Vesterguard

05/07/2015

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

“Consulting on the Nuclear Power plant – picking up my new car – TotM”

I am sat in a meeting with my new work-group, or rather I am sat with them and I am suspecting we have a meeting sometime shortly. It is at the beginning of the day and I am just hovering around really, I have other places I need to be in connection with my other project – which concerns youth and alcohol use (which is an actual IRL project I am working on) . However I have a feeling that I need to stick around for a bit as if I am expected to stay there.

Eventually the leader of the project comes around, she is a darkish haired short woman, who is pretty and American or English I believe. I tell her that I am excited to be connected with the project (though I frequently experience a sense of weirdness for participating in a project for constructing a nuclear power plant, which is never really fully conscious and I don't verbalise it) . She smiles at me and asks if I know how to handle Sheila (a IRL colleague of mine, who is apparently also on this project) . At this point we are walking outside the office in a courtyard of grey concrete in the early hours of the day, there is a lot of columns around forming small walkways – it reminds me of the style of construction associated with my old primary school. As she is asking about Sheila we sort of move into the office, without really moving, but rather being moved, or the building starts encompassing us.

Inside I see Maria has appeared (an old colleague from my time in England) who is also on the project. She is saying that she is excited to be on a project where “patriarchalism” (the meaning is feminism/social constructionism in the dream) is employed and that she sees that rarely. I replay “oh really? - I haven't been on anything else but these approaches, maybe it is because people preparing to become clinicians never really take this road?” She concurs a bit and throw me a smile, showing a lot of gingiva and then looks away towards either Caidee or the project leader.

While she does this I get a lot of spreadsheets appearing in front of my eyes. They are interview questions and are getting closed down one by one. The first being closed is the most recent and contains a lot of questions and the more that gets closed down the more questions disappear. I can't really see the questions, but there is a picture of a black female student in the top right hand corner and I see her name is Caidee. I instantaneously know that she is a student helper and she has been involved with constructing the interview guide from the start.

When these spreadsheets are all closed down we are starting to sit down by the table. I am getting anxious at this point because I think we are getting ready for the meeting and I thought the meeting wouldn't be till this afternoon. I take off my trousers under the table and look down at my blueish boxer shorts. I am briefly aware of the embarrassing nature of showing legs and start looking for my sweat pants – I don't know if I ever find them, but I start wearing them regardless – I then look under the table and see my red shorts lying under there. I am surprised as I don't remember wearing these, but I pick them up nonetheless and stand up and look at the table. I see now that Sheila has appeared so I go and sit next to her. I don't know if I will be able to persuade her in anyway or get to know her position in the project as the leader has told me about – in fact I am not even sure what I am supposed to do, but I sit down anyway.

I ask about whether we have a meeting already now and I am told that we do indeed and that it is a weekly thing as well. I mull this over a bit until from behind me Christina appears (Old school/class mate) and tell me that she has received the keys from Saab and that they will be here with my car shortly. It surprise me a little seeing as I am not yet in a financially stable position and I don't know why I have already bought a car, but I think little else of it as it was part of the plan. So I grab the keys, which is a massive bundle, with a couple of car keys and 8-10 other keys and I wonder why there are so many.

I start walking down the hallway towards the entrance and Bjarne (Old friend from childhood/adolescence) and Rasmus (Old school/class mate) appear along the way and talk to me, I can't recall exactly what they say, but it seems taunting or mocking. I get to the end of the hall and enter the lift I notice the button (yes there is only one and that isn't weird! ) is slightly broken, but I press it anyway and I soon find myself outside in the school car park, that is vast and fenced in with wire mesh – and seems more like a car park belonging to a large shopping centre than a school and there is a lot of traffic.

I stand around looking at the cars driving in. There seems to be a lot of black mega trucks or hummers and I know that this probably isn't mine. I can't remember which kind of car I bought, though when a couple of silver grey smaller station cars and smart type cars start entering I get a feeling that my car is definitely silver grey, though I am still unsure about the type, but having a feeling that it isn't one of the completely little ones. A couple of grey cars enter the car park and turn towards me and park. After this a massive black hummer truck pulls in (which I think look a bit weird, but after googling “hummer truck” this morning I found a picture that looks exactly like the one)

hummer truck Photo #06

I start getting bored so I decide to jump on the bonnet of the cars parked making a neat little run/jumping course – and I am thoroughly satisfied with the sounds and feel of pressing down the metal as I jump. I start out with just common SUVs but I eventually land on a Porsche – which for some reason is covered in a fine layer of snow – and the car following that just before the massive hummer truck as a black Lamborghini, which stops me in my tracks as it is so low that I can't possibly get up on the truck – also I am quite surprised to see 2 such expensive cars parked next to each other as Denmark isn't a cheap place to buy a car.

