non-lucid

That was either a false lucid or I was just on the edge of being lucid. Why? Although I remember saying I was lucid I didn't decide to RT or stabilize, I didn't look around, the dream wasn't particularly vivid and I don't remember much of it, although it seemed quite long...apart from that everything was fine LOL

I remember deciding to fly (fool!) As per usual in my “flying” dreams I couldn't fly very high and I remember deciding that was due to “gravity” restricting how high I could fly...when, of course, the very act of being able to leave the ground at all has already overcome the worst effects of gravity...that flawed logic further reinforces the fact that even if there was the presence of some daytime neurons/minions they had clearly only just got out of bed and were resenting it.

I remember “interviewing” two Polish women re their suitability for accommodation in my home. One was saying something about university qualifications (in DC-speak...mainly waffle) I remember asking her whether it was really that bad in Poland and her nodding. I also remember saying that “it was sad that the Polish president didn't listen to his people.”

Of course Poles are economic migrants not refugees so that's got mixed up with the greater problem. The bit about the Polish president is intriguing because I clearly remembered issues about the new Polish government but that's due to it's policies re the current refugee crisis.

How many points on the LD Richter scale? 0.001 I think...

It's over a month since I had 2 lucid events (not great events but something nevertheless) The weather has generally stayed moist and grey but it's far grimmer up North so I'm not complaining.

I've recorded 15 dreams since then, none lucid and three reasonably long and vivid (but nothing to really shout about) A couple were negative (I get one or two now and then) A few I could relate to something I'd done or watched, the rest were mainly just a mish-mash of obscure events.

I'm good though...generally the results are the same whether I self-condition or not...maybe the basics are now well-ingrained and other influences (as yet not detected) make the difference.

Every day...some time between 16.00 to 17.00 I retire to my bedroom, sit upright by the bed in very subdued light and with Thom Brennan's “Submergence” playing very softly in the background I meditate for about 40 minutes. I use the music because it's drone-music, always the same tune and therefore not a distraction.

I think I eventually drift towards sleep...not too close because I “snort” like a pig when I'm slipping into sleep or start to fall sideways and neither of those happen. Maybe I'm in deep meditation ...personally I think I'm maybe moving into hypnagogia (although I don't ever get a “start”).

Wherever I am it's useful...once a saw a flash of a vision of a person...too quick to identify...today I say what looked like a very clear Youtube video of a house frontage in a suburban setting It was as if I was watching from a passing car (although it never actually went out of vision??) It was so vivid I thought for a second I was watching on a pc, with my eyes open. Dark room, eyes shut, no pc.

I realised that I wasn't and I was a bit confused. Was a dream building and I merely needed to slip into it? I felt too awake to do that but I tried to relax and the image gradually faded. A hypnagogic vision? It was very clear and seemingly moving.

I cannot normally think of an object and visualise that object clearly with my eyes shut...maybe few people can... But I try to visualise a wire-frame square...no go...except I've discovered I can sometimes do that during meditation... also I can infill with colour...and several times now a rectangle with various shapes inside pops into vision...where does that come from?

So...something different again...and that's what keeps the dream alive for me...

Still planning for an expected trip with my new mate Psi, sometime in the Autumn...

Getting a steady trickle of dreams and some are still quite promising (albeit non-lucid). Some are getting longer in recall...this mornings one (I was up for 2½hours then back to bed for a while) was particularly satisfying.

I'm wandering around a (German?) town (DS) and I have my girlfriend with me (sorry wifey dear, no slight intended but this is dreamstuff.) I kiss her several times (a long slow embrace) in full view of the general public (once on top of a bus) She's a bit embarrassed but responds willingly and well...lovely stuff...as good as dream sex for me and not too unfaithful.

I'm on track for a possible further operation to resolve the very distracting problem I have with this nose of mine...another bout of blood and snot but it should be worth it. I'm back persevering with awareness exercises and showing more patience this time...and I have an idea to cultivate a possible friend. I call him “Psi” and he might be able to help me move forward in my little project...we'll see..

Although it is currently a barren dream time for me (lucid or otherwise) I take comfort that it's less than a month since I had a LD (albeit a short one) I duck and dive my way through my dream attempts (a little bit of this, a try at that) and my naturally paranoid nature hints that I often seem to be blocked at every turn...almost as of some outside force is either toying with me or hinting that dream attempts will harm my health.

