Xanous' Dream Journal

#378 - DEILD - 4:54AM (1 of 2)

I am at work and I use my laptop on the production floor. It keep playing video loudly and I have to click them away. Break time comes and I kick back in the break room to try to WILD. I feel floaty and strange like usual this brings my awareness back and I wake slightly.

I realize that I failed my WILD so I go into DEILD mode. I have general SP issues and trouble getting out of it. Eventually I roll over and have some kinky sexy time with the wife just get the dream going. It wasn't really a sex dream but it was fun. After a minute or two of that I get up and turn to the door. My wife says, "Ok. You go have your lucid dream now." I smile not looking back and walk out of the bedroom.

As I try to make it to the front door the room stretches making it farther away. I feel immobile and have some trouble seeing. My physical eyes open but I close them right away and DEILD.

I imagine being at the front door feeling the floor with my hands. I am surprised that I can feel something right away. I expect to feel the hardwood but it feels something like groutless tile; the kind at the grocery store that gets waxed. I notice some gritty feel like dirt.

My vision returns and I see the door mat that we keep inside. I smile and stand up quickly reaching for the door knob. The basic TOTM is on my mind and when I step outside I look for a pile of leaves. There are two bushes on each side of the porch steps in waking life but here in the dream one of them is the pile of leaves I am looking for. I walk to the edge of the concrete and turn around. I put my hands out and fall back into the leaves. I hear a loud, dry leaf sound... CHISSHSH. As the leaves disperse, I feel and see a dry dead bush appear. I land softly and slide on my back several feet as I hear something like the sound of a buzzing bee hive.. BUZZZZZZZZ. I recognize this sound from one of my son's toys as I wake up.

#362 - DEILD - 4:14AM

WBTB was tough! I tried staying up longer but only made it 5 or 10 minutes. I was super tired and didn't bother trying to WILD hoping to ride the galantamine out later in a DILD or DEILD.

I wake from a non-lucid dream about putting up Christmas decorations in my old house. There are multiple people from parts of my life that don't mess. I feel confused and unsure what to do.

I roll over throwing and arm up but it puts me in awkward position. I hit vibrations almost right away but I feel so uncomfortable at the same. I try to tough it out knowing that if I can get past this I wont even feel my physical body. I eventually have to break out of it and adjust myself.

After a few minutes, vibrations start up again and I spend a lot of time trying to break into the dream. The paralysis is strong and I can't seem to transfer over to my dream body. All I can manage is some wiggling motions at first. Several minutes later I start making it out blind and can only feel along the wall and them get slammed back in my body.

Much later I make it outside though I'm still a little unstable. I recall that I have been missing the feel of the air when I step out in my lucids so I check it. It feels really cold outside. Too cold for comfort. I shift my attention away from it and I notice it no more. I remember my goal is three part; find Robin Williams, ask for my fortune cookie, and make a patronus. I begin searching for Robin and I see a red SUV parked on the street. I punch the window and make a fist-sized hole but it really hurt and my hand didn't go through like I expected. I pause looking at my hand. "OUCH!" I shake away the pain and just open the car door. There's is a woman in a tan business suit at the wheel but she seems really drunk and disoriented. I shake her and she is barely able to look at before passing out. I cop a feel of her right breast before I walk away.

I see other cars down the street with head lights on. One turns off and I get a direct hit from the lights blinding me. This disorients me and the dream crashes. I think I might DEILD but the thought of all that effort made me just roll over and give up for now.

I have a short dream where I have been awake all night and I fret about the lost of sleep. I try to lay down on a pallet in the floor. I keep looking at my phone and the alarm clock and the times don't match. They distort and become blurry. I fail to catch this dream sign and worry about school and wonder if I did all my homework. I remember I did my math but I feel like I missed something. Then I think I am not in high school any more. I tell my self that I went back to college. My son wakes and my wife comes in the room. I have the blanket over my head. She pats me and asks if I am ok. I say I feel sick. I decide to stay home with my son and finish my homework. I think I can go to bed when she gets off work.

I wake up and DEILD. Almost instantly, I get strong HI of young Audrey Hepburn. I latch on to that and soon I feel pressure in my hands and I see her face close to mine. Everything is unrealistic and she looks more like a still photograph than anything.