I move around and jump maybe 3-4 cars more before I think to myself “This is something I would do if I were dreaming”. So I look up and it all seems pretty normal, but I decide to do a reality check nonetheless. So I move my hands slightly to the sides and let myself hover above the rooftops of the cars.

Realising I am lucid I start taking to the skys, which is a habitual thought and I quickly realise that I have more important stuff to do than goof around. So I let myself drop out of flight and land on the ground again and when I do I find myself on the side walk outside the wire mesh.

I start walking up the side walk and start looking at my hands. The first basic task is my mission and I have already planned how this one is to unfold. I am somewhat excited though as I have never actually made something appear before my eyes. But I recall the visualisation of making a seed of light appear in my hand – a seed of love and light which I intend to plant in my chest and watch how it grows inside my body – while watching my hands (It is fascinating to think that within the dream world a mental visualisation appears phenomenologically similar to how it would in the waking world, as a sort of translucent image appearing in a distinct mental space – which one could easily hypothesise being occupied by running the “world simulation” that is the dream) To start out with not much is happening in my palm which is outstretched palms towards the sky. I see my fingers in a somewhat illuminated light and start focusing. Eventually I see a bright, but tiny dot of light in the middle of my palm and as I am watching it, it grows to the size of a water drop that is perfectly spherical. As I look at it it continues to grow and spikes and sparks start appearing around it leaving a distinct burning sensation in my hand as tiny specks of fire and ice are bombarding the surface of my skin.

Soon a gust of wind appears and rips the seed from my hands and I panic and jumps after it. It lands in a corner where there is some grass, but I manage to find it rather quickly. I then go all the way into the corner to avoid getting disturbed by the wind again. I take a look at the seed, my hand still being illuminated by light that reminds me of dawn. There is no pain any longer and I think of the seed representing compassion and love, as I press it into my chest. I don't feel it entering and nothing abrupt happens. I turn my focus and visual capacity towards the inside of my body and I get a view of the inside of my shoulder, but not much more, and the bright lines of light I expected aren't really there. What is worse is as I am focusing my attention like this I sense the dream world destabilising – so I start focusing outwards. At this point the dream is gone, but I am armed with patience – I have experienced this before, I maintain my focus directed outwards – although I am also aware that it would be irritating only starting half of the TotM task and not see it to fruition (literally . (In previous dreams over the years experiencing this sensation would normally have led me to feeling disappointed and accepting the disappearance of the dream. However in one of the first lucid experiences since Ayahuasca the same thing happened – the visuals faded and I was left with nothing but internal and auditory stimuli – but here I just decided to wait instead of waking up and soon after I was pulled back into the dream world, albeit in a different spot than when I left)

I get flashes of a white rugged wall, it is plastered and I reach out to touch it and I sense it with my fingertips, but only very briefly. I start sensing the light of dawn characteristic of the dream world I was just in and I feel myself pulled back in. SWEET! I am back on the side walk and I decide to not focus more on the seed, I had already thought about the fact that it might take longer to grow than within a single dream – planting compassion and love in my own heart will still be an interesting theme to watch unfold over time.

So I start walking up the side walk to find a tree. I am however conscious that I would prefer finding a tree surrounded by nature, but looking around and having no experience with teleportation or portals I think I will have to settle for one of the trees by the side of the road.

I find a tree not far away, it is a very short tree and the trunk of it is very strange in that it narrows a lot towards the top, almost needle shaped. I place my hand on the tree and it feels chilly, not cold to the touch and I can feel the texture of the bark against my fingers, very authentic. I notice a curved line heading diagonally up from bottom left to top right on a point on the trunk. There is some dark green slime around the line and I wonder if the tree is forming a mouth. The slime should look unpleasant, but it doesn't – in fact it seems rather natural. I look away and at the tree again and the line has widened, though also thinned out a bit. The point is the changes to the line isn't gradual but jolty.

I think I look at the tree a couple of times more watching the line change, but it still isn't speaking to me and as I am about to give up hope and look away I hear a deep bassy rumble emanating from the tree.

