NyxCC

Backlog: 5 March

Average wakefulness, I do my best to fall asleep. I get some very strong and bright visuals with a fast transition into the same room. It gives the inital impression of seeing through closed eyes. I examine my hands for a while, then get up and go to the other room. The dream ends.

I wake up, then have a couple more wildlets I can't recall.

A more coherent scene, now it looks like the dream leaves me somewhere outside on an unknown road. I pass by a small gingko tree and end up in a forest area where I address the dream and express my happiness about being here.

My mental clarity improves and I recall the task I wanted to do today - walk in a house and describe what's happening. There is a lonely tall house in the midst of all the trees and I head in its direction. It has no windows just a single old door that I try to open but cannot figure the direction. It's supposed to be pushed but there is resistance, so I decide to pull instead. It doesn't work because it is stuck. I think about our recent conversation with bemistaken how she would phase through the door, but I don't want a drastic scene change at the moment. I hold tightly the door and pull it. It looks like a door, but at the same time now also looks and peels like a large piece of wallpaper.

And surprise, surprise it reveals just another door. Ah, the typical dream bug! I briefly wonder about the feedback loop causing this and try again. I peel another door to reveal yet another door behind it. Oh, come on! I am not thinking so much about this. Got to concentrate on expecting what is behind the door, yes, it is opening to show the inside of the house. I punch a hole in the now somewhat solid door and pull/peel it to finally reveal the entrace. Yay! No more doors! I get inside. To my disappointment, it's an unpleasant looking place. A completely empty place with creepy stairs going down to the basement and up to the next floor. I start going up the stairs when the scenario worsens and see a kid rush towards the only small window in the place. It appears to be running away from something and I don't want to find out what that is. I decide this is enough for basic and head towards the window. I soon wake up.

I deild (3 more scene changes), having some fun after running out of tasks to do.

Backlog: 26 Feb

I struggle to do a wbtb, stay up around 25 mins but sleepy and fall back to sleep immediately, wake up like 1/2 hr later with no lds.

Bathroom and back to bed, focus on having an ld by holding my gaze fixed ahead behind my closed eyelids. This seems to do the trick and I appear in a new scene immediately as sleepy as I am. It's mid day in the center of an unknown European looking city. I make some movements to adjust in my dream body. There is something like a scarf obstructing my vision and I struggle to take it off. I wonder if I don't pay any attention to it if it will disappear. The DC right ahead also has a scarf and is trying to show me how to take off mine. I finally swipe it to the side like a flock of hair and pay it no more attention.

I look around thinking what task to undertake, remember three, discount the next totm although it is also possible to do here and decide to go for Percy's dare: center of the Earth. I enter a building and head down the side stairs which should lead towards the basement and ultimately the center of Earth. On my way down, the stairs transform and become much wider and made of fancy stones. Like large flat stones in a hexagonal shape. It should be dark but the walls and the stones are lit by some inner blueish light like an inside moon, which makes them even more interesting. Behind me, I briefly see that one of the DCs from the street has turned into The Thing from the fantastic four and is following me. He seems more like a companion than a menace and I'm glad he is coming with me just in case there is something else down there. I continue down the path but the dreams suddenly ends. I try a deild and briefly see a cloudy scene that looks like a continuation from what's ahead but I lack enough focus to hold on to it and fully wake up.

From 17/05

Bf wakes up for a quick bathroom visit. In the meantime, I'm trying to fall asleep and end up wilding in the bedroom. Everything is very blurry and I'm a bit surprised to be here so fast. I take a moment to examine my hand and move it around to make sure this is a dream and not HI. A little bit of trouble manoeuvring around possibly feeling minor paralysis feedback from my real body. In spite of the blurriness, it gives me the impression of an OBE, everything is the same and the light in the room is exactly the same as during that time. I head down the corridor and towards the bathroom thinking that bf will come out any moment now. He comes out and sees me, looking rather distressed and backs away. I start worrying about what he thinks he sees and me causing all this stress so I decide to wake up immediately and explain.

I wake up. Bf still hasn't come out.

Date: 21 Jan

Entry 1/2

Pre bed: 3mel

Wbtb: 1/3 latte, had trouble falling asleep (external factors)

At some point, I begin to feel energetic as has been occasionally the case, but interrupt the process by visiting the restroom. Finding a comfortable position is not easy.

WILD: Finally, I turn to my lhs and remain still for some time. Then find myself staring at this DC woman with green blouse, it feels like I'm in.

