Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Ahhh here comes the moment I've dreaded.... sleep time. I'm really, really, really not looking forward to tomorrow.

Thanks. I'm glad I didn't either. Most of the depression I experience these days is just conditioned in. I'm actually really happy about life in general. Luckily I have some of the greatest friends I ever could've hoped for. And you're a nice person, too! Cheer up, life's not as bad as it seems. I'm going to bed soon since my physical symptoms are low right now and I want to be able to fall asleep while I can but I hope you feel better.

It's already almost 1:30... Can't fall asleep... I'm gonna die at school tomorrow.

Originally Posted by OldSparta

So... I got curious and tried cutting myself... Umm Ow. Why the hell would people do this willingly. That fucking hurt.



More than likely

EDIT: I'm not a cutter. I'm just a curious idiot.

Hehe, I did that too once. I wanted to see if it was really as relieving as people say.
I cut on the inside of my thigh, it just hurt, that's all lol
I was just curious too, although I was pretty depressed at that point in my life.
I really don't get the appeal. Maybe some people just get more endorphins from it or something.
I never get runner's highs either

I'm in that misanthropic mood again, going back to those temptations of just hating human beings and myself again.

Thanks a lot Extended Discussion threads......

This world sucks, I'm only alive because I have to be a vessel for us to just recycle universal concepts again because rarely anyone wants to change the status quo. Man FUCK!! If only I could acquire unlimited funds to carry out my intentions.....nope, I'm not worth it, just a little ant compared to corporate business, a number, a potential for them to become richer, just an item.

Family....they want you to succeed, but when you do, they pull you down. Friends pull you down, enemies pull you down, everyone pulls you down as you try to go beyond the scope of this world.

To be able to see the world for what it truly is out in space. To stand on the moon and watch it, and look around me of all the other stars...but no, and even if I could do that, I would speculate if it was just my mind that made associations to make such temptations a reality.

To just see the world fall and die, and watch the countless of people panic and cry on their feet as the world ends, to laugh uncontrollably when everyone comes to the realization that we're just objects because we set ourselves up for failure. To make myself think that everyone I care about and love are just projections that I accept to fit a need I do/not desire. To see male and females belittle each other with double standards that end up getting changed to conform to truth rather than accepting that said standards were flawed because our ignorance.

To bitch about how one side only likes this, and how the other only likes that, to suddenly make one man/woman represent ALL of man/woman in the world. Why is it that our minds are so small in processing and taking in such experiences? Why can't we expand it instead of just using associations from prior experiences as some medium to create anticipation and form an almost fixed perception of things we interact with.

To only be limited to just what is around us and gathering all that makes me want to fucking punch myself...I hate this shit...I hate humanity, but we can't be an island because of so many factors that isn't even worth stating here.....my eyes are droopy....I honestly think I have a dissociation with my personality as a whole. =/

Everyone says to enjoy the beauty in life, but it's just too small to enjoy...

About cutting. Uh yeah... it isn't just depression. You can't expect to get anything out of it. I don't think I've ever felt any 'endorphins', whatever those are supposed to feel like. When I do it, it's for the most obvious reason possible. Because I'm experiencing so much self-hatred that I feel like I deserve to have pain inflicted upon me. That's all.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

Everyone says to enjoy the beauty in life, but it's just too small to enjoy...

You and I live on different planets, my friend.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

You can't expect to get anything out of it.That's all.

Agreed.

Well that's not what I've heard most people say. And why would people get addicted to it? Endorphins.
I guess there are different reasons, mostly I think it's for attention or some need to make one's self feel like they have suffered more than is necessary.
I dunno I just don't get it if there's no relief from anything.

Hating yourself is enough, inflicting more pain is pointless.
I don't buy it.

Well that's the honest motivation for me. It can't be for attention when no one sees. Mentioning it to people on this website doesn't count because I never planned to while I did it, and I used to do it years ago without telling anyone at all. When you're angry at another person it's natural to want some harm to befall them. It's the same as that but toward oneself.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I don't think I've ever felt any 'endorphins', whatever those are supposed to feel like.

I usually have a hard time resisting not to harm myself when I'm frustrated or angry about something because those endorphins is what instantly calms me down.

I got mayo on the rug. And then I rubbed it all over while trying to clean it up. Mom's mad.

Originally Posted by tommo

Hating yourself is enough, inflicting more pain is pointless.
I don't buy it.

No... it's not. That is the point. It's obviously going to be a little hard to get if you haven't actually been that depressed, but that's how it works.

So.... Drunk me is retarded. It never occurred to me last night that ALL my shirts are t-shirts. So now I'm wearing a dress shirt that is basically too small for me. Smart move Drunk self, smart move. -.-

And Dianeva, Endorphins are what making stabbing yourself in your leg hurt less. If you've ever notices that something hurts more like 20-30 minutes later, it's because of endorphins.

lol Old Sparta but for your pain and depression

When I was a kid I watched some show or cartoon where someone complained about a headache so someone else stomped on their foot. The person got really mad and tried strangling the other but was asked how their head felt
That was the best description of basic self-injury. Some people cannot/will not deal with emotional tension (sadness, rage, anger etc) so they change their pain into something something physical that's more easy to understand and deal with.
For me, I've always called SI a "grounding" act. When my emotions are in total turmoil, SI brings me back to earth.
I don't go crazy with SI. Before I do, I clean my blade. I wipe the area. Then I cut slowly and just deep enough to see the skin part. I get a very mild endorphin rush. Then I clean everything up with rubbing alcohol and bandage if it's in a more obvious area (I tend to live in long skirts and long sleeve shirts but sometimes it's just too freagin hot for that). If not, I just keep a napkin nearby (seems to heal better un-bandaged).

