Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

My subconscious seriously needs to stop sending me messages, it's screwing up my life.

Or I'm screwing up my life by not listening. Why does it have to be so complicated?

I want to beat the **** out of this chick in my P.E. class.

Sometimes I really think that I should be on some kind of mood stabilizer or something. These can't be the kinds of thoughts that mentally healthy people have. They just can't.

Maybe I just need some more vitamin C in my diet. I wonder if we have any bottles in the kitchen....

I'm fucked up... Always got to love the people that hurt me. At least this time I'm acting as hard as I can like I don't care or am interested, and she's starting to at least act interested. Then Again I guess she was the one that taught me to wear a mask like this.

Gotta get that calcium!

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

I'm fucked up... Always got to love the people that hurt me. At least this time I'm acting as hard as I can like I don't care or am interested, and she's starting to at least act interested. Then Again I guess she was the one that taught me to wear a mask like this.

^ One of my favourite quotes, so damn true.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Sometimes I really think that I should be on some kind of mood stabilizer or something. These can't be the kinds of thoughts that mentally healthy people have. They just can't.

Maybe I just need some more vitamin C in my diet. I wonder if we have any bottles in the kitchen....

Or b12? That fucks with your mood a lot if you don't get enough. Can cause psychosis and everything.

Totally with you there though, was just thinking before that I never want to have a kid because of the chance they'd have to spend a lifetime with a brain anything similar to mine.... I just couldn't do that to another person.

EDIT: This made me just consider trying b12 myself, I had assumed I was getting enough, but turns out mushrooms don't actually contain that much b12. And I barely eat meat. I found some mussels and sardines in the cupboard and ate them. First, holy shit mussels are so goddamn nice! Never had them before.
Second, I feel so good! Either this is an awesome placebo or I was b12 deficient for a long time. I mean I don't feel invincible or anything, but there is a noticeable improvement from normal. Like instead of 3 on overall mood I'm at about a 7.

Originally Posted by tommo

Or b12? That fucks with your mood a lot if you don't get enough. Can cause psychosis and everything.

That could be too, though I actually did just recently start taking a B-complex multivitamin. I always question the effectiveness of those things though, I'm thinking about just buying all the important ones and taking them individually....

The main reason I said vitamin C is because, while many B vitamins play a role in the production of dopamine, C is actually important for both dopamine and, uniquely, oxytocin. I was thinking that the latter would probably be much more likely to lower psychosis than the former. Plus, I just wouldn't mind having some more oxytocin in my life in general.... It's the only chemical in the human body that I like even more than dopamine. >.>

Originally Posted by tommo

Totally with you there though, was just thinking before that I never want to have a kid because of the chance they'd have to spend a lifetime with a brain anything similar to mine.... I just couldn't do that to another person.

My dad has actually apologized to me for this reason. I have to say I've thought along the same lines before....

Originally Posted by tommo

EDIT: This made me just consider trying b12 myself, I had assumed I was getting enough, but turns out mushrooms don't actually contain that much b12. And I barely eat meat. I found some mussels and sardines in the cupboard and ate them. First, holy shit mussels are so goddamn nice! Never had them before.
Second, I feel so good! Either this is an awesome placebo or I was b12 deficient for a long time. I mean I don't feel invincible or anything, but there is a noticeable improvement from normal. Like instead of 3 on overall mood I'm at about a 7.

Hahaha, well maybe you should start a better vitamin program then too. We can be... vitamin buddies?

Feeling really sad right now. Don't really have a reason. Just, sad. Would respond to people's comments but, just. I. *sighs*

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That could be too, though I actually did just recently start taking a B-complex multivitamin. I always question the effectiveness of those things though, I'm thinking about just buying all the important ones and taking them individually....

The main reason I said vitamin C is because, while many B vitamins play a role in the production of dopamine, C is actually important for both dopamine and, uniquely, oxytocin. I was thinking that the latter would probably be much more likely to lower psychosis than the former. Plus, I just wouldn't mind having some more oxytocin in my life in general.... It's the only chemical in the human body that I like even more than dopamine. >.>

Yeah I figure its probably better absorbed from food, plus those pills probably sit in warehouses and store shelves for a year before you take them, b vitamins especially degrade fairly quickly iirc.

Also a lot of less common foods are high in vitamins and minerals that are only found in low levels in common foods, so I get to try new foods, like Tahini for tryptophan and bokchoy for iron (since I don't really like meat).

