• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    DarkestDarkness

    Last edited 19/07/2020

    These days I tend to write mostly on my phone's DJ but I tend to go through periods where I alternate where I'm DJing.




    I am writing the dreams almost as I would if I were writing only to myself. The only exception is that in this DJ I only name people by their initials at most or a nickname's initial, unless it's relevant to the dream context, since I want the dreams to be understood/readable by anyone; even if you don't know who my friends are or people I know by name, I still want you to understand the immediate contexts as much as possible.

    Comments on the DJ are welcome. See my dream signs in the general notes under my profile avatar on the sidebar.

    Click to see all DJ entries with images that I made for them

    I don't often make images for dreams because I've usually forgotten most of the details I wanted to depict.


    1. clx. Familiar church, Boss in a dark area

      by , 09-12-2020 at 03:38 PM
      3rd September 2020

      Fragment:

      Some garden, part of a big house. Remember being there with someone else but not sure who now; also there were some dream characters that were like old schoolmates? I remember the house vaguely, a bit like a manor and fancy glass? Gardens with low hedges.

      Then I remember walking down a street, typical appearance of my native country, cobbled paths, a road in along the middle, walls painted a white colour. It was daytime, overcast? At a church entrance with my sibling T and at some point we're both waiting for dad, but eventually we go in I think. Dad had gone to a car garage?

      The church was at the end of the street from before. The church was built out of big limestone blocks.

      4th September 2020

      Fragment:

      End of dream, dark area, maybe night time. Sort of urban? There were buildings and maybe scaffolding, wooden planking. There was this wide open hall area but it was still dark or poorly lit and it lead into a more central chamber. Maybe there was a hole in the middle of that chamber? There was a very blue light coming from below and a boss of some kind. Felt like a mix of KF and WoW and the area seemed inspired by the Sceptre of God in PoE.



      Notes:

      - The church from the first fragment bears some resemblance to the church we used to go to as a family when I was younger.
      - I'm thinking now that it's interesting that dreams don't often feature dad, but in this case the dream featured an absence of dad. In my childhood I often felt dad was a bit absent. Besides mom, T was probably who I spent most time with from the direct family.
      - The blue light has made me curious. Blue lights often have a sort of recurring/stereotypical appearance in dark areas for me if I look back through dreams. There's usually an accompanying sense of mystery.
    2. clvii. TF2 and Uniforms shop

      by , 09-12-2020 at 01:21 AM
      More catching up.

      29th August 2020

      ~9:00


      Dream:

      Playing TF2 as Demo, don't remember for which team. Had the pipe bomb launcher, an RPG-7 too, but looked like the HL1 launcher...

      Later on in the dream, after a very slim win of the match, by kills score alone (would have been a draw otherwise), I am walking around with old classmates. Unusually, I feel tired in the dream. Then I think about covid, and how we aren't wearing any masks or anything. I remember a concrete building I'm in? Lots of staircases maybe. But well lit, overall, high ceilings too.

      The place outside looks like L. I walked out of some lobby place? I start to feel uncomfortable being so close to everyone else (because of covid), but nobody else seems to care.

      As we're going down some cobbled steps, I notice a uniforms shop. The stairs are very wide and go down quite a distance, but this seems typical of L. The logo reminds me of UPS, same colour scheme but not shape? I think to myself "I can buy a labcoat there, later", having some follow-up feelings about not wanting to have classmates around me for that. But unfortunately, despite my very clear dream sign thought, I didn't remember to do a RC, I think because I didn't see a visual cue of the DS advertised or on display at the shop.

      (relating to the feelings) I remember thinking that I didn't want to go in now since my classmates were around and I'd feel embarrassed. But I also think about how the shop looks closed anyway. Cloudy day? But not overcast?

      Then further down along the stairs or whatever, on the left, there's a pair of black and bearded/old vagabonds, one having a cane or long stick. I think I woke up after this while still going down the cobble steps of the stairway. I remember a (typical) long green railing in the middle, but I think this colour isn't used anymore actually.

