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    1. View Conversation
      Det skal du slet ikke undskylde.

      Det lyder spændende. Det er også noget af det jeg vil prøve, når jeg bliver lidt bedre . Held og lykke med det. Jeg håber du skriver det i din DJ, så jeg kan følge lidt med!

      Tusind tak for rådet. Det vil jeg helt klart prøve. ^^
    2. View Conversation
      Jeg kan godt lide din DJ, der er så meget spændende at læse.
    3. View Conversation
      Ah, lyder spændende! Der er også rigtig meget psykologisk i drømme.

      Jeg håber også at jeg engang får et valgfrit projekt, eller en valgfri fremlæggelse, så jeg kan skrive om drømme.
      Jeg tror nemlig desværre at det et et glemt emne i de fleste menneskers hverdag, og bare nået der skal "overståes".
    4. View Conversation
      Wow, det er mange på et år. Godt gået!

      Jo, ser du, jeg kan ikke rigtig studere endnu, da jeg ikke er gammel nok, men jeg vil rigtig gerne være enten psykolog eller veterinærsygeplejerske (hos dyrelægen).
      Hvad studerer du?
    5. View Conversation
      Hvor længe har du lucid dreamed? :3
    6. View Conversation
      Haha I'm glad to do it, but sometimes I am too busy to sit down for a couple hours and go through everything. Wow this new upgrade to dv is craxzy.
    7. View Conversation
      Hey thanks for the 32nd results! I moved your thread to the results thread.
    8. View Conversation
      Thanks a lot! I really appreciate it man.
    9. View Conversation
      I am really behind, if it isn't too much to ask, I would love your help. I'm currently busy studying for a lot ofmajor tests so I don't have time :\
    10. View Conversation
      oh hush. You know I walk on water. Stop being silly.
    Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 10 of 20
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    About Vesterguard

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    Date of Birth
    February 3, 1984 (35)
    About Vesterguard
    LD Count:
    150(ish)
    Biography:
    born 1984

    Living in Aarhus, Denmark

    Psychologist, specialised in Ayahuasca Assisted therapy
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    So fly with me, Theres a whole sky to see, I am taking your mind with me, into Lucidity, flying in unity could be normality, what you perceive to be is your reality – Dub FX

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    Recent Entries

    2018-12-11 Biblical surgery and alien eviction - communication with stomach

    by Vesterguard on 12-11-2018 at 10:45 PM
    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions

    2018-12-11 Biblical surgery and alien eviction leads through death to a search for stronger communication with my stomach, realised through talking to a white horse/camel.

    This entry will be written in Danish as I intend to use it in therapy.

    Drømmen starter med at jeg ser et opslag på Facebook. Dette er et som Casper Møller har delt og er et billede og en tekst af 1:1 revelations (kan ikke huske navnet) med en mand der ligger på en mellemting mellem en sarkofag og et operationsbord. Det har en meget stærkt tema om Lucifer, hans fald og periodiske genopstandelse før Jesus vender tilbage. Billedet er også en video og jeg klikker på den og en stemme går i gang med at læse teksten op.

    Mens teksten læses op suges jeg ind I scenariet. Jeg bliver til en dæmonisk skikkelse, der ligner en klassisk grå alien fra diverse film. Det er mig der opererer på manden der ligger på bordet. Der er en forholdsvis ondskabsfuld stemning, som dog skifter I løbet af forløbet. På en eller anden måde stopper den her alien/jeg op og får ændret situationen og gennemfører ikke operationen. Faktisk kommer en anden alien ind I billedet og ser ud til at glæde sig til at deltage, men den første begynder at slå sig selv I stykker og på grund af et eller andet han har lavet på operationsbordet betyder det at den nye tilkommer også begynder at gå I stykker.

    Dette får dem begge til at flygte. De flygter ud af lange og smukke gange, der er rødlige og har et royalt udseende, og mens de flygter ses der billeder af maget muskuløse mænd og kentauere der bliver vækket – på en eller anden måde med fornyet gejst på grund af rumvæsnernes flugt – og jager rumvæsnerne ud.

    Scenariet skifter hurtigt til at se paladset udenfor. Det virker til at finde sted på en anden planet, men det er lyst og det ser meget æstetisk og majestætisk ud. Ud fra det sted hvor den lange gang ville være kommer nu et gylden sfærisk fartøj, som er rumvæsnernes. Det beskyder byen under det med nogle gyldne laser stråler, men besvares så rigeligt af byens blå laser stråler og forsvinder til sidst.

    Der skippes.

