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    Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

    1. #19576
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      Last edited by HyperNova; 04-23-2019 at 05:10 PM.

    2. #19577
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      I have just learnt today that my Grandfather's cancer has taken a turn for the worst, which means I will have to make a drive out to Saskatchewan much sooner than I had originally anticipated. I am really hoping my boss lets me take the time off on shorter notice, since I originally told him that it would probably be in July. Honestly though, I'll probably just put in my notice if he says no, I am quite experienced in food delivery now and I hear that SkipTheDishes drivers do quite well if you grind hard enough.
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    3. #19578
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      I was not mistaken for a celebrity, but I did manage to use dream control to make a crowd react as if I was famous. They all turned to me (floating above the crowd) and jumped up and down and cheered me.
      Peace Be With You. Oh, and sure, The Force too, why not.



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    4. #19579
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      This is an interesting topic because you can't actually know how a celeb is like IRL unless you know them personally so the way their DC acts must be based on something else. I have celeb dreams every now and then, but not too often.

      1. Yes, I see them as clearly as any DC. So depends on the dream.

      2. Sometimes they're pure evil, sometimes they're kind and just decent people, sometimes they just...exist. So hard to say. I don't know if they're like they are IRL because I don't know them personally. Maybe. Maybe not.

      3. Like I feel about them IRL. Sometimes I learn something new about them in the dream so my feelings change, to better or worse.

      4. Depends on the dream.

      5. Before it was because I was a fan of them, now it's because I used to be their fan but aren't anymore and I'm processing that change? I don't know.

    5. #19580
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      Thanks, Yuppie. I'm still kicking
      I hope you've been well

      Wow, Lang! I hope you've survived all the chaos and aggravation! So sorry about your nieces friends, but I'm glad the one is doing so well. I hope your niece had a good day.

      Mooseantlers Sorry about your grandfather. Have you made the trip? Did your boss let you take it off?

      My rant is that I am thoroughly exhausted. Last week, I averaged at just under 4 hours of sleep a day. I keep falling asleep at my desk, then waking myself up because I'm acting out part of a dream (smiling/laughing/reaching for stuff). I've not been THIS tired in a long, long time.
      I also have a slight sore throat.

      A rave is that my youngest came over for a weekend visit. She just went back this afternoon.
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    6. #19581
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      I have had a bit of a serious health emergency scare a couple of days ago. I mean I was well enough to go to the gig that I wanted to go to last night but, I was still in enough pain and sick that I didn't really enjoy it fully. Hopefully, I will be able to be well enough to get going on these Tasks Of The Months.

    7. #19582
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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post

      Mooseantlers Sorry about your grandfather. Have you made the trip? Did your boss let you take it off?
      .
      This has been expected for quite a while, his spirits lifted quite a bit with me being there, my cousin said that it's the happiest he's been in a long time. I also got to see my mother and 10 year old sister, both of whom I hadn't seen for nearly 3 years, so the overall energy of the visit was a good one.

      That being said, today's rant! I started my journey back home today, and I misread my booking information on Expedia, I drove 7 hours through prairie highways into downtown Calgary only to learn the hotel room I'd booked was on the entire other side of the city. I had to drive across Calgary with poor quality navigation in fairly bad traffic, today has been very long. Another 7 hour drive tomorrow to see my best friend and then onto home and back onto the daily grind. Luckily through all the headache today, my little '04 Pontiac Sunfire has handled this whole roadtrip rather splendidly, fingers crossed it makes it home and lives to deliver many more pizzas!
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    8. #19583
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      Rant: My idiot boyfriend forgot his electronic key for his car in the washer machine... I just found it while I was putting the wash into the dryer. :face_palm:

      Just a stupid drawing. :

      Spoiler for big:



      Whatever......
      Last edited by Lang; 05-20-2019 at 10:59 PM.
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    9. #19584
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      In some cases, I think that technology is getting a little ridiculous or unnecessary. Those proximity electronic car keys are on of them. Aside from what your boyfriend did, they are actually quite easy to hack, and cars with this technology are actually easier to steal than vehicles that simply have a passive immobilizer/turnkey combo. Additionally, when the turn key ignition does fail, it's a hell of a lot easier to fix. When it comes to a technology like personal transport, I honestly believe that the simpler it is, the better.
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    10. #19585
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      i had a dream that this thread was still going and so i thought about logging in and checking and yupp!!!
      From my rotting body,
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      and I am in them
      and that is eternity.
      -Edvard Munch



    11. #19586
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      The other day I found out my friend is dying of cancer.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Lang View Post
      The other day I found out my friend is dying of cancer.
      Really sad. Sorry to hear that....

    13. #19588
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      So sorry about your friend, Lang

    14. #19589
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      Truth be told I haven't been feeling too great lately. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now and it's been a turbulent relationship from the beginning. In the beginning she would scream at me a lot and express anger about insignificant things, but lately it's been the exact opposite. We eventually reached a point where we agreed not to yell at each other anymore, and although she has the occasional flash of irritability where she will swear at me, things have been less filled with anger. We were doing okay for the last week or so, but recently she has been consumed with a deep depression. She has bipolar, which means she suffers heavily from mood swings. During her depressive state, she doesn't want anything to do with me. She just wants space. She's been having me sleep in my room alone purely because she 'wants her space'. She doesn't talk to me or really want anything to do with me. This comes immediately after I had been taking care of her and spending lots of time with her. It leaves me feeling bitter because she still expects me to drive her wherever she wants, and she still also has the capability to spend time with her friends, just not me apparently. I understand that she is feeling depressed and she can't control it, but the fact that she's been cutting me out of her life for the sake of 'space' is hurtful and seems senseless to me. It's left me feeling so lonely. We used to spend all our time together and now it's like we're strangers. My girlfriend claims she wants to have a future with me and I've thought that I wanted to have a future with her as well. Having said that, I don't know if a future is possible or a good idea given her emotional instability. She's liable to abruptly cut me out of her life at any moment, and that's really scary. I've been dealing with horrible feelings of loneliness lately. I keep telling myself that I'm still young (21) and there isn't a reason to be so caught up in all of this. There's no need to bank all my happiness on this one girl when I still have a huge life to live. That's easier said than done though. I'm so scared of being alone that I can't make the decision to part ways and search for something more stable. Not only that, but I really really like her. She's smart and funny and caring. At least she can be. When things are bad they're really bad and when things are going good they're going really good. It's confusing and a whirlwind of emotion. What I really crave is someone who I can be safe with and who is predictable and stable. I don't necessarily need an emotional rollercoaster with huge highs and brutal lows, I really just want consistency. I'm at a loss.
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    15. #19590
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      Yuppie That sounds very rough, infuriating, confusing, and lonesome. I hope the two of you can have a really solid talk through things. Make sure she hears you.

      When she's depressed and wants to hang out with her friends instead of you, it might be simply because she needs a distraction without having to worry about you worrying about her.
      She should still make time for you, though.

      If you can't come to some sort of agreement, I hope you can find the strength and willpower to let her go.

      My rant is that I have to drive my hubby to the huge hospital (an hour+ away) in 2 1/2 hours. He thinks he's been having cardiac issues. He's almost 75 years old and he still works. He had to call in the office manager to cancel patients for Monday and Tuesday. He never calls off, yet this will be his second and third time within 2 months (out of 30+ years, NEVER having called off).
      Hopefully, they won't find anything. Or if they do, I hope it's an easy fix.
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    16. #19591
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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      Yuppie That sounds very rough, infuriating, confusing, and lonesome. I hope the two of you can have a really solid talk through things. Make sure she hears you.

      When she's depressed and wants to hang out with her friends instead of you, it might be simply because she needs a distraction without having to worry about you worrying about her.
      She should still make time for you, though.

