NyxCC

Backlog: 5 March

Average wakefulness, I do my best to fall asleep. I get some very strong and bright visuals with a fast transition into the same room. It gives the inital impression of seeing through closed eyes. I examine my hands for a while, then get up and go to the other room. The dream ends.

I wake up, then have a couple more wildlets I can't recall.

A more coherent scene, now it looks like the dream leaves me somewhere outside on an unknown road. I pass by a small gingko tree and end up in a forest area where I address the dream and express my happiness about being here.

My mental clarity improves and I recall the task I wanted to do today - walk in a house and describe what's happening. There is a lonely tall house in the midst of all the trees and I head in its direction. It has no windows just a single old door that I try to open but cannot figure the direction. It's supposed to be pushed but there is resistance, so I decide to pull instead. It doesn't work because it is stuck. I think about our recent conversation with bemistaken how she would phase through the door, but I don't want a drastic scene change at the moment. I hold tightly the door and pull it. It looks like a door, but at the same time now also looks and peels like a large piece of wallpaper.

And surprise, surprise it reveals just another door. Ah, the typical dream bug! I briefly wonder about the feedback loop causing this and try again. I peel another door to reveal yet another door behind it. Oh, come on! I am not thinking so much about this. Got to concentrate on expecting what is behind the door, yes, it is opening to show the inside of the house. I punch a hole in the now somewhat solid door and pull/peel it to finally reveal the entrace. Yay! No more doors! I get inside. To my disappointment, it's an unpleasant looking place. A completely empty place with creepy stairs going down to the basement and up to the next floor. I start going up the stairs when the scenario worsens and see a kid rush towards the only small window in the place. It appears to be running away from something and I don't want to find out what that is. I decide this is enough for basic and head towards the window. I soon wake up.

I deild (3 more scene changes), having some fun after running out of tasks to do.

Note: summary

Date: 17 Sept

Short ld: I go in the building where grandma lives, get in the elevator but it looks wider than usual. It turns into some sort of transportation cart and I move through the neighborhood. At some point I press the button for the floor and get out. There is a bear. I recognize this as a DS and become lucid. I take a turn and continue walking in this room full of DCs. There is also a half-lion half-man similar to the one from previous dreams walking around. I notice there is a green aura-like blur around him and another DC. I try tk on some cups but it doesn't work. Then I remember AF and decide to do it here and now but the dream fades and I wake up.

Date: 20 Sept

Short ld frag: I am in a house and now in a small room, wearing only a towel and next to this sports guy. I know this is a dream, but am not focused. I stare at the guy and wait for more clarity. Instead, the guy starts humping me with his clothes on. He makes these moves, it looks kind of weird and funny, especially his face. In the meantime, I am thinking about phasing, but the door just opens so I sneak out.

I go down the stairs. Being semi-naked I decide I want to turn this into a show where everybody would be dancing naked. It's a dream after all, I remind myself. I try to organize the scene and gather the DCs but the dream fades and I wake up.

Post 2/2 for 16th of Sept

LD2: this dream/dreams have been going on forever, with lots of scene changes and it has been very hard to recover it.

I am in our old bathroom and the B6 woman is here again. We get into a fight again, I squeeze some shampoo in her eyes.

A lucid scene here I can't remember, I am examining my hands and think how normal and real they look, even though I know it's a dream.

I look out the window of this place where I believe I live and see a familiar city. I have some thoughts that I wasn't able to fulfill my goals because I always get stuck in these rooms and I need to go outdoors to make it work better.

I fly outside, but my flight is kind of bad and I end up in a river/marsh. I am on the surface, then sinking down as I wonder what to do. I give myself instructions about what to think and how to modify the terrain below me and there are some changes, but on the whole it doesn't work as it's supposed to and I continue sinking. All kinds of sensations (including void-like) as I feel submerged yet my head is above the water.

I think this must have ended with the void.

I just remember that am in a car with bf and a blonde woman with short hair. She reminds me of an actress. I turn my back on the road and sit on top of the the woman, facing her, then look around. I notice the color of her clothes, blue and green. Really nice colors and fit her very well. I can also see that now I am wearing the same blue shirt as her. The next moment, the woman offers to do some sexy things on me and after a short thought I find the strength to refuse. I concentrate on the phone task and get a phone from one of them. I press the dial button and listen. Immediately a random guy answers, eager for a conversation. I know he's not the right person, so I tell him wrong number and attempt to hang up but he tries to convince me it is the right number. He also says some funny stuff I can't recall.

