Thread: Catsup

A Tale of a Driver

There once was a driver named Jake
who made the most stupid mistake
he drove through a wall
and into a hall
when he mixed up the gas and the brake.

LMAO very nice UM, very unexpected lol

Originally Posted by MementoMori

LMAO very nice UM, very unexpected lol

Thanks. Where is it?

hey look there it is, lol i merged the two and for some reason it said deleted...

Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule
As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle
"I don't believe in astrology
It's my ideology
But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical."


On the moors Kelly walked in a daze
There she'd bark at the moon and the haze
Still her friends weren't concerned
For by now they had learned
Once a month she would go through this phase.

(author's note to the ladies: "She was a
werewolf. Now is it funny?")

Nice poems, Mario!

You are talented. Very random subjects. And rhyming is hard!

lol i like the werewolf one Mario

Heheh. All I did was google "dirty limericks"

A new farmer's helper named Kull
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!"
Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."

Originally Posted by Mario92

Heheh. All I did was google "dirty limericks"

CHEATER!

Two Atheists

Two blind men argued well into the night
about the great question, “Is there really sight?”
Said one to the other (and quite fervently)
“There cannot be colors or else we could see!
So take red and green and blue off the list.
If I cannot see them, they must not exist.
A crazy man told me the sky is bright blue.
I listened intently but I caught no clue
of anything out there to alter my mind.
I’m not deaf you know, I hear perfectly fine.
Be quiet and listen, and then you will know
that colors aren’t real. How dare they say so?
They tell me that grass is some sort of green.
It looks like the rest of the world that l’ve seen!
It tastes a lot different than jelly or cheese
(if I smell it too long it sure makes me sneeze).
It feels a lot different that ice cream or snow
but to say that it’s green? I’d have to say no.
I will not believe it until I have seen.
There isn’t a difference ‘twixt red, blue or green!!
And so the men argued with all of their might,
and I couldn’t show them that they were not right.
They cannot see colors because they’re blind!
But I couldn’t get the truth in their mind.
Until they are given the great gift of sight;
never, not ever, will they see the light.

...of course, there is large empirical evidence for eyesight, and we know that colors as we see them are simply varying wavelengths of light. This is largely confirmed, and agreed upon in unison by every credible scientist in the world, and can be replicated and observed under laboratory conditions.

...well, you know, just sayin'

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Originally Posted by Mario92

of course, there is large empirical evidence for eyesight, and we know that colors as we see them are simply varying wavelengths of light. This is largely confirmed, and agreed upon in unison by every credible scientist in the world, and can be replicated and observed under laboratory conditions.

Yeah?

Tell that to a blind man.

See what he thinks of all the wavelengths and whatever.

SORRY- shouldn't. be debating in off topic.

I'll shut up now.

We can explain blindness via a defect somewhere in the eye, and considering all the things that can go wrong, it is not unusual for an individual to be unable to detect the wavelengths of light in question. It would be far more rational to attribute blindness to a defect in the physical structure of the eye than to say that the other 99% of the world is dead-wrong, and reality as we know it is bunk. The fact that we can test, re-test, and test again the idea that light is electromagnetic waves of varying length, and have the results come out the same each and every time, confirms that light is, indeed, electromagnetic waves of varying length. You show me that there is scientific evidence for God under reasonable experimental conditions, and I will concede here and now.

But, getting back on topic...

And God Created Woman....

In the garden of Eden walked Adam,
alone and a trifle forlorn.
For he hadn't a miss or a madam,
and he whimpered every morn.

"What's the matter with you?" said Jehovah
"I've given you Eden you know,
and now that you've looked the place over,
I thought you'd be rarin' to go."

"That's all very well, " muttered Adam.
"but there isn't a soul except me,
and talking out loud is a tad 'um -
eccentric, don't you see?"

So the Lord God thought for a second.
Then he said, "Okay, just for you,
I'll make up a mate, for I reckon
that will give you something to do."

Now Adam was really excited,
and asked what this mate would do,
and as God explained, he was delighted,
at the promise of somebody new.

For his new mate was planned to get dinner,
and to cook and to sew up his clothes,|
She would make sure he didn't get thinner
and wash up as well I suppose.

She would bear him some fine sons and daughters,
and never wake him in the night
would take care of the beasts for the slaughter,
and never talk back in a fight.

She would love him with passion unceasing,
and never complain of an ache,
she would iron his shirts, never creasing
the cuffs, as she baked him a cake.

She would be such a model of virtue
that Adam could never complain,
and God said, "She never will hurt you,
or cause you one second of pain."

"Oh God," said our Adam, ecstatic
"what shall I call this wondrous mate,
and what will she cost, I'm emphatic
I must have the best going rate."

"This woman," said God, "that I bring you
is Eve, the mother of all,
The woman that your kids will cling to,
and the one that will come to your call.

"As for what she will cost, she's a jewel,
and a bargain at this special price,
for to you I couldn't be cruel,
and I know you will heed my advice.