      At the bottom of all the steps was a road cornering from the left to straight ahead, in terms relative to my own position. Squareish building on the bend across the road? Maybe quay or dock area further along. Visual recall is too poor after over a week since the dream now.

      ~9:12?

      Trying to fall asleep again as WBTB. Slideshow of 80s style VANS shoes advert? No visual recall of this anymore.

      ~10:40

      Fragment:

      Return to the first dream theme, was with old classmates again. Sausage rolls and other such typical pastries. No visual recall that I can gather.



      Notes:
      - Although I didn't realise it, I suppose there's a semi-direct link between uniforms and TF2. I thought it was curious that TF2 showed up in dreaming, since I haven't played it for years, though I have had passing thoughts of it recently.
      - Covid didn't start featuring in my dreams at all until recently, but I'm not entirely sure why yet.
      - The thoughts about my artificial DS would have been enough to prompt a RC in waking life.
      - The appearance of one of the vagabonds (to my recall) makes me think of some vagabond in the Matrix? Or some other stereotype appearance.
      - Old classmates have been reappearing a fair bit lately, it had become an uncommon DS for a while but seems to be getting common again. Need to re-think about significance for waking life purposes.
    3. cl. Three pears

      by , 09-03-2020 at 12:04 AM
      Really need to finish catching up on DJ, getting close to current dreams now. I also feel I maybe do need to start giving proper titles to my DJ entries for quicker reminders at a glance of what they're about. I don't like doing it sometimes because I often change my mind about what the focus of the dream was.

      11th August 2020

      Dream:


      Somewhat fragmented. One of the first parts was inside a building, nicely decorated. Public works type of building. Something about me needing a Greek lawyer, without this lawyer some cronies would just be able to punch me as much as they wanted or something? Marble flooring and generally ornate detailing. Don't remember much else.

      Then I remember coming out from my old home building's main entrance. I casually walked across the short distance to the entrance of the shop here. The fruit stands weren't where they'd normally be. They were all piled up on top of one another by the entrance, kind of.

      There was a basket with green pears. The entrance seemed wider than I remember it? Theo was standing there, watching, so I asked him for some of those pears and he asked how many. Three, I replied for whatever reason.

      He put the pears in a clear plastic bag and then I walked closer and he gave them to me. Then I went in the shop and he returned to his usual business. It was surprisingly busy inside. The layout was a slightly altered version of how I remember it, but with a bit of expansion that wouldn't be physically possible. (In which direction?)

      I roamed around inside the shop. There was a display counter (where he'd typically have the cheeses, hams, etc.) and I saw some of those heart shaped pastries I like in there. I got two and put them away somehow, in a bag? I remember looking around a bit more but then the next thing I remember is being outside and walking back toward the building's entrance.

      Mom came out of the main entrance, I think, and T was arriving from the main entry point into the cul-de-sac. I remember thinking this was all in good timing, as we could then have an afternoon snack together or something.



      Notes:
      - I think I feel this dream is something of a closing chapter on some of my older memories. My family looked as they do now and I felt as I do now. But the shop had already changed after I first left. Theo no longer owns and runs it and that's a part of my childhood that will remain nothing more than a memory now.
      - I can't remember why three may have been significant (three can always be significant for whatever reason we want, there were three pears and three of us and so on...) but the dream's choice of fruit in the pear was probably because I had recently had thoughts about having pears, a fruit I haven't had in quite a long time now.

      - Though I don't remember the details specifically anymore, I think it was a sunny day.

      - I have a rather peculiar thing with timings, for some reason. The encounter of my mom and my sibling just as I'm coming back to the building's entrance is just such a simple example of my peculiar timings but over the last few months I have found myself having a lot of passing thoughts about my timings.
    4. cxlviii.

      by , 08-31-2020 at 01:49 AM
      8th August 2020 8:30

      Fragment (DFLN thread):

      Recall faded somewhat. Left too long before deciding to type.

      Was underwater, felt something like Conan:Exiles but overall it was a mixture of different things. (nice and specific as always... )

      A cutscene of an event? Something about having a wee, or reproducing? A giant blue or dark teal female-like character had phallic tentacles from their genital area and they wrapped them around me or my character and left some kind of "seed". (my visual recall of this seems to have faded, but I remember it was quite distinct)

      Then something similar happened again? But with a different creature. Then I remember being equally big and trying to protect some smaller spawn.

