• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    Memorable Dreams

    1. ccxviii. Loose dogs, Semi-lucid, Cameron at the dentist

      by , 01-27-2021 at 12:35 PM
      27th January 2021:

      Fragment:

      Night time. Some part in a house. Mom and her friend MJ? Something taking S out for a walk. (recall gap) At the house door, I'm in bare feet. S is outside and a bit "on the loose". She's three times her normal size, making her bigger than a lion. Her body shape seems elongated?

      From my position standing in the doorway, I see a German Shepherd approach with a man from the left and become concerned the dogs will fight. The GS first comes up to me and licks my face and generally wants attention. This part feels very vivid and real.

      Then the dogs spot each other and get fighty. I am reluctant to go out with bare feet to deal with this but S just comes up to the GS and I then try and hold her by her collar, though her size is making it difficult.

      (Think I woke up, it was early. I remember thinking I didn't want to bother writing notes yet and that I would try and simply recall the dream later. At this point I remember thinking about my switch in the way Occipitalred suggested. I remember the positions accurately and feel them mentally, toggling it a couple of times there.)

      Semi-Lucid Fragment:

      I'm outdoors somewhere? Night time still. I remember old school mates and friends. MB is here too. Me and my friends get into a sort of pretend game with real guns, fighting each other. I see an RPG launcher and grab it, everyone becomes afraid of me, except MB, kind of. I shoot a few rockets at him, they sort of just bounce off instead of exploding but they hurt him anyway. I try to really kill him, as I remember on some level what he represents.

      Later I'm in some kind of office-like place with H and I remember we had been having fun and I'm naked and have fluids on me. But as I'm walking somewhere to get myself clean in the dark, I become semi-lucid. I simply know I'm dreaming and realise I don't need to do any such thing such as cleaning myself. I try to will the mess away but it doesn't happen and I conclude it doesn't matter. I step over on to desks and over cubicle separators and despite the darkness I feel I can move around easily. I feel a level of energy that I have rarely known in waking life, and notice no pain. But lucidity eventually fades.

      (Recall is poor, I think because after this I continued dreaming and being asleep and the level of awareness dropped. I think this was kind of a WBTB but somewhat delayed. This dream felt like it was the start of being asleep again, anyway. My level of awareness and overall lucidity was somewhat poor.)

      Fragment:


      Something about a challenge involving putting on the one ring? Not sure if this was a dream or a thought while awake at some point. No clear visuals.

      Dream:

      A dentist's office of sorts, but seems built into a larger hospital. Doctor Cameron from "House" is here and she's here for an appointment. The dentist is a female of similar age and build, different hair and face.

      They are discussing some sort of serious treatment option. Cameron has forgotten part of what had happened last time she was on the chair. The dentist then suggests letting Cameron hear the audio log.

      Cameron is definitely distraught about what happened and the fact that she can't remember it at all. The dentist says that she can hear the tape when they both go over to Cameron's friends' place, which is implied by context of tapes and something else that it will be mine/H's place. Cameron tells her that she's gay and implies she'd like to hook up with her before coming over to our place or something.
    2. ccxii. Pre-sleep encounter with Data at the Dream Bridge

      by , 01-17-2021 at 11:59 AM
      17th January 2021

      In bed, at about 3 AM whilst trying to fall asleep. During the whole thing I noticed my heart rate was higher than it would normally be at rest. Dialogue as close to original as I can recall and notes are in-line and unbracketed.


      Not a dream and conscious with my eyes closed:


      I start to think about wanting to be lucid and then wanting to look for the black lizard.

      I hear the voice of Data and find myself seeing I'm on the bridge of the Enterprise, the one that's his contemporary. It's a bit clear at first visually. I have encountered Data other times in my head recently. For some reason he seems to encourage my conscious control and mastery of the sub-conscious and wishes to serve me.

      Data: "Hello, may I call you captain?"

      Me: "Hello. Yes, you may."

      Data: "Will you accompany me to the turbolift sir?"

      Me: "Yes, why?"

      I find my own voice comes out naturally as if it was Picard's; I eventually try to alter this but with little success. Whenever Data speaks, half of it feels like it's being controlled by me, resulting in strange dialogue, but otherwise it feels detached from my ego.

      Data: "I'd like to show you to the bridge; the battle bridge; no, the dream bridge."

      Me: "The dream bridge?"

      The visuals are muddy and too much like as seen in the show for my liking and I try to taste the walls, I try to feel where I'm walking and touching the railings and so on. It doesn't improve the visuals, but there is a feel of being in the place. We get on the turbolift and then find ourselves on a similar version of the bridge we were just in but it has a different feel. I see the large screen and the unmanned bridge.

      Data: "Yes sir. The dream bridge will allow you dream control if you so desire."

      Me: "How does it work?"

      Data: "It allows you to scroll; view, pre-view, select, choose and so on. As in your childhood sir, it works the same way."

      I understand what Data is referring to as being my pre-sleep lucid experiences from when I was much younger but this is somewhat different, more elaborate. I have an intuitive feel of how it's going to work but don't fully understand and the unclear visuals make it difficult to manipulate anything. I sit on a version of the captain's chair on this bridge. I feel the chair, just. There is some kind of controllable trackball I instinctively conjure on the right arm of the chair. I try to use and feel it for scrolling.

      Me: "If I have any further questions, I will call on you, that will do for now. Goodbye Mr. Data."

      Data says goodbye politely and I lose awareness of his presence as if he is completely gone. I try and use what's available to try to look through potential dreams. It doesn't work very well or as I expect. But one scene does pre-view better on the large screen, a M/M themed scene that plays itself out. But from there I don't know how to progress. I try to visualise more but it doesn't really work and visuals in general remained poor or unclear.

      The rest of the dialogue recall is too vague now, and I recall calling out to Data a couple of times and he would appear every single time I called him, and disappear whenever we said goodbye to each other. The computer would talk to me as well if I started a sentence by saying "Computer," but for the most part it was useless, probably because of how in the show I perceive the ship's computer as having no intelligence, a feature that Data, even as a character in my head, exhibits very well.

      I have found the experience to be somewhat odd; although a lizard character has tried to (aggressively) promote my ego's control and confidence, Data as a character is seemingly trying to promote control and mastery but in a very loose and passive way, allowing me to explore at my own pace for the most part and actively trying to teach me things. I think what has surprised me is the fact that these characters are not at the ego level but they are promoting it and basically siding with the ego.

      Data seemingly has loyalty for me as he would indeed for the captain on the Enterprise. For a couple of nights now I have thought about trying to remember what those pre-sleep experiences from my childhood felt like, so this whole thing has felt like a following of that and the theme may be because we've been watching the show again, although this was unexpected.

      The rest of the recall is lost but I was awake for a while longer after this.
    3. cxcvii. A painting I protect, a walk through town and a dark gothic place.

      by , 12-12-2020 at 02:46 PM
      7th December 2020

      Very fragmented:

      Me and H were getting some pipes out of an organ. It was a rank supposedly, but actually it can't have been more than an octave.

      Pipes were semi-stopped? With some blue felt inside the top to achieve this.

      Some other bit, something about water in a container; it looks odd inside. I drink some (why?) but it has weird fibres floating in it. I try to search online about it.

      But then we pour the water out on the floor and it's revealed that the fibres were half parasite things; they moved but incredibly slowly. Later I sweat them out through my thighs and I decide to use a H2O2 spray to kill them all and almost bathe myself in it too so it soaks into me and kills any remaining inside my body. I have doubts about what I'm doing and what is going on.

      At a mansion place, I'm with my family here. We're guests to some friend of dad. I remember paintings hanging on the walls. There are stone or white wood ballustrades and there's no ceiling or it's made of glass. The host eventually becomes very surprised when he learns (from a servant?) how much it had cost him to accommodate all of us here.

      An unknown man comes in, he's wearing a dulled red jumpsuit. He is a thief, I quickly observe but I allow him to continue and I say nothing. I do not dislike our host but yet I allow this thief to steal from him.

      But when he tries to steal a painting with strange colouring patterns on it, with the figure of a woman in a white-ish dress, I let him get away with it for a while before I start following him. I follow him into a corridor and jump on him and tell him he absolutely cannot take this painting because it's special to me. I think I'm angry? I ask him to take anything else except for this painting. I tell him that there are many other paintings in this big house and that many are by famous artists and can fetch far better prices on a black market.

      I have some feeling the painting is about my cousin T, but there was nothing identifiable on it that would indicate this. The visual recall is too vague.

      Then, we're all leaving. I am more wary about the thief now but allow him to continue with his subtleties. I see mom and my sibling T and three others from the family, squeezed inside a white or silver Peugeot. I don't notice which is side the driver is on. I try to find the car I'm supposed to get in, but I can't find it.

      Eventually I'm just walking around a town with dad and some more family. It's sunny, with a few clouds. Distant mountains kind of like where I live now, but sharper contours? But otherwise the area looks more like my native country even though it is a dream-generated place. In the distance I also see a thin but very tall smoke stack.

      Dad tells me this stack is for the purpose of "releasing the excess gas from the dormant volcano", and he refers to the volcano by name but I lost the recall of that name.

      We all cross a street at a crossing, except dad, who goes into an open manhole, with a warm orange glow coming out of it. I look in and there's a vertical climbing pole at the centre of it and it seems to go down a very long way, it's bright inside but a saturated orange dominates. I tell the rest I'll lag behind so that dad can catch up with us. I am across the road and there's some kind of cafe on this side. The rest of the family go in and through the cafe and out again on another side.

