• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




    View RSS Feed

    DarkestDarkness

    Last edited 19/07/2020

    These days I tend to write mostly on my phone's DJ but I tend to go through periods where I alternate where I'm DJing.




    I am writing the dreams almost as I would if I were writing only to myself. The only exception is that in this DJ I only name people by their initials at most or a nickname's initial, unless it's relevant to the dream context, since I want the dreams to be understood/readable by anyone; even if you don't know who my friends are or people I know by name, I still want you to understand the immediate contexts as much as possible.

    Comments on the DJ are welcome. See my dream signs in the general notes under my profile avatar on the sidebar.

    Click to see all DJ entries with images that I made for them

    I don't often make images for dreams because I've usually forgotten most of the details I wanted to depict.


    1. clxxxi. Lizard form and strength, Introspection

      by , 10-17-2020 at 11:13 PM
      17th October 2020

      Fragment:

      Remember being my lizard form at some point and also for quite a while. Earlier in the dream I was offered a choice (by whom or what?) to have either nearly unlimited strength or nearly unlimited stamina. I picked strength.

      I remember flying through several somewhat surreal places with hybrid dragon wings that would appear and disappear.

      At one point, I'm in a sandy beach area and there are wasps or bees and I stamp on them, concerned for a second about what I was doing, but then remembering I had nothing to fear. This was pre-lucid, I had some awareness of being dreaming.

      In some other part, I'm destroying the outer structure of a concrete sky scraper and I'm eating or biting on people as they fall from the building. The building itself is falling and we are miles up in the air, impossibly high away from any other buildings. (Reminds me of UT levels)

      Rest of recall is muddled. Was awake for a while and forgot to try and retain recall properly.



      Notes:

      - The part of me that convinced me to fear nothing was the same that has come about unconsciously before. I have started to feel a much more direct connection to these parts of myself over the last months; these are the parts of me that do not actively speak through my mind except seemingly under rare circumstances such as in the visualisations I've done/experienced. These are parts of myself that I've had some sort of tacit awareness of for quite a long time but that previously I wasn't able to consciously "put my finger on". In more physical terms, the less conscious parts feel like something inside at the back of my head, but maybe this is some association I have created by accident.

      - I have absolutely no recall anymore about how the choice of "strength vs stamina" was offered to me, but I feel it was some sort of interface. I do seem to remember that in the dream my reasoning was that if I had unlimited stamina, it wouldn't necessarily allow me to do everything that I wanted to do. I think my experience of being weak when I was younger had some influence on this too. Lately there's been a fair bit of "processing" of some of my childhood, such as those instances recently where I was actually younger in my dreams.

      - Flight and flying by own means hasn't really ever been of any special interest to me in dreams but I think the experience with wings was novel enough for me to enjoy it, though I still prefer it when flight in dreams happens by use of a jet or space ship.
    2. cxli.

      by , 08-19-2020 at 08:01 PM
      7th July 2020

      Dream (somewhat fragmented):

      Some mix of walking and racing around a city. There was a long track that lapped at a military train station of some kind and looped around through a somewhat futuristic city and some mountains and sea side cliffs. I think I lapped around a couple of times at least. The track was a mix of dirt and train tracks along the non-city parts, so the car would transform or something as it went on and off the rail tracks. The moments during which I was driving were all in third person view.

      (recall gap)

      At some point I was driving a tank past the check point where the race track supposedly lapped, somewhere in the city. A group of rebels appeared and melded out from the cheering crowds gathered around the city race track. The group of people had guns and they clung to me and demanded "the truth" (not of me, it was their chant?). I was not their ally but not their enemy either. I carried on moving forward and some point I'm me and not in the tank anymore, and I'm going through this cramped and small hall of a sci-fi, neon-lit mall. It's kind of dark but the neon signs made a stark contrast.

      (at some point there's a transition, maybe not instant but gradual, though my recall of it has faded)

      The rather large group of rebels was much smaller now. I was now in a giant cavern and this much smaller (less than ten people in total) group of rebels and their children had been following me for a while now after what I think had been quite some time walking; some of the kids kept holding on to me (in fear?) or clinging but I found this annoying at times since I was trying to move forward.

      In the huge cave there was this giant reptilian alien creature and it was fighting or attacking something. I remember running past its large open mouth and throwing a small nuclear bomb inside. Somehow I made it keep its mouth closed as I moved towards its tail.

