• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    DarkestDarkness

    Last edited 19/07/2020

    These days I tend to write mostly on my phone's DJ but I tend to go through periods where I alternate where I'm DJing.




    I am writing the dreams almost as I would if I were writing only to myself. The only exception is that in this DJ I only name people by their initials at most or a nickname's initial, unless it's relevant to the dream context, since I want the dreams to be understood/readable by anyone; even if you don't know who my friends are or people I know by name, I still want you to understand the immediate contexts as much as possible.

    Comments on the DJ are welcome. See my dream signs in the general notes under my profile avatar on the sidebar.

    Click to see all DJ entries with images that I made for them

    I don't often make images for dreams because I've usually forgotten most of the details I wanted to depict.


    1. cxxxiv.

      by , 08-10-2020 at 01:02 PM
      21st June 2020

      Fragment:

      My phone needed charging and I was at home with H. I went to get a charger for my phone and plugged it in; there was arcing/sparking and a flash.

      I opened the back of the phone and took the cable off it and saw that the battery had bulged slightly in one place. And the cable specs said it provided 2.9v rather than what it supposedly needed, 5v.

      Fragment:

      Some bit around my home town. I'm in the car, with mom and dad. Mom complains about being nearly 11:30 even though the dash says 10:30. Mom was complaining because we had to be there (at the destination?) and my siblings weren't ready or in the car with us yet.

      Dad took us to some cafe, or restaurant? Near where the pools in my old home town are.

      Fragment:

      In the kitchen at our current home. I was going to take codeine, but it had been prescribed for something other than pain, like allergies?



      Notes:
      - The part in the car with mom and dad is a typical scenario that might happen when we all still lived together, when I was a kid/teen.
      - At the time I'm making these notes (10th of August), I am on medication that means that I can't take codeine too; this would probably be a good cue for RCing since I know it would be dangerous to actually take the codeine currently.
    2. cxxxiii.

      by , 08-07-2020 at 08:40 PM
      14th June 2020

      Dream Fragment:

      In some altered version of our house, with H. I remember a greenhouse of sorts around back, it was dark.

      Transition? Another scene, still same area. Me and H walking around and there's this Polish lady and in the dream she is a neighbour of ours. She has a kid or two, and a husband who is away at the moment.

      We hear her talk in her native language to her child, who is indoors. She's sitting on a dark grey fibreglass chair outside, our garden areas are apparently joined together. Her house isn't lined up straight with ours though, it's set further back, so the door leading inside her house from the "back" is technically on the side of her house, not the front or back.

      I remember we spoke to her, she wanted something, like something done for her or fixed for her perhaps.



      Notes:
      - In the dream I remember that my knowledge about her family was simply intuitive, as if we'd known the family casually for years.
      - While I don't really remember the lady's appearance or her children's appearance, I have the feeling she had black, tied-back hair. This fits some character archetype my dream mind keeps constructing from time to time.

      - I am recalling, having written the above note, that I had a short-term friend (Ca) when I was a kid, who sort of matched this description; she was particularly tall despite being about the same age but she did get some abuse from other kids for that, since kids always find ways of being mean. I remember for a few years I'd always been a bit sad we didn't stay in touch or remain friends since we didn't stay in touch, but to be honest at some point I just don't even remember seeing her anymore, despite the fact that my home town was fairly condensed and most people knew each other in some vague way at the very least. During my childhood she was one of few girls with whom I got along with quite well.

      - I think my dream mind likes to feature different families with children of their own as a window into what that life might be like.
      - The backyard, oddly enough, was actually grassy, unlike the concrete backyard we do have at our current home.
    3. cxxxi. Lucidity! And self-indulgence

      by , 08-04-2020 at 01:07 PM
      4th August 2020 ~11:30

      Dream:

      Near the end of a stupidly long non-lucid part; I was falling through a pipe, I was with a squad to take something out in a facility. But then as I was falling, everything seemed still.

      I was in a void of sorts and time seemed to pass slower, the others were still here with me. It felt like being in water, and there was a similar visual effect. The squad leader, turned to me and said "you must pick the right one this time!" and I suddenly saw a vision of who to pick.

      Then I was in a room. There were three guardians and some other characters. I picked the one from my vision. It was true that it was the start of a cycle that I was now breaking, at the start of this long non-lucid part I was in a very similar situation.

      But this time I had picked "correctly". As a result, my consciousness shifted, I was now the guardian I'd picked. I noticed my hands, I had three fingers and one thumb. I became lucid but it came slowly, not like in the past.

      There was no "aha!" moment or sudden shift. I realised I was in a version of my mom's first office room. The characters were gone, I think; and to confirm my lucidity further I grabbed a metal shelving unit in the room and threw it through a wall, fully expecting it to go through as if it were a ghost, and it did!

      I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, since I hadn't fully expect to be lucid. I decided to indulge in one of my fantasies and decided to become a giant anthropomorphic lizard. It sort of worked... I saw myself in third person, wearing a labcoat (my artificial dream sign) as an anthro lizard. But I wanted to be myself in first person, I get tired of seeing things in third person in dreams and so I willed it and then was myself as the lizard. I looked down and saw the city-sprawl below me. I had reptilian-like feet with claws and I could see I had an emerald green skin but it was not as dark as I wanted. I tried to give myself different sexual features but it didn't work either.

      I was happy enough the transformation worked in the basic sense in any case and started to have some fun by putting myself against the ground and sort of rubbing along it for lack of better words. I paused and checked my hands again, just having a good look at them. They were hardly as scaly as I'd expected and this felt disappointing but I carried on. I remember noticing the atmosphere effect but oddly enough when I was standing I didn't notice the curvature effect of the planet. I was big enough that I should have been able to notice it.

      While the terrain did get sort of crunched/destroyed/etc by whatever I did, I wasn't able to see the cities in any great amount of detail and could not notice any mountains either. I was too big I suppose. I could feel my tail at several points but overall the feel of my body was mostly whole/complete.

      Spoiler for Self-indulged arousal:


      After this self-indulging, I realised the city/landscape I'd been having fun on and with was really just a square section in a rather large room. At the edges, the atmosphere effect sort of cut off, it was interesting.

      I was standing up and looked around the room for the first time; lots of metal pipes and dark metal things, like grates and slits where some natural light came through from. It had an extremely industrial look. As I looked around I still felt that I was very big, but the room's scale made me feel smaller in a sense, despite how much room I took.