      (recall gap)

      Mix of several RPGs and reality. I kill a mob pack referencing something to Lord of the Rings. A unique and unidentified teal rarity ring drops and there's some kind of interface overlay even though I'm in first person.

      It's some kind of occult void ring. It distorts reality around it and I put it on, on my right hand I think. I'm in a room with pews, gothic windows and some kind of statues too maybe. Everything becomes dark except outside through the windows still seems bright, if dull. There's some kind of wind that I can't feel, but can see. Objects like the pews leave a trailing ghostly effect, with a dark, dark red after-shadow-image.

      I go to a piano. I realise there's two time limits now that I see at a top/central position of some UI. I was supposed to do something on the piano and don't manage to open some kind of secret passage in time.

      Then there's a cutscene about an ogre and a witch. There's animosity between the characters and there's an extreme distance between the two. Some dialogues? He loses all the will he had to kill her for some reason but still he rampages forward. While watching, I make note of the fact that there's some gold piled up in the side of some rooms as the ogre goes through these large underground gothic halls.



      Notes:

      - The ogre and the witch were very stereotypical in their representations.

      - The woman's painting had a dark background that contrasted her brighter dress. The painting had a rainbow-like spotty pattern all over it, like light scattering or something. It's similar to an idea I've had for painting but I haven't been able to attempt it properly.

      - Before falling asleep, I tried doing this active imagination thing and I remember getting a bit lost or carried away in it, especially as it made me get closer to falling asleep.

      - The smoke stack is like one where I live but it was taller than that; I'm not sure what the volcano thing could be about.
    4. clxxxviii. Concrete subway

      by , 11-09-2020 at 10:14 PM
      9th November 2020

      Initial note: Some parts of the dream were clearly about having to get ready in the morning but other parts felt more random. I didn't sleep through the whole night, having struggled to fall asleep and to stay asleep for most of the night, but only recalled the morning dream.

      Dream:

      The entirety of the dream takes place in what seems to be a subway and in some parts there's a feel of it being mixed with the layout of my old home.

      I remember being naked and at one point there's some kind of mini game thing happening and
      Spoiler for semi-graphic:


      And then the egg thing would hatch and a prize would come out of it, like a kinder-egg prize toy or something, but the prizes were completely random. As I kept doing this, things like bathroom spray cleaner bottles and other mundane objects would be "spawned" by the hatched eggs I was using. I think to myself very clearly "wow, it's almost like magic, but how do the companies make them appear as if they spawn from thin air from these comparatively very small eggs?" I add to the irony of this by then thinking "it must be some kind of quantum gateway tunnelling, I think", completely missing the cue.

      Then I remember getting dressed with my usual clothes, the ones I'd be wearing today basically. I don't remember putting socks on but I know I hadn't put on a top just yet. I recall an escalator which I go down on, it goes a long way forward and not very far down so it has a very small degree of elevation per step. The subway area itself is very much like the ones I've been used to from my old home area but far more vast and of incredible depth/height. For a while I'm the only person in the entire place.

      Then I hear dad calling for me and telling me about how we had to get on with it and get ready. (prior to this whole dream I had a waking moment where I had checked the time and it was still more than an hour's time away from my alarm going off) Mom is also here now and she's telling me about how T lost his citizen's card/ID in the subway just recently. I comment that I couldn't possibly lose something like that out of my wallet because it's all stuffed in quite tightly.

      Dad seems disappointed that we (me and T or me and H?) weren't ready sooner, but I tell him it's not even 8AM yet and he doesn't really change his tune, insistent that we should be more prepared or something to that effect.

      My recall faded a bit but eventually I had to go back to get a hoodie and I'm trying to not get lost in what seems to be an Escher-like maze quality that the subway seems to have. The entire underground area is very well lit but I'm left with an impression of darkness and recall the construction was primarily concrete, so it felt like a recent or cheap construction.

      I recall that at some point, there were some more particular things that had hatched from my eggs; one was a bony black creature with wings, like a dragon, but not. It had a frayed look, worn. At first I genuinely thought it was a toy because it started out inanimate and in a sort of fetal position? But when it started moving around I began to hope it wouldn't cause any chaos or mayhem while we were away for work today (pre-lucid thought).

      Another peculiar item that spawned from the eggs was a very authentic/official looking piece of scrap paper telling a military person who he should be looking at and what he should be doing when activating a nuclear arsenal. The paper had Spanish writing but it was mostly in English. The other military person mentioned was a "Dahlia" something or other, of an enlisted rank (sergeant comes to mind?).

      At the top of this thick paper were two groups of Hebrew or Jewish 6-point stars and taking up the right half of the document were some watermarked bald-eagles or something, but the paper was torn around this area. I couldn't make up my mind on where this document could possibly originate from, thinking about Mexico, the USA, Israel and other places. But I remember being amazed by the document and trying to tell H about it in the dream.



      Notes:

      - In the dream, I don't recall any of the "subway" area actually having any rail tracks. It just had the same feel as some stations I've been in, but on a bigger scale. I never did reach a terminal at any point in the dream, nor did I see any trams/trains. The whole place was very bare. Although subways used to be a common dream sign for me, they rarely feature quite as much as they used to a few years ago, probably since I don't use them currently.

      - Apart from how it felt physically, there was nothing particularly sexual about the mini-game thing.

      - I think part of what brought about the small dragon-like creature was the fact that H's cat had to have some emergency care very recently and so was looking quite "patchy" and ruffled when I saw a picture.

      - Part of what brought about the very peculiar military document was probably because I was reading about colonising of the Americas in general last night and also looking at different maps about the subject. Dahl and its variations is a name I find interesting but apart from the similarly named Borderlands fictional military-arms company, I'm not sure what would have prompted a character to be called Dahlia in one of my dreams, but it's not the first time a random word has been put together.

      - Although I don't recall what it was anymore, something did happen if I didn't use the eggs and just allowed them to hatch by themselves and from my perception (with it being a mini-game of some sort) this was "bad".

      - At the time of this dream I had recently been speaking to a transgender friend of mine, whom I hadn't spoken to for quite some time.

      Updated 11-14-2020 at 06:47 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes
    5. clxxxiii. Ancient lottery machine, Desert war site

      by , 10-22-2020 at 12:47 AM
      19th October 2020

      Fragment:

      I was helping H. There was some kind of old lottery machine thing which we'd salvaged, but it had stops like an organ, almost 100 of them even though only about 50 were required. (Think that was dream intuitive knowledge)

      But as H put in a dowel thing for a stop, a wasp came out (but not really, it looked like a midge) and it bit or stung him. I suggested they might all be infested and we might be better off making all of them ourselves (the stops I think) but I think H found this to be frustrating.



      20th October 2020

      Dream:

      I was in Syria, Egypt or a country near these. I was at a USA military camp. Not sure how I got there in the dream but I remember it was in a valley. From the camp I could see in the distance steep, dusty, rocky mountain peaks. Toward one direction was a city of some kind on a sloped area.

      It looked more like ruins or slums and I could see flags. They were black with white Arabic script on them, but also a stylised animal trailing off the script too. This area looked vast.

      In the camp, I remember hearing some soldiers saying that all new troops coming in were being parachuted instead of coming in a ground march. Apparently it'd been this way since some incident with one soldier (there was a name but can't recall) where he'd been surrounded and ganged up on (by whom?).

      There was a female soldier sitting and listening. She had fake blonde hair tied up in a short pony tail. She looked worried and I realised on some level she was thinking of what I'd already thought of. If this place was a valley and the camp was surrounded by mountains and refugee camps and ruins, how would all the soldiers return home?

      (recall gap)

      Inside some hospital. Looks normal/clean. Similar in some sense to the one in the town where I live now. Again, somewhat vast inside. There's some kind of fighting going on but it seems like it's day-to-day business here. The fighting was happening on some other level, a basement? And there was some kind of mini plot about someone being injured and having to be carried away stealthily because he wasn't local.

      (recall gap)

      Commanders or captains. Some discussion about charging some kind of portal in a low basement level. Something about hearing reports of the portal's destination being in the Earth's core and really hot, rocky, red and black and also impossibly flat. Some soldiers openly said they didn't want to go or something.

      (recall gap)

      Inside some place, still the hospital I think. Mostly sitting on the floor? By a window, it's like a cafe or something this part. Someone tells me about being able to buy things. There are items along the sill and the prices are displayed on folded pieces of card/paper like mini billboard things. Some items were puddings and others were weapons and just random crap in general.

      I remember wanting some kind of dried out mousse thing, it cost 1.50. It was chocolate-y in taste and looked slightly purple but at first it just looked like a candle. (mom used to have some purple candles that smelled nice, only remembering this now)

      (recall gap)

      In the downstairs place. But looked like a warehouse area with certain bits having skylights or something. There were robots and now I had some kind of level-up system and there was another system that meant I could get upgrades from scavenged parts from the robots. I remember trying to create a new fully fledged robot. They were all about 3-6m tall.



