so time to catch up on last 3 LD's. I am now focusing on stabilization and dream control. Any help appreciated!

#48 = I-AM, 4/9 morn. WT 4.30, LD around 5.30am - eild.
I am in a NZ house, having just heard a poem read out by an old school friend DS. My wife and I have just had a fun sort of quickie on a couch and she says her parents are coming around. Laughing I stumble in the kitchen and start trying to put my clothes on, but can't seem to do it, but I find this funny, like I'm about to get caught out by the inlaws. I then feel the vibe against my leg and without rushing I just look around for something to do a RC with, I find an electric clock on a dishwasher or oven and look at it and back and the time changes from 4.00, to 5.32 then again as I blink and I am now fully lucid (EILD). I start rubbing my hands together and the dream feels very stable, I am in the kitchen, and I decide to try your shoe challenge NyxCC (totm) given my clothes are on the floor, I lift my foot up, but then...and this is what I need advise on...I start to kinda of feel this dread that I am 'stuck' in this place/dream and something dark might happen. And I sort of panic and drop the dream and wake up.

If I am completely honest with myself I think is the reason why I have dropped some of my LD's before, its this odd contradiction, on the one hand I WANT to get lucid, on the other, when I am sometimes I feel kind a kind of panic that I am in this massive empty place alone and that something bad might happen. If you remember I had a dream a wk or 2 ago where this happened after I became lucid and low and behold a silhouette of an old lady (like a sort of witch) popped up on the horizon, brought into being by my thoughts.

Anyways the day after this I read up some stuff and decided I needed to be more positive, so I decided I would concentrate on being curious of my environment in term of focusing on the details in my environment rather than swallowed up overthinking how 'big' the unknown the dreamworld could be.

The next morning I got lucids 49+50, after a few drinks, bed 12.00 (london), WT 4.30 first LD 6.00 I-AM
49 - an odd NLD I am playing tennis with celebreties in an indoor hall, the actress who plays Kalassi in Thrones goes past with something dangling from beneath her, at first I think it might a sort of 'crying game' moment, but then I think maybe shes in the process of a really long child birth (! weird). Anyway the dream changes to me looking at myself in a mirrored surface of a kettle. I have a stubbly beard and even with the curved surface distorting the image I can tell its not me and I think 'this is definitely a dream - cool' I remember my stratergy so I start rubbing my hands to stabilise and say 'I will maintain lucidity, I will be curious' over and over again, this seems to help but the dream has sort of morphoed I have lost the vision in my LE completely and the RE is like looking through a diagnonal slit. I keep saying the mantra so I think I should be curious and explore, I try pulling my RE eyelids apart but this doesn't help my sight so I think, 'just keep going', I decide to experiment pushing my thumb through my hand (haven't done this for ages) and start doing, it stretches like plastene but then I am not rubbing my hands and I think I'd better do that and I start rubbing my hands but too late and it fades to the void. I am in the void for around 60-90secs, just lying there, can't feel my body in bed, can't feel my dream body, I am not sure what to do, I start of clapping but then I slowly start to wake up for real.

I am pretty pissed off after this! Even though I got lucid, it annoys me that again I haven't been able to do much, even though I got some stabilization and remembered to do what I intended (the curosity mantra) it still didn't come together. ARRGH!

so I try again, its 6.00am and I figure I've 1 hr max left. I return to sleep and get LD 50 (yay!) at 7.00am
50 - I am outdoors at a sports fixture, a atheltic meet, oddly the sprinters have scottish soltares on their shoulders (even though its not glasglow) and have headphone ear buds taped to their arms (to stop them bouncing around during their run!). The run is cancelled and the athletes file out to a judge, some of the athletes have the bottom of faces blanked out just eyes, no nose or mouth just smooth skin and I wonder if they are wearing onezees or in a movie. I look down at my watch and its all scratched out and blurred so I can't do a RC and I am instantly lucid. I think 'fuck it, I am just going to go for it this time' so I immediately sprint off, I am running along the raised spectators bank and I jump off and start flying and start going up and I think 'I'm doing that again' recalling my last flying LD where I went too high into the clouds and into the void, so I correct it and fly lower around 3ms above ground level. Its very detailed I am flying above the referrees and athletes but then BAMMM the dream goes black and I am chucked into the void. Again I don't know what to do (I think about canis lucidis' waving of the gladius but nothing happens, no dream scene appears) and I wake up.

Good and bad - getting some dream control (I can fly, change direction and height), I can easily recall memories from real life (intentions, other dreams etc) but I am still frustrated about the length of the dream, and I think I haven't resolved my 'fears', I think flying helps defeat this, but with flying I feel I am not stimulating my dream body enough, (maybe I should flap rather than superman?).

any thoughts NyxCC? am I on the right track? cheers and hopes all well - T