    Jeg ligger udenfor ved en svømmepøl, jeg ved blot at jeg ligger og der er en fornemmelse af at ting “stopper”. Dette finder sted et par gange. Vejret er grålig og det virker til at det trækker op til regn, selvom det har en sydlandsk feriestemning over sig. Der sidder fire mennesker foran mig, hvor en af dem er min mor. Muligvis min kusine, min far og en fjerde ubekendt. Min mor fortæller.

    “Nåh, han er i gang med hans døds-process” og insinuerer at det bare skal have lov til at fortsætte.

    Jeg er meget forvirret hver gang jeg vågner og det er svært helt at beskrive hvad der sker. Min bevidsthed fortætter ligesom og jeg føler mig stadig som mig selv, men det er som om der er noget der stopper og som om at det hele stivner til og jeg falder ind I mig selv.

    Da det er ved at være overstået vender min mor sig imod mig og krammer mig, på en kvælende og klam måde, som gør at jeg bliver nødt til at skubbe hende væk. Hun spørger mig: “Du gennemgik din døds-process, det var meget spændende, hvor mange gange døde du?” hvortil jeg svarer “Det ved jeg ikke helt, måske 3-5”.

    Da jeg svarer dette er vi nu indenfor I et hotel, med et meget ru gulv med små sten der har en gummiagtig karakter at gå på. Det hele er meget blåligt og jeg siger. “Jeg ved ikke helt hvor jeg er, det er enormt forvirrende det hele, det eneste jeg kan se er at jeg er I et blåt hotel, jeg aner ikke hvorfor eller hvor lang tid vi har været her.” Jeg kan ikke huske om min mor rent faktisk spørger mig om jeg kan huske mit værelsesnummer, men jeg siger I hvert fald “jeg bor på værelse 422”, hvortil min søster og mor griner en smule og en af dem siger: “Nej du bor på værelse 527”.

    Jeg føler mig ikke stødt over deres latter, men finder en trappe jeg kan gå op af der kan tage mig til mit værelse. Den første trappe går ikke højt nok op, mens den anden faktisk går højt nok op og også indikerer at mit værelse ligger lige rundt om hjørnet. Problemet er blot at der er en glasplade der fungerer som et bord lige overfor trappen I hjørnet der blokkerer, eller I det mindste gør det enormt besværligt og måske endda lidt farligt, min vej. Endvidere når jeg kigger hen til venstre I retningen af mit værelse kan jeg se at vejen er spæret af en glasdør og bagved dem står der nogle lamper der indikerer at den vej er brugt som et hyggehjørne og vil gøre det hele endnu mere besværligt. Så jeg vælger i stedet at gå ned igen.

    Jeg går udenfor og har min madras med som jeg normalt sover på. Den skal børstes af og det går op for mig at der er nogle eller en person(er) der ofte går over den og efterlader en masse sand på den, så den skal rystes. Jeg kan også mærke en smule irritation omkring det, men ved ikke helt hvem det er.

    Herefter skifter scenen til at jeg nu ligger på min madras på mit værelse I hovedgård, som det ser ud. Kaiseren – eller I hvert fald en mørk skikkelse med hans energi – kommer ind og giver mig en dåse danskvand. Jeg åbner den og begynder ivrigt at drikke da jeg er super tørstig. Kaiseren siger “Pas på med at drikke for meget, det kan være giftigt”. Jeg drikker – lidt trodsigt – halvdelen af dåsen hurtigt, og sætter den fra mig og siger “Det gør ikke noget det gør ikke noget for mig det her” og kan mærke at jeg stadig er ekstremt tørstig og tør om munden.

    Jeg hopper ud af sengen og går ud af en dør og befinder mig nu I en baggård. Der er en have-lignende stemning, det er lidt mørkt og der står en palme I midten af græsset. En ældre kvinde med kort krøllet gråt hår og store runde briller – mens jeg skriver dette kommer en tredje association ind – som minder om min Moster og Kirsten, min terapeut, men også en klient jeg har – Lotte.

    Hun siger “Dennis du bliver nødt til at forbinde dig med din mave, den kan nok være lidt svær at komme I kontakt med fordi du putter så meget lort I den.” Jeg svarer: “Jamen det lyder mega fedt, jeg vil vildt gerne I mere kontakt med min mave” og tænker straks på de nylige spændinger, smerter og ukendte emotionelle påvirkninger jeg har oplevet.

    Jeg begynder at blive lucid her da jeg begynder at kalde “Mave! Mave!” hvor den kvindelige figur stopper op og siger: “Du skal følge vinden, hvis du vil finde hvad du søger”. Hun får implicit fortalt at jeg blot skal finde den retning hvor der er direkte modvind hvis jeg vil etablere kontakt til min mave igen.