I make cautious movements, trying to get up from the same position I was sleeping, initially just move my head. A slight scene change, I am now in my old room. I begin rocking sideways, the way I did at the beginning of another ld. This makes me feel more comfortable/fit in my dream body. Then I fully get up. The dream feels slightly unstable and I head for the window, where I tear down the curtains and look outside.

It is dark as hell, no light in the apartment and not a single light in the entire town. I remember to look at the sky - it's mostly clear, a slight mist and no stars at all. I look to my right and feel a bit creeped out. It is dark there. My worry is that I might summon something by habit. I recall I wanted to and shortly do breathing exercises. The effect is very powerful, I feel lots of saturated energy coming in and as part of me.

I decide to get in and turn around, it is a bit brighter in the room. I head towards the switch and turn it on. No light. Then I concentrate on the bulb and try to make light radiate from it, there's some effect but the room does not get brighter. I imagine another lamp and try to do the same with similar results.

Maybe I can use some candles, so I summon three small blue candles and work hard to light them. I've always thought that lighting a candle should be easy in a dream, but it turns out not. I just can't imagine the fire I guess. The wicks get bigger and fluffier and the candles change to larger ones and I make some fire-like sparks with my hands, rubbing the wick, hoping it will catch fire and use the other candles to spread it. They appear to have a ghostlike fire now, but don't emit much light as I place them around. I am annoyed with my abilities, but feel that I just need to do some fire gazing irl to improve them.

I retreat to the bed and examine the furniture. There's lots of stuff around and it looks as if I am back in this room. I wonder about how accurate the proportions are. It's exactly the same size. Most of the objects belong to the particular time frame when I lived there, but there is the blanket from our current home. Then a sofa from our old place appears for my amusement. I think about doing more breathing exercises (maybe just a few breaths?, not much done or effect) and contemplate on my life while living there. In the meantime, it is a much brighter day outside, when did that happen? Cool!

At some point I notice that I am holding a melting candle in my hand and decide to extinguish it and put it aside, but somehow feel that this symbolic act means the end of the dream. Indeed, just a bit later, the dream starts to thin out.

I think I did touch on my body very briefly, but it might have been a in-dream chain.

DEILD/DILD: I eagerly wait for the next scene, wondering if it will be in the same place. I see (kind of like in third person) myself walking in bathrobe in this place. I'm in properly now and have the ability to look around and choose where I want to go. It's inside a building and I look at this open door which reveals a softly lit bedroom apartment. I briefly consider it, but prefer to go outside, so head towards the door. It seems that it is still winter, piles of semi-thawed snow and I am not properly dressed, but for once boldly go outside. I try to phase through the glass door, but it's solid so I just open it. As I pass through the back entrance of the building and yard I see that part of the yard is sunlit and feel happy about that. Maybe I will finally have the opportunity to look for a palace looking building once I get to the street. I also think about possibly being invisible, but not sure how to apply at this point.

There are different levels of the side of the building, so I have to maneuver by climbing near a balcony to manage reaching the front of the building. I see a weirdly shaped gray cat there and wonder if it is a real cat and can see me (cats are supposed to see things like people possibly obeing), but it doesn't react like it would if that were the case. It's controlled by my thoughts and comes closer. There's something not very catlike in it, like another sort of animal I can't identify. I don't want to get too involved (and have it stuck to me like a blanket) so ignore it and think about finding the palace. There are only normal buildings around and I think I need to get in the middle of the street where I would get a clearer (trees here) view of the buildings and hopefully think of or see something appropriate.

In the middle of the street and my mood is great, sun is shining brighter too. I do some sort of bounce where I float and remain mid air and then gently float up. Very pleasant feel. I come near this tree with very small bipinnate leaves (possibly closest to honey locust tree, but with thicker leaves), it looks very beautiful. I'm starting to lose height so wonder if I should use the nearby thin end of the branch to hold on to, but with the delicate tree leaves this is not going to be very nice for the tree. I prefer not to do any mess on the tree even if a dream tree.

[mood change]

In the meantime, I see two female DCs that I identify as bitches down on the street. My attention is directed at them, I want to and then do something to one of them. I briefly wonder why the hell do I have these desires with those bitches, one of them looks a bit like Rachel Weiss. Luckily, even after what I have done, I manage to control my impulse and don't get a sexy feeling. I think about my tasks again. I am now in what reminds me of my school but the building is kind of shifty/unstable. I think that maybe I should summon my dad and he will drop me off the palace. The dream fades.

Date:03 Jan

Wbtb: around 50 caffeine (latte), way too wakeful again

WILD: I finally feel as if I am not in bed anymore but somewhere else, so allow myself to look around (don't remember opening the eyes?). Yes, I am in an unknown room that has a slight resemblance to grandma's place.

