Stupid Lucid Dream... or was it?

[gloriousbattle]

Had a lucid dream last night, and woke up happy and disgusted at the same time. On the one hand, I am happy whenever I attain lucidity. On the other, well, just read on. I am sleeping. The house is utterly dark. I wake up and cannot feel my girlfriend lying next to me. For some reason, this scares me. I do a hand reality check. Five fingers, nothing weird. I get up and try to turn the light on. Switch doesn't work. I realize I'm dreaming. Now I go batshit crazy. For whatever reason, I realize my (estranged) brother is sleeping in the next room. I decide I'll turn into a vampire and scare the hell out of him. So, I start floating in the air, and fly into his room. I leap down on him shrieking about his doom, and similar stupid stuff. Please note that my dream is still in total darkness. My brother (who looks like he did when he was ten, he is forty three now) is obviously unimpressed by this, and having none of it. He turns the light on and grabs a belt, preparing to beat the hell out of me with it. Note that I could not turn the light on myself. I start to feel like I am the dream character in his dream. I then awaken. What makes this so ridiculous, is that i don't lucid dream for silly reasons, like flying or having sex with Beyonce. I lucid dream, purposefully, to get in touch with my subconscious mind. So why am I putting up with this shit? My most recent previous lucid dream (six days ago) was about having some guy staring at me in a men's room. wtf? But, as I wrote this into my dream journal, I started to realize how wrong I was. After all, what is contacting my subconscious supposed to be about? Just diving into Mimir's Well, or having tea with Christ or the Buddha? Obviously, there is a dark, mean, lazy, lascivious, cruel, frightenedm, cowardly side to me, as much as there is to anyone else. Well, where is all that stuff supposed to reside, other than in my subconscious? I realize that getting in touch with that side of my subconscious is just as important as getting in touch with the bright side of me, if not moreso. So, subconscious, I apologize for downing your efforts. In fact, I felt quite good today, and actually felt like I had accomplished something. Anyway, I thought this was worth sharing, for anyone who might be experiencing similar "problems." Regards.