Xanous' Dream Journal

#380 - DILD - 5:28AM

I woke from a dream about a girl fighting off bad men in the mountains. When I woke I used the toilet and failed a half-assed WILD attempt. I eventually had the the following dream.

I am visiting the doctor for multiple ailments. I had a sore throat as well as some other things I am worried about in waking life. I talk things over with my doctor and wife. I didn't think about it then but the doctor looks like Jeremy Crane from sleepy hollow.



I have a false awakening in some military style barracks with multiple bunk-beds. I understand this is a lucid dreaming study and I was supposed to have become lucid. I look around and see some oddities on the ceiling. I blurt out, "This is a dream." There it is. I got lucid. I didn't really know it was a dream at this point and was only pretending so that I didn't seem a total failure.

Erica (My sister's ex-husband's daughter) is in a bed a little ways down from me. She's speaking to some other people in the group saying she was lucid and begins to offer WILD advice. She tells us how she visualized the dream from scratch but went slowly building detail a little at a time. At first I think this is a bunch of nonsense, but the more I think about it, the more I realize this makes a lot of sense. I am mostly just annoyed she did it better than me. Taking her advice to heart, however begrudgingly, I lay back down and make another attempt at WILD.

I quickly see an orange car and zoom in on it. I focus on a side-view mirror and slowly add detail as I zoom out. The car begins to look like The General Lee parked in my driveway as the scene fills out. The sky seems extra vivid now and I look up. I stare at the clouds for a few seconds and have a feeling of entering the dream. Fully lucid now, I look back at the car and now it is an old, light blue Studebaker.



I become excited and hope in through a sunroof into the driver seat. There's no need to start it up but I slap it into 1st gear and let of the clutch as I hit the gas. I shout, "Ooooooh stick shift. How I've missed driving a stick!" In fact this old Studebaker feels familiar like something I used to own a long time ago. I continue on down the street enjoying the labor of shifting gears as I accelerate. At some point I have a strange feeling of fatigue in my right leg; as if I am using my own energy to make the car move along. I ponder how I am going to talk about this new way of WILDing on the podcast. Ill recall the details later. I am sure that I have found the method.

This feeling is broken as I spy three young cheerleaders running across the street ahead of me. Having accomplished my first goal I quickly recall my secondary. I am not sure what my first goal even was. My fake WILD attempt? I know I want to ask a DC an important question, so without slowing down, I do the familiar phasing-out-of-the-car trick. I feel some physical resistance but have no real issue with it. I smile at the closest, yet youngest girl. She reminds me of my younger daughter with her long blond hair. They would be about the same age.

I ask, "Hey... What do you repre...." No not "represent". What was the question? Oh yeah. I try again, "What is the nature of reality?"
The girls body language suggest that she's a little flustered and stressed. She mumbles, "It's in the ashtray."
I chuckle thinking this is typical nonsense from a DC. Disappointed, I let it go and say, "That's ok. Thanks."
The girls now becomes very clear in her words now, with a sense of purpose, "No." She points at the car. "It's in the ashtray. Over there."
I perk up now excited, "Oh? The car?"
She nods and I rush back over to the abandoned Studebaker in the street. I am super scared that I will wake up now, not knowing the answer to my question. I focus on the little details in the road, particularly noting a river rock laying in the middle near the car. I reach inside and pull out an ashtray. It has a lid on it and I flip it open, revealing another lid. I open that to find yet another smaller one. I do this several times until I find a really small yet empty opening. Confused I remove the ashtray and take it to the girl. "It's empty", I say. "There's nothing. Is the nature of reality emptiness?" She gives me a look that conveys a message. I get it right away. I say, "OK It's a puzzle." I really worry that this will just end up being random garbage but I look again really trying to understand. I begin seeing random numbers on the inside of the lids. The numbers change from something chaotic into something with order. They start counting in a sequence from low to high. Something clicks. I ask, "The nature of reality is order?"
She smiles and says, "Well chaos from order..." She has that flustered look again.
Thinking she just got her words backwards, I reply, "Do you mean order from chaos?"
She answers, "Well that too."
I get the feeling that this is only the tip of iceberg and the actual answer is much deeper than this; it's the best short answer she can offer. I say, "Oh wow... that is... REALLY.... interesting." Feeling accomplished, I think that I should wake myself up but I really don't want this to end. I begin to feel a great sense of gratitude toward the girl and whatever part of my subconscious she has come from. I give her a side hug and say, "I love you." I kiss her on the forehead, but she doesn't react in anyway. It's as if she has lost all intelligence. The dream fades and I wake up.

Since it was almost time to wake up anyway, I spent some time letting my mind wander while pondering this dream. It seems like stoner talk but I took notes.

Chaos from order as well as order from chaos... Is this the nature of reality? Maybe she was just referring to the dream state. Order and chaos would surely intermingle there, but isn't that also true for waking life? It's like the Yin and the Yang.

Are the dream state and waking life really so different? Sure waking life is more consistent but that is only because so many minds share in the experience. The dream state is only my one mind. Waking life is billions. This is why dream control is easy but affecting waking life is more difficult. This could explain mass consciousness experiments as well as political and social change. It takes many acting as one to really make any lasting change in the waking world, but what happens when groups of many like minded people clash? War...chaos. Eventually there is order again and the cycle repeats.