      My lucidity was fading a little and I'd become a bit bored, I didn't expect to end my fantasy so soon but this was obviously the result of not pre-planning any of this. I saw a character less than half my size, by a sewer-tunnel looking bit. I approached, I asked him "Who are you?", quite curious about this metal-flesh sort of monster, the look only describable as being drawn from many such archetypes.

      He gave me a reply veiled in mystery, that I cannot recall anymore, but he did not answer my question in its most basic form and I didn't think of asking again. I got bored of him and decided he was quoting from something, but I forget what he was saying, unfortunately.

      I looked around again. This felt so different from my previous lucid experiences. I was calm, and it didn't take much effort to be calm; the dream was far less vivid and detailed than other lucids and indeed even less than some non-lucids, but I appreciated this moment. I enjoyed not feeling my daily pain.

      Then, out of nowhere, I heard a deep echoing voice. It told me "You must kill your brother, remember?". Some less conscious part of me, replied automatically "I know, I know! But not now." Before I could add anything of my own will, the voice spoke again to the effect of "Very well, he shall be kept alive for now." The voice faded completely and I simply finished by again automatically saying "Good."

      I didn't appreciate this family-related intrusion into my lucidity but realised it was from a deeper part and so didn't really wish to alter it.

      My lucidity may have been fading again but I decided to simply explore these strange halls, carelessly stepping over that square world I'd been playing with earlier and heading for a doorway on the opposite corner from where I was. There were many artificial warm light accents around the metal halls. I eventually found myself on a gantry bit and there were random people both there and on a lower tier. I played around with some telekinesis on some red and blue barrels, trying to lob them but doing so poorly at first. I started to gain a more intuitive understanding as I did it but it did not feel as "mentally driven" as I'd expected, having to move my hands a fair bit.

      My form had been consistent through my lucidity, I still had reptilian traits and my hands were clawed now, I recall. A random human character next to me looked up to me and said "Don't throw them with your arms like a real barrel." Or something like that. I understood from this to use hand motions more. I tried lifting a barrel and pulling it toward me, having done so too much and then pushing it forward a little more with some related hand motions.

      I tried to hit a person in the lower tier with the barrel but it didn't quite work or something. Then I went down some stairs. I was in a mall area and my lucidity was fading but not gone. A dream character was upset with me, he was some manager for the mall. "You're ruining everything with your lucidity!" He said, or something.

      He was extremely upset that I was doing whatever I pleased. There was a woman nearby I'd somehow gotten fired or something (but she was all the more happy about it) and the man became angry and he wanted to have a serious go at me now.
      But I somehow just turned it against him, kind of willing some help from the woman and she automatically started defending me, distracting the manager man. I was no longer lucid at this point and had been letting myself go along with the dream too much. Eventually I just woke up.



      Edit:

      Spoiler for Notes (in spoiler due to their length):

      Updated 08-04-2020 at 05:12 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes , lucid
    4. cxx.

      by , 07-21-2020 at 01:04 PM
      More catching up...



      12th May

      Dream:


      Dream recall faded somewhat. In the first dream I remember being at a house with H and someone else, a girl our age, but not sure who she was. We were all very hungry, and it was about noon. Someone suggested ordering pizza, but I didn't want to for some reason, so instead I got on the phone and ordered a man made of food or something, like synthetic food. He was supposed to get there by two in the afternoon. I figured when he arrived, I'd "butcher" him for the synthetic meat he was made of, wondering which bits H would be picky about, but as time went by, it seemed like he wasn't going to turn up at all, which made me regret not ordering the pizza in the first place.

      Then I remember going through some sort of tunnels or halls, in an old style (20-60s) building. No natural lighting, just incandescent lights. Gave me the impression of night time. I was still hungry, but I came to a room where there was something written over its double doors (I forget what) that suggested I could eat there. I went in and there was a bar-like counter and I talked to a woman in her 40s and asked her about eating or something. I told her I realised it was late but I really needed something and she was kind and tried to figure something out. At some point my parents showed up and start commenting on the food-making. I forget what else happened.

      Dream fragment:


      A different dream or perhaps after a different segment I've forgotten. Only small bits, many of which just ordinary. But in the end of this dream I was walking around a downtown area with my dad, H and someone else I think. There was a man announcing that free testing for a certain genetic or auto-immune disease or something would be available. I muttered to myself about it not being available to me freely in the past and then the man approached me, unconcerned by my complaints but addressing them; he began to inspect my nose with his hands and as he did he said "normally we wouldn't check people who have infections on their nose because this excludes them" or something to this effect. His attitude and face while going over my nose and talking to me suggested (some medical) curiosity. Just as he was about to move on to inspect some other part of my face or body, the doorbell in reality rang and I woke up, having to answer the door.



      Notes:
      - Of these two dreams, as I am re-reading them, I actually remember the second fragment better than I do the first dream. There was an underground parking lot or something around the middle or beginning of that dream, which was where me, my dad, H and the other person had come from, out onto the downtown street area.
      - I remember in the first dream I had visualised or seen a picture of what the synthetic man was to look like. For some reason I have the memory of wooden flooring in the first house of that dream.
      - The part in the second dream where I was muttering to myself is probably a crossed over feeling of frustration at the lack of help I receive for my condition from official systems. The follow-up interaction with the man is probably representative of some of my hope that with chance and timing I might actually get someone to genuinely be interested in giving me the help I need, rather than the help that gets pushed onto me.
    5. cxiv.

      by , 04-17-2020 at 11:50 AM
      Mostly remember fragments of a single continuous dream.



      Dream fragment:

      Something about a subway. Remember trying to catch a train but it was only three carriages long instead of the expected six, so I and most of the people on the platform didn't manage to get on. I was there with someone, family? Aunt or something.

      Another part of this dream, remember being in the car (or train?) with mom and dad, possibly some sibling too. I remember seeing fires in the countryside that looked deliberate, as there were trees burning just under high-power transmission lines at a few different spots along the journey. I remember asking my parents if I should call the firemen, but they dismissed the idea that it was malicious and so eventually I ended up dismissing it too.

