Thread: Post a funny joke!

A man knocks on a farmer's door at night, and says, "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but my car broke down. Can I stay the night?" The farmer says, "Sure, but you'll have to share a bed with my son." The man says, "Never mind, I must be in the wrong joke."

lol 27


Q. How is a penis like a rubix cube?


A. The more you play with it the harder it gets

TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?


HAROLD : A teacher.

WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS...

OMG OFFENDEDno caps

Angel ftw!

Ha. that made me lulz.

Originally Posted by The_one_920

hokay...

so i was driving home the other day when i say a policeperson on a bike behind me, signalling me to pul over, so i did.
off the bike hops this baheemoth policeman, who proceeds to my vehicle window and asks me to wind it down. so I do.
"Is this vehicle licensed" he ask's
"yeah mate," i reply "wadda ya want, i got scotch, whiskey, beer... the lot."
he did not think very funny of my mischievious wise-crack so, he replies
"oh! A smart ass eh'? Well ill have you kow anything you say can and will be help against you!"
so i replied...


"Tits!"

I read that on bash.org a few days ago...

lol Angel

I printed it out for my boss

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

lol Angel

I printed it out for my boss

Hey Ophelia, here's one more for your Boss


AN EXAMPLE LETTER FOR A RAISE



How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!


Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of your worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .


I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.


$incerely Your$,
Marian $hih
----------------------------------------------------



The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :


Dear Marian


I kNOw what you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .


NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .


I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,
Manager

rofl

Mrs. Henry was trying to improve her Grade 1 classes vocabulary. She tells each student to come up with a big word. Sally uses the word "Miscellaneous". Trevor uses the word "Accessories". Tracey uses the word "Gargantuan". Finally, little Billy uses the word "Masturbate". Mrs. Henry is shocked and says "Wow, Billy, that is a mouthful!" Billy smiles and says "No Miss, you're thinking of a blowjob!".

So pi and i are in a fight. i says to pi, "Get rational!"

Pi retorts, "Get real!"

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

Originally Posted by Blargh

I read that on bash.org a few days ago...

i got it off a caberet resturaunt over here... lol

btw did i ever tell ou that you remind me of my grandfather...

yeah he's dead, but, he died peacefully, in his sleep.
unlike the other six passengers in his car!!


EDIT: didnt realise i wrost help, i was meant to be held, thanks Elis

Some dude starts his own religion and starts recruiting new Devotees. After a thousand or so members have joined, he is screening out the last 3 couples who want to join his church.

He says to each of them, "each of you are are great potential members of this church, BUT There is one final test. And it is this (in his superior godlike recruiter tone)
Though shall not have sex for one month!"

A month later, the Old couple return and the recruiter asks "so how'd you do?" and they said

"Well were really old and stuff, we haven't had sex in years so it was rpetty easy." And of course they pass.

The second couple come in and they are middle aged. They tell the recruiter "Well we've always had a wonderful sex life, so it was really hard. but we managed through it somehow." and of course they pass.

The final newly-wed couple come in and the recruiter asks. "how'd you do?" and the husband says.

"well we're just married and not having sex on the honeymoon was just impossible. we made it two weeks, but alas, one day my wife dropped an orange and bent over to pick it up, and well.... the rest is history"

the recruiter says " I'm sorry you are not allowed to join this church, leave this place immediately"

The man says "That's ok, This isn't the first time this month i was kicked out of someplace, I was also banned from the grocery store!"

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?’

“Twenty-six!” he said.