      Notes:

      - The second dream was odd. The theme of war hasn't really appeared so directly or about a real context so clearly very much in the past. The dream setting and environment all had a very genuine feel to it. There was a certain amount of thematic consistency to the dream plots, for the most part.
      - The black flags with white script seem to remind me of certain terrorist/rebel groups in waking life, but in the dream they were just the flag of the nation of this place. I think the animal on the flag was a lion. The American army seemed to be there mostly to provide some sort of logistical support to the ruined city/region. But obviously there was still some kind of animosity and fighting going on, but I remember no mention of who "the enemy" actually was.

      - In the hospital I didn't note anyone wearing any medical equipment or the like.
    6. clxx. A quest for soup

      by , 09-29-2020 at 05:21 PM
      I thought I was missing a dream... It seems I skipped an older DJ entry by accident...

      12th August 2020

      8:30

      Dream:

      (points) Something about furry art. A kitchen, on-board a boat. Fancied two girls who were aboard. They were flirty? But they didn't know about one another.

      I was in some open restaurant area. I wanted soup from some famous female cook? I remember running in my home town. It was busy. I saw a motorised unicycle of some kind with a white paint job; I thought it looked kind of cool and I thought about how someday it would look out of place, outdated and silly. It was night time and I had to sprint my best (didn't feel dream slowness too much) to get to a harbour that was where the exit ramp out of town should be. From there, this cruise ship was leaving and I knew this because of its horn which I heard while running. I didn't want to miss it.

      I got to the loading ramp just as it was leaving and made a jump for it. It was a bare miss from my mark, plunging into water and grabbing onto a rear steering fin.

      From there I thought of calling someone (JC?, but the character or my old friend?) on the ship to bring me a rope. Then thought of just using a teleport command instead. No, instead I decided I could do this by myself and balanced on top of the steering fin and despite the water and speed, jumped forward and got on the deck.

      I got in through some doorway, watching my head. Passing thought of "so what if I fancy both of them?". I go down some steep metal or wood steps and I see her, one of these girls whom I apparently fancied. She was taking off some clothes in order to get changed. She had red briefs, a blood red colour.

      I remember we both smiled at each other but didn't speak. I had the awareness of having a glazed clay bowl in my hand and wanting some soup. There was a kitchen ahead through another bulkhead doorway. When I got inside the kitchen, there were two aggressive dream characters sort of accosting me. I forget who they were or looked like, but they were like pirates?

      Insistently I told them I would pay them to be left alone while I was in here. They thought I had nothing of value (mocked me?) and I remember scrounging through my pocket. Dozens of coins, I shove them at the two "pirates", the coins aren't nearly as valuable as I'd first expected however. I keep looking through my pockets. A stone? No, an ore nugget of sorts. It feels rough and I give it to them. It was a nugget of gold, but in reality the feel of it was more like a piece of pyrite ore like one I have in waking life.

      But I still decided this wasn't enough and somehow gave them something else but I don't remember what it was. They are now dumbfounded and agree to my terms now. Their aggression goes away, pretty much, and now I walk around the kitchen and see a very orange-y styled chest freezer, with pictures of garfield on it. I assume this is some BL ice cream thing A started.

      I remember going near a counter at the end of a queue bit, effectively bypassing said queue. But I felt as though I'd earned it with my payments to the "pirates". I still want that soup, but I can't or don't manage to find any?

      The next thing I remember, a black chef is getting fired and complaining that he was in a good mood and the head chef ruined it all and so on. I remember very shortly after, reading a review online that this chef left about the restaurant, saying very poor things about the crew or something. I feel that it's in bad taste (but feel some sympathy). Then I'm in an upper deck. Mix of a train and airplane aisle? Windows to the outside. It's day-time and some people are sitting in this cabin-like bit by the windows. A white girl says "I was pinning (some artist)", referring to how she was subscribing to this artist on some platform called "pin.it"?

      We're talking about furry artists, apparently. She mentions she feels embarrassed for talking about it out loud. A big black man sitting next to her, gives her some reassurance and tells her he actually had some interest in that same artist too.

      I forget what else happened, a lot of detail is absent from this DJ entry overall but I had a lot more recall of the dream initially.

      Some other bit about a base, partially in space? With technical-looking game block tiles and an ancient Egyptian ruin? Some overlap with the pirates somehow...



      Original note:

      - On waking I could smell the curry I'd left on a timer to start cooking at 7AM. The cookery related part of the dream may well have stemmed from that and from all the preparation I'd done for it last night. I also made a dessert, leaving the curry, the main course, to effectively cook overnight. In the dream, I was looking for a soup, which to me is traditionally a starting course.

      Added notes:

      - Quite likely the search for the soup was both a metaphor and a more literal desire at the same time. In the literal sense, a true full meal, to me, should include a starter such as a small soup, a main course, with meat or fish, and a dessert course, such as a sweet pudding of some kind and the meal we would be having the day of the dream would be missing this starter course. In the less literal sense, this food-related dream-plot goes back to old roots and to what I was used to having at meal times for a large part of my early life, so it seems somewhat nostalgic in a sense. I could extrapolate more meaning from this but these are the two most immediately relevant meanings to me.

      - The more carnal aspects about relationships on this dream maybe just came about as a coincidence with the food plot, since food and sex are supposedly pretty close in the brain, that's what makes sense in my mind anyway. But the two girls were also distinct in some way that I can't remember anymore (one may have been more open and the other more reserved and other such dualities?), so in the more metaphorical sense they are probably just relating directly to some aspects of myself, not to mention that at the time I was working on developing two characters that had a similar nature of duality between them.
    7. cxxxi. Lucidity! And self-indulgence

      by , 08-04-2020 at 01:07 PM
      4th August 2020 ~11:30

      Dream:

      Near the end of a stupidly long non-lucid part; I was falling through a pipe, I was with a squad to take something out in a facility. But then as I was falling, everything seemed still.

      I was in a void of sorts and time seemed to pass slower, the others were still here with me. It felt like being in water, and there was a similar visual effect. The squad leader, turned to me and said "you must pick the right one this time!" and I suddenly saw a vision of who to pick.

      Then I was in a room. There were three guardians and some other characters. I picked the one from my vision. It was true that it was the start of a cycle that I was now breaking, at the start of this long non-lucid part I was in a very similar situation.

      But this time I had picked "correctly". As a result, my consciousness shifted, I was now the guardian I'd picked. I noticed my hands, I had three fingers and one thumb. I became lucid but it came slowly, not like in the past.

      There was no "aha!" moment or sudden shift. I realised I was in a version of my mom's first office room. The characters were gone, I think; and to confirm my lucidity further I grabbed a metal shelving unit in the room and threw it through a wall, fully expecting it to go through as if it were a ghost, and it did!

      I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, since I hadn't fully expect to be lucid. I decided to indulge in one of my fantasies and decided to become a giant anthropomorphic lizard. It sort of worked... I saw myself in third person, wearing a labcoat (my artificial dream sign) as an anthro lizard. But I wanted to be myself in first person, I get tired of seeing things in third person in dreams and so I willed it and then was myself as the lizard. I looked down and saw the city-sprawl below me. I had reptilian-like feet with claws and I could see I had an emerald green skin but it was not as dark as I wanted. I tried to give myself different sexual features but it didn't work either.

      I was happy enough the transformation worked in the basic sense in any case and started to have some fun by putting myself against the ground and sort of rubbing along it for lack of better words. I paused and checked my hands again, just having a good look at them. They were hardly as scaly as I'd expected and this felt disappointing but I carried on. I remember noticing the atmosphere effect but oddly enough when I was standing I didn't notice the curvature effect of the planet. I was big enough that I should have been able to notice it.

      While the terrain did get sort of crunched/destroyed/etc by whatever I did, I wasn't able to see the cities in any great amount of detail and could not notice any mountains either. I was too big I suppose. I could feel my tail at several points but overall the feel of my body was mostly whole/complete.

      Spoiler for Self-indulged arousal:


      After this self-indulging, I realised the city/landscape I'd been having fun on and with was really just a square section in a rather large room. At the edges, the atmosphere effect sort of cut off, it was interesting.

      I was standing up and looked around the room for the first time; lots of metal pipes and dark metal things, like grates and slits where some natural light came through from. It had an extremely industrial look. As I looked around I still felt that I was very big, but the room's scale made me feel smaller in a sense, despite how much room I took.


      My lucidity was fading a little and I'd become a bit bored, I didn't expect to end my fantasy so soon but this was obviously the result of not pre-planning any of this. I saw a character less than half my size, by a sewer-tunnel looking bit. I approached, I asked him "Who are you?", quite curious about this metal-flesh sort of monster, the look only describable as being drawn from many such archetypes.

      He gave me a reply veiled in mystery, that I cannot recall anymore, but he did not answer my question in its most basic form and I didn't think of asking again. I got bored of him and decided he was quoting from something, but I forget what he was saying, unfortunately.

      I looked around again. This felt so different from my previous lucid experiences. I was calm, and it didn't take much effort to be calm; the dream was far less vivid and detailed than other lucids and indeed even less than some non-lucids, but I appreciated this moment. I enjoyed not feeling my daily pain.

      Then, out of nowhere, I heard a deep echoing voice. It told me "You must kill your brother, remember?". Some less conscious part of me, replied automatically "I know, I know! But not now." Before I could add anything of my own will, the voice spoke again to the effect of "Very well, he shall be kept alive for now." The voice faded completely and I simply finished by again automatically saying "Good."

      I didn't appreciate this family-related intrusion into my lucidity but realised it was from a deeper part and so didn't really wish to alter it.