I remember a comment by Terence McKenna that his ego screamed that he was dying when he started a new psilocybin trip because it would strip away his humanity and that ran entirely counter to its natural function...that kind of feeling maybe. I toyed with DEILD last week and programmed to wake up much earlier to the dreams-end and got hints of the old “ill feeling” that so distracts from dream-recall and re-entry...and that feeling of dread soon disperses once its job is perhaps done, so is that maybe not real?

I'm doggedly working my way through Ratey's brian book. I've jumped forward...as is my way...to a section about dreams and how the 40hz oscillation ramps back up when REM sleep starts. I determined to WBTB last night and had headphones and a Youtube vid primed to see what happens...and slept right through the night, without waking, till 08.30 (a very very rare event) See what I mean? Mr paranoid.

I'm interested in DMT, psilocybins etc and maybe their effect (even in small doses) on dreams. With my new-found respect for our frantically hard-working neurons I've started thanking them for any dream crumbs they see fit to throw from the table. (that's not my mad idea...I read it here first) Last night I told them I'm up for dash of pineal activity to maybe pep-up my dreams and any cooperation in this matter would be much appreciated. Hey! I'm as sane as the next man! (and the way this World's going that's not much of a recommendation.)

Against the current grain I woke an hour after I went to bed (with just a hint of a dream) then an hour later with a (what is lately) a rare clear and vivid dream fresh in my mind...so much so that I determined to get up specially to write this out.

I'm being pursued by a doggedly-determined but apparently loving female vampire through a neighbourhood (most of my dreams normally not even vaguely menacing) I duck and dive everywhere and I'm looking around for a weapon of sorts. I don't seem to be terrified...just a bit anxious (as you would) and I'm as determined to escape as she seems to be to drink my blood. Come back dear, it won't hurt...much...that sort of thing.

I'm moving towards what I take to be maybe a 19th century hostelry and I can see the landlord? looking-out at me. I get a clear feeling that he's about to close the frontage of his premises (as if he's encountered this before and doesn't want to get involved) Then I wake up. Phew.

I now realise that I didn't feel ill and maybe should have tried for a DEILD lucid but a combination of my surprise at this (nowadays) rare event...and perhaps my understandable reluctance to go back into that scenario thank you very much, I just got up to pen this

So...encouraging. Ever onwards (I must stop saying that) I'll keep reading, experimenting, flitting from one thing to another and reporting back every small victory.

Still suffering post-op problems (the hospital said at least 2 weeks of that and it's been 12 days so far) Nevertheless, I've managed to remember 2 dreams in the last 2 days.

The first was so numbingly uninteresting I won't bore you with the fine details...suffice to say I'm a student in a college/uni ?? (My grandson is) I don't seem to be a freshman but I mingle with a group of students (none of whom I apparently recognise.) The plot then revolves around me stereotypically trying to find a way into the main hall, where I'm convinced the rest are assembled. (DS Looking for something and/or lost.)

The up side of course is it would just need me to get back to reasonable awareness and there's Ed continually prompting me to recognise my main dream sign.

The other was a bit more interesting. I'm outdoors and there are 2 women in the distance...one with a pushchair. There's a profound air of menace about these two...evil maybe. (what's this Ed... "Mothers from Hell"?...and why???) I tell myself that I need to face this dream and I will banish my fears. (So I thought "dream"...am I inching towards LD again here?)

I move resolutely towards them, then loads of angels appear...they're clearly not real, just small metallic-looking figures and they're everywhere in the sky. Then the sky clears and the menace (and the demon moms) are no more. This is just not my style...If they'd been loads of Buddhist monks then maybe.

Admittedly I had a glasss of Faustino VII before I went to bed and the dream was at 01.30am (less than one hour later) I've said this before..a glass of wine does seem to pep up my early dreams so I must get down to Asda (it's on offer)

Talking of stimulants my son brought me the melatonin and, despite my still slightly delicate condition I risked one when I did a WBTB after the mum's dream. Result...nothing...zilch...bugger all...slept like a baby. When the time's right I'll try 2...and a Faustino chaser.

Ed, you old dog you!...my first full sexual encounter and at the seaside! Talking to your brain clearly works..although I didn't ask for this to be honest...

Nil points for my chat up line...basically, it seemed to be "what do you reckon?" The first recipient of my deathless prose was a large woman who seemed to have piercings. She apparently didn't reckon and became very loud and angry in her objections..a relief really because piercings are definitely not my thing.

The next lady certainly seemed to reckon and we peeled away in search of a suitably secluded area...down a dark alleyway, sharp turn right and up a bit to a grassy knoll...hold on...weren't we on a pier? We immediately got down to it...foreplay was clearly in line with my seduction techniques...non-existent. Then I made the mistake of looking down...

My member had full marks for length, but it was like a thin black tube. Presumably, as with hands, the brain just doesn't do any extremities very accurately (particularly length). The sex was disappointing...but then I've read that somewhere before. Don't take offence Ed, it's not your fault...you just need to get out more.

Then, as often happens in my dreams, I'm suddenly somewhere else and trying to get back to where I was before. (major D/S i.e. searching, lost, looking for something...then, aren't we all?) It should have been easy... down the alley, sharp right and up a bit but no...the scenery shifters have clearly been hard at work.

The rest of my dream involves me wandering aimlessly about. There are now multiple hillocks with trysting lovers atop...how does a pier hold all that dirt and grass? Finally I get to what I think was my grassy hillock and I peer upwards...but there seems to be a party going on up there...and I woke up

I'm not making this up...it was a clear dream (A good sign for me because it represents a step in the right direction.) I'm not that disappointed in the poor quality of the sex because I just know I'd get hooked and I have other priorities...and once again, thanks Ed you're a diamond and I'm glad I'm coupled-up to you...in the platonic sense of course...

Better...albeit just 2 small, mundane and slightly odd dreams recalled. Thanks Ed...you threw me a couple of bones.

My boss/teacher? (DS) tells me "look up dieters." ??? I scan through a large journal and apparently find some references. (D/S looking for something) I tell my boss/teacher...adding "It should have been entered in the index."

My boss (DS) and I are wrestling with a long roll of computer-printout paper. I mean really fighting... this paper must be made out of carbon fibre or something. Eventually I tear through the paper (where's the physics in that?) and he presumably falls backwards (if the physics is working at all) You know, I really felt as if I'd won a major disagreement...small victories.

I have a handful of dream signs and that's a good thing I think, because they invariably pop up and surely increase the chances of lucidity when conditions are right...which they're not at the moment.

Not much but thanks Ed...it shows you care.

8.20
I brazenly walk into a power station - DS (well Ed's version of a power station...all large dark spaces - DS) A women at the entrance looks suspiciously at me but I brazenly carry it off and I'm gone like the grey old shadow that I am in my dreams.

I flit from area to area through a maze of pipes (which, if I had only become lucid, probably didn't even connect to each other) I dodge workers (DS)... even the 2 who are conducting some sort of obscure data-gathering exercise within inches of me.

I lay perfectly still in the gloom as one works literally alongside me, apparently unaware of my existence like you get in corny TV adventure progs...early Dr Who episodes were notoriously bad at that (the actors must have had tunnel-vision.) I enjoyed this dream.

So...I instruct my brain that any workplace or fellow-workers are dreams signs "because I'm old and I simply don't work anymore...it's ridiculous"...and how does my brain interpret that? It sends me into such places covertly I'm undercover so it's alright to be there.

It may just be my foxy old grey matter but I clearly have to choose my words carefully because, like Oscar Pistorius's defence council it latches onto any loophole in my instructions...anything to avoid triggering the magic words "its a dream" Of course it might just be that I'm currently as aware as a lump of granite.

I'm already cautious about the sheer volume of night-time instructions...keep it simple...now keep it unambiguous...boy do I need some little sweeteners. I was researching Ayahuasca (which is apparently an "MAO inhibitor" what wouldn't the Americans have given for that at the height of the Cold War?) Don't think I'll bother with that...the last things I need are inhibitions.

Avanti!

3.00AM
I think it was supposed to be Vietnam (certainly a far East dream) Apparently I'm a POW and I look out of my window (no bars Ed...where's the reality?) onto a river that looks suspiciously like the Thames (clearly Ed's using stock film)

A large US ship is steaming fast in my direction and I slip out of the window carrying a pillow (as POWs do) I ditch the pillow once I'm in the water and swim frantically (like a 70 yo can) towards the approaching vessel. It doesn't slow and I fear it might run me down but apparently I'm rescued (along with 2 Far Eastern women...who they were and where they came from I know not)

As we're being led away the Captain shouts to me "And don't let them fist you." What??!!

I often ponder if there is mystery in dreaming or whether it's just the mentally-challenged part of the brain routinely turning out schemas. The dream that showed hands (but showed them bandaged) The conversation about dreams (within a dream) The glorious part-view of the river-valley The teasing about being gay (I'm not and the teaser knows I'm not...that's me surely?)

I was going to do a late morning WBTB but an injured wood-pigeon in the garden put paid to that. Still trying for visualisation, still doing ADA, still thinking of shortcuts. I managed to remember to RC before getting up this morning...and I counted the pillows just to be certain.