    Jeg er vildt begejstret for dette trick og kan mærke at jeg kan bruge det I fremtidige drømme også. Jeg drejer mig rundt – imod uret – og finder ud af at der hvor vinden blæser mig lige I fjæset er der en lille sti imellem to bygninger der leder ud til vejen. Jeg begynder at gå derhen og ser en strandpromenade, som minder om den jeg har været på så mange gange I Thailand, og mens jeg går råber jeg “Mave!” gentagen.

    Jeg ser en Raptor gå forbi udenfor og bliver en smule skeptisk. Jeg snupper en kort pause og fortsætter så. Nu kommer jeg ud og kan se ned på vejen – jer er pludselig I et hotelværelse – og der går en masse spændende mennesker, dyr og andre objekter jeg kunne interagere med dernede.

    Jeg råber igen “Mave!” og ser til venstre, hvor der går en T-Rex, som jeg jo har historie med, og træder et skridt tilbage. Jeg står nu I et relativt lille og mørkt hotelværelse, foran vinduet der er firkantet og med klart sol lys skinnende igennem. Jeg beslutter mig for at hvis det er T-Rexen jeg skal snakke med for at komme I kontakt med min mave, så må det være sådan det er u-anset hvor bange jeg måtte være for det.

    Så jeg træder ud på taget og ser pludselig at der er længere ned end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg bliver lidt bange for bare at hoppe ud I det, så sætter mig ned I lotus stilling indtil jeg begynder at svæve ned. Jeg kan mærke på vej derned at der er lidt meget fart på, det er nok til at hjertet lige slår et ekstra slag uden jeg er bange for at slå mig. Dog fornemmer jeg at jeg har mistet overblikket så meget at den vej jeg gerne ville ned på med de mange dyr og mennesker ikke vil være der, fordi jeg har mistet mit fokus. Jeg tænker dog også at det ikke vil gøre noget.

    Da jeg endelig lander ser jeg at den vej jeg var på er væk. Den jeg står på er mindre befærdet og det er pludselig blevet nat, men det er faktisk stadig den samme strandpromenade. Jeg tænker at de nok skal gå og råber igen “Mave!” og spinner mellem 270 og 360 grader rundt om mig selv imod urets retning.

    Her ser jeg en stor hvid hingst komme løbende og mens jeg råber “Mave!” begynder den at ride hen imod mig. Jeg spørger den om den er min mave og I det jeg gør det bliver den til en hvid kamel, med tre pukler, hvor den forreste af de 3 er delt I 2, selvom det ser sundt og raskt ud, som om den egentlig blot bærer en genetisk mutation der giver den denne tredje to-delte pukkel.

    Den svarer at den er min mave og jeg knæler for den, hvilket den svarer med at lægge dens venstre hov på mit tredje øje. Derefter skifter den til at blive en venlig og varm 44-årig mand, med kort gråt hår. Jeg spørger “Hvad skal jeg gøre for at komme I bedre kontakt med dig” og han svarer “Din mormor kom til at trykke en lille knogle I stykker hernede (inde I højre hofteskål, hvor psoas løber) da du var 3 år gammel, det var ikke med vilje, men det kan man også se på billeder.” Der er en implicit besked der handler om at denne skade/traume ikke har været kendt og at noget kropsterapi kan have forværret det, men også at der ligger noget derfra der stadig rumsterer. Jeg svarer “Ah, jamen jeg har jo også fået scannet indersiden af mine hofter, så der vil man kunne se det?” han svarer “Jaaa, jooo.” med en tudelig intonering om at det ikke er helt rigtigt, men at det heller ikke er helt ved siden af.


    Drømmen Ender og jeg vågner med en meget rolig, afslappet og rar fornemmelse I kroppen. Det var tidligt, men jeg stod op og fik mediteret med min mave som fokus, fik lavet yoga, danset og TRE og fik mig noget morgenmad og følte mig godt tilpas.

    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions
    Categories
    lucid , non-lucid , side notes

    2018-12-08 Holotropic Breathwork - Lucifer, Heaven, Golden Child

    by Vesterguard on 12-11-2018 at 10:42 PM
    2018-12-08 The following is a description of a very powerful visionary experience during holotropic breath-work.

    One sentence title: Travelling as pure child of light from the centre of creation, the beginning of time, over North American bull riding shaman to see what we are saving, culminating in seeing myself as Lucifer, then taking his place so he can go to heaven, falling to earth discarding demonic baggage.

    The entry will be written in Danish as I intend to explore it further in therapy.

    Jeg starter med at lægge mig godt til rette, jeg ser frem til den her session og er ikke bange, men mærker at jeg næsten bliver høj, måske på grund af den lidt intense dans jeg har givet mig I kast med forinden.