I take a moment to think that this dream has been going on for a while and I am already forgetting some parts.

At some point, there is some sort of funny nonsensical text on the phone that now turns to some other object, that I try to memorize and temporary do, but as I try to read it again all the letters change.

I can't remember what happened, but now I am in this place, like a large appartment, with lots of DCs all around, mostly representing people I know. I am still trying to call Xanous, have another phone in my hand and I struggle with the phone book. You could say that my lucidity level drops as all kinds of false memories emerge and I am trying not to show I care in front of the people that know me.

For some reason I believe that I have Xanous' real number, that he has given me his real number. I also see some photos of the blue bedsheets of his kid, some toys and other stuff I can't remember. This is on some sort of TV screen now and I am using a remote control (or is it the phone?) to try to navigate the menu and just get to the number and hide from my friends that I have been given all this info.

I finally get the right number, press the dial key and listen. For a while nobody picks up and then the voice mail turns on and I can hear Xanous' voice. He says something briefly and then there's lots of music and sounds as I nervously wait for what seems like forever to be able to leave a message.

I start a long speech from which I remember the first and last sentences.

"Hey Xanous, I made it, I am calling you from a dream. ....

Do you know how hard it has been to keep this super long dream going, pick up."

My voice changes as I speak. I finally exhaust myself with the speech and end the conversation. I look outside and think that now that I am done calling Xanous, I can move to the next task, Angel Falls. It feels like my determination to make that call has been the key factor holding this dream together for a such an great amount of time and now it slowly begins to fade and I wake up.

Total sleep time: 8 hrs

Pre bed: nada

Dream quality and recall: average vividness, deep sleep and challenging recall

Comment: there was an increase in emotions during daytime, which is evident in the dream as well.

Early fragment: some story about dreaming and accounting for lds

Dream: I am waiting for the train, then get on it. A friend of mine is supposed to sit next to me but goes in the other carriage instead. I am taking my shoes off, white socks. The guy next to me is already asleep. Then the perspective changes and I see four of them - friends dining together (without me). I become enraged and show them the finger. They raise their glasses and so do I. My shirt now has wine stain that I try to clean with a cloth, but the cloth is dirty so it gets worse. Then I remember that I can use bread and ham to clean it, just like my dad did. I also take a bite out of my "detergent".

Fragment: A girl from my class is attracted to me and is kissing me. Later the class meets and I have some concerns about her kissing me in front of others. (I don't even like her irl)

WBTB (+had some anxiety thoughts initially)

Mini-ld: I have a FA at home with the person I was thinking about in the beginning of the WBTB. He irritates me and I become angry shouting at him. I realize this is a dream (I read something about karma and emotions during dreams yesterday). My anger vanishes and I make a remark about this. I go on to leave the building. Unfortunately, I don't remember if I phased or how I got outside, just that I was trying to fly down. So I am on a balcony or window and want to fly down the way the girl does in the end of Crouching tiger Hidden dragon, slowly. I succeed in controlling the speed of the flying till I reach the ground, then I go up again. I think I woke up soon after that.

No notes, went back to sleep.

Mini-ld fragment: I am in an unfamiliar room and there is a man in front of me and suddenly I shout at him my anxiety thoughts. Again, I realize this is a dream, I am quite happy I was able to catch this again. I apologize, the man smiles. Unfortunately, I can't recall anything else, the dream ends with the void. I shortly try to summon Angel Falls, but the position which I am imagining myself is making me feel uncomfortable. The images fade away.

Mini-ld: I am on the street but feel like my dream control is not working very well because everybody is walking towards me daringly. A dog charges at me and I start some sort of thought/control manipulation to stop it, but in the end grab it and put it on my shoulder/head and neutralize it. Three female DCs are bothering me, I have no idea what they want. I remember I can escape from them by flying, so I fly just a bit above them. However, they can still reach me and I am coming down against my will. I only know one other way to deal with them and ask them if this is what they want. They say yes and I rip one of the girls' clothes off. I wake up before any censure is necessary.

Fragment: Thus guy I know is giving an interview for the newspaper

Date: 5th Aug

Total sleep time: 7 hrs<

Pre bed: Calcium&Magn, 100mg B6

Natural wakes: 6x, vivid dreams after each, lazy to record, also mislaid notebook

Early dream(+3 hrs?): a memory of a lucid, where I didn't do anything in particular? We were gathered on street around a fountain/pillar?