That's interesting about vitamin c, I will get done orange juice tomorrow along with the mussels

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

My dad has actually apologized to me for this reason. I have to say I've thought along the same lines before....

There is the possibility it is lifestyle related still. And if it isn't maybe we will do genetic screening soon like in Gattaca to choose the best genes.

Report back how the vitamin c goes

I was on to my second day of work today, with my sister's moped and out of nowhere some fucking idiot hits me with her car. I'm a pretty tough guy mentally so I don't give two shits about myself, but I'm pissed that this is going to cost me lots of money and that this happened on my second workday. How am I going to explain this to my boss? And how am I going to pay this bill. I had priority over her to cross over as well, but I don't have a drivers license.

I swear if this bitch is going to fucker me over for God knows how much money I'll drive to her home (took nate of her address and all) and smash her car the fuck in and throw a couple of bricks through her window. Yes, I'm obviously mad.

Oh I forgot to add that 'she was busy talking to her daughter so she didn't see me'. Yeah, that's what happens when you let women drive.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Damn.... Thats straight up deep. Made me feel better about my situation though.

Yeah that's a nice one by ol Bob. If people aren't worth it, I simply remove them from my life.

There's this guy who is racist, homophobic, sexist...- basically all the bigotry you could get- and he is somehow convinced that I am his friend. He is constantly ranting about random subjects for literally thirty minutes, and I had not even said a word yet. He's constantly talking crap about my real friends, but I cannot seem to find anything in me to tell him to fuck off. Wat do?

And I hate my Hall Points. I should be at like 1500, but like 50 posts of mine just didn't tally.

Originally Posted by Jabre

There's this guy who is racist, homophobic, sexist...- basically all the bigotry you could get- and he is somehow convinced that I am his friend. He is constantly ranting about random subjects for literally thirty minutes, and I had not even said a word yet. He's constantly talking crap about my real friends, but I cannot seem to find anything in me to tell him to fuck off. Wat do?

And I hate my Hall Points. I should be at like 1500, but like 50 posts of mine just didn't tally.

Ignore him.

Originally Posted by Athylus

I was on to my second day of work today, with my sister's moped and out of nowhere some fucking idiot hits me with her car. I'm a pretty tough guy mentally so I don't give two shits about myself, but I'm pissed that this is going to cost me lots of money and that this happened on my second workday. How am I going to explain this to my boss? And how am I going to pay this bill. I had priority over her to cross over as well, but I don't have a drivers license.

I swear if this bitch is going to fucker me over for God knows how much money I'll drive to her home (took nate of her address and all) and smash her car the fuck in and throw a couple of bricks through her window. Yes, I'm obviously mad.

Oh I forgot to add that 'she was busy talking to her daughter so she didn't see me'. Yeah, that's what happens when you let women drive.

Obviously you've had a shit day, and you're angry, but you should look at the fact that you don't even have a license. So whatever happens, it's your fault.
Bikes in general are hard to see, and she obviously didn't and/or lost concentration for a second.
If you got your license you would know this is extremely common, and you would have learned how to avoid getting hit by them and make yourself visible.

Originally Posted by Jabre

There's this guy who is racist, homophobic, sexist...- basically all the bigotry you could get- and he is somehow convinced that I am his friend. He is constantly ranting about random subjects for literally thirty minutes, and I had not even said a word yet. He's constantly talking crap about my real friends, but I cannot seem to find anything in me to tell him to fuck off. Wat do?

And I hate my Hall Points. I should be at like 1500, but like 50 posts of mine just didn't tally.

Ask him why he is so judgmental all the time toward everyone, maybe he's angry/ashamed about something else in his life.

When someone gets under your skin too much, just ignore them most of the time.

Originally Posted by hathor28

When someone gets under your skin too much, just ignore them most of the time.

This is the advice I follow.

People hate it but hey, they shouldn't be such annoying shits. -_-

Originally Posted by Athylus

I was on to my second day of work today, with my sister's moped and out of nowhere some fucking idiot hits me with her car. I'm a pretty tough guy mentally so I don't give two shits about myself, but I'm pissed that this is going to cost me lots of money and that this happened on my second workday. How am I going to explain this to my boss? And how am I going to pay this bill. I had priority over her to cross over as well, but I don't have a drivers license.

I swear if this bitch is going to fucker me over for God knows how much money I'll drive to her home (took nate of her address and all) and smash her car the fuck in and throw a couple of bricks through her window. Yes, I'm obviously mad.

Oh I forgot to add that 'she was busy talking to her daughter so she didn't see me'. Yeah, that's what happens when you let women drive.