      If you can't come to some sort of agreement, I hope you can find the strength and willpower to let her go.

      My rant is that I have to drive my hubby to the huge hospital (an hour+ away) in 2 1/2 hours. He thinks he's been having cardiac issues. He's almost 75 years old and he still works. He had to call in the office manager to cancel patients for Monday and Tuesday. He never calls off, yet this will be his second and third time within 2 months (out of 30+ years, NEVER having called off).
      Hopefully, they won't find anything. Or if they do, I hope it's an easy fix.
      Does your husband work out of necessity or because he enjoys it? What does he do for work?

      I've spent a couple days at my parent's house to give my girlfriend some space. I hope when I return back home she's happy to see me and missed me, but I know it won't be the case unfortunately. One of the problems she tends to have is that she polarises me a lot. I seem to either be 'all good' or 'all bad' in her eyes. Her reason for wanting space initially was that she was simply feeling depressed and needed space. Recently, her reason morphed into it being my fault. She cited an argument we had recently, and claimed that she was still trying to recover from it. This was a very inane and uneventful argument. But apparently it's the basis for days spent ignoring me. She has a tendency to find arbitrary reasons to paint me in an overwhelmingly negative light and dissociate the connection we have with each other to coincide with her mood cycles. I've never claimed to be perfect of course, but I really try my best to be a good partner for her. The mistakes I make, are in my opinion, minimal and to be expected. I think fundamentally, the mistakes she makes I am readily prepared to let go once we've discussed them, and I no longer hold them against her. On the other hand, the errors that I make are blown out of proportion, and despite whether I am ostensibly forgiven, they're always ready to be brought back up as justification for her behaviour. I want the baseline of our relationship to be that we love and support each other, and focus in tandem on being happy together. I think that's a simple and desirable state of a relationship. Maybe naive or easier said than done, sure, but regardless, I want us to be able to turn towards each other in times of crisis, not away - at the very least. I know my perspective sounds self-centred, like I'm overlooking the burden of her depression and making it about me instead, but I don't exactly think so. I would be happy to love and support her unconditionally during her hardships, but in order to do so I need for her first to not blame me for her problems, and secondly, for her to want me to help her, rather than just push me out of her life. It's not behaviour that is tenable for me or that I can sustain.
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    17. #19592
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      Well, he kept working because he loved his job.
      But that's not a problem any more, because he died when I took him to the ER.
      He had been looking forward to retiring in 2020. He's an eye surgeon so it just seemed poetic lol (20/20 vision) Or rather, he WAS an eye surgeon.
      It was so crazy. We got there bright and early, so no one else was there. They did the intake and someone walked us back to a room. I asked where the restroom was an he laughed and said he was just about to ask.
      I told him to go first. He came back laughing at the toilet, because it was a bodet (sp) and he had never seen one commercially before.
      I guess he sat on the bed. I don't remember looking back as I headed out to take my turn.

      The restroom wasn't even 15 feet away and I was in there for less than 5 minutes. When I came out, staff were shouting his name and others were rushing into the room. Just like that, he was dead.
      They didn't make me leave the room, as they stripped him completely naked and did CPR, checking monitors, pushing epi, wheeling in an ultrasound.
      I stayed at his feet, rubbing his feet and his legs just in case he was still even a little aware.

      Even when they drilled a port into his leg and made an incision near (or into?) his femoral artery, I stayed right there. The Chaplan tried to get me to step outside but I wouldn't. The staff kept reassuring me that I wasn't in the way. I tried to stay aware of their movements.
      20 minutes passed and he never had a shockable rhythm, so they called it with my permission. I hugged and comforted the staff (who thought they were comforting me). I told them I SAW how hard they tried and thanked them. But everyone was shocked. Even the intake nurse said he appeared just fine. His pulse was a little elevated, but that was about it.

      I don't know if they did an autopsy, so I don't know if we'll even know exactly why he died. They saw free floating blood around his heart on the ultrasound. Was it FROM his heart though, his ulcer, or something he didn't even suspect?