      The bomb went off at this point and the light shone right through the scaly skin; there was a certain iridescence to the effect and there were plenty of vivid colour. Because I was at the back at this point, I remember making note that it was a female (based on the genitals) and the creature began to feel weak and was sort of hanging on its knees.

      Then I remember being the same size as it; I sort of rolled it over on its back and then it was a (friendly) dog. I was trying to be careful because some of those people were still nearby and now they were tiny. I gave the dog some kind of pill like a tranquillising medicine, without too much resistance; the giant dog began to look a bit out of it and happy. Then there was some kind of interface to choose how to reset or reprogram the creature's behaviour. There were two columns with a few options each.

      The dream ended shortly after this.



      Notes:
      - Even only after waking up I thought that the general setting of this dream was very interesting. The sci-fi type city and the scenic landscapes are generally appealing and come to think of it, are both subjects I'd like to be better at portraying artistically.
      -- I remember some picturesque sunset views at some point, around the seaside cliff areas.
      - This was one of those dreams that felt quite long, where I feel there are many parts of the dream that I did experience but simply could not recall solidly once awake.
      - The whole thing with the rebels and the city makes me think of the Hunger Games for some reason, though I don't think I'd rewatched it recently at the time of this dream.
      -- I don't remember clearly anymore what was the general emotional state of the rebels and their children when we were in the cave, but my mind says "fear" at the moment; but the way the children were hanging on to me was more playful, in the same way that as when I was a child I might have done when being playful with my parents.
      - The nuclear bomb and the shiny effect were probably in part brought on by playing Borderlands 3 and using a character skill that enables miniaturised nuclear warheads to be fired, and in part probably by Fallout and its Fatman too.
      - Rolling over the creature (dog at that point) was very akin to my experience of having to give my dog medication, though in this case there was actually more willingness to receive the medication.

      Updated 08-19-2020 at 08:03 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes
    3. cxxxi. Lucidity! And self-indulgence

      by , 08-04-2020 at 01:07 PM
      4th August 2020 ~11:30

      Dream:

      Near the end of a stupidly long non-lucid part; I was falling through a pipe, I was with a squad to take something out in a facility. But then as I was falling, everything seemed still.

      I was in a void of sorts and time seemed to pass slower, the others were still here with me. It felt like being in water, and there was a similar visual effect. The squad leader, turned to me and said "you must pick the right one this time!" and I suddenly saw a vision of who to pick.

      Then I was in a room. There were three guardians and some other characters. I picked the one from my vision. It was true that it was the start of a cycle that I was now breaking, at the start of this long non-lucid part I was in a very similar situation.

      But this time I had picked "correctly". As a result, my consciousness shifted, I was now the guardian I'd picked. I noticed my hands, I had three fingers and one thumb. I became lucid but it came slowly, not like in the past.

      There was no "aha!" moment or sudden shift. I realised I was in a version of my mom's first office room. The characters were gone, I think; and to confirm my lucidity further I grabbed a metal shelving unit in the room and threw it through a wall, fully expecting it to go through as if it were a ghost, and it did!

      I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, since I hadn't fully expect to be lucid. I decided to indulge in one of my fantasies and decided to become a giant anthropomorphic lizard. It sort of worked... I saw myself in third person, wearing a labcoat (my artificial dream sign) as an anthro lizard. But I wanted to be myself in first person, I get tired of seeing things in third person in dreams and so I willed it and then was myself as the lizard. I looked down and saw the city-sprawl below me. I had reptilian-like feet with claws and I could see I had an emerald green skin but it was not as dark as I wanted. I tried to give myself different sexual features but it didn't work either.

      I was happy enough the transformation worked in the basic sense in any case and started to have some fun by putting myself against the ground and sort of rubbing along it for lack of better words. I paused and checked my hands again, just having a good look at them. They were hardly as scaly as I'd expected and this felt disappointing but I carried on. I remember noticing the atmosphere effect but oddly enough when I was standing I didn't notice the curvature effect of the planet. I was big enough that I should have been able to notice it.

      While the terrain did get sort of crunched/destroyed/etc by whatever I did, I wasn't able to see the cities in any great amount of detail and could not notice any mountains either. I was too big I suppose. I could feel my tail at several points but overall the feel of my body was mostly whole/complete.

      Spoiler for Self-indulged arousal:


      After this self-indulging, I realised the city/landscape I'd been having fun on and with was really just a square section in a rather large room. At the edges, the atmosphere effect sort of cut off, it was interesting.