Love it...It would be nicer with some lucids of course but what the heck...I'm still interested.

10.45AM
A dream where I decide I was going to fly...and I did. There was a group of (mainly) elderly women gathered in an open area near my "friends" and I apparently decided that they were somehow threatening my friends.

I asked them and they said no but I wasn't convinced. I flew around the group at head height and tugged at the (woolen) hats of some of the women (such violence against what looked like a gathering of the local Women's Institute...is no-one safe from my killer-lust?)

Cut to me singing a song (I think it was an original tune and melody) called "Would you like to live in my house?" If I was younger and back in the group it would be on my tape recorder by now. (it was in the 70's)

So...apart from a middle-of-the- night dream that I firmly decided I could remember without struggling out of bed to write it down (and which I've now forgotten...except I know it had the DS "looking for something") it took me over 10 hours to get that dream.

It's clear that I probably won't get lucid again in a hurry...maybe the original 3+ months if I'm lucky. Sure "a little help from my friend" galantamine might speed it up but I can't justify it to my wife. So, on I go trying other things.

I juiced some raw beetroot last night (won't do that again in a hurry...my kitchen looked like Sweeney Todd's) I blended it with apple and grape juice and it tasted like...apples and grapes that had been lying in a ploughed field for a few months. Back to the beetroot tablets.

My age clearly slows me down but I'll plod on and, this time round, I've (so far) avoided the dreaded "ill" feeling.

Only one fragment of a dream today but at least I'm ticking over. I'm working at trying to visualize (maybe it's the way forward) I read somewhere that basic visualizing (for example seeing a red circle) is easier if you can induce the hypnagogic state and I have managed to achieve that once so far...so I'll try that route.

2.30
Myself and one other are on the run from some people. We are moving across a large open area and fearing that our pursuers are close behind.

We know that a house belonging to these people is coming up ahead so we branch left into a much more built up area...and that was it.

So far, since my return to Dream Views my dreams overall have been less and more disappointing and I can't work out why. I've definitely been working more at ADA, I know all the mantras, and responses by heart. I do have more of a health issue at the moment but I have a hospital appointment and I'm working on this problem.

The only other change has been the position of my bed. For the first time for 15 years in this house I'm sleeping north-to-south rather than east-to-west. I can't see any logical reason why that should matter but I will get around to switching back for a few days to at least knock that theory out of the equation.

As a by-the-way I've been Googling and I came up with this:-

When people slept mostly on their stomach, one of the most common dream subjects was sex, such as believing that they had a secret admirer, often someone famous. Other dream themes that were common for stomach sleepers included feelings of being tied up, being locked up and being unable to move.

What is this sleeping position’s connection to dreams of feeling restricted? While that’s not completely understood, the study’s authors say it may be a result of the pressure that’s applied to your face, chest and genitals when sleeping on your stomach.


I don't think I'll try this at the moment...I have enough trouble breathing as it is...

4.15
I'm apparently the lead singer (I seem to think) of a 50's type group. (The Diamonds type thing is how I'd like to kid myself )

Away we go with upbeat close harmony and I begin to really get into my groove...I'm really rockin' and my voice soars away and I'm gradually taking over the whole thing. I'm pretty impressed with myself and I think I'm the doggies doodahs but I then sense that I'm maybe I'm hogging the limelight a little too much. Then my bedside alarm (which I'd set for a WBTB) goes off...dream gone and yay!...I did a RC in case of false awakening.

Maybe, if the dream had gone on, I might have turned around and found everybody else had stopped and were perhaps staring coldly at me...

Downhill from then on, with the snuffles dragging out my back-to-sleep time by at least an hour.

6.15
A fragment. In a phone box I find a set of headphones and a watch and I like to think that I left them there because of my basic honesty...although I somehow seemed to wonder if they had been left there as some kind of trap???

Little Darlin' - The Original Diamonds (2004) - YouTube

Just one dream today because, just when things were starting to roll, I had to get up relatively early. Apart from the occasional very early dream I often don't get much till my set alarm time, because I don't push it now during the early hours...let the brain do its night-time maintenance...and it pays off because, so far, I haven't had one of those awful "feeling ill" episodes.

7.00 (after a WBTB)
Long drawn-out gunfight (DS=violence) in a very busy town...only it's between me and my grandson and against my oldest son (absolutely no conflicts in my family so I'm assuming that Ed's film budget was pretty tight) There was another character (who apparently gave me his gun) but the rest were just cheap DC extras.

At one stage one of my long distance shots clearly wounded my son (sorry son...I didn't write the script) After some skirmishing we eventually all met up together again and there wasn't a mark on my son, so Ed clearly couldn't afford a continuity girl either.

I quite often get an early dream that is less than an hour after I've fallen asleep so I wonder if they are in NREM sleep.

I currently still have a major problem with nasal congestion which is wrecking most of my night-time attempts at dream recall, but I managed to grab one at the very top of the night.

9.00AM
A young beautiful woman is attracted to me...a sign of how ridiculous dreams can be. There was no sex but some kissing and the advantage of dreams is that (a) you don't feel guilty and (b) you can't be arrested...yet.

There was what seemed like a very weak separation scene (I don't recall saying "this can't go on...I'm too old for you." Perhaps she did...maybe my dream "nasal snuffling" finally turned her off) I think we were at an airport and she's moving off and I hang back, not wanting to seem that I'm following her. But she turns back and tells me that she's going somewhere to load some Christmas carols onto her phone and she wants me to tell her my favourites??????

Ed...is that the best you can do? Not even a decent soundtrack. She wasn't my type being (a) too young (b) beautiful. I've always preferred the older fuller-figured woman (but she had to be reasonably attractive...i.e better looking than Sylvester Stallone...as he is now) She looked a lot like Clara from Dr Who...so maybe I was playing the Dr (nice casting Ed. I got 14 years younger)

I'm making serious efforts to get over my current recall problems and outside distractions. Apart from the new mattress I've bought a silk sleep mask to counteract the blazing global-warming dawns streaming through my (lined) curtains. I'm waiting for the NHS to creak into action and confirm a specialist appointment, to confirm whether it's dust allergy or something more serious..

I've also ordered £150+ worth of air-purifying equipment for my bedroom. That will remove dust etc down to 3 microns. All that might do the trick. My sensitivity to REM arrival is now back to previous levels and I'm loving the long riverside walks (where the sight of me moving thoughtfully along like an intense philosopher and clearly talking to myself must cause some amusement)

If all else fails, there's plan K...we're moving to the coast next year. Our part of Essex was recently designated by the World Health Authority as the most polluted area of England...small wonder. For 100+ years the Essex marshes have been London's rubbish-dumping ground (heaven knows whats down there) Also, we're downwind of the Capital and, it that wasn't bad enough, we're under the flight-paths of three major airports. I'm living in England's Chernobyl !

So...not good, but nowhere near over. I'm in no rush. I may disappear from here for days or even weeks at a time but, barring the unforeseen I'll pop up whenever I've got some new development or a half-decent dream. Ever onward!

Last night I moved my sleep time back to 10PM because the traffic outside my room get's busier from 7AM onwards. (although I doubt that I'll do that every night) I spent the next 2+ hours merely dozing. I'd set my alarm for 3.AM (that usually means I get no awakenings before the alarm but that's OK) I did a short WBTB

4.15
Fragment. In a dark place. Two men who were part of "my team"? were there and I warmly greeting one of them. He then dashed off somewhere and I turned to the other one and started talking to him...but he seemed non-committal.

5.30
In another darkish place with a load of people and their baggage (airport?) I sense that one of my bags has been stolen and I start to grub around, searched the vast piles of other people's baggage, trying to find it...everyone seemed unfazed by me rooting through their bags.

I shouted that my bag had been stolen and a woman said "are you saying that a dirty gypsy took it?" I protested that I'd hadn't said anything like that. (this is my major dream sign...looking for something)


8.00
(This one's outrageous) I'm in a large factory workshop (DS) A large crowd of engineers sit around at their tea break (good old traditional British dream). They have strange kettles...large, with a bulbous middle. I hear someone mention about "dreams" and my ears prick up (really?)

I cross over and start talking to him about dreams and I say something like "dream characters are supposed to make pretty meaningless conversation but you're making perfect sense." and he agrees (well he would wouldn't he?) His face is seriously distorted. (I trained myself to look for hands, not faces)

I would be crushed by this dream but I had one last time where the word "dream" was mentioned. I know from reading here and from past experience that DS's are useful, but by no means guarantee lucidity ...awareness does (which is why I'm working on it) Then you usually know when you're lucid.

The incident about my missing shirt on 15/9/14 that triggered my "flash" lucidity isn't one of my dream signs...merely something from one of my previous dreams. I've avoided making it a DS and I'm wondering if DS's for me are a bit of a waste of time...they generally just slap me in the face like a wet fish.

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