elevatedthought

i gotta start logging my dreams again. have had some crazy ones.

in this one i could steal cars and speed and hit cars and steal money and shit just like GTA but in real life but it didnt have any repurcussions. i was like a drug dealer or involved in some shady business but it wasnt unethical bc it didnt hurt anyone or anything bc like i say, there were no consequences for all that stuff.

i danced with james b and he spun me around so hard that my skirt went up and i was embarrassed bc everyone saw my american flag underwear. and then there was this weird part of the dream where alex m and i think alex n. were trying to have an orgy with me. n me n maggie kept meeting up at this parking lot late at night bc it was just "the hangout place" like the sherman sort of but way more hard core.

had a dream mom got a chupacabra... i worked at a store like luckys... maggie evijan were all there oh and jordan n em... evijan touched me n i was like no. chupacabra kind of hated me n bit me a lot. but then we lost it at one point in bed... i realized it was snuggling right between my legs. it was tryna freak me out. it was pretty cute tho. i took lots of instagram pics bc it was so unique... we were on our way to some weird festival like EDC... i saw some ppl there, it was just chaotic. the festival was at the intersection where i had my car crash...

was attacking me and i exploded finally at the end i was like i fucking hate you and your cat made me bleed and now i'm gonna have rabies. and i was really concerned that i had rabies the whole dream and needed a tetnis shot, but i couldn't get one bc i was supposed to go to hawaii in like 4 hours but i hadnt packed. my dad was pretty chill but alex n cindy n mom were just crazy and didnt realize there was a demon cat that literally attacked me and wanted to kill me like every 2 seconds. i kept slapping the damn cat but it was relentless

i was at some hotel bc i was gathering with a bunch of people for 2 funerals, one was katies mom and the other was matt's grandma. there was a russian boy there that i was interested in . he was really into BALOONS. they were his love, but only in drawings and he liked to draw balloons. at one point we hooked up. dunno the kid but looked like the russian kid in diversity class.

anyway i realized i was lucid. immediately flew away from the people (it was night) and into this private room with a fountain and a huge fish on display in a tank. it was beautiful and huge bay windows.

i knew exactly what i wanted to do in the dream bc i thought about what i would do if i were lucid again before i fell asleep. i wanted to see ozzy and talk to him. i looked out the window and tried to expect him to be there. suddenly it was day and there was construction going on. i imagined him in his beanie and then i just saw a guy in a beanie. then i was like NOO expect ozzy expect ozzy. then a latino rounded the corner. dammit but close both times.

i remember opening a door and trying to see ozzy on the other side. it just wasnt working. i think i lost focus on whether i was dreaming or not bc some kids ran in the room and distracted me. i kicked them out.

also had a false awakening.

Lucid for hours, felt like

Kept checking hand consistently throughout the whole thing.

realized i was in a dream bc i did the pinching the nose and breathing air technique. i did that instead of the hand thing bc i was with my family and didnt want them to think i was a freak staring at my hands. but then when i could breath in, i checked my hands as well. yup its a dream

I lived in a different house it was sort of a city-country type feel. I wanted to show mom really bad that it was lucid and I got really excited and said I could fly. It took me a while I had to go in a different room. Look at my hands alone. Then sit cross –legged on the floor and kind of meditate. Then I could fly if I tried really hard. I showed mom and she was laughing and happy when I flew in.

Then I kind of got stuck just flying in the house. I really wanted to fly outside. I finally managed to do that. I flew out and flew to this random building. It was super high and not very nice. Flew past all the windows, saw people sleeping in their beds (it was super early in the AM), saw people’s homes. Went into one empty bedroom. Found a suitcase. Opened it to see what was inside, interested in my dream’s surprises. LOTS of money, bills and bills rolled in there. Grabbed a handful of fifties. Random giftcard in there. Wanted some hundreds, expected it, found it. I took all the money planning to go on a spending spree for lucid fun.

I stared at my hands a lot for fun. I couldn’t stop counting them bc it was so weird and interesting and kept reaffirming that I was dreaming. I could think very clearly. Was scared I would wake up bc of the thinking clearly but I didn’t. I noticed the architecture around the room- there were weird, roman looking tables that mom had got and they had diagonal marble designs all around them.

I was playing with Trevor and Jackson in the dream, who were in the house. I tried to make Trevor (or Jackson) levitate, I don’t think it worked.

At another point in the dream this guy was like a conducter for the whole city, he made everyone go “uuuuuuuuum ah’ or something and the whole city was humming like that. Alex was like ‘we will find our lost cat this way’ bc apparently the noise was like a racecar and would scare all the cats out.

I was in my room a lot, looking around and out the window. Window to countryside and grass. Room was very cute. Mom was in her striped pjs. Trippin on my hands is so interesting…

another of my friends was being tied up naked in a room with a guy in all black with a mask with only a hole for eyes and mouth and nose who was going to rape them. i remember the black leather tight on their skin, constricting the bare flesh. vivid. i couldnt stop it from happening. wasn't very emotional but hyper realistic visual details.

also was semi lucid trying to break through. was flying and knew that it was lucid but kind of didnt cognize it fully

so many other dreams failed to write...too many details to write

bo jonnsonn was there and amelia was embarrassing me by E.M.O. in front of bo. i think it was bo who said that cipro antibiotic makes pleasure more extreme, so i was excited.
alex tried to spice up his life and was doing all these random things like painting and activities that only exist in the dreamworld..

and im procrastinating.
but my dreams have tended to be absolutely bizarre and slightly negative lately.
i have had a number of "trying to wake up really hard but i can't" dreams. and false awakenings.
i also am really aggressive in a lot of dreams, like the one i had with matt when he randomly visited me and i was all pissed bc he shouldnt break our vow to not talk, but then after i felt really bad about it bc i was a bitch. and also the one where i was pissed at alex for prompting me to go to AA. OH SHIT and i had this marathon dream where i was literally a homeless boy and i was like ... ok it's way too complicated to even begin to describe but it involved this surreal video game type car thing like the rainbow infinity level in mario where u drive that little cart around on the rainbow lane and its so easy to fall off and if u do u fall in space, which is all in the background. basically i was pissed at amanda in that dream too, she's still in my dreams often and still as weird as ever in them

i am lovin the surreality (which is the art i'm studying in art history, probably prompting it) bc its fukin bizarre and interesting and outta this worldddd yo

barely lucid lately. slight moments mainly with flying.

i really should not be writing this bc of my final in several hours but this ones pretty damn weird....

so me alex mom and mom's whole side of the family were on vacation in hawaii. alex me and the clot boys were playing a super smash bros type game or some videogame. they were drinking and alex had straight up vodka and was drunk, which never happens in real life so it was weird. anyway so jeff was drunk too and he was like trying to do something weird with this box of wine that involved carrying it and throwing it really hard. to make it easier for the person who had to complete that task, he shook the box and broke all the bottles n i guess that made it better i dont fukin know. so then alex goes to grab the box and throw it, but i was like "wait but theres broken glass sticking out of that!!!" but he didnt care bc he was drunk and then he picked it up and then it fell on top of his hand.

alex looked with a horrified look at this forearm- it was broken off, his hand was gone, and there was this little plastic knob like barbies have when u break off their head. i thought that was weird but nonetheless we all were horrified for a moment and didnt know what to do and mom was screaming oh and joanie was there and then i was like WE NEED TO GO TO THE ER!! NOW and i randomly just pulled this fire alarm and i guess we happened to be in a hospital, such a subtle convenient dream switch, and rushed him over.

in the end he was fine but idk if his arm was broken off. dad told him he needs to go to AA. i was pissed bc Dad forced me to go bc mom and dad thought it would be "inevitable" so i might as well go with him. i was pissed at alex for doing that to me. they gave me an AA schedule for the week and said i need to go once a week. i freaked out and was like "IM NOT GONNA LEARN ANYTHING I HAVENT ALREADY LEARNED IV BEEN TO THOUSANDS OF FUCKIN MTGS!" and basically just went off on this tirade about how i dont need it and blablabla.

i think i lost that fight. then there was this whole portion of the dream where i wanted ranch and ketchup for this mass in n out fries order for the whole fam. i found ranch in the kitchen and was worried about the expiration date bc it looked gross but it said "expires 2064" on it so i was like damn i guess its new n fresh. i was mad that i didnt think to ask the person that ordered in n out for extra sauce... but in the end i made it work.

ari was also in the dream and she was trying to find me a swimsuit from her collection or something.

had a dream this white haired girl showed us this movie that you watch and you get sucked into the movie and in this alter reality. we went to this roman colloseum where they used to sic lions on eachother,l in the movie thing and we were looking down on it from bird's eye perspective and the air and sky were dark purple. it was pretty sick when i got sucked into it- like i was hurdling through time n space. jen kept calling me saying come to the campbell bars and i told her no bc "i could do that whenever". the white haired girl was drunk the whole damn time like days of drinking. but she was probably the chillest girl ever, super sweet.

i had a very stable lucid dream just now, felt like it lasted hours, very vivid, very realistic. to me this is the biggest achievement bc i integrated all the methods i learned- hand checking, expectation, stabilizing, repeating it's a dream, etc... and it worked wtf!!!

ok so first i was getting into heroin (which is bc before i fell asleep i watched this documentary about how meth is an epidemic in sf for gay men- guess i just changed it to heroin). i injected myself for the first time and felt a rush. then i had to walk to my house. on the way though, everything got weird, fast. suddenly i noticed there was a lot of commotion and flashing lights and people running. it was bright daylight and i felt so good bc i was high so i almost didn't care. in fact i actually didnt care bc i was on the phone with ashley and i was telling her all this random shit about how gay people had more rights now and that i finally saw '21 and over' and couldnt stop quoting it (which really isnt true). while i was on the phone, sam b from scu was on my street and he looked at me and motioned with his hands and he was like 'there is an accident!' or something. i actually ignored him bc i sort of forgot he said that in the dream

eventually eric from scu came and said there is an accident and i was freaking out this time and i thought it was my fault but eric wouldnt give any details. i piggy back rode on his back to my house wtf and then at my house i had all my prep stuff and supplies and injected myself with more heroin and was in this heavy delirium and it was almost so intense that i thought i was going to explode or something. i looked out my window and saw an almost transparent reflection- a heavily armed man with a helmet and all this gear and camo aiming a huge gun straight at me. i heard 2 shots (not really loud like a real gun?) fired and i was crouching low under the window.

at that moment i realized that mom was going to come home from work soon and i had all this drug shit out. i also realized that if the cops came to save me or something i was screwed bc i had the paraphenelia. so i quickly tried to fix it but i was noddin off from the h. false awakening: mom came into my room. she didnt notice the stuff tho, bc i kind of put shit on top of it to cover it. but i started crying and hugged her so tight bc i was freakin out bc there was a guy aiming a gun at my window. mom started hugging me too but it was really tight and suddenly she was chocking me around the neck with her "hug". i literally couldnt breathe (felt like) and i was trying to stay "stop" but it was so hard. she finally stopped and left.

i had to figure out why the gunman was there. i found a bunch of journals in my room that were mom's. they were heavily detailed, there were lots of drawings she made of architecture and random scribbling notes all over it. mom can't draw but the drawings were actually very good. i tried to look and see if the drawings were her or printed from a publisher onto the pg, and it required me to analyze the pages really hard and the images are fresh in my head of the renderings. it was hard to tell whether she drew in it. but there was a lot of writing about John Baptist the Third, whoever that is. Mom suddenly came into my room and said we need to go, we need to escape. so i followed her and i was like mom wtf is going on and she wouldnt really tell me and i was like MOM WHO IS JOHN BAPTIST THE III? and she was like 'natalie. i'm the mother of john baptist the iii" and i was like "is that our cousin jonny??" and she was like "no, its the prominent mormon leader. im the most educated person on the topic in the world" and i was like "ARE YOU MORMON??" and she was like "oh god no" and then i realized WTF this is absurd. i realized it had to be a dream. i was like "MOM this is a fcking dream and that's not true!" and mom was like "no it isnt" and i was like "OH YA? lemme prove it!! can i FLY in real life?" and i flew and then she was just like indifferent.

i went home so i could do some lucid shit. i decided to stare at stuff and make it morph. i had this cubical shot class and i looked at each side and made the image on it change to wat i wanted. i chose pokemon and a bunny. then i decided to let my dream choose the sides. each time i turned it there was this elaborate neon pattern.

then the dream switched to me being in a car with casey and some guy. i still knew it was lucid tho. the dude gave me a mint and i dont like chocolate mint so i wanted a snickers so i just expected a snickers and it was! more affirmation that its a dream. when we got to casey's house, there was about to b this huge reception or something. it was a pretty nice house. i was in the living room and alex came in. i was like "dude idk im stuck in this dream and i cant really get out (bc i had tried to wake up earlier bc the gunman was so fkin scary but i kept wakin up to mom like i mentioned). he was like "this isnt a dream nat" and i just started floating to prove it. i was like "u wanna fly too?" and he was like "well ... damn ok ya sure" and then we just kinda flew around the house together and had this good sibling connection for a sec. then i went straight to the back door (where all the guests were coming in) and wanted to mess with them bc i knew it wouldnt matter bc its just a dream. ryan n zach dp were there and i flew straight up close to their faces and was like yelling random shit like "goobideegooo blaaa!!!" and they were all confused lol.

then the guests started leaving and i wandered outside and noticed a huge board of artwork. it was actually the most interesting art ever like i dont even know how my mind could come up with such beautiful things... it was like random images but sort of abstract with dark outlines and not proportional (a poodle, among other non-coherent images). i stared super hard and close in awe of my dream's capability to come up with such beautiful things. i decided it was time to wake up bc i was done with this dream. it was exhausting.

i went into the living room and casey was like 'i cant take you home bc we have guests still' the guests were a few ppl including this kinda creepy ish black guy. they would NOT let me go home and i was like ok fine ill just do some crazy lucid shit. the black guy tried to have sex with me right there in the living room and at first i was reluctant but then i was like oh well w/e its a dream ill do it and see how it is. his teeth had like gaps, just tiny ones in between each tooth. he wasnt really good looking and he definately was older but whatever i just tried to b attracted. the sex was actually really good and i tried to focus on the feeling of it in the dream and see how realistic it was. it really did feel realistic but also felt a bit different- almost like a different kind of pleasure or something.

then i went home and had a couple more false awakenings. i was frustrated bc i really really wanted to wake up. each time i woke up i had to make sure the heroin was gone. the last false awakening i realized it didnt matter bc i was in a dream.


DAYUMMM crazy fuckin dream. the craziest part was how DETAILED it was like all the writing and art i looked at.

didn't have time to post much lately but i wanted to record a super awesome lucid i had a couple weeks ago or so:

realized i was lucid, flew over this huge body of water at night, super detailed night reflections in the water and it was one of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen. and then i flew over it a second time and there were sparkles in the water and at a certain angle this russian emblem shown through the water's surface and it was in a diff language, i tried to remember it for when i woke up but since it was in a diff language i couldnt. it was a really intricate design.
at one point i was like i want something cool to happen! duh i want a puppy to come out of my purse! so i thought of a cute little puppy and expected it when i opened my purse. hahahha dreams mess with me i pulled out a fucking stuffed dog chihuahua thing with buttons as eyes. i had to laugh at such a warped realization of my expectation and lucid attempt.

DREAM from like two nights ago:
crazy! i was hanging out with this girl like the morattas the blonde one and she was talking about her lesbian ness. i was like i never did that before. and eventually she was obviously gonna say "would you want to hook up with me?" and she did and i was like alright why not but i was SOOOO SCARED and then we were naked and making out and i was like into it but i didnt know really how to have sex so we just kinda grinded on each other and then for some reason i felt a dick even tho shes a girl and she doesnt have one but its a dream so it doesnt make sense. so anyways the sex was good and weird at the same time but nonetheless a new experience for me.

god damn why so much fuckin lesbian shit in my dreams. horny as fuk for guys n this is what i get in my dreams lol at least it feels just as good in dreams. plus in waking life i was lookin at this girls fb before bed trying to see if she was a lesbian bc she just seems like it n i was curious bc i have known her forever.

other dreams happened that aren't lucid but sucks bc i dont remember now....

was in this huge ass class room and probably close to hundred kids (mainly scu students) were having an insane rager, the crazy part was no alcohol but everyone was freaking the fuck out and making tribal noises and flipping tables and there was this huge slide and it was just mayhem. yannick was in the dream and we were BUDS wtf like i was all endearing to him and shit. and
me and bryn were friends again like old times but she was clearly lesbian for me and i wanted to be her friend but that was freaking me out bc she kept saying suggestive things and talking to other people about how she wants to hook up with me. then i walked out of the classroom with gabby p and i was like "gabby i neeeeed to talk to you " it was about bryn but gabby thought that i meant i had a problem with gabby herself, i never got to tell her what i wanted to say because we reached our destination too quickly. the destination was this place where .. actually it is irrelevant and not interesting.

bloody scene involved a good friend of mine (dont kno them in real life) but they were an alcoholic mess, blood blood blood everywhere and his arm was cut open and the bone was revealed he looked like a bloated red dying drunk and he didnt care he just had a beer can in his hand still drinkin. i took him to the hospital.

got home and parked my car and rand into mom on some street. alex was there too. mom was normal and then suddenly her eyes got big and she was like "wait a minute... I don't feel good." and then she started breathing hard and fell to the ground blood was coming out of her nose. i was freaking out and trying to calm her down at the same time and also call the police. i told alex to feel her heart beat and then i would call but he was so freaked out he didnt do it right away, so i had to scream and it was so fucking chaotic. i tried to type in all these numbers to call but i kept messing up bc i was so freaked out. alex was so pissed at me bc i insisted i do it myself but i was doing a shitty job. suddenly, we turned on each other. he started saying things like i am a selfish person with so many vices and that i financially drained the family. i felt this huge wave of aggression like i have never felt in waking life (rarely) and i stared at him like a demon and he stared at me too and the feeling built up and up and i finally just pushed him and then i was like WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT this is so fucked up and i love alex and he loves me and wtf is going on. looked at my hands. looked at them more than other dreams. in other dreams i was like self-conscious bc i thought "what if this is actually reality and im just standing here staring at my hands like an idiot while my mom is having a heart attack?" but my hands were clearly dream. there was 6,7,8,9 digits each time i looked, the fingers were all varying in length, and i had a solid, true feeling THIS IS A DREAM and i said that in my head a lot. i knew about not telling dream characters i knew it was a dream, but i was SO sure that it was a dream that i didnt give 2 fux and i told my brother "OMG its ok alex!!!! it's ALRIGHT dont worry mom's ok this is a DREAM!!!" and i just wanted to see what he would say. he was actually happy and he was like "well, that's great!".

went outside waiting for the ambulance with mom, i just flew away. which would b a dick move in real life but its a dream soo yeah. peace out ima go fly, i flew a bit and then i decided i fly too much in lucids i want something better!! so for some reason i thought it would b cool to have an item of my choice just fly to my hands. so i thought about a coke can really hard and then put my hand out and it flew over and i caught it. i did that with a couple other items that unfortunately i do not recall.

driving my car and had to brake for people crossing the street. first were people in wheel chairs, then little kids, then more random people just keep crossing and crossing. my foot was on the brake but i felt like the car was out of control and if i didnt press down really hard enough with my foot, the car would run over everyone.

def my mind working out the trauma of the car crash yesterday.

reccurrent dream, i keep getting cheated on! even tho not in a relationship.

so i hooked up with this guy with dark hair and i was like yay im over matt woohoo and then i went to say hi to matt on the way home i guess, and what do u know again he's with some damn asian girl and his arm is around her. and i for some reason illogically felt cheated, even tho i just banged some dude, and i started yelling and being so fucking aggressive i went up there and literally slapped him on the face and tried to hit him more but then i was like fuck this and just left.

on the way home i was flying home. for a sec i was like shit is this legal? a policeman came up behind me and looked at me in the air. he told me i needa stop flying. so i did but when he left i was fuck u and went back in the air and flew home.

that was yesterday. last night i had a dream with trevor and lauren boyd and greg starkovich and alex. it was great and trevor was so fuckin cute i wanted to explode bc he was like running through these muddy grasses like a cute motherfucker. so goddamn cute