I begin to dance with her hoping that the motion to will draw me deeper into the dream. I begin to hear Louis Armstrong - A Kiss to Build a Dream On in my mind. We sway and spin to the music. At some point I stop feeling like I am in bed and more like I am actually standing and dancing but not all the way. For now I just enjoy dancing with Audrey. I try looking around but all I can see is darkness and shadow around me. I try to just focus in her face and the feeling of movement. Then I begin to hum with the words of the song. It sounds like I am really humming and I worry that my wife can hear me. Then I wonder if I should have felt vibes or if I need to (its just noise dumbass). Too much of the wrong thinking shatters the dream and I become fully awake.

I am not sure why she came to mind but the feeling afterwards was like her ghost visited me. I doubt it but that was the feeling. I probably won't add this one to my count but it was still a really cool experience.

5:50AM - DEILD - 2 of 2

I wake naturally from a dream a few minutes before the alarm. I don't move keep a clear mind and relax my body. I feel the change and reach out with my mind. I get instant vibrations but before I can transition out of body a dream scene envelopes me.

I am walking down a street with a version of my mom next to me. I see a pop up screen before my face and my mom immediately says, "Your subconscious has been locked out. (of this dream). You'll need to pay to get it back." The pop up shows a dollar amount of $7.99 and some text. I am crestfallen and I ask my mom, "But how am I dreaming now?"
"It's just your ego.", is her only reply. I totally believe all of this and know that money is useless in a dream. I'll have to pay later. I allow the dream to continue non-lucid.

With that out of the way we walk down the street together and I point out a couple of rows of plant growing out of the asphalt. It seems that someone planted them there like a garden. The alarm goes off and I wake up.

WBTB 3:30AM
Strong Mugwort Tea
4:00AM

MILD

I am working for my old boss. We wants us to stay late. F is telling me about it. I tell F, "Well eff him. I am not staying any later." I turn around and see my boss. Busted. He looks at me and says something about how he just wanted every one to go to the amusement park and pick up a form so that the company can let us have the day off at the park tomorrow. "Whatever, I don't care about that. I don't even want to go. It's 3:30 and I am going home."

I still feel a little pissed and find F. I ask him if he is going to the park. He says yes. I decide maybe I will go. I don't understand why I have to get a form but a free day off work sounds really good.

I arrive at some place in the country. There is a black leather fainting couch with wagon wheels on it. I lye down and it takes me on a dirt path on it own volition. I slow travel through a peaceful country setting and I feel contented to take it all in.

Soon I arrive at a booth. I ask the lady for a form and she promptly hands me one. I ask her how I leave and she points to another wheeled fainting couch. I lay down and it takes me back. It travels very quickly this time and I feel myself surge forward.

I phone rings. I look and the words are distorted but I see my wife's picture. I can't remember what we talk about. But I realize that during the conversation I was transported to where she is. I feel like I am in a lying potion but I seem to be standing. She is on a small a bed with our son and a gray cat. I recognize it as the stray we temporarily took in last year. I point and yell, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT CAT?!"

She calmly replies, "We found him and you said we can keep him."

Finally I realize this is a dream. I feel half awake now. I feel myself in my bed but still totally immersed in the dream. I ask my wife, "This is a dream isn't it?"

"Of course it is, babe."

I feel like I am waking up so I relax for DEILD. I get vibrations and I hastily get out of bed. I am standing in my room blind. I am trying to take it slow and be patient but I am frustrated. I remember something I read about surging forward in the void until a dream forms. I do just that.

I feel myself phase through the bedroom door and an exterior wall. I wasn't even considering that. I feel the G forces and the speed of my body as I go into warp speed. I can see a bright light from behind closed eye lids. I try to see a scene form but I feel myself destabilize.I get brief vibrations and then I wake up. Maybe that was the wrong time for this. I try to DEILD but the urge to enter this in my DJ was too great.

Woke up at 4AM to WBTB Moved to recliner SSILD - No Aids

#131 - The Neighbor's House -DEILD 5:01AM

I wake up from a NLD. Have a really hard remembering the dream. A part of me thinks that I woke up here in a lucid FA. I am not sure. I move a little and get comfortable. The I decide to just forget the dream and DEILD. I get the vibrations almost immediately. It comes slow at first and then gains intensity. I have to admit and I am really excited at this point and I know this stage can make or break the LD. Instead of trying to visualize a place or scene, I go for a OBE style LD and hurriedly get out of the recliner and rush outside. I felt a little sluggish at first but the transition was pretty smooth.

I go into the yard and for some reason look in the sky. I think its real life habit coming out. The sky is dimly lit and cloudy. The clouds look like gray and black marble. I find it really pretty and admire it for a while. The only problem is that I seem to look moving my head wildly back and forth and not able to hold still.