    Det første der sker er visuelt. Jeg ser en række tørrede sår hen over min skallede isse, som jeg piller I en smule og som opstår simultant med en række bekymringer omkring Mai, hvilket efterfølges af en række tanker omkring den energi jeg bruger på at bekymre mig hende og hendes foretagener (jeg kan ikke huske om jeg her tænker på at flytte eller om jeg beslutter dette I løbet af den næste dags ceremoni hvor jeg ligger alene I køkkenet).

    Det næste element er at jeg oplever – uden at det bliver visuelt – at jeg ligesom bliver løftet op og at himlens porte bliver åbnet for mig, uden at der dog kommer noget ud eller jeg kommer ind el.

    Det næste er en længerevarende oplevelse af at se og mærke mig selv som et sammenfoldet barn lavet af lys, som rejser igennem et stjerneløst mørke, hvor lys og mørke er ligeligt fordelt og overlappende, som I både altopslugende og totalt gennemtrængende oven I, men også ved siden af hinanden.
    Denne rejse ændrer karakter en smule til at den starter fra galaksens centrum, som også er punktet for begyndelsen af tid og jeg ridder på den forreste bølge af stjerner mod Jorden. Her kommer jeg forbi et vista af en slette I nordamaerika og jeg får fornemmelsen af en bison okse, der muligvis riddes af en shaman. Der er en klar besked om at det er det her livet handler om og at det er det vi forsøger at redde. Samtidig oplever jeg en enorm fornemmelse af at jeg er kommet hertil langvejsfra for at rydde op I min families historik.

    Her begynder jeg at ryste ret så kraftigt, samtidig med at jeg skriger og græder et klage-skrig jeg ikke har hørt før. Jeg ser et billede af planeten samtidig og oplever at vi deler smerten og at oprydningen handler om det.

    Jeg bruger en del tid på at græde snot og skrige på den måde. I løbet af denne meget emotionelle og kropslige process mærker jeg virkelig også min krop ryste og blive varm.

    Da jeg på et tidspunkt sætter mig op, eller rettere forceret ved at en guide blidt har lagt en hånd på mit bryst der har skabt en voldsom reaktion, opdager jeg at lænet fårover har jeg enten fået mine vinger klippet af eller de bliver klippet af mens jeg sidder der. Herefter oplever jeg at jeg kan gro nye vinger, men disse enten af phønix eller fugle karakter og sprede dem ud over rummet.

    Det sidste, men måske mest intense scenarie er at jeg igen ser det gyldne barn siddende foran mig, men denne gang med sorte vinger. Jeg ved at det er mig selv jeg ser på, jeg ved det er djævlen. Jeg trækker mig en smule tilbage, men tænker jeg skal nok se på det så beder en bøn til Michael og Jesus om beskyttelse og lader visionen udfolde sig. Jeg bliver til Lucifer, men samtidig sker der det at jeg igen ser himlens porte åbne sig foran mig og jeg ser hvordan Lucifer bliver lukket ind, mens jeg falder bagover med sorte vinger på ryggen – jeg har taget hans plads. Da jeg rammer jorden er det som om vingerne eller noget dæmonisk fortsætter med at falde. Nu ser jeg mig igen som det gyldne barn og at jeg hvis jeg fokuserer 100% ind I kroppen ikke blot har hele jorden og kosmos som legeplads, men flere forskellige dimmensioner også.

    Her stopper vissionen.
    Categories
    side notes

    2018-12-03 Prospective collapse of water structure releasing the dinosaurs and electrocuting big dad

    by Vesterguard on 12-03-2018 at 02:07 AM
    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions

    2018-03-12 There have been many dreams of late, a certain theme have played over in its variety of incarnations. Approaching the water, confronting/releasing the reptiles. This dream showed up about a week following our last gathering. It felt big, as intense symbolically as when I have been guided previously by African Dream root. I didn’t intend to dive into it, but it seems appropriate at this time.

    Dream 1: (2018-11-23) A series of events transpire in a complicated building complex with a large body of water, containing dinosaurs in them, which revolve around teaching others to express their needs and confronting children in an armoured “Big Daddy” suit.

    I am in a large building complex, it is very bright and modern looking. There is plenty of sunlight pouring through the windows and there is a lot of greenery spread out around in the building. It is as if the building is roughly centred around a large pool in the middle, which is in place both at the ground floor and the basement. At the ground floor this massive square pool is surrounded by spectator seats, as there are multiple shows of “scary” animals taking place. In particular at present there are two megalodons in the waters as well as a larger dinosaur that during the dream ends up killing and consuming the two sharks.

