Thread: Are you genuine in casual conversation?

I don't like small talk. I don't like the question "sup?" because it's a waste of breath, to me. I prefer "Hi!" because "sup" to me says, "I'm asking you a question, and want you to answer, but I don't care what the answer is." But "Hi!" says to me, "I notice/care that I am seeing you, and are making the effort to communicate."

I've stopped answering "fine" to "How are you?" I also don't let my friends answer with "fine" because it's always a lie (They know me well enough to know that I don't believe anyone is ever actually feeling "fine.")

Also, I humor people with a "You too" after a "have a nice day" because it's polite, even though I dislike saying it. The worst small-talk is the generic, "What school are you going to? How are your classes? What's work like? Are you enjoying college?" It's painful for me to hear >.<

I'll almost always answer those types of questions evasively, even if I am having a good day. Sometimes I do spice it up and answer properly ("I'm doing good"), but I try to do that both when lying and telling the truth so that no particular pattern can be found.

Earlier I mentioned the "readers" who pride themselves on being able to see through people with these questions. I also hate the ones who always expect you to react positively no matter what. These are the people who get offended if you say you're doing "Pretty good" and they'll say "Come one, you can do better than that! I want to hear you say you're doing GREAT!!"

So in other words, they don't ask because they care about you, but because they're testing for how well you cover up and project an assertive attitude, which they seem to think is the most important thing.

Originally Posted by khh

I'm almost always answer those types of questions evasively, even if I am having a good day. Sometimes I do spice it up and answer properly ("I'm doing good"), but I try to do that both when lying and telling the truth so that no particular pattern can be found.

It's important to be unreadable, so they never know when next you'll kill. I find occasionally responding with maniacal laughter keeps things interesting.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

These are the people who get offended if you say you're doing "Pretty good" and they'll say "Come one, you can do better than that! I want to hear you say you're doing GREAT!!"

That's pretty much word for word what my boss has said to me. I suppose it makes sense considering I have to deal with customers. But it can get a bit annoying when I'm genuinely depressed.

Originally Posted by Taosaur

It's important to be unreadable, so they never know when next you'll kill. I find occasionally responding with maniacal laughter keeps things interesting.

Yeah, I think that's how I've gotten out of it lately.

Lol yeah customer service sucks - you're not allowed to be genuine, you just have to smile and pretend to be having great fun all the time.

I just commonly reply with: " oh you know, same shit- different day" if it's someone close to me; I tend to joke like that. But if it's someone I don't know very well, I'll be formal about it with such remarks as "Yes I had a wonderful weekend; a nice relaxing time."

Generally when it's an acquaintance or business personal I do my best to be as professional as possible. Talking about how cruddy my weekend was doesn't sound like something appropriate to say.

I find this hilarious and wanted to post it somewhere. It loosely relates to the thread. Makes fun of people's casual conversation. There are a few episodes.

I'm pretty genuine, but I know that some of the greetings and phrases we use have slipped into the territory of "just being polite," which is fine. When I approach someone and ask them "how's it going" or "how are you" or whatever, it really depends on how I'm using the phrase. If it's someone that I'm just going to be interacting with for a moment - like a clerk or something - I don't expect much more than an "ok, how are you?" It is simply a greeting, in that context. But if I'm approaching someone that I'm going to have an extended conversation with, and I'm actually speaking to them on personal level, I would like a more honest answer, though I'm not expecting an entire summary of their day. If I'm speaking to a close friend, I expect a more candid answer.

None of these are concrete, though. I really don't put too much thought into it. However, I'm a customer service agent, and I speak to dozens of people a day, and it does kind of irk me when someone says "Hey, how are you, I need road service...", before you can even answer with how you're doing. When it's said like that, it is clear that there is absolutely no interest in your response, so it kind of defeats the purpose of even asking someone how your day is going. It's just unnecessary, and is kind of insulting.

But yeah, generally, when I ask someone how they're doing, I do it with a genuine expectation of at least a short answer "I'm fine" or "Meh, I'm hanging in there" or "It's been a pretty bullshit day, but I've had worse..." or something along those lines. Like I said, it's usually more a greeting than anything else, if I'm speaking to anyone other than friends or someone I'm interesting in getting to know, but I generally enjoy a heartfelt response over someone just saying "fine" automatically, or ignoring the question/greeting, altogether.

I'm not good at casual. For me, meeting a stranger, it's rather draining trying to build rapport with topics such as the weather or how they're doing. It's especially hard to talk to my mom. It's always the same thing, after the initial conversation she'll talk about how the weather is where she's living. The only time I care about the weather is when I'm making plans to go outside. Otherwise, I couldn't give two shits. News... man... I don't care. Not that I don't care about you as a person but I have no interest in the trivial shit you've been up, give me something worth listening too.

I am so bad at casual conversation, it's pathetic. After I introduce myself to a stranger, I'm a quiet motherfucker cause the only questions that come into my head are deep questions that require thoughtful responses. Those are the only kind of conversations that energize me. People who are good at small talk tend to overwhelm me. I answer questions almost dismissively, not trying to be rude but not really knowing how to start a conversation about what I do for a living and shit like that. For me, there's not much middle ground, we can either have an interesting conversation or not talk to each other. I've tried to learn to enjoy small talk but eventually I just decided to embrace the crazy asshole I am and I come off bizarre but at least I have some confidence.

I can relate to that. I just seem to only think about specific things that occupy most people's mind very little, and want to only talk about goal oriented things. I don't really have the diversity of content floating around to make conversation with anyone, more so a specific set of ideas for when I meet people who would find them relevant.

Originally Posted by Taosaur

It's important to be unreadable, so they never know when next you'll kill. I find occasionally responding with maniacal laughter keeps things interesting.

Bahahahahaa