      My lucidity may have been fading again but I decided to simply explore these strange halls, carelessly stepping over that square world I'd been playing with earlier and heading for a doorway on the opposite corner from where I was. There were many artificial warm light accents around the metal halls. I eventually found myself on a gantry bit and there were random people both there and on a lower tier. I played around with some telekinesis on some red and blue barrels, trying to lob them but doing so poorly at first. I started to gain a more intuitive understanding as I did it but it did not feel as "mentally driven" as I'd expected, having to move my hands a fair bit.

      My form had been consistent through my lucidity, I still had reptilian traits and my hands were clawed now, I recall. A random human character next to me looked up to me and said "Don't throw them with your arms like a real barrel." Or something like that. I understood from this to use hand motions more. I tried lifting a barrel and pulling it toward me, having done so too much and then pushing it forward a little more with some related hand motions.

      I tried to hit a person in the lower tier with the barrel but it didn't quite work or something. Then I went down some stairs. I was in a mall area and my lucidity was fading but not gone. A dream character was upset with me, he was some manager for the mall. "You're ruining everything with your lucidity!" He said, or something.

      He was extremely upset that I was doing whatever I pleased. There was a woman nearby I'd somehow gotten fired or something (but she was all the more happy about it) and the man became angry and he wanted to have a serious go at me now.
      But I somehow just turned it against him, kind of willing some help from the woman and she automatically started defending me, distracting the manager man. I was no longer lucid at this point and had been letting myself go along with the dream too much. Eventually I just woke up.



      Edit:

      Spoiler for Notes (in spoiler due to their length):

      Updated 08-04-2020 at 05:12 PM by 95293

      Categories
      side notes , lucid , non-lucid , memorable
    8. cxxix.

      by , 08-02-2020 at 12:00 PM
      Interruption to the DJ catch up to put one from the past night. Some particularly detailed dreams, but I ended up having so much initial recall of so many dreams that in the end I let go of many and only made notes of a couple. Of note is the fact that last night I took for the first time a multi-vitamin B complex. It somehow did increase dream vividness far beyond what I expected.



      2nd August 2020

      Dream:

      In space. In a game like Freelancer, flying a ship with a similar camera view as the game would have. I am on a server and I interact with some other people, but it's a small and private server.

      I remember at some point discussing something with someone and then bringing up a list looking at all the potential guns and turrets there were. There were Nomad weapons that went by names such as "Redeemer" and came in three different marks. I remember thinking that it was silly to call it redeemer because there should be a Class Ten weapon using that as an acronym. The turrets list was like a "give mode" menu too, but I didn't have access to that function.

      Everything was so detailed, I remember asteroids and distant nebulas and overall the sense of scale was just about right. I'm not sure I flew with a specific aim in mind but I found a Klingon wreckage of a Warbird or something. I shot its turrets so that I could loot them, and I wanted to do so quickly so that someone else couldn't interrupt me or steal them from me.

      Then very close by was a station where I landed my ship. I got out but don't remember doing so physically, and then was inside the station. It was like a hospital mixed a bit with an office, and now the server people were here with me as a group? But something has a Farscape feel to it. Seems poorly lit or dark, but visibility is OK.

      I forget some details but eventually H is with me at some point and we are waiting at the end of some hall. There are other people here, just sitting on some kind of benches, all waiting same as us. It was like a lobby? The light here mostly comes from the floor, a bit blue-ish, not even just a cold light, actually blue-ish. There are some commercial type fridges with the metal framed glass doors and they have cans of drink in them and I open one of them behind someone and fiddle with or organise some cans.

      Then eventually we go through a doorway. We're outside, it's day time, slightly cloudy but bright though I didn't notice shadows properly and we are visiting a church here to do some work. The transition into this area was perfectly seamless.

      The church was unusual, it was very open and seemed to be in the ruins of a massive old cathedral, some parts more ruined than others. But overall there was no "ceiling" to speak of and it was an open church. I could hear the wind and the leaves of tall trees surrounding the area, I could hear this very clearly in the dream.

      The floor was all just grassy turf and there was no flooring really, but there were brand new things and some old things here in the main congregation area of this new church. There was a wooden house of some kind, which was full-size and looked just like the typical thing seen in a nativity, just bigger effectively.

      But two kids were following us, they seemed curious. Though I got the feeling from H it'd be better if they weren't following us, so as we approached a wall panel between some old pillars, we went behind a wooden carved statue of Jesus. The statue featured prominently the colours red and blue on the clothing, and His hair was curly and dark, as was His beard. He did have a crown of thorns, too. The colours seemed a bit worn but probably better than could be expected for something out here in the elements.

      Anyway, H pushed some panel behind the statue and we went through and it shut. Though the structure was very open, this didn't really limit the kids following us, but it made it more difficult; H then went around more sneakily trying to just get past them or spook them or something. Either way, the whole time H seemed to know what he was doing and I just followed his lead as with any normal job.

      One of the kids was gone at this point, but the other one remained and followed more closely now; his father or grandfather appeared and was trying to convince him to go back with him, but the child seemed insistent in following us and seeing what we were doing. The man apologised for the behaviour, clearly nervous and feeling a bit foolish in some sense. I did not mind him or the kid so much at this point.

      Eventually we are on a rooftop part of the old cathedral building. It's high, but not as high as it would have been on top of the actual cathedral; I got the sense that this was a secondary, inner, chapel, built to be inside the cathedral itself. We got on the rooftop simply, because the grassy terrain ramped up to it, I recall. It's all leafy and there's lots of Autumn-coloured leaves on top, a contrast to the green grasses from earlier. I remember stepping on the leaves and feeling them under my boots, which made me more aware of what I was wearing. I remember walking over and maybe stepping on a dead sapling that was growing here. Its wood was dark and bendy.

      Somehow it's a truly beautiful area and scene but I don't think or realise this in the dream.

      As we get near the opposite end I become concerned and tell everyone to stop. The roof slopes down more quickly ahead and there are no leaves. I start to realise the danger of being on a roof more than before. I tell H, "there are no tiles here, we'll slip right off". So in agreement we start to walk back. I had thoughts of the kid falling and didn't want to feel responsible should something happen, but I also think about how the parent/grandparent would feel should such a thing happen.

      At this point my fear of heights seems to kick in a little and I stick more toward the inner edge, where there's a vertical structure jutting out the middle of the roof; I step up on a stone ledge of sorts and as I keep walking back with a tight grip on some stone stuff, I start to realise there had been a music playing for quite some time, in a quick crescendo now. I could hear a jackdaw or crow cawing for the same amount of time too. These sounds were immensely beautiful and as they became more and more vivid I eventually woke up.

      Dream Fragment:

      Only made brief notes of this one. Dream about visiting a therapist to treat some narcolepsy (that I do not suffer from in real life). I basically kept falling asleep throughout this dream and having different dreams within the dream. In the last part, there was some joint therapy dream thing about recognising that I was asleep, and we had a timed round to shoot enemies and shoot their limbs off with guns.

      Then an old skeleton is under some bushes or canopy on some grass. It was Kerrigan's skeleton? The front of the skull was missing or smashed, but some of the lower jaw mandible was intact. Someone took off what was the bones of a tail part of the skeleton and then I or someone else tossed the full skeleton towards someone, Sol, I think? She suddenly had to go though, and we all criticised her for doing this every time.

      Scraps:

      - A small Spartan-like nation? They had a strong military that seemed American in some sense and they were testing some nuclear weapons and special bullets. It was sunny. Lots of concrete structures.



      Notes:
      - There sure is a lot to make note of here, and I didn't even record all the detail of the first dream fully, it would have taken me too long and most of it is ultimately filler in some sense. But I greatly enjoyed that dream's experience.
      - I probably remembered scraps of at least five long dreams in total, but all dreams were fairly vivid. They also all felt like they changed very quickly.

      - In a between-period of sleeping and not sleeping after my initial waking up, I tried to focus my mind on drawing but did not have any dreams relating to that or art in general.

      - The children following us were both boys, probably between the ages of 6-10. I don't remember having a great look at them, mostly because they followed us from behind most of the time.
      - This first dream is the longest dream sequence I have dreamt of for quite a long time now.

      - In the second dream, the skeleton was whole, all joined together, something that I know in waking life is impossible except if it had been put together as a museum piece of some kind. The bones were particularly yellowed and somewhat pitted.
      - The guns/shooting thing probably came about from playing KF quite a bit with H lately.
      - The weapons-testing in the scraps dream likely came about from a general enjoyment of controlled loud noises and explosions (despite their dangers and harmful nature).

      - The therapist figure seems to be recurring a little recently. I think it's part is an inner representation of a guide because I have often sought help from therapists for guidance with the psychological side of life and because I've had some good ones, I suppose I feel on some level that they can be very useful guides, even when they say things I'm not happy with or don't agree with.
      - This type of figure is also ironically likely to be the antithesis of my frustrations with healthcare systems; these dream therapists actually care about me and there is no payment or any such thing involved, there is a genuine feel of interest in helping me as if they were devoted to that.
      - The narcolepsy and the falling asleep thing may have been subconscious cues about dreaming reality.
    9. cxi.

      by , 04-07-2020 at 12:58 PM
      Some very long dreaming overall, many fragments lost now. The primary dream is backwards since that was the easiest way to put all the memory into notes.



      Dream Fragment:

      The earliest part of this dream I can remember, I was moving a cruise liner-like ship into orbit of a pretty plain planet. While manoeuvring close, I accidentally clipped head-on into the planet, so I had to sort of reverse out and reposition. I wanted to set it up so that it would make a nice screenshot, with the system's star and the nebulae in the background. There was a relatively dark palette to this scene, dark purples and dark desaturated oranges, almost a bright brown. The planet itself was a somewhat bright but lifeless pink and the ship was just some standard dark grey of sorts. Warm light.

      I intended to upload the resulting screenshot onto the game's forum, I think. Despite the whole scene having a hyper-realistic feel, it was quite a lot like Freelancer but not quite, a bit of EVE online feel to it too.

      In actuality I was on the ground, at the sloped and curvy area near M's house in my old town. I remember using some interfaces about my ship and looking through options. I "moused over" some checkboxes that had question marks next to them for info and quickly glanced at some tooltips that would appear with lists on them. I clicked some options rapidly; the options were relating to failure/limp modes. After checking these boxes, the ship started to implode. The options had no warning or confirmation before I had activated them so I got upset and spoke angrily at the interface, swearing and declaring how it was stupid, in my frustration.

      On some list of ships I apparently owned, I saw the value of this cruiser drop rapidly from several hundred million to almost nothing as it imploded. I knew the ship was dead and worthless now in orbit of that planet and took some comfort in the fact that nobody would want to loot it being so worthless. Annoyed, I still felt like I could make a screenshot out of it.

      Dream:

      I woke up when in the dream I was telling H about some water-filled cyst things that seemed to be under my skin on my chest, my groin and my legs. They were hard to the touch. There were some kind of "veins" between them and at certain angles or positions the water would run down through them with gravity. It looked a bit like fresh sausages when they are cooked and have fluid built up under the casing. I remember the light at this point was a dim and lightly blue-ish morning light.

      I asked H what it was and what it meant and more importantly, why it was going green on some bits (lower right belly) and H just said "then you lose" which made me panic and cry, at which point I quickly woke up.

      In the dream I had noticed them earlier and in the dream context of having just seen a doctor recently too. I wondered why I hadn't told the doctor about them. Maybe they weren't there at the time? This was all at the end of a long and odd dream.

      The preceding segment, I was with H at some guy's house. We were just loading up some cabinet "from the sound of music" or something into the van. Fairly dark wood, polygonal top, gold double trim along some edges, namely the top's sides. Was a bit like an end-table/cabinet. The guy who'd sold it to us had curly hair and fit some generic archetype of a musician. He commented something like "I hope you won't use it, and just store it safely in a bank", obviously still sentimental about it despite selling it. I thought to myself that there was no point in doing that, why had we bought it then. H didn't comment, I think.

      I had arrived on foot at this place, having expected to actually go home before I got here but for whatever reason I had come across H in the dark street just in front of this guy's house. H's van was on its left side and H had taken the roof off it somehow. Had a determined look and was moving some reel tape boxes on a shelf just behind the bulkhead. Gravity didn't seem right, like it was working in multiple directions at the same time. Didn't notice me for a while, but it was like I wasn't there either. Pre-lucid thoughts about how the van being like this was very dreamlike. The thoughts didn't cross the required threshold however and I didn't do any reality checks.

      Preceding that, I had been walking along streets of some version of the town we live in now. It was night time and wet, I can remember the reflection of red traffic lights on puddles. It may have been raining too while I walked. I remember the majority of my walking time I had been looking at Whatsapp on my phone. There were messages from H and loads from other people, but I promptly dismissed or ignored the ones from other people as I noticed them.

      When I started walking it was day time, sunny and dry. I remember there was this garden, belonging to a bad man. I felt like burning it down just before I'd left it. I walked across the little fields to get to the pavement and there were some odd roots or vines that had a planty mouth, and they shot chocolate ice cream or something across to the other side of the street. The little fields had vegetables planted, mostly carrots and turnips? But the root of the vegetables was very visible, not just the top of the plants.

      I got to this place after walking outside from another place where me and a bunch of other people were. Everyone had just found out that this man who owned these little garden/field things was a bad person, because of the testimony I gave them publicly, plus the testimony of two other people in the room. I was glad that they had spoken up. This indoors place was a bit like the fun centre at the mall near my old town. Odd lighting to the place.

      This man had apparently been building illegal mini race track things but there was something more insidious about him. I had just come down from an indoors ramp of sorts when a girl about my age confronted me about it, she had a worried look on her face. In the preceding segment I had been helping that man build this thing. But I stopped helping him as soon as he asked me to poop somewhere, as part of the building effort or something and to do something with it. I pretended to have no issue with this and just told him there was no way I could possibly just do it whenever I wanted and that I was fairly "irregular" anyway. I thought at this point of asking for the pay he'd promised but realised immediately he'd be a bastard, so I didn't and at that point I just wanted out of there and away from him.

      Finally, the earliest point in the dream I can remember was something about a forest and a sort of top down view. It was where I first noticed for myself these mini race track things, some floating over some kind of black abyss void.

      Dream Fragment:

      Something about Kaiju/Godzilla? Vague visual recall of some scenes where Godzilla was walking through a city.

      Dream Fragment:

      Some mini dream sequence about the automatic act of shaving. Probably caused by a lingering intent of wanting to do since yesterday.



      Notes:
      - When I woke up from the long dream, I was sweating, which is what typically has been happening when I get long and intense or vivid dreams.
      - The panic-type feelings stopped as soon as I woke up and didn't carry over into wakeful awareness. This wasn't what I'd consider a bad dream, just an odd one.
      - The things that were on my chest and etc. seemed like the symptom of something but I don't remember them being painful or anything.
      - There were several other dreams that I had fragments of, but I didn't make note of them and couldn't hold them through writing the rest of this.
    10. cvii.

      by , 04-01-2020 at 12:48 PM
      A particularly long dream. I had other dreams from earlier awakenings, but again I did not make any notes because of how tired I felt, it felt like too much effort. The other dreams weren't as vivid as the long one anyway.

      Edit: Self-memo: The original dream notes for this dream are not as extensive because I stopped writing them when I started writing this DJ entry to try and get as much detail from the lingering dream memories.



      Dream:

      Starting from the end back; when I was woken up by H placing their hand on my head and speaking to me in waking life, I was walking with some determination towards a parked yellow car in the distance, at an earlier location that was prominent in several parts of the dream earlier; beside the car were shows, yellow too and this was important to me in the dream for some reason. On waking up I had a slight annoyance that I couldn't get to them now that I was awake, but this lingering feeling passed quickly.

      This place was a distorted version of the area immediately outside my old home. It was day time, early morning with beautiful sunlight and the cul-de-sac was three or four times longer than it should be, somewhat wider too but not half as much as that. The whole area also sloped up gently on the more distorted side (the side that I never had much reason to be in). There was a zig-zag of pavement with cars parked along it, many of which were red or yellow, many being a mix of the two, like a VW type van which was mostly red but had a yellow boot door.

      I had just been at a door to a shop of some kind? I was with Ni and a kid from my childhood, but I don't remember exactly who it was, possibly P, short dark hair, spiky? At this door, Ni asked if my shoes could be painted yellow there and some voice or something decided "no". At this point in the dream or earlier I remember looking down and seeing I had some sort of fabric shoes, like those that we often used for indoor gym classes in my childhood. The shoes were white, as they would be, but for some reason, I had yellow sweat pants, the same tone of yellow as every other yellow that had shown up so far in other dream elements. I remember thinking the white and yellow matched fine, but for some reason this wasn't enough to stop me from wanting the shoes to be yellow too.

      Before we got to the shop and we were walking "up" the cul-de-sac, there was a more normal layout. There was a truck double-parking behind some cars, all too common, but it supposedly had dye or paint of the colour I wanted but it had been at this point that Ni and the other one appeared and "guided" me toward the door. I was a bit disappointed because I was sure the truck's paint would be fine, though after they appeared I got the impression maybe I was going to be stealing from the truck or something.

      Up to this point I had been running around and faffing about on the more prominent dream location immediately in front of my old building. It was like a room but not. There were sofas and other things typical of a living room I think, but there was this big group of kids, mostly teen girls and some teen boys. I was annoyed with them because of what they'd done before, and because they were being passive-aggressive to me now too. I was looking incessantly for a laptop that I knew I had left on a table in the middle of these sofas, but these teens had moved everything since I had last been here in the dream, everything was covered in their stuff; bags, coats, etc. I remember looking through many laptop-bag like bags but it wasn't in any of them. I even looked in a bag that had a multi-bag tag* to it. After looking in that bag I remember something about a text command which may have been why I couldn't find it, but at that point I got distracted by someone and then the whole yellow shoes thing began.

      Before that, I remember going through a wide hall, the exit for which was on the wall of the building and lead to that sofa area. The hall was dark, with an impression of night time to it despite being indoors. There were two of these teen girls doing some kind of work out on some bars on the ceiling, practically twisting themselves around the bars in some kind of pull-up exercise. They looked at me with mocking faces, I was very annoyed with them at this point already.