      Now everything is extra turbulent and chaotic. He didn't have a recent will (2011), no one can find his burial plot and no one knows where the deed was. I don't know if I have a place to live next week. I have no money because I had no access to his accounts (my insistence when we got married almost 20 years ago). His daughter and ex-wife have been very kind to me; as have his staff and the community as a whole. His daughter will try her best to do right by me, but his son is his executor. He's a nice guy, but I've never been a real part of his life because he was in college when his dad and I got together.
      I don't expect anything bad, I just don't know WHAT to expect (he's flying in from CA). And my family- insufferable cynics, have been whispering in my ear all the bad things I SHOULD be expecting.

      I'll get what I get and I'll be grateful for it. I just worry about my (adult) kids, who still live with me.

      I didn't sleep until last night and I wont be able to sleep tonight because I have a possible meeting today at 10... which I'm anxious about. And I'm anxious about someone trying to break into hubby's house, so I'll probably spend the night there again (it's right across the yard from my modular home).

      SO, yuppie, fight for yourself and the love and attention you deserve. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

    18. #19593
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      So sorry ⚘ Zhaylin
      My condolences on your loss ⚘
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    19. #19594
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      Thank you EbbTide
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    20. #19595
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      My condolences, Zhaylin.
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    21. #19596
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      Thank you . Everything is still sinking in and the chaos isn’t helping. But I’m finally leveling out more.
      I still don’t have much of an appetite. A neighbor brought over meatloaf and baked beans (with huge strips of bacon on top), and I did manage to devour a bunch of those lol. It was the best thing I’ve eaten in a long time, lol, and I’m not usually a fan of meatloaf.

      My back is killing me today. I need a shower but can’t be bothered. I need to drive to he city to visit with my folks (MUCH better than having them here with no AC!). My youngest is coming tonight.
      Bah! Gotta run. Stuff came sooner rather than later. I have lost all track of time and that was never one of my strongest abilities to begin with!
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    22. #19597
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      I'm very sorry to hear that, Zhaylin. I'm not sure that we have ever communicated on here, but I read your post and wanted to send my condolences. I wish you the very best possible in a trying time.
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      Dreams are real while they last. Can we say more of life? - Havelock Ellis

    23. #19598
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      Thank you, zelcrow

      Life is starting to settle. My folks and youngest went home Sunday. Hubby’s son goes back on Wednesday. Then his daughter will be finishing her move back home for a week or so and I’ll be on my own. A whole lot of people are just a phone call, email, or forum away but I’m looking forward to that week!
      I’ve not really had a chance to throughly process everything just yet because there just been way too much going on.

      I hope everyone has been well.
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 07-01-2019 at 05:57 AM. Reason: Typo
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    24. #19599
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      I'm so sorry Zhaylin. I cried when I read your story. You seem to be holding up surprisingly well, make sure you're not suppressing your emotions and you don't have an abrupt breakdown. Either way, it's all part of the mourning process I suppose. Please keep us posted regularly about how your days go. Lots of love from all of us.
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    25. #19600
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      Thank you, yuppie
      I am anything but okay, though.
      As I was going through hubby's emails to try to find his contacts, I discovered he's been having an emotional affair since 2017. I even emailed her to let her know and we corresponded a little.
      I alternate between wanting to cry, rage, and homicidal rage. I've returned to SI to manage the swings

      His kids have been absolutely amazing (and I asked them NOT to read his emails and Messenger messages. It's the same lady that broke up his first marriage and they don't need the extra emotions.

      BUT- I'm still able to fake it and get through life. In fact, I'm *almost* thriving... so long as I'm around others. I can't tolerate anyone seeing me weak or emotional.

      I've been staying at his house, to make sure no one tries to vandalize or rob the place. So far, even the community have been amazing though. I don't expect anything, but his paranoia has rubbed off on me some over the decades lol.

      Lots and lots of love, everyone. :hugs:
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