memorable

I'm with my wife and a friend of mine and we are visiting this random woman and her young daughter. This woman has large piles of the new yorker magazine and we are making fun of the new yorker. We say that it falls in the pretension line somewhere between the new york times and the weekly world news. People read it on park benches to look smarter than they are. The little girl is laughing and clapping.

We turn on the tv and start watching a movie. The movie is a Rocky movie and i can't tell if it's Rocky 2 or 3. Some of it is about how Rocky and Apollo are going to fight again so i think it's Rocky 2, then there will be a scene where Apollo is training Rocky so i think it's Rocky 3. Then Adrianne says that she thinks it's weird that Apollo is training Rocky when they are preparing to fight. They all laugh at this.

Scene change.
We are at my house, but it isn't my house. People are throwing April and I a house warming party. April is talking to people on the front porch while I am hanging out in the kitchen with a bunch of people i just met for the first time. They are all talking about their drug phases. They say cocaine, shrooms and then one guy says that he very recently tried DXM at a robo party. I chime in to say that DXM used to be my favorite.

Suddenly the girls are squealing and giggling and i see that the guys in the room have all pulled their pants down. The guys stand up and walk over to the girls who are sitting and the guys are jerking off while standing right in front of the girls. The ladies are looking up into the guys eyes while they do this with big smiles on their faces. I say "what the fuck is going on?"

One of the guys says "Look this is cool. This is how things are in the city. Something gets going and you go with it." The women look over at me and nod and smile, then turn their attention back to the guys and start making encouraging noises.

I make my way out to the porch and say, this may be a bit too much for my wife. I pick up an ipod off an outdoor table and put on a random playlist. The song "Tuesday's Gone" starts playing and i look back in the kitchen. The girls and guys are where they were before, now the girls are begging the guys to come. Everyone starts making noise and the guys ejaculate all over the kitchen.

I ask one of the girls to get me a bleach wipe under the sink. She laughs and gets it for me. While i am cleaning, my wife comes in the room and tells me she really likes the song. I say, "it's your ipod."

"Really?" she replies.

I am visiting the home of my high school girlfriend and her husband. They have two small daughters. They have asked me to babysit while they go and celebrate their anniversary. While they are interviewing me for the job I keep morphing into different creatures. When they ask me about my previous experience as a babysitter, I turn into a beautiful naked woman. They are shocked and appalled and while I apologize at first, soon I just become intrigued by my new body. I tell them this will pass and as we continue with the interview, I explore my new body a little bit. Natural C cup breasts and long straight blonde hair.

Then just as they are putting on their coats to leave I turn into a cat. I am now a 40 LB or so big yellow cat with brown streaks. The two little girls are very excited by this and want to play with me. I roll over onto my back and the girls rub my belly. The father goes into the bedroom and gets a very small saddle. He puts the saddle on me and the little girls take turns riding me around the room like a pony. The effect is a little bit like "Cringer" from He-Man.



Since I am a cat I can do things that ponies cannot, such as leap onto furniture and climb up curtains. The girls are having a good time and while I am playing with them in cat form, The parents sneak out of the house.

There is a time slip and the dream cuts to hours later; the girls are asleep and I am back to my regular human, Clothed, form. I am sitting on the couch and watching the home shopping network on television. The parents come home from their anniversary dinner, giggling and excited. The husband tells me they were so inspired by my shape changing earlier, that they did something extra special. Then his wife/my ex takes off her dress and is covered from head to toe in a brand new Dalmatian tattoo. That's head to toe solid white with black spots. My jaw drops in shock.

I wake up

Hanging out with my friend, R Late at night in my living room. I have been sleeping. I wake up lying on the floor. My tv is there but he has also set up a second tv in front of the fireplace. We are watching a cartoon of the knights of the dinner table. I look over and ask him, what's going on with this, where did he get this cartoon? He shrugs. I look at the screen and two teenagers are sitting in the principle's office. One of them is my friend Jared. Jared in staring at his shoes and mumbling incoherently. I say to R, that is a cartoon Jared, this cartoon is in our hometown. R Shrugs.

He is eating a big bowl of scrambled eggs. He is sitting in an easy chair and eating a big bowl of scrambled eggs. I get up and go to the kitchen. In the fridge are big omelets covering all of the other food. I start looking under the omelets for things to eat and find the rice dish I cooked last night. I look back in the living room and there is a commerical for a furniture store.

I say to R, This cartoon is on TV? He shrugs, yeah. That is crazy. I thought maybe you downloaded it or something. I ask R if I can make some eggs to put on top of the cassorole and he says that it's fine. I go to the stove and there are two dirty skillets filled with dried cooked eggs. I ask him why did he cook eggs in two skillets? He says he doesn't know. I look again at the two tvs in the living room and realize that this is very strange and say to myself, I think I am dreaming. I open the glass dish and take a bite of the food to ground myself. It's cold and spicy.

R asks me what time we drove back from our friend's house. I can't remember. He says he has some dvds he wants to watch one of them is of the wedding of Dave and Macey. I say, rusty, dave and macy aren't married, she is going out with john. He says, Oh yeah.