Dream: An emotional personal dream with a rather unpleasant outcome. Sadness and anger.

Dream: Sitting on the table of a local cafe. My high school classmates smoke cigarette after cigarette. I am thinking about that, blowing out clean air in front of me.

Dream: A bit like a FA, or was it a dream, this was more hearing the dream than seeing it. Mom is talking with dad that she regrets not noticing the details of her dream, because this is the third time she actually has a lucid.

LD: After trying to fall asleep for a while after the natural wake, I catch myself in the midst of a dreamlet. I see my bf already in the dream on the street, but I am still there more of a side spectator than an in-dream presence. My bf starts doing repetitive movements with his hands as if he is entering the dream as well. I concentrate and soon my hands and body appear in the dream. I have a little trouble moving, feel my body slightly paralyzed, but am relaxed about it and just wait. Bf gives me a hand and pulls me closer, which helps me become more solid. He is very friendly and nicer than most of his DC appearances and I wonder whether this could be a shared dream. I walk on the street for a bit, but things destabilize, then the dream is possibly back again. Memory gap?

I have no idea what happened but now am on the roof floor of a building with lots of kids around. I think I lost my lucidity or am quite distracted at this point. The kids are playing with two balloons, one red and one blue, and I am getting closer to the edge of the building as they almost throw one of the balloons too far. I have worries about falling down. Then I go over one of the kids and tell her to turn off/change the music. Here I regain my lucidity as I try to go down while I get a strange fear of heights. I conclude that when people feel this fear they enter a similar to the dream state while awake. Some sort of exaggerated anxiety mood.

I am now one floor below, with my bf and a number of DCs next to me. I decide to ask my bf about the meaning of life. Again, he looks more like himself here. At first he answers something about "going forward", which I very much like. I tell him to repeat it again but instead he says "I like going back and forward" and then blurts out "Money". This disappoints me a bit. I want to get more and better answers so ask another DC. This guy looks falsely familiar and initially gives me the impression I might have encountered a real dreamer as he begins to ponder the question. But then he just keeps repeating "mmm" and "mmmhum" and doesn't say anything. I am annoyed and feel the dream is slipping away as I have been waiting too long. The dream stops but instead of going through the void, I lose consciousness. It takes maybe about 10 seconds and I am back in the dream.

I was in some sort of a corridor before and now I go into the next room where there are a lot of DCs from my class. I want to ask once again, so I organize those DCs which are now around 20 to gather in front of me as if I am about to take a picture of them. I then make an intro and ask them what the meaning of life is. Lots of my classmates raise hands and I select K. who is smiling to answer. She starts a long speech about happiness. She doesn't say anything exciting, just tells me about her life. I have no more interest in getting the question answered. I then address the whole class and ask them if they know what a lucid dream is and if they have had one. A few try to say something, but it is really hard to concentrate as there are too many DCs in the room. I tell them that this is a lucid dream, but then begin to worry that I might actually be having a shared dream with someone and they might think I am crazy. I leave them to talk with one another. I lose consciousness again, the dream is back in a few seconds. (no void)

I am trying to think of more tasks when I see this pretty Asian girl maybe around 20 years old. I start having distracting side thoughts and want to get close to her but she looks scared and tries to run away. I relax a bit and so does she. She lies on my lap as I marvel her beautiful hair and caress her. When she stands up, I notice she is wearing a knee-length dress. I know it is a bad idea to do it temptation-wise, but I just can't resist and start licking her leg. (Yes, I have a problem!) I notice how super real her leg looks, feels and tastes (a bit salty). I am still considering whether I should fully indulge or try to remember and do other tasks, when the dream suddenly ends. I stay still, but am too wakeful to DEILD or fall asleep.

Comments: I did some quick reading related to neurotransmitters and noticed that B6 plays a role in the synthesis of five: serotonin, dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine and GABA. So, after the intake of B6 it is likely that my levels of these increase.The usual effects for me are earlier onset of memorable dreams (today first wake was at plus 3hrs), emotionally loaded dream contents (often aggressive DCs, sometimes me running away, i.e. fight or flight response, also some sexy moments), reduced sleepiness/increased alertness. After thinking about the effects, it looks like one neurotransmitter receives a significant boost and influences the overall mood of the dream - dopamine. I feel that this information finally coming to my attention is important as it increases my understanding of dream intensity and may help me eventually achieve better control during lds.

