DarkestDarkness

2nd September 2021

Dream:

Aboard a spaceship. It's dark in most hallways and rooms and there's a general eerie feel, like how I used to feel about the dark as a child. Some parts of the ship look like the Nostromo in a Weyland-Yutani style. There's discussion with some characters and we're talking about Vulcan. I seem to have future knowledge that it will be destroyed by an explosion but I keep it to myself. A guy is talking about his brother having gone to Vulcan as a trader.

I see out a central window in a dark room and there's a planet with a green atmosphere, framed perfectly by the round window.

I go away from the rest of the group on my own, I think just through into some other nearby rooms. There's a WY wall-mounted bulky junction thing, over a doorway (resembling corridors in the Pods). This thing has a flashing red light, possibly beeping too. I notice that the flash seems to slowly be gaining speed. This unsettles me, telling me something is wrong. In the dream I can't seem to remember what the thing is for and when I ask nobody else seems to know or care, being preoccupied with their own conversations or thoughts. Nobody takes this seriously. I feel there may be an alien (xeno) aboard.

(recall gap)

Then, I'm in the mess hall, which is nearby to where I was before. There are two or three dozen people here, all eating from bowls and stuff, but there are no tables or chairs. There are a few kids too. An adjoined kitchen has workshop-like tools, like buzz saws, table saws and the like. All of this just makes me feel uneasy and I imagine or fear accidents relating to these tools. One kid in the mess hall has a cyborg hand with a circular saw attached. He's cutting beef jerky with it, or some other kind of stringy meat.

I am or become one of the kids at some point, possibly early teens? Everyone eventually leaves except for myself and a couple of other kids. This unsettles me, like something terrible is going to happen, still because of that eerie feeling about the darkness. The other two kids, a tall slim boy and a short fat boy, start picking on me and won't let me leave. We get into a slow struggle but I eventually break free. I forget the rest of this part.

(recall gap)

Somewhere outdoors-like and sunny, but I just walked there in the ship, it's just some section of it. Some other characters, I'm accompanying them I think. Despite the changed environment the eerie feeling remains in some places that are indoors here. I forget most of this segment but at the end I'm talking to a male doctor, a psychologist. We're sitting at a bench in an outdoor cloister bit with benches. There are other people around, passing by or whatever. We discuss some problems of mine (which specific to this dream-life) but I forget what is said exactly.

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Notes:

- For quite some time I have been wondering if or when I'd ever dream about one of the Alien films. Oddly enough, after waking from this dream, I didn't remember this, despite realising there were some similarities between the dream environment and the setting of the first film.

- I haven't known or felt that fear of darkness in a number of long years, it's a fear that I think I must have worked a bit to overcome but that also kind of just went away on its own.
-- It's notable that I can't remember ever having felt this eerie feeling in a dream before, but it's possible I just don't remember any specific instance anymore.

- I couldn't notice any outer details of the ship from the windows.
-- The planet I saw was probably based off space games I've recently been playing. But the (vivid, tending toward yellows) green atmosphere is probably symbolic, as it's a colour I associate with death, envy and other sinister feelings or effects. This seems pertinent with the rest of the setting and mood.

- The unwillingness of other characters to cooperate or listen probably relates to how characters are often portrayed in the sort of film like Alien, where you always seem to have stubborn or ignorant characters that make everything worse.

- On some level, the ship having the self-contained outdoor-but-indoors environment is probably related to a story I've been working on for a while now.

- Despite the feelings in the dream, this wasn't really a bad dream, especially since I've been waiting for something like it to come up.

14th June 2020

Dream Fragment:

In some altered version of our house, with H. I remember a greenhouse of sorts around back, it was dark.

Transition? Another scene, still same area. Me and H walking around and there's this Polish lady and in the dream she is a neighbour of ours. She has a kid or two, and a husband who is away at the moment.

We hear her talk in her native language to her child, who is indoors. She's sitting on a dark grey fibreglass chair outside, our garden areas are apparently joined together. Her house isn't lined up straight with ours though, it's set further back, so the door leading inside her house from the "back" is technically on the side of her house, not the front or back.