      Dream:


      I was playing some altered version of Freelancer with H. It looked more detailed and we were in a pretty dark system. There was a base with view to a planet nearby, Earth-like. We went to the base and docked there. The scale of everything was more accurate than in the actual game, though the interfaces all seemed to be in the same style as ever. I think at first we were a bit confused because we'd docked in different parts of the base, but I looked at the missions board and found some mission that had conflicting credit reward numbers. But it seemed like it would pay well anyway so I suggested we take this mission, something about a research vessel. I realised it might be challenging for a single player but should be fine with both of us doing the mission.

      After taking the mission we took off from the base and started exploring. A frigate class ship appeared and it looked hostile, though shouldn't have been because of the mission, but H decided to attack it; we dealt with it somehow and continued. We were headed the direction opposite from where the planet was. The space background was mostly black with stars, not usually the case in Freelancer. As we tried to find the mission objective we went past a big asteroid base, belonged to the Xenos. It was white (neutral) to us because of the mission as expected and their fighters were fighting some other faction I didn't make note of.

      Missing content or transition.

      I remember being in a cave? Water-filled. I was swimming, something happened just before this but not sure what. I was holding this pendant that had a sapphire encrusted in it. Despite being a cave with no natural light, I could see fairly well. I swam fast to try to find an opening with air, though my concern wasn't over myself, it was over the gem. I remember a lady told me I couldn't let it crack, which it would apparently do eventually if it stayed in the water. (I assumed because of pressure, despite the small depth)

      I found a sloping exit of the cave and got out of the water. The pendant and its gem were fine though I'd heard a few cracking noises while swimming. I was in a bigger cave system now. A kind of nexus of tunnels by the looks of it. I remember walking toward the leftmost tunnel from where I stood, it seemed to lead outside. As I got near an opening, there were people there. My cousin T? She was being held by this unknown man or something. I had three knives of different sizes and grabbed the biggest one, a curved blade, and stabbed the man in the lower right back, just under the ribs. He groaned I think but otherwise didn't seem that hurt. I tried something else; I wanted him to leave and so I threatened to cut his leg off, but he didn't take my threat seriously. I grabbed one of the knives, this one serrated, sharply so, and started cutting his right knee. Very quickly the bone became exposed and I started to cut the cartilage between the several bony bits. His leg's lower half came off and again he didn't seem that bothered, but it seemed like he gave in. Vague recall of cutting other of his limbs, but then all of a sudden he was fully re-attached as if nothing had ever happened, and he got ready to leave.

      I don't remember any of the interaction between myself and my cousin. I remember then going back into the tunnels and finding some other outdoor place, a volcanic wasteland of sorts? There were bits and pieces of an ancient dragon scattered about. The sky looked cloudy or dusty, with warm colours to it. I don't remember feeling hot though. A woman approached me at some point, we discussed something of a philosophical nature, but I don't remember what.

      Missing content or transition.

      Exploring some kind of castle. Looked like it had been made by Gaudi himself; it was very busy, lots of tourists. Me and H were at the top of this castle building, and we were crawling around through these narrow and cramped white/off-white plaster-like half tunnels. I remember giving way to some old people at some point. I don't remember much anymore other than some visual details like the very rounded shapes and the fact that it was sunny, which meant there were all these rounded shadows.

      Updated 06-25-2020 at 11:18 AM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment
    6. cxii.

      by , 04-12-2020 at 05:29 PM
      Some dream fragments. Initially had better recall but didn't manage to type as much as I wanted in my initial notes and so recall just faded for the most part. Some pre-sleep journaling too because I haven't really done that a lot.

      Although I have had recall of dreams from all the previous nights since my last DJ entry, I haven't been making notes in the morning for the most part. H's alarm can be distracting and causes me to lose details sometimes, which puts me off from trying to write, besides all the other usual issues.



      Pre-sleep:

      Some stray thoughts about something lead me to loosely focusing thoughts on memories from my childhood, primarily from the ages between three and five. Somewhat vivid memory of the balcony, but details missing and wrong. I hoped my focus on these memories would perhaps carry on into dreaming and allow me to explore the memories a bit better. Some recall of trying to place myself in the height I would have been, meaning a different point of view from the lower glass panes rather than the higher ones. I remember having other conscious thoughts about the memories but I have forgotten the specifics now.

      Dream Fragment:


      Was having a discussion with a girl about my age, we were talking about buck/boost transformers and how they saved power or something. I was doing a poor job of explaining and getting to the point I wanted to make and so she started to think I was trying to make some sort of sales point without evidence. I was at some kind of hotel? Initially I was speaking to her from a hallway that had these sliding doors to the outside; she was out on a courtyard of some kind, under a summer/pool tent of sorts.

      I'd met her at a fairly high floor in the building, 30 something? I had been going up through the floors using stairwells with my family up to this point, but I think they just continued on without me. I think near the end the girl's form shifted between herself and some male dream character.

      Before I got to the hotel, I remember travelling with my family through some highway, dad was driving. At some point we weren't in the car anymore but sort of still on the road. I remember my parents asking T if he should put an extra layer/top on. L made some comment? We were on the start of a mountain path or something. We were apparently going some place cold, I remember a dull grey day, misty. Reminds me now of some real beach or coastal area I've visited in waking reality many years ago with my family.

      Dream Fragment:

      Called an aunt. Brief conversation, remember noting it took no more than five or six minutes. Vague visual recall of orange phone screen?



      Notes:

      - The orange phone screen was most likely a detail of a home phone; either the one we have now or the one from my parents' house.
      - The highways in the dream remind me of the ones from Fallout, possibly because of playing it recently.
      - Not entirely sure what brought on the context of discussing electronics but possibly just a more obvious intrusion of information consolidation processes; my apparent ignorance on the subject in the dream perhaps being caused by the fact I rarely discuss the specific topic in question.
    7. cx.

      by , 04-05-2020 at 02:43 AM
      A few dreams from this morning. On one of the earlier awakenings I decided to make notes and stay up to try and force myself back into more usual sleeping habits. Some in-line notes.



      Dream:

      I was in my old home's bedroom. H and mom were there. H had set up this pipe organ for me (though there were no pipes anywhere) and though I was actually playing poorly I was reading the notation extremely well which pleased me since I'm usually terrible at doing this. But in the dream it was assumed (by myself and the characters) that I was in fact playing well too. I remember walking into the kitchen after trying to play some pedal notes, and mom was there making some food. She was cooking some meats like beef chunks and black sausage type of thing in the big cast aluminium pan. It looked odd, and traditional, but seemed like it could be nice too.