I felt bad for you until the last sentence.

[Erase paragraph and edit] Okay, I still feel bad for you. I may have said something similar if I were that mad. You may be subconsciously sexist but this isn't the time for me to get pissed about it.

----------------

Today I tried one of those site-blockers that help you from being constantly lured by internet temptations called Cold Turkey. I've known that such programs exist for a couple years, but never wanted to try it before because I felt that I'd be essentially giving up, admitting to myself that I have no willpower at all and need to be forced away from the internet. But I finally tried it out of desperation, set it for 8 hours, and it worked, sort of. At first I was happy and felt free. I didn't even have to exercise any willpower because the option to go on DV, youtube, etc. wasn't there (well I still had my laptop but I chose to pretend I didn't). There were several times that I was sick of it, I felt I needed a break but I still couldn't get on sites and I actually got pretty upset. At one point I found myself opening a YouTube cached copy as well as a DV one, just so that I could stare at it and trick my brain for a moment into believing I was on the actual website.... that isn't a good sign, right?

Spoiler for assignment rant:

Anyway, I didn't really even get anything done today, although I worked harder than I have in a single day in a long time. All I needed to do was to find a research topic (for my operating systems class) from online databases and e-journals, etc, and I couldn't even do that. I don't know why. It sounds really easy, but I needed to find some recurrent problem which is addressed in at least a few different articles, and I couldn't. It was like all the articles addressed specific problems, which I started writing down, but there are no repeating ones. I must have read like 40 journal papers (not the whole thing just like a couple pages of each) and kept switching what my specific topic would be after realizing the one I thought I'd chosen was only addressed in a single article. I finally thought I'd narrowed down my topic but I'm afraid this one is kind of flimsy. The ones I can think of either seem to be so narrow I can't find any research on them, or obviously too broad. If the papers were just organized by the topic I want that would be awesome, but there are all these libraries which I have to search individually. I spent most of the time not even reading papers, but searching for papers to read.

And I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do. I need to hand in a proposal as soon as possible. It says to include the references I'll be using along with the proposal for the research project. But that doesn't make any sense to me. How can I include all of my references? Doesn't doing the research project entail researching references which I'll find along the way? How can I know all the references I'll use before I even start? I can't really ask the professor, as this is an online course and he only wants e-mails, not phone-calls, but I need to do the proposal by tomorrow and don't have time to wait for an e-mail. So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing I guess, keep reading stuff until more issues arise and a topic becomes clear. I'm getting so stressed realizing that I actually didn't procrastinate all day, and worked constantly, but I have nothing to show for it...

Ok.... phew, interview *did* turn out to be a group one, so I way way way way way over prepared lol.

However, it was kind of shit. It was very similar to that other group interview I went to but far shorter and didn't really allow us to show ourselves.

It was like "Write the answers to these questions and then present to the group". The questions were "name" "favourite food" "superpower you want" "favourite holiday place" and.... some other shite question.... oh, "where have you worked before". Now I'm pretty sure they weren't judging based on answers, besides maybe the work one, but if they're doing some bullshit Freudian psychological thing based on our answers.... well if I don't get it, who really cares, it's a load of crap anyway. They also called out words and we had to write a word relating to it, which is another similar Freudian pseudo science thing, but again I would be flabbergasted if they were actually doing that, the words were things like "leadership" and "teamwork" etc.

Sort of tangential, I realised how fucking obviously I have ADD. I haven't been in school for years so I forgot how bad it is. When they were calling out words and stuff I just completely missed everything they said, and one time almost fucked me over coz everyone had finished writing and I didn't even know they had said another word. Had to subtly say I wasn't done yet and then ask the woman next to me what the word was.

Definitely need to go see a doctor soon.

Earthquake of 5.1 magnitude felt in GTA; no injuries reported | CP24.com
I was sleeping, this happened around 9am!, i woke up feeling my right side twitch like some magnetic field was humming beside me, it hummed like a few times stopped and went. Then it stopped, i went back to sleep, woke up again, 5-10mins later feeling the same thing, i'm like wtf is this myself twitching or an earthquake?? Then i seen the news.
The picture in the article was taken at my birthday when i was 16 lol.

Originally Posted by tommo

Ok.... phew, interview *did* turn out to be a group one, so I way way way way way over prepared lol.

However, it was kind of shit. It was very similar to that other group interview I went to but far shorter and didn't really allow us to show ourselves.