    In the beginning of the dream there is a show happening in the central room where the sharks and dino monsters are held. To begin with there is a jovial touristy atmosphere surrounding the show and all the spectator seats are filled. It very much has a Jurassic World kinda feel, which is significant in its theming.

    I find myself at the basement looking into the waters through a thick sheating of glass. This is where I observe the massive dinosaur consume the two sharks in the tank. It also slams into the glass, though I am unsure if it displays signs of cracking at this or not. In any case this is where I get the feeling that is common to my dreams “I know how this story plays out”. I know that the massive dinosaur is going to crack the tank, thereby releasing 4 dinosaurs where one is a massive snake, the other is a t-rex, the third is the water-dino itself, while the 4th is unknown (immediately here the theme of the 4th unknown deserves attention as it has been a running theme since the night before our first dream sharing gathering, where I encountered an inner child that I didn’t know all that well amongst 3 others that I knew very well).

    As per usual as I am thinking this an alarm goes off and there is a somewhat panicky atmosphere as the building starts being evacuated.

    I head out off to a side building. It is on the right hand side of the body of water. This time I am on the upper floor. I am sat on a pathway made of steel and below there is a botanic room, again beautiful and floral. I am preparing a workshop. This workshop is about me making myself available to my clients for whatever they dare express their desires around. This particularly is meant for me to teach others about expressing their desires in a public forum, but with me as an object (something that was a major theme at a spiritual workshop in 2017, which I spoke to MA about). F is there and she says that she is interested in a massage, but nothing sexual.

    Then I am in Hornslet, where I grew up. M is there with E on the road from the park, leading up to the council building. For some reason this is still connected to the building complex with the sharks and dinos. I am also there talking to M about what happened between them at the spot, so both while it is happening and after. M tells me how they decided to have sex, despite some of the warnings we had discussed about romantic ideations following transpersonal journeys.

    M tells me: “We had a lot of sex and to begin with it was just vaginal penetration. But then I decided to fuck her in the ass, despite the fact that she had told me that she didn’t want to. It was rough on her, but I decided to do it anyway so she would have the experience from a friend. She needed to learn”. Throughout this interaction there is an implicit meaning between us around E’s tendency of leaning too hard on support from the outside, in particular male support, which can lead to her being exploited, which is what M was trying to teach her tough-love style.

    There is a brief flash of running into my Cousin on a similar steel pathway on the uppermost floor.

    The last full scenario again takes place on the right hand side of the large body of water, somehow in the same place as the last scenario with “expressing desire”, yet also below and somewhat unrelated. Again very bright and a light and pleasant atmosphere.

    I am in a “Big Dady” suit from Bio Shock. I have almost won, yet I am caught off-guard by a grenade that slips under a big white statue or cardboard cut-out of a statue. The grenade is thrown by a little girl and the reason it catches me off guard is that I have stepped in a puddle of water and the grenade explodes in a long arc of lightning, nearly killing me. I try to escape by rushing to the stairways, but am electrocuted.

    I sit down and feign death until the little girl and her mother appears. They walk down towards me the mother approaching. She leans really close checking my pulse, talking to me, asking me if I am dead or not. She has almost decided that I am death until one of my eye-lashes brush against her cheek and she proclaims “I felt a streak of lash against my cheek” and she discovers my deception. But she is so close and in such a vulnerable position that I manage to throw her off and have her eliminated upstairs.

    The small girl that was accompanying her mother knows that upon the death of her mother that she can’t hope to win our contest. I am simply armoured too heavily in my “Big Dady” suit. I walk upstairs and am now confronted by 3 children, 2 boys and the girl. They all know they have lost, but decide to choose their weapons – pillows.

    As we engage in a pillow fight and the kids seem drained of hope, I get a bad feeling. I feel bad for them and as such I decide not to fight to kill them.

    Dream Ends.

    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions
    Categories
    non-lucid , memorable

    2018-11-18 - Initial dreams for the guide group exercise

    by Vesterguard on 11-19-2018 at 01:18 PM
    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions

    2018-11-18 The first of the four dreams occurred during the night, in response/preparation to our dream workshop during the evening and the interpretation round this morning. They occurred in the wake of an Ayahuasca ceremony which took place on the Friday, which for me were heavily themed around (A) the practice of acting/doing what I felt like, risking to provoke and loose standing from my friends and (B) learning to see under and past the emotional pain – that is not staring myself blind at the stuff that is troubling me, without ignoring it either, but allowing myself to see the broader picture.

    Dream 1: Sexual fantasy turns to voice from beyond, which culminates in a brutal murder and forgiveness of inner children.