I look at the ground to stabilize. I realize I didn't think of a goal before hand. (I was so unprepared for this LD) I had to really rack my brain to think of a TOTM. I remember flower and start searching the grass. I pluck a piece of grass and start to will it to be a flower. Then I remember that one is already done. I think really hard. I remember the clock but I am outside and don't feel like looking for a clock. Erase major element! I realize that I had wondered over towards the neighbor's yard so I started looking around for something to erase. I wasn't about to mess with my own stuff! I see his red car. Not enough. I see the houses across the street. Too much. I look back at the neighbors house. Ha! Ill erase his house! Then, I notice the dream world getting darker except for the house. The color seems way to bright and vivid like bad Technicolor. A car passes behind me and for a brief moment everything is lit up and normal. I don't want to fall to darkness so I ask the dream for light. I look and and yell "Lights! I need lights here please." I notice how strange my voice sounds hollow and echoes. Nothing happens so I try again. I clap at the sky and yell "LIGHTS!" The sensation on my hand is strange. Still nothing so I give up.I focus on my neighbors house once again. I put a hand up over my line of sight so that it looks like I have my hand above it. The idea was to just wipe the house away like and eraser on a chalkboard. At that moment the world goes completely dark. I think I am waking up. I forget all of my void/DEILD tricks and give up on the dream. After a few seconds I am fooled by a FA

I wake up and notice thats its late morning and the light from the windows is bright. I notice how my dream clock is usually close to waking time. I guess I was off this time. (Doh! I missed that one!) I see a pile of cat vomit on the floor and it looks like cornbread stuffing. I see Stella, my cat, is next to it. I am so pissed that I slap her head. She is not phased by it. I backhand her in the head really hard but she just looks at me. I find this really odd but don't think it through (missed another one ) I see some familiar DC in the kitchen cleaning. I start bitching about the cats and go help clean. I wake up.

Bedtime 10:30p – 8:30a

1) 1:45a Playing some sudoku like board game with Jess and Megan at our house. I walk into the living room and there are red Christmas lights everywhere. I continue the game on my phone like it was words with friends or something. I also think to play my old supervisor.

I move to recliner and begin attempting WILD. After each NLD I quickly record what I remember on my phone app and resume WILD.

2) 3:29a find myself in SP. I try something a little different to enter the dream. I force myself in a rush to get up out of the recliner. I feel my dream body stumble and fall and then I re-enter SP. This time I relax too much. I have a false awakening.

I have the laptop on my chest and the recliner feels like it is reclining way too far back. I am still trying to WILD. I ear the alarm clock distantly in the bedroom. I wonder how it is 6:00 already. I expect my wife to come looking for me and sure enough I hear her walk in the living room. I just lie still because I really don't want to ruin my WILD. I figure she will just see me asleep and leave. But the computer is on my chest and on. I think she will see a post by RareCola and read it.

Then, I hear her say. “You're going to kill yourself with that.”
I give up my charade. “What?” I look at her as she is going back to the bedroom.
“I said your going to kill yourself.”

I get up because originally I had planned to get up with her at 6 and stay up for 30min and then WILD.
I notice the recliner is turned wrong but when I go to move it there is another recliner in its place but it is a darker brown. The other recline shrinks and slides next the the strange one. I then walk into a strange kitchen. I wake up.

Another SP episode from DEILD. This time I know that I just need to visualize a dream scene and I will enter. For some reason I get too excite and SP fades.

3)4:38a I plant some sort of seed in the crack in the back deck. They are round and small but I don't know what it is. I water is. The water hose floods the area. Then I have another FA. I look next to me and see Janna sitting on the couch. She has marijuana seeds. She tells me she gave a seed to some kids and is worried they will get in trouble. I tell her they probably won't plant it. I go to use my phone app to record the planting dream and I realize “This isn't real”

I wake up briefly

4)I am now watching Johnny Bravo through my window on a TV in my neighbors yard. Then I FA and I am back in my recliner. I feel like I am holding a remote. But wake for real and see I am not.

5)4:42a I am in the recliner. I see Travis and tell him about the fake picture I sent him. He say, “Dude I don't know how those pictures of me get posted.” I explain to him that it was just a look alike with a tramp stamp. He changes the subject.

6)5:28a *LUCID*

For whatever reason I am driving with my wife and another guy was with us sitting in the back but he never says anything. We go down towards my job. It is late in the morning and I decide to just take vacation. I pull into the parking lot. And I tell my wife maybe I should just call it in instead of going in to ask for vacation. Then I notice the time on the car's clock. It is 8:38AM and I realize I can't ask for vacation after 8. So I decide just to use the call in line and not have a vacation day.