I remember we spoke to her, she wanted something, like something done for her or fixed for her perhaps.

---

Notes:
- In the dream I remember that my knowledge about her family was simply intuitive, as if we'd known the family casually for years.
- While I don't really remember the lady's appearance or her children's appearance, I have the feeling she had black, tied-back hair. This fits some character archetype my dream mind keeps constructing from time to time.

- I am recalling, having written the above note, that I had a short-term friend (Ca) when I was a kid, who sort of matched this description; she was particularly tall despite being about the same age but she did get some abuse from other kids for that, since kids always find ways of being mean. I remember for a few years I'd always been a bit sad we didn't stay in touch or remain friends since we didn't stay in touch, but to be honest at some point I just don't even remember seeing her anymore, despite the fact that my home town was fairly condensed and most people knew each other in some vague way at the very least. During my childhood she was one of few girls with whom I got along with quite well.

- I think my dream mind likes to feature different families with children of their own as a window into what that life might be like.
- The backyard, oddly enough, was actually grassy, unlike the concrete backyard we do have at our current home.

Interruption to the DJ catch up to put one from the past night. Some particularly detailed dreams, but I ended up having so much initial recall of so many dreams that in the end I let go of many and only made notes of a couple. Of note is the fact that last night I took for the first time a multi-vitamin B complex. It somehow did increase dream vividness far beyond what I expected.

---

2nd August 2020

Dream:

In space. In a game like Freelancer, flying a ship with a similar camera view as the game would have. I am on a server and I interact with some other people, but it's a small and private server.

I remember at some point discussing something with someone and then bringing up a list looking at all the potential guns and turrets there were. There were Nomad weapons that went by names such as "Redeemer" and came in three different marks. I remember thinking that it was silly to call it redeemer because there should be a Class Ten weapon using that as an acronym. The turrets list was like a "give mode" menu too, but I didn't have access to that function.

Everything was so detailed, I remember asteroids and distant nebulas and overall the sense of scale was just about right. I'm not sure I flew with a specific aim in mind but I found a Klingon wreckage of a Warbird or something. I shot its turrets so that I could loot them, and I wanted to do so quickly so that someone else couldn't interrupt me or steal them from me.

Then very close by was a station where I landed my ship. I got out but don't remember doing so physically, and then was inside the station. It was like a hospital mixed a bit with an office, and now the server people were here with me as a group? But something has a Farscape feel to it. Seems poorly lit or dark, but visibility is OK.

I forget some details but eventually H is with me at some point and we are waiting at the end of some hall. There are other people here, just sitting on some kind of benches, all waiting same as us. It was like a lobby? The light here mostly comes from the floor, a bit blue-ish, not even just a cold light, actually blue-ish. There are some commercial type fridges with the metal framed glass doors and they have cans of drink in them and I open one of them behind someone and fiddle with or organise some cans.

Then eventually we go through a doorway. We're outside, it's day time, slightly cloudy but bright though I didn't notice shadows properly and we are visiting a church here to do some work. The transition into this area was perfectly seamless.

The church was unusual, it was very open and seemed to be in the ruins of a massive old cathedral, some parts more ruined than others. But overall there was no "ceiling" to speak of and it was an open church. I could hear the wind and the leaves of tall trees surrounding the area, I could hear this very clearly in the dream.

The floor was all just grassy turf and there was no flooring really, but there were brand new things and some old things here in the main congregation area of this new church. There was a wooden house of some kind, which was full-size and looked just like the typical thing seen in a nativity, just bigger effectively.

But two kids were following us, they seemed curious. Though I got the feeling from H it'd be better if they weren't following us, so as we approached a wall panel between some old pillars, we went behind a wooden carved statue of Jesus. The statue featured prominently the colours red and blue on the clothing, and His hair was curly and dark, as was His beard. He did have a crown of thorns, too. The colours seemed a bit worn but probably better than could be expected for something out here in the elements.

