lucid

#395 - SSILD - 5:00AM

I somehow become lucid and have some impossible sex with my wife. At one point I am filled with something like guilt; I wasn't going to use a LD for sex. However, it is my wife and I am really enjoying it so, what the hell?

Spoiler for sex details:

I was going to leave out the details but it's odd enough to mention. First I started with making her give me a blow job. By the end of it, I was giving her oral while simultaneously having traditional sex in the missionary position. I thought how odd this was but remembered that anything can happen in a dream. I pay close attention to the feeling of her vagina on my mouth and enjoy every sensation to the fullest.

I must have enjoyed myself a little too much because, I eventually lose lucidity and find myself in something like and FA. We are in my old bedroom at my parents old place and D.N. from work has set up his office in a small section of the room. He has interrupted my love making with my wife and I scramble to find my clothes. I am pissed and embarrassed at his intrusion and have a lot to say about it. My mom shows up and I loudly tell her how the "asshole" woke me up and hour early. I go downstairs to have breakfast but my dad is being obnoxious and I leave the house.

*Memory gap*

Something about being a truck driver. I need to unload my trailer but another trucker gets in first. My memory is bad here, but this is what I think must have happened: As I wait, I become introspective and aware. I end up having what feels like a tremendously long lucid adventure in a GTA 5 world though, I remember almost nothing. Something about being invincible and all around bad-ass while I fight some gang members.

I have a pause in the action at some point. I feel energized and emotional about the epic adventure I just had. My lucidity reaches a high level now and I recall that I had a goal in mind. I wanted to meditate while in the dream state. I close my eyes and clear my mind. Suddenly I am weightless and my dream body dissolves. I become a ball and begin to spin as I bounce around in a tight cube. I say, "Ah this is just like SP sensations. It's really not that cool." I decide to see how long I can maintain meditation and go back at it. Of course, my concentration doesn't last long and I quickly have another FA. I should have anchored myself with a mantra or a sensation.

I am in some bedroom. There is a Buddhist monk sleeping in a twin bed along the wall. I am now holding a dough-ball about the size of a baseball. I tap the monk's arm wanting to tell him about my amazing lucid dream. I am still really excited about whatever the hell I did in GTA Land and, In amazement I say, "Holy hell!" The monk only stirs a bit and rolls over. I decide that it's going to take more effort to wake the monk so I feel I need to put the dough-ball down. However, I need to preserve it and not let it stick to wherever I put it. I look for some flour but only find baby powder. Close enough. I powder the dough up and set it on dresser. I realize that I am not quite sure what my dream was about. I spend some time thinking it over as I wake up.

#394 - DILD - 5:55AM

I am walking in the street with someone. We watch a strange looking UFO fly down and hover over someone. Then, in a flash of light, they disappear. I say to the person how amazing this is. I just can't believe I witnessed a UFO abduction right in the middle of downtown. I notice how everything turned from night to daytime really quickly and I feel like I am missing something important. My thought is interrupted by someone ushering me into a building. [Something] happens inside and then we are ushered out. When I turn around, the building dissolves into my old house; the first one I bought with my ex-wife. Someone tells me everything (the UFO abduction and building) was just holograms an illusions. I laugh that I got punked so hard and watch the next person get it. Things happen differently this time and the 'abductee' walks down the street toward the building. I follow closely behind the hologram and laugh with my 'friend' as I watch my hand pass into it. It's like a ghost but the more I play with it the more solid it becomes. I think maybe the hologram passed over an actual person. I only recall random and fleeting images next (sexy time with wife?), but I somehow end up in that old house talking to my wife.

I wonder why we decided to buy this house. I really don't want to live here after-all. Then I quickly recall that I have had this exact dream before. As I nose plug, my wife is telling me something. I am not listing because I am trying to make sense of why I feel like I am slightly blowing through. Am I really dreaming? I do several more nose plugs, but the last one is more deliberate and I blow cleanly through. I am dreaming! I don't want to be here at all so I immediately leave my wife and head out the back door. As I cross the yard, I feel guilty for just running off. I wonder if there is something important there that I should resolve. I pull myself over a privacy fence and, for fun, climb a tree. I see my old neighbors house and try peaking in the window. I wonder if they would recognize me if they saw me. Ridiculous. I ponder the house issue while up there. I admit that I did enjoy some memories living in that house and I do miss it in a way. I decide to climb down and resolve this. There is a long winding limb the leads down to the trunk of the tree and I enjoy extra upper arm strength as I move along it like a monkey. I jump down and float toward the street in the front. Someone is growing beans along the road and I have to step over them. I find this curious, but decide to ignore it.

I get down the street and see the house. It now looks like every window has been removed. I can see bare 2X4s and insulation around the edges. I feel like there is some meaning here, but I can't imagine what it is. I enter the house, determined to play this dream out. I act like I am considering buying this house a second time. I begin looking things over, forgetting about the windows already. I notice the laminate wood flooring is still there and looks really nice. I move down the hall and see my wife and son. I pass them and enter the front bathroom. In waking life, I installed ceramic tile over concrete slab, but here there is several layers of linoleum over plywood. I can see a lot of water damage around the bathtub as I peel the edges back. In fact, the wood feels soft and moist even now. My son gets in the way of what I am doing and I have to move him out of the way. I stop and ponder things now. I decide this house really isn't so great after-all and the emotions I get from it feel resolved. It's time to let this place go. Feeling like I accomplished something, I get up and head outside while my wife and son follow behind. I feel like I have been dreaming a really long time now, and consider waking myself up so I won't forget things. I really think I could wake up at will, but it's been a long time since I have had a nice long lucid so I decide to leave it alone for now.

I see our Nissan down the street and tell my wife that I will race her. I hope she agrees because I know that I am still dreaming and I will impress her with my ability to teleport. She nods and I let it happen. There is a surging streak of light and color and I find myself sitting in the car. Unfortunately, it's not a complete teleport because, I can see two realities. Yes, I am sitting in the car but I can also see the place that I was standing layered over. I look over at my wife standing next to me and this brings me completely back to start. I stand up, feeling a little embarrassed. As we resume walking to the car, I tell her how I almost teleported and ask her what it all that looked like to her.
She just says, "It looked really weird."
I nod and say, "I bet it did. I was really there for a second."