      I was standing up and looked around the room for the first time; lots of metal pipes and dark metal things, like grates and slits where some natural light came through from. It had an extremely industrial look. As I looked around I still felt that I was very big, but the room's scale made me feel smaller in a sense, despite how much room I took.


      My lucidity was fading a little and I'd become a bit bored, I didn't expect to end my fantasy so soon but this was obviously the result of not pre-planning any of this. I saw a character less than half my size, by a sewer-tunnel looking bit. I approached, I asked him "Who are you?", quite curious about this metal-flesh sort of monster, the look only describable as being drawn from many such archetypes.

      He gave me a reply veiled in mystery, that I cannot recall anymore, but he did not answer my question in its most basic form and I didn't think of asking again. I got bored of him and decided he was quoting from something, but I forget what he was saying, unfortunately.

      I looked around again. This felt so different from my previous lucid experiences. I was calm, and it didn't take much effort to be calm; the dream was far less vivid and detailed than other lucids and indeed even less than some non-lucids, but I appreciated this moment. I enjoyed not feeling my daily pain.

      Then, out of nowhere, I heard a deep echoing voice. It told me "You must kill your brother, remember?". Some less conscious part of me, replied automatically "I know, I know! But not now." Before I could add anything of my own will, the voice spoke again to the effect of "Very well, he shall be kept alive for now." The voice faded completely and I simply finished by again automatically saying "Good."

      I didn't appreciate this family-related intrusion into my lucidity but realised it was from a deeper part and so didn't really wish to alter it.

      My lucidity may have been fading again but I decided to simply explore these strange halls, carelessly stepping over that square world I'd been playing with earlier and heading for a doorway on the opposite corner from where I was. There were many artificial warm light accents around the metal halls. I eventually found myself on a gantry bit and there were random people both there and on a lower tier. I played around with some telekinesis on some red and blue barrels, trying to lob them but doing so poorly at first. I started to gain a more intuitive understanding as I did it but it did not feel as "mentally driven" as I'd expected, having to move my hands a fair bit.

      My form had been consistent through my lucidity, I still had reptilian traits and my hands were clawed now, I recall. A random human character next to me looked up to me and said "Don't throw them with your arms like a real barrel." Or something like that. I understood from this to use hand motions more. I tried lifting a barrel and pulling it toward me, having done so too much and then pushing it forward a little more with some related hand motions.

      I tried to hit a person in the lower tier with the barrel but it didn't quite work or something. Then I went down some stairs. I was in a mall area and my lucidity was fading but not gone. A dream character was upset with me, he was some manager for the mall. "You're ruining everything with your lucidity!" He said, or something.

      He was extremely upset that I was doing whatever I pleased. There was a woman nearby I'd somehow gotten fired or something (but she was all the more happy about it) and the man became angry and he wanted to have a serious go at me now.
      But I somehow just turned it against him, kind of willing some help from the woman and she automatically started defending me, distracting the manager man. I was no longer lucid at this point and had been letting myself go along with the dream too much. Eventually I just woke up.



      Edit:

      Spoiler for Notes (in spoiler due to their length):

      Updated 08-04-2020 at 05:12 PM by 95293

      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid , memorable , side notes
    4. xl. The black lizard and the BFG

      by , 09-20-2018 at 02:10 PM
      Non-dream stuff - I wrote most of this non-lucid dream on a tablet while cooking lunch, as I didn't get a chance to do so before that. Managed to remember a lot of detail, but not some missing bits from transitions and the like, unfortunately.



      Dream:
      I remember being some place outside. I was getting a big weapon. The poor memory I have of the outline makes me think of a black bfg. I had a small van like the one my partner has. It was a cloudy and grey day. I put the weapon in the back of the van.

      I remember the presence of my middle sibling and I think we spoke at some point, about the weapon. It was very rare and valuable.

      Then there's a transition and it implied I took it some place else. I was now in my "lair" and I was a dinosaur/monster like something out of the game Monster Hunter. The weapon was on a rock, safely secured somehow and I remembering seing an orange glow on its outline, like an item pickup in a game.

      Then I looked at the top right corner of a visual interface and it said 33,000,000 or so, and it was money I had.

      Another big black monster that looked like a Komodo dragon or some sort of lizard appeared and he wanted the weapon. I remember he had a deep voice but I don't remember any words. He wanted to take it by force so we fought for a bit and he tried to attack the things making the weapon secure, without much success. I think he ended up scurrying away.