Date: 7 June

Total sleep time: 8+ hrs

Pre bed: SJW, B6

Sleep quality and WBTB: I have been sleeping like a sloth all week long. One thing I have changed in my WBTB routine was to switch from using an alarm to using natural wakes. This has worked out partially fine. I do wake up naturally 2-3 times after sleeping 4-5 hrs. I think that in this way I am allowing my body to determine the best time for WBTB, instead of me forcefully using the alarm. The only problem is that, out of fear not to cause insomnia and possibly due to laziness, my WBTBs were not as serious as they should have been, thus not raising alertness to desired for LD levels. Will have to work on that.

Dream recall: While my recall has been somewhat reduced by my sleepiness, I have additionally been skimming my dreams. I have been putting only keywords instead of journaling, which has allowed me to...sleep more. The dreams weren't too interesting, so there wasn't much that I have missed apart from a brief lucid yesterday, that I couldn't access at all. I think that's fine so far.

WBTB: peppermint oil capsules

Dream1 DILD: I missed the transition. I suddenly find myself in front of my parents' place but the way it was a few years ago. I spend some time looking around, feeling happy. Then the neighborhood begins to morph into other buildings from my home town, so I stop staring at them, because I feel that I am causing the change. I check out my hands and they are in a mudra. After yesterday's discussion, I now wonder if I should try meditating in the dream or try to recall a past memory. I spend too much time in idleness and the dream escapes. I find myself in the void.

I feel that if I wake up I can successfully DEILD back. I am in the void and not back in bed yet but get confused because I feel my body? Obviously this is my dream body and some dream is starting to form, but I think that I am in my bed feeling my real body. In real life I am sleeping in my bed, but the body I feel while in the void is sitting in a chair. I am too dumb to realize that this is my dream body, get irritated with the strange position I have assumed, try to change it and lie down? I struggle in the dark. Then I wake up in another dream.

Dream2: Short FA, where I am in bed, reviewing the event and now completely sure after the dream that whatever I couldn't remember yesterday was indeed a very short LD where I didn't get much done.

I wake up (left side) for real and take key notes

Dream3: An elegant Asian woman talks about investment opportunities. She recommends that Western countries allocate 50 percent of FDI to China and the other 50 to Malaysia. This interview happens during some event. While this is happening I hear a piano playing. It is part of the melody from Mika's Grace Kelly. The sound is astonishing.

Fragment4: A classmate follows me around kissing me. While it feels pleasant I try to avoid him because I have a bf.

Fragment5: Me and a friend enter in a luxurious store where they sell toothpaste. It slowly changes and is now some kind of bar full of hookers.

Fragment6: I look into the nearby building and Christian Slater is there with more hookers having some night party

Fragment7: Me and bf, no comments

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Progress with this month's goals:

- Do 100 RCs (added)
- notice real life DS 100 times and RC (added)
- 10 proper WBTB attempts -> days (3/10)
- 10 morning RCs (1/10)
- 2 proper WILD attempts (0/2)
- task flexibility
- journal flexibility

Comments: I have been quite busy, stressed, not getting enough sleep lately, etc. so more fragments.

Dreams00: I had two interesting dreams during the night, but can't recall them at all.

WBTB: tried to WILD but it didn't work out

Fragment1: Reading posts in DV

Fragment2: In another dream, I am reading a text showing the real name of one DV member. It sounded very strange

Fragment3: some sexy stuff again....

Fragment000: There was another fragment, I can't recall it now.

Date: 27 May

Total sleep time: 9 + hrs

Pre bed: Lots of spaghetti

Sleep quality and recall: while I know that there were many long dreams , I cannot access them. Was very sleepy and it felt like deep sleep, woke up a few times naturally, but decided against any serious WBTB.

Fragment1: I am discussing dreaming quantity and mantras

Fragment2: A small white fluffy dog

Fragment3: sexy moments

Fragment4: In high school, my teacher from primary school is there and he seems angry

Fragment5: In high school again, in another room making plans with a friend of mine

Fragment6: In some place which is supposed to be my parents', I must evacuate the place because someone is after me, but I am distracted, they almost get me.

Fragment7: It is the middle of the final school year, and a friend of mine gets transferred to our class. I am very happy about that and begin to imagine how cool it will all be