At this point I recall 3 tasks and notice that there isn't a single DC here. The dream feels unstable and I recall that we talked how 501 would examine his hands in detail to anchor himself in the dream and decide to do so. I have a good look at my hands, which look quite realistic and similar to my real ones and move on to my arm where I concentrate on the fine hairs. I also remember to do the old classic stabilization where I lick my arm but with little effect. I still feel the dream slipping away and nervously walk around, thinking maybe I would try this opposite task I had in mind, but I begin to lose vision. The lower part of my vision becomes a blur and I begin to feel weightless, so conclude now isn't a good time for that particular task.

My vision gets somewhat better. I turn around and see a window, a good opportunity to get out of here. There is distinct coldness emanating from outside and I am sure it will help me freshen up and condense me back to normal. Before going out, I briefly wonder whether to bring a blanket or something, since the air is chilly. I open the window and push myself outside. In the meantime, a girl passes by carrying a blanket that she drops nearby. I ask her about her NY resolution but can't hear what she replies. The dream collapses.

DEILD: I very briefly touch on my body and concentrate on dreaming again. There's a confusing mid point dreamlet where I remain in darkness and can hear women talking around me, I keep still, waiting for the dream.

I feel a scene change, but decide I will wait a bit longer to allow the dream to fully form and maybe it will be more stable. I finally conclude it is ok to move and begin exploring. I am in my old room and can see that the voices from the previous part belong to a number of women. They are sitting on couches around a table with food and drinks as if there's some sort of party going on. A friend from school is also there.

I remember the NY resolution task and make an announcement that I would like to hear what their resolutions are. My friend says "I want some juice" and points at the table. A bit unsatisfied with the answer I move on to the next woman who looks in her forties and repeat the same question. She just stares at me with her mouth open. I wait a bit but not a single word comes out. There's another woman sitting next to her and I address her "what about your beautiful friend sitting next to you?", I feel as if I am moderating some sort of show. She says something about a friendship club in New York. I try to memorize as much as possible. The dream soon ends.

I make a quick review in mind and wonder if I should try to go back for more but really need to visit the restroom.

I also remember a fragment that I can't allocate, where I was looking at a blue/grayish backpack with something written on it by CL.

Date: 21 Dec

Natural wake: 100mg Gingko

Wbtb: 60 mg caffeine, latte

As I am staying still, relaxing, I get the familiar sense of gentle tingling or whatever, but change positions too often to allow it to deepen and possibly feel my dream body detach.

I partially recall zooming in on the beard (barely grown) of someone I know and having some thoughts about it, but was quickly pulled out of the dreamlet.

In the beginning before the wild, I vaguely recall experiencing similar physical sensations of someone trying to interact with me, but ignored them to fall asleep.

Mini-wild: I finally find myself in a dream, looking at this guy I know, there's another DC next to him as well. I try to engage in the dream, so place my hand on his head and touch the fence. This is on the street of my current place. It's quite dark and I carefully try to move, but my head is slightly constrained and I have some sort of tunnel vision (not sure if seeing with one eye or two). I manage to turn around and think about moving with super speed. Without much effort my body speeds up towards the end of the street, I take a turn and continue moving super fast on the next street. The dream quality is still bad, dark and my speed moving makes me see lots of people and items quickly coming in and out of sight. I slow down to contemplate on my goals, whereby I try to remember the exact sequence of things I wanted to do. Just as I remember, the dream falls apart and I find myself back in bed.

I am back in my real bed, aware of the true and exact position of my body, yet at the same time, I have the very physical sensation of someone touching me, trying to wake me up. I think this person also said something. The whole thing is super realistic and I begin to wonder if someone is really trying to wake me up. I ignore what's happening, but the physical feeling of there being someone and wake shaking me persists. I feel creeped out and turn over then it disappears.

Too awake now to continue sleeping.

Date: 09 Oct DV

Entry 1/3

Pre bed: 100mg B6

WbtWake: 200mg valerian

TST: 6hrs

Comment: I usually don't take valerian at times other than pre bed, but the 100mg B6 got me more awake than usual. Sleep quality wasn't very nice, but dreams were pretty vivid, long and stable.

WILD: I have a short awakening and briefly think about the previous dream, trying to turn it into a mild, but don't really review it or anything. Just think it would be a good idea to do so. I fall asleep with the intention to ld and quickly transition.