      Before that part, I remember being in a forest on the other side of this hallway-tunnel. I think I was heading toward it when I had tripped and the group of teens, who I was walking together with, started to kick me. The girls were especially mean, kicking me very hard and then when it was over I remember feeling like it was all going to bruise. I felt angry that they abused me as a group and I could see some sort of interface thing that showed me their avatars, their nicknames and how many times each of them kicked me. I told myself I was going to keep this to report them and to show at a hospital when I got there for treatment. At this point I was convinced I was going to go to a hospital, as soon as I could, because I was afraid of massive bruising over my body, especially my face and head. Maybe I was concerned about internal bleeding too or something. Although in the dream I don't remember pain as I would from waking life, I still had a dream perception of having been extensively hurt.

      Before this, I remember a fairly peaceful forest, day time, possibly afternoon judging by the yellowed colour of the light. It was a specific type of pine forest typical of my native country, the ground was dry I seem to remember, despite a number of ferns here and there or grass. There had been something about socks and the laptop at this early point of the dream but unfortunately I'm having difficulty recalling anything else; I have the feeling there was a transition of scene before this that put me in that forest, but I can't remember details before it.



      Notes:
      - When I was 8-10 is when I knew Ni and potentially some of these teens.
      - I remember at that age there was someone I knew from school who had some gold nike shoes or something. I remember liking the shoes, especially because of the gold colour, as I've always been partial to gold.
      - The main reason I can think of for the antagonism in the dream is because at school I had a very difficult time getting any of the girls from my classes to like me, even when I was being nice it'd often be the case that I was ridiculed, something that I think was partly driven by boys that these girls did like.
      - In the dream I think the yellow shoes thing was something about making a point.
      - Although the dream heavily featured things from my teen life (11-17 mostly), I didn't have the perception of being any younger than I am now; I think a lot of these types of situations in dreams for me are always with me being my current age because I don't particularly feel any different now than I did from 5, 10, 20 years ago, aside from my pain problems.
      - More of a passing thought: At school I was almost always the youngest in a class, or amongst the youngest. In my family I am the youngest too, and interestingly Ni (who basically tried helping me in the dream) is one of the younger ones in his family, too.
      - The contents of the bag that had the "multi-bag" tag were "quantic" and could be accessed from other bags too, a feature I've often used in modded Minecraft, incidentally a game I started playing in my late teens before it was even popular or had such extensive modding.

      Updated 04-01-2020 at 12:50 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes
    11. cv.

      by , 03-25-2020 at 12:17 PM
      Some non-lucid stuff that I can remember from this morning. Only made note of the first dream in my initial morning notes.




      Dream:


      I was with dad, I think at a mall. It was like the one close to home but it was different somehow, though I had the same sense of familiarity. We were walking through the large and bright halls and as we turned around a corner we stopped, because I spotted this shop that sold ice cream and other stuff, like some pastries typical of my country and cotton candy. I wanted some of these deep fried things they had, even though I didn't feel all that hungry. I think it was just because it's been so long I had any. Not sure what dad wanted, but ice cream I think.

      We approached the counter and two other people were being served. There were two guys behind the counter too, so I thought one of them was available and I pointed at something and asked about it. Before there was any reply, dad said "let the other people get served first" but for some reason, in the dream's context I had the ability to snap my fingers to toggle how busy the dream location was. Doing this had a completely intuitive feel. I did snap my right hand's fingers and the people being served simply disappeared, as did many other people walking by around us.

      Now I asked about the food thing again. He explained they were long deep fried "waffles". Some were flavoured banana, strawberry or vanilla, with the possibility of a crusty looking chocolate topping, although I think it was more like icing.

      I asked for one of the vanilla waffle things. While I was being handed my waffle and then tasting it, I think dad was getting something for himself. The taste was somewhat overly sweet, and bland at the same time (dream characteristic which didn't phase me), but it didn't taste of vanilla very much at all. My problem with the taste however, was the texture, as I was expecting something nice and crunchy, but it was completely soft. I felt disappointed and the few bites I took made me feel full really quickly anyway. I don't remember what I did with it and I don't remember either of us paying.

      Then we continued walking through the mall, but into a different section which wasn't as open or light. In fact it felt pretty dark despite there being lights on. We walked into a supermarket inside the mall and I remember wandering around looking for something, but I don't remember what anymore. Eventually, empty-handed I went to the checkout area. I'm not sure it was dad that was with me anymore at this point.

      But at the checkout there was a couple, they were buying a desktop computer oddly enough and they wanted help from an attendant because the computer "weighs 24kg and we can't carry it", I thought to myself that despite my weakness, this couple was just being pathetic or lazy. I did think about the effort of carrying it all the way to their car in the parking sub-levels, but I also thought it wasn't really fair to ask the attendant to do that.

      Then the man from the couple started being weird, handling the computer case with relative ease he swung it around and it hit the checkout counter, on which I was sat. For some reason I was just sat there and observing. As he did hit the counter with the case, the attendant didn't even flinch like she hadn't noticed. He did it again a few times, harder this time. Now the case was visibly damaged and warped. At first the damage seemed passable, but for whatever reason I was able to look inside; I quickly told them that the circuit boards were cracked because of the metal plates pushing in and that it was no good now. The man started being upset and demanding compensation or something. Again I didn't think this was fair and either I said or thought "you break it, you buy it". The attendant seemed to be handling it though, but it made me feel no respect for this man.

      There was a transition then. I don't remember where I was now, but I had some kind of interface. I could select worlds or something?

      Then I remember a cutscene of some kind, it was in space. I could see several planets in a star system, and before it happened I knew the star was about to explode, and it did, in a green supernova, the planets burning away in a green flame of sorts. Strangely enough in the dream it was like I already knew about this cutscene (but it's the first time I've seen/dreamt it) so I was using some camera control tools or something to see the scene from different angles than it would normally play through.

      I don't remember much else from this dream other than some vague memories of night sky and stars.

      Dream Fragment:


      At my old home, in my old room. I think what brought this dream on was some thoughts I had before bed about how my old room's balcony has never felt safe, and how I always fear mom may slip some day, or that I may somehow feel compelled to jump out of it (in madness or some other irrational state).

      It was a sort of night time, a twilight of some kind. I walked into the room a bit further and saw my sibling T in the balcony. He had a top on but was otherwise naked, this was odd and bothered me on some level but I ignored it and we talked about something. From the balcony, below, I could see my other sibling was arriving with S in a white smart car. Then the doorbell rang and I walked out of the room and went to answer it, I already knew it was going to be L and S but I still picked up the intercomm set and asked who it was. I felt like I was being like dad for doing this (even though I don't remember dad ever doing this type of thing). L replied at first and I asked "who?" because I couldn't understand, then S spoke and her voice made it clear who they were and I pressed the button to open the building door.

      Dream Fragment:

      Driving, or being driven? With H. Not sure what car, but the landscape and town was a mix of my native home areas and some other places. I enjoyed the view of the nearby mountains in the dream. I remember we went over a bridge or two and there were two towns next to each other. It was day time, but sort of dark despite everything looking bright? Like I was seeing everything through heavily tinted glass, but I don't think the car's glass was tinted at all.



      Notes:
      - Last night as I had the thoughts about my old room and the balcony, I did think that it might cause me to have a dream about it. It's a shame I didn't take the opportunity to think about becoming lucid should it happen, as there were plenty of cues in that dream that could have resulted in some state of lucidity, but didn't. Keeping intention of noticing dream signs seems particularly poor for me, but I really think my sleep quality doesn't help.
      - The thing with the dream-controlling finger snapping is typical of something my dad does in his non-lucid dreams too, so either that knowledge has created some kind of bias on me, or it's a trait that can be developed because of our personalities, or perhaps simply hereditary somehow. A point of note about it is that I play games a lot where "control" comes easily, so it may simply be a reflection of how there's a lot of self-agency in that type of context.
      - The pastry type thing I wanted from the shop was more like a churro or something, but the thing I was given didn't really look like one. I actually remember they had some churro looking things locked up in a clear plastic chest that was hung on a wall on the customer side of the counter. I remember feeling like asking about it but like it would be too much bother to get one.
    12. lxxxi.

      by , 02-09-2020 at 12:53 PM
      Some dream fragments. There was a third one but I have such a faint and vague memory of it, not even sure where I'd start. I practically lost the other ones while getting up but made sure to keep my eyes closed as much as possible until I could write here, which helped.




      Dream Fragment:


      I remember being at some sort of concrete structure. I'm not sure if I was "me" but a couple of other people were here too, I think one of them was that Torres guy from NCIS. This place was dark and there was a massive abyss right in front of us. Across this abyss was another flat area made of concrete and there were some soldiers there. They were holding us here or something and they shouted that we should stay put.

      The soldiers got on a platform and it started moving down very fast. They disappeared from sight. Somewhere down there was some light, but it must have been a literal mile or more away. Then some more soldiers appeared but this time they didn't wait for the platform and just jumped down where the platform shaft area was. I was intrigued but at some point in the dream I simply "knew" that at the bottom was a special fluid that would break any fall, no matter from how high.

      Torres like the idea of just jumping across and into that specific area. I felt it was too risky. It was a long way down and there was no way to aim ourselves properly and the gap between the two concrete areas was quite wide. But he got on some sort of pole hanging from our side and got closer to the other side, hanging just over the middle. Then some soldiers came back up on the platform and noticed. They started shouting at him and warning him to stop. He ignored them and now he grabbed onto some rope that was hanging from the ceiling. That's as much as I remember clearly for this fragment.

