false awakening

i had a very stable lucid dream just now, felt like it lasted hours, very vivid, very realistic. to me this is the biggest achievement bc i integrated all the methods i learned- hand checking, expectation, stabilizing, repeating it's a dream, etc... and it worked wtf!!!

ok so first i was getting into heroin (which is bc before i fell asleep i watched this documentary about how meth is an epidemic in sf for gay men- guess i just changed it to heroin). i injected myself for the first time and felt a rush. then i had to walk to my house. on the way though, everything got weird, fast. suddenly i noticed there was a lot of commotion and flashing lights and people running. it was bright daylight and i felt so good bc i was high so i almost didn't care. in fact i actually didnt care bc i was on the phone with ashley and i was telling her all this random shit about how gay people had more rights now and that i finally saw '21 and over' and couldnt stop quoting it (which really isnt true). while i was on the phone, sam b from scu was on my street and he looked at me and motioned with his hands and he was like 'there is an accident!' or something. i actually ignored him bc i sort of forgot he said that in the dream

eventually eric from scu came and said there is an accident and i was freaking out this time and i thought it was my fault but eric wouldnt give any details. i piggy back rode on his back to my house wtf and then at my house i had all my prep stuff and supplies and injected myself with more heroin and was in this heavy delirium and it was almost so intense that i thought i was going to explode or something. i looked out my window and saw an almost transparent reflection- a heavily armed man with a helmet and all this gear and camo aiming a huge gun straight at me. i heard 2 shots (not really loud like a real gun?) fired and i was crouching low under the window.

at that moment i realized that mom was going to come home from work soon and i had all this drug shit out. i also realized that if the cops came to save me or something i was screwed bc i had the paraphenelia. so i quickly tried to fix it but i was noddin off from the h. false awakening: mom came into my room. she didnt notice the stuff tho, bc i kind of put shit on top of it to cover it. but i started crying and hugged her so tight bc i was freakin out bc there was a guy aiming a gun at my window. mom started hugging me too but it was really tight and suddenly she was chocking me around the neck with her "hug". i literally couldnt breathe (felt like) and i was trying to stay "stop" but it was so hard. she finally stopped and left.

i had to figure out why the gunman was there. i found a bunch of journals in my room that were mom's. they were heavily detailed, there were lots of drawings she made of architecture and random scribbling notes all over it. mom can't draw but the drawings were actually very good. i tried to look and see if the drawings were her or printed from a publisher onto the pg, and it required me to analyze the pages really hard and the images are fresh in my head of the renderings. it was hard to tell whether she drew in it. but there was a lot of writing about John Baptist the Third, whoever that is. Mom suddenly came into my room and said we need to go, we need to escape. so i followed her and i was like mom wtf is going on and she wouldnt really tell me and i was like MOM WHO IS JOHN BAPTIST THE III? and she was like 'natalie. i'm the mother of john baptist the iii" and i was like "is that our cousin jonny??" and she was like "no, its the prominent mormon leader. im the most educated person on the topic in the world" and i was like "ARE YOU MORMON??" and she was like "oh god no" and then i realized WTF this is absurd. i realized it had to be a dream. i was like "MOM this is a fcking dream and that's not true!" and mom was like "no it isnt" and i was like "OH YA? lemme prove it!! can i FLY in real life?" and i flew and then she was just like indifferent.

i went home so i could do some lucid shit. i decided to stare at stuff and make it morph. i had this cubical shot class and i looked at each side and made the image on it change to wat i wanted. i chose pokemon and a bunny. then i decided to let my dream choose the sides. each time i turned it there was this elaborate neon pattern.

then the dream switched to me being in a car with casey and some guy. i still knew it was lucid tho. the dude gave me a mint and i dont like chocolate mint so i wanted a snickers so i just expected a snickers and it was! more affirmation that its a dream. when we got to casey's house, there was about to b this huge reception or something. it was a pretty nice house. i was in the living room and alex came in. i was like "dude idk im stuck in this dream and i cant really get out (bc i had tried to wake up earlier bc the gunman was so fkin scary but i kept wakin up to mom like i mentioned). he was like "this isnt a dream nat" and i just started floating to prove it. i was like "u wanna fly too?" and he was like "well ... damn ok ya sure" and then we just kinda flew around the house together and had this good sibling connection for a sec. then i went straight to the back door (where all the guests were coming in) and wanted to mess with them bc i knew it wouldnt matter bc its just a dream. ryan n zach dp were there and i flew straight up close to their faces and was like yelling random shit like "goobideegooo blaaa!!!" and they were all confused lol.

then the guests started leaving and i wandered outside and noticed a huge board of artwork. it was actually the most interesting art ever like i dont even know how my mind could come up with such beautiful things... it was like random images but sort of abstract with dark outlines and not proportional (a poodle, among other non-coherent images). i stared super hard and close in awe of my dream's capability to come up with such beautiful things. i decided it was time to wake up bc i was done with this dream. it was exhausting.

i went into the living room and casey was like 'i cant take you home bc we have guests still' the guests were a few ppl including this kinda creepy ish black guy. they would NOT let me go home and i was like ok fine ill just do some crazy lucid shit. the black guy tried to have sex with me right there in the living room and at first i was reluctant but then i was like oh well w/e its a dream ill do it and see how it is. his teeth had like gaps, just tiny ones in between each tooth. he wasnt really good looking and he definately was older but whatever i just tried to b attracted. the sex was actually really good and i tried to focus on the feeling of it in the dream and see how realistic it was. it really did feel realistic but also felt a bit different- almost like a different kind of pleasure or something.

then i went home and had a couple more false awakenings. i was frustrated bc i really really wanted to wake up. each time i woke up i had to make sure the heroin was gone. the last false awakening i realized it didnt matter bc i was in a dream.


DAYUMMM crazy fuckin dream. the craziest part was how DETAILED it was like all the writing and art i looked at.

me and hailey m and some other people were at this huge convention in the woods and there was a huge auditorium and a big screen with all these images and an audience. i was surprised to see hailey bc she was pregnant with triplets. we became friends in the dream. she was a welcoming cousin, just like i guess i always subconsciously wanted her to be (since she always is my friend in my dreams). i remember there was this fundraising bucket with money in it. i took over 10 dollars and didn't tell anyone.

to get out of the woods, we had to walk bc cars weren't allowed. it sucked, there were prickly things everywhere and large animals. we ended up in some lady's boat house and stole a lot of food while she was looking.

then the dream switches to "uc irvine". but it was a dream version, super unrealistic. VERY vivid (maybe bc i took dream enhancer vitamins last night). i was in this room conversing with a lot of people. matt was there and i was so happy for him bc it was his first day at school and he seemed like he was having a great time with lots of friends.

i look over, and what do you know? hes banging this girl in public IN FRONT OF ME and he looks at me and looks sort of guilty but keeps going. i was so hurt that i ran away. but first i said some passionate speech to him and he was like sorry sorry. but it did't make me feel better.

the rest of the dream was me wandering the irvine halls looking for matt. my logic was fucked bc i knew he didn't care about me bc of what he did, but i love him so much that i was kind of unaware of the girl he banged like half the time. such a sad dream

LUCID: in the dream i kept staring at my hands and i knew it was a dream but it was so damn vivid it was ridiculous. i was really tripped out. but then my fingers were regular 5 digits, so i thought i wasn't in the dream anymore. that happened right before i was done figuring out what i wanted to happen in my lucid dream. unfortunately i was stuck, also, bc i have no plan of what i want to happen in my lucid dreams. gotta do that.