Suddenly we are inside in an office. My wife is at a desk typing on a computer. The guy is sitting several feet behind her watching the computer screen. He is behaving like a silent observer. Ignore him completely. I am on the floor putting my shoes on. As I am getting the last shoe on I remember to pay attention to my awareness like I do in RL. I think to myself, “I am dreaming.” But I didn't mean anything. Then it dawns on me. “I AM dreaming!”

I don't have my shoe on but I know it doesn't matter. I look around. I remember to stay calm. I try to focus on various office supplies on the desk. I see things like a coffee mug with pens and pencils in it. Then I look my my wife and see the guy in peripheral vision. I never really look at the guy. Maybe he will be my dream guide. Too bad I forgot to think of that. Anyway I know neither one matters and talking to them at this point would be a waste. They are just DCs.

I stand up and turn around. I see a door that is partially open. It is the only way out of the small room. I briefly remember that if I ever become lucid at work I would have fun with it and do the things I couldn't do in RL. I rush for the door and expect to see the production floor.

I open it and instead... The room I was in is at the end of a long hallway full of doors. Each door goes to a different office. "OK fine. Stay calm. Focus. You are dreaming. Keep awareness." I walk down the hallway and pop into random offices. The walls are wood paneled and with no decor. The doors are those cheap hollow wood doors. They are unpainted and stained a very dark brown. I don't notice the flooring. The color scheme is very bland and boring. All the offices are empty. There are no people anywere. "Ok strange but not that strange for a dream." I hear a phone ring once. I walk into an office room that I thought it came from. I see a desk with computer and a phone that is off the hook. There are a few papers scattered on the desk. I pick the phone up and put it to my ear. I hear nothing so I press zero. I hear a short ring and then, a young woman's voice answers, “Student services.” I think it's odd so I don't say anything. I press the hook with my finger to hang up. I don't hear a dial tone. So I just lay the phone back where it was. I can hear her voice but distantly, “Hello?” The sound of it is as you would expect for a phone away from your ear. I am a little impressed with my subconscious at how vivid the dream is.

I continue down the hall. Now I am looking at double glass doors. It looks really dark outside and I can't see anything beyond the glass. I want to break glass so I rush at it. I can hear my footsteps like I am wearing boots on concrete and I actually feel the impact of my feet on the floor. I note this is really cool for a dream.

I dive head first for the glass but it is soft and doesn't break. I feel my head got stuck. It feels like a wall of Jello. Of course, the natural reaction is to close your eyes. I feel the dream fading. I don't want to lose it so I back out. I re-stabilize myself by looking at the glass doors and focusing. “OK fine. I just want to leave here its boring.” I slowly push the doors with my right hand. There is no sensation and its like the glass is gone but then the door opens and I am looking at the next set of doors. I feel a little frustrated that glass doors are keeping me in this building. I almost feel trapped but I am determined. "Maybe dreams are like being a ghost in the movie Betelgeuse. You can never leave the building. No that's a stupid thought. This is my dream." I push the next doors slowly open.

Then I am immediately engulfed in darkness. I feel myself wanting to wake up. I begin rubbing my hands together. I can feel the friction and heat. It is almost painful. So I stop and clasp my hands together. I am still in the dark void and I think, "Maybe I am awake and I was really doing that with my hands. No, I don't believe it." Then I realize that I in darkness because I just have my dream eyes closed. I slowly open them but cautious not to open my waking eyes. For a moment I am confused because my eyes felt so real. "Am I opening my waking eyes?" So. I only open then halfway. I see that I am at the driver side door of a Grey truck. I decide its safe and I open my eyes fully now. I notice It's not very clear or vivid. The dream quality not as good as it should be. except for my sense of touch. I touch the glass of the door. Solid and feels real. I slap at it a little and am surprised that it sounded normal and I could feel the impact on my hands. Then for some reason I am abruptly jolted awake. I think I heard a noise in the house. It was storming.


7) 8:24a I am going with some people to a house I own. I am renovating and selling. I see a bunch of low class scummy people on the porch. I see a shirtless fat man. His checks hang down real low and he pushes his man boobs together. Somehow it all looks like a giant ball sack. I feel disgusted. I loudly tell someone I don't know how I will ever sale this house will all these kind of people around. I enter the house and the floors are still dusty from sanding the hardwood. There is a little girl there and I kindly ask her to go outside. I wake up.