      A wave of zeds from KF appeared and I used my giant arms to simply swat them away as they swam closer?

      Some other part, going up in a lift in a rush after escaping while fighting. Remember using a shotgun in a first-person mode. As the lift made a stop, there was a character. A deer, or half-deer. Something about the hooves was important? I remember a divinely glow of some kind behind the character... But not sure now.

      Then, further along, inside a gigantic tree that had been planted earlier (when?) but could sort of see inside out or something when looking up, weird perspective stuff. A bit cinematic-y.

      Fragment:


      Drawing on tablet?



      8th August 2020 10:10

      Fragment:

      In the old kitchen at the old home. Something about mom making a deal, or promise? With me, or with dad, who was also in the room. There's some cooking going on, I was making something soupy, or sauce-like.

      In an earlier part of the dream, playing with H in some GTA or SR-like game. I remember using a very large tank that took up two lanes, and then eventually simply decided to spawn or summon a jet, like one from JC3, but I got a fighter by accident instead of a bomber like I meant to, but I just carried on and got in it. Went over some restricted zone and started shooting at generic henchmen. I remember a city and a lot of water. Maybe a bit futuristic.

      Fragment:

      Mixed/incomplete recall. My cousin T ate some little sweet thing. It did something to her behaviour and I think her sister was there too. Something about me babysitting or taking care of them? Weird dream place, vivid-ish colours.



      Notes:
      - For a while now me and H have been playing KF2 on and off together, the zeds were probably just a leak-through of that. But I haven't really played C:E in forever, but have thought about it.
      - Not sure what was the specific source for the giant characters. Need to make mental note to look through old sketches.
      - The deer character was an unusual appearance. I think it was partly precipitated by the interactions I've had with Occipitalred here on DV. Deer-type animals are not the type I give a lot of conscious attention, though I did paint a deer character some six weeks ago (at the time of writing this).
      - The "mistake" of summoning the wrong jet is of particular significance for me because in JC3 I got very used to flying the more sluggish bomber and really pushing it to its limits.

      Updated 09-01-2020 at 02:00 PM by 95293

      Categories
      side notes , non-lucid , dream fragment
    5. cxlvii.

      by , 08-31-2020 at 01:31 AM
      Chronological re-direction entry;

      2nd August 2020

      4th August 2020 - 1

      4th August 2020 - 2 (lucid)



      5th August 2020

      Fragment:


      Canyons and ravines. Going around with someone else, but don't recall who.

      Eventually something about escaping or getting away. An alien "saucer" ship. Vision, of an alien communicating in an unknown language, as if on a holographic screen/display. One word stands out from the alien's speak however: Hyperdrive.

      I need to find a hyperdrive for these aliens, or find a suitable person to repair theirs maybe, I remember thinking. The drive would be mounted at the top of their ship?

      Still in the same dream, in my old home's building in the stairwell. Something seems different from how it should be. I go to one of the in-between level landings and go through one of the storage areas behind the frosted glass. They have a door on the other side which leads to a different, but mirror version of the stairwells. I don't question this in the dream, but it would have been a very good point for a RC, as this construct would be physically impossible in reality, there would be a drop on the other side, not a mirror version.

      The stairwell was well lit by natural light, but still many dark contrasts. Unlike in present day, the stairwell had no automatic lights.



      6th August 2020

      Fragment:

      Some early dream part was something about sending waves of hundreds of "native" fighters, fighting for some cause that a faction I belonged to was pursuing. These native fighters kept being annihilated by the enemy, which was simply better equipped.

      After this happened more than a few times (I remember seeing it, but not being there), I went to the fronts myself, only to find that there was no strategist in place here and so felt it was no wonder they kept getting slaughtered by the enemy. Lack of equipment could have been substituted by adequate and cautious strategy to defeat these openly arrogant enemies.

