Thread: Tell me about how to pick up a chick that i don't know or have any classes with but i've seen around

I gotta stop making excuses! I am a man g********!

HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Wow I agree with all of O's posts.. very insightful stuff man..

Thanks.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I also agree with UM that the "raw" approach is pretty difficult, especially in high school, and especially if you don't have any prior experiences with girls. You should definitely work up the courage for the raw approach at some point in your life (the sooner the better), but realistically I think it's too much to expect in this situation.

I agree with this. Truth be told; I never had the balls to be that direct in high school, unless I could tell the girl was already receptive toward me. I definitely offer that to Hercuflea as kind of an "If I'd have known then what I know now..." sort of deal. Heh.

But, Hercuflea, do you know anything about this girl? Is there any sort of conversation you could start with her about something she would likely already have an interest in? Is she the cheerleader type? Is she into science? You say you have friends that are friends with her. Do they know anything about her interests that the two of you might have in common? It would make your first conversation with her go much more smoothly if you two had some sort of mutual interest that could break the ice.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

The other plan I propose is to forget all attempts at approaching this girl. Take the pressure off yourself, continue to admire her from afar if you must, and in the meantime get to know some girls that you are not interested in, for the social practice. Whenever I had a big crush on someone, I found that it was immensely easier to talk to all the other guys.

This is good advice, too. It's something that definitely got me more accustomed to talking to attractive girls (not that I'm a regular Don Juan or anything now. I still have to work myself up to just approach someone I find really attractive). But now, it matters much less if I don't find someone that attractive, I still like to flirt with them. It's just good, playful fun, and it's a good way to practice being comfortable with flirty banter in general - which is important, because you never want things to seem too serious when you're first approaching someone you like. It's good to play with your prospect - like UM said. Don't be afraid to tease her a little bit. There is a healthy medium between showing someone you're interested in them and showing them you're "sprung" on them. Before you can make her feel comfortable, you have to show her that you're comfortable being around her. Much easier said than done, though, I know.

Yeah i dont really know too much about her. I think she might play soccer but i dont really know. She has a brother thats in her same grade but i dont know him either. Maybe i can think of something. Does anyone have any sort of quasi-generic topics that i can use that will make her interested, but wont make it akward/boring?

And the comfort thing. Exactly how does one make a girl comfortable?

Originally Posted by Hercuflea

And the comfort thing. Exactly how does one make a girl comfortable?

By being comfortable yourself. If you are completely comfortable, and it shows in how you act and what you say, she will inevitably become comfortable herself.

Little trick, when you're with a girl...take all your focus outside yourself, and put it on her. Make sure she is having a good time and that she doesn't feel awkward. Instead of asking yourself if you're acting the right way, or if your hair looks good, concentrate on her body language to see where she wants you to lead her. Make her laugh, make her think...listen carefully to what she says, and show that you care and are interested. Also, very important (and even more importantly, do not fake it!), try to understand her, and once you do, make her feel like you do. Be honest though, don't just say oh yeah I know what you mean and me too, when really you have no idea...because that will backfire.

When you get to talk to her, don't put her on a pedestal. Even though she is beautiful and you really like her, don't let that show too much. Treat her like you would treat anybody else that you respect when you first meet them. Don't worry about doing everything perfect, be yourself and say what you think she will respond to. You could talk about the stupidest subject, and still connect with her and leave her with a good impression.

Good luck my friend.

You could think of it as a game so you aren't as nervous.. It kind of is as you want to win by having her go out with you.

My favorite dead-cold pickup line is to just be honest and say, "I really like your style," then talk about whatever it is you wanted to talk about. I think it sums it up in the most honest way. Sometimes you see people, and you really just like the way they carry themselves, the way they look, the way they smile with their friends, their overall "Style". It lets them know you've seen them around, but not in a pervey-stalker way.

Of course, there is all that weird high school politics you have to contend with, so maybe this won't work if you're 16.

I will take all of your advisements into consideration.

Do the pencil first then wait a week.

That way she isn't on to you right off the bat.. Unless you want her to be. I don't know. The only downside is people around you will see. So I guess take the pencil off the list

Originally Posted by hellohihello

Do the pencil first then wait a week.

That way she isn't on to you right off the bat.. Unless you want her to be. I don't know. The only downside is people around you will see. So I guess take the pencil off the list

Lol...nice.

Originally Posted by Hercuflea

Lol...nice.

To be honest, I myself would not do it but it might be a good start.

Onei's advice is the best.

Bumping into her causing her to drop her books will NOT work. That will piss her off and then she'll think you're creepy, especially if your friend already told her you like her.