There is one of those green plant sponges on the table in front of us. I point my finger at it and flick. The sponge floats upword into the air. I flick again and it shoots across the room. I curl my finger and It comes back to me and lands in my hand. I am excited and look over at rusty. He is still watching tv. I try to talk but I can't. I mumble in my head that I am dreaming, that this is a dream and on my third try I am able to say to him. R, this is a dream right now, I am dreaming.
He looks at me funny and says How do you know. I say, well first of all you aren't wearing any pants. He looks down and starts to cry. I say it's ok, don't worry about it. I close my eyes and imagine him a pair of shorts. I snap my fingers and when I open my eyes, he is wearing shorts.

I say watch this R, and Point my finger at a blue couch cushion. As I raise my arm the cushion floats up into the air. R gets excited and says, "wow bruh, that's amazing!" I wave my hand back and forth and the cushion shoots all around the room. I let the cushion fall and do the same thing with a fork, this time making it zig zag all over the house.

I walk to the door and open it, now I'm in the parking lot of a mall. It's that kind of dark where the sun has just set. It's raining Big Drops. I walk into the rain and feel the cool water hitting me. There is a lot of people hanging out by their trucks. I see a large roving band of clowns walking around. I say to myself, one of those clowns wants to have sex with me. I walk over to the clowns and see a pretty one. I say hey pretty clown, want to go have sex over by that church? She shrugs and I take her hand.

We walk over to the Chinese restaurant/ church and start making out. I unbutton her clown shirt and beneath it is a zipper. I unzip the zipper and there's still more shirt. She smiles at me and I just pull the shirt over her head. She is wearing an aquamarine bra. I reach behind her to unclasp the bra and can't find the hook. I feel in the front of the bra and find it. I kiss her a little more and pull her pants down. She turns around and bends over and I'm trying to figure out where her vagina is. Eventually we figure it out and start going at it. I look over and see a pretty latina lady sitting on a park bench next to a big stack of fireworks. She's watching and I say to her, look, if you can shoot that roman candle off before I finish, you can join in. She grabs the candle and starts looking through her purse for a lighter, The feeling of sex is too intense and I wake up.

It is a dark dank room with three black podiums in the center. On top of the podiums are bright red game show style buttons with the names of places in front of them. Covering the buttons are glass serving dishes like you cover a cake with. As I look at each button a horrific atrocity flashes through my head. I understand that each button allows me to correct a terrible moment in history, one is a natural disaster, one is a terrorist attack and the third is an unjust war. As I walk to the terrorist attact I see a flash in my head of the ripple effect of history, how in that attack was a little girl who would grow up to me a terrible demagogue. Her reign on this earth would reinstate worldwide slavery. In my mind's eye I see myself chained in a spaceship bound for the sun being killed for dissent.

My old hometown is throwing a film festival at the local movie theater. April and rusty and I have tickets to go see some action flick that I'm not very interested in. Before the movie starts, I tell them that I'm going to the bathroom and sneak to another theater. I am going to see the new tom hanks movie and I'm see jim carrey sitting in a folding chair in the middle of the aisle. Jim carrey is very nervous, constantly shifting his sitting position and chewing on the palm of his hand in an exaggerated fashion. I sit next to him and strike up a conversation. He says hello and we chat a bit about this upcoming film. I tell him that I'm a fan of "Man in the Moon" and "Dumb and Dumber." We watch a bit of the movie and it's not very good. I whisper that I'm going to the bathroom and sneak back to the other movie theater. I tell april and rusty that I'm hanging out with Jim Carrey and that I'll be back in a little while. I get back in to the Tom Hanks movie and Jim Carrey is on screen doing a Fireman Billish Mugging and people are stand up to leave in disgust. Now jim is really freaking out and I sit in an aisle seat a few rows behind him. I see tom hanks sitting there as well.

(something about a teenage girl meeting tom hanks on a rooftop and a very young Forest Whitaker is spying on them. The girl takes her clothes off)

Later April and I are driving to a comedy show. I call my friend Chuck and I tell him about the weird experiences I was having. Suddenly april is driving on an aircraft carrier and is driving too fast to stop in time. The car flies off the ship and into the water. I grab my wallet and my phone and we swim to the ladder and climb back on the ship. We go to a tv/waiting room and take our clothes off and wait for them to dry. A man in a uniform tells me that I shouldn't wait too long to put my clothes back on.

I am part of this experimental theater production that takes place in the banquet hall of a crappy family steakhouse. There is a small stage area in the front of the room and the chairs are all arranged facing the stage like some kind of improvised theatrical space. We are sitting around waiting for something to happen while the general manager of the restaurant paces around the front of the room looking nervous. A girl with short hair and wearing a flannel shirt walks in the room holding a guitar and the manager is excited and says that this is Macey and she is going to run our class, that she is an improv teacher. Macey smiles sheepishly at us and says that she just had band practice and doesn't feel up to teaching today. All of us in the class start stompin our feet and clapping our hands begging her to stay and teach us but she just waves and leaves.

