LukeSid

Everything looked good for last night. A good three hours communing with nature and myself in wonderfully-stark and beautifully-open scenery. Muttering “I see everything” in that environment sounds a lot more powerful than when uttered in my small bedroom. Plus plenty of “This is a dream.” moments…lots of “what was I doing 15 minutes ago?” Seriously-heavy dream preparation…so what went wrong?

I awoke at 3.45 AM wheezing and nasally-congested. My window was shut, the glass streaming with moisture, the humidity was way up. I could feel a dream, still shimmering, right above me...just waiting to be grabbed and I felt like shit. Gone …and it went steadily downhill from there. I switched on my dehumidifier (with positive ions) and went back to sleep...and woke feeling positively ironed.

Not all bad news. I got two dreams…both involving me arguing. Why? I went to bed feeling very positive (without the ions) Is Ed telling me something about myself? I got up and did a WBTB after 1¼ hours @ 5.00 AM (I even forget to put down the dream wake-up times.)

Dream#1
A classic “something lost” dream (I consider this the most powerful DS. Twice before it’s brought lucidity) I’m with a “friend” and one of his friends and I’ve apparently gone to his friends drawer to borrow something. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have mislaid it and I constantly unpack and repack his drawer, trying to find it. His friend says nothing but clearly becomes increasingly incredulous that I’ve lost it.

So it was basically DS –DS –DS-DS-DS as I pack and unpack this drawer (and not a hint of “This is a dream!” comes from my mind or lips) I’m getting very embarrassed and irritated (DS)with myself and this seems to culminate in a tiff with my friend and I hit him. (DS = violence)

More words follow from this and that seems to be the end of a wonderful friendship

Conclusion:
It differed from last nights successful awareness in one important respect. I was embarrassed and irritated…and I think that obscured what might have inevitably followed had I recognised the DS. I have created emotions as a general DS but “embarrassment” has never been considered…until now. It’s now a major DS along with anger and irritation (both with oneself and at others) The theory now is that any emotion trying to cloud the issue is itself a DS and recognised as such. No more smoke screens hopefully...

Dream#2
A short, hazy dream. Another argument…between me and my “mother” (DS) Sylvester Stallone looks more like mother than this DC. Have you met my mother Ed?

Conclusion:
Why do I get arguments and violence…usually by me? Am I inherently violent? (I need to lay on a couch when I do this self analysis) Is there some internal conflict? The wife and I have words now and then (as do most couples) But I don’t get her in a headlock and she doesn’t stab me with a kitchen knife…and I don’t belay passing strangers. Ed…you have the wrong idea about me I think. Or is it you Ed? Have I got an SC who needs to go on an anger-management course (don't shake your...my head Ed...are you lying to me?)