      I do remember there were no light sources. We were very deep underground most certainly, but somehow we had a light radius of our own, like in RPGs where the characters just give off light...

      Dream Fragment:

      I don't remember how I got there but I arrived at a small lab/office place. This dream was somewhat vivid, more than the other one. There were two researchers, wearing labcoats, and one of them greeted me. He seemed a bit uninterested at first but then he saw my boots. They were covered in some sort of pale golden sand. I realised I hadn't noticed this myself until that moment and he became very interested. He went over to a counter and showed me some tins with rounded caps.

      The caps were all a shade of gold or tan. He asked me to see which one I thought was closest. I selected four of the tins first just as a guess. Then I held them and made their coloured cap be over my right boot in my vision. The first wasn't it, too orange. The second and third one seemed similar, the fourth one was too dark but the right hue. I compared between the second and third against the sand and decided the third one was the closest. He seemed happy with this and I felt somewhat happy to help. I made a comment saying "well at least I can definitely tell that my skill at recognising shades correctly has improved". I genuinely felt this was true in that moment and realise now that it was indeed a very accurate test of my skill in this.

      The other researcher was just doing something on his own over on another counter but I don't remember what. Oddly enough, despite looking at my feet, can't be certain what the floor was like. Some sort of plastic tiles? Maybe wood. But square shapes. The counters were an off white on the top and a light stained wood on the cabinets. There were a couple of windows to the outside and I made note of the fact that it was daytime outside, but the room was quite brightly lit anyway with some fluorescent lamps that actually gave off a warm colour for once.

      This whole dream bit felt like it was in sequence of the previous one or another one between them.



      Side notes:

      - It could possibly be the first time while dreaming where I had to use a skill that I'd use for painting in waking life. For me this is a particularly good sign because for a long time I've wanted that context to come over into dreams in some form.
      - The researchers wearing labcoats were clearly dreamsigns that I missed. The labcoat is a dreamsign I successfully managed to insert into my dreams as a dreamsign a while back, I think last year or the year before.
      - The dust on my boots reminded me very much of gold powder in the dream. In the dream I had a much clearer notion of where I had been previously, which was relevant for that context.
      - Despite looking at my boots and remembering them very clearly as the black leather army-type boots I have in waking life, I only vaguely remember my trousers and can't really say which ones they were. It seems odd that my boots are the only detail I remember clearly from looking down, despite the fact that in the dream everything was the same level of vividness.
      - I do remember I was wearing some sort of dark hoodie in that dream. I remember it because I remember the sensation of having the sleeves pulled up, something I often do if I'm indoors.
      - Don't have much at all to make note of from the first dream since many details are vague now, but the fall-breaking fluid definitely made me think of stuff from Portal and from Satisfactory.
    13. lxxix.

      by , 02-07-2020 at 01:28 AM
      Recorded the majority of these dreams early on in a vague form on my phone on waking up. Had to go somewhere in the car; while I was waiting in the car for an hour, typed everything out in more detail, which I'm now putting on the DJ here.


      First Dream (Some detail missing):

      Fairly long dream. Can’t remember the start now but I would recurringly go for a swim with H but also alone. When I started, I felt weak and slow. I can’t remember the water's temperature.

      We were on some sort of cruise ship but it was mostly empty, and I don’t think it was ever moving. I started to become strong at swimming, when I was back on the decks I can remember feeling like I my chest was sort of almost puffing out from all the swimming workout.

      At some point I was walking down some wooden decking stairs and I could see my parents lounging on some patio type chairs on a higher level. I could hear dad make some sort of mock bird call. I remember then seeing some birds. Seagulls? Dad laughed. H asked from some place below, “is that your dad?” I said yes and then remember continuing down the stairs and losing sight of them.

      It was daytime for most of this dream but I made note of the fact that it was sort of cloudy and grey. I remember a horizon of water. It may have been windy but I don’t remember the sound of it.

      I remember a few times I’d take my boots off, but at no point do I remember what I was wearing.

      When I went swimming, after a short while I’d usually arrive at this sea floor base of some kind. This place did have a lot of people. I remember lockers, the inside of this place almost felt like some swimming pool changing rooms but with a more modern and futuristic feel to it, a bit more like the base from Ocean Girl or the sea city from Bioshock.

      Before this dream or through the middle of it, I was stuck in some sort of void like limbo with H for a time. It was like being in an out of control perpetual fall, and there was a strange light and distant but dark cosmic background. This void was filled with ancient structures and artefacts from unknown civilisations, a lot of the stuff looking like it was from some sort of classic period.

      I remember interacting with some walls and pillars from a distance, with some kind of telekinetic ability, and cutting them up into smaller chunks. As I did their lighting would change, usually to some dramatic purples and yellows.

      At some nearer the “end” of the cruise ship segments I went into this too, to have a wee, but there were no toilets. In the dream my mind was telling me that there were some type of urinals but there was nothing on walls or anything like toilets. Instead there were some tables. I walked past a clear plastic box filled with what looked like cheap and brightly coloured electronic components.

      At the tables were some big circuit boards with several components already soldered on, including some transformers. For whatever reason I had to have a wee on these boards, but I remember someone telling me I could only wee on the electrolytic capacitors... I remember doing it, but on a big black electrolytic cap, and then some guy appeared, who apparently owned all this stuff and told me off just for weeing on the big one. He was annoyed but not angry or shouting.

      Then I remember going out of that room after a short dialogue. I went some stone stairs, in a wide spiral. It reminded me of castles and churches. There were a few murderhole windows where daylight shun from. This was a different place, it was puzzle like. As I reached some kind of landing I immediately realised that the structure was like in some games like Legend of Zelda and some modern puzzles where the paths loop back into themselves, but I could get around the issue of looping paths by taking them whilst walking backwards.

      I remember a crawl space path where the same would happen and there were statues and displays scattered about like some museum. There was a warm artificial mood light and everything had a sort of modern feel to it in the areas with displays.

      Second Dream (Fragment):

      A different dream. I was born out of a big egg, looked mostly like a birds egg but was covered in a polka dot pattern on the outside. A sort of magenta colour to the dots.

      There was some old man in this dream and I remember telling him we all had stomachs made from tin and gold. When I told him there was also sulfuric acid in there, he was incredulous.

      Third Dream? (Fragment) NSFW:

      A still image, as if on a computer, no doubt from a transition phase into wakefulness,
      Spoiler for NSFW:
      One of the stranger things I might draw from time to time. But unusual for this type of thing to appear whilst still sort of in the dreaming context.



      Notes:

      ⁃ Almost immediately after waking up I realised I probably had the swimming and diving dream because I spent so much of last night reading stuff on Dreamviews. It made me feel like the water was representative of dreaming in itself.
      ⁃ When I was reading stuff last night I had some thoughts about symbology, mostly because of the topics but I think also because of something I’d said/posted. I feel this is probably why the dream ended up being so metaphorical.
      ⁃ I ended up taking the whole swimming and diving experience, which in the dream made me stronger, as a sign that I may be making some progress again with dreaming. There was just a sort of clear association in my head when I woke up that all of this was a metaphor for how I was doing lately.
      ⁃ The void filled with artefacts etc. also felt relevant in that context because it seemed like a collection of lost and unknown culture.
      ⁃ This void was very similar to the Chthonic voids found in Grim Dawn, probably because I was also playing that a bit last night.
    14. lxxvii.

      by , 02-04-2020 at 12:17 PM
      None of these dreams are complete in detail. Transitions are missing and a lot of them had beginnings that I simply can't recall now. It took me over 15 minutes from getting up from bed to write any of these down here because of difficulty getting up and slightly different morning routine.



      Dream Fragment:


      Very short fragment. There's a brand new office building of some kind. It has an odd shape, has a very 80s,90s feel to it for me. Then someone has apparently ordered some sort of bespoke building plating. A woman, I think, she's very happy about it and goes "yeah, instant bunker baby!" or something like that. The somewhat thin metal plating is plaited and somehow unfolds itself around the building and fits perfectly over every single side. I remember walking around it to see or something.

      The woman then throws a bomb right at the brand new plating. It makes a small explosion, no more than a few yards in radius and doesn't break anything off, but some cracks appear on the plating and underneath it. Despite the fact that the plating is metal, it looks translucent and is a dark tan. I find it curious but don't spend too much time thinking about it. (Years ago I had some translucent plastic spoons that had an electro-plated metal finish of some sort, which gave them a translucent metallic look. The dark tan is familiar from a number of tinted glasses I remember seeing in buildings I visited in the 90s.)

      Anyway, she's really disappointed now, asking how could the small blast get through like that. She insisted it was supposed to be virtually indestructible but then some sort of interface overlay appeared in my vision as if in a game and I inspected the plating and it had a little icon that when inspected stated "Highly Resistant Material". I felt she had hyped herself into believing this plating was more durable than it actually was. I remember passing thoughts of how nothing is indestructible.

      Dream Fragment:

      In some sort of classroom. Me and someone else, maybe H, are there first with the teacher. The teacher doesn't look much older than us and she seems familiar somehow now, but is purely a dream character. Possibly an anima-type construct. There's a chalkboard. There are small metal-legged, chipboard tables, covered with plastic veneer. The setting is very familiar from my childhood. Somehow I don't remember the chairs exactly, but they were probably fibreglass ones.