It was like "Write the answers to these questions and then present to the group". The questions were "name" "favourite food" "superpower you want" "favourite holiday place" and.... some other shite question.... oh, "where have you worked before". Now I'm pretty sure they weren't judging based on answers, besides maybe the work one, but if they're doing some bullshit Freudian psychological thing based on our answers.... well if I don't get it, who really cares, it's a load of crap anyway. They also called out words and we had to write a word relating to it, which is another similar Freudian pseudo science thing, but again I would be flabbergasted if they were actually doing that, the words were things like "leadership" and "teamwork" etc.

I hope you put Superman, because we all know Superman would destroy everyone. They might pick a random person's favorite food, and poison it, and based on your favorite holiday and place, they would take the first letter of each answer choice of the 3rd person's name based on their height, weight, and age, and then choose an actual location for the group to go through the preliminaries as well. And if you chose Superman, because Superman is awesome, he could use his amazing powahs to tell you which food has the poison. Then he could give you all the information you need to get the job because he used his photographic memory to memorize the pages to make a few selective but successful attempts you could take.

I really hope you picked Superman, I seriously hope you did, or you're on a tight lease here. Or at least one that could process various scenarios and know which ones can work and can easily tell which object/food is safe to eat.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I felt bad for you until the last sentence.

[Erase paragraph and edit] Okay, I still feel bad for you. I may have said something similar if I were that mad. You may be subconsciously sexist but this isn't the time for me to get pissed about it.

It was just a joke, I'm not a sexist at all. Also because I was mad. Sorry if I offended you, I don't really mean it.

Originally Posted by tommo

Yeah I figure its probably better absorbed from food, plus those pills probably sit in warehouses and store shelves for a year before you take them, b vitamins especially degrade fairly quickly iirc.

Also a lot of less common foods are high in vitamins and minerals that are only found in low levels in common foods, so I get to try new foods, like Tahini for tryptophan and bokchoy for iron (since I don't really like meat).

That's interesting about vitamin c, I will get done orange juice tomorrow along with the mussels

I've never tried either of those lol. Maybe I should start looking more into that stuff too.... I wasn't aware of B vitamins degrading quickly either, that's good to know! Do you have any idea about the other vitamins?

Originally Posted by tommo

There is the possibility it is lifestyle related still. And if it isn't maybe we will do genetic screening soon like in Gattaca to choose the best genes.

Report back how the vitamin c goes

Yeah.... It really could go either way, nature vs nurture that is, but I'm like a prime example whatever forces are at work here. I'm almost exactly like both of my parents in seemingly almost every way possible. I've actually often felt like part of the reason I'm so conflicted all the time is because my parents are great for each other but so opposite in so many ways, and I'm always swinging between both of their kinds of personalities from day to day....

Anyway, will do. I bought a C-1000 pill yesterday and I've liked it so far.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Today I tried one of those site-blockers that help you from being constantly lured by internet temptations called Cold Turkey. I've known that such programs exist for a couple years, but never wanted to try it before because I felt that I'd be essentially giving up, admitting to myself that I have no willpower at all and need to be forced away from the internet. But I finally tried it out of desperation, set it for 8 hours, and it worked, sort of. At first I was happy and felt free. I didn't even have to exercise any willpower because the option to go on DV, youtube, etc. wasn't there (well I still had my laptop but I chose to pretend I didn't). There were several times that I was sick of it, I felt I needed a break but I still couldn't get on sites and I actually got pretty upset. At one point I found myself opening a YouTube cached copy as well as a DV one, just so that I could stare at it and trick my brain for a moment into believing I was on the actual website.... that isn't a good sign, right?

They have things like that? That sounds really useful, but stressful too lol. Anyway, internet addiction is a real thing. I don't think there's any shame in using tools to help you get over it. I'm sure we could all use something like that every now and then....

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Spoiler for assignment rant:

Anyway, I didn't really even get anything done today, although I worked harder than I have in a single day in a long time. All I needed to do was to find a research topic (for my operating systems class) from online databases and e-journals, etc, and I couldn't even do that. I don't know why. It sounds really easy, but I needed to find some recurrent problem which is addressed in at least a few different articles, and I couldn't. It was like all the articles addressed specific problems, which I started writing down, but there are no repeating ones. I must have read like 40 journal papers (not the whole thing just like a couple pages of each) and kept switching what my specific topic would be after realizing the one I thought I'd chosen was only addressed in a single article. I finally thought I'd narrowed down my topic but I'm afraid this one is kind of flimsy. The ones I can think of either seem to be so narrow I can't find any research on them, or obviously too broad. If the papers were just organized by the topic I want that would be awesome, but there are all these libraries which I have to search individually. I spent most of the time not even reading papers, but searching for papers to read.