      Fragment:

      By the end of this dream I was watching some kind of live concert? There was a white female singer in the centre of a room. She started to sing a song I don't know, it was titled "Snowflake" or something. At first I thought that it was going to be silly, but then I found myself relating to the lyrics of her song, feeling like it was a song that could have come from H's perspective about me. The lyrics started off something like "something as simple as; merry Christmas!; is enough to [something] my snowflake".

      In-line note: Re-writing this here now, it seems there's still a lingering emotional link, despite not remember the dream very well visually; this suggests to me that this is attached to a very specific part of my subconscious, as I only have a few specific instances of this happening.

      Because I found myself relating to the lyrics so oddly and so specifically, I did a reality check. I had the correct number of fingers, and my fingers wouldn't pass through my palms, so I decided perhaps too quickly that reality was consistent enough that I wasn't dreaming.

      I remember the whole thing was all very "sing-along", with people in an audience playing their own instruments, in perfect time with the music, somehow just right, with no flaws at all.



      Extra note:

      - The music in the singing lady dream was, to my memory, completely dream-generated, but it did have elements of old timey singing/melody, which H does listen to a fair bit and I usually listen to as well when H does.
      - The first fragment from the 6th came from an incredibly long dream, I remember being in a lot of different places, mostly tents, trenches, battle-scarred streets, etc. I remember many scenes of both brightness and darkness, but I seem to be remembering an overly orange, sandy tone to the dream.
    6. cxlvi. Phobia Therapy

      by , 08-30-2020 at 07:50 PM
      30th July 2020

      Dream: (DFLN thread) (self-memo: be sure to re-read Sageous comment and my own reply)

      Was at some therapist's office. Looked to be a typical rented office space. I went in and saw a doctor "Hodstatdr Lester" (note, this is my original spelling in the original entry), he insisted gently that I call him Lester.

      He was a well-built man, with a mostly round head (bald?) and with a deep voice. He wore glasses.

      We sat opposite each other on identical chairs. Lightly stained pine frames with blue textile cushions (deep blue?).

      He began by asking me what he could help me with and by saying remarking something about whether or not it would be worth our time, mutually.

      I talked for a little bit, I don't have a recall of the specifics but then I said I had two unresolved phobias. He seemed to nod compliantly and asked me to go on. I remember thinking about what I wanted to say, and then saying it, an unusual process for me during conversation.

      "Well, one of my phobias is what's on your shirt." I said
      "Pockets?" He said with a look of surprise.
      "No" I replied, making a motion with my index running along my sternum.
      "Ah, you mean buttons" He replied.

      I interrupted with "Yes" because I had(have) an aversion to even saying the word at times.

      "Well, you have a [unintelligible prefix]-phobia" He then stated.

      I also had in mind that I wanted to talk about another unresolved phobia. But oddly enough I couldn't remember what it was (and still can't).

      In any case, I said that this phobia name sounded familiar, and just as we were about to start discussing it, I woke up.

      Original notes:

      - While I felt like I could trust him, hesitantly, this feeling was mostly further compromised by the fact that the chairs were oriented in a way that made him be slightly my left and I to his right. This could have been corrected easily when I sat down, by simply turning the chair in a different angle.
      - In addition, the room was large. 6x6 mtrs or so at a guess. But apart from our chairs it was a completely empty office. The floor was carpeted?
      - Finally, there were two windows. One behind and left of the therapist (from my pov) and another one out of sight in the far right corner of the room. It was day time and so the two windows were the only light sources.

      Scraps:

      Mentalist dream, something about young children getting their fingers stamped with hot seals? This was part of some imagined thoughts at some point.

      Something about being in my old home's kitchen, the light was on. Absence of light and darkness from outside. Odd. Mom and T were in the kitchen? Something about cooking, and then a bat flew in and mom notified us, after I'd already spotted it. It was light brown in colour, caramel coloured even.

      One of the very first dreams? Was in a tank in some place near a warehouse and I was shooting civilians with tank shells, because they were being uncooperative somehow. I remember troops on foot scattering from a rear formation to take control of the civilians and the immediate area.
    7. cxxxiv.

      by , 08-10-2020 at 01:02 PM
      21st June 2020

      Fragment:

      My phone needed charging and I was at home with H. I went to get a charger for my phone and plugged it in; there was arcing/sparking and a flash.