      Mom was disappointed though, she said if I "can play the organ, then why can't you do the dishes?". In the dream I felt that there was no reason I couldn't do the dishes, but I felt the need to argue her statement because I had never had any piano lessons or any suchlike, which L and T did; I also presented the fact I was (apparently) doing really well with playing and the fact that I had never really understood music at all in the school, so this was a success or improvement over that. I felt some disappointment myself that mom couldn't just cherish this. In the dream I remember at some later point standing in the corridor and hearing L playing some DOTA game, and I think T was just in their own room, in the dark, which lead me to assume T was sleeping for some reason. It was night time through out the entire dream.

      Dream:

      Dreamed something a bit like the game I had played the last night (and this night) with H, in some watery and dark underground place. But then there were some fire enemies and I ran into a stairwell as I made distance from them; then the situation was a lot less game-like and more realistic and though I didn't feel afraid because of the fire, I made my way up the stairwell anyway, as did some other random people that appeared, some of which I apparently already knew on a personal level, classmates in the dream context or something.

      I took my time going up the steps for whatever reason, sort of fooling around by doing a full step by actually stepping on every bit of each step with my feet as smoke would start from each place I had just stepped on. This went on for a short while, after which I continued going on up the stairs. I walked into a room from one of the stair landings, with some random girl my age or so? I opened a window to the fire escape for the building. I do remember a girl (Sol) I knew from school a long time ago, who seemed to be in the dream as filler. As I looked out the window and opened a latch on its left side, I could see a fireman on a ladder approaching (and emergency lights?) and as he got closer and came in through the window we told him it was nothing to worry about really.

      I remember there was some antagonistic element to the dream from when I was climbing the stairs earlier; there was this group of angry radicals from downstairs who insisted on something about the fire and basically made a big deal out of nothing. The firemen that came through the window shrugged and sincerely said it would be fine since there was nothing to worry about and they told us that they'd switch the main power on in a second. Weird, since it hadn't seemed to be off at all. There was some side or sub-plot, involving a Gollum from China or something, who was being tortured. (Probably from recently playing Fallout)

      Dream:


      Super cheesy 80s programme intro, of a show apparently called "Rexxar : Star Trek". I was watching it on Youtube or something like it, with quite a focus "tunnel vision".

      There was a vividly clear music with a leading electric guitar and other typical sounds from the 80s and some generic synth sounds. The visual elements of the montage were defined by the fact that they were little square "cuts" of other scenes, presumably from the programme itself, presenting the whole thing in a certain cheesy feel. Those square cuts mostly featured head shots of sexy and almost half naked women and some of the cuts had stills of Rexxar from Warcraft, as well as mini montage being featured in one of these square cuts showing a cartoony/kids-style but real cake of Rexxar being made or put together.

      Everything in the video montages had a very pure white backdrop thing going on. Despite the cheesy aspect, the dream video was amazingly vivid, just as the music.

      The characters, the women, were nobody that I recognise(d) and just felt like generic constructs appropriate for the context, but there was some underlying feeling of them being famous within the context.

      The dream ended shortly after this intro video, when the show "started" by showing some sort of big teddy bear thing on a swivel chair in a very fancy post modern designer house. Vividness was much lower as soon as the intro cut to this sequence. I remember thinking in the dream that the whole thing was somewhat stupid, and that it had nothing to do with Rexxar (despite the featured cuts).
    8. cv.

      by , 03-25-2020 at 12:17 PM
      Some non-lucid stuff that I can remember from this morning. Only made note of the first dream in my initial morning notes.




      Dream:


      I was with dad, I think at a mall. It was like the one close to home but it was different somehow, though I had the same sense of familiarity. We were walking through the large and bright halls and as we turned around a corner we stopped, because I spotted this shop that sold ice cream and other stuff, like some pastries typical of my country and cotton candy. I wanted some of these deep fried things they had, even though I didn't feel all that hungry. I think it was just because it's been so long I had any. Not sure what dad wanted, but ice cream I think.

      We approached the counter and two other people were being served. There were two guys behind the counter too, so I thought one of them was available and I pointed at something and asked about it. Before there was any reply, dad said "let the other people get served first" but for some reason, in the dream's context I had the ability to snap my fingers to toggle how busy the dream location was. Doing this had a completely intuitive feel. I did snap my right hand's fingers and the people being served simply disappeared, as did many other people walking by around us.

      Now I asked about the food thing again. He explained they were long deep fried "waffles". Some were flavoured banana, strawberry or vanilla, with the possibility of a crusty looking chocolate topping, although I think it was more like icing.

      I asked for one of the vanilla waffle things. While I was being handed my waffle and then tasting it, I think dad was getting something for himself. The taste was somewhat overly sweet, and bland at the same time (dream characteristic which didn't phase me), but it didn't taste of vanilla very much at all. My problem with the taste however, was the texture, as I was expecting something nice and crunchy, but it was completely soft. I felt disappointed and the few bites I took made me feel full really quickly anyway. I don't remember what I did with it and I don't remember either of us paying.

      Then we continued walking through the mall, but into a different section which wasn't as open or light. In fact it felt pretty dark despite there being lights on. We walked into a supermarket inside the mall and I remember wandering around looking for something, but I don't remember what anymore. Eventually, empty-handed I went to the checkout area. I'm not sure it was dad that was with me anymore at this point.

      But at the checkout there was a couple, they were buying a desktop computer oddly enough and they wanted help from an attendant because the computer "weighs 24kg and we can't carry it", I thought to myself that despite my weakness, this couple was just being pathetic or lazy. I did think about the effort of carrying it all the way to their car in the parking sub-levels, but I also thought it wasn't really fair to ask the attendant to do that.

      Then the man from the couple started being weird, handling the computer case with relative ease he swung it around and it hit the checkout counter, on which I was sat. For some reason I was just sat there and observing. As he did hit the counter with the case, the attendant didn't even flinch like she hadn't noticed. He did it again a few times, harder this time. Now the case was visibly damaged and warped. At first the damage seemed passable, but for whatever reason I was able to look inside; I quickly told them that the circuit boards were cracked because of the metal plates pushing in and that it was no good now. The man started being upset and demanding compensation or something. Again I didn't think this was fair and either I said or thought "you break it, you buy it". The attendant seemed to be handling it though, but it made me feel no respect for this man.