And I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do. I need to hand in a proposal as soon as possible. It says to include the references I'll be using along with the proposal for the research project. But that doesn't make any sense to me. How can I include all of my references? Doesn't doing the research project entail researching references which I'll find along the way? How can I know all the references I'll use before I even start? I can't really ask the professor, as this is an online course and he only wants e-mails, not phone-calls, but I need to do the proposal by tomorrow and don't have time to wait for an e-mail. So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing I guess, keep reading stuff until more issues arise and a topic becomes clear. I'm getting so stressed realizing that I actually didn't procrastinate all day, and worked constantly, but I have nothing to show for it...

I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice to help your situation, but just remember that the difference between procrastination and working is whether or not you allow yourself to give into instant gratifications. If you're actually doing the work you need to get by there's no guarantee that everything will turn out alright by the end of the day, that's why people avoid it so much as opposed to something that's always easy and rewarding, but the fact that you did stick to the right routine is still going to have positive outcomes in the long-term. Just keeping that attitude will eventually get you much further than just slacking off would do, even if it doesn't always seem like it in the beginning.

I guess I do have a thought, actually.... Have you thought about just sending an email anyway? Even though I agree that it probably wouldn't work out with how little time you have left, I feel like you can't say for certain. Who knows, maybe he could be happening to check his email right when you send him one, and just responds right away? That's what I think I would do anyway, just in case it does happen to work out, and you can still operate as if it won't until then.

Originally Posted by tommo

Ok.... phew, interview *did* turn out to be a group one, so I way way way way way over prepared lol.

However, it was kind of shit. It was very similar to that other group interview I went to but far shorter and didn't really allow us to show ourselves.

It was like "Write the answers to these questions and then present to the group". The questions were "name" "favourite food" "superpower you want" "favourite holiday place" and.... some other shite question.... oh, "where have you worked before". Now I'm pretty sure they weren't judging based on answers, besides maybe the work one, but if they're doing some bullshit Freudian psychological thing based on our answers.... well if I don't get it, who really cares, it's a load of crap anyway. They also called out words and we had to write a word relating to it, which is another similar Freudian pseudo science thing, but again I would be flabbergasted if they were actually doing that, the words were things like "leadership" and "teamwork" etc.

That's ridiculous lol. What else would they be judging on though? Did they ask any real questions? >.>

Originally Posted by tommo

Sort of tangential, I realised how fucking obviously I have ADD. I haven't been in school for years so I forgot how bad it is. When they were calling out words and stuff I just completely missed everything they said, and one time almost fucked me over coz everyone had finished writing and I didn't even know they had said another word. Had to subtly say I wasn't done yet and then ask the woman next to me what the word was.

Definitely need to go see a doctor soon.

Have you been on any ADD meds before? I feel like you had, but maybe I'm wrong....

-----

Rave: I'm done for the semester!! And all of the finals stuff was relatively easy. Thank goodness it's all over, I was starting to get really stressed by all that class work.... Now there's just a few more days until I'm going on vacation with my family for a couple weeks.

Rant: So in my last class, the only one I actually had to take a final exam in instead of writing an essay at home and just bringing it in on the last day, there's this girl who sits (or sat, now) in the row behind me. I never payed much attention to her at first other than noticing that she's a bit over confident, like she spoke out in class a LOT and definitely has at least a little bit of an ego, but that's it until this one day a little after halfway into the semester when she was saying something that was making me kind of pissed. I still never spoke to her or anything though, it's just that after that day I always had that somewhat aggressive view of her. So after people were finishing their exams in the class we were all standing in line to turn in our scantrons and whatnot, and I ended up standing right behind that girl. This was the closest proximity to her I'd ever been, and then my mind started betraying me. You know those times when the line between aggression and attraction start to blur? Yeah... I guess I ingrained those emotions a little too well. I suddenly couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. I even ended up making a joke to start a little conversation, which felt great, even though I'm still pissed at her. Stupid brain. I can't stop thinking about her either. I mean it's pointless because now that the semester's over I'll probably never see her again anyway, but now it's going to be bugging me for a while.

Sigh. Sometimes I love to hate myself.

Another Rave: I just checked out the images and names of the latest Pokémon revealed for Generation VI.... I can't fucking wait, knowing a new game is coming out is just as drunkening as always, I feel like a kid again.