      I opened the back of the phone and took the cable off it and saw that the battery had bulged slightly in one place. And the cable specs said it provided 2.9v rather than what it supposedly needed, 5v.

      Fragment:

      Some bit around my home town. I'm in the car, with mom and dad. Mom complains about being nearly 11:30 even though the dash says 10:30. Mom was complaining because we had to be there (at the destination?) and my siblings weren't ready or in the car with us yet.

      Dad took us to some cafe, or restaurant? Near where the pools in my old home town are.

      Fragment:

      In the kitchen at our current home. I was going to take codeine, but it had been prescribed for something other than pain, like allergies?



      Notes:
      - The part in the car with mom and dad is a typical scenario that might happen when we all still lived together, when I was a kid/teen.
      - At the time I'm making these notes (10th of August), I am on medication that means that I can't take codeine too; this would probably be a good cue for RCing since I know it would be dangerous to actually take the codeine currently.
    8. cxxx. Pre-cursor

      by , 08-04-2020 at 12:24 PM
      4th August 2020 8:30

      Dream (Fragmented):

      Fairly long and vivid, completely continuous all the way through, though I remember the last parts better, mostly.

      + The very first bit I recall, was in a maintenance tunnel of sorts. It was a typical grey-white looking tunnel, painted brickwork, artificial and cold lights, but quite bright. There was piping painted the same way. I was configuring a gun that fired four shots simultaneously and each barrel could be re-rolled to have a random element. I remember testing the gun each time I re-rolled the stats.

      + In one earlier bit I was around my old home area and was going to play basketball with some black friends, after I'd asked what they were up to or something. We got to a basketball arena of some kind, it looked odd, it was indoors now and was all rusty and/or fleshy. I didn't care much. In the end the game was more like half basketball, half rugby and somehow I needed my sibling T's help to finish the game so I had to go find him or something.

      Then, the last part;

      I was at some sort of religious gathering, there were pews and there was a seat reserved for a representative of each major religion and some seats reserved for representatives of other smaller religions, but the representatives themselves were absent. A woman appeared, she was dressed in what I can only remember as a "revealing" dress; she was a seductress of some sort and teased these religious representatives. But they knew her as is if she did this regularly and they let themselves be entertained by her presence.

      I was stuck behind a screen of some sort, like an acrylic screen. Then I got out of that place somehow. My old school friend, JC, appeared at some point when I was outside. Dark and moody streets, maybe a bit wet even. Night time but lit by neon signs and other such things. Me and JC knocked someone out and I remember shooting a group of patrolling guards in a line, taking each one out. Then JC took a hazmat from one of these guys.

      (Cut some of this bit short because of my pain)

      We walked at brisk pace, for quite a long way; through a city, then a mall, a toilet roll store (with vividly coloured packaging), then a baby store, inside an ASDA/Walmart place and then we get held up in some queue for the supermarket. So we started running and jumped over a balcony or stair bit onto an outdoor area, and the crowd stuck in the queue got angered by this for some reason and many of them followed suit. It was day time, I remember around noon or afternoon. Sunny and I recall the grass by the side of the pavement and general greenery.

      I tried to sprint. Running felt slow, but not as bad as in nightmares from my childhood. It mostly just felt annoying, but someone nearly tripped me up from behind (stepping on my heel). I didn't look back but sort of had a rear vision? JC caught up to me and took off the hazmat mask. We approached a gas station next to where his home supposedly was in the dream. JC shot a guard that he'd initially forgotten was there. I told him he was an idiot, because they had cameras at the gas station, and what had he just done? Taken his mask off.

      But we were on the final stretch to getting to his home and I woke up, sweating, as seems to be normal when I have these vivid and intense dreams.



      Notes:
      - I haven't seen JC in a dream in a while but oddly enough his likeness was very much as I remember it from my teens, when I was at school with him. He was slightly shorter than me too.
      - The basketball arena was odd but I think it probably came from recently playing certain games; for some reason the concept of arena was enough to cause the two things to associate this way.
      - T's appearance matched the dirty and partly grotesque appearance of the arena.