      There was a transition then. I don't remember where I was now, but I had some kind of interface. I could select worlds or something?

      Then I remember a cutscene of some kind, it was in space. I could see several planets in a star system, and before it happened I knew the star was about to explode, and it did, in a green supernova, the planets burning away in a green flame of sorts. Strangely enough in the dream it was like I already knew about this cutscene (but it's the first time I've seen/dreamt it) so I was using some camera control tools or something to see the scene from different angles than it would normally play through.

      I don't remember much else from this dream other than some vague memories of night sky and stars.

      Dream Fragment:


      At my old home, in my old room. I think what brought this dream on was some thoughts I had before bed about how my old room's balcony has never felt safe, and how I always fear mom may slip some day, or that I may somehow feel compelled to jump out of it (in madness or some other irrational state).

      It was a sort of night time, a twilight of some kind. I walked into the room a bit further and saw my sibling T in the balcony. He had a top on but was otherwise naked, this was odd and bothered me on some level but I ignored it and we talked about something. From the balcony, below, I could see my other sibling was arriving with S in a white smart car. Then the doorbell rang and I walked out of the room and went to answer it, I already knew it was going to be L and S but I still picked up the intercomm set and asked who it was. I felt like I was being like dad for doing this (even though I don't remember dad ever doing this type of thing). L replied at first and I asked "who?" because I couldn't understand, then S spoke and her voice made it clear who they were and I pressed the button to open the building door.

      Dream Fragment:

      Driving, or being driven? With H. Not sure what car, but the landscape and town was a mix of my native home areas and some other places. I enjoyed the view of the nearby mountains in the dream. I remember we went over a bridge or two and there were two towns next to each other. It was day time, but sort of dark despite everything looking bright? Like I was seeing everything through heavily tinted glass, but I don't think the car's glass was tinted at all.



      Notes:
      - Last night as I had the thoughts about my old room and the balcony, I did think that it might cause me to have a dream about it. It's a shame I didn't take the opportunity to think about becoming lucid should it happen, as there were plenty of cues in that dream that could have resulted in some state of lucidity, but didn't. Keeping intention of noticing dream signs seems particularly poor for me, but I really think my sleep quality doesn't help.
      - The thing with the dream-controlling finger snapping is typical of something my dad does in his non-lucid dreams too, so either that knowledge has created some kind of bias on me, or it's a trait that can be developed because of our personalities, or perhaps simply hereditary somehow. A point of note about it is that I play games a lot where "control" comes easily, so it may simply be a reflection of how there's a lot of self-agency in that type of context.
      - The pastry type thing I wanted from the shop was more like a churro or something, but the thing I was given didn't really look like one. I actually remember they had some churro looking things locked up in a clear plastic chest that was hung on a wall on the customer side of the counter. I remember feeling like asking about it but like it would be too much bother to get one.
    9. xcix.

      by , 03-14-2020 at 02:57 AM
      Dream fragment from the 13th.


      Fragment:

      I was in some altered version of my old home, in particular it seemed to be centred around my first bedroom in the house but the layout of everything was completely different, and the halls and ceilings were much bigger. Perhaps a reflection of the different perspective from when I was very young (4-6?), but in the dream I was just the age I am now. I think I remember daylight coming from outside. In many senses the physical context of the dream was very reminiscent of my earliest conscious memory of waking life.

      There were a lot of family characters present, mostly aunts from dad's side and my direct family in itself.

      I don't remember many of the details anymore but one of the main dream plots was that there was this mouse which was no bigger than my closed fist, minus the tail. For whatever reason, I wanted to build it a nest near the top of one of the walls in "my room". I remember getting some wicker type material to make the nest with, or maybe like hay. But it had a paper-like texture, at any rate. I wanted the nest to be atop a pipe or pole that would be attached to the wall (visually reminded me of a wastepipe) so that the mouse could run up and down to and from the nest. The mouse had typical light brown fur.


    10. xcvi.

      by , 03-08-2020 at 11:41 AM
      Dreams taken from phone memos from today and yesterday. Will try to arrange chronologically and make notes for each day separately.


      7th:

      Dream Fragment:

      There's a high school context to the dream. Vi from my class back then, he was walking around with me, near my old home. We were headed towards the main square or the subway?

      In reality we'd never spoken a lot, but in the dream we were talking non-stop for some reason. I was telling him about a god of war? And about a dark goddess.

      Not sure where this fits into the dream but I remember some other part, relating to this goddess. There are strange cliffs, rock looks sedimentary; and there are scattered graves but I don't remember what they look like anymore. I spoke to the dark goddess I think.

      Other stuff happens in between and all I have left is a fragment from the end of the dream. I was gigantic and a ten story building was only about ankle height for me. I was running somewhere, taking long strides over cities and hills. I avoided excessively mountainous areas. It was quite sunny and clear.

      Some areas were under mass floods, because of the dark goddess? Something about her being angry. There were craters or abysses which the water spiralled into.

      Notes:

      - The irony of the last part of this dream is that this is one of my current lucid challenges.
      - I don't remember what I was wearing, or if I was wearing anything at all in the last part of the dream, but in the early parts of the dream I was wearing my old cream hoodie, except it had a front pocket thing, which it actually doesn't.
      - I don't remember actually seeing this goddess in the dream, but I have an archetype appearance in mind visually, where she appears sort of half-naked and has somewhat messy but long black hair. Has red iris eyes.


      8th:

      All sort of a continuous dream, but transitions and details are highly fragmented:

      Inside some structural complex. My family is here, primarily siblings and parents. I remember L talking and showing me a few things around the place. I think this place was like a house L and S were building?

      There's certainly lots of concrete to the structure, and some sort of carpeting thing going on. I remember a diffused sunlight from directly above. At this point I was in a concrete tunnel overhang with huge glass panes to the side. I could feel that the sunlight was coming from a diffusing rectangular skylight much higher up.

      Then after seeing into a few different rooms and going a bit dark, there was a transition of some kind.

      I was just outside the building I used to live in. It's daytime but not sure what the sky is like. Colours are semi-vivid. H is here in some form and I feel like I'm a small girl or something. I play around the cobbled area and then there's something about money. I was making 100 an hour by just moving some small 1kg bags of flour? But because there was limited demand, then I wasn't needed anymore, which made me disappointed.