    I am lying in the ceremony room, where a couple of us have gone to bed. Nala and I are starting to make out and she starts inviting to sex. I am thrilled, yet I don’t quite do anything about it. Eventually she calls out to Mads something along the lines “Mads I am trying to have sex with Dennis, but he doesn’t really seem to want to go along.” I quickly respond “Yes, Yes I do” and then we start having sex, she guiding me inside her.
    The dream then changes. Now there is some darkness and a female voice is calling out to me: “This is karmic, I will meet you in the summer.” I think to myself this pertains to a soulmate or girlfriend to come and I pull her out of the shadows, so that now I am staring at a doll face, that doesn’t seem to have any real facial features except the contours of the doll face and some long blonde hair. I ask her if she can provide additional details of herself, at which point I look at the doll face and see that her cheeks round up a bit. Other than that nothing else happens.
    I then parcour jump down into the basement, meant for parking cars. There I meet two boys, one is about 4-5 years old another is maybe 7-9. The young boy tells the older “This is where you did me wrong (or: this is where you annihilated me)”. The older doesn’t seem to quite understand, but then the story continues.
    Then a 12-13 year old guy appears – there is no question that he is a bully and he is much bigger, both taller, more muscular and fatter, he has a distinctly malicious energy about his person - while the two aforementioned remain hidden down behind a corner. The big guys is there to bully and the 7-9 year old then pushes the smaller one out from behind the corner, he seems to blush and turn red around the cheeks while doing so.
    As the youngest run out the Bully picks him up. As he picks him up he turns into a small baby of 6 months or maybe even smaller as in still a fetus. As soon as he has picked him up he walks over to a railing and slams the head of the youngest down into this railing. Killing him.
    The youngest looks like a doll and I say something along the lines of “Ah it was a doll”. However then the scenario shifts about and from above the doll is seen lying on the ground, and it is clear that the Bully has killed the youngest fetus/6months old cold blooded.
    The 7-9 year old is devastated and I am now back in my body and participating in my dream. It is clear to me that my reason for being there is that I must forgive the 7-9 year old, that is the karmic stuff the woman was talking about. I sit down with the guy and we both cry like babies.
    I don’t think I have ever been so wrecked by guilt, disgust, anger, sorrow and empathy for the guy. It is difficult containing all these ambivalent feelings and focus on forgiving him, yet this is what I sit down with him and do.
    Dream Ends.

    Dream 2: Walking through a fairgrounds in the rain.

    I am outside in a fairgrounds of some description. The atmosphere is holiday-like and I am walking around by myself, though there are many people around. I am walking past playful attractions, like a bouncy castle where I wonder if it is OK I am wearing shoes. I also walk past loads of food outlets – notably fastfood ones, like Sunset Boulevard and McDonald’s – and contemplate buying food, though I don’t in the end.
    It starts raining, severely. I get drenched in my brown Polo shirt, which I received from a friend of mine about 15-20 years ago. I wonder to myself how I will manage being all drenched and I take off my shoes and find that they are completely soaked in and filled with water as well.
    Dream Ends:

    Interlude: Before going into the dreams that followed later this day it is worth while noting a few events that transpired. The reason being that heavy emphasis was placed on sharing and interpreting these above dreams before the following 2 occurred. Thus the following two dreams can be both expressions of the same primarily activated themes, but also responses to the interpretations that were carried out.

    So I interpreted the first dream as essentially carrying a theme, which is best summarised as the relationship between various inner children. The narrative transformations provide some indications as to what the theme is about, I think.
    The dream starts out as a sexual fantasy – which is both day residue, as we fell asleep together and both of us apparently experienced fear and confusion as to what the connection was all about, as well as a pinpointing of a challenge I experience in intimate relations (the fear of reaching out, making the first move and committing to expose myself through expressing desire and attraction) – that then transforms to a karmic message “This is about karma, I will meet you in the summer”, which is a dialogue with a “faceless” woman (which carries on a theme of recent where a veiled woman has made herself known, as well a running into “the guy who wants to remain hidden” on the same night in a different dream), which then leads to a display of the killing of the youngest child (4-5 years old, turns into 6 months/fetus) through the brutal action of the 12-13 year old, but guided by the 7-9 year old.
    The intense emotionality, the supernatural aspects as well as the residual impact leads me to suspect this as a prospective dream, indicating that a dawning realisation of the interrelation between various “sub-programmes”. I suspect this is related to the connection between my fear of intimacy (which was prevalent with Nala) and my fear of promoting myself.
    The reason I suspect this was that when I was discussing some of the potential meanings of these boys of various ages with Mads on the way back from the weekend the 12 year old reminded me of a time when I had a crush on a girl from my class (Djana), though I never really dared to admit it. I could admit it to myself, but I was afraid of admitting to it publicly, which has been a recurring story ever since. This theme of public displays of affection was actually activated as an element of conscious reflection during the breakfast, where I engaged with Nala in an intimate fashion.
    So it is as if at least 3 of these 4 inner children are known to me. (1) Fetus//6 months old – pertaining to being abandoned (in the womb through smoking, alcohol consumption and potentially a polluted motivation of wanting to keep a hold on my dad, indicating a dysfunctional relation already then and the traumatic experience at 1,5 months old that I have talked to my mother about) (2) the 4-5 year old (The memory of getting punished for reaching out for food, being shamed and made wrong, as confirmed by my cousin who was in the memory) (3) the 12-14 year old (associated with being afraid to publicly commit to attraction and already at this point in time experiencing difficulty in expressing sexual desire or making the first moves. The 4th (the 7-8 year old) is so far unknown to me (it is the period of my life where I first discovered computer gaming, is the first that springs to mind).
    In any case the notion around Djana becomes present in one of the following dreams.