      - This DJ entry is called pre-cursor because of the next entry, which took place today too.
    9. cxxvi.

      by , 07-31-2020 at 03:06 PM
      31st May

      Several dreams, remember a few fragments of each.

      Dream Fragment:


      In one dream I was at my old home, in my bedroom. It was night time but the light was either on or quite bright from outside anyway. The balcony door was open, but blocked by closed curtains. The curtains that were there were the old ones from many years ago. They were white and a warm yellow. The colours inverted with one another on a bottom trim, which must be at least half a yard high or something.

      While I was noticing the pattern on the curtains, the wind was blowing sort of strongly but gently, making them sort of billow out, which in the dream reminded me of how a labcoat flows when someone is moving with one on. It was a sort of pre-lucid moment but it didn't last since I didn't actually end up questioning reality.

      I think then I walked across to where my desk used to be, but I don't really remember what happened next. Possibly it was a transition or something into another of the dream fragments I have.

      Dream Fragment:

      I was playing some space game, just starting out on it. I remember a main menu, and it looked a bit like the Starmade game, though it wasn't really like it either. But it had a desolate and empty feeling to it. I remember I was configuring a new world, but I don't really remember more than that.

      Dream Fragment:

      Some fragment of one of H's schematics. Obsessive thoughts about ohms and resistance. There were specific values in the dream but the memory is lost to me.

      Dream:

      Outside on a street. Looks like my native area or the city nearby. Though it is day time, it looks overcast and desaturated. I walk on some cobbled pavement, and I'm headed towards a store or shop? Maybe a barber or hairdresser, something about the windows it had made me feel or think this. The windows were not see-through, they had like full-sized vynil stickers on them, as a style thing primarily I think but also as a sort of advertising. I don't remember what images were displayed, but something relating to the human figure overall.

      There were other dreams but I don't remember them.
    10. cxvii.

      by , 07-19-2020 at 11:21 AM
      7th May

      Dream:

      Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

      It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

      In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

      Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

      Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.



      Notes:
      - The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
      - Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

      Updated 07-20-2020 at 10:19 AM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    11. cx.

      by , 04-05-2020 at 02:43 AM
      A few dreams from this morning. On one of the earlier awakenings I decided to make notes and stay up to try and force myself back into more usual sleeping habits. Some in-line notes.



      Dream:

      I was in my old home's bedroom. H and mom were there. H had set up this pipe organ for me (though there were no pipes anywhere) and though I was actually playing poorly I was reading the notation extremely well which pleased me since I'm usually terrible at doing this. But in the dream it was assumed (by myself and the characters) that I was in fact playing well too. I remember walking into the kitchen after trying to play some pedal notes, and mom was there making some food. She was cooking some meats like beef chunks and black sausage type of thing in the big cast aluminium pan. It looked odd, and traditional, but seemed like it could be nice too.

      Mom was disappointed though, she said if I "can play the organ, then why can't you do the dishes?". In the dream I felt that there was no reason I couldn't do the dishes, but I felt the need to argue her statement because I had never had any piano lessons or any suchlike, which L and T did; I also presented the fact I was (apparently) doing really well with playing and the fact that I had never really understood music at all in the school, so this was a success or improvement over that. I felt some disappointment myself that mom couldn't just cherish this. In the dream I remember at some later point standing in the corridor and hearing L playing some DOTA game, and I think T was just in their own room, in the dark, which lead me to assume T was sleeping for some reason. It was night time through out the entire dream.

      Dream:

      Dreamed something a bit like the game I had played the last night (and this night) with H, in some watery and dark underground place. But then there were some fire enemies and I ran into a stairwell as I made distance from them; then the situation was a lot less game-like and more realistic and though I didn't feel afraid because of the fire, I made my way up the stairwell anyway, as did some other random people that appeared, some of which I apparently already knew on a personal level, classmates in the dream context or something.

      I took my time going up the steps for whatever reason, sort of fooling around by doing a full step by actually stepping on every bit of each step with my feet as smoke would start from each place I had just stepped on. This went on for a short while, after which I continued going on up the stairs. I walked into a room from one of the stair landings, with some random girl my age or so? I opened a window to the fire escape for the building. I do remember a girl (Sol) I knew from school a long time ago, who seemed to be in the dream as filler. As I looked out the window and opened a latch on its left side, I could see a fireman on a ladder approaching (and emergency lights?) and as he got closer and came in through the window we told him it was nothing to worry about really.

      I remember there was some antagonistic element to the dream from when I was climbing the stairs earlier; there was this group of angry radicals from downstairs who insisted on something about the fire and basically made a big deal out of nothing. The firemen that came through the window shrugged and sincerely said it would be fine since there was nothing to worry about and they told us that they'd switch the main power on in a second. Weird, since it hadn't seemed to be off at all. There was some side or sub-plot, involving a Gollum from China or something, who was being tortured. (Probably from recently playing Fallout)

      Dream:


      Super cheesy 80s programme intro, of a show apparently called "Rexxar : Star Trek". I was watching it on Youtube or something like it, with quite a focus "tunnel vision".

      There was a vividly clear music with a leading electric guitar and other typical sounds from the 80s and some generic synth sounds. The visual elements of the montage were defined by the fact that they were little square "cuts" of other scenes, presumably from the programme itself, presenting the whole thing in a certain cheesy feel. Those square cuts mostly featured head shots of sexy and almost half naked women and some of the cuts had stills of Rexxar from Warcraft, as well as mini montage being featured in one of these square cuts showing a cartoony/kids-style but real cake of Rexxar being made or put together.

      Everything in the video montages had a very pure white backdrop thing going on. Despite the cheesy aspect, the dream video was amazingly vivid, just as the music.

      The characters, the women, were nobody that I recognise(d) and just felt like generic constructs appropriate for the context, but there was some underlying feeling of them being famous within the context.

      The dream ended shortly after this intro video, when the show "started" by showing some sort of big teddy bear thing on a swivel chair in a very fancy post modern designer house. Vividness was much lower as soon as the intro cut to this sequence. I remember thinking in the dream that the whole thing was somewhat stupid, and that it had nothing to do with Rexxar (despite the featured cuts).
    12. cvii.

      by , 04-01-2020 at 12:48 PM
      A particularly long dream. I had other dreams from earlier awakenings, but again I did not make any notes because of how tired I felt, it felt like too much effort. The other dreams weren't as vivid as the long one anyway.

      Edit: Self-memo: The original dream notes for this dream are not as extensive because I stopped writing them when I started writing this DJ entry to try and get as much detail from the lingering dream memories.



      Dream:

      Starting from the end back; when I was woken up by H placing their hand on my head and speaking to me in waking life, I was walking with some determination towards a parked yellow car in the distance, at an earlier location that was prominent in several parts of the dream earlier; beside the car were shows, yellow too and this was important to me in the dream for some reason. On waking up I had a slight annoyance that I couldn't get to them now that I was awake, but this lingering feeling passed quickly.

      This place was a distorted version of the area immediately outside my old home. It was day time, early morning with beautiful sunlight and the cul-de-sac was three or four times longer than it should be, somewhat wider too but not half as much as that. The whole area also sloped up gently on the more distorted side (the side that I never had much reason to be in). There was a zig-zag of pavement with cars parked along it, many of which were red or yellow, many being a mix of the two, like a VW type van which was mostly red but had a yellow boot door.

      I had just been at a door to a shop of some kind? I was with Ni and a kid from my childhood, but I don't remember exactly who it was, possibly P, short dark hair, spiky? At this door, Ni asked if my shoes could be painted yellow there and some voice or something decided "no". At this point in the dream or earlier I remember looking down and seeing I had some sort of fabric shoes, like those that we often used for indoor gym classes in my childhood. The shoes were white, as they would be, but for some reason, I had yellow sweat pants, the same tone of yellow as every other yellow that had shown up so far in other dream elements. I remember thinking the white and yellow matched fine, but for some reason this wasn't enough to stop me from wanting the shoes to be yellow too.