      Transition or cut.

      Short sequence where me and H were about to play some board game. Not sure where we are, but indoors. Then all of a sudden, MB appears. I feel really apprehensive and tense, but oddly enough H is fine with his presence. I remember what I told mom some days ago in waking life, that we don't let MB hang out anymore, and yet here he is.

      We play a test round of the board game and then I start putting it all away, in the hope he'll get the hint and go away. I am confused as to why H hasn't told him to go either. I feel on edge and like I could become aggressive.

      Transition.

      Some weird sort of library. Reality physics mixed with game-type physics. There's a very short farclip plane. H is here and talks to me about something. I remember a purple and orange haze and some bookshelves. I walk around somewhat disorientated. I remember going into a room that I could see clearly and there were rolled up bits of paper, or scrolls?

      Transition again.

      I was on the computer, looking at a reddit link from some support group forum for people with my illness. The reddit link had an embedded youtube video that had some furry characters on the preview.

      The first line I remember either from reddit or the video description was "The inner drunkard voice of the characters we draw ghandara macrophylla". This doesn't fully make sense even in the dream and somehow I also feel the video will likely have someone with a really annoying voice, so I don't think I played it anyway. Passing thoughts about drawing.

      Notes:

      - I had to look up "ghandara", and the closest word I could find is "gandara", which means wetland(s) in Galician. Though it's a fairly familiar language, I didn't know this word specifically. "macrophylla" I know from plants, meaning large leaves or so. So that would make it "large leafed wetland" or something in a more literal sense, but it still doesn't link directly to the rest of the description text. I think in the dream the "macrophylla" was just a misspelling of "macrophilia" but it still doesn't explain the other random word.
      - Perhaps the oddest thing about the video link was that I have neither used reddit nor any online support group for my illness in a long time. The rest of the fragment's context seems to relate more to the fact that I haven't been drawing lately, mostly because of how I've been feeling, but also to the natural feelings of jealousy that seem to crop up in me sometimes when the art of others is on show.
      - In the weird haze library area, the purple and orange may have been a bit symbolic, as I associate purple to myself and orange to H, who was also there.
      - When MB was playing this board game with us, he was being as irritating as ever, all the more reason I wanted him gone.
      - Although I remember S was in the first part of the dream, I don't remember hearing her speak, which seems unlikely. That first part felt like the longest and the second part felt like the shortest.
    11. lxxxiii.

      by , 02-12-2020 at 11:40 PM
      Dreams that I made note of early today but that I'm only writing on the DJ here at night.



      Dream Fragment:


      Much longer than just this bit and a lot of detail is missing. Was with my family at some building, more specifically, with my parents and maybe siblings. We were there because of me, I was waiting to be given permission to use this facility's reactor-powered super-computer.

      One of mom's sisters (M) was there . H was there but was a blend between himself and my oldest sibling. I remember we were waiting in some sort of lobby. It was sunny, there was a lot of glass. It was a fairly modern-style building from what I can remember. Eventually, a woman came through into the room and requested my presence. I followed her and walked through some halls and then through a large indoors space, like an aircraft hangar or an industrial warehouse. When we were in one of these larger spaces, the woman, who I remember was formally dressed (i.e. had some sort of secretarial position), said that they were going to give me the OK to use their computer.

      Apparently I wanted to use this computer to "hack" some other reactor-powered super-computer of the same sort. In the dream I already knew I had permission from the owners of that second computer to do this. My reaction to when she gave me the OK was something of surprise and I felt happy. I told her I'd be right back and jogged back to the lobby quickly to grab a few things. Mostly some papers, A4 prints of the schematics for the other reactor? Looked like amplifier schematics like the ones I often see H use.

      In the dream I knew that some favour I pulled was responsible for the people who owned this place to allow me to do this, though there seemed to be no animosity with anyone and there was a calm and polite atmosphere.

      I remember there was a lot of dialogue in this dream but I remember very little of it in detail, usually one of the first things to get forgotten. I went back to the woman after grabbing the papers. I remember being shown into a room where I then used some sort of computer terminal and then gained physical access to the other computer's library. But it was literally and physically manifested in front of me, above the terminal.

      I looked through the books. I remember chatting to this lady since she was there to supervise me, mostly small talk. I couldn't remember which of these files (the books) that H was interested in, so for whatever reason I asked for someone to go and fetch my oldest sibling (L). L arrived and immediately recognised the book. L took it and I wondered how we'd return it, since I realised in that moment this was a one-time thing but we were still obliged to return the file.

      Then I said to L: "make sure you get everything you want, because we will never have access to this again." I remember thinking or feeling that the other books on that shelf were filled with irreplaceable knowledge.

      The dream went on for a bit but I don't remember much. Some visions of the reactors? I told the lady about how I got permission to do all of this.

      Dream Fragment:

      A different dream. In space, much shorter dream. Strategy game like Homeworld but could manage planets and space stations too. Mix of Freelancer too? Don't remember the visuals anymore. Woke up after this dream.

      Dream Fragment:

      Fell back asleep and recalled this single fragment. Was helping T build some sort of organ console. The console didn't look right. It was askew? But it was on purpose apparently. The manuals were angled at 90 degrees and sloped on a 30 degree arc. I remember this took place in T's room. There was a light on and the room was dark otherwise, somewhat as expected really.

      Mom was there, talking to T I think.


      Some notes:
      - I did remember more conversational detail when I woke up and wrote down the first dream on my phone but the memory has since long left as I finish writing this DJ entry.
      - The thing with the shelf and the books being the other computer's file system was very unusual. It was like an allegory, but somewhat unnecessary.
      - For whatever reason, these few dreams I had all had H, T and L mixed in some sense as if they were all the same character. Although I can draw some similarities between them, like the bookshelf thing, I'm not sure why it was almost made obvious in the dream. Normally my less conscious thoughts don't manifest themselves in dreams in such an obvious way, probably since I already recognise all these elements consciously anyway.
      - The secretary figure is starting to become a recurring dream character in a sense. Feels like a sort of formal projection, as a character, of what I would consider my anima to be. Last year there were some similar appearances. Usually black hair, tidy, possibly glasses and a smooth but not perfect face. A slight bit of attitude or something in body posture, but in a relaxed way. Takes herself seriously.
      - A note on the above; I have taken the Jungian archetypes into a sort of personally meaningful way as I do with symbols in general, so that they have specific meanings to myself, which are often a bit more distant from their original meanings. This accounts for why the appearance of these archetypes varies, sometimes dramatically. But the key identifier for them is usually that they are key characters in the dream and that they are not related to people I know, and seem to be more disjointed from the other characters in a dream, usually.
      - T's room was more or less as I remember last seeing it. The sense of any unpleasant smell didn't seem to be there, but I remember feeling uncomfortable being in the room.
    12. lxxvi.

      by , 02-03-2020 at 12:03 PM
      We had a bit of a tidy yesterday and I had somewhat strange sleep because of a supplement I took that I even forgot I had around; but I'd also forgotten why I'd stopped taking it. I had extremely vivid dreams but unable to really stay asleep. The first two fragments were from some of the awakenings and were actually really quite long and detailed dreams, just as the third, but I didn't memorise enough of them since I didn't write them down when I had them.


      Dream Fragment:

      Was in my old home area. For some reason I managed to get a job as a secretary for some important person (politician/businessman?) and I was being interviewed by a woman with tied up hair and glasses; very similar to the secretary in the original Deus Ex game, come to think of it.

      For whatever reason I was using an alias, a French name going just by "Sís", even though I was uncertain myself how I should pronounce it. I remember being asked about speaking French, and I said (roughly) in French that I could speak the language poorly.

      I remember the room I was in was office-like but sort of well decorated as I'd expect for my native region.

      Dream Fragment:

      I wasn't a character myself in this dream. It was more like watching something. It was in China or a place like it and I was seeing inside an office at a business skyscraper. Two men were discussing (in English) about how a brand new government law was going to make everyone's life hell, basically. They could see it being announced on a TV at their workplace. Everyone was becoming afraid of speaking to anyone else but most people were uncomfortably relaxed in a sense, seemingly they felt safe in this place anyway.

      I remember one of these two men making a comment saying "I don't even want to take anyone in my car with me anymore."

      Then there were some scenes outside, scenes of traffic and of dead vegetation/landscapes. It was a gloomy day-time throughout this dream.

      Dream Fragment:

      I am somewhere underground, at some kind of mixed restaurant/convenience store place. I'm with my family, and I'm making small talk with the shop lady. She's interested in my phone and asks if I can get her some extra ones of the same model. I say sure, but then question if it's worth it. I tell her that if I get them at a "brand new price" there's nothing in it for either of us. Before she can give me a reasonable idea of what the agreement would be, my phone "rings" (vibrates, more like, I think).

      It's an old friend, someone I haven't spoken to in over two years in waking reality. Da is calling me and I try to answer but somehow I tap something that says "delete contact" right under "accept call"!

      Feeling frustrated by the fact I just made such a mistake I try to get the number back somehow from the log and then try calling back. He answers and I try to speak but he can't hear me.

      I walk outside from this shop, still underground and take a left and then a right and go up some stairs. I'm outside now. I don't remember what it looked like exactly, but get the feeling of "arid".

      I speak again, and Da hears me now. I ask, "Hey, how are you? It's been a really long time." He says "I'm ok, I guess." He makes some sort of ironic and witty but also serious remark about how I hadn't been in contact. I try to explain that I did try communicating over the last two years, but that every time I did, I never heard anything back.

      We get into small talk and his behaviour over the phone seems more normal, less upset as it seemed like initially. I can hear he's playing something on a console. "Is that Tekken you're playing?" He doesn't answer immediately, concentrating and then says he'll be finished shortly and then we could do (whatever it was) that we were going to do. I quickly realise internally that it couldn't be a Tekken game. All the sounds are too sort of retro and synth-like.

      I remember pacing around outside while on the phone, something I do anywhere whilst on the phone. Everything feels vivid and somewhat real despite the fact that the place I'm at looks somewhat alien. The structure of this place on the outside is some sort of hard compacted sand and I'm on some kind of platform. There are metal beams or girders somewhere as part of the structure, but I forget the details now.

      It's kind of daytime, but there's a strange light. I don't remember anything else now but this fragment was only the second half of this dream.



      No notes for now.
    13. lxviii.

      by , 01-16-2020 at 01:52 PM
      I've been having a somewhat better dream recall average than I normally would, but haven't been taking note of dreams enough and my last DJ here was ages ago now. This is a particularly memorable dream fragment from this week.



      Dream Fragment:


      First half is missing.

      Was in my home city, or some altered version of it. It was day time and I was heading home on foot; there was a fluid transition to my arrival home but I've forgotten the detail of it, and when I got there it was dark at that point. My dad was in his car and approached me and told me to get in the car so we could go somewhere (for a meal or something?) - I was a bit reluctant, I was feeling in pain and really tired; mom was sat at the back with one of my brothers (T) and one of my cousins (R) was sat at the front, so I sat next to mom.

      Dad started driving and very shortly after, we were going through some surreal highway that I've seen in some other dream fairly recently; surrounded by cliffs and 10-story buildings on top of the cliffs. It then turned into a rock and dirt road and there were dark abysses either side of the road, with more cliffs in the distance. I was a bit apprehensive too, but mom was starting to get quite worried and told dad, in the same way as I ever expect.

      He reassured her with a smile, saying: "It's fine, I've driven on these roads loads of times!". Very shortly after he said that, we went over a bump in the road, but there was nothing on the other side. The car fell straight into one of those abysses, none of us seemingly very concerned by this, plunging into water at the bottom.

      At first we didn't try to get out; I remember thinking "Well it doesn't really matter" but eventually we all got out and swam up. When we got to the surface of the water, some sort of root-like things descended toward us and took us to a sort of rocky area under a much bigger floating mass of rock.

      At the centre of this area there was some sort of little shop. I remember going in and seeing all these small 4:3 CRT TV screens, each one no bigger than my head, sat on shelves, almost perfectly spaced apart. Each one of the screens had a landscape view in it, like a live feed, but not much was going on in any of them. It was a colourful shelf to look at.

      As I walked along this narrow path between these big metal shelves with the TVs, something caught my attention on top of one shelf. A moonstone, but not as bright and vivid or even opalescent like one I actually have in reality. The gem was pale and sort of a sepia or cream colour but it was still slightly translucent as expected. What was odd about it was that it was encrusted with some sort of gold filigree and small golden spheres.