Anyway, H pushed some panel behind the statue and we went through and it shut. Though the structure was very open, this didn't really limit the kids following us, but it made it more difficult; H then went around more sneakily trying to just get past them or spook them or something. Either way, the whole time H seemed to know what he was doing and I just followed his lead as with any normal job.

One of the kids was gone at this point, but the other one remained and followed more closely now; his father or grandfather appeared and was trying to convince him to go back with him, but the child seemed insistent in following us and seeing what we were doing. The man apologised for the behaviour, clearly nervous and feeling a bit foolish in some sense. I did not mind him or the kid so much at this point.

Eventually we are on a rooftop part of the old cathedral building. It's high, but not as high as it would have been on top of the actual cathedral; I got the sense that this was a secondary, inner, chapel, built to be inside the cathedral itself. We got on the rooftop simply, because the grassy terrain ramped up to it, I recall. It's all leafy and there's lots of Autumn-coloured leaves on top, a contrast to the green grasses from earlier. I remember stepping on the leaves and feeling them under my boots, which made me more aware of what I was wearing. I remember walking over and maybe stepping on a dead sapling that was growing here. Its wood was dark and bendy.

Somehow it's a truly beautiful area and scene but I don't think or realise this in the dream.

As we get near the opposite end I become concerned and tell everyone to stop. The roof slopes down more quickly ahead and there are no leaves. I start to realise the danger of being on a roof more than before. I tell H, "there are no tiles here, we'll slip right off". So in agreement we start to walk back. I had thoughts of the kid falling and didn't want to feel responsible should something happen, but I also think about how the parent/grandparent would feel should such a thing happen.

At this point my fear of heights seems to kick in a little and I stick more toward the inner edge, where there's a vertical structure jutting out the middle of the roof; I step up on a stone ledge of sorts and as I keep walking back with a tight grip on some stone stuff, I start to realise there had been a music playing for quite some time, in a quick crescendo now. I could hear a jackdaw or crow cawing for the same amount of time too. These sounds were immensely beautiful and as they became more and more vivid I eventually woke up.

Dream Fragment:

Only made brief notes of this one. Dream about visiting a therapist to treat some narcolepsy (that I do not suffer from in real life). I basically kept falling asleep throughout this dream and having different dreams within the dream. In the last part, there was some joint therapy dream thing about recognising that I was asleep, and we had a timed round to shoot enemies and shoot their limbs off with guns.

Then an old skeleton is under some bushes or canopy on some grass. It was Kerrigan's skeleton? The front of the skull was missing or smashed, but some of the lower jaw mandible was intact. Someone took off what was the bones of a tail part of the skeleton and then I or someone else tossed the full skeleton towards someone, Sol, I think? She suddenly had to go though, and we all criticised her for doing this every time.

Scraps:

- A small Spartan-like nation? They had a strong military that seemed American in some sense and they were testing some nuclear weapons and special bullets. It was sunny. Lots of concrete structures.

---

Notes:
- There sure is a lot to make note of here, and I didn't even record all the detail of the first dream fully, it would have taken me too long and most of it is ultimately filler in some sense. But I greatly enjoyed that dream's experience.
- I probably remembered scraps of at least five long dreams in total, but all dreams were fairly vivid. They also all felt like they changed very quickly.

- In a between-period of sleeping and not sleeping after my initial waking up, I tried to focus my mind on drawing but did not have any dreams relating to that or art in general.

- The children following us were both boys, probably between the ages of 6-10. I don't remember having a great look at them, mostly because they followed us from behind most of the time.
- This first dream is the longest dream sequence I have dreamt of for quite a long time now.

- In the second dream, the skeleton was whole, all joined together, something that I know in waking life is impossible except if it had been put together as a museum piece of some kind. The bones were particularly yellowed and somewhat pitted.
- The guns/shooting thing probably came about from playing KF quite a bit with H lately.
- The weapons-testing in the scraps dream likely came about from a general enjoyment of controlled loud noises and explosions (despite their dangers and harmful nature).

