Mydera

Dream One: I'm in the car in the backseat with my mom Driving. Apparently we're going to visit my family in SC. We're in the driveway of the house I lived in before my parents divorced, ad my mom is waiting for her best friend, her best friends mom, and a man and his son that in the dream I think is her boyfriend and his son. I think I woke up, but only half way here because the next thing i know I'm laying in what I think is the crawl space for that house with my husband. I'm telling him how when my brother and I were kids we always felt like this house was creepy and had bad energy, so we decided there must be a body in the crawl space. For some reason though, the crawl space has a concrete floor, and I realize this isn't a crawl space at all, it's the basement. Then I see a cat running around, and it reminds me of sesame street. I start wondering what it'd be like if there were sesame street characters here, and the next couple minutes of the dream are spent "watching" sesame street characters wander about the house looking for a grown up. Then one of them has to go to the bathroom, and starts crying. The dreams switches back to first person and I'm walking up to the purple sesame street monster and asking what's wrong. It's afraid It'll get poop on it's fur when it goes to the bathroom, . I try to take it to the bathroom anyways, but then Chewbacca is in the bathroom, and he's got a solution for the fur problem. He's got a zipper installed in his fur so he can unzip his bottom area and go. I leave the sesame street monster in the bathroom with Chewie, he's better equipped to handle this situation than I am. I walk back out to the driveway and see my mom. She's talking about packing the car, and I grab a bag and start helping her pack. Then she starts talking about the man in the chewbacca costume. She's marveling at how the dude still fit sin the costume when he's gained 30 pounds. I say I wish I could still fit in my clothes if I'd gained that much weight, that's crazy! I wake up, lol.


Dream Two(Fragment): I didn't take any notes on this one -_- I was at a school with my mom and my used to be step brothers and sisters. The youngest step sister goes down an escalator because she's looking for something. The rest of us "kids" follow her, leaving my mom and some man upstairs. When we catch up to the youngest, we find that we can't get back upstairs to my mom because the escalator only goes one way, down! In the end, I somehow mange to send my mom a telepathic message that we're downstairs and can't get back upstairs and they come downstairs to find us. I woke up as soon as they made it to us.

Adding in the dream from my nap

I was playing Assassins Creed II doing the "capture the flag" race I had done last night. Instead of racing a guard though, I was racing this big hulking red demon guy with horns and a giant ax. I kept having to restart the mission because I'd kill the demon guy, or get killed myself. At one point, instead of a flag, we were trying to capture a bowling ball and it rolled into the waterways. I dove into the water to get it, but the demon guy couldn't swim, so I had all the time in the world to explore (well, until I woke up anyways) I found that under the water was a big modern day city in ruins. I was swimming around the tall building and admiring how much seaweed had grown up on them and even thought for a moment that I saw a yellow bus. Then I remembered I needed to check my map to see where the bowling ball went. I woke up when I started back to find the target, lol.

Again mostly dream fragments. I've been too distracted to think much about dreaming lately and it shows. It's starting to bug me though, so I'm going to pick up the reality checking habit and note taking again. Especially since the whole thing that got me distracted was spurred by dreams anyways, lol.

Dream One(Fragment): I'm driving around an unfamiliar city looking for the building my BFF works at. I find it, and think it looks different from how I imagined it, then I wake up.

Dream Two(Fragment): I'm in a car with my dad, he's taking me to a Def Leppard Concert. Everyone is wearing shirts with American flags on them. I feel out of place because my own shirt doesn't have one.

Dream Three(Fragment): I'm watching as a pokemon, Scyther, breaks into a lab and is trying to bust a Hitmonchan out of a cage.

Dream Four(Fragment): I'm in the kitchen in the house I lived in as a teen. The dead friend I've been dreaming about a lot lately is texting me. Apparently he's done something wrong and he's going to jail for four years. I'm sad at first because I won't see him for four years because of this, but then I'm happy when I realize that means I will see him again in four years! I wake up really happy, then realize that it was just a dream and he's really still gone forever and very nearly miss crying.

My recall is terrible lately, and I'm not sure why. Yesterday I didn't recall anything. Today I can only remember two dreams, and only parts of those

Dream One: I get a call from people mentioned in an entry a few days back. L calls me, and wants me to come over and hang out. In the dream my kids are napping, so I leave them with my grandmother and go visit L. When I get there, I realize that L and B live together, and for some reason I think this is odd. I feel like B had a crush on L, because B is gay, and I wonder how the whole living together when L isn't is working out. I wonder if L even knows B likes him, but decide not to say anything. We hang out, and L is a lot more playful and cheerful than I ever thought he was (again, L was a friend of a friend that I lost years ago, I never really knew him well, just saw him with the friend every now and then. I don't really know what his personality is like, just what I assumed it was like from what I saw when I saw him with the friend. I have no clue why he keeps showing up in my dreams :/ ) For some reason we go outside, and there's a swimming pool with a cargo net hanging above it so you can limb the net and fall into the water. L climbs it, and jumps down, ridiculously jovial the entire time. I keep wondering to myself, was he always this happy? And I feel completely out of place because I'm not an athletic person, and I really don't see what's so fun about climbing a net and falling back into the water over and over again. B is standing back looking pretty smug, so I step back to talk to him, and somehow the conversation drifts to the crush it seems like he has on L. He tells me he did have a crush on L, but doesn't so much anymore. Then he tells me that he's glad I'm not having as much fun with L because he was afraid L and I would become good friends and he would have been really jealous of that. L comes back in, and I ask him what kid of job he has that he can afford a pool w/ a cargo net. He tells me he's buying and reselling houses, and I find that odd considering the current economy. Then I wake up before I can question it enough to become lucid.

Dream Two (fragment): I'm in bed with someone, snuggling up against him. It's daylight in the dream though, and I have no clue who the person was as I never saw his face. I feel like I'm at some sort of convention or something, but it's weird, like it's more about music that Anime or Manga, so maybe it wasn't a convention but a music festival or something. The door opens, and some friends who I don't actually talk to, just chat on FB a lot with, come in the room. They want up to hurry up and wake up and get ready to go down to the street where there's going to be a party? I think one of the friends was going to paint our faces because she's a face painter.

Dream One(Fragment): I'm in a house, talking to a woman. Suddenly I have a "vision" of a small boy being killed. I ask her where her son is, and she tells me he's with his older brother outside. I rush outside to make sure the little boy is ok, but instead find that the older brother is indeed murdering the younger brother, stabbing him over and over violently. The little boy is laying on a stone alter, I figure that's probably important b/c it would mean he's a sacrifice of some sort. It was still very disturbing.

Dream Two: I am at a cook out of some sort that it seems my BFF's mom is hosting. I'm standing by the grill taking to Ambies's mom and her boy friend. Then I need to go to the bathroom. I leave the bathroom, and Ambies goes in behind me. As I'm walking through the living room to go outside, I notice that on the tv screen I can see Ambies's reflection in the mirror, and rationalize that somehow her phone has synced with the TV and her camera has turned on and if showing her getting ready to go to the bathroom in the reflection. I turn off the TV before she even gets her pants unbuttoned, and then go outside. We start hearing wolves outside, and then Ambies's mom freaks out about their dog running around and how it's possible it could be eaten by wolves. We all go inside, and call the dog in with us. Then Ambies and her mom start talking about seeing a psychic, and how she gave them a potion so they'd dream the future. They give me a small heart shaped bottle and tell me that it's the potion, they got some extra for me. I'm nervous to take it, think it'll make me sick or mess up the dreams I already have. I drink it, then wake up.

Dream Three: I'm in a building where they're having elections for some sort of student office. Then all hell breaks loose and one of the candidates goes missing. When everything calms down, they give his job to someone else. I go upstairs, and then a guy busts through the wall. It's the missing student, and he doesn't know that everything is ok now and the offices are decided. He's freaking out that everyone get to the gym for the elections, and so we all go to calm him down. I remember stopping at one point and yelling loudly that everyone return to the gym for re-elections.

Dream One: I'm in a parking lot with my husband. He's driving his Camaro. We pull into a parking space by pulling through an empty space behind it. We sit there for a couple minutes, watching some sort or ceremony or happening in the parking lot. I get bored and say lets go. When My husband pulls out though, the back of the car somehow just barely scrapes the car beside us because the car is parked over the line into our space. My husband curses, and I ask what happened, and he explains. I tell him to keep driving because it's not his fault someone parked in our space (my dream self is horrible, lol. In real life I'd never do this, I'd wait until the person came out and apologize and exchange insurance info at least!) As we drive off, I hear someone say, "Hey man! My car!!!" We think we got away, but a pair of headlights starts following us. My husband says he's going to jump out and open up a nearby shop and make them think he's someone else and the shop will pay for it. I tell him we should just make a lot of quick turns until we lose them. He jumps out anyways, so I take the car and start doing the quick turns. I think I've lost them, and go back to pick him up... except they car has stopped at the shop he was going to open and the guys had gotten out and started talking to him. My Husband has apparently told him we'd pay for the damages, and I get pissed and tell them no we won't/ They're the idiots who parked wrong, it was their fault. The guys then point to a friend of theirs who's sobbing desperately and grunting. They start telling me this sob story about how this is their buddy and he doesn't even speak, they're had to teach him all this stuff and they work so hard to make him happy and he really like riding in the car... and I stop the guy midsentence and ask him, "Wtf does this have to do with the car being scratched? Because the scratch it's going to prevent you from driving it." I start to storm back to my car, and the guy spins me around and tells me to man up and accept our responsibility for scratching his car. I look at him dead in the eyes and say, "No. If you'd parked like a man and parked your car correctly, this wouldn't have happened! I refuse to accept responsibility for your stupid mistake." I was so mean, lol. Then I told my husband we're leaving and jumped in the car. The guys didn't stop then though, they followed us to the car, and kept begging us to pay for the scratches, this time claiming they have no money to fix them. To which I reply they couldn't have gotten such a fancy modded car i they had no money, and that my own car was in major disrepair, paint peeling and everything, and I definitely don't have money to fix their car for them. Then I start to drive off (not trusting my husband to drive anymore, lol) We stop at the crying guy and one of his buddies though, and I ask them for their e-mail address and tell them I will contact them if I change my mind. I wake up, and the first thought in my mind was, "Holy cow, that was so our fault!" lmao

Dream Two: I'm at a store with my husband and son and daughter. We're looking through the Monster High Dolls because my little girl LOVES those, and I'm looking for some that she doesn't have. Instead, I find there are a ton of different clothes and such for them... which as far as I know doesn't exist in waking life. I see a big box of Crayola products too, and I want to buy it, but my husband won't let me. There's also a package of doll clothes made of paper that you color yourself to put on the dolls. I think that would be awesome, but my husband won't let me get it for my daughter either.

Dream Three: I'm at my other Grandparents house, and apparently we're living with them and not the grandma I'm living with now. In waking life though, those grandparents were always stable and didn't need anyone to help pay their bills, and they've been dead for a while now. In the dream my grandpa was building a couple of little rooms in the basement for us to live in. It's done by the time the dream starts though, so I'm walking downstairs to check it out. I marvel at how they got so much done in half a day, and if it was this easy why didn't they do this before?! My aunt laughs and says that's what grandpa was saying. Grandpa walks by, but he can't talk, he's just groaning and grunting. I am worried about this, but my aunt says that's just how he is now. Then she starts talking about my daughter and for some reason she thinks my daughter has a trech in her throat, and I tell her now she has a... and then I can't remember what was wrong with her (because in waking life, there's nothing wrong with her at all, she's a happy healthy kid) Then my aunt starts talking about getting an easy bake over for my daughter, but she's only 3 so I'm not sure that's a good idea. I wake up.

Last night's dreams were weird for me in the fact they seemed almost normal. I'm used to crazy stuff happening, and I think those situations are actually somewhat plausible except for a few details like which grandparents we were with and such.

Dream One: I'm in some strange place, in the dream it reminds me of a community theater that I used to act in when I was in high school. Awake, it looked nothing like the place, lol. I'm texting the friend of a friend who passed away (and since they keep appearing in my dreams I'm going to call the friend who died C and the friend of C I'm going to call L) I can't remember much of what we're texting. I know I'm sending him pictures of things around me, and we're just kind of shooting the breeze, much like I do with my own best friend. For some reason there are 6 bathtubs in the room, each one in a different pastel color (blue, yellow, green, pink, etc etc etc) They are also numbered. I decide to take a picture of them and send them to L. I send him a picture of the first three, and he tells me he wants to see what number 6 looks like. I go to take pictures of the last three, but then realize that there are 9 and not only 6 and I wonder how i missed that to begin with. Then an old "frenemy" (a guy who was either my good friend or worst enemy, but not usually in between and constantly shifting roles) shows up (I'll call him B). He's now friends with L, and I suddenly wonder if he has ever said mean things about me to L because I'm not sure if he's my friend right now or enemy. I feel like becoming friends with L is going to make B give me trouble again. Anyways, when B shows up, I get all nervous and uncomfortable, and then B lets it drop that L has hurt his leg or something and can't hang out and be fun. I worry about this, but B doesn't tell me what happened, he's that kind of person that enjoys seeing others fret. So I go to text L and ask him what happened, but my phone is suddenly on a call with him. We both say hey, and then he starts to say something, but a little kid walks up to me adorably, and I blurt out "Hey little guy! are you lost?" then L is confused and asks if I just called him a little guy, I laugh and explain that no, I'm talking to a little kid that just walked up to me. Then I tell him I have ADD and my brain skips back and forth between what I'm supposed to be paying attention to and what's around me. But I'm still paying attention! He laughs and says ok, then starts to talk again but this time I see a unicorn and I'm in awe and interrupt him again telling him I'm seriously looking at a real live unicorn right now! Then, I feel bad for interrupting him again and apologize and promise not to do it again. I walk over to a wall where all I can see if the wall and not be distracted and ask him what happened to his leg. He tells me that he got drunk with B and B actually accidentally shot him with something. It didn't like break the skin, but left a huge bruise and swelling that's causing him to limp. This distresses me and I spin around to look at B, but he's not there anymore. Instead I see the kid and the unicorn and I have to Awwww about the kid petting the unicorn. Then L laughs again and tells me that I'm entertaining to talk to because he doesn't know what to expect to come out of my mouth next. I wake up.

Dream Two: I'm walking into a mall looking place, and I think I'm some sort of agent, or maybe I'm just looking for a missing agent. I find the agent I'm looking for, and tell him he's being looked for. He starts off down to an ally, and I follow him but I don't think he realizes I am. He goes down a secret staircase, and I follow there too. When I get into this base, I realize I shouldn't be here and leave. When I get back up to the street I walk back towards the mall like building. A security guard sees me, and starts chasing me though! I run down the street, and somehow end up in on a country dirt road. There's a cop car behind me, and I'm somehow outrunning it. A farmer steps into the road behind me between me and the cop car, and starts asking the cop what he's doing. The guy buys me time to disappear into the corn, and I'm really grateful. I decide to go back to the mall thing and try to find the agent again and ask for him to help me find a place to hide. When I get back to the mall though, a middle aged woman is standing at the door. She says she's been waiting for me, and then she literally shoots her hands off in my direction. I dodge them, and run into the mall hoping to find a place to hide from her and still look for the agent guy. The woman follows though, and her hands keep regrowing on the ends of her wrists and she keeps shooting them at me. I make my way through the mall dodging her hands and shooting beams of energy back at her from my own hands. I get fairly deep into the mall, and then there's an even older woman in there that the middle age woman calls mom. Apparently the middle age woman is asking her mom for advice on exterminating me since she keeps missing. I take that moment to run back towards the exit of the mall. I run right into the agent guy, who causes a big explosion, and then half picks me up and runs so he's sort of carrying me but my feet are still dragging the ground but I'm facing backwards so I can't regain my footing and run myself. When we get outside, he lets go of me and tells me to follow him. He climbs up a wall, and I follow. We jump over a couple of small squares made by this big fence and people are inside those squares. In one there's a few people all making out and in another a guy is sitting on a bench. He looks up at me and asks if I am who he's waiting for, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I keep following the agent, and he leads me back to his secret stairs and down into an underground house. He brings me into a small den barely six by six feet, only big enough for a couch and a lamp table. He asks me if I'm ok, and I tell him I am. He asks me if I've ever been here before, and I tell him that I actually followed him earlier down here, but then left b/c I knew I didn't belong. He tells me that I do belong there, and that I should have stayed where I'd be safe. Then he pulls me closer and kisses me lightly, then I wake up.

Dream Three (Fragment): I'm shopping with my BFF and I find lots of My Little Pony shirts, but they're all Generating three ponies.

Dream Four (Fragment): I'm at my mom's house. A girl needs to use the bathroom, but the window has no binds so I have to hold a piece of paper over the window for her to have her privacy.


I didn't type this entry backwards, I really did have my longer more detailed dreams earlier in the night and the fragment this morning. Last night was weird for me, lol.

Not much to report as I was visiting family the last couple days and just didn't sleep enough to dream. I'm actually writing from my phone right now, lol. I had a nap today and dreamed:

I'm walking by an outdoor shower, and there's someone inside that I feel an intense loathing for (but I never saw who) I tie something to the showerhouse that I know will call down a dangerous and volitile being that wwill hurt this person. I run fast away hoping that I can escape before it shows up incase it attacks whever is around not the intended target. I find myslf walking in circles thinking I'm going straight and keep ending up at the shower house. Then a beingof white light tells me I need to run before it gets me and leads me home. The being is male, and I think it was vesta but if so its the first time he's appeared in such a form. He never scolded me for summoning a bad entity to hurt someone either, and I felt terrible about it upon waking at the dream house my neighbors are loud when I walk outside to help my husband carry in groceries. The neighbors turn out to be my moms friend in scotland and his family. When I woke up for real, I had a message from him on facebook. It was the first I've gotten from him in months so that was an awesome coincidence! Unless of course, you don't believe in coincidences

Mostly fragments last night

Dream One (Fragment): It's my birthday, and I want to talk to my BFF about something more than anything. I can't remember what I want to talk to her about, but I remember constantly hoping she'd call me.

Dream Two (Fragment): I'm in a HUGE house, and there's a fire. I'm trying to help my mom rush a bunch of little kids out of the house to safety, but there are so many trying to get out at once that they're actually acting like a bottle neck and blocking the doors. I get a large cup and start filling it with water and dousing the flames. Somehow I manage to put the fire out with this little cup, and some insurance people are there as soon as the fire is put out. I start walking them through the house to show them the damage. Luckily it's only really damaged in one small spot, but that little area goes up several floors, like it was a pillar of fire that didn't expand, just grew taller.

Dream Three (Fragment): I'm in a car, and I look up at the sky and I can see the milky way. It's very brightly emphasized and looks like something out of a movie rather than real life. I've never seen it so bright and clearly defined even living out here in the country. Then I'm at some sort of funeral for someone I don't know. I get that it's some kid who died in a car crash though, and it reminds me too much of the friend who died and was mentioned a few dreams back when I started having overly emotional dreams I couldn't handle. I walk out of the funeral, feeling like I need to be alone. I walk outside and sit down at a picnic table and look back up at the milky way marveling at it again. Just when I start to feel at peace, someone comes up from behind me and I feel really stressed and like I really want to get away.

Dream Four (Fragment): I'm watching as this girl with long blond hair is driving around. Ultimately she makes a big circle by taking several back roads. She's talking to herself, stressing out about how can she, someone who loves cats, fall in love with someone who hates cats? Then she turns on the radio, and someone says something like, "Where we still have the same six classes we had when you were in kindergarten. That's what makes us a small town, nothing ever changes."

Dream Five: I'm walking up to this big decrepit house in the middle of a clearing. There are Elephants and Giraffes grazing in the clearing too. In the dream, someone in my family has died and this was their house. I Don't remember this relative at all, but my mom insists I used to stay here as a kid. When I walk in, the whole place is weird. There is a tarp set up looking sort of like a bridge, so I wonder if the guy who lived here played laser tag or something, but when I try to walk across the "bridge" it dips, and I find a sign that says "turn on hose". When I turn on the hose, I find that it's a redneck water slide, not a bridge at all. I spend a good bit of time wandering the house and finding all kinds of cool things that are strange for some old guy to have. There are all kinds of My Little Pony things, as well as some anime stuff I enjoyed as a kid like "My Neighbor Totoro" and "Kiki's Delivery Service" At some point in the dream I find a bag of stuff that I recognize as things from my early teen years, and suddenly I "remember" this uncle or who ever that died and staying here years and years ago. I get sad, and want to leave, so we do. I don't know how we end up in a car, but we're in a car driving through a big city next, trying to find our way home. At some point we get out and walk through a tunnel, and there are people in the tunnel with heat guns blowing heat on tubes of water claiming that they are going to make rainbows with heat.

I didn't imagine I'd have such good luck the first night trying to dream again, lol. The last dream is a lucid, the first one... is almost lucid?

Dream One: I'm walking through the hall, I think I'm looking for my older brother... except I don't have an older brother, lol. A Guy with long dark hair is behind me, he reaches out his hand to me and tells me he can help me find who I'm looking for, but because we're asleep I'll have to follow him into the land of nod to reach him. I take his hand, and he walks me through a wall. Once we make it through the wall, everything takes on a darker shadowier appearance. I get cold, really really cold and start shivering. The man leads me to a bed, and he tells me that I need to lay down b/c I'm sick and I have to be healed first. He pulls the bed covers down, and I crawl into the bed, then he pulls the covers over me. I instantly feel so much warmer. He walks around the foot of the bed, grabs something off a dresser at the lower right corner of the bed, then walks back up on the right side of the bed. I'm laying on the left side, so he sit son the right side and leans towards me. In his hand is what looks like one of those little tag readers that my kids have, but he's calling it a thermometer. He lifts my arm, and pokes my under arm with the little pen thing. It beeps and some lights go from red to yellow to green. Then he takes it back to the dresser and sets it down, and grabs my cell phone of from the dresser. He brings my cell phone to me, and lifts the covers of the bed. He then pulls up my nightgown so that everything below my belly button is exposed. He sets the phone between my belly button and pubic bone, and makes it start vibrating continuously. He then pulls my underwear down and starts gently blowing on me. It's really weird, but still exciting and I almost wake up fading to the black and then appearing right back in the dream scene. First I realize my stomach ache is actually gone now (I really had a stomach ache when I went to bed last night). Then I realize that I'm laying in that bed with my covers on, and there's no one there. I see a picture on the wall of the pokemon Dratini, and I kind of find it funny because I know this is a dream world and I'm dreaming of pokemon. I don't however realize I can control the dream at this point. I notice that I'm already dressed, and decide to walk around in this land of nod to find the older brother (that I don't have, lol) I walk through the door into the hallway, and I see my grandmother. Then I see a pudgy little child with a buzz cut, he was definitely younger than my son who is 5, but seemed older or maybe just smarter than my daughter at 3. Anyways, I start to walk towards the child, and then he/it turns dark green, and smiles with big creepy fangs and his eyes turn completely white and glow. It runs towards me super fast like it's about to attack me. I wake up freaked out.

Dream Two (Fragment): I'm walking through the woods with my mom. A Yellow and black snake slithers past us, then there are tons of them all over the path. Mom is freaking out because she's terrified of snakes, but I keep trying to tell her they are harmless garter snakes (I've only seen grey garter snakes, but I looked it up and sure enough there are garter snakes that look like they did in the dream )

Dream Three (Lucid!): The dream starts out with me walking on a country road by a local country restaurant. I'm pushing a bike, apparently I can't ride it because I'm carrying something and I'm afraid I'll drop or spill it if I do. I'm staring at the ground, and I notice the shadow of a guy with long hair walking towards me, I don't look up or anything just keep walking. I notice the same shadow comes up from behind me, and I stop to look up at why I'm being followed. The guy is very thin, and has dark hair to his shoulders. I ask him why he's following me, and he asks if I don't remember him. I say no, an he starts saying we were good friends. I don't recognize him, so I ell him he must be mistaken. Then he starts telling me a bunch of embarrassing stuff that only my best friends would know, and I tell him to shut up I believe him and I do not want to be embarrassed anymore. He laughs, and somehow the bike is gone but I don't notice it. The guy takes my hand and leads me into a yard, and I know this is my yard somehow. He walks me over to the house, and we climb up a ladder onto the roof and sit on the roof for a bit. I know we talked, I just can't remember what about. Then he says we should get down, and we jump off the roof into the backyard, and he takes my hand and pulls me to face him, then grabs the other hand. He smiles like he's got nothing to say, maybe he just enjoys standing there looking at each other. Then I hear a noise from the right, and it's a couple of police officers. They're saying he needs to come with them for questioning. I ask why, and they say they need a dna sample and to ask him about some crime. I don't want them to take him though, so I reach into my pocket and pull out a knife. I grab the guys hand and cut the tip of his finger, then tell them there's their DNA sample, take it and get lost. They refuse however, saying that he has to come to the station in person so they can take a sterile sample. He ruffles my hair, and tells me to relax its ok. Then he tells the police that he needs to step inside for a moment and he'll be happy to come along. He walks inside the house, and I'm standing there not sure what to do for a moment, then I decide to follow. I took too long however, and he passes me inside the hall on my way inside. He says he'll see me later, and tells me he left something for me inside the bedroom. The police grab each of his arms, and lead him out. I walk back to the bedroom, that has a double bed against the right wall, and a computer desk against the back wall as well as another one against the left wall. On the desks and the bed and the monitors are big pieces of printer paper, all with the words, "I love you" written on them. My husband walks into the room, and so does my daughter. My husband comments on the notes, he says something like how they were over kill and there were so many of them making a mess. He doesn't seem angry though like he should be. I start flipping through the papers on the desk, and I find a paper with the name Kelly written on it, and I wonder if my name in this dream is supposed to be Kelly. That's when I realize I'm dreaming. I start looking around now, admiring the dream scape. I notice that the speakers on the desk have on of my friends names written on it, and I haven't talked to this friend in years so I wonder why his name is on it. Then my daughter starts saying, "Carry me, carry!" so I pick her up, and tell her Mommy is dreaming! I remind myself I need to do something that's on my goal list, but I can't remember what's on my goal list. I decide I'm going to try to grow wings and a tail and a scythe since I've done it in a previous dream, but the scythe wasn't right. I wanted to perfect it. I walk to a door, and realize I'm supposed to be on the second floor of this house. I tell myself when I open the door, it's going to lead to a balcony (even though I know I hadn't seen one earlier in the dream). It works, and I'm on a balcony with a swing when I walk out the door. I set my daughter down and tell her mommy had to go try to work on her dream goals, and she says, "Awwwwww, okay." all dejectedly, it was cute and sad, but I wasn't going to let a dc ruin my lucid, even if it was my daughter. First I try to imagine what having wings would feel like, but I just can't concentrate enough. I then think I'll stand on the swing and swing it so I can feel the wind passing over my body and pretend I'm already flying. That doesn't help me grow those wings. Then I'm like, Screw it, I'm just going to jump off this balcony and if I don't fly then I'll crash. I look off the edge of the Balcony though and realize it's concrete. I worry that if I hit concrete it'll make me wake up. I walk to the far right of the balcony, and see grass and bushes below there. I decide that a jump from this height into those bushes would result in broken bones at the worst, and I won't wake up from bones broken in a dream. I jump, and I do fly! But there's no wings, instead I'm flying like superman minus the cape, lol. I realize that my legs are dragging though, so I try to pick them up and balance myself like if I was trying to float on my belly in a pool. Then I decide I want wings still, but I can't get them to appear still. Annoyed, I see a orange cliff ahead and decide to fly as high up it as I can, and then try to imagine how my wings would feel if I was diving towards the ground from that height and flexed them to glide away from the ground at the last minute. This sort of works, only I can feel my wings, I just can't see them. They're invisible wings! I fly around in circles a bit, and a cat is below me and chases my shadow all cute like. Then I realize I've been wasting a lot of time, if I want to see the dream guy again before the dream is over, I have to go. I keep worrying that I'm going to wake up at any time, but push on anyways. I fly back towards the house, then past it towards the restaurant, then past that to another orange cliff, as if the entire dream scape is surrounded by these orange cliffs. I see a gap in the cliff about four feet wide, and fly towards it. Inside the gap is a set of stairs, but I fly up them rather than walking them. The cat is still chasing my shadow, so at the top of the stairs I pull a door out of the cliff to block the stairs so the cat can't follow me and distract me. To get any deeper into the cap though, I have to go through a door as well myself. I try to imagine my scythe, but can't see it. I decide that since I can feel my wings but not see them, the scythe too is invisible, and I can make the motions like I'm cutting the door and it'll work... and it does, I bust the door down with the invisible scythe, and step through. Inside I can see the guy from earlier signing some papers and the cops are just lounging on a couple of couches. The guy smiles at me and tells me he knew I'd come to find him, and that he's done giving his blood sample so he can leave now. I tell him that I'm worried that the dream is about to end, and that I was hoping for some sort of romantic action before it ends. He laughs at me, and tells me there's a bedroom in the back. I look back, and for some reason I'm sure if I go back there I'm going to see myself in sleeping in bed with my husband and I won't be dreaming anymore. I tell him I'm scared I'm going to wake up if I go back there, and then I do wake up.

Usually In my dreams I lean more towards wanting romantic interactions rather than lusty ones, but last night apparently was a different story, lol. Still, other than being slightly out of the norm for me, these were pretty fun dreams to have. It's been a while since I was lucid, and while I didn't do anything of any importance (finding Kurasawa, or trying to share a dream with my BFF, etc etc) I at least got a chance to get away and de-stress a bit rather than being at the whim of my dreams and nightmares.

I haven't been taking my vitamin and my recall is terrible, but it's on purpose. I was having pretty emotionally distressing dreams for a while, even to the point I was dreaming of my kids being stabbed and fighting with my husband and such. Not stuff I wanted to remember or share, lol. Last night I had some fairly decent dreams though, so in order to regain my recall, I might as well type what little bit I can remember.

Dream One (Fragment): I'm in a round ballroom. There are no walls, just stained glass all around. I walk up a curves stairway by one stained glass window. The stairs seem to float, I reach out my hand, and Kurasawa appears in the glass, then takes my hand and I lead him out of the glass, and we walk down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs I start to twirl, and we dance to the center of the floor. I wake up.

Dream Two (Fragment): All I remember is walking up a path going around a mountain, and hearing a hawk to my left. I look up, and see an island floating in a cloud a few hundred feet away. I'm dressed in leather armor with a sword and a bow. I realize that I am going home, to a house in a land in the sky.

I made it a point not to remember most of my dreams last night, I didn't enjoy them and wanted to forget them. Not really nightmares so much as just self issues. I almost didn't type anything, but the last dream I don't want to forget so I'm going to type it anyways, then my interpretation of it, and then if anyone wants to point out something I missed please feel free to do so. Usually others see things I don't.

In the dream, I am with my husband on a street. We're not walking, just standing there together looking into a grassy yard. I get a text, and I tell my husband I'll be right back, and start walking up the street to check my text. Somehow I go from reading a text to actually talking on the phone, but I don't remember how. It was someone I barely used to know, a close friend of a close friend. I knew him through stories, but never really spoke to him. I'm asking him about someone who I believe is staying with him, and he's telling me that she's doing well. During the conversation I'm asking about a woman who I don't recognize in waking life but feel might have symbolized my mom by the characters back story. He's telling me that she's learning to be responsible for herself and that she's really able to take care of herself now, she's not asking others for help and money all the time, but working hard for what she has and learning to manage her money and appreciate things rather than buy crap all the time that she never uses. Then he starts telling me that there's still enough room for me if I want to come stay as well. I refuse, and he continues that no one would mind so long as I was helpful and did my share of work around the house and paid my share of rent. I refuse again, citing my husband and kids needing me as the reason I can't now. In the dream though, I'm more worried about the fact that I haven't had a job in ages and when I did work I never had a good paying job and I feel like I couldn't make. I go back to my husband, and we get in a car and drive home for a moment, just to learn from my grandma that my daughter is at the friend of a friend's house with the woman. We get back in the car and drive to go pick her up and check on the woman whom my grandma praised as we left for really turning her life around. We pull into a driveway, and as we're pulling up a truck is pulling out. Inside the truck is the friend of a friend with a girl, and he waves out the window asking if we're here to visit. My husband says yes, and the guy turns his truck around following us back up the driveway. I feel very awkward and weird about him being in the car with a chic, and I wonder if it's going to bother me if they start kissing or something. When I get out of the car, my daughter runs up to me. She grabs my legs in a hug, and I bend down to hug her back. The friend of a friend walks up behind me to my right, and smiles at me then tells me that she was having so much fun here, and she doesn't have to leave. We don't have to leave, I could stay. Then he turns into Kurasawa, smiling at me and reaching out to hug me. I wake up.

I do often feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life, and even completely useless at times. I haven't worked since I was pregnant with my first and was in a car wreck that kind of made things uneasy for a while. My husband is of the "I'm the man I should take care of the money, you should raise the kids not work" mind set, and up until recently I didn't mind it. I felt like taking care of my kids WAS my purpose in life. But now the kids aren't babies anymore. At 3 and 5 they're being much more independent and actually WANTING to get away and go to school and such, leaving me feeling less involved and useless. I think this dream is showing me that I feel useless and that I feel like I need to get my life back on track, and then it's also showing me that I'm looking for someone to pull me out, help me escape the feeling of being useless and unneeded (which I know I'm needed by my kids, it's hard to explain I guess, but maybe needed by others as well... I want to know I'm having some sort of positive impact on the world) Now I can look back and say, I've known I've felt useless, and the dream is showing me that I'm waiting for someone to pull me out and it's never going to happen because I'll always make excuses. The only one who can make me feel not useless, is myself. Rather than waiting for someone else to come and show me the way out, I need to make it myself.

I fell back asleep eventually and had more dreams, yay! But I woke up hours ago and forgot most of my details, so this will probably be much less detailed than usual.

Dream One: I'm watching some videos on youtube where a girl is attacking my character and saying all these awful things about how I can't lead people and I'm not strong enough to run for class president or something. Then she goes on and on about how I suck at organization and if I'm elected I would ruin their class council. I'm sitting with a blond guy, and at first I'm pretty upset that this chic is dissing me, but then I realize it's actually pretty funny. I don't want to be Class President, and I'm not sure how I got put on the ballet. I'm not campaigning or anything, so I'm pretty sure no one will think to vote for me and I'd lose by default. But this chic apparently feels so threatened by me, she's basing her entire campaign on smearing me instead of making herself look good... and that tactic just shows what a bad person she is. Personally, I'd vote for her opponent just because she's being so mean and horrible, I wouldn't want someone like that representing me. The guy is laughing with me about it all, but he offers the insight that she's the one who put me on the ballet because it would give her a chance to publicly make me look bad. Apparently she's jealous that we're hanging out or something.

Dream Two: There's a voice coming from a chimney, a storm raging outside. The voice claims to be a faerie and it's shouting that evil faeries are trying to get in from the storm and I have to keep them out! The voice starts screaming there are leprechauns in the attic, and my grandma rushes upstairs to run them out, but she doesn't see any. I'm looking all over and I don't see any. SO I get curious about this voice, and it turns out to be a woman hiding in the chimney. She tells me she's channeling the voice of the leprechaun and speaking his words not her own, but I find this hard to believe and part of me thinks she's crazy. I wake up feeling bad for thinking someone was crazy just because I can't see what she can.

Dream Three: I walk into a house with my husband, but the lights are dim and the place is a total mess. It's like what you'd expect College kids to be living in, lol. There are two guys chilling out in there. One has a beanie on and his hair is too short to show under it. The other is also wearing a beanie but he has long curly black hair that's longer than mine has ever been, halfway down his back and so thick and frizzy it's crazy! My husband is talking to the short haired one about getting a tattoo, but the short haired one seems pretty intoxicated. I don't think it's a good idea, but my husband asks for it anyways. I wonder off and run into the long haired guy, he shows me a tattoo he has of a lady bug, and it's actually not all girly like you'd think. I think it's pretty cool, but my husband calls me back to the shirt haired guy, and I hold my husbands hand while short haired dude starts to give him a tattoo of a star on his elbow. Only the short haired dude is so drunk or stoned or both, that he just makes a big inky squiggly line. My husband freaks out because a tattoo is permanent and this guy has made a permanent mess of his arm! The guy with long hair tells him he should have listened to his hot wife, and then offers to try and fade it. He takes us into the kitchen and puts some sort of creme on it. Then we realize my husband's hand is covered in ink, and so are his feet! He's been leaking inky foot prints everywhere he walked. I freak out and start apologizing, but the long haired due tells me to relax, they've already stained the carpets up real bad, they don't mind a couple more, it makes it look like art! Then I wake up.

I'm having trouble sleeping again. It was after 2 am when I fell asleep, and I woke up unable to fall back asleep just before 6. Got up after tossing and turning for an hour, I'll go back to bed after I'm done typing this and hopefully get some more sleep and maybe WBTB will help

Dream One(Fragment): I dreamed of someone I used to know, can't remember the context of this dream.

Dream Two(Fragment): I dreamed my son's guitar was out of tune (it is, but my son is 5 and doesn't know how to play, he just "plays") and that the person from the first dream was tuning it to sound like his own guitar.

Dream Three: I'm laying in bed in the dream, and I get a text message. I check it, and it says, "Would you rather be woken by dogs at the crack of dawn? Or would you like to sleep in and have me wake you up around noon?" I text back I'd like to sleep in... but my husband gets out of bed, and I can't fall back asleep so I get up too. Then we walk into a living room, and it's not ours. I realize this, and I go back to the bedroom, only to realize it's not ours either. There are video game systems in it, and I start trying to turn them off because they're on. Somehow though, I end up accidentally purchasing games for the systems from their online stores, I hear a noise near the door, and I look at it, just to see that there's a door hidden behind the open door. The open door closes to show the door behind it is open, and standing in the door is a blond haired guy. He comes over and sits on the bed next to me, then he asks why I didn't wait for him to wake me up. Then I wake up for real and couldn't fall back asleep.

Last night was upsetting for me, for several different reasons. The one that will affect this entry the most is the fact that while I could recall several fragments when I woke up, I didn't take notes right away and choose instead to go to the bathroom first. In the five minutes it took me to get back in bed, I had forgotten all but one. I'm truly sure the reason the one dream stuck with me was because it was so upsetting to me.

Dream: The begging of the dream I'm in a school of some sort, as part of a class. The teacher is very upset with a student, and decides we're going to take a class trip to that students parents house so she can speak to the student in question. The students house turns out to be across the street and it's actually a thrift shop that my mom took me to recently. Now's where the dream gets clearer and I figure the meaning of it is probably at. I'm walking through this thrift shop, and I'm struck with two thoughts. The first being that I loved this place the first time I visited it because it's full of all kinds of random stuff and hidden treasures. The second thought it that it's so cluttered the way the booths are set up for individual people rather than having all the merch arranged by what it is. I feel annoyed that I might see books or dvds in twenty different booths rather than seeing them all in the same place. Both are things I thought of when I was at this store the first time in waking life as well (I've never been to a consignment shop like that before, lol) Then I feel a mental tugging to my left, and I feel like I should go that way. Part of me is worried about breaking from the group and getting in trouble like the student who's parents we came to see, but then part of me is intensely curious. When I think of the student in trouble, I feel very repulsed and hateful towards them. I feel like being in trouble makes them lesser people, and even go as far as to think of them being trash and that I don't want to be associated with someone like that and I don't want to get in trouble and have people think that way about me. But then that tugging is familiar, there's always a reason for that mental tugging "Go this way" feeling and I hate to ignore it because I know whatever it is will be worth it. I look towards that direction, and see nothing, but then I look back at the class that's starting to walk off, and I decide my curiosity is getting the best of me and I need to go that way. I start walking the direction of the pull, and I see a door. I don't know why I go through it, but I do. I step through the door to the outside, and then the is quickly shut behind me, and I look up to see a guy who's taller than me but what else he looked like I can't remember now. My knees get weak and I find myself half falling half sitting quickly on the ground leaning against the door. I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I suddenly realize how horrible I had been to think badly of the person who was in trouble, even though I didn't even know why they were in trouble or even if the teacher really had a right to be angry. I realize that I was just behaving how the group was because I was in the group, and how I had almost let being part of the group keep me from following my own path to this door. The guy kneels down by me, He stays to my left side, but wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. I think I started crying, but I was trying not to so it wasn't huge sobs, but just tears leaking out of my eyes. The guy tells me that the student who was in trouble was Shane's sibling, and that the parent the teacher was looking for was Shane's mom. If I wasn't crying before, I was then.

((Not part of the dream, but important to the meaning I'm sure. Shane was my best guy friend in high school. He was one of those people who would do anything to make you happy. The first time I met him, he just walked up to me at my locker one day when I was having a horrible day, and he says, "Look what I can do!" Then bashed his head HARD against my locker, laughed, and walked off. I'm sure it hurt, but it just made me feel so much happier, knowing that someone I didn't know noticed I was having a bad day and went to so much trouble to make me laugh. I noticed that he'd do it to other people too, but where as I smiled and appreciated the effort to make me smile, most people got disgusted looks on their faces or just ignored him completely. Eventually he moved on to grabbing me in the hallway for random hugs and messing up my hair. We didn't interact much in person except for those random moments, but we talked online for hours. It wasn't like flirting, he had a girl friend he'd been with for four years and was hopelessly in love with her which ultimately lead to his death in my senior year.He was like the older NICE brother I never had. Then when his girlfriend left him for another guy, he sped off to change her mind. He took a turn way too fast and now he's gone.))

Back to the dream, I felt even worse knowing I had let the "group mind" control the way I was treating someone, especially when I realized that the student in trouble was probably in trouble for being misunderstood rather than having actually done anything to hurt anyone. Shane was often in trouble, but all the things I saw him get in trouble for were things that he did to make others smile, he never hurt anyone. I start to say I didn't know and I wish I'd done something instead of going along with everyone else. The guy tells me it's ok, that this isn't really the students home anyways. He tells me that's ok, and I got away so everything will be ok now. Then he tells me we need to leave, and I notice my kids are there. They've been standing quietly by the wall the whole time and I was so self absorbed thinking about how horrible I was that I didn't even notice. This makes me feel bad again, but I decide to just push it aside because I can't change that I didn't notice them, what I can change is if I continue to ignore them or if I step out of my self absorption and give them the attention they deserve. The guy takes my son's hand, and starts hurrying across the street behind the store. I pick up my daughter and follow him. When we get to the sidewalk on the other side of the street, I set my daughter down, and the guy tells me that he has to go the other way to take care of something else, but not to worry, he'll meet up with me again later. I seem to understand that I need to take the kids somewhere safe where they won't be effected by the group mind like I was, and start to take them to the left. My son gets upset and starts crying, he wants to go right with the guy. He jerks his hand out of mine, and runs back towards the guy. I pick up my daughter and run after him. He's crying into the guys legs, and I wake up.

I'm feeling a combination of depressed and useless right now. I feel like I should be doing something, like I'm supposed to be doing something, but I can't figure out what. Anxiety I guess is the right word. Like I'm wasting my time and not doing what I'm supposed to be... but I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be doing! Also missing Shane right now, and looking at myself trying to figure out how much of "me" is really ME and how much is just me going along with others. This is one of those dreams that has a HUGE impact on my waking life as well.

It was after 2:30 before I fell asleep last night, and the roofers showed up at 7 am. Working with less than 5 hours of sleep, so mostly just fragments today.

Dream One(Fragment): I'm watching videos on youtube... exactly what I did before bed, lol.

Dream Two (Fragment): Images of Spiders and the house we may be moving into.

Dream Three: I'm in a house I don't recognize. In the dream it feels like some sort of group home or something where a lot of people live and pay for a room and use of the common areas as opposed to having their own separate apartments. I look outside and I see a pool that is in total disrepair. I decide to go out and start cleaning it so we can use it. I rake leaves and sticks, then I'm trying to scrape the mold off it and the concrete is whittling away under my scraper. It starts to thunder and rain, so I go back inside. Out the window I can see the driveway is gravel, and the neighbors kids are being dropped off by the bus. I think I'm supposed to baby sit the one kid that I used to baby sit, so I open the door and tell him to hurry up and get inside before he is so wet he ruins the furniture. He tells me his big brother is home so I don't have to watch him today. Then I wake up to the roofers knocking on the door!