My rant is that I slept all day yesterday. Social interacts RIDICULOUSLY drain me.
BUT, it gave me an idea. I'm about to hibernate for 3 days to get past the withdrawal of smoking. I'm going to try to quit smoking again.

Good luck Zhay!! You can do it. I never smoked that much but it was still difficult to quit, and I'm so glad I did.

Grats, Alyzarin and thanks for the encouragement
I'm just sick of always being broke. And I told my son if I succeed in quitting, then he'll be quitting too seeing how I buy his smokes.

My mom just called for a personal favor. She wants me to drive to my brother and pick up his belongings and hold onto them for him so he doesn't have to throw them away. One of our Aunts sent money from FL for him a place to stay, but he ended up having to use most of that to bail himself out of jail. My moms childhood bestfriend called the cops on him because he put his fist through a window of the shack they had him staying in, he busted a coffee table and they're accusing him of stealing some jewelry. Nothing's showed up at Pawn Shops and he didn't have anything on him, so that part will likely be dropped. Mom says her friend is peeved and is just making stuff up at this point.
I can hold onto his stuff for him but then I need to be done before I get in trouble with hubby.

And just when my hibernation was about to begin

Zhaylin, I used to think that your hubby was only a spiteful jerk, but now I see that your relatives contribute a good deal to your family problems. You're something like a family Mother Teresa, girl!

No, I couldn't bear such a family situation for too long.

Lmao, my body doesn't want to cooperate with me. I used two alarms, one on my laptop and an external alarm clock. I set one 5 minutes before the other would start so that I would know that when I wake up, I better turn off the other and change it to a later time.

But noooope, forgot what the hell I did to actually turn them OFF. I wake up again at 8:30 AM, my Political Science course starts at 9:10 AM. I'm thinking..."FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK...gogogogogoggogo gogogogogo!"

My clothing went from "underwear" to "well groomed and dressed" in like 1 minute and a half.

I used Gum as my replacement for brushing my teeth, man do I feel disgusted by that....all the slime and everything...eeeeeewww

And I always hate that whenever I have only like and half hour to get to class and start dashing, random things in life start popping up, like an owner walking their dog coming into my direction, a random truck going "OH HOLD ON BRO, LET ME GO OVER TO THIS SIDE WHILE YOU WAIT IN RAGE TO GET TO YOUR CLASS."

Then I'm thinking "Fuck, why was I rushing to class in the first place? This is fucking college..."

I met my Biology 111 professor (cool guy but he just fucking talks too much about life stories instead of the actual subject at hand). I tried to ignore him when I was going to my Biology 112 class (he lectures Bio 111 in the same room as my Bio 112). I don't know where that hand has been from! I don't want the shrimp smell cologne you naturally have to leech its way to me!

I don't get it with these professors, I could care less about them, and yet they still find it worth their time to introduce themselves to me. Like really, I only met you in the store when I was going for groceries, it doesn't mean we're going to be buddies. You're like freaking, I don't know 50-60?? You're almost near death, probably struggling for retirement funds, you shouldn't be indulging on the youth, at least go for the young ladies, and you have a WIFE for crying out loud!

I hope I don't end up like my Science professors....oh man noooooo PLEASE FATE!! DOn't lead me towards that path!!!

Originally Posted by OldSparta

And Dianeva, Endorphins are what making stabbing yourself in your leg hurt less. If you've ever notices that something hurts more like 20-30 minutes later, it's because of endorphins.

Okay, but that's physical. I don't notice any numbing of emotional pain from cutting, besides the psychological ones I might get from feeling like I've done justice. If there's any chemical emotional numbing, it's not something I've ever noticed.

I'm off 4 days a week now. The bad thing is I stay up late and sleep until noon. The upside is between 7am and noon, I have the best LDs. And a lot of them. But I feel lame for sleeping so late. It's ok because I still get stuff done, but it's like, a huge chunk of my life missing. But if, in that huge chunk of missing life, I'm having great LDs, then it's not a waste? I don't know.. I'm having a catch 22 sandwich for lunch.

power went out/ still tries to turn the lights on in the bathroom.
also, i just now realised i don't have to actually type in the name of a site while posting a link to it, because it does it automatically.
freaking attentive i am

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

I'm off 4 days a week now. The bad thing is I stay up late and sleep until noon. The upside is between 7am and noon, I have the best LDs. And a lot of them. But I feel lame for sleeping so late. It's ok because I still get stuff done, but it's like, a huge chunk of my life missing. But if, in that huge chunk of missing life, I'm having great LDs, then it's not a waste? I don't know.. I'm having a catch 22 sandwich for lunch.

Guess you're going to land in a situation you can't win huh. At least, I hope that's what you meant by catch 22

2 IP addresses on 1 interface without dot1q encapsulation? Are you f'ing crazy?
I hate routers...
I hate routers...
I hate routers...

Sometimes, I hate my fucking job...

Uggg, why are people so annoying?
Makes me wanna LD tonight just so I can commit mass murder with no repercussions.
Actually, that's not such a bad idea...