Snacks From the Butler's Pantry

I am relaxing with friends at an outdoor bar. We are facing a raised stage that doubles as a counter for the bartender. A band is playing, and people are milling around and dancing. I see a young Asian woman sitting with friends at a nearby table. The way she is looking at me creeps me out. She does not look familiar, but I recognize the look she is shooting me. Where do I know that look from?

The woman and her friends come and sit at our table. The Asian woman sits down between me and my friend. There is not enough room for her, and she has to sqeeze between us. She doesn't say a word, even when my friend tries to talk to her. He makes a joke about her just wanting free drinks from us guys. I playfully pull out a two dollar bill and put it on the table in front of her as part of the joke. She reaches over to me, and grabs my forearm. I am a little uncomfortable, because she still has not said a word. She is giving off this creepy vibe that feels so familiar. Her hand starts to wander, and soon it is in my lap. She starts grabbing me through my pants, and it is very uncomfortable.

Suddenly, I realize that she is a dream character. I pull away from her, and stand up, lucid. I look at her eyes, and there is something wrong with them. They look like an animal's eyes, or a mannequin. I feel much more calm now that I realize this is all a dream. I thank the woman for helping me become lucid, and no longer feel creeped out.

I look around myself, letting the lucidity wash over me. What a great party to be lucid at! A redheaded woman is leading a band, playing upbeat songs. There are tons of good looking girls and guys on the dance floor, and at the outdoor tables. I realize it is very similar to the wedding I was just at last week. I start dancing with some friends, and it feels really good. I am a much better dancer than in real life.

I get a perverted idea, and climb up on the table. I yell, "Everyone, listen up! Time to get Naked!! Girls on the left, Guys on the right! Chop chop people, its Naked Time!" Everyone starts undressing as the band plays. I only let people back on the dance floor when they have removed some clothing. The whole scene doesn't feel sexual at all. It is more of a fun joke. A story I want to tell people later.

I grab my girlfriend, and we keep dancing. I tell her that she and I are the only ones who don't have to get naked. People's clothes keep reappearing, and we have to keep walking around reminding them to take them off. There is a big mess somewhere in the middle of the dance floor where I joke with a couple about their body piercings and tattoos, and we compare the work we've had done. It escalates into a sexual situation, but we don't get far before I decide there is more fun to be had.

I jump up on the stage and yell, "Stop the music!" The record squeals comically, and everyone stops dancing like a bad movie. I turn to the band leader, and whisper to her , "Back to the Future, Baby!" She starts to argue, not knowing what that means. Instead of explaining, I then turn to the crowd, and say into the mic, "Next up, Karaoke."

My girlfriend climbs up on the stage, and starts to sing, "Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News." I jump back into the crowd, and continue dancing. I work the floor with a few windmills, then pop up on the table to do some head spins. I end up doing a hand stand between two tables, with one hand on either table. I then do a handstand push-up that launches me into the air. As my girlfriend belts it out on the mic, I float around the dance floor hovering in mid air, doing the worm and feeling pretty cool.

I wake up, back in bed. I head to the bathroom, and look at myself in the mirror. I look at my teeth, and notice a chip taken out of the front one. I think I must have done it at that great naked karaoke party last night. As I am thinking about the huge dentis bill, I see that all my teeth are transparent, like cheap plastic. I worry for a second, then remember, "Wait, that party was a lucid dream. This must be one too!" I wake up for real, back in bed.

I keep my eyes closed, and reenter the dream. I imagine the feeling of rubbing my hands together while looking at them. It works for a second, and I hear the music start up again. I then slip back awake. I try again, this time imagining rolling side to side. This works even better. I get a good rhythm going, and roll right off the bed and into a midair barrel roll. I throw my arms out to stop the roll, and find myself flying above a huge 2D map.

It looks like a map you would see on a GPS display. I fly down lower, and watch the view change to a street view, like a Google Map. I land in a busy city street, where my girlfriend and my friend Jen are talking. They are discussing what movie they want to see. I refuse to see a movie, saying, "Its my dream, and I don't want to waste it with a movie." Jen agrees, saying she has already seen the movie three times. She explains it is a film about Italian immigrints called Mama Mia. She then sings the annoying and catching stereotypically Italian song, "Mama mia, mama mia." She talks about how much she hates that movie, and hates the song even more. I agree that it is an annoying song.

My girlfriend decides that if we're not going to see the movie, she wants to get some Italian food. I refuse, still wanting to do something fun in my dream. She then pushes me down on the ground, and sits on me. She grows into an enormous fat man with curly hair. She looks like the fat guy from the TV show Lost. I start making fun of her saying, "You still want some food, fatty fatts a lot?" I then start singing the "Mama mia" song again, and reach up to pull her/him close to me. I wrap my arms around her lovingly and whisper in her ear, "Jen is going to hate this..."