Later my friend Marshall is directing us in a play. He has a giant theater with thousands of seats. The stage is littered with very expensive moving lights and a ratty old gray fabric couch. There is about seven of us on stage and we are all wearing very casual t-shirts and shorts or bluejeans. Everything is painted black. Marshall is directing us on the blocking of a big musical number. He has each person sing or talk a little bit then move over to where they are going to stand on the stage. He gestures to the couch and tells me that it's the most important part of the piece.

He whispers to me that now is when I do my part so I walk over to the center of the stage and all the lights come on. There is a very loud sound like an electrically charged sonic boom and I start to speak. I talk but I don't know what I'm saying and I wave my arms back and fourth. When I am finished the auditoriom, which is suddenly full of people, bursts into giant applause. I look over in the wings to Marshall and he gives me the signal to keep going. Don't stop. The stage goes dark except for one spotlight on the ratty gray couch.

Regular Dream Lucid Dream
R and I a visiting a friend of mine C's apartment but he isn't home. We ride together in an SUV, he's driving. It's nighttime on the highway. We are having an argument and in the heat of the moment he misses a turn and goes through a guard rail. We slide through a muddy field. I am freaking out but I'm not terrified. I get out of the car and tell R that I'm going to find my way.

Now I'm at the apartment. I let myself in. I am feeling filthy so I'd like to take a shower. I go to check out
his shower and it's an awesome huge red brick room that is dark but not too dark with a toilet stall in one corner and a giant wall dedicated to a shower. The door to the room doesn't lock. I hear sounds in the other room so I go out there and see my friend R with a cute little blonde girl about 22 or so. They are sitting on a couch in the middle of the room. They are playing with a small magnet puzzle toy. I ask them what is that all about but they don't hear me. I try to look again but I see that R is getting his mack on pretty hard so I just back off. C comes home and tells me that my wife is going to call me in a few minutes and that she may be angry. I ask him if I can take a shower. He says sure.

I go back in the bathroom, get naked, notice a couple of different piles of clothes on the floor and put mine in separate pile. Find a green towel folded on a shelf and go to turn on the water. I'm bathing and the door to the room is behind me. The water is warm. There is a knock on the door, I say, come it but I'm naked in the shower. I hear the door open but don't look. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see that my hair is long and wet. That's when I realize. I have a shaved head right not, not long and wet hair. I look out the window and see a large tower, I also know that I'm in the middle of nowhere, not a city. I take a dream breath to secure the lucidity and it's confirmed that I'm dreaming.

I say, who is here? And the blonde that's with rusty says, just me. I put on my boxers and turn around. She is sitting on a brick window sill and is completely naked. I walk over to her and get right up in her face. She smiles but backs off a little bit. I say, excuse me, do you mind if I sit next to you.
She says, no, that's fine
I ask why she's naked and she tells me that she didn't want me to feel self conscious.
I ask if she wants me to take my boxers off and she tells me how about I just let the little guy out. She reaches in and starts playing with me. I'm staring at her breasts as she plays with me. She says, I bet you like this, and I bet you really like when I use both hand and play with the head.
I get a huge rush of pleasure and wake up.

I am watching a video on my Zune about McGruff the crime dog, he's helping me take a bite out of crime. He is warning me about the dangers of dream gangs in my neighborhood. He says that they are going to come and snatch my dreams. I went out to the car carrying a big blanket with my earbuds in. My focus was parked on a side street. .I wrapped the blanket around me as I looked for my car. There was a group of women around and they were looking for their cars too. It was nighttime on the street. I found my car and put some weezer on my zune. I was getting ready to go to sleep when one woman told me not to sleep over there or the gangbangers would find me. I looked back up and saw a bunch of scary dudes prowling all over the cars. That's when the old tan van with the hippy couple pull up and ask me if I need a ride. I said sure.

I get in the van and there's no seats in the back, just a mattress on the bed of the van. The girl is driving and the guy is sitting shotgun. They are singing. I lie down on the mattress and put on the video and try to watch some of it. There is a cartoon oak tree sitting in a meadow with a blue sky. A male voice says "I want to tell you about lucid dreaming. You could be lucid dreaming right now." They ask me if this is my house and I look outside the van. It is. I thank them and I get out of the van.

I walk up to the front door and my key doesn't work. I walk around the back and there's a new cement patio and lots of construction. I see a little girl and I realize that this isn't my house. It starts to rain. A Little blonde girl comes out of a sliding glass door and asks me what I'm doing. I say that I'm just a little lost but please not to tell anybody, I am going to leave as soon as I figure out a way to cover up my Zune and figure out where my house is. I put the zune in my pocket and walk over to my house.

When I get to my house it's morning time. I walk inside the back door and people are sitting in my kitchen around the table laughing and looking at papers. Ed Helms is reading from a list of my lucid dreams and laughing every couple of seconds. I sit at the table and put on my zune again. I see the Tree in the meadow and an apple falls from the tree. The voice speaks. "there are many ways to find out if you are dreaming. You could be dreaming right now" then I wake up.