- The therapist figure seems to be recurring a little recently. I think it's part is an inner representation of a guide because I have often sought help from therapists for guidance with the psychological side of life and because I've had some good ones, I suppose I feel on some level that they can be very useful guides, even when they say things I'm not happy with or don't agree with.
- This type of figure is also ironically likely to be the antithesis of my frustrations with healthcare systems; these dream therapists actually care about me and there is no payment or any such thing involved, there is a genuine feel of interest in helping me as if they were devoted to that.
- The narcolepsy and the falling asleep thing may have been subconscious cues about dreaming reality.

Non-dream stuff; I was only aware of waking up at about 9, but I know I was awake before that. The dream I had in my memory as I woke up, I quickly forgot, by feeling the need to sit up and crack my neck and back, yet I somehow still remembered some earlier, non-lucid, dream fragments:

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Dream fragments:
I remember being in a room, like at my parent's house, or my childhood home, but I can't say I remember the room in detail; it was one of the rooms at the back of the house and it was dark (but I didn't have the impression it was night). I was aware of a cat, black and white I think and there was a catfish or something... I distinctly remember the cat playing with the catfish and the catfish meowing; at first I was concerned for the fish somehow, and I remember turning my attention to something else and when I looked back again the catfish was gone, the implication being that the cat ate it. Suddenly it felt like the cat was aggressive and I remember trying to claw me; I think my instinctive responce was to smack it.

In another fragment, I simply remember my two siblings being present. Possibly in a corridor leading to some stairs or with stairs intersecting it.

Another fragment, I remember being aware of being back in my native country, with some sort of dream-generated friends or acquaintances in the dream and going up some dream-generated stairs, practically crawling up them, because in this dream my fear of heights seemed much greater. The stairs now remind me of something that Gaudi might have made, twisty, curly, yellow. I remember saying "I hate this country's stairs", in reference to the fact that my own native country has plenty of hilly cities and towns, with plenty of stairs.

I kept climbing the stairs and eventually reached a tier where there were floating platforms. Some sort of children were here, as if they played here everyday and one said to me "if you want to get to the other side, I'm afraid jumping is the only way". I looked around for another option, hanging close to the floor due to my fear, and indeed there was no choice.

The fall was a big one, I knew this. Someone from behind me, one of the dream friends said something like "we're 50 stories high, don't look down!" and I think I told them to shut up, that I knew, and I strongly resisted the urge to look down and simply hopped to the first small stone platform that was floating above this gap. The floating stone platforms were different shapes, some hexagons, some circles. I hopped to the next one, closest to a doorway on the opposite side of where I first arrived at this tier. I don't remember going through.



In another fragment, perhaps related to the last, I remember something in space, with asteroids and a space base, but not much else, unfortunately. This was one of the dreams I forgot by sitting up.

---

Notes:

• Last night, when I went outside to our yard I saw one of our neighbour's cats sitting on the wall, and it is black and white and has a bell; it scurries off when it sees us, even though the cat is the one choosing to come into our yard.
• In the platform jumping area, the abyss or gap or whatever was actually quite small, as I realised by hopping to each platform; the platforms felt decidedly steady despite their floating nature. The initial apprehensive nature of my fear likely made the gaps seem much wider at first, especially considering a fall implied death, and therefore, great pain in the last seconds.
• It is of note that I hate many platforming games, as usually the combat mechanics annoy me to great deal, such as Super Mario.
• Although my fear of heights varies greatly in waking life, it usually comes before I'm at the location, because of the anticipation of the situation; whereas in the dream the onset was only sudden once I was on the stairs.
• I'm fairly certain these fragments were actually linked by some transition, but I cannot remember it.
• As the stairs went up, there were buildings to either side, but on the right there was a gap between the stairs and the buildings, whereas on the left side they were adjoined. There were no doors at all at any point. In my native country the stairs would be less steep (possibly made steeper by fear) and there would be tiers and doors every so often.
• The fact that I and my siblings were present all in one room, these days, is not statistically likely. This should have made me question reality.
• The fact the catfish meowed should have made me RC, because I realised that it was odd, that catfish don't meow.

Edit: added a very rough 3D scene I quickly made (10-15mins) of the stairs dream scene.