Now, at the car, I get caught up with trying to manually put my son in his car seat. None of the straps and buckles are working right and I spend a lot of time fumbling with things. My wife is trying to help me, but it's just not working right. The dream destabilizes and I decide it's fine to go ahead and wake up now.

#392 - WILD - 3:44AM

Almost an hour WBTB with some meditation and the usual Galantamine dose.

I focus on body awareness and quickly enter into a very long transition in vibrations and SP. I use every trick I can think of to get the dream going but it's being very stubborn. I forget most of the sensations, but it was all very typical for me and only mildly interesting. Eventually, I find myself floating listlessly above the foot of the bed. I look up and see the floor. I am upside down so I reach for the floor landing on all fours. I crawl out of the bedroom into the living room, heading for the front door. I feel very weak and gravity is extra heavy. The dream is very unstable and non-vivid but it's all I've got right now. I continue to crawl, making very little progress. I know I need to stand, but the thought of it seems impossible. I tell myself, "Don't be a pussy." as I use all my will to stand up.

As I stagger to the front door I see a line of dead bolts spin to the unlocked position. I was grateful for this, because the thought of manually unlocking all them seems like an impossible task at the moment. I feel hopeful as I reach outside but the dream is still really unstable. I float to the grass in the yard and feel with my hands as I revert back to crawling. I note the texture and feel as my legs drag across long blades. I recall Jenkees' dare to have theatrical music and try to conjure up something. The Indiana Jones Theme song begins to play in my ears. This is all wrong for the moment so I shake the sound out my mind. At this point the dream decides to crash.

I wake up feeling mentally exhausted and decide to hope for DILD later. I mantra "Remember mindfulness" as I fall back to sleep.

#393 - DILD - 4:07AM

Originally Posted by From Ringworld, by Larry Niven.

"I have a variable-sword," said Speaker-to-Animals. "I urge calm." The kzin stood against a curved wall. In one clawed fist he held something like an oversized jump rope handle. Ten feet from the handle, held expertly at the level of the kzin's eyes, was a small, glowing red ball. The wire which joined ball to handle was too thin to be visible, but Louis didn't doubt it was there. Protected and made rigid by a Slaver stasis field, the wire would cut through most materials including the back of Louis's crash couch.

I am at an old slave house back in the 1800's. The door is boarded up but I manage to breakthrough. I feel compassion and want to free them all. I load everyone up into covered wagon and try to think of a way to get them to the underground railroad.

I have a mini wake-up but fall right back to sleep. I am now in a mixture of my basement and the old dirt floor garage from a house I lived in as a child. I am mindlessly digging up the dirt floor wanting to make a tunnel. As I do this I recall the previous dream. I notice how odd it is that the dirt just vanishes as I dig. It's very minecraft-life. After a moment I pause and stare out a window in a door. Something feels off. I remember to be mindful and quickly recognize this as a dream.

I step outside now unconcerned with digging. I quickly recall one of my goals. I want to revisit the lightsaber play from a non-lucid dream that I had last week while taking another stab at the theatrical music. Recalling the visuals, I blind summon a red lightsaber and give it a few spins. It looks good at first but the light quickly fades out as I walk around the house. I come around the side and see a very strange and distorted version of my Dodge with all sorts of attachments jutting out from the sides.

I look at my lightsaber, but it only look like a laser pointer as I stare at a red dot on the driveway. I decide this is ok because it is now a variable-sword like the one in Ringworld. I flick my wrist and make a cut at one of the chrome appendages on the car. I see it slice a very thin line but it doesn't fall off. I go ahead and give a tap making the thing drop away. I make another slash at the side-view mirror with the same effect. Ok that's kind of cool. Now I need my music. I try to summon something, but all I get is random humming in my head that sounds pretty weak and ridiculous. I let it go for now and wonder around with my sword.

To my left, I see smoke from a something like a brush pile, and to my right, I see a tree covered with Christmas lights. I am torn between the two; looking back-and-forth. This seems to do something strange with my eyes causing my eyelids to flit open, waking me up.

Dec 17th 2014, 4:38AM

I am in a version of my old high school in Texas. I realize that I have 3 books from the previous year in my locker. I take them out and see Christy from work what to do. She says to just take them to the front desk. I drop them off without saying anything and think I want to go find Jason B. and tell him about my girlfriend. As I walk into a random area I realize that I haven't talked to her all summer. I'm not even sure she is my girlfriend. Ah, I better wait. I turn around and walk back to the first area where Christy was. I scratch my beard. Hmm. I'm the only guy in high school with a beard. How old am I? Hell, Im a 34 year old high schooler. Why am I still here? As I walk I slowly become lucid. Ah this is a dream. I have this one a lot. Elements of the dream quickly drop away until I am in the void and I wake up.

#390 - WILD - Time unknown

Since I missed the past two weekends, I decided to do a quick WBTB at 1AM with the usual Galantamine. I reminded myself why I choose to do this only on a weekend. I really don't seem to get the quality sleep I need and there is never enough time to hit those longer late morning LDs. At least I had some interesting experiences however brief.

I lay down and focus on body sensations. I feel surprised when I begin to feel the early onset of the transition. Getting this feeling this quickly seems to get me way too excited and it ruins. This time I was pretty chill and focused on relaxing deeper. Well, I say it was quick, but now that I think about it, I am not sure whether I dosed off for a bit or not. It was a WILD regardless.

When I get a bit deeper into the vibrations, I fumble my way out of bed. I am blind so I try opening my eyes I but seem to be able to see the bed room from the perspective of laying down. The room looks a bit too bright so I am not sure if this was my physical eyes or not. I really need to test exactly whats happening at this stage with the eyes.

Outside, I try to peer into the darkness or the back of my eyelids in order to see in the dream but nothing is working for me. I end up crawling in the street, feeling the asphalt with my hands for stability. I hear a dog's painful yelp in the distance and the sound morphs into something like a siren from an emergency vehicle. The street is pulled away from me and my fingers drag on the rough surface for brief moment. I feel my self hurling backward my bedroom. I wake up.

I go straight into DEILD and enter vibrations quickly. The only problem is I now notice that my chin is tucked too close to my chest and I am having a hard time breathing. I try to ignore it, but I can't. I break concentration and adjust. Now I have to pee.

I don't bother starting up the DJ because I am afraid the light will rouse me too much. I get comfortable and start over.

#391 - WILD - 2:22AM

After a short time, I notice vibrations and a scene has formed. Kelly from work is talking about football and I am resting in a recliner. I look around and see dog doing funny tricks. A doberman looks decidedly human. I find it humorous but I feel detached. I wonder if the dream is stable enough to move as I get up and move forward. I walk past the dogs into a kitchen area. There is a back door open to a screen door. A familiar woman is at the sink doing dishes. I hear her say, "He's up and moving."
I go outside to a summer day in the country. There are some trees, an open pasture, and hills in the distance. A red checker table cloth catches my peripheral but I ignore it. The scene is beautiful, but dull and non vivid.

I recall my goal to renter my Star Wars dream from the night before but this time with theatrical music. As I blind summon a lightsaber, the dream goes dark. I spin the thing about and see a glowing red blade streak against the void. Unfortunately, the dream fades quickly and I wake up.

I have some other dreams, but frustratingly, they are non lucid.

It's lunch time at work and I want to eat out. l am in the parking lot of the University campus in town and I can't find my car anywhere. I begin to panic and cry that this is the worst lunch experience ever. :lol;

I am with someone in a building but it's all a scam. I can't find the flash light, but another woman knows things that other can't. She tells me exactly where to find it. I dismiss the other woman and follow this one. She tells me she also knows where my car is.

I have a negative experience where my parents show up in the middle of the night/early morning and let themselves in. They want to see my son and loudly call his name. I hiss at them that he is asleep. I argue with my dad over religion and call him a few choice words. I tell him religion ruined my life. I wake feeling bad about the dream.

#389 - DILD - 11:39PM


Bedtime: 9:30-10:00PM

I was surprised by an early night lucid last night. I don't have much for the entry because I nearly forgot it. I did my best to recall upon awaking but I was so tired that I quickly fell back into a non lucid dream before I could make and entry.

I should note that I was trying to get lucid prebed. I simply fell asleep being totally aware of all body sensations similar to an SSILD short cut.

I find myself lucid talking with some woman. I am having a hard time understanding and retaining what she is saying but I feel like the information is important. I tell her that I can't understand her and the word appear in a font on a wall from something like and overhead projector. I start reading but my words sound like gibberish and I quickly realize the words are just random letters or something like a foreign language. I shout about how nothing is making any sense.

I have an FA and tell Rex about a lucid dream that involved the three stooges. For some reason I have trouble pronouncing 'stooges'.

I am in a field hiding behind a log having a bow and arrow shootout. I am loosing and shout at a woman to help. I call her by my wife's name. I know this is the wrong name but I just go with it. I look over the log and see a guy running up on my. I shoot him with an arrow but there is no tip and it looks bent a broken. I only hope the close range does some damage. As I release the arrow I shout, "Die mother fucker!"

2:00AM
Since my LD was so weak, I decide to go ahead and do my WBTB. After a period abstinence the day before, I have 1/2 a bottle frappuccino (about 6-7oz.) at WBTB. I was really tired and didn't stay up longer than a few minutes of trying to rouse myself in the kitchen. I feel asleep once again focused on body sensations and repeating goals as a mantra. I didn't get lucid but I had some very vivid and cool dreams.

2:48AM

I am extremely late for work at my parents old house. I try to put a lunch together. I look in the fridge but nothing looks good or right.

4:03AM (Star Wars KOTOR style)

I am walking through a starship with some battle companions. There are large orbital droids with blue force fields attacking us. I fight back with a red light saber and force push powers. The lightsaber hilt resembles a blue baseball bat handle. I find it looks odd but feels very nice in my hand and gives me great maneuverability. I make a lot fancy movements putting my weapon into a blur of red as I spin and slash through my enemies. My force push shows some light faint blue energy from my hands as the droids smash into walls and shatter. At one point I lose focus and miss a droid with my lightsaber. I think to throw my lightsaber but fear it wont return. The droid glides over my head and behind me. I try force pushing behind my back but it misses. I do a backwards thrust with my lightsaber and cut the droid in half without looking. At one point I assist my friend with a blue lightsaber by trusting my lightsaber to the hilt into a larger droid. I watch as the metal turns molten.

I am now separated from my companions but I think I see the one with the blue lightsaber enter something like steel elevator doors. I follow and cautiously peer into a small corridor with gold shimmering beams of light along the walls. I can sense danger and I decide to pause. As I step back I see a new type of ominous looking droid materialize before me. I dodge a red streak of blaster fire as the doors close. I consider reentering to attack but my lightsaber is now acting crazy. There seems to be some red light poking out of the butt of the bat handle and the lightsaber and I am able to use my finger to push it back in. It doesn't hurt me and when I look back at the other end, I see that the beam of hot red death is now a harmless balloon. As I run away from battle I notice that I can hear air hissing into the balloon causing it to enlarge into an irregular shape. I try to hold back the air but the balloon continues to grow. I panic that I will be without a weapon and pat my side for a blaster. Then I remember that I can use the force and I drop the now useless lightsaber with new confidence.

I come to the end of a metallic corridor and find a large air duct. I recall that this was the way I sneaked in but I sort of feel that I am just making this all up now. I find the space is much smaller than I thought and as I try to squeeze in, I become super claustrophobic. I look for another way out and see Darleen from work exiting the corridor through a side door. I follow after her and wake up.

5:19AM (Snooze alarm)

I am at work and see there isn't much to do. I ask Darleen what the deal was and she said there was a problem in Engineering. She tells me that when is all resolved she will be "dancing with joy."
I jokingly ask, "Who is this Joy person?" Everyone laughs.

#388 - DILD/DEILD - 6:46AM

I am entering a house with a young and mildly attractive woman. She is being flirty but I ignore this. She's talking about how she goes running to negate the bad effects of smoking. I tell her that this is really pointless, but she assures me that 10 miles a day is more than enough. I remain unconvinced but I let it go. She tells me that she wants me to go jogging with her but I tell her that it would look bad if we are seen together.

I sit on a couch in the living and she sprawls across a love seat adjacent to me. I notice she's removed most of her clothes and I can see she has grown much fatter with stretch marks and varicose veins all over her body. I notice she has a pretty face and think how its too bad the rest of her looks so horrible.

As I sit I quiet my mind and look around. I can see her family at a dinning table beyond with woman on the love seat. Something looks odd. It's took blurry. I can't make out the faces.
This is a dream. No. I'm just pretending. This is real life. I continue to stare at the family. They look so odd and motionless. Wait... No this might really be a dream. I worry that the dream will crash if I do anything, but I decide to go ahead and do a nose plug to settle my internal debate. I blow cleaning through. The dream crashes. I knew it!

I wake up and move a bit but quickly decide to hold still for DEILD. I focus on deeply relaxing my body and body awareness. I realize that I feel like I am being dragged like someone is pulling me by my though it doesn't feel like anyone has a hold of me. As soon as I note this the sensation stops. I focus on feeling it again and it starts back up. It slow at first but quickly accelerates to high speed. I feel G-forces in my stomach and gasp.

I notice that I am feeling very faint vibrations like tingles in my arms and decide that It's probably safe to move. When I pick up my left arm the dragging stops and I open my dream eyes. It's very sunny in the room and as I get up, I watch my feet move to the floor like I am looking at a foot cam.

I am in a very tiny version of my bedroom with no door to exit. There is only a night stand and a window. I see the window but think it would be funner to phase through the wall. I haven't done this in a while and I very sloppily try to push my face through. It feels like rubber so I try to claw and tear through. Unfortunately, as I struggle with this I am sucked back to my body in bed.

I hold still and wait and quickly see a scene form. I am laying in a sunny spot with trees around me. The green leaves look extremely vivid but when I try to move the scene crashes. I decide to focus and wait for another scene but quickly lose lucidity.


I recall some short and random scenes before waking up. I tell Wurlman about getting lucid. The woman from earlier pulls her pants down and shows me her ass. All those veins. I turn away. Other images that I can't recall.

#387 - DILD - 5:32AM

I went to be late at midnight and had planned to take Galantamine at WBTB around 4AM, but at 2AM I had a horrible nightmare that made me think about the waking life implications. I have been taking 5-HTP pre-bed for depression and it's really been giving me powerful vivid dreams, though non-lucid. I was actually excited to see how Galantamine would work for me now but my thoughts kept me wake for over an hour so I decided it wasn't the night. I felt restless legs starting and I got up to take 1mg Melatonin and 400mg Ibuprofen. I considered trying an induction technique, but I really just wanted to fall back to sleep and stop thinking about stuff. I used randomness to quickly pass out, hoping at least, desire would catch the dream.

Much later, I am on a road trip with some 'friends' (their faces aren't anyone I know IWL) and we come to some city. Springfield? Someone mentions that it should be close to time for them to start filming SNL and they all really want to go. I look at the clock and see it's 4:30. I figure we have an hour before it starts but I realize we aren't that close to New York and something about the time feels wrong. Still, I have a strong urge to go alone so I ignore this.

Somehow I end up in a room with a stage. There are very few folding chairs scattered about in clusters and even less people sitting in them. I think this is very odd, but I continue to take a seat. Amy Peohler is on stage talking with another unknown person. It is some sort of pre-show and they point to a guy in our group. They set up some agreement that he would somehow be apart of some skit. This guy looks vaguely familiar and is wearing a yellow shirt with camouflage pants and combat boots. He has thick curly black hair and looks like a person with a sense of humor. He stands up, salutes, and says, "Yes commander."

I have a memory gap, but find myself lucid from doing some form of awareness/mindfulness. I think I forgot most of this, but I recall that I have been watching the show for what feels like a long time. Amy is gone and there is some other celebrity on stage talking. She looks a lot like Megan Trainor with brown hair wearing some light blue prom dress. As I watch her drone on, I feel like the dream is becoming unstable because I feel like can't hold all of this in my head for much longer. The concentration of sitting here idly while trying to remember all that has been said is way too much for me. I have the idea that I really need to be doing something active to keep the dream stable. I try to think what to do knowing that I should have a goal, but I can't be bothered with it right now. Suddenly feeling outrageously rebellious, I have an idea. I leap up from my seat, run to the stage, plant a hand on the edge, and vault myself in front of the woman. Without hesitation, I grab a hold of the front of her silky blue dress, and pull down. This surprising reveals her naked breast to everyone. I am not sure what I thought would happen but this really does surprise me. She stands there for a moment in shock while I admire her cleavage. I have a mild temptation to have some fun, but I quickly resist and turn away.

I return to my seat and make a grand gesture to the now growing audience. The woman is still standing there unashamed and laughing as everyone else erupts with excitement. As I watch, I purposefully look only at her face and not her bare breasts. Suddenly, blue text appears as an overlay to the stage. It appears social media is blowing up because of what is happening on live television. I can see the comments on Twitter and all of the tagging of other people, @soandso @thisguy @somebody (I can't remember the names). Then hashtags appear #something #lookatthis. Again, I don't recall the actual words and I think was mostly gibberish anyway. I laugh at bit, but but start to really really bad for the woman. It feels like shame and embarrassment and something inappropriate. I don't like the feeling so I decide that I want something really hilarious to show up. As I gently will the dream to respond, I think these words and they appear clearly in front of the stage alongside the rest. I am not sure how this showed up, but its more like my subC put it out there for me: "@ISIS hates Megan Strait. #ISIS" I get the feeling that these people would really hate knowing this woman bared her breast on live television. It's not really funny to me, but I decide this will be DJ entry title. The dream quickly fades.

I have an FA where I am trying to recall the dream and how I even got lucid. I remember as I see the funny camo guy holding a milk carton with the word 'Ninja' on it. He tells me that this was 'Ninja Juice' and as soon as I saw the word 'Ninja', BAM I was lucid. Then, I actually wake wondering if this is true.

#386 - DILD? - 5:48AM (2 of 2)

I had slight wakefulness but was really focused on WILD. I must have failed due to how long it was between dreams. However, it did feel like a WILD, but I am not sure what really happened. Either way a lucid is a lucid.

I am in my house and I head straight out the front door and recall my goal to fly into orbit. It is raining. The smell of it is vivid. I notice I don't feel the rain and discover that I am wearing a hoodie with the hood up. I take it down wanting to feel the wet precipitation on my face but there is no sensation. Oh well, on with the task. I jump hard while doing a mighty force push against the ground. This effortlessly propels me fast into the sky while I look down. The ground drops away, then dark clouds, then atmosphere. I get a brief glimpse of the Earth before the dream crashes.

Everything gets darker and super unstable. I put my hands out trying to focus on seeing the Earth from orbit, but I realize that I am back in my yard. Before me I see a large circle of red light with a ring around it. I notice someone getting in the car in the driveway in my peripheral vision but choose to ignore this. I focus on making the laser light show become a realistic representation of Earth but the dream quickly fades away.

#385 - DEILD - 4:21AM (1 of 2)

A couple shots of vodka just before bed for a little REM suppressant. I went to bed around 10:30PM and awoke naturally at 2:00AM from a super vivid dream. It was a little early for my WBTB but I went ahead and got up for about 45min with 8mg Galantamine and 400mg Choline. I downed the pills with a glass of home-brew Kombucha, then got got on Facebook for awhile.

I having failed a WILD, found myself waking from this dream:

I am about to go to sleep on the asphalt in a parking lot. I have my pillow and a huge comfy comforter. My wife is next to me already passed out. I have been talking to a work buddy on Facebook and decide to make a final comment then lay down. When I put my phone down I see him and his mom some feet away in their own pallets. His mom keeps making snide comments and says something about my top hat. I look over and see one next to me. It looks a lot like the one in "Frosty The Snowman". I tell her its just a top hat and not to worry about it. I lay down and flip them the bird with my eyes closed and smile. Then I get really hot and notice that I have a long black overcoat on. I take it off to reveal a while dress shirt. It takes effort but I mange to strip down enough to feel comfortable and go to sleep.

I wake partially and go into DEILD. I feel vibrations right away and let my self lucidly slip under. I feel real excitement with a racing heart and it takes a moment to calm down. Then I blindly make my way out the front door. As I feel the cool air hit me, I hear a loud sucking noise and am pulled back into my body. I am not sure if it is my physical body or dream body but I gasp for air as if I have been holding for a long time.

I wait a few seconds in the vibes and then get up again. This time I see misty swirling visuals as a dream forms in front of me. This gives a really cool effect as a copy of myself forms before me. Its a little odd but the dream is still really unstable so I grab my doubles arm and talk to him. This quickly fades as I am sucked back once again.

I realize its always my habit to rush this transitional stage so I decide to relax and just be mindfully in the moment. I enjoy multiple body sensations like weightlessness and vertigo. I begin to sing some old song. I am not sure of the name or even if the lyrics are right. "I-I-I-I-I... Get that feeling." (What's that song?) I have that moment where I wonder if I am singing out loud and I swear I think I feel my wife turn a bit in bed. I decide not to be put off by it and sing the line again though, it is noticeably softer.

Next, I use the feeling of weightlessness and start imagining flying. The feeling is real and I think I have a moment where I open my eyes and see a huge puffy cloud above my bed. After I awhile I feel like I am falling and blindly pull a parachute cord. There is a noticeable jerk as the air fills the chute and I glide softly down. I get a visual of ground below me then I land in a version of my bathroom. I immediately recall my lucid dare to find a story in the dream. I decided beforehand to either call someone to ask and listen, or find a TV and watch. I decide to look for my phone.

The bathroom is full of all kinds of junk like a tornado had hit my house. There were clothes and debris everywhere as well as all sort of cosmetic and toiletry items around the sink. As I search around it, I say out loud, "Where is my cell phone?" I have a thought to blind summon but for some reason it feels silly since I 'just woke up'. I see something under an empty Q-tip container; It's my phone, but when I reach for it I push it off into the floor. When I bend over, I feel air on my asshole like I like I am completely naked. Shocked, this causes me to pause and look in the mirror. I see a blurry and vibrating reflection in the mirror. As far as I can tell I am shirtless and probably naked with worried look on my face. The effect of the reflection feels unstable so I look away back on task. It's probably best not to worry about this anyway.

The phone screen is super dim, but I blindly tap random spots on the screen anyway, knowing it really doesn't matter. Its the object in my hand that is extending this form or dream control and giving me a mental boost. I put the phone to my ear expectantly and hear a ring then an answer. I try talking to the man the other end but it just sounds like I have tapped into someone's phone conversation. The dream blacks out here and I worry that I am going to have to start over. Luckily, the sensation of the phone to my ear is still very vivid so I just continue on in the darkness. I try to interrupt but they don't seem to hear me and I can't tell what they are saying. I stay persistent and finally get through to a very redneck sounding man. When, I finally understand the man, I find myself in some sort of auto mechanic shop full of colorful hydraulic lifts and tools. I walk around messing with items and flying around the shop as I talk on the phone.

Me: Hello?
Man: Who is this? Hello?
Me: Yes. It's me. Will you please tell me a story?
Man: Huh? Hello?
Me: I just really want you to tell me a short story. Please?
Man: Well OK...
Me: Yeah, go ahead.
Man: When I worked at the mill down by your place with the number one wire...
Me: Yes, go ahead.
Man: ...there was a sawed-off coffee maroon.
Me: Ok wait. (I am trying to make sense of this as well as remember) You worked at the mill down by my place with number one wire and there was a sawed-off....coffee...ma-ROON?
Man: Yes. That's right.
Me: Then what?
Man: George was like, 'What the fuck?'
I can take it any more I begin to laugh out loud at this. I notice my laugh sounds really different and I cut it off short.
Me: Dude that's really hilarious. You didn't ask George what his deal was?
Man: Yeah! That's what I did!

I was going to probe on but I suddenly wake up.

#384 - DILD 6:37AM

This dream was probably inspired by watching "Gravity" and "Guardians Of The Galaxy" yesterday.

I am the captain of a starship. I have somehow acquired several other ships either by space battles or other means. I look at a computer readout showing several ship ordered by value. The one at the top is worth 8 something billion dollars, almost 9. There is some older woman who I think of as important. She is in need of a ship of her own and I am feeling generous. I decide to let her have her pick, but not the most valuable one. That one is mine. Shes comes back not liking any of the starships I offered her so I reluctantly offer the more valuable one. I haven't really got to check out this ship yet so I decide to go with her. I see that I have a spacesuit on with a helmet already. I notice that there is no face shield and I am able to put my hand inside the helmet. I decide there must be some sort of force field that will activate when I go out. I open the air lock and make a quick space walk to the other ship that is docked to my main ship. I use something like a large air tank to propel me forward but when I look down it is just a can of air duster. I feel embarrassed and quickly drop it. Unfortunately, I don't think to take in the view of space during this all of this.

I climb up a ladder and come to the main bridge. It looks very much like something from Star Trek but there are skeletal corpses standing around. I feel fear and disgust but I remember this is the effect of the weaponry I used against them. I haven't had a change to clean this up. I think I see one of the corpses moving but when I look I see that it was just my imagination. I make my way through some darkened corridors and feel I am being followed. I turn around and see that one of the corpses really is moving and right behind me. I say, "You're dead. You're not supposed to be following me." Then I quickly dismiss the whole thing as I turn a corner and open a door. There is a room full of people that are still alive and healthy. I am not sure how to handle this so I hit my communicator badge, "Dad.... I mean... err... Co.. Commander." It's really weird having my dad as my "Number One" officer. I tap again, "Commander, we still have people in here. I need assistance immediately." There is no reply but I feel like he got the message. I find a darkened room that I really need access to but I can't find any light switch. I tap my badge again, "I need power diverted to Engineering." This doesn't do anything for me. I feel a little panicky now, "Commander, come here please. I need help."

*Memory Gap*

I am now somehow lucid and talking to a woman on an old Motorola RAZR flip as I walk around the living quarters of the ship. The exact conversation is a little hard to recall but she kept saying, "Tonight's the big night. Stick to the plan. Don't fuck it up." Her voice sounds like Scratch from "Were Alive". There is some other garbled word she says but I focus many on asking what the plan is. I can't get any answer from her other than her repeating the same things. After a long time I hear a click and the phone disconnects. I try pushing the send button as a redial function. There is one ring then silence. I do this several times then try *69. Someone picks up. I say, "Just tell me what the fuck you are talking about. What's the plan? What plan?" I have no idea why I am so hung up on this but I am completely obsessed with getting an answer. As I am on the phone I am paying close attention to the living quarters. Most of it looks like a large mobile home. I end up in some large complex bathroom. There is a section that has a toilet in the shower. I feel like something looks familiar but can't place it (my parents camper trailer). I leave this area and find my mom sitting at a dining table. I let the phone conversation go and decide to ask my mom, knowing that all DCs are connected as part of my subconscious. As I make my way to mom I feel a slight instability to the dream. I know this dream has gone on for quite some time and i wonder when I'll wake up.

I sit down across from here and ask her about the phone call; I forget my exact wording. She responds, "Austin to Houston then to a computer." I was listening really closely and want to make sure I understood her so I repeat it back. She smiles and nods with raised eyebrows like she had really said something great.
I chuckle and say, "That doesn't make any sense. You [My Subconscious] are all crazy assholes." After I say this I realize I am insulting the deepest parts of my psyche. My mom frown and almost looks evil. I lean forward and I large cardboard box appears between me and the edge of the table. It jams into my neck. There is a little pain but I feel like I am choking. I decide to give up on all of this now and try to think of actual goals as I stand up. I wake up.

#383 - DILD - 12:45AM

A large dose of Yohimbe Bark late in the morning, some melatonin to fight the lasting insomnia, and watching Lucy movie may have helped this LD along. It was a little after 11pm when I last looked at the clock and I had multiple awakenings all night. Most of my non lucids where boring and I found myself contemplating the movie in dream several times.

I was previously lucid from something about the movie. I ended up losing lucidity for awhile and I forgot all of the first part. I have been chasing after someone or something and I eventually stop becoming introspective once again.

I remember that I was lucid and come back to it once more. I look at my hands and the environment around me. My hands look pretty normal with a hint of dream quality. I realize I am on a hillside at night. I search my mind for a few of my goals. First I recall wanting to have an XCOM dream. I summon a rifle and hear distant marching as I move forward. I search for aliens to shoot but when I look down I see I have no rifle. Ugh. Try something else.

I recall wanting to try some of the things Lucy did in the movie but I am distracted by a super huge moon at the top of the hill. I run forward but have difficulty finding my footing. I look down and back up and see the moon is gone but there is a large dark sphere at the top of the hill now. I see a silhouette of a man in a cockpit at one part of the sphere. I remember to try CL's pinch zoom to get a better look but it doesn't work. I feel silly making motions in the air and give that one up too.

The I remember once again Lucy. I try to slap away the sphere and make time past to day time. Doesn't work. Then I try I teleport like she did an surge forward. The dream goes dark.

I wake up and look at the clock. The time is clear and says 11:30pm. I am really surprised at this and guess I must have fallen straight into a dream. The room lights up and I see all the sheets are gone. I look over and see the woman version of The Master wearing her stupid hat and in some kinky red lingerie. She's droning on something but all I can say is, "Wow the sheets are gone!" I wake up.

My she's ugly.

#382 - DILD - 4:14AM

Daytime awareness
Meditation
Determination

I am driving and thinking about a conversation I had with someone. MP's (from work) husband had a baby with another woman and I feel bad for her because her religion wont let her divorce. While I am driving and have some quiet time I quickly do some awareness. Suddenly, I realize that it is supposed to be late at night, but the sun is shinning brightly. I think this must be a dream and instead of doing my usual nose plug, I pull back on the steering wheel.

The car lifts into the air and I know for sure that I am in a dream. I see that I am on a country road and continue down in though I am hovering several feet above it. I start thinking about goals and for some reason I repeat from my last dream. I think I need to find a DC and at that moment I spot a farmer in overalls on the side of the road next to his pickup. He seems to be messing with a gate that leads into a pasture. I go too fast and pass him before I can stop so I try a hard U-turn. The laws of inertia seem to apply here and I hover sideways a bit before getting the car around. I quickly get to the farmer and, instead of my usual car phase I actually use the door. The act of physically getting out of the car seem really taxing.

I ask the farmer, "What is the nature of reality?"
He immediately starts saying random words that don't form any coherent sentence. It sort of reminds me how I sometimes do that to help me fall asleep.
I ask again and this time he says, "Hyperdimensional continent."
I am not sure this makes any sense so I ask, "Can you put reality into another word?" I really meant to ask a deeper question about reality and see if I can get and idea of what is behind it all. At the very least, I was going to ask him to tell me a story and see what happens.
Anyway, he replies with more nonsensical reply than before, "Presidential candidate." Then he suddenly he lets out a moan of pain, "Oooooh!" I look down and notice that I am rubbing my thumb into the backside of his elbow. This spot is hurting me in the dream and I truly think that I have been massaging my own pain while we were talking. I apologize and explain all this to him. I start to turn away from, but the dream begins to crash. There is darkness, then a few random and fleeting images, some voices, then I wake up. I have a really tough time recalling the dream for several seconds.

3:44AM
Joyce from work is holding me like I am a small child. I am trying to fall asleep but can't because she is talking about eating with another lady. I try to talk and move but I feel so sleepy and lethargic. This reminds me of a dream sign and I think I should nose plug but I don't have the energy to try. I really think this might be a dream but I tell myself to give is some more time.

I have an FA were I am trying to DJ but nothing is working right and I can't move. I realize I am dreaming and decide to wait a little longer.

I have another FA in a car. I am with my wife and her mom. I have false memories about camping and fishing. It's a shame we didn't get to fish much after driving all that way. I as my mother-in-law where we went camping. She says Michigan. Thinking of Wurlman I ask were in Michigan. She tells me it was near St. Florentine(not a real place) I an feeling really guilty about having camped in Michigan but totally not going to Wurlman's wedding. I tell her something about my friend living in near there and we should have drove a little farther.

5:05AM
I watch a movie of WWII paratrooper Bugs Bunny diving out of an airplane. His chute doesn't open and he does an impossible belly flop in the water. The environment is realistic but Bug's is cartoon giving it a Roger Rabbit feel. Bugs then tries to deploy his inflatable raft but that's not working either. He swims off.

I am standing in an old fashioned store in Nazi Germany. I am working as a spy with several others. Bugs Bunny is talking about calling customer service about his parachute and raft not working. There is a more modern corded phone on the wall but it is unplugged. I try to help him out but I am afraid of getting caught.

For some reason I am staring off at a wall. A Nazi soldier walk's by and yells at me to get back to work. I drop the phone cord and leave Bugs Bunny to fend for himself. As I wonder around I see there are many unusual items on displays as well as people working on wire harnesses. I tell myself that I used to do that back home and could probably jump back into it to blend in. However, I am not sure why they are building something like this in this time period. Certain items start to look really steampunk and I dismiss it as secret advancement.

I pay close attention to various tools for sale in hard plastic packages. They all look really alien but I can see how each one has a specific use. The detail is extremely vivid and interesting. Had I become lucid I doubt I would have done anything any different.

After a minute or two I find a familiar face. Some guy that looks like celebrity that I don't know the name of. He's one of the other spies. He tells me that he's really working for the Nazi's now and is planning to stay. I notice he is wearing modern clothes but I just think he's not in uniform anymore. He's really quit. I look down and have a brown military uniform on but I am holding a t-shirt with a Captain America symbol on it in black and gray colors distressed colors. I am in some conversation with the man as he walks out of the store. Not wanting to look like I am stealing the shirt, I stop at the door and yell some final words at him. When I turn around, I hear a faint alarm.

I look down at the shirt and see no sensor tag on it but I feel like the alarm is because of me. I look back and see the man come in. I feel like my cover is blown and I begin to hear theatrical pulsing danger music. I tell him that we are in trouble and need to run but he doesn't seem convinced. I say, "Don't you hear the music?" Then is dawns on me that this is related to a lucid dare I was going to try. I know I am dreaming and don't need to nose plug. Unfortunately, the dream crashes right at that moment.

6:48

I am sitting on the couch next to my mom. She tells me my old elementary school teacher, Mr Miles, just passed away and flashes a vivid photo of him. I am said and tell my mom he was my favorite teacher of all time. I cry a little and my wife comforts me. I want to see that picture of him again but my mom can't find it. I take her camera and look through he pictures stored on memory. I ask mom how she knows he died and she tells me that she just talked to his wife. I am confused why she's been talking to her. My mom knows my old teacher's wife? Takes really weird. My vision is blurry and I can't really tell what I am looking for on the camera so I try to look him up online on my laptop. I try to type his name and the town and school he taught in but I can't get anything to work right. All of this reminds me of how when I have a FA and I try to type in my DJ. I think it can't hurt to do a nose plug and I am shocked by the result.

Lucid now, I stand up and run forward into another room with some random DC's chilling in some chairs. I fly around the room with my arm out like an airplane. The DC's smile at me and seem to accept this as normal. There is a strong feeling of G-forces in my gut as I circle around back to the door.

I go back into the living room but it is now a totally different house. It's way more spacious that anything I've even been in and every room and has really light brown thick fluffy carpet. The walls are nearly the same color but it has a serene and heavenly feel to it. I rush through at kitchen with a large island and come to some sort of den or family room. My father is relaxed on a cough giving me a knowing look. I fly around this room a few times but I become preoccupied thinking I had a goal in mind. I try for several seconds but it just wont come to me. Not wanting to ruin the dream, I decide to forget about it.

I come back around to the dad DC and take his hand trying to pull him off the cough. I want him to go adventuring with me but he won't move. For some reason, I notice his hand feels funny. My sense of touch is numbed but his hand feels spongy. I try to ignore it, "Dad, I am having a dream. Get up lets go." He waves me away. "But Dad, it's a lucid dream."

I fall to the floor now and the dream goes dark. I feel the carpet and try to stabilize myself. The plush is deep and I dig in holding on. My left leg twitches and it feel as if I am on my stomach. I wonder if it's my physical body but I know I am not sleeping on my stomach. Then, I feel as if my feet are being pulled up and I wonder if my Dad DC was an actual entity if he sees me being sucked into a vortex from the dream world into the waking world. I can almost see it in my mind. I hear strange noises and then I wake up.

#380 - DILD - 5:28AM

I woke from a dream about a girl fighting off bad men in the mountains. When I woke I used the toilet and failed a half-assed WILD attempt. I eventually had the the following dream.

I am visiting the doctor for multiple ailments. I had a sore throat as well as some other things I am worried about in waking life. I talk things over with my doctor and wife. I didn't think about it then but the doctor looks like Jeremy Crane from sleepy hollow.



I have a false awakening in some military style barracks with multiple bunk-beds. I understand this is a lucid dreaming study and I was supposed to have become lucid. I look around and see some oddities on the ceiling. I blurt out, "This is a dream." There it is. I got lucid. I didn't really know it was a dream at this point and was only pretending so that I didn't seem a total failure.

Erica (My sister's ex-husband's daughter) is in a bed a little ways down from me. She's speaking to some other people in the group saying she was lucid and begins to offer WILD advice. She tells us how she visualized the dream from scratch but went slowly building detail a little at a time. At first I think this is a bunch of nonsense, but the more I think about it, the more I realize this makes a lot of sense. I am mostly just annoyed she did it better than me. Taking her advice to heart, however begrudgingly, I lay back down and make another attempt at WILD.

I quickly see an orange car and zoom in on it. I focus on a side-view mirror and slowly add detail as I zoom out. The car begins to look like The General Lee parked in my driveway as the scene fills out. The sky seems extra vivid now and I look up. I stare at the clouds for a few seconds and have a feeling of entering the dream. Fully lucid now, I look back at the car and now it is an old, light blue Studebaker.



I become excited and hope in through a sunroof into the driver seat. There's no need to start it up but I slap it into 1st gear and let of the clutch as I hit the gas. I shout, "Ooooooh stick shift. How I've missed driving a stick!" In fact this old Studebaker feels familiar like something I used to own a long time ago. I continue on down the street enjoying the labor of shifting gears as I accelerate. At some point I have a strange feeling of fatigue in my right leg; as if I am using my own energy to make the car move along. I ponder how I am going to talk about this new way of WILDing on the podcast. Ill recall the details later. I am sure that I have found the method.

This feeling is broken as I spy three young cheerleaders running across the street ahead of me. Having accomplished my first goal I quickly recall my secondary. I am not sure what my first goal even was. My fake WILD attempt? I know I want to ask a DC an important question, so without slowing down, I do the familiar phasing-out-of-the-car trick. I feel some physical resistance but have no real issue with it. I smile at the closest, yet youngest girl. She reminds me of my younger daughter with her long blond hair. They would be about the same age.

I ask, "Hey... What do you repre...." No not "represent". What was the question? Oh yeah. I try again, "What is the nature of reality?"
The girls body language suggest that she's a little flustered and stressed. She mumbles, "It's in the ashtray."
I chuckle thinking this is typical nonsense from a DC. Disappointed, I let it go and say, "That's ok. Thanks."
The girls now becomes very clear in her words now, with a sense of purpose, "No." She points at the car. "It's in the ashtray. Over there."
I perk up now excited, "Oh? The car?"
She nods and I rush back over to the abandoned Studebaker in the street. I am super scared that I will wake up now, not knowing the answer to my question. I focus on the little details in the road, particularly noting a river rock laying in the middle near the car. I reach inside and pull out an ashtray. It has a lid on it and I flip it open, revealing another lid. I open that to find yet another smaller one. I do this several times until I find a really small yet empty opening. Confused I remove the ashtray and take it to the girl. "It's empty", I say. "There's nothing. Is the nature of reality emptiness?" She gives me a look that conveys a message. I get it right away. I say, "OK It's a puzzle." I really worry that this will just end up being random garbage but I look again really trying to understand. I begin seeing random numbers on the inside of the lids. The numbers change from something chaotic into something with order. They start counting in a sequence from low to high. Something clicks. I ask, "The nature of reality is order?"
She smiles and says, "Well chaos from order..." She has that flustered look again.
Thinking she just got her words backwards, I reply, "Do you mean order from chaos?"
She answers, "Well that too."
I get the feeling that this is only the tip of iceberg and the actual answer is much deeper than this; it's the best short answer she can offer. I say, "Oh wow... that is... REALLY.... interesting." Feeling accomplished, I think that I should wake myself up but I really don't want this to end. I begin to feel a great sense of gratitude toward the girl and whatever part of my subconscious she has come from. I give her a side hug and say, "I love you." I kiss her on the forehead, but she doesn't react in anyway. It's as if she has lost all intelligence. The dream fades and I wake up.

Since it was almost time to wake up anyway, I spent some time letting my mind wander while pondering this dream. It seems like stoner talk but I took notes.

Chaos from order as well as order from chaos... Is this the nature of reality? Maybe she was just referring to the dream state. Order and chaos would surely intermingle there, but isn't that also true for waking life? It's like the Yin and the Yang.

Are the dream state and waking life really so different? Sure waking life is more consistent but that is only because so many minds share in the experience. The dream state is only my one mind. Waking life is billions. This is why dream control is easy but affecting waking life is more difficult. This could explain mass consciousness experiments as well as political and social change. It takes many acting as one to really make any lasting change in the waking world, but what happens when groups of many like minded people clash? War...chaos. Eventually there is order again and the cycle repeats.