      The room feels dark, but it seems to be day outside. Only a small amount of light gets in from some windows. We are at some table over by the far right end corner of the room.

      Then some students arrive. I don't have any thoughts about it in the dream, but realise now that they were former classmates from when I was around 12-15. The lights are on now, I think. I remember turning back to my left and looking at someone else and then approaching for some reason. To get something of mine that was borrowed? Not sure. But then I go over to another table, more crowded, surrounded by a group, and there I grab something, but somehow my way is now blocked and instead of asking for room to get past, I crawl under the table. At this point I notice somewhat clearly that I'm wearing a hoody, a cream coloured one, that I probably would have worn back then but still have now; but I felt the age I am now.

      I crawled out from under the side of this group table, somehow not getting kicked at all even by accident.

      The rest of the dream's detail is missing.

      Dream Fragment:

      Me and H were at home, in the kitchen. The room seemed bigger than it actually is, including the ceiling height, which in reality is already over two people's height combined. The lights were on and the curtain roll was down on the window.

      I don't remember what we were doing when suddenly we were stepping into the hallway for a bit and lights started flickering, out of sync with each other. They'd go really dim or completely out. H was really confused by this and I was finding it odd. We didn't have any high-power things on. One of the lights started making a loud repeating clicking noise, I think the fluorescent light in the kitchen or some other fluorescent light that doesn't actually exist. But in my mind at that point I thought it was a relay for whatever reason.

      I told H to try and find out what was going on, as I was getting worried the clicking noise was actually something shorting out and sparking. He told me to turn everything off, so I went to the electric trips board and (impossibly) moved it into the middle of the kitchen, where I had a look at it with some light. I forced the RCD to trip and that turned mostly everything off except one light somewhere and H was disappointed but came over and I told H to see for himself what he wanted to do. He flicked some other trips and then everything was completely off.

      Then there was some knocking at the door. We were finding this all very odd and I couldn't imagine who it was. I was about to answer the door but tentatively waited. I saw through the front room window ( in the dream more like a mini conservatory thing than the flat windowed wall of reality) a man going to next door's and knocking there. The neighbours answered and had a little chat with him, and he was saying how he was sick of all these electrical noises he kept hearing on and on for days coming from someone else's house. I thought to myself "I couldn't agree more" or something to that effect.

      The man looked like Haymitch from the Hunger Games, but fatter and somewhat older. In the dream I realised he was one of the neighbours further to the left, past our direct neighbour on the left. It seemed to be daytime but rather desaturated and gloomy outside.

      I think I told H about what I saw and then wondered who the hell was causing all this. I forget the rest of the dream.

      Dream Fragment:

      At a church, not sure who else is there exactly but Fry from Futurama was there. He was saying random things and somehow the congregation was loving him and he was getting ordained. I remember him saying "W-what? I'm not even trying to be nice at this point!", clearly upset that despite some purposefully obnoxious actions he was still being praised, when it wasn't at all what he wanted.

      Remember little from this dream except that the visuals were all a bit odd, like my head was hanging low. I remember there was a pipe organ in this church.



      No side notes, but made some notes in-line with the dream content.
    15. lxxv.

      by , 02-02-2020 at 01:46 PM
      Kind of a single long dream, but some bits are missing.


      Dream:

      The first part of the dream I can remember was at a somewhat accurate layout of the cul-de-sac in front of my old home. I was sitting in the driver seat of a car, which I think was my dad's car, as some of the interior felt familiar. But I had the window fully down and was sort of resting my arms against it and looking out. It was a sunny day, probably past 3PM but not sure what season. First half of the year, I think.

      Where my building door was supposed to be was actually this entrance into some sort of church, but not a church, as there was a machine there like a manually operated computer, and there was a group of people running it. I think I had been in there previously in the dream, or I just "saw" this somehow. But then there was an oddity about this machine, it could be switched off by literally anyone who walked past it, as there was a button labelled "STOP" and another "EMERGENCY STOP". They both did the exact same thing. I think I remember I had asked someone why, and they couldn't explain it to me.

      Then, while I'm in the car, some black guys show up. I realise better what position the car was in, sort of blocking in the entrance of the cul-de-sac a bit. These guys smile at me, I smile back, but I immediately know that they are there for something. They sort of huddle up around one side of the car, sort of hiding from view from where the machine place was. They look at me worried and I say nothing, quietly watching with some amusement, I'm curious what they have planned.

      This one guy stops trying to hide and just walks straight up to the place. I can see that he hits that stop button out of amusement for himself and the people running the machine get annoyed and make audible grunts, but seemingly don't even pay attention to the guy. I don't remember what else he did in there, but he comes back near the car and he has this piece of jewellery, I can't remember exactly what, but somehow I immediately know it's sort of stolen or something.

      Then a different guy gets up and goes in and a bit later comes out with something similar. I think this happens a couple more times and I remember the last piece of jewellery, a silver necklace. It reminds me of a necklace H has, but only the chain was similar.

      I remember getting into some small talk with the guys and then saying I had to go. I think I drive away and they disband, but I don't remember how it transitions into the next part exactly. But I remember my thoughts stayed on the "stolen items" for a bit.

      Then I'm walking down an unknown dream park with two people. One of them is H's sister (A), but I'm not sure who the other person is, some guy, around my age, but a friend of mine, not A's friend.

      It's night time and there is plenty of green vegetation and everything's slightly wet. Sprinklers had been on, as it isn't raining and I don't get the impression it had been. There are paths through this hilly park and the path we're on takes sort of long curves around some well mowed lawn-like fields, well lit by strong cool lights.

      As we're walking this path on the left-hand side there's a hedge going all the way along the curve and on the right-hand side there's this man on a short two-sided ladder. I don't look up to see what he's doing, but all of a sudden sparks and arcs of electricity go everywhere. Somehow I'm not surprised or worried, and neither is anyone else. Moments after I'd walked past, I pause, looking back. A is sort of looking closely at the ladder and some cables, which I somehow think of as being a bit foolish considering the electricity, so I think I motion for her to carry on.

      We arrive somewhere and there's some kind of transition. I lose any awareness of A and the mystery friend.

      I'm now at a place that closely resembles my high school, or college. But the lights are sort of dim and moody. It was still night outside. All of a sudden I find myself in the middle of a group of random people, of all ages really. And then I'm lying down, between this girl my age on the left and this old woman on the right. They're both lying down too but sort of sitting. There's a cover over my legs and this girl on the left.

      People are mostly just idling around and there are some paintings on the walls. I look closely at some, finding myself annoyed that I know some of them and that they've been there for an eternity, half thinking to myself "why can't one of mine be there?". The thought passes quickly and I look at another painting that catches my attention and I quite like. Somehow this makes many other people look at it too and start discussing it.

      My attention fades away from it and this girl on my left starts touching my private areas; I don't realise it's her doing it at first. I realise that both me and her didn't have pants or underwear on. For a moment I wonder if H was touching me in waking reality but the thought doesn't go past being somewhat automatic. I enjoy her touch but start to wonder why she's touching me like this. I assume that she wants the same so I move one of my hands to touch her in the same areas and this seems to completely surprise her, despite whatever pleasure she felt. I get the impression she is embarrassed now and she sort of gets up and dresses herself and leaves.

      The old woman on the right makes some comments, the last bit of which I vaguely remember. "It's not easy making money that way, you know." the old woman says. I reply: "No, I didn't think so either."

      Then I am left with some lingering thoughts of why she would try to make money in such a way, and why she left, but the rest of my dream recall sort of ends here.


      Notes:
      • In the third and final part of the dream, there was a fair bit of conversation between everyone and myself and other dream characters, but as I try to recall the dream I can only mostly remember silence.
      • The group of black guys in the first part of the dream were nobody I recognised, though they reminded me of friends I used to have when I was younger. I have had a few recurring appearances of those groups of friends and I felt it was somewhat familiar, especially because of the dream's location, which is where they typically appear in my dreams.
      • I think the jewellery was actually coming from some sort of replicating machine in the same place as the manually-run computer thing, but my memory of it is extremely vague.
      • The stone hall where that computer thing was, really wasn't very different from the actual entrance hall of my old building. It was sort of just super elongated and wider.
      • I have no idea now who the friend was with me and A. I don't recognise the face and seems to just be a generic construct of "male friend".
      • The girl touching me in the final part of the dream didn't tell me her name and somehow in the dream I felt the expectation that she would have done, especially before leaving. Although I remember her hair as being somewhat long and curly and dark, I got the impression there was something about her that was "redhead" or that the word "red" was somehow associated with her as a character.
      • The old woman in the same part had some sort of old-style blue dress, and reminded me a bit of a cartoon character in some way. Her hair was a perfect white and tied up in a sort of bun. What little I can remember of her face is that she looked youthful for how old it sounded like she was.
      • The appearance of both these sort of contrasting female figures is not without some personal meaning to me; it's the sort of thing I sometimes wonder about, especially if I'm working on some art piece involving nude human figure- the old woman was young like us at some point and so wasn't at all phased by what was happening. I often wonder how I will see this type of situation when I'm much older myself, or how I'll feel about it.
      • Nearly forgot to add this note: The odd mood lighting (sort of an orange-y red/purple) in the last part of the dream was incredibly similar to that of another strange dream I had some time back. I can't remember if I did have any thoughts about it during the dream.

      Updated 02-02-2020 at 03:11 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes
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