Vesterguard

Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

12-10-11 No real intentions, had quite an interesting day, but I was up early due to yesterday's perceptual dream so was fairly shattered.

“I know my hands can soothe your pain”

I am massaging Tenna, sat behind her, she is wearing black underwear and some trousers of beige and brown colour. We are placed on a wooden floor with pillows spread around the room, it is fairly bright in the room. I am focusing on areas that have been missed by the people doing her massage earlier. Which turns out to be somewhat painful for her.

In particular the right side of her neck is causing trouble and when I start working on this area she jolts and might even have reached out to grab me. but I continue slightly lending a hand in her back to support her. I somehow feel that I have to do it for her to get better. Though she is in pain she also likes having my hands on her body.

It turns into a sensual experience where I gently lie her down, though it is fairly annoying it is a hard wooden floor. I am trying to remove her trousers and she is helping a bit with this, but then we stop. She explains that she will go out and prep the room and make it a little more comfortable.

I wake up rather excited almost to the point where it becomes painful.
…............

“My snake and I”

I have bought a snake, a tree snake. I think to myself that it is a rather odd purchase considering I have a thing for venomous snakes. I am aware that it will have to actually chew on me in order to inject it's venom, but still it is loose in the apartment, having released it at some point.

It is a baby snake, very small and completely silver (unnaturally so) in colour. My flat is strange it is two fairly narrow rooms across each other on a hall way that is far longer than it needs to be. It seems dark in either of the rooms.

Looks a bit like this guy



Though emphasis on silver!

I regret having released the snake as it is making me on edge, so I spent a fair amount of time walking from one room to the other trying to figure out a safe method of catching this snake. I distinctly remember holding a large glass in one hand intending on luring it in there, though I am nervous about having my hand so close to the animal.

At one point the snake darts from one room to the other right next to me as I am standing in the hall way. I am not sure if it is because I have thrown some food in there or what it was. I remember it glinting with it's silvery colour.

Some way or another I end up catching this snake and I am carrying it on my body, not even sure if it is in a container or even if it is inside me.
….............

“Meeting in Cells”

I am sat in a room discussing the deployment of the cell group chat room. Mikkel J is there and he tells me that he want to help out, but seeing as he is not part of the group there is limited he can do so he is sort of left out, which he understands. There is someone else there that might be Floatinghead.
…............

“The guard got gunned down”

Two people are going to get kidnapped or have already been kidnapped and they are stuck in a cellar behind bars. There is an Italian guy, dressed in white, who is supposed to watch over them. They keep telling him that he and all of them are in danger, in fact they specifically warn him that he is going to die.

He does in fact die a couple of times throughout the dream and these scenarios sort of act as the visions the two girls are using to warn him with. The two people are a woman and a younger woman or girl.

The last time he gets killed you see 4 people in the room waiting behind the door and for the guy to walk downstairs to the cell. The cell in the cellar has a sort of a dungeon feel to it with rocky walls and there may even be a small stream running through the room. As the guard is walking down the stairs the four men attack and shoot him down with shotguns which results in blood spatter all over the place.
…............

“Handy legs”

Fragment of sitting in a sofa using my arms as an illusion for my legs towards someone, though I understand little of why.
….............

“Bridge to the new hood”

We are starting to use a new section of the city and it is connected by a rather large white marble bridge. At first though the bridge is very half circular, so much that it is too steep to get over it. However over the duration of the dream the bridge level off so it is possible to actually use it.

I get the feeling that the city is important, in particular the new section of it will come in handy.

The dream is longer but this is the only fragment that stands out to me.