Just talk to her. Grow some FAWKIN balls. !

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

The other plan I propose is to forget all attempts at approaching this girl. Take the pressure off yourself, continue to admire her from afar if you must, and in the meantime get to know some girls that you are not interested in, for the social practice. Whenever I had a big crush on someone, I found that it was immensely easier to talk to all the other guys.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

I still have to work myself up to just approach someone I find really attractive). But now, it matters much less if I don't find someone that attractive, I still like to flirt with them. It's just good, playful fun, and it's a good way to practice being comfortable with flirty banter in general - which is important, because you never want things to seem too serious when you're first approaching someone you like. It's good to play with your prospect

not saying that this isn't good advice or anything, but something about these posts seems a bit shallow... just the fact that you're basically telling him to use other girls that are less attractive as practice.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

tell her that you think she's attractive....

it won't come off like you're trying to 'run game' on her (playing the macho "hey..how you doin??" role)....

chances are that will end up contradicting itself. I think having some random guy come up to you and strike up a conversation out of nowhere is a big enough hint

my advice would be that if you do get talking to her and it ends up being awkward with neither of you knowing what to say, don't start thinking "well, I sure screwed that up." and make it harder for you to talk to her again. I had kind of the same situation a few months ago that you're in now. I tried talking to this guy I thought was attractive and we had one of those three sentence conversations and then neither of us knew what to say. I felt like a total idiot, but later I talked to him again and we actually got a good conversation going. now we talk to each other all the time. It's scary talking to someone for the first time because, as important as first impressions are, people think they're a total make-or-break situation, which just simply isn't true.


oh and it's ok if the first conversation is a little boring. It doesn't absolutely have to be all that interesting when you're basically just trying to get her to know you exist. I mean, it would be good if you could find something interesting to talk about, but if you can't don't freak out about it. After you've talked to her to the point where she actually knows who you are, then try to come up with interesting conversation.

Originally Posted by Dizko

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

not saying that this isn't good advice or anything, but something about these posts seems a bit shallow... just the fact that you're basically telling him to use other girls that are less attractive as practice.

I don't think it's shallow. I think it's realistic. Do you deny that there is a lot more anxiety felt when you're talking to someone that you find really attractive, and someone that you don't? That, in itself, could be interpreted as shallow.

My point is to be comfortable with joking/flirting with everyone equally. Doing this would cause him to be more comfortable with flirtatious banter. A natural consequence of that would be that he would be more comfortable with it, when he's around those that he finds more attractive. It's not like I'm going up to him and saying "Hey. See that ugly chick over there? Go flirt with her so you can use her for practice."

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

chances are that will end up contradicting itself. I think having some random guy come up to you and strike up a conversation out of nowhere is a big enough hint

Not really. It's just being honest. The latter would be trying to play the macho/player role, which is often a huge turn-off (well, for those girls with any amount of maturity and/or self-respect). And part of a big problem with girls today is that too many of them think that just because a guy attempts to strike up a conversation with them, they're trying to get in their pants (and that needs to stop). So I'd have to disagree with you on that one.

^^ Well she's a freshman so it might be easier than i thought...

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Not really. It's just being honest. The latter would be trying to play the macho/player role, which is often a huge turn-off (well, for those girls with any amount of maturity and/or self-respect).

I was just saying that it can be really easy to mess it up and make saying something nice like "I think you're attractive" seem like something a player would say. It depends on how you say it, but a lot of guys either end up sounding like a player or really nervous. You have to be able to find a good middle ground so you can seem confident but not cocky.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

And part of a big problem with girls today is that too many of them think that just because a guy attempts to strike up a conversation with them, they're trying to get in their pants

That's not necessarily true. Girls only think like that if the guy striking up the conversation is acting like a player. If he's being nice, most girls would at the most be flattered because they thought the guy must think they were cute or something. You don't have to stereotype girls into seeming like we all think that guys are just all about sex.

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

That's not necessarily true. Girls only think like that if the guy striking up the conversation is acting like a player. If he's being nice, most girls would at the most be flattered because they thought the guy must think they were cute or something. You don't have to stereotype girls into seeming like we all think that guys are just all about sex.

I didn't say anything about all girls. I didn't even say "most." I said "too many," and it's true. There is a culture of girls out there (mostly the fake, big-city type) that think exactly as I've accused them of, and act accordingly. And we're not talking a small patch of girls here and there. It's something well-rooted in popular culture. Just as there are players out there who think they can get any girl they want, there are these vain, high-maintenance, superficial girls who think guys are supposed to fawn all over them because they are self-proclaimed "hotties." I'd be so bold as to say that there are many girls on this very forum who would agree with me on that.