      Before we got to the shop and we were walking "up" the cul-de-sac, there was a more normal layout. There was a truck double-parking behind some cars, all too common, but it supposedly had dye or paint of the colour I wanted but it had been at this point that Ni and the other one appeared and "guided" me toward the door. I was a bit disappointed because I was sure the truck's paint would be fine, though after they appeared I got the impression maybe I was going to be stealing from the truck or something.

      Up to this point I had been running around and faffing about on the more prominent dream location immediately in front of my old building. It was like a room but not. There were sofas and other things typical of a living room I think, but there was this big group of kids, mostly teen girls and some teen boys. I was annoyed with them because of what they'd done before, and because they were being passive-aggressive to me now too. I was looking incessantly for a laptop that I knew I had left on a table in the middle of these sofas, but these teens had moved everything since I had last been here in the dream, everything was covered in their stuff; bags, coats, etc. I remember looking through many laptop-bag like bags but it wasn't in any of them. I even looked in a bag that had a multi-bag tag* to it. After looking in that bag I remember something about a text command which may have been why I couldn't find it, but at that point I got distracted by someone and then the whole yellow shoes thing began.

      Before that, I remember going through a wide hall, the exit for which was on the wall of the building and lead to that sofa area. The hall was dark, with an impression of night time to it despite being indoors. There were two of these teen girls doing some kind of work out on some bars on the ceiling, practically twisting themselves around the bars in some kind of pull-up exercise. They looked at me with mocking faces, I was very annoyed with them at this point already.

      Before that part, I remember being in a forest on the other side of this hallway-tunnel. I think I was heading toward it when I had tripped and the group of teens, who I was walking together with, started to kick me. The girls were especially mean, kicking me very hard and then when it was over I remember feeling like it was all going to bruise. I felt angry that they abused me as a group and I could see some sort of interface thing that showed me their avatars, their nicknames and how many times each of them kicked me. I told myself I was going to keep this to report them and to show at a hospital when I got there for treatment. At this point I was convinced I was going to go to a hospital, as soon as I could, because I was afraid of massive bruising over my body, especially my face and head. Maybe I was concerned about internal bleeding too or something. Although in the dream I don't remember pain as I would from waking life, I still had a dream perception of having been extensively hurt.

      Before this, I remember a fairly peaceful forest, day time, possibly afternoon judging by the yellowed colour of the light. It was a specific type of pine forest typical of my native country, the ground was dry I seem to remember, despite a number of ferns here and there or grass. There had been something about socks and the laptop at this early point of the dream but unfortunately I'm having difficulty recalling anything else; I have the feeling there was a transition of scene before this that put me in that forest, but I can't remember details before it.



      Notes:
      - When I was 8-10 is when I knew Ni and potentially some of these teens.
      - I remember at that age there was someone I knew from school who had some gold nike shoes or something. I remember liking the shoes, especially because of the gold colour, as I've always been partial to gold.
      - The main reason I can think of for the antagonism in the dream is because at school I had a very difficult time getting any of the girls from my classes to like me, even when I was being nice it'd often be the case that I was ridiculed, something that I think was partly driven by boys that these girls did like.
      - In the dream I think the yellow shoes thing was something about making a point.
      - Although the dream heavily featured things from my teen life (11-17 mostly), I didn't have the perception of being any younger than I am now; I think a lot of these types of situations in dreams for me are always with me being my current age because I don't particularly feel any different now than I did from 5, 10, 20 years ago, aside from my pain problems.
      - More of a passing thought: At school I was almost always the youngest in a class, or amongst the youngest. In my family I am the youngest too, and interestingly Ni (who basically tried helping me in the dream) is one of the younger ones in his family, too.
      - The contents of the bag that had the "multi-bag" tag were "quantic" and could be accessed from other bags too, a feature I've often used in modded Minecraft, incidentally a game I started playing in my late teens before it was even popular or had such extensive modding.

      Updated 04-01-2020 at 12:50 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes
    13. cv.

      by , 03-25-2020 at 12:17 PM
      Some non-lucid stuff that I can remember from this morning. Only made note of the first dream in my initial morning