lucid

#414 - 8:44AM - DILD

WBTB 3:30AM 8mg Galantamine/400mg choline, 400mg DMAE
This one didn't go so well, but I was lucky enough to pull off one LD late in the morning purely out of desperation.

I am trying to enter my email login on my phone to see an important email from my mortgage broker. Nothing I type comes out right so I look for my laptop. I have an false awaking and become slightly lucid. I think how typical the previous dream was for electronics failure.
Next I notice SW from work in bed with us. I know it's not real, but I am snuggled against him and I find it mildly humorous. I push him away and initiate sex with my wife by actively summoning and creating the sensation. Several odd thoughts race through my mind as we do it for a few moments.
I am now in a classroom in a chair with a trash can between my feet.

Spoiler for EXPLICIT:

Spoiler for NO REALLY I MEAN IT:

Spoiler for I WARNED YOU:

I notice that have my pants down and I am scooted up on the edge of the seat and sort of hunched forward like I am on the toilet. I realize that I am making slight humping motions so I look down. I see my erect penis with a long string of cum slowly dripping off the tip.

Shocked at my nakedness and sexual nature, I wonder how my dream would cause me to literally end up like this. I look up and see an and old woman that is an ex-coworker (dead) looking at me sort of curious as well as shocked. I quickly pull my shirt down to cover myself. I feel disoriented and confused. I wonder how I could have had such an obvious sex dream in public. I realize that I am in a room pf coworkers both past and present and if feel embarrassed and devastated that this is happening. I'll never live it down. My life is ruined. I pull my shorts up not really getting my underwear and they king bunch down low, but I don't care as long as I am covered. I feel so sleepy and I rub my face and sigh heavy trying to get my bearings. I still can't believe this has happened. I don't even know how I fell asleep. I try to ignore everyone around me as I deal with this trauma; I just want a way out. I begin to hope that by some miracle of divine magic that I am in a dream. Maybe... I do a nose plug out of desperation and am completely delighted and surprised to blow through. I giggle and the feeling of hopeless despair rolls off me dropping like a lead weight. Forgetting about any nakedness, I stand up and walk over to a group of people talking. I think how I am highly lucid as I playfully push V (fired IWL) over and say I relief, "This is all a dream." V falls out of sight and I smile at everyone feeling triumphant and gleeful. Before I can do much else, the dream quickly collapses and I wake up.

I had another LD much earlier in the night but I cant recall much so I'm counting. Basically, I was running from some enemy when I became lucid and played with a gun. I wanted a shoot out so I blind summoned a rifle. I goes off against a glass but only scorching it. In some burned out building someones head peaked up outside a window. I fire off a shot, but the dream fades out.

#413 - DEILD - 9:40AM

I have many dream late in the morning with several lucid moment that I forgot until this one.

I DEILD and enter heavy HI that turns into a dream scene without losing awareness. I am standing in front of a really large mirror at the bottom of a grassy hill. In the mirror, I see two red M&M people standing at the top; One big and one small.



I step to the left and still see the M&Ms at the top of the hill waving at me. This confuses me because the view in the mirror is slightly different and I have no reflection. I'm not sure why this is happening so I move back and forth from the mirror finding the effect is the same. I feel that I have a funny look on my face as I say, "Well, I am dreaming." This confirmation sets me into action. As I run fast up the hill at the larger M&M, I hear a mental voice telling me to eat the M&M. It's reminding me of a task that someone told me about. I am not sure if this is a false memory or I read it on lucid dares, but I decide to go for it.

As I rush up the M&M rushes down to pass by me, but as he does, I am able to take a huge bit out of him. I note the taste is just like it should be and continue running for a bit until I stop at the top of the hill. When I turn around, I see the smaller clone of the one I bit come running back up the hill. He looks to have a large football in his arms and I decide to tackle him. I jump on top of him, but he doesn't slow down. I look up the hill and notice vision bouncing from the rough ride as I cling to the little red M&M. I appreciate this little detail as I wake up.

Another little segment of lucidity. Time unknown.

I see S leaving work. I decide to.. ehem... "talk to her". (curse you menthol!) but she walks away quickly. I call out to her, but she continues to avoid me. She enters and exits several outdoor structures changing appearances as she passes through. None of this fools me and she looks more and more attractive each time. I continue to chase after until I wake up feeling like a douche.

#412 - DILD - 6:35AM

I am walking up a hill with my younger daughter and son. For some reason I am going to some apartments to take a swim. I tell myself that if I am going to live here, I need to figure out how to park on the other side so I don't have to walk so far all the time. Some triggers semi-lucidity and the walk up the hill feels hard and slow. I realize that this is all a mental thing and tell myself to just pretend that it's all super easy and it will be. It works for a second and gets difficult again at the last few steps.

I am inside the apartment but it all looks really odd. I feel this is normal for a dream so I let it go and try to ignore it. I have my son in my arms and for some reason think I need to put him down for a nap. There is a door way that I think leads to his bedroom, but when I open it, it is just a broom closet. I know this is all pointless so I unceremoniously toss my son into the darkest part of the closet and walk way. I feel a mental tug to do it right, but I don't want to get caught up in mundane tasks in a dream. I am still really caught up in going swimming so I try to find the back door. As I make my way outside, I pass though some tiny kitchen that I recognize to look like a small version of the duplex I used to live in.

Outside, my lucidity raises as I look around for a pool. I see an above ground pool to the right, but quickly reject that. I look to the left and see my younger daughter jumping into a large in-ground pool. Excited, I run and jump and yell, "JEEEERRRONIMOOOOO!", as I belly flop into the pool. As I make impact I worry that my vision will get distorted and I end up in the void. Of course, this thought manifests as I see a blur of blue and air bubbles and the dream fades.

The lights come on and I wake up with my son in the bed with me and my wife. He's crying and some liquid has pooled up all over the sheets. Not sure if he peed out of his diaper, I ask, "Why is everything so wet?"
My wife just says, "He's been crying." I realize that there is no way a kid can tear up that much and remember that I was just now dreaming that I was swimming. The lights do out and I roll over and make swimming motions in the dark until I reach my wife. I start kissing her and decide maybe some sexy-time would be nice. The light returns and my wife stops me. She asks, "Right now? [in front of R?]
I tell her that it doesn't matter [in a dream]. We continue to enjoy each other, but I wake up before we get very far.

#411 - DEILD - 5:13AM

4AM WBTB, Galantamine/choline with peppermint tea.

I wake slightly realizing I lost focus. For some reason I was pretty wired at WBTB and had a hard time getting settled. I don't recall dreaming, but focus on DEILD. I feet a familiar shift in my body almost on command and exit pretty quickly. For some reason I head to the bathroom to find a something like a really tall crypt keeper coming at me trying to bite my face.



I reflexively put a protective arm over myself and push away with the other. The room lights up and now I think of it more like a zombie. Fear starts to creep in but I remind myself that it's just my dream and the fear goes away. I remember how easy zombies are to kill in The Walking Dead so, I grab the thing with both hands and smash it's face into the mirror over the sink. I am shocked when I see neither one of us have a reflection. There was a definite face impact on something but it seems more like a window than a mirror. I look loser for a reflection and find two alternate versions of myself. On has a curly white-boy-fro and is standing in the door way. The other has long straight hair and is smiling at something in to the right that I can't see. I remember the Crypt Keeper and get back to mashing it's face into the mirror again. This time I really hope for a reflection and I see it now and, even though my reflection is absent, I am satisfied. I smash the thing one more time and see it's jaw drop away. I figure that has to be good enough and I have a strong desire to get out of this uncomfortable situation.

I wander into the kitchen and find the rest of the house is way too dark. I try a light switch with no luck. I try snapping my fingers but I get a weird visual of my hands flapping around really fast in the darkness. I feel really rushed and worried that I am taking up too much time messing with stuff, but I remember Dreamers' time technique and calm myself. I have all the time in the world. I decide to just go outside now, but I'm still stuck on the idea of making light. I snap my fingers, but it just feels really weird. I try making a fire on my finger but nothing happens. I find myself at the door but when I try to open it, it's locked. I fumble with the deadbolt with little success until I remember how ridiculous it is to be worried about all that in a dream. I pull the door extra hard and there is a jolt and a pop like something broke and the doors opens.

When I get to the porch I begin to float. It's a dull, grey, overcast day and the air feels extra cool. There is some silver colored van parked in my yard. I notice the tail lights are lit up so I decide to go investigate but my I can't seem to make myself float over. About the time I start struggling the van drives ways. Yell out at the driver as I return to the ground to run after it, but it's long gone now and I don't care enough to pursue. In the street, I see it's made of gravel rather than asphalt. I find this mildly interesting but mostly ignore it. I start to feel rushed again, but remind myself that there is plenty of time and not to worry about it. It helps some, but I know the dream time is limited and there's stuff I want to do.

There is another car stopping in the street and I recall one goal. I want to see how far I can stretch my arms to grab something. I reach out at the car and my arms stretch out and snake around until I can feel something. It I may have reached about 20 feet out and grabbed the edge of the wheel well. It's an odd sensation and as I am experiencing this I ear a woman's voice close in my left ear. I reflexively forget about my arms and the car and spin around to see who's talking to me. To my surprise, I see no one.

I walk down the street looking for the woman with out luck. While I'm doing this, I recall other goals. I think of the Pegasus TOTY but I feel like this dream world is really unstable. In fact, it feels really taxing trying to hold it all together. I recall another task, to see how running feels now that I have started to do so in waking life. I turn to start, but I see a woman walking across the street. She must be the one so I head over to her. I talk to her but my words feel jumbled and her reply makes no sense. I struggle to talk clearer, but about that time the dream fades into a dull white color.

I open my eyes facing my wife's side of the bed. I see she has her cell phone on and the light from it must have woke me up. She has her phone partly under the cover like she is trying not to disturb me, but it's still really bright. I ask, "What are you doing?"
She tells me, "Just... this."
I think shes just being rude and I become really pissed off that she woke me out of a lucid dream. In a huff, I roll over to my other side jerking the covers and say in a loud whinny voice, "You woke me up! What the hell?"
Then I realize something feels off. The sensation of rolling over was very dull and numb. This is a familiar effect of my dream body. Happy again I say, "I'm not awake!" I roll back over but end up on top of my wife. She has put her phone away, but for some reason I ask, "What was that anyway?"
She replies, "I'll show you... hold on."
Before I say or do anything else stupid, I go ahead and do a quick nose plug to make sure I am really dreaming. I feels redundant, but I enjoy the confirmation. Now I say, "You're not real."
Then, my wife's face morphs into the Crypt Keeper from earlier and I bail. It's not that I am afraid, but I really don't want to deal with that nasty thing again.

I recall my running task again as I head back to the front door. I start running while singing, "Run run run baaaby." When I get to the door, I wake up. This time for real.

#410 - DEILD - 4:08AM

WBTB @ 3AM. Caffeine from coffee.

I wake slightly surprised that I can recall no dreams. I lay still and focus my attention a few inches from the crown of my head. Vibrations quickly start and it's not long until I feel my dream body float up from my physical body. There is a moment where I can feel both simultaneously and this causes an in-and-out-feel or 'bouncing' effect of my dream body. I shift my focus to walking and make my way to the living room. I am blind, but I feel like I just have my eyes close so I slowly and cautiously open them, worried that I will open my physical eyes and wake up. Luckily, this clears up the dream with no other effect. As I walk to the front door, I have a strange feeling like I am half crouched or hunched over and my eyes feel like they are trying to roll into the back of my head. I correct this by straightening up and trying to look more downward.

Outside, I see a full moon and the yard is only lit by it's dim light. There's are a few scattered stars and I recall one of my goals to meditate on one with the intention of travel. As I look up my eyes go out of focus and the feeling of them rolling into the back of my head returns. Then, there is some visual distortion like my physical eyes have opened slightly. I make a poor attempt to correct this not really knowing how and I wake slightly again.

I DEILD the same way as before, but this time when I reach the living room I enter a true void. Usually I have some phsycial sensation during these 'void' experiences, but this time I feel truely cut off from everything; no sight, no sound, no touch. I don't even feel like I have a body. Instead of fighting against it, I decide to relax and enjoy whatever I am given. I then regain some sensational and feel as if I am slowly floating around a space. I then begin to roll and I see a light on each rotation through closed eye lids. I had no sense of time and wondered if there was light coming from my bedroom window. Maybe it's later in the morning. I begin to wonder if I am going to roll on top of my wife. I think about this and decide to have dream sex with her. I kiss her, but the feeling quickly slips away.

I am fooled momentarily by a false awakening. I open my eyes and find that I have in fact rolled on top of my wife except I have my butt in her face. I feel embarrassed and we both laugh. I quickly get back on my side of the bed and try to focus again to DEILD. I have a vivid image of my wife laughing, but her teeth look very brown and decayed like some meth-head's.



I am repulsed by this, but quickly realize this is a dream. I say to myself, "You are still asleep!" I know this is true, but I feel as if I still need to continue with the DEILD. The same as before happens, but this time I enter into a vivid dream (I was already there).

There is a mirror on covering one whole wall in the bedroom and I hear a song from an acoustic guitar. The music sound generic and unoriginal yet familiar. My reflection has a giant wrench in his hands and is singing into it while bobbing up and down.

Like this guy.



I feel disconnected from it for a second, but quickly we merge as I sing. I have that awkward moment where I am not sure if I am singing in my sleep or not, but I do my best to ignore it. The lyrics just come to me without much thought, "I've got some issues. Yeah some issues. I've got some issues. Yes I do." Then I use the wrench to play guitar with then into my crotch as I use it to do some pelvic thrusts. I turn to the mirror on my wife's closet door and dance a little in front of that. I go out of the room and the song changes, "I'm gonna make great love...great love...yeah great great love. I've got some issues yeah some issues but I'm gonna make great great great love." I recall another goal that involves a dub-step song to try to induce a Star Wars battle. I sing loudly, "Destroy them with lasers!" Unfortunately, the music doesn't change. I say out loud, "Oh ok. I guess we're gonna keep going with this then." I start to sing some more, but the dream quickly fades and I wake up.

#409 - DIELD - 6:06AM

I have a long and confusing dream about sleeping at my parents old house. The time keeps changing and I worry about getting up for work on time. The early details aren't important, but my parents eventually tell me they are leaving to go to a tomato festival. They leave my room and I lay there for a moment. Suddenly, I hear a terrible scream and cats fighting. I rush to the top of the stairs and see my cats running out of a bedroom at the bottom with tails fluffed out.

I wake slightly and relax back into the dream. I am the stairs again and I go down to the room at the bottom. It's dark in there and I feel like something evil is hiding in the room. I spend some time calling out whatever monster may be lurking with various forms of profanity, but nothing happens. Then, I fearfully reach into the room and try the light switch, but, of course, that doesn't work either. I decide this is all stupid and leave out the back door. As I step out, the cats rush past me into the yard. This makes me worry that something is following me so I turn and walk backwards a while. Thankfully, nothing is there. The house seems extra dark now that I am standing in full sunlight and I turn to have a look at the dream environment. The colors of the trees are a extra vivid and bright green, but also very dream like and blurry at the edges of my vision. I feel awe and peace and this makes me want to fly up into the sky. Before I can do anything else, I suddenly wake without warning.

#408- DEILD - 4:45AM

Quick WBTB. Galantamine and DMAE.

I wake slightly and enter vibration and have my usual SP time. I can't get anywhere so I decide to just enjoy the moment. I relax and begin to feel myself float then, slip off the bed. I watch as a fall deep into a void in the floor. I can see my bedside getting smaller and smaller. I fall fast for a long time. I wonder if I will pop out on the other side of the earth. At that thought, I feel gravity shift and I start to fall up. This doesn't last long and I land back in bed. I relax and focus while remaining thoughtless.

I am now walking in the living room. I am glad the dream has started and make my way outside. My son is in the room and presses against me to be picked up. I decide it would be fun to take him along with me. He feels cumbersome to carry so I just imagine that he is somehow attached to me and continue on without worrying too much about actually carrying him.

It's rainy outside and looks like early dawn. I walk into the street and remember that I was going to go for the Pegasus TOTY. I call out for Pegasus and look around expectantly. Nothing shows up so I turn around to think about something else. I see my son has been trailing behind me and I get an idea. I say, "R, be Pegasus." as I hop on his back. He's on all fours but nothing is happening. I feel bad at this sight, so I stand up and take a less rushed approach. I say, "R, turn now into Pegasus." I watch as he quickly morphs into only the front half of a white stallion. He's just a horse head with front legs. This is a horrible sight and look away for a quick second. This was a bad idea because when I turn back to look, he has vanished. I spin around trying to see if he walked around me, but he is nowhere to be found. I quietly whisper, "Shit." I decide to forget about it the whole thing as I look at the colorful dawn in on the horizon just above the trees. I decide to fly without much thought and I zoom toward the sunrise at an amazing speed. I can hear the wind rushing in my ears as the dream collapses

I am back in SP and vibrations. This time the sound of it so strange and creepy. It' like demonic children shrieking in either anger or agony. Before fear can get the best of me I decide to let it go and not focus on SP or vibes or anything else. I remind myself that SP is not the goal and I quickly fall into mediation for a moment. My awareness doesn't fade but I feel my body come back into the waking world. I feel like I could go back in, but I decide I should try to DJ before I fall into non lucid sleep.

#407 - DILD? - 3:08AM (pre-WBTB)

I am in some public restroom. My wife(?), son, and someone I know is sitting at a table in one corner. At the urinals I see some young girls peeing. I wonder how this is possible and suppose they are using a shewee. Then, I realize that is highly improbable and I continue this continues to boggle my mind. I point and say, "What the fuck!?"
My son chimes in and replies, "...it's like a dick." I am even more surprised at my son's remark.

I am getting into bed with my wife and tell her about what my son said. I make some remark about how weird it is that I watched little girls peeing. I assure I wasn't trying to be a creeper; they just went in front of me. My son won't stay in bed and is running around and keeps pull out stuff to play with. Something about a movie that came with a bullet. He wants to shoot it but I tell him it's late and I really need to sleep (I want to have my G night).

I have a FA and I find myself in a house with three wild hyenas. I try to stay on top of counters and furniture but they jump up at me and scratch with cat claws. I notice that as the jump and scratch they seem to momentarily transform into Raccoon dogs. There is some pain, but it doesn't feel unbearable. I continue to try to avoid the hyenas, but they seem to be learning and adapting to my strategy. I have a high amount of fear as I fight them off with fists. At one point I watch one hyena on the ground as it seems to be studying me. Then I realize it's watching something behind me. I know I am about to get pounced from behind, but I can't make myself move.

Something strange happens here. Maybe it's a dream transition or a very slight awakening, but everything collapses and I wonder why I didn't just fly away or phase out of a window in the dream. As I am thinking this is see a garage door open and I rush outside into the night. I worry that the hyenas got out too but I try not to think about it. I see a parked car and I jump on top of the roof. "Try to get me now, bitches!", I shout at things that were after me. I begin to wonder why I am having such a terrible nightmare. I usually don't get nightmares, but tend to enjoy a little fright. As I think this, the dream fades to darkness. At this, I regain lucidity and focus on vision to bring it back.

I see a white boxy type of car parked in the driveway now. It has some sort of metallic purple window tinting and I find it interesting. I still feel a need to escape so I attempt to get inside. I notice there are no doors so I instinctively lift the small cabin up and off like a shoe box. I look inside the top but can't see out the purple windshield. I will this to happen and the purple dissolves to show a view at the ground. I lose interest in this this vehicle quickly as everything seems to be really crappy and fake now.

I spot a better looking car next to me; a red sporty coupe. As I move to the car I worry about the hyenas again. I tell myself not to think about it and the fear subsides, but my actions are still rushed. For some reason both doors want to stay open and the worry increases. I look out and see a bear with a hyena looking at me from down the road. I quickly get the doors closed and start to back out. I stop when I hear a terrible sound. They white, boxy car is now a small red truck. It's lurching backward and quickly halting as the tires are locked up. For some reason, I feel the need to take care of this and hop out of the car to the truck. The hyena fear returns and this time I really force it out of my mind as I remind myself that I control this dream. The truck stopped doing whatever it was doing and I suddenly become really curious what the engine would look like. I lift up the hood and notice how clean, new and high tech it looks. I begin guessing at various components naming them off. I am particularly interested in what I think might be the nitrous oxide containment. I get bored with this after a moment and begin to try to recall my goal for the night. It's on the tip of my brain, but the more I think about it, the more I wake up. The dream fades and I see some guy say something about waking up then a sheet of ice forms over my vision. I hear a loud cracking sound as I wake up.

#406 - OBE - 5:52AM

I do a quick WBTB at 3:00AM to have some coffee prepared with 1tbs of ground in a small french press.

I wake from some dream about ice turning into chopped nuts in the blender. I move a bit but catch myself and lay still focusing on body relaxation. After an unknown amount of time, I feel really wide awake and wonder if it's close to the alarm going off. I sit up to check my alarm. I see that I have set it for 6:10am and it's 5:53am. I decide I may as well get up and do my morning meditation, but as soon as I get up something crazy happens. I simultaneously hear a loud ripping, gasping sound that I think comes from my wife and recognize that familiar OBE/dream body feeling. The sound startles me and I realize I must have just had a false awakening. This sends me back into my body, but I quickly recover. I get up, but can only float around the room. Then, I stop a second. Feel normal and think that I may have woke up, but when I move I realize I'm still floating someplace to the right of my bed. I decide I may as well enjoy the sensation of weightlessness and begin to kick off walls and objects in my room.

After some seconds of this, I think maybe I can teleport if I focus on a place to be. The first thing that comes to mind is a field of flowers. I start singing, "I want to be in a field of flowers... a field of flowers... a field of flowers. I want to be in a field of flooooweerrs." Suddenly, I an standing up right in the room. I'm disappointed I didn't teleport but at least I have some solid footing. I see a light is on someplace in the house and quickly discover that it's the kitchen. I stand there looking around but everything is blurry. I try to focus my vision but end up opening one of my physical eyes and waking up.

Oddly enough I finished typing this on my device at 6:10

There is something to be said about not getting to your dream tasks because, the most bizarre and random things happen.

Galantamine 8mg, B6 100mg, DMAE 400mg

There will be typos. There are always typos, but I don't have time.

Message originally posted by Xanous on 01/25/15 at 02:39 PM

But he's an idiot and has had it as a draft entry for the past 3 days.

#402 - DEILD - 5:03AM - (Girlfriend)

I have my usual vibrations and transitional stage but it passes quickly. I have what may have been an open eye hallucination of a shadow figure running in the room. I dismiss it as nothing. I need to stabilize so I image a woman to make out with. The kiss feel ultra realistic. I emerge from my old bedroom in Texas with a young blonde woman. We are still kissing when I notice I have visual. We walk together into the kitchen and I am still feeling excited. I bend her over the counter and have a little fun but only for a second or two; I really don't want this dream time to be all out sex. She looks back at me and say, "You better stop before you wake up." This gives me to will power to move on to something else.

I somehow end up on the couch in the living sitting closely next to my dream lover, holding hands. The dream environment is really hazy, but I notice my mom and sisters are in the room and there is a pile of laundry on one of the couches. I say something random to my mom about her being my girlfriend. I suddenly want to see who this strange woman is next to me. I try to look at her face but she keeps letting her bangs fall down to cover it. I decide to pull her hair back into a ponytail with and force her to show me her face. There is a struggle and I end up in on top of her in the floor. I finally see her face but it begins to shine with a white light, sort of like an highly overexposed photo. Again, I have to resist my sexual urge and I stand up. I look around and say to the room, "Well, this is a cool dream everybody." I notice floating sparkling dust in the room as I look around. I begin to remember my actual goal when I suddenly wake up.

#403 - WILD - 5:30AM - (Big Screens)

I notice I am in front of some giant screen with a PlayStation controller in hand. The game looks really similar to the clothing menus on GTA5 but it got a baseball theme to it. I do various things to get the right uniform. Things aren't working well and I become frustrated and start mashing random buttons. There is some large garbled text on the screen and I try to make sense of it. Suddenly, I hear an announcement over a loud speaker. The man says something about a light display or light show.

I turn around feeling more aware and see that I am in something like a casino. There is a lot of red and gold decoration and carpeting. I see a long, high partition to my right that seems to open up a several yards away. I can tell there is something going on down there and take off running. When I round the corner, I see a small crowd of people to left and another giant screen in front of me. There is some 80's, big-hair rock star talking on the screen.



I instinctively run toward it planning to dive into another scene. As I make my was I remember that I wanted to try dream LSD. Maybe it was the rocker that brought this to mind. As, I dive in I think I will try this but I don't quite teleport. Instead, I see pixelization and then the void. I don't worry too much, I just keep going and looking for some image. I begin surging forward. I see various gray textures like such as, the moon, a muddy lake bottom. I rip the lake bottom open with my hands and enter another void. More textures. I feel as if I am digging deep to the substance of the dream. I see something like fabric magnified then I feel my eyes lenses adjust focus. This feeling is very specific and vivid as my view zooms out then in to something like metallic mesh or grid. I wake up.

#404 - DILD - 6:28AM (F work)

I am at work on a Saturday. There is various machinery like in a cableshop. I see some girl I vaguely knew in high school. I try to place her. She's real, but I don't even know how I remember her. I begin to question things and wonder why I am even here. I wonder if I even signed up. I go to my bosses desk and look for the sign up sheet, but I can't find it. I quickly realize that this wont work in a dream. Then I realize that none of it matters anyway.

I decide to leave the building. There is and open spot were many people are just standing there like statues. As I weave my way around them, I recall a conversation I had with a friend in waking life. He wishes he could win the lottery so he could tell everyone 'fuck you' and walk out. This seems like a good idea. I start shouting, "FUCK YOU!" as loud as I could imagine over and over. I see a some woman in red with dark hair. On impulse, I back hand her unbelievably hard. She topples over and I gasp in surprise. There is a lot of pain on the back of my hand from the impact. I decide to leave this and the pain vanishes as soon as I go back to yelling profanities. I call out a certain bosses name asking where he is. I say this it doesn't matter and end my tirade with a final F-bomb. I turn around and see some double doors and sunlight. I begin signing, "Take this job and shove it. I don't work here any more." I voice shrill like a classic rockers voice. I kind of dig the sound so I continue to sing as I open the door.

As soon as I step out, I hear theatrical music and Mel Gibson scream, FFRRREEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMMM!



I uncontrollably float up into the air. I go with the motion and zoom high about the clouds as I look down. I turn and pick a spot to land but as soon as I try to fly down, my feet are suddenly on something solid. I quickly notice that the view of the clouds and trees below are like a painted texture on the ground. I take a few steps and the texture morphs into asphalt and gravel. I look up and see some green vegetation in front of me. I hover up into the air again without trying to. I notice that I can see palm trees in the distance. I shout,"Palm trees!" over and over as I try to fly toward them. I only hover higher then I see dark blue water beyond the trees. It's the ocean! I want to go to the beach! I intend to zoom fly to a point on one of the palm trees. I notice the palm trees are actually coconut trees and I zero in on one of the coconuts. Unfortunately, instead of zooming forward, I zoom backward. In a panic, I try to pinch-zoom in like on a touch screen and this stops me. I pinch again and I move some distance forward. I continue this but at some point, it becomes like a photo graph and I get an over zoomed, pixelated view of the trees. I tell myself that I can still work with this, but I wake up too soon.

#405 - WILD - 8:06AM - (LSD gay)

I have a long hour and a half bout of wakefulness but manage to eventually quiet my mind long enough to have one more. As scene materializes and I find myself standing next to the Money Center at Wal-Mart. There is a man standing there and I recall my goal once more (dream LSD). I ask the man where the LSD is and he puts out his tongue pointing to it. I pause then, shrug and go for it. I only intend to lick his tongue. However, the man has other ideas and gives me a very tonge-filled french kiss. I pull away thinking how it felt just like a woman's kiss. I lost in tough thinking how I can get the mechanics of gay sex. This quickly manifests into a side dream and I get a quick visual of having sex with someone bent over. The scene is a lot like the other lucid dream, but it's the man at Wal-Mart. I don't panic as I am distracted by the previous thought and give a good thrust. There is no physical sensation; it's more of a clinical curiosity and a disconnected point of view. It's nothing more that a musing that has manifested in the dream world. I think, "I guess it's fine that some people might find this appealing, but I really just don't get it."

I shake that scenario off and come back to the present dream reality. We are back to staring at each-other after the man kissed me. I don't know how else to end this without feel gay so I punch the man in the face. He flops over like a pedestrian in GTA5 and I laugh as I walk away. The laugh catches in my throat and I feel bad for the violence. I decide to forget the whole thing and find myself in the produce section. I pick up a pack of mushrooms and hit a lady in the back. As she turns around, I run and hide like nothing happened.

I walk into another section of the store and remember that I have never actually tried the finger-through-the-hand RC in a dream. I feel pressure as my right index finger sinks deep into my left hand. I get about half way and decide to look at the back side. To my surprise, it looks normal. I trip out at this and let out and bewildered 'whoa'. Then, the pain starts.It's a terrible aching like an intense muscle cramp deep in my hand. I quickly wake up.

#401 - DILD - 7:40AM

I was really wanting to get lucid all night and had multiple awakenings. Later in the morning I wanted to try WILD, but felt super sleepy and a little distracted because my son ended up in bed with us all night and my wife had left for work. I was worried that my son way going to roll out of bed, but I finally decided he wasn't, I forget about WILD. Luckily, having LD on my mind gave me a DILD (however crappy)

Lucidity scale - 4 then 8

I am at work and someone plops a package in front of me. I pick it up and examine. The packaging is shifty and as first it looks like my Dollar Shave Club razors but then it transforms into some potted cactus seeding that I have ordered in waking life. I am excited at first but also confused why I am getting mail at work. When I take a closer look I see there is something like snow or ice on areas of the cacti. They begin to feel super cold and when I pick one it's as hard as a rock. I also notice that the soil has spilled all over inside of the plastic bag they are in and the soil looks like chunks of something brown. This is super annoying but I am mostly upset because they are frozen and likely ruined. The supplier said they only ship live plants on Monday to avoid this sort of thing. I falsely realize it's actually Monday and wonder if it was lost in the mail. I look at the shipping label and see an odd address. I laugh and take the package to another part of my work area. As I do, I notice the cacti now look like halved cucumbers set in soil. It's odd but I dismiss this and tell Crystal, a co-worker, how they totally messed everything up. I point out the address and it reads,

[My full name]
13[something with a lot of digits] Country RD
Desa, ID [some zip code]

I blurt out, "Idaho!?! Are you kidding me?" Crystal just looks at me and continues working. I sit the package down and turn around for a moment. When I go back for it, I see the package has disappeared. I look around for a moment and find a jar of brownish candies. I consider eating one, but I pause and ask Crystal if she minds. She tells me that its fine since she ate some of mine. I become filled with anxiety when I realize she must have eaten my cactus soil. I panic a bit not sure what to do when something finally dawns on me.

I am at a low level of lucidity here and I randomly roam around my work place. I am going down a long hallway when my phone rings. I don't recall if I heard anything or felt the vibration or just randomly checked my phone, but I see a text and a Snapchat from my friend Vinny. I say, "Oh Vinny not now. I am trying to have a lucid dream here." I lock my phone and decide to reply after I wake up. Derrrr.

I continue to wander around but my vision is deteriorating quickly. I feel myself hold my eyes wide open trying to visually stabilize. I suddenly now become highly lucid and begin to try to recall my goal. However, its all too late, the dream is crashing, and I quickly wake up. I consider trying to DEILD but I am way too awake and the sun is brightly shining in the window.

#400 - DILD - 8:33AM

I have a long dream that I am reading a handwritten story about surviving the zombie apocalypse on post-it notes and notebook paper. As I am reading I am in the story observing things as I find pieces of paper with the next segment of the story. I don't recall everything as a lot happened that didn't make much sense.

I have an FA and find my cousin Jared with guns and heavy artillery. He's prepping for an attack. Then he has a suction cup ball that he throws around.



The ball is spewing out some kind of water color and I think of the color run but it's all over my bedroom walls. I hope it will wash. The ball comes my way and paint gets in my mouth. I sit up and choke on it a bit then tell Jared about my dream.

*memory gap*

This maybe be a different new dream but I am in some Star Wars setting going down corridors and triggering switches. I have entered some robotic body like a mech suit or something similar. It's hard to recall all that happened but it all very video game like. during the next part I gradually become lucid without any real 'ah ha' moment. I am done with whatever I was doing and come to a new area. I see the crumbled body of Darth Vader in a corner. There seems to be some metallic connecting points in his torso and I decide that I should be able to embody him like I did with the robot. I set over him and sink in. I see the dark uniform cover my body and I stand up. I hear my Darth Vader breathing sound, "Ruuuuu. ppppprt. Ruuuuuuuu. ppppppprt." I feel dark and powerful and continue down a new set of corridors. I can' remember all that I did but activate switches, force jump over gaps, and use the force to move objects. I move swiftly through the obstacles with ease. I come the end of one section. There is a colorful panel on the floor. I decide it must the an elevator platform. I stand on it and it descends to darkness. I worry about the void here and focus on seeing the next section. After a moment I see that I am on a high catwalk with a yellow rail. I am facing the rail and decide to vault over it. I think about my method but for some reason force jumping over seems too hard. Instead I put my hands on the rail and launch a flip over the side. I worry about the visual of spinning destabilizing the dream and actually slow things down so its not too disorienting.

At the bottom and I land firmly and am facing a some sliding glass doors like at a grocery story. I use the force to open them and step out into a bright sunny day. The landscape is arid and desolate. The parking lot is cracked with weeds growing and there are no cars around. In the distance I see a vast dessert like on Tatooine. I feel lost here and unsure what to do next. I look around and see shopping carts strewn about. I use the force to throw them around. One cart lands at the feet of a dark skinned bald woman in light brown robes. Her eye narrow and she assumes a fighting stance. I realize I have started a fight with a Jedi and quickly send several shopping carts in her direction. She vanishes before my eyes just before the carts hit her. I wonder what new force power this. I am very intrigued. I wonder if she really vanished or if she was just invisible. I reach out and grab a shopping cart in each hand and begin spinning hoping to hit her if she gets near me. This destabilizes the dream and I wake up.

I quickly DEILD and visually reenter the dream. No SP or vibrations this time. I am not Darth Vader anymore but I am walking down a long gray Star Wars corridor. I pass a mirror and pause. Though I am mostly bald, I have white hair that looks a lot like Will Ferrel in Zoonlander without the part. Also, I am wearing something that looks a lot like Raiment of Arden-Sul from Shivering Isle expansion in Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. (I was playing last night)



I find the hair very distracting and I mostly want to see what I look like bald. I adjust myself so that my hair is cut of at the top of the mirror. Somehow I turn my head to the left with out changing my view. have hair on the side and back but the top is so bald. I decide I won't look too bad if I ever loose my hair in the future. Satisfied, I wonder what to do next. LSD! I finally remember my dream goal. I want to do some LSD and see what my best guess of the drug would be like in a dream. Unfortunately, this when my body decides to wake up for good.

I WBTB at 2:30AM and took 8MG Galantamine and 400MG DMAE. I kept the WBTB brief.

#399 - DILD - 5:18AM

I am what I think of as my my moms sister's house, Aunt Paula. I wake up and have to pee. I know I was trying to get lucid but I think I should take care of this. The bathroom has a strange looking toilet made of maroon colored plastic. When I open the lid something breaks and water spills all over the floor. My uncle comes in upset about the mess. He looks over the toilet and says something dismissive and leaves. I am in shock and recall this as a dream sign. I look left past the sink and see a white porcelain toilet has appeared. I become lucid at this, though I still feel the need to pee. I consider it but I now know that it's pointless and don't want to think what might happen if I try.

I walk back into the main room while I try to recall my goal. I say out loud, "I have a goal." I just can't remember. For some reason I think I wanted to summon some sort of evil magic. No that can't be right. I start to feel mild fear but I keep my emotions in check. However, it doesn't stop the evil from manifesting itself. I see movement around me. There behind red curtains. A child? The curtains part and I see a grotesquely rotted face of a demonic child. I hissed at me then into a wispy ghost and vanishes into vapor. Multiple copies of these demonic ghost children appear all around me but the moment I try to focus on them they turn to vapor and streak around. I keep my emotion level and don't allow this to turn into a nightmare. I'm actually happy this is happening. I haven't had much of a creep factor in a long time. The dream collapses here and I wake into SP.

I am on my right side and I feel really uncomfortable. My knees are touching in a way that hurts and I am really hot. I try to move but can't. I notice vibrations. I want to wake up so I open my eyes but I see the room too bright and ghostly figures. I wonder if I have even woke up. I consider holding my breath to wake up but I don't want to break the dream just yet. With great effort, I manage to roll over and remove some of the blanket. I feel better but I also notice the vibrations haven't stopped. I doubt that I have actually moved, but the effect was the same. I try opening my eyes again to see if I actually see the room. I can see the moonlight from the window and decide to try moving my hands. There is a ghostly image of me shaking my hands in front of my face. Again I doubt that I am even really seeing my room and as I watch my body releases and I am dumped out of bed. I go blind again and feel my way into the living room noticing what my hands and feet touch with great detail. I pause for a moment and try summoning a woman like in a recent LD, but it doesn't happen and I really don't want to go there anyway.

I am at the front door now still trying to see but all I get is random images like heavy hypnagogic imagery. I decide that I am trying too hard to see. I relax a bit and forget about the problem. I focus on feeling the detail of the front door as I try to see what I am touching. The images vanish to black, then suddenly, I see. I am looking out the glass storm-door into a version of my front yard. Excited, I quickly rush out. My vision becomes blurry as if I am underwater. I notice it is raining. My yard doesn't end at a street but seems to continue into a wooden area. The closer I get to the edge of the yard the more the dream area seems to stop there until there is a definite cut off into black void. I stop and turn back. There are some unfamiliar cars in the drive way under a carport. My house look unfamiliar. I fall to my hands and knees and feel the grass to stabilize. I try to feel the rain but there is very little sensation. I know I had a goal but I still can't remember. I shout very loud, "I HAVE A GOAL!" I can't think. All I recall is that same summoning-evil-thought. No. Not again. I let that go. After a moment I realize that I am trying too hard again. I relax my mind and body and decide to forget about my goal. I don't worry about losing lucidity here as I feel mentally solid and locked in. I get up and find a car in the spot I was crawling around. Some blue sedan. My vision is still odd as I feel for a door handle. I'm really not keen on going for a drive but if this is all I get I'll go for it. Just as I am about to open the door I see a tiny gray kitten come up to me. It has a tiny meow and sounds like it's in distress or really hungry. I pickup the kitten and say, "Oh poor little kitty. You're hungry aren't you?" I put it up to my chest and chin and give it a little hug. I decide it would be cool to get the cat to talk so I begin talking to it, asking it if it is hungry. It meows but I am persistent and tell it that I want to hear words. Finally, I hear a little girl voice say that it is very hungry. I need to get her inside and feed her.

Just inside the front door there is an open room with someone in a bed. The light is on and everything is very vivid. Curious I go in with the kitty in my arms. I say in a weak voice, "Who are you?' The figure stirs and seems to wake up. I see her face. She looks like an odd and young version of my dead grandmother (Nanny). I don't want to admit this because I am getting a very strange vibe from her. I recall that normally I am excited when she visits my dreams but something is different here. I say in a much stronger voice, "Who are you?"
She sits up now, "I am not whole."
I feel really uncomfortable now, "O... Ok."
She looks at me intently and asks expectantly, "Who do I look like?"
I tell her the answer she wants by saying my grandmothers full name.
The woman stands up and laughs, "Ha ha... yes!"
I say, "But, you are different." I don't like this woman and try to dismiss her, "Ok. Well, I am going now." I take kitty with me to the kitchen table and sit her down. I decide to treat her more like a human and let her eat here. The strange woman has followed me and sits down in a dining chair. I decide to pay her little attention and let her do whatever. I leave the kitten with her and walk into the kitchen where the cat food bin is. There is some instability here and decide I don't need to actually get the food. I blind summon a the food scoop and make a motion with my hand like I getting cat food. As I walk back to the table I have a small amount of cat food in the scoop. I pour it out on the table and kitty starts to eat ravenously. I notice she is having a hard time biting the hard food and I say something to the woman about this. When I look at her, her face has changed again. She still looks like a version of my grandmother but has become younger and very pretty. I being to have some arousal but think this is way too weird to have any sort of fun with her. I look back kitty and she quickly runs under the table as if she is now afraid. I comment about her strange behavior as I wake up.

#397 - DEILD - 7:08AM

My WBTB was around 2:30AM and I kept it super brief. I was up only long enough to take some galantamine and wash it down with cold peppermint tea. This G night was a little disappointing since I didn't start becoming aware until much later in the morning. I suppose it was because I have been having back issues and I over did it with muscle relaxers pre-bed making me extra tired. Sometimes its hard to find that balance between dream and wakefulness that's required for LD and a lot of thinks factor into it.

I partially wake from a dream and enter DEILD. I have vibrations and slowly float out of body. I see something odd made of red laser light but I ignore it since I feel really unstable. I exit the room and find myself in what looks like D's house (my mom's friend). I haven't been here since I was little and I am surprised it's showed up in this dream. I just want to get outside so I exit the front door. There is a lot of stuff out there and I spot a cat curled up sleeping in a cushioned chair. I reach down and pet the cat on the head. The cat responds with a low purring meow sound and I walk away. I step into the yard only to find the edge of dream world disappearing into the void. I don't want to deal with that so I try entering another part of the house. I open a door but there is void in there too. Instead of stepping in, I reach an arm in and feel around for a light switch. The dream seams to be breaking up so I look back at the well lit porch for stability. After flipping the switch, I look back to see nothing has happened. I enter the room anyway and find myself lost in the void. I try going back but the door I came in is no longer there. I need stimuli and go with the first thing I think of. Sex. I blind summon a naked female body and couple with her. Her face look sort of familiar but no one I really recognized. We make out and things start to become more sexual but I stop as I begin to feel a bit of guilt. The dream crashes here and I wake up.

#398 - DILD - 8:53AM

I am at the park up the road from my house looking at my old Ford Ranger that I used to own in waking life. There is a wheel missing and the other tires are flat. For some reason I have a push lawn mower and my mountain bike. I really want to ride the bike but I don't want to leave the mower here. I try putting the mower in the truck cab but it wont fit. I realize I drove my SUV and fit the mower in the back of that. I spot some tough looking men with colorful glasses strutting by. I worry that they are up to no good but they don't bother me or my stuff. I feel the need for some shades and spot some white ones in the front seat and put them on. I realize that I don't usually wear white but I figure I may as well try something different. There was a lot of time spent here messing around with things but I finally feel content and decide to hop on my bike.

As I ride my bike toward the street I notice something feels odd. I look down and see the tires are flat on the bicycle. I decide to keep pedaling as I head in the direction of the gas station to get air. I tell myself that if I pretend the tires are normal then they will be. This thought reminds me of dream control and brings me to full lucidity.I am nearly into the street now and I decide that I will be able to ride super fast with the cars. Unfortunately, it's kind of slow and difficult like riding up hill. Although I can't pull of the speed thing, I know I can't be hurt so, I decide to mess with the oncoming traffic. I spy and orange car and pedal hard toward it expecting some sort of impact. Just before the collusion, my front tire jams up sending me over the handle bars and the car vanishes just before it hits me. This is disorienting but thrilling at the same time. I get back on my bike to experiment with this again but before I get going, someone makes a noise in the other room and wakes me up.

I have two other instances during the morning trying to DEILD. I recall hitting vibrations and trying to move my dream body but not getting very far. I recall very little else and assume I must have lost concentration.

#396 - DILD - 7:12AM

I was feeling really off this morning and decided to sleep a little longer before going in to work. The result was a cool LD. Totally worth it.

I wake from a dream and try to DEILD. I as I sink back into sleep I feel very mild vibrations. I get overly excited and feel my heart race. I try to calm myself but the vibrations end. I should nose plugged here to make sure but I assume I woke up too much. I try to focus on relaxing my body as I put my attention on my crown chakra. I quickly lose focus.

I am at some mixed version of my current workplace and my old elementary school. I see several people from work. Someone is walking with me outside. There is an open area where many people have gathered together holding yellow lilies. Somehow I know they are having a funeral from someone's pet. I remark to my friend how dumb this is as we walk through the crowd and enter the building on the other side.

I feel like I am sitting in a car but I am inside some room. There is a fat bearded guy talking about selling me some herbs. He mentions a list. I only recall him talking about Achuma and Kratom but the list is actually much longer. I say, "That's ok dude. I buy all my shit online."
He replies with, "I also have some weed."
I was about to walk out of the room but I pause at this. "Um... ok. Do you sell bags or single joints?" I really just want a joint.
"Both", he says.
I remember that I have some cash but I left my wallet in the car. Also, I worry that other people will hear this exchange. "Um. I'll get with you later." He nods and I step back outside.

There are still many people gathered around for the funeral. I realize I am smoking a cigarette next to Spencer. I remember that I quit smoking and begin to feel sick. I have only smoked half the cigarette and I feel a little bad for wasting it as I throw it down. I look up at the people standing around, as I wonder why I was even smoking. I look back down at the cigarette and watch the rest of it fast burn into ash. At that moment I recognize that I must be dreaming. I know I had a goal in mind but I don't care because, I think what I just saw was the coolest thing ever. I also notice that I have never smoked a cigarette in a lucid dream.

I quickly search around for another cigarette. I don't think to check my pockets but instead rummage around the nearst area. I see two empty plastic planters stacked on a low concrete wall. I quickly find something the right shape, but as I focus on it, I see it is a white crayon. I decide this will do and I hold it like a cigarette as I mimic a lighter motion with my other hand. I see sparks and flame as I put it to the end of the crayon. I take a nice long draw from it and in hale. Jeff is standing next to me watching and I intentionally blow the smoke in his face. I notice the taste and feel as do this; it's all very faint. Jeff smiles and lets out a laugh while looking astonished. I walk away and decide to show off for the crowd. I really want to repeat the fast burn cigarette at will. I spot my friend Lindsey in the crowd as I step up on the low wall. I avoid her gaze as I know she would disapprove of my smoking in waking life. I hold the cigarette up for all to see and point at the tip with my other hand. As I move my finger from tip to butt the cigarette fast burns and drops away as ash. I hear a few people gasp but mostly there is laughter. The dream goes black and I quickly wake up.