    Dream 3: How can one loose a space ship, well apparently it is because we forget how to look at the stars at night.

    There is a vista of a city skyline in bright sunlight. I am overlooking this from the water, a river I think. Then a portal opens and a version of the starship Enterprise appears. Then another and another I think of up to 6 or 7 appear. They are all slightly different, with different details around particular the engines, but it is important and it is made known to me that these differences matter, as it is a proof that I am not “just seeing things”.
    Then an alarm is sounded, or it is made known that we have lost a starship. There is a meeting of various generals from all over the world. Then a question is posed “How is it even spotted when it is hanging out there in the outskirts of the solar system in the darkness?” and an immediate, but also embarrassing answer (because it is so obvious) is posed. “Our allies (a different species) can walk in space and so can easily see spaceships in the darkness”. Then the Iranian general walks out to observe the stars and train his vision, but also do something of some description to retrieve the starship.
    Dream Ends:

    Dream 4: At a party, going home early to meet Djana, but is instead greeted by 6-7 aliens looking for Hude Dant – which I recognise as an obvious allusion to Hugh Grant.

    I am out partying with my friends. I decide to rather quickly return home and here I hope that I will find Djana at home. When I return I notice a small car parking on the other side of the road. It is driven by a woman – who is sitting in shadows and whom I have an awkward feeling about – we have a history and she is somehow connected to picking up Djana or someone else. I walk in and am pleased to find that the doors are open and that there is a light on. I walk in and down to the basement, but can’t find Djana. Instead I find my laptop lying on the sofa.
    Then a whole bunch of people walk in. I immediately know that they are aliens disguised as humans and that they are somehow connected with the previous spaceships (though I have no explicit memory of the previous dream, in this dream). There are 3-5 of them in the room and they are looking for Hude (or Lube) Dant, but I also know that this is a poor way to cover up that they are looking for Hugh Grant.
    There is a scenario shift to a driving car with 2 aliens in it, where one has disguised itself as a Dane and another as a Swede. There is a statement that I should keep away from Copenhagen and that there is something funny about this disguised Dane speaking Danish. It is all connected to a greater mission of sorts.
    Dream Ends:

    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretationwake/dream visuals/visions

    Updated 11-19-2018 at 02:31 PM by Vesterguard

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    non-lucid , side notes

    Diary entry 1 - example for integration initiative

    by Vesterguard on 11-13-2018 at 01:32 AM
    Non-lucid – NoteslucidInterpretation