"To you, as my special creation,
I offer you this generous rate -
just an arm and a leg your donation.
You couldn't do better, hey mate?"

Quite taken aback, Adam pondered,
then said with a bit of a grin.
"Well what would I get, I just wondered,
if a rib instead I threw in."

The rest of the tale is just history,
for they closed that deal right away,
so it's why we girls are a mystery
to every bloke even today.

Don't blame it on us, Mister Adam,
when you were the cheapskate in Eden.
For every missus and madam
is still trying today to get even.

My balls are itchy
my eyes are red
i could complain
but instead
just blaze on the stick
don't stop till your done
and tonghts the night
you'll have lots of fun

but remember my friend,
that these words i have said
are safe to an extent
SMOKE POT AND YOU WON'T WAKE UP DEAD.

hah,
yo quiro motherfucking comer.
yo soy hambre
or sme shit like that
i'm so fucking hungry
but i'm far from fat

Originally Posted by Mario92

You show me that there is scientific evidence for God under reasonable experimental conditions, and I will concede here and now.

But that's the point of the poem. the evidence means nothing to those who are blind, and can't understand it anyhow.

Which leads me to section two of the two atheists.

Spoiler for Not senseless poem:

Two atheists argued (on university sod)
about the great question “Is there a God?”
Said one to the other (and quite fervently)
“There can’t be a God or else we could see.
So take that old Bible and God off the list.
If I cannot see Him, He must not exist.
Be quite and listen, and then you will know
that God is not real, how dare they say so??
A crazy man told me God lives up in Heaven.
I used to believe that when I was just seven.
But now that I’m older and wiser you see,
I will not believe it. You can’t prove it to me.
I cannot sense God with sight taste or smell.
I do not believe in Heaven or Hell!
I’ve never heard God or felt Him at all.
If He’s really up there, I wish He would call.”
I said, “Listen fellows, you’re spiritually blind.
You’ve only five entrances into your mind.
That limits your input. I wish you could see.
You can’t fathom God or eternity.
There are lots of things that really are real.
It doesn’t disprove God because you can’t ‘feel’.”
So you two can argue the rest of the night.
There’s no way to show you that you are not right.
When you get to Heaven (or Hell if you please)
you’ll understand God as you fall on your knees!
I wish you could see Him or hear Him somehow.
But that isn’t possible where you are now.
To deny His existence is really absurd.
You’ll have to believe Him and trust in His Word.

BTW, that was an inaccurate, but HIGHLY interesting poem. Where did you find it?

And, for the sake of using this thread properly, here is a truly senseless poem.

wonderful sheep quickly runs beautiful moments
blue princess silently skips ugly love
spiky principal comfortably sings strange sweetness
long peacock rudely talks enormous understanding
wavy screw sweetly lectures clever confidence
short catapult cunningly jumps mean salary


-Author unknown

...which brings us to flawed reasoning and logic. Just because you can't prove something is wrong is no reason to believe it to be true. As humans, all we can do is make observations about the world in an effort to try and draw rational conclusions. Science is a collaborative effort; members of the community work together and against one another, scrutinize each others' works, repeatedly test variables time and again, and make logical conclusions based on what is observed. There is great evidence for light being electromagnetic waves of varying wavelength and frequency, but absolutely none for the existence of God. What is really irrational is to assume that there is a great fairy in the sky that not only takes interest in the tiny jellybags of Earth, but also rewards and punishes said jellybags based on their moral decisions. Are there myseries out there? Absolutely. Are there senses we cannot even fathom? Sure. But, is that any reason to believe in God? Nope. I cannot disprove the flying spaghetti monser or the diving Brownie Muffin, but that is no reason to believe they actually exist.

There once was a man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he'd bang 'em together
They'd play stormy weather
And lightning would shoot out of his ass

To his friend, Ned said, rather blue,
"My wife Edith just told me we're through,
For she says I'm too fat."
And his friend told him that,
"You can't have your cake and Edith, too."

Jesus put on a dress
And decided to confess
He wants to give birth
And street walk in Perth
While he lives with his boyfriend Jess

i'm giving this thread a bump,
so it don't end up in the dump
and you will post more
and be a post whore
and get stds and lumps.

-Bullets-

In the original form and style as taken from the first original manuscripts

Verse 1:

Bang.

Verse 2:

Bang.

Verse 3:

Bang.

Verse 4:

Guns are noisy.

Verse 5:

So get some earmuffs.

Verse 6:

My dog eats lemons.

-By Richard L. Rutherford, the III

Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia

I agree. The internet is to run out of space in approximately two years. you sir, Noogah, just gave us a little bit less time. It may seem small, and insignificant, but it all adds up soon. First one kilobyte, next a gigabyte, but soon.... Soon it's a [insert large amount of memory measurement here] and you've destroyed the internet.

Lmao, you just made my day.
You sir, have been watching too much south park.

There once was a girl named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She left one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night