      Start to remember less detail at this point. I remember dad went off his own way and so did my sibling and cousin. Mom stayed with me and we went outside, where it was still dark, although the direct area around wherever we went was always seemingly lit. More like the darkness was a fog made of black.

      I remember seeing some bones or dead plants and noticing the floor was particularly arid. Eventually we found some building thing, which was very square. It had a brand new kitchen I think, but apart from that it was mostly just dark corridors. I don't remember anything after that point.


      A note:
      I remember that in the dream the surreal landscapes felt familiar but out of place. Although I did not get anywhere near being lucid, I've had more of these moments lately where I'll have pre-lucid thoughts or recognition of a feature from a past dream.
    14. iii.

      by , 07-19-2018 at 10:16 AM
      Just got up, went into our computer room, kept the curtains closed and started my computer and wrote this. Two non-lucid dream sequences, mostly fragmented:



      First sequence:

      In the first dream I was in a "room" that was like a garden, it was a room in the sense that it was some sort of partition; I remember something like greek pillars covered in vines and grassy ground. In this room, there was "me", my partner from waking life, a friend of ours and a slim man in a suit; the three of us approached the man, as he was here to show us something and as we did or perhaps he was already doing it, he was levitating this large latticed purple orb, made of stone or gemstone, between his two hands, one hand above, one hand below; the orb floated up and down gently.

      I can't tell if it was day or night but everything looked somewhat "dark".

      At first my partner (who isn't really into any stuff like this) put his hand out toward the orb and closed his eyes and was silent; then our friend did and then I did. I could sense no special energy from the orb or the man: the orb was ordinary, regardless of any surreal properties. I stopped and walked away toward a door under a lowered roof, then I think our friend did too and I opened the door and there were two more doors to either side of a tiny partition and I opened another and went into a large room, like a conference room; there were a dozen men and women at the conference table, and they were waiting for us. I remember one of them asking what were we waiting for, why hadn't we all come in? Or something to this effect. I explained we wouldn't be a minute and I peeked out to see my partner still holding his hand at the orb and called him and he opened his eyes and walked away from the mysterious man, and the conference members were not keen on letting this man in.

      I remember my partner said that the orb felt like it had the energy of the universe or some such; which I interpreted as: it feels the exact same as any ordinary object, because it did to me.

      As we were all in now, apart from the orb man, one of the older men said "close the doors, lift the barriers" and some fake wall barriers emerged from some slots on the floor next to the doors, sealing the room. I remember this conference room had some windows, and had too much room even for just this single conference table. This all had a very Illuminati type feeling to me, even in the dream.

      Second sequence:

      I'm not sure where this sequence starts or if it carried over from the last one, but this one is temporally fragmented. I remember the last part first: I was at a waterpark with my partner and I remember thinking when I was talking to someone, I think a woman, that I always wanted to go to one. We were sort of leaning back against a wall of this single-story building, a large square-ish building as far as my dream self knew, we were waiting for something, I think more members of our group, which I think included my family. I remember as I waited, I was messing around, like lifting myself up by putting my hands against two lower walls and pushing myself up and I was also looking around the waterpark and outside of it.

      I saw some skyscrapers in the city. One was probably 30 stories, and then another, fancier, office building behind it was something between 60 or 70, I guessed. I pondered as I thought it was so strange that such a small difference in stories could make up for so much more height. The sky was blue and clear and it was certainly daytime.

      I think our group arrived and we walked around the square building and we were looking for a restaurant or something. We all went into this small one and as everyone was going in I could see on a digital interface (inside my head) that another nearby restaurant that was related to this one was much busier at the moment, and I walked up to one of the staff members that was headed for the loo and said to him like "want me to get some more people over from [indecipherable] restaurant?"; he looked at me approvingly but didn't answer and went in the bathroom; I turned away and walked out and headed for the other restaurant. This fragment ends here.

      Another fragment, before this last one, in dream time:

      I was standing with my partner in a garden at this waterpark; there were white painted wooden fences and it was a clear blue sky day, as it would still be later. My dream self knew this garden was part of an accommodation we were staying in, part of the park's premises. I remember hearing a woman's voice, she was praying, loudly, and I commented to my partner "surely she can keep her voice down a little?"; he shrugged and looked in the distance, resting his arms on this wooden fence. Her praying went on for some time, and I thought about how I had never prayed loudly in my life except when asked to, and even then, barely so. And yet this woman was praying to be heard by all, without concern of being judged or criticised for doing so.

      I remember my dream self knew there sprinklers in the gardens but they had not yet been on, though the grass looked perfectly lush and perfectly trimmed.

      Can't recall more fragments.



      Notes:
      • I have had curiosity about going to waterparks, but I have certainly never had the open desire of "always wanting to go to one", so this could have been a thought I could have realised was odd.

      • Both dreams, the whole places were dream-generated, in their entirety. The only "exception" being that the accommodation and its garden in the last fragment very closely resembled the type of thing my family used to go to holiday for, when I was a kid.

      • In the dream I could clearly hear the woman's prayers but I had forgotten all of it by the time I woke up. It felt important to my dream self to remember what she was praying.

      • In the first dream, the "Illuminati" conference was probably partly based off the imagined world from the first Deus Ex Machina games, as that is one of the most prominent visual culture references I have for the subject. I do not know why my dream self, which was like "me", was part of it. And if there were a dozen people in the room, with the 3 of us walking into the room, that would make 15 - in the game's world it is implied there are 12 members only.

      • The floating purple orb really had no special feel to it; it felt more mechanical and part of nature than anything else, as I truly did not feel any special energy from it. The man was peculiar for mostly just standing there, firmly, in what looked like a tophat and an old style suit, simply "presenting" the orb. Perhaps he and the orb were merely part of the garden, in the same way as the grass and vines.

      • Tip/Memory Note: I remember much less on getting up than what I wrote now, but because of the way memory works it's easier to remember things like a dream in sequence, so as you start from the beginning or end it becomes easier to recall more of the memorable parts if you think it out and through. This is also true for your waking life memories: if you are in a room and don't remember the recent past, you go backwards in your memory of living the last moments. If you pay enough attention through most of the day, you can recall an entire day this way, sometimes more.