Another of those confusing moments, where it looks as if I am seeing a part of the room through my eyelids . Initially, I think, this is our bedroom, but then it's the bedroom of my first home. My dream body is also weirdly twisted, it's as if I/my dream body is supposed to be lying on my stomach, but at the same time I am twisted from the torso upwards, partially sitting and partially trying to get up. I have a couple of realization-like thoughts about relaxing, then attempt moving and eventually I am properly sitting on the bed, looking at my hands. I see them as if looking through some sort of crystal or weird glass. It's similar to a layer of liquid transparent edgy plastic-like thing imposed on my hands, kind of blurry, half of a finger is missing too.

I get up and look around, everything is mega bright and the whole atmosphere reminds me of those birthday dreams I have here. The mom of a friend of mine comes in and begins behaving menacingly. I lose my clarity for a bit, being distracted by her aggression, but then remember this is a dream and leave the room. A classmate is also here, I acknowledge him, then continue on my way to the living room.

In the meantime, I remember the TOTM to scare a kid, but these DCs obviously don't fit the description, so I go from room to room, looking for some kids. All the doors are open. Finally, I stop and shout about a little girl coming here. Soon enough, a little blond girl comes in and approaches me. She almost looks fine, but part of her face around the nose and mouth is like unfinished or at least asymmetrical. This gives me a bit of a creepy feeling. I shout something at her, like boooo or whatever, and she runs away. There is a little boy also coming from the same direction she did and I think about saying a total profanity to scare him. I decide not to and just chase him away.

Task done and I wonder what to do now. I remember AF and sit down to use the fastest tech. I make a rather quick attempt but feel the dream is stronger, so give up. I simply sit here for a while, staring in front of me, thinking about meditating.

I look to my left and notice the furniture, which I incorrectly recall is absolutely the same as irl (pretty close but not the same actually). At any rate, I remark how vividly I am seeing everything and that it is more vivid that rl. The door is open and I see this DC of a person from rl quickly approaching. I can smell trouble and sure he starts acting like a bully, very menacingly while I try to keep distance from him. The situation continues for a while with me being able to hold him far enough, while he behaves as if he is going to explode or attack me any moment. I briefly consider deactivation by allowing this to go sexy, but discard the idea. The same goes for fighting him, since I don't want to create such an association to a real life person. I am simply sitting on the floor, holding him back and trying to be as impassive as possible. There is a moment of darkness and he shortly disappears, but I can still hear him as he is now making growly sounds. Finally, I decide I've had enough of this masochistic exercise and wake up.

Early fragment: something good about a DV member and lds

Dream: me and parents are living in a street shop that is a house. The place also reminds me of a cheap hotel room. I complain about all of us having to share the toilet. I want to do the laundry before we go out. The neighborhood is very bad too.

Fragment: mom wants to play golf because she can't wait for me on fridays?

Fragment: I am examining a large bullet that has been fired already and wonder if it can be used again. Some guys are after me, I run to the top of the building.

late-WBTB&WILD: As I am falling asleep, I expect to see a scene form in the darkness and think about my hands. I appear on a dark street, make a few movements to properly get in and stabilize and then my body begins to float up. I decide to control the flight and will myself to fly up but reach a certain height maybe about two floors high and the float/flying stops and I slowly go down. I wonder why's that and try again with the intention of going to the roof of the building this time. I float up but the dream ends and I need to get up too.

Date: 03 Sept

Comment: Ok, I don't have much time and the other fragments were not very interesting, so I am just posting the WILD here.

WILD: I repeat to myself that I am going to AF and will/intend to get a vision/dreamlet. At first I see something like a corner, then another place like in front of garage, I try to make repetitive movements and reach out for the snow.

Then suddenly I see my legs, wearing blue pants. I am in. A small moment of confusion as I partially look around and think this is my room while my body begins floating by itself and phases down through the bed (I wonder if this is obe, feels like a dream though). As I try to stabilize I move my hands, legs, etc. and take a few steps and accidentally end up walking on the wall. At that point, I remember the advanced task and continue walking on the wall. I go back down and decide to start again, for a short moment, it doesn't work. I go near the corner of the room, walk a bit on the floor towards the corner, then I guess my body bends so that the wall looks a bit more like the floor and get on.

I do a quick walk on the ceiling but then notice my hair is getting over my face and in the direction of gravity and I am also wearing a white doctor's coat which makes it hard (or distracting) for me to move. I acknowledge that this is a bad idea, yet do my best to take off the coat, struggling for a bit and thinking that I am always undressing in dreams. I wonder if I should quickly make a ponytail but then decide to do nothing with the hair and just ignore it. It stops bothering me. Then I continue walking on the floor, on the wall and up the ceiling, selecting somewhat spacier areas with less furniture parts to walk on. The room is quite small and all this walking makes me feel as if I have been spinning inside of a washing machine. I feel the dream fading and am afraid that I will wake up any moment but continue to engage.