      I then was in a human form and in a black mustang-y type car, seeing it from third person like in many free roam games, and I drove at some speed toward a "waypoint" where I would find the black lizard. I was driving through a city and it was a bit dark at first. I got to a wide river, and I remember I could see an industrial estate type place across the way. I couldn't cross with the car and "remembered" I could summon a jet, so I summoned a bomber jet and got in and took off; the city was more like a complex megapolis now and it was a clear and sunny day.

      Somewhat unexpectedly I wasn't controlling the jet too well, and had a few near-hits with buildings; there were drag forces I don't remember noticing before when flying these in games and the tall and branched buildings made it difficult to navigate at high speed but after through the mega city jungle I was arriving over my waypoint so I jumped out of the jet, landing somewhere near my waypoint, which was a bunker entrance. It became night again and there were military personnel that didn't look like they were going to let me inside but they didn't threaten me with their weapons so I rushed through the entrance, into some dark and dimly lit concrete halls. The few lights that existed were weak fluorescent lights.

      There wasn't much staff inside this bunker and I seemed to have lost the guards. In this section of the dream I can't actually remember what form I took, possibly alternating between human and lizard form; but I found the black lizard in a small room behind a classroom place that had window panes to an "open" underground area. It was still very dark but there was bright blue light from the large underground area. I assumed some kind of high tech generator though I don't remember looking.

      The black lizard was smaller than before, but though he was the same one as before, it was like he was younger now, hence his reduced size. I remember confronting him with more aggression and likewise back at me. I also remember thinking "why couldn't he just pay me a few millions for the weapon", also making me wonder how much money he had, which I assumed to be a lot.

      Unfortunately I can't remember what happened next in any detail and the dream ended shortly after.



      Notes (going into a bit of dream interpretation more than usual because of the dream's plot/context):
      - To me, the jet, the military staff and bunker are clearly based off my recent experience of playing Just Cause 3. Other elements from games are obviously present, like the weapon.
      - In the dream I did expect the jet control to be a lot more intuitive than it ended up being, but the giant branched buildings were very unexpected, because when I was on the ground I never spotted any.

      - Black seems to have been a very prevalent colour in this dream.
      - Black BFG, black lizard, black car, grey rocks, lots of places of darkness... Of contrast was the white van, the blue or tan jet and the shiny city buildings and blue sky when flying the jet.
      - Of note to me is that I immediately referenced the black lizard as male, and the fact that I was a lizard too, of some other colour, probably yellow or orange, indicates to me that the black lizard was likely a part of my Shadow and that I was playing some sort of Hero role.

      - I find that the Hero as represented by my less conscious mind tends to be too antagonistic towards the Shadow. This may just be a reflection of Hero portrayals in many typical stories. I personally see the Shadow archetype in general as a poor repressed fellow who needs attention or affection, rather than violence.
      - In my childhood pre-sleep lucids, the form of choice was usually a giant black lizard/dinosaur.

      - The last part of the dream has the most significance to me and follows a general pattern that my dreams sometimes take;
      -- The underground bunker goes down and deeper and gets darker and darker, which is a common process in my dreams, but the presence of a bright blue light at the end when confronting the black lizard in the darkness was somewhat unusual. I do usually have meaningful interactions with dark characters in these dream stages however.
      -- The fact that the black lizard was smaller and/or younger at the end makes me think that it is a part of my childhood that I've lost that I haven't been able to regain yet. As a child I was easily angry and aggressive, which was more or less the behaviour of the black lizard.



      Edit from 2 years after having first made this entry (altered some spacings above and corrected typos too):

      - As I re-read my dream and the notes, I realised that not once did I actually mention the colour of the black lizard's eyes, but I think due to some "memory corruption" I have mistakenly defined them as being blue. I think my error came from the memory of the light in the final scenes of the dream, where there was that incredible bright blue light beyond the glass.

      - My only guess is that my brain linked the two things together to define that the lizard's eyes were blue of the same colour. I think I am fine with this association either way and perhaps while it wasn't the actual colour in the dream, it doesn't really matter seeing as it was my subconscious that made that association to begin with!

      - Although I didn't describe it as such in the entry, I do remember that it was a semi-spherical room that the blue energy was contained in. It was a room of very large proportion, definitely based on some sci-fi stuff I've seen.

      Updated 08-08-2020 at 09:04 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes