hey , i'm sickofthisplace.

[sickofthisplace]

hey guys, my name is aykut and i'm new to this board and lucid dreaming itself. about myself i'm 15 years old turning 16 soon and am from germany visiting an academic highschool. i'm a melancholic human often thinking about life and death and the universe itself and i suck at school because i'm lazy as fck. i've never truly experienced love but there are people i have feelings for but i don't know how to describe them. my family is pretty poor and are always arguing but it's a bit awkward to describe my family situation. we don't like each other but dont hate each other aswell. i for one view them as my 'creators' because i don't like the concept of family. they dont love you for who you are , they do because they are you and you are them in a weird way. can't describe it well. to explain my lifestyle i've to talk about the situation of our district or my city. i'm turkish and was born and live in germany. i come from a small village. after i graduated from elementary school i visited an accademic highschool in a bigger city of the district. in this city actually everybody knows everyone from facebook 'n stuff besides the famous people dont know the no-names for obvious reasons. i look like a retard and i'm short (1,60 meters). i failed one year and now i'm in class with some retards and a fame person i'm friends with now who failed one year earlier. we visited the same class alltime though he never paid any attention to me. i kinda liked him since i have been knowing him and i feel like we are soulmates (no-homo). he is one of the only person i would consider a 'friend' because i think he would understand me even if we dont talk about this kind of topic. if it was either do or die he probably would drop me but i'm okay with that. apart from that i hang out with some stupid people who are in my opinion considered fame though they don't take me with them when they do something on weekends or birthdays the only times beeing special events like festivals. i'm king in faking my social status and thus appear fame to the retards even if i'm not fame a bit. in my opinion the most apparent reasons for me doing that are me trying to protect myself from society and the world itself. if even one nN was to bash me i would verbally destroy him even if i didn't had anything to backup my words. the other reason would be to be able to meet fame girls and extend my connections for the future. im really into females even if i don't imagine doing dirty stuff with them. i just like girls. the beeings itself and how they act , look and smile. everyday life and reality are boring i've no future because i'm too lazy to learn for school and i don't like my family in general because we are not able to really communicate with each other most likely due language barriers. i speak fluent german and english but no turkish even if my family is using it everyday and since i have been born. i'm sick of this place and have no ambition or any plans for the future. i just want to enjoy life till the end because LUCKILY i'm able to feel and have emotions. i like to cry. and one of the most enjoyable things in my life is reading manga. i'm really into it and prefer seinen. and here comes why i want to be able to dream lucid. to escape this boring reality and spend more of this little time we have left on earth happily. i actually believe in god because i'm from a muslim family. well that's what i like to think at least. i'm too lazy to prey five times a day. i'm drinking to increase my fame though i don't particularly like it. tastes like sh.it with the expection of some beer. i'm an occasional smoker and tbh i like it. i'm not addicted to it and even if i were i would be to lazy to go out of my way and leave my house to smoke. i like weed and would do it more frequently if i had enough. didn't try anything else yet. yep , that's my story and probably nobody cares about it anyways not that i blamed you for not though. typing it out just brought my mind to ease a bit. so about the main topic. i heard about lucid dreaming from the afore-mentioned friend and he said he had tried it one time but it didn't work so he dropped it. yesterday i kinda picked it up again and wanted to do this by all means. i think it's something that's worth to put a effort in. lolz my dad just has come to my room and i explained this to him and he labeled it as bullshit. not that i expected more. i learned a few RC's e.g the nose, phone, fingethroughthehand tricks. i got myself a student blog and a pen to write down my dreams. since i started this yesterday i managed to remember one dream and wrote it down after i waked up around 3:30am. was a dumb non-lucid dream about me wanting to smoke with a few friends in school and getting lost and waking up. one problem on my mind are the RC's. i'm not able to concentrate on a single one and then end up doing three different ones in a row. is this okay or should i try to specialize on one? i've read that you should be critical about your surroundings and do the RC's serious and not by default without critizing something. that's like so hard because literally nothing unusual happens in my boring computer life. i've done it atleast five times while typing this while asking myself the question 'Is this a dream or reality?' , inside my head. i think today im going with the MILD technique. thanks for reading.