    2018-11-13 00:21 So to take charge on the dreamwork project with healing rejser I have decided to run it myself, though I feel somewhat tired.
    I don’t know where to start. It feels as if identification with psychological self is falling away. Over the past couple of days I have experienced that with every thought arise a history, a narrative a person-in-potentia. It is falling away and I realise myself to be infinitely broader than whatever thought, feeling or sensation that arise, yet I am also Dennis, an embodied, carnal and emotional being just the same.
    I have experienced anger towards Cecilie culminating in an experience of being hurt. Simply hurt. The numbness and stupididty I felt when realising that is all I had been fighting to feel, all my anger towards her was trying to repress and what the suicidality was an expression of left me giggling, free and confused.
    Speaking off. There has been much confusion. Mainly as I have found little to be ecstatic or happy about, no mission nor direction. Thus meaninglessness and confusion.
    When I felt the hurt with regard Cecilie I started crying and placed myself down on a carpet. I saw myself a fetus in the womb of my mother and it felt as if I sent a team of light beings, angels to remind the fetus in the past that it was forever loved, before I took it and placed it firmly in my chest, now giving it love from myself to myself.
    I want to try out permaculture, more embodied, more giving a shit about my daily life and the planet on which it occurs. No longer a saviour project (attachmentto the recognition associated with such an endeavour), but simply because I miss trying out more contact with nature in a responsible way, the way of a custodian.
    I have felt curiosity about people. Like genuine curiosity, notable due the absence of trying to bring the conversation around to be about me. Either in terms of “I have tried something similar, when...” or “I totally get that, maybe you should look at it like… to….” or simply to demonstrate cleverness a hungry and hurt yearning for recognition, a desperation for fulfilling a hole that was futile from the beginning. I have seen the source, understood the principles by which the conditioning arose and battled myself to eternity to cling on to it, but it is faltering.
    I have experienced the depths of despair, isolation and loneliness driving my thoughts into suicidal contemplation ever so more specific and concrete, to the point that I just 2 days ago considered writing my departure letter as a way of examining why I was thinking about quitting it all. This pain has driven me through profound anger at my heart, my soul and God. I have been piss fucking irritated at my soul and God for not really appreciating the nature of a mortal being and selfishly deciding to put a poor human being, and not only me, through whatever hurts simply so they can learn a lesson or two from an immortal perspective. Funnily enough this anger was followed by what seemed a remark from Raphael “you have a point you know”. I have been angry at my heart as I thought that was a spot in which I was supposed to find rest, but the more I dive in the more it screams “BRING ME YOUR SUFFERING” as it spreads out tentacles digging up collective emotional bull shit that is lingering below the surface and causing all sorts of havoc, wanting to feel it so it can be released. What a dick that heart of mine!
    In my moments of darkness the room has literally seemed to go black and a voice have whispered “Well if you don’t need that soul...”. I guess if you open for angels, you open for all of them.
    Yet then in meditation the whispers of Ganesh have imparted me teachings of regulating attention. It has shown me how desire with attachment to outcomes becomes a strong, single pointed focus – just as you would practice in meditation. The problem is you then manifest it. I have seen how I have been manifesting pain and suffering relentlessly.
    All of this. All of this pain have left me severely questioning the wisdom of Ayahuasca. It seems that whenever I engage my desire for something simple, something human – love, connection and sex – I am denied. To the point where it has brought me into the realms of psychiatry, as it seems the plants are unwilling to help and assist with my predicaments and I now am scheduled to have a psychiatric evaluation carried out – do what you fear ey?
    It goes further than that. Here I sit on the night where I have finally broken my resistance towards promoting myself. The pattern that obscured my actioning was seen, and understood in its complex simplicity.
    When an urge to create and claim a slice of life for myself arise, in the concrete manifestation of simply promoting myself, a thought arise in response. “The world is already enlightened, you are no longer needed” - typically this would occur in interpretation towards an article read, a sentence uttered or something similar. In effect it would serve enough of a distraction to keep me from doing what I intended. Then when I engage with life and start seeing evidence to the contrary that maybe there are people out there suffering, someone I could assist a replacement thought would pop up, typically identified through some sort of inspirational video, article, cartoon or similar: “Well there are plenty of people out there much better than you, more suited to take up the task”. Then more examples would follow that would indicate that maybe you know I could be of service to some at which point the voice would turn distinctly sinister “Well Dennis you are a shitty human being, look at all of this shit you can’t figure out about life, you are not fit to help anyone”. Which would then initiate a period of intense suicidality, self-absorbed victimhood and suffering.
    This pattern has been at times lasted weeks, if not months. But after I verbalised it to a good friend yesterday I have seen it manifest and resolve within the space of an hour, though the suicidality and “terrible human being” bit got channelled into actually getting a marketing post written.
    My biggest fear is a funny one. I am actually afraid that upon resolving this inner conviction that I am not worthy of life, that I have no function to fulfil (it is tricky dedicating your life to helping people out of suffering, if all the world is already there just waiting for me to resolve my own bull shit so we can move on) that the enlightenment of the world will ensue. I would thus manifest my deepest fear, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    There is a lot of quirky stuff going on in my head (and oh my god don’t get me started on the bodily stuff), transformations and shifts in perspective are occurring at a rate I am so not accustomed to. I guess an apt analogy is that I have been thrown into a maelstrom in the middle of an infinite sea during a thunderstorm and am now learning to swim in these waters, slowly getting the hang of it.
    But there is a fierce willingness also arising. A willingness to experience more. Despite the intensity I want more from life.
    I can guarantee very little at present. The main thing I can say for sure is that I refuse to listen to the belittling voice within. I have empathy and compassion for why it arose. But I refuse to be worthless any longer.
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