If you are not one of the types of girls I'm talking about, then you should feel no offense, but whatever the case, you can't honestly deny that there are a lot of them out there.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

I didn't say anything about all girls. I didn't even say "most." I said "too many," and it's true. There is a culture of girls out there (mostly the fake, big-city type) that think exactly as I've accused them of, and act accordingly. And we're not talking a small patch of girls here and there. It's something well-rooted in popular culture. Just as there are players out there who think they can get any girl they want, there are these vain, high-maintenance, superficial girls who think guys are supposed to fawn all over them because they are self-proclaimed "hotties." I'd be so bold as to say that there are many girls on this very forum who would agree with me on that.

If you are not one of the types of girls I'm talking about, then you should feel no offense, but whatever the case, you can't honestly deny that there are a lot of them out there.

Yeah sure there are some girls out there like that, but this is high school we're talking about. If a girl is like that you'd probably be able to tell that's how she thinks just by the way she presents herself in general. And if that's not how she is then a conversation alone isn't going to make her think that all the guy wants out of it is sex. At least that's how it is at my HS.
I've just never seen a nice guy start an innocent conversation with the girls response whether in body language or verbally being "ugh he's just trying to get in my pants!" maybe if the guy was acting cocky or something but never over a simple conversation. it's not
That your comment offended me or anything, I'm just telling it like it is from a high school girl's point of view

Here's a damn good technique that has always worked for me, and doesn't require balls of steel.

I find that the best way to hook up with girls is at parties. If you only see her at school though, I would suggest going up to her and saying, "Did it hurt?..." Hahaha, no just kidding. Just say, "Hey wassup? You know **insert friends name** right? Then tell her a story that happened over the weekend or something with your friend. The fact that you have a friend that knows her is awesome, he/she is your gateway to the hot chick. I actually had a girl I liked approach me only a week ago with this same method. I had wanted to get with her for a while, but she made the first move. Now we're pretty good friends.

This method works even if you don't have a friend that knows her. You can just pretend you thought she knew someone, then proceed to tell her some funny story about your friend.

Good luck

I agree with O again about plenty of girls being full of themselves, and that talking to other women for "practice" is not anywhere near shallow.

We talk to people every day for social practice. We must. Whether it's just to chat, or to flirt, it doesn't matter. We must have this practice, otherwise we won't learn. That doesn't mean we're "using" these people in any kind of negative way. The more social interactions you have in life, the better equipped you'll be do deal with pretty much any obstacle.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I agree with O again about plenty of girls being full of themselves, and that talking to other women for "practice" is not anywhere near shallow.

We talk to people every day for social practice. We must. Whether it's just to chat, or to flirt, it doesn't matter. We must have this practice, otherwise we won't learn. That doesn't mean we're "using" these people in any kind of negative way. The more social interactions you have in life, the better equipped you'll be do deal with pretty much any obstacle.

I never said there was anything wrong with becoming more social and talking to people no matter how attracted to them you are or not. I just meant it seemed kind of shallow to blatantly go out looking for people that seem "easy" with the sole purpose in mind of practicing your flirting techniques. Especially if it's going to lead the girl on in any way. When looking for social interaction it should be because you actually care about the person at least somewhat, not cause you need a "practice dummy"

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

I never said there was anything wrong with becoming more social and talking to people no matter how attracted to them you are or not. I just meant it seemed kind of shallow to blatantly go out looking for people that seem "easy" with the sole purpose in mind of practicing your flirting techniques. Especially if it's going to lead the girl on in any way. When looking for social interaction it should be because you actually care about the person at least somewhat, not cause you need a "practice dummy"

Ah, but see, you misunderstand my initial point. There is a difference between "flirtatious banter" and "leading someone on." There is a whole world of innuendo that can be thrown back and forth without actually putting out the idea that you are truthfully interested in developing some sort of relationship with someone. In fact, it's pretty normal, and it goes on all the time. That is the kind of banter that I'm talking about; playful jokes that are meant for giggles and light-hearted socializing. I'm not talking about "putting moves" on someone, and making them think you really like them and might want to start some sort of intimate encounter. Just random little come-ons and witty one-liners that are all in good fun, no matter who you're talking to.

Most often, this type of humor is very well understood for what it is. Humor. The way someone talks to someone that they are really interested in and someone they are just having fun with is usually completely different. But it is practice with the former that makes the latter much easier.

Seriously bud, just go talk to her. Its really as simple (if a little hard) as that, girls at your age really respect a guy who can do that.