The room turns into a mix of the present and past bathrooms as I continue having fun. I can hear the neighbors being noisy and lock the door to make sure no expectation of DC will come to interrupt me. When crossing over near each corner of the room (which helps me uphold the illusion somehow), I also have the peculiar sensation that as I switch walls, I am actually making the room spin around me. I lose my concentration for a bit and the ceiling turns into the floor and I find myself in the bathtub. I go to the corner of the room to start it again but the dream finally fades.

Date: 15 June

Total sleep time: 6hrs<

Fragment1: I am sure this was lucid. Had the impression of an interesting dream that I was witnessing, the only visual I remember is some golden object. (category suspicious)

Fragment2: My friend who is not in this world anymore is alive in the dream. I get confused, accept that this is true state of things and wonder why do I always dream that she died? I decide not to tell her about it.

WBTB: 1/2 latte, lecithin and B-complex, trouble falling asleep

micro-WILD: I finally fall asleep and a scene begins to form around me. I am in my hometown, on one of the main streets. I appear in front of a guy that looks like an old friend of mine a bit. I try to stabilize and move my hands to grab the guy, but it doesn't quite work. The dream has no sound and is very unstable, I feel it slipping away. As I am going slowly back to the void/bed, I notice that voices can be heard. They sound very similar to voices of from a mystery type of ghost movie, I find them fascinating.

Recalled the dream and had some unconscious sleep, woke up and couldn't sleep anymore.

Not included in off. count

Our guests woke me up again, I spent about an hour trying to fall asleep, my mind was way too awake, and when I finally fell asleep I got into some WILD/OBE thing where I couldn’t move much.

Total sleep time: 6 hrs

HI dreamlet1: Some woman, her face was colored black with something like tar. She lives in the woods, in a hole under the trees. A scary story begins about the holes in the woods.

HI dreamlet2: I am an unknown street most likely in my home town, have different hairstyle

Dream3 WILD/OBE: I am in my hometown again, in front of me are my guests. I am looking at my hands, some blue pink ghost like double layer is also visible. My hands quickly stretch out, a familiar feeling, they stretch into infinity, space bends and the whole of me is quickly sucked forward. I also feel my dream body detaching. A short moment of darkness follows and then I find myself on our old balcony. It is dark, there is some light perhaps from the moon. I immediately notice my position and feel my dream body. Instead of my feet being on the floor of the balcony, my midsection is where the floor is and my feet are below it. Don’t feel the floor, I notice that my position and state is somewhat similar to when I sometimes meditate – I am physically sitting, but feel the rest of my body is standing. I decide not to pay too much attention to that because I have to stabilize. I run my fingers over the surface of the balcony, very realistic. Everything is rather clear, but I can’t move my legs. I try to but I can’t.

I decide that perhaps I should give my dream body some more time to adapt to the dream. I start rubbing my hands, now my elbows barely move! I decide to wait a bit, but black out for a second, then I am back to the dream still no improvement. I force my limbs to move, and I can feel a great force on them preventing them from moving. I try touching the wall again with my fingertips, but it doesn’t help. I look to my side, towards the end of the balcony and see many plants there, it looks like a small jungle, it is dark and there is a dark hole between the plants. Now, it is definitely not the time to expect something scary to come out of there, I tell myself. I try to be indifferent about it. I then notice that a song is playing “give me my love, give me my love”, a nice song, but then it gets stuck, the same part plays over and over again. I wake up.

Comments and Analysis: I was worried after waking up that I have finally managed to mess myself up and instead of having normal LDs, the more time I spend in the void, the more aware I become of my falling asleep and will begin to get stuck more in the middle. I really hope not! Now, I feel relaxed about the situation, but am sure I will be getting more experiences where I would need to remain calm.

The stretching hands and being pulled forward (not just the two bodies separating) experience plus ghost like layer is something I have seen before and I kind of relate to OBE types of experiences (if these can be differentiated from WILD). I can only say it is a different feeling altogether.

Such continuous dream paralysis is not something completely new, but the only memories I have of it are when I was a very young. I don’t remember getting stuck in the middle of a floor ever.

Some explantion why this happened: I am thinking that the longer time spent in WBTB, the more my mind is aware of my physical body. If I WBTB for 5 min, then I would transition to the dream much faster. An alternative explanation is that I am being increasingly aware of the void and this somehow affects me.

Future strategy: I really have to write a few key words on a piece of paper so that I don’t forget. 1. Patience and detachment. I didn’t panic today, but the situation could have been different. 2. Rubbing hands 3. Try zooming into something else or 4. Try floating up?