“You cannot, help me – even with your flatter and good intentions.”
Astonished I turn around and face it.
“but I can help you” it says.
“How?” I ask as respectfully as I can muster, which isn't difficult as I feel very humble even towards this young tree standing amidst the concrete.
“We trees see things humans aren't equipped to see” it continues.
“Amongst our roots we keep closed the gates of hell”
“Humans aren't prepared to see this – they would freak out – but we trees have watched this for ever.”
(I have taken some artistic liberties with the sentences, for which I don't recall all of them exactly, though they were perfectly linguistic, which excited me – though the meaning of the words is represented exactly as they should be. I felt it more important to convey the intelligence, wisdom and almost all encompassing and physical presence of the tree's intentions directed at me)

I thank the tree and wonder exactly how that is a help to me, not negating it – the message felt important to me, but I think I might not be able to fully grasp it yet. (upon awakening I got the feeling that the tree was trying to help me with one of the TotY – visiting the underworld, though I am unsure if there isn't a deeper more personal/spiritual message enclosed within as well). I take off into flight thinking I have done enough tasks for now, wanting to relax a little – after briefly considering doing the painting task, but giving up cause I don't feel like finding a painting at this point. However I then again think I might not have completed the basic seed task as I haven't seen anything grow yet – I quickly glance inside my body again, but don't really see anything – more a sort of translucent view of my shoulder again. And look outwards. The skies are tuning dark and I land on a rooftop covered with old roof platings. There is a lot of moss growing on the platings and I think it might be a good idea to conjure up more of aforementioned seeds so I start doing that.

The seeds seem more vigorous and self determined than before and start flying out of my hand spinning, when they have reached an appropriate size. I still feel the burns of the sparks and ice shards. One of the seeds actually jump up the slope of the roof and enter a crack between one of the platings under a ventilation hood.

I stop producing seeds and just look at the crack and wonder if there is enough soil and nutrients for the seed to grow. After a little while slowly a thin rolled up green leaf appears from under the crack and as I continue to observe the growth I see a sort of elongated cabbage shape take form along with branches with leaves growing out of the new little plant. It also starts forming a flower and end up looking like a mixture between an orchid and a cabbage. As I watch this unfold the dream starts fading and I wake up.

25-08-11 I am at a home office, belonging to my mum and I don't think my dad lives there any more. I really need to take a whiz.

I look in the cupboard to see if the bowl is there though I can't find it, I have a moment of thinking “why is it we don't have a toilet?”.

Ah well I might as well use the floor then, that is probably where it would go anyway. I start pissing on the floor. I have to pee, like a lot and it keeps coming.

While I am peeing I try running around finding some towels, kitchen towels and paper to soak it all up with. I manage to find quite a few of these, but.. I have to pee, like a lot and it keeps coming.

When I am done my sister walks into the kitchen and grabs something from the fridge, there is an open door between us and I am worried she will see what I have just done.

I talk to her about why she is up, she replies she has been asleep for about 8 hours (I worry if she is done sleeping) but also that she isn't done yet. She turns around and walk back, she has a massive smile on her face, and she looks like she has been exercising, as her face is all red.

I grab all the towels and put them under the desk (looks like the desk my dad made for me when I was living at home before moving to England). There is still a towel that I have put on a stack of papers and the A4 paper is now soaked as well. Besides this the urine is now starting to run down the side of this stack and into the printer, luckily it is an old printer not in use.

I wake up, check myself, experience a brief “phew, close one” moment and hit the john.
…

I am in a counter strike setting, me and my team mates are waiting in a harbour office building or something similar for the gates to open. When hey do hell breaks loose and shots are exchanged.

Should think the setting is at the docks, late afternoon though I don't see much outside the office I do see containers though.

Skip.

I come to myself still in the building, the gate is closed (if the gate is still even there). I walk around and run into a rather large man (not fat, but rather NFL potential build), he is of the enemy team so I pull out a falchion (think it is the closest description, it is a sword that curves like a mother fucker).

He pulls out a small knife of about 3-4 inches maybe.

I pull another falchion and start swinging at him. He dodges, sort of, I mean it looks like he is standing still, but he sorta doesn't stand still either.

After a bit of this he grabs my arm, turns me around and disarm the sword of that hand. I am at that moment completely at his mercy. He grabs the sword I have dropped and swing it over my arm that he is holding.

He doesn't actually hit me with it, but the motions he is making are blurry (that fast), and would have wrecked my arm had he followed through on the silent threat.

He lets me go and I panic.

I run back through a door with a code lock. The door is open and then take a left to get back to the room I started in. I can see the door is open as the one I have just run through, but the man now runs out the door and blocks my escape.

He tells me that the windows in the building are unbreakable and that there is no way out for me.

I dash for the window straight in front of me, though I know the windows are unbreakable I can't give up without trying to get away.

I leap and jump towards the window, I pull up my feet in order to kick the glass out and I hit a sensation of what might as well be the concrete floor I just left.

I know my fate is sealed.

I wake up.
…

I am in school, more specifically a selected course of the university (I am supposed to take one this semester). The room looks like the top room of Falck in Hornslet.

My teacher is Søren Pilmark and he is an ass.

First off I haven't read what I was supposed to, which doesn't really bother me as I have had no way of knowing what it was. The teacher doesn't seem to care and is talking harshly to us all.

A class mate asks if he will develop an application that will help with the learning. He tells him that he doesn't care much and that he would rather be with his family.

Skip.

I bitch and whine about this silly teacher of ours to someone. I also mention that it is “That actor dude..”
…

I am at a race, not an ordinary race, but a race nonetheless. It happens in a cave and there are multiple finishing points. Yellow, blue, green, red etc.

The aim is simple, get to the finishing point as quickly as possible. There is a twist though.

For every goal there is a direct route of average challenge, this route is marked from the start so everyone knows about it.

The goal is decided by a faerie (I think). So there are a lot of people waiting at the starting area and awaiting the words of the fae.

“Green!” And people start rushing off to the green tunnel, except a rather smallish blonde girl (she has long blonde hair, and she heads for the yellow tunnel. I am hovering above her at this time looking at what she is doing.

She is ascending a steep narrow grassy hill and at one point she has to crawl down and use her arms to get upwards. At this part of the track there are houses and portals(?) on either side of the pathway.

She gets to the top and then falls back and let herself fall into the portal on the left hand side. I follow and we are pretty much right at the goal.

I think she goes in and wins it and none of the other competitors are anywhere near. I try and get an overlook of the tunnel system up, but the only thing I manage to figure out is that the original route is wicked long compared to what she just did.

There are multiple portals in this room and there are two guardians guarding the goal or something. One of them starts making it's way towards the girl.

It looks like predator, though it has something on the back of its skull, missing all the “tentacle hair” always associated with them. Besides this its head is much smaller and it doesn't seem to posses quite as threatening physique. It is wearing a white robe or similar.

I jump up to it, I get the feeling that I could take it if it came to a fight, but I try cunning instead. I have for the past couple of moments looked at my experience sheet, and I am positive it says I have “38900” (or close thereto) out of the same number, or in other words I am at the exact level up point only need a bit more.

I ask the guardian if I can quickly show my sister my experience sheet before they continue fighting. Unexpectedly the guardian agrees and waits. I say, “Hey look at my experience!” and then I see that I am actually 1000 short “Ahhh”, I tell the guardian, “I thought I was actually at the level up number”.

Then I ask him if there is a place we can go and kill some monsters so I can get the last bit I need. He agrees and escorts me into a toilet and explains where the different monsters hang out.

I think to myself I could just kill this one, but he is actually rather helpful and likable, plus it would just be lame to sucker punch him when he is only trying to help.
…

Speaking to someone if they are bound in the same way to words as the Sidhe.
…

Something about 50 cent or U-turn in a golf cart not being happy with my admission to the school, might not have been a legal arrangement.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

17/11/10 I decided to go back to bed anyways and managed to sneak in another lucid. Albeit an extremely non-productive and boring one. I was in some sort of public institution and my intuition told me it was educational, like a university or high school and I was lucid pretty much from the word go (I was sleeping very lightly at all times and the build-up of the dream reminded me, sans the conscious awareness prior to the dream, of a WILD experience in the beginning, the way the scene went from randomly organised images gradually towards an integrated scene with plot.)

A few friends and I were heading down the hall towards a concert. I didn't really feel like I had the energy to start taking full control of the dream and I feared I would wake up if I attempted it so I only made minor adjustments, like jumping from table to table a bit long. I even did try flying but had no success, although I did manage to at one point follow along running on the walls of the lower level of the tunnel. It wasn't gravity alteration it was more me keeping a telekinetic pressure towards the ground to keep me in position. I sort of just decided to go with the plot and see what would happen, and as we got to the concert it turned out that it was a Nik and Jay event... groovy... or... something. In any case we took place on the high grounds and mainly sat chatting away. One of the artists came up and joined in on the laughter, which he was aware was directed at the band he was in. At a certain point in a song, which both included a slight break in the music and a rather obscene video shot of a bloody (literally!!) anus up close, I farted to the amusement of the people around me as they gradually found out that it was not an inherent aspect of the song. I didn't actually do it on purpose and to be fair I think it was my physical body doing it, which would also explain the slow realisation rate of myself and DCs in the immediate vicinity. I woke up.