GoldenLight

Meditation Day 2: April 11, 2012

I hunted for my other CD that is also hemi-sync but not "Between Worlds". I could not find it! Poo! So, I decided to try and block out any unintentional or unwanted distractions. This round I noticed a few things - I seemed to nearly fall asleep a few times, and I was startled awake during the session. I hadn't gone completely under, but was on the edge, like you feel right before you sink into unconsiousness.

I kept my focus on the blackness behind my eyes. I use it like a screen or chalkboard when I want to visualize something, but in the beginning meditations, I use it as a focal point. When thoughts came, and they did come, I would blow them away or acknowledge them and realign my focus.

I felt very relaxed today - maybe because I didn't get enough sleep the night before or because I was going deeper into meditation. I don't know yet. My body got very heavy. I know at various points my fingers, the middle and thumb, felt like they were no longer touching and had actually moved into different positions. When I pressed them together, they had not moved and were still touching one another as the back of my hands rested upon my thighs.

No particular images arrived to distract me....until the Didgeridoo sounds began. I swear to God this thing must be some sort of vibrator because it's tones send a vibration straight down my throat to my groin area.

I just acknowledged these sensations but realigned to the blackness behind my eyes. However, the Didgeridoo vibrations increased and so did the sensations in my core. And like a little girl on Christmas morning, I ran straight to the present under the tree! I found myself reflexively breathing very deeply - deep enough so it inflated my whole midsection. And I became aware that as the Didgeridoo played and held its note, I held my breath. As I held my breath, the vibration seemed to have a better path/connection to my sexual center (chakra above the base). This vibration just grew and then the sexual images arrived - And it was all over until the Didgeridoo stopped playing and another instrument took over. Ahem. Naughty self...

I'm a bit disappointed, but I knew it was like playing with fire. I knew my mind would be just itching to repeat that sensation. So, it's my own fault. Not a bad punishment - I'll take it. But it's not my goal to climax every time I meditate.

After my fun time ended and the music shifted, I found myself lost in darkness again with random thoughts coming and going - mostly berating myself. "Told ya you should have gotten the other CD" "Why didn't you just meditate without any music?" "You wanted this to happen, so why are you surprised?" "Better find that other CD." On and on the comments came like some scolding friend or parent, chiding me for my misguided choice of CD. I heard them and refocused each time saying, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I know you're right.

*Black screen.*

The rest of the meditation was good. Got very sleepy. Felt a little disconnected from my body at times. I get the jumpy sensation or that falling sensation when I lose myself. But it was a good start...

*Note to self: FIND THE OTHER CD STAT!

2010 (approx)

I fell asleep without doing my affirmations in my journal.

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My husband was flirting with me, and he touched my left side, below my ribcage. I cringed and pulled away because it hurt there. It felt like a really bad bruise. He placed his hand on my ribcage again, I said, no, don't that really hurts. He grabbed me by the arm and held me in place then forcefully began rubbing the tender spot beneath my ribs. As he rubbed harder his face contorted into this demonic face and he smiled an evil, malicious smile. I couldn't pull away and he continued rubbing, knowing it was causing me terrible pain.

I woke abruptly IRL and noticed my left side, below my ribcage was very sore. When I felt there, I noticed a lump - for real. I ended up seeing the doctor and found it was a Lipoma. Six months later, I had it removed.
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Afterthought: I am thinking that the activation of my chakras either sensitized the nerves here so that I felt it or it simply brought my attention to that area. Because during meditation my chakras (base, sacral, solar plexus, heart) were all throbbing away. I actually checked my pulse rate several times believing that my heart rate had increased, but it had not. My pulse was steady even though the beating inside me was very strong and insistent. The solar plexus centered chakra and the heart chakra are the ones that thundered away. Did this have an effect on my side? I don't know. Perhaps just coincidence.

Apr 10, 2012

My meditations have always been vivid, and when I start the process of dream recall I amp up, or in my case now, start my meditation schedule. When I meditate, especially in the beginning, I use metamusic/hemi-sync/embedded binural beats with headphones to assist my focus. It's just my method and won't work for everyone. I find it blocks out my bodily noises that are especially distracting at first - heartbeat, breathing, gurgling stomach...as well as blocking out external noises: clocks ticking, cars, airplanes.

So, in this particular meditation I used the 'Between Worlds' metamusic CD, which at one point has a very heavy beat that reminds me of a tribal setting. I had no intent other than meditating and focusing my mind on the music. But scenes of nondescript tribal people in a circle around me came to mind, and I couldn't shake it. So, I went with it. Everything was blurry though. It was almost like I was in a drug induced state within this 'visualization'.

The tribe acted in chorus with the music. They chanted and played the instruments I heard - one of which is a didgeridoo. Google it and listen to the heavy sound vibration and you'll see what I mean. You can also google Hemisync and binural beats to get an idea of what I use.

Then, my focus shifted, and I felt a pulsing in the first/second chakra. It's not a helpful way to focus your attention because it ends up being a complete distraction, which it ended up being but in a good way, I guess. Anyways, the first chakra is in the lower pelvic region and the second one is your sexual center, I suppose. It's they are the two most primal and basic of the charkas, IMHO. [Feel free to correct that if someone knows otherwise.]

As the first/second chakras pulse, my attention gets drawn specifically to that region and my pelvic region begins pulsing with the music. Well, the music had a very heavy beat that began slow and sped up. The visualization - or my imagination - which is one and the same in the beginning - happily went with that.

In the center of the tribal circle lay this man - I never saw his face just his legs and I knew he was naked, but I did not see any naughty parts . Again, the whole scene was blurred. I felt, more than saw, myself moving toward this man and I did a sort of 'hands in the air and move like you don't care' type of dance to the beat. I fell to my knees and straddled him and began moving to the beat in my visualization. As the One thing lead to another and...I'll leave it there as I don't know the appropriateness of this post. [so apologies ahead of time]

Now, what always gets me with meditation is wondering why my brain pulls me to one direction or another as I don't recall thinking about sex before I started. While some might say this is a GREAT meditation, do it again - it becomes a complete and utter distraction from the main goal, which is to focus and clear your mind. Well, if you're focusing on sex and climaxing, that's not going to clear your mind. Next time, [today] I will use a different CD because I think it will become an issue and my mind will immediately go to the tribal scene like a little girl on Christmas who can't wait to open her presents and runs directly to the Christmas tree...

Dang body - you're a treacherous sneak!

June 15, 2007

Sitting in a church watching a big screen presentation. A lady to my left was very large and i was smooshed in the seat. She kind of moved toward me, or asked if I would move over, but I had no more room. So, I got up. I was about to leave. People were confessing to the minister in a makeshift confessional made out of cushions and pillows. (and I'm not Catholic)

I decided to leave. Went to exit door and had my children. I saw a bottle with fire coming out of the top - a dirty bomb! I ran for the other exit. I told someone in a pew that there was a fire or danger. All exits had bombs.

I think I got out??

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Saw a woman - blurry - at some point she attacked me! I had razor blades and cut her lower arm to make her let go. Then, I was on top of her and had control.

I woke up.

August 14, 2006
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My husband is not a believer in anything. But that night, as I had on other nights, would visualize each member of my family cocooned in white light.

I woke sometime in the night to Russ's bad dream sounds. He got up and left, went to the back room to sleep. I fell back to sleep and recall that I had strange dreams but not nightmares.

In the morning, I told him that I heard him moaning because he must have had a bad dream. I asked if he remembered what he was dreaming about. He said, he woke up because he felt a hand on his head. When he opened his eyes, a dark shadow figure stood in front of him and then faded out. He thought it was real, but realized his mind must have played tricks on him. I asked if he dreamt that . Said he was awake when he felt and saw the dark shadow. He said it had a hat, like a fedora and it stood near the doorway. He thought it was going to hurt us or him.

July 16, 2006
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Pelicans were boxed in - they weren't really trying to get out. On water - many pelicans. They would - or maybe just one - try to bite and nip.

Now, I'm in line for a psychology class. I had to sign in, but the class was full. Somehow I still got in.

The teacher took stairs multiple steps at a time, but he got winded and would pause. I would catch up, but then he'd begin again and I would be behind once more. He had blond hair and was male.

In part of this school (?), people were on gurneys. One woman in particular was on a gurney waiting to be operated on. Patients passed me in the hallway and I got the sense they were missing parts of 'themselves'. Perhaps from the operations? The woman suddenly jumped off the gurney and ran. I followed her but slower. She ran outside and found a gate or exit? Where she slipped into a type of drawer and was gone. A man - perhaps a security guard - chased after her but failed to capture her.

Then, I was in class at my desk. Both my desk and book were there but my chair was gone - it was missing. The teacher entered the classroom and I said, "While I think pretending to sit or acting like I was sitting would work, it might get painful." And then I asked for my chair back.

April 4, 2006
[Apparently I found an older entry than originally thought...]

There's a party inside a house - my house? Windows are open with screens. It's warm out. At some point I notice bees. Bees were getting in the house. I was alarmed - worried. I noticed bees on the ceiling, many bees. I got angry and scolded people because they allowed the bees to come in. people in the party seemed unaware of the bees. I think I was worried that the children would get stung.

Someone named, Patty, her husband, Joe, died. We went to my Aunt's house. Bugs were in the beds and on the floor. My grandma died again. She'd died once, but apparently, she wasn't really dead. Now, we had to have her funeral. Pap, my grandfather, called me and asked if we were coming. I said, I didn't think he was going to have a funeral because she'd already had one - it seemed a little awkward. Apparently, he was having the funeral.

So, I had to get a dress or maybe hose for the funeral. But I was swimming. My kids asked to swim. My daughter said, no, and then we were leaving. I got out of the pool and my brothers said they would meet us there. I think, along the way, a woman was in the road doing something. I offered to pull over so we wouldn't block traffic and she could finish what she was doing. (?) So I pulled over.

It was now a park like setting. I stayed in the car. A dog I had known, with his friends, came to my car window. I rolled the window down and he licked my face. His owners watched from afar.

Next scene, I find myself driving to the mall again in search of a dress or hose. The mall is HUGE! And the parking lot was too. I drove the wrong way and someone in the car, I guess, pointed that fact out. They also mentioned that if I kept driving, I'd hit those spikes and ruin my tires. I turned to avoid them and saw a police man. I didn't know how to get to where my brothers had parked at the mall, so I could meet them. The lot and mall were so big. The police officer said to pull off and he'd take me to the mall and the correct lot. (how did he know?) I did as he said.

As we walked people were following. I began limping as I had hurt my foot. Someone asked about it and I said I hurt it on the beach and stepped on something sharp. We were on steps going down, I think. Hubby came and woke me up.

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Fell back to sleep:

Dreamed a wasp flew at me and hit me in the face! Darn wasp!!!

September 21, 2008

Day 13
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I dreamed about a fire. A fire was set purposely to kill those inside a building. I escaped with others and found this building further away where everybody was. I thought this place was safe. I saw the fire coming toward this new building and told the people to leave - to get out. I ran for another building, but I had to sneak for if the bad guys saw us they'd kill us. I ended up in a building with African American kids. At one point, i was in a hotel in the halls.


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Knife stabbing. There was a fight over a girl. She went down.

September 20, 2008

Day 12
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Dreamed a big spider ran up the wall and hid behind the curtain. Hubby got it with his bare hands. Could see it in his hands Took it outside. When he returned, I asked if he killed it. He did.

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Dreamed about lumps on my arm - forearm.

September 8, 2008

[This began the time period when I intentionally began trying to recall my dreams, become lucid, and have an OBE]

Right before bed, I wrote in my Dream Journal:

I am a spirit in a body capable of experiencing dimensions beyond physical experience. I have the ability to separate from my body, return safely, and remember.

[First lucid dream occurred on DAY 5]

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My husband's cousins were at a waterfall party and drinking. [an aside: these cousins are very religious and I can't imagine them doing this in real life] The male cousin, we'll call Paul, got drunk and fell asleep. My husband filled the fountain (?) and then went to lie down. Paul was flirting and then he passed out. I played religious music for Kathryn (not her real name).

2008

(Not lucid)

I was in an antique store and was looking at teacups. It was a very upscale place and I felt I didn't belong there. As I looked into a case, the sales clerk asked if he could show me a teacup or take something out for me. I asked for one teacup and saucer. He told me I could go to the table near the window and wait. I took a seat and waited. There was a pot of tea on the table. When he brought the teacup and saucer he set it in front of me and left. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to test drive the teacup by pouring myself a cup of tea. I decided not to. I looked at the bottom of the teacup and it was expensive. The saucer had to be bought separately and it was expensive too. Well, I thought, I can afford the teacup but not the saucer. So, I bought the teacup. The sales clerk looked disappointed or disgusted with me. Guess I didn't buy 'enough' for his liking or commission.

I left the shop and took the subway home, which in real life, I don't do and don't even live in a city. On the subway, I met my grandmother - my dead grandmother. I told her and showed her what I bought. She tsked me and said, go back and buy the saucer. What's a teacup without a saucer. The dream ended.

In real life, that weekend I drove to my mother's house and just happened to go into the garage to get my mom something. In the garage were these beautiful teacups or coffee cups and saucers. I asked my Mom why they were in the garage and she said, they were my GRANDMOTHER'S and she didn't know what to do with them. I asked, Can I have them? So, I got the teacups AND saucers because my grandmother would not have been happy had I only taken the cups!

2006/2007
[This dream was developed into a story because it was just so dang cool!]

This one was strange in that I became aware that I was dreaming BUT I was not participating. I watched my dream and it was frankly, annoying while it was happening. I even woke up twice and when I fell back to sleep, the dream continued and I was awake. I was exhausted when I finally woke in the morning.

Okay, I found myself on a table (yeah, me and tables and gray rooms, go figure) in an unfamiliar place. My head hurt bad and I immediately felt threatened. I snuck out of this room and as I was running down a hallway, naked, yeah, naked, men in black burst out of no where and began chasing me. I ran until I got outside and people stared at me and some screamed. I didn't even care that I was naked at that point because I knew I had to get away from these men in black. (do I watch too many alien movies, maybe?)

This whole time I am totally aware that I am dreaming and I can't STOP watching my dream. It was awful because I wasn't getting rest. It was like having your eyes pinned open and being forced to watch a movie. It would suck!

So, I am out on the street and notice that things are weird. The buildings are mostly all glass and very tall skyscrapers. The cars are flying and not on the street. Although some come down to land. As I'm taking all this in the men in black bust out of the building and I glanced over my shoulder to see this one man in black pull a lipstick like silver tube out of his jacket pocket. He pointed it at me and the dang thing shot a beam out of it and vaporized part of the sidewalk! I freaked! I took off running and crossed the street - where there weren't any cars - and ran smack dab into Mel Gibson!!! Yep! He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me up and down - I was naked and suddenly felt erm, a bit exposed. He threw his jacket over my shoulders [how chivalrous] and then asked me what was wrong. I tried to pull away but he had a tight grip on me. Then, the obnoxious men in black barreled toward me with their lipstick weapons drawn and pointed at my head!

He saw them and pulled me down and to the side. We ran through a restaurant and then out the back. Finally we lost them or they gave up - I don't much know. But at some point, I may have fainted and he carried me back to his place. When I woke up, I was confused and my head hurt like a son-of-a-gun.

Mel must have heard me wake and came to my side. I asked if he had an aspirin and he looked at me like I had two heads. I asked again, you know, an aspirin, something to take away the pain in my head. He said, he didn't know what an aspirin was but he could take away the pain. He left and returned with this thing that looked like a thermometer - the kind that go in your ears. He moved it to my temple and I pulled back. He looked perplexed and I said, that doesn't go there. He said, your head hurts right? I asked what it was and he said it was a pulsejet. I was like okay whatever. And he put the thing to my head and it zapped a bit of electrical current or something into my temple and my head stopped hurting.

He asked me if I had a place to stay. I said no. He then asked why those men were chasing me and I explained I had no idea and that I had woken up on this table. I had children and a husband back in my...time...life..world? I began looking around his apartment. The entire room had glass for walls and they were darkened like sunglasses darken when they are exposed to sunlight. He eventually gave me sweatpants, socks, and a t-shirt to wear. But as I looked around I realized things here were advanced. The lipstick guns, the windows, the flying cars and I asked him the year. I don't remember the year now, but I know it was in the future. I sort of freaked out on Mel and he stared at me like I was nuts, which of course, I probably seemed nuts. We stayed here for a few days ( and oh my God it seemed FOREVER in my dream because I could NOT shut it off!!!!). I made breakfast, snooped around, noticed a video type of phone. He called someone and asked this person to come see me. That freaked me out because I didn't trust anyone.

It went on this way for awhile - just day to day stuff. And at some point I ended up in bed with Mel. Yeah. That was not awful. Funny thing is, in real life, I do not find Mel attractive. Apparently, dream me, did. And I began having all these internal struggles because I wondered if I had just cheated on my husband...what about my kids....but they weren't here and I had no idea how to get back.

So, after spending time with Mel, growing quite close and intimate with Mel, he finds someone that knows about me...or what happened to me. It was a mistake. They - this corporation/government - was trying to send someone into the past but when they did that, somehow, I ended up in the future. They did not know how to send me back.

They found us - and Mel saw them coming through some sort of video device. We bolted and ended up in a minivan - I have NO idea why - that had another family riding in it. The men in black chased me and Mel. The family in the minivan got shot up, I think. And at that point - I woke up. EXHAUSTED!!!!!!

2005/2006 (From my old journal)

I'm posting prior dreams here as I begin attempting to lucid dream again. This one and the Becoming Golden dream are two of my first. I cannot remember if this was first or the Golden Dream was first but both have never left me and were incredible dreams - both were lucid.

I went to sleep as normal as I had not begun intentionally LD'ing or even trying to recall my dreams.

While still dreaming, I found myself on a sidewalk, in my nightgown, at nighttime. A streetlight was to my left and I kind of was standing beneath it, I guess. I was on a corner and a traffic light was turning yellow and then red. I felt that I was waiting for something but I had no idea what i was waiting for. To my left, stood a lady, also in her pajamas. I didn't pay attention to what she wore. She had her head back and was staring up at the dark sky.

I copied her and looked up at the stars. It was a clear night and the stars sparkled except for a dark patch that was shaped like a triangle. I heard a dog bark off in the distance and crickets were chirping. I kind of thought that was a weird detail for a dream. Anyways, after I noticed the dark triangle patch in the sky that blocked out the stars, I realized this dark patch was descending...or getting bigger. Then, I just said in my dream, "I knew they were real." And I turned to look at the lady beside me to see if she saw the craft too. Her head was still back. She had on a white nightgown - I now noticed. I think I snickered at her. I remember thinking - huh, they don't have any lights on, but why would they unless they wanted someone to see them.

I turned my attention skyward again and the feakin' triangular thing was about 6 feet off the ground. It hovered above me! It blocked out the entire sky from my view. Now, light emmenated from beneath the object, but I couldn't detect or see any actual lights. It just glowed. (still not lucid)

I spun in a circle. The woman was gone. I was now in the middle of the street, but I couldn't recall walking or moving to get there. A cool white light engulfed me, and, as if I'd turned a switch from off to on I arrived in a gray metallic room. My pulse pounded at my wrists. There was NO transition. No intermediate locale. I was standing in the street, outside, on the blacktop, and then I wasn't.

(still not lucid but beginning to freak out)

The room was dimly lit with the same kind of lights as were on the object's underbelly. I couldn't see a light bulb or any indentation where a light could be. No furniture. No pictures. Just a gray room. Except it was small - maybe 10X10 feet max.

I wiped my hand on my thigh and realized I was still wearing my nightgown. (I think I started to become aware) I looked up and saw in the corner of the room a being - the typical big headed, black eyes, grayish body - standing. Whether she, and I say she because I knew it was female, had always been there in my dream or materialized, I don't know. Anyways, I noticed she had blonde hair. And that triggered my awareness. I don't know why but it was like I had been slowly waking up after I showed up in this gray room thing.

I stared at this creature and thought, quite deliberately, You're not supposed to have hair. Pale blonde hair covered her light bulb shaped head! It has to be a wig, I thought, again quite intentionally. She tilted her big head and then sent me this thought. It was THE coolest thing! I just got like a complete sentence dumped into my consciousness: She wore it to make me comfortable. Her slit of a mouth never moved I felt her intention and I also felt comforted. She seemed to smile but her mouth remained motionless.

Oh my God! They're real! They exist! And a big grin spread across my face. Then, I felt her happiness. I felt that she was pleased with my reaction.

I spoke aloud, Am I dreaming? And it was at this point that I knew I was 'awake' because I began to feel more and question things. But as if in response to my own question I got the answer, No, you're not dreaming. It kind of echoed in my head, you're not dreaming. That freaked me out. I began to look around and realized that the other lady was not with me. So, I asked the creature, where the other lady was. She told me it was not my concern. She was on her own tour and not to worry! Holy crap!

My heart started racing at this point because I just felt awake and I felt and saw everything. It was too freakin' wacky! My knees got wobbly yet I know outwardly I remained calm.

She asked me, in my head, which is kind of weird because I was already in my head , if I wanted my tour now? She motioned with her long, bony arms toward a door behind me. I turned around and a door slid silently into a wall - like the ones on star trek, except this one made no sound.

Outside was a hallway that was also gray (what is it with gray and my dreams???) and had subdued lighting. I followed her down this hall and it turned slightly and opened up. The lighting here was strong and bright. It was a white light but again no actual light bulbs could be seen. AND the fact that I was checking for freakin' light bulbs bothered me. This new area felt like and reminded me of the center of a mall. It was like the center of the craft??? It was all white and lit. There were many light bulb head creatures roaming around. Some held see through clipboard type things but they weren't clip boards. It was like a see through computer screen or something. I don't know. Anyways, they didn't seem to notice me or mind me.

In the back of this space, was a cylinder, clear glass or plastic. And I watched a few aliens go into it and then it shot straight up - like an elevator. There were tropical plants in front of the tube elevator. These creatures wore tunic type of clothes with pants. The colors they wore were pastels - no primary colors - yet.

We moved on and followed the curved wall in the hall. It seemed to go around this central hub. And as we walked I got this feeling she had a surprise for me. She hoped I 'd like it. At the end of this hall was another large room. It had row after row of seats - orange seats with a metal frame. The whole area seemed like an airport waiting area to me. On the left side of the room were windows - it was black outside though so I couldn't see anything out these windows. But the weirdest thing was these chairs and what was on them.

On every single chair, was a photograph. Each photo was of a different person - all humans. She kept on walking until she got about halfway back and then she stopped. I got this feeling that I might see my grandparents who had been dead for many years. She motioned with her long, twig-like arm for me to move into the aisle. I shuffled down the aisle like I was in a movie theater. And when I was halfway down that aisle she motioned for me to stop by holding up her long arm with four spindly fingers. I looked down at the chairs and there was this photograph of a man, Indian in nationality. He had dark hair and dark skin, dark eyes. He appeared to be in his forties, maybe or fifties. I don't know. And to the chair on my left was a woman with dark hair in a bun on top of her head, I think. She too was Indian. I stared at the photos and then looked back at this alien. She 'asked' me if I knew these people. I did not.

No sooner did I have that thought that everything changed.

She put up this mental wall so I couldn't feel her anymore. I don't know how else to explain it. But I felt cold and alone and frightened. I felt as if I'd made a wrong choice or said the wrong thing and everything spiraled out of control. From the back of this room came ten or more of these creatures. They surrounded me and pushed the chairs out of the way. They forced me to the ground with my right shoulder down (I think) and left shoulder was up. I saw one of these freaks had a syringe in its hand that contained an orange, syrupy solution. I began to yell and thrash telling her I was sorry that I could try again. But I had no sense that she was even there anymore. Then, they stuck me with this syringe and....of course...I woke up!!! FREAKIN' WEIRD...