness, and the phantom touches).

    I will say: I'm proud I maintained control of my lucidity well enough to not panic in these moments or be frightened by the dream overly much. I did lash out at both the DC and the phantom touches, but I never lost the sense that I wasn't their "boss" (lol), or that they could hurt me somehow in a way I couldn't control. They were being weird and I didn't like it, but I wasn't afraid they'd hurt me and I couldn't stop them.

    Unfortunately I don't know what to do when this happens. I have a sleeping mask now which I actually bought partially for this purpose, and partially for WILD practice (which I have been slacking on already). Maybe I could dream, but I keep having false awakenings because of the sight of the light. If I could just shut my eyes once I knew it was happening, but I can't. It's a shame, because it's a dead giveaway that I'm dreaming, and it's probably always going to make me lucid now if I realize what's happening, but then I'm just stuck as a result.

    Perhaps next time I'll try more aggressively "shutting my dream eyes", and leaving them shut while waiting to see what happens there. That did extract me from the situation at least temporarily. If I remain positive about it and not expecting anything strange to happen or feeling eerie about it, maybe I can just have a normal dream despite the light in my eyes (though I expect false awakenings still).
    Categories
    Uncategorized

    A Rapped Suicide Note

    by lifeinsteps on 07-10-2020 at 02:16 PM
    Awake/explanation
    Normal dream
    Lucid dream

    4 AM

    I dreamed I was sitting in my high-school French class streaming 'Everybody Loves Raymond' (lol) when suddenly I felt the teacher walking up near me and shut my tablet off and started copying what was written on the board-- writing down what episode I was on of the show so I could continue when she went away from the front of the class again. As I was note-taking, someone in the back of the room, a tall, goth looking fella, spoke up and said he couldn't see the board, so she told him to bring his desk up next to mine where he could see, by the window. He did so, and after a few seconds of note-taking, I looked over and noticed him standing on his desk chair with a noose around his neck.

    Alarmed, I said, "Woah, what are you doing?" and the teacher ran over almost screaming and pulled it away from him and asked what he was doing. He said he was so tired of being at high-school all the time every day that he decided he was just going to kill himself, because it was really just too much (I silently agreed, lol). She asked him what he did like about life, and before I knew it he came to the front of the class and began performing a very colorfully languaged rap (lots of curse words, awesomely, in the high-school setting) about how his favorite things in life were playing sports (don't judge a book by its cover I guess) and banging chicks, but it wasn't filling the gap in his soul and he was gonna kill himself instead. Some of us laughed at the part about banging (and the very descriptive gestures accompanying it, sorry, I'm still a teenager when it comes to humor and have to say I laughed), and the teacher almost cut him off a couple times, but the fact that he almost just tried to kill himself made her pause and we all listened to the entire thing.

    After he finished, we all broke into applause and laughter, and his face completely lit up, like he had never been met with such approval before. He seemed significantly happier all the sudden, and soon the bell rang. I joked with my friend that his rap sounded like something that would have been the title-screen song (but censored) on FIFA '03, and one of my other friends asked why FIFA '03. I thought about this for a second and said, "Uh, inside joke I guess," because I felt like it was, but had no idea where I had pulled the title from (in reality, I played this game for a blog post about a year ago, so I guess that's where it came from).

    I set off walking through the hall at this point, from upstairs, and realized the stairs down had been replaced by a mountain of still-packaged tampons, almost like a slide. Quite a few girls were making their way down ahead of me (I have no idea what was with this imagery in the dream, my mind was clearly just all over the place after the crazy rap), and I tried to go down slowly without losing control and falling all the way down. As I neared the bottom, I wanted to jump off to avoid landing on any of the packages and breaking them, and I steadied myself to do so and jump in a small hole between a few packages. A couple people noticed and went silent as if watching me, and I bounded off and held my toes together and landed right in the small gap, and everyone sarcastically clapped as if pretending to be impressed. I deeply bowed sarcastically also, and a couple people laughed, and I walked out the door.

    I then set to looking for my bus, and remembered it pulled up at the very right-side of the front of the school, which had a playground there. I jogged my way over there, and realized there was a shortbus still there that had to leave first, for the handicapped kids. I sat down on the wooden perimeter of the playground looking at the side of the bus, and a couple other guys came and sat down at my sides. Suddenly, as the bus was taking off, a baby was thrown from behind me and landed in the dirt underneath the back tire of the bus.

    The guy to my right suddenly leapt up shouting, "No! Stop!" and it wasn't enough, the bus took off and ran the baby over full stop, mashing it into the dirt. This guy let out a blood-curdling scream and ran and picked it up, while I sat in shock watching him, and he held it up and the baby just happily said "mama!" despite being folded into a pretzel. We all blinked, and he, holding the baby, said, "It's... it's just a doll..." and started straightening out its limbs. We all breathed a sigh of relief while watching him.

    Then I woke up!


    6 AM

    I was at my friend's (Brooks') apartment in a city building, on the third floor or so, and we were casually chatting, when I suddenly remembered my dream goal of conversing when someone in a different language I didn't know. Somehow this did not make me lucid at all. I turned to him and said, "Do you know anyone that speaks a different language in here?" and he mentioned that a friend of his from high-school (her name was Megan) spoke Spanish. I told him to call her up immediately because I wanted to speak to her. He went and buzzed her up and went out in the hallway and brought her in, and when he did, he said hello to her in Spanish (buenos something), and she looked at him puzzled, and said, "Uh, hola." He asked if she remembered how to speak Spanish, and she said, "I've never been able to speak Spanish...?"

    Suddenly, we were in the courtyard below talking about this instead of his room (don't know how, didn't question), and she continued, "I took French in high-school." I remembered her being in my French class and held my hand over my head going, "Ahhhh, crap, that's right, and you know as much French as I do!" and she nodded. Then I sort of threw my fist down and said, "I needed to speak Spanish with someone!"

    Overhearing this, and older lady who was walking by brightened up and said, "Oh, Spanish? I love speaking Spanish! Come over to my apartment and we'll speak Spanish anytime!" and continued walking up the ramp into the building. I walked back to my friend's room with him and asked who she was, and he explained she lived next door. As we got back into his apartment, he sat down on the chair, and he said, "How long do I have to live in this apartment?"

    I waved my hand and said, "Just until I can speak Spanish with this woman in my next dream, not that long, you just can't move yet because it's really convenient and I won't have a reason to come see her." He began complaining about the apartment and I started looking around and saying, "What's so bad about this apartment, look, you've got a room... there's another room, you've got four rooms! This place is huge, it's like a house!" and his wife from the other room said, "I wouldn't say that!" and as I was starting to feel like they were definitely gonna move, I woke up
    and slapped myself in the forehead for being so dumb.

    Updated 07-10-2020 at 02:18 PM by lifeinsteps

    Categories
    Uncategorized

    Tiny Motorcycle

    by lifeinsteps on 07-07-2020 at 02:35 PM
    Awake/explanation
    Normal dream
    Lucid dream

    I went to bed around 11:30 PM, and forgot to set my alarms. I woke up around 3 AM from a dream and didn't voice memo it, so I only remember a sliver:

    I was in a store with a friend of mine (Brooks, who shows up in a lot of dreams apparently) and we were looking around, when I spotted a rack of video-games. Curious, I stopped to thumb through them (this also happens a lot in dreams, lol, I guess in real life too in thrift stores). There were games there of various generations but no prices really lept out at me as good enough to pull the trigger on.

    That's pretty much it for that fragment, then I remember lying down to WILD. I forced myself to get up and use the restroom (I was about to fall back asleep straight out) and when I got back I laid down and closed my eyes. It went very quickly, and suddenly I was startled back into waking mind by the sensation that my whole body was vibrating and there was a loud, train like sound in my ears. I knew these were just sleep vibrations, and as they passed, I laid still and listened. I kept my eyes shut and felt my heart beating fast from the start that I was given.

    At this point I don't remember what happened. I think that after the noises passed, I may have actually been asleep and didn't realize it. It's also possible the noises passed, left me startled in bed, and I quickly fell asleep normally. I probably should have sat up and reality checked after the noises passed, because it may have been a totally successful WILD if I had.

    At any rate, when I woke up this morning it was from another fragment:

    I was in my car driving up a high-way ramp when for some reason I pulled over onto the side of the ramp and waited for a gap in cars (something made me do this but I can't remember what). Eventually, a gap came and I pulled out into the road, then pulled into the left lane because there was nobody there behind me and I figured I'd have time to get up to speed. As I did this and turned forwards, I realized another car was coming down the ramp the wrong way, and I quickly yanked my car into the right lane again. There were two guys riding on one motorcycle in-front of me, and I put on the brakes to not run into them. They put on their brakes at the same time, and as I wasn't braking hard enough, I pulled my wheel to the right to go off the ramp again. However, they pulled to the right too, and my car gently pushed their motorcycle off the embankment down the hill, while they both jumped off.

    I quickly jumped out of my car and, for some reason, immediately ran down the hill to catch the motorcycle. When I got there, I picked it up and realized it wasn't much of a motorcycle at all-- it was like a little tiny motorcycle for children. I picked it up and hauled it back up the hill and set it on the pavement. The guy who was driving was the older brother of two siblings, and he apologized to me first, saying that he had slammed on the brakes because he was afraid there was a car coming, and if he had just kept going it would have been fine. I told him it was okay, I also could have just gone around them I guess, but anyway no harm done. Then he tried to start his bike and it wouldn't work.

    I told him, which I knew from earlier in the dream somehow, that there was a mechanic up the ramp and across the street on the other side, as I walked with him and his brother up the ramp. I pointed it out to him, and he went inside a nearby building for some reason (I think it was a fast food joint). I started walking across the street (for some reason abandoning my car), and that's the last thing I remember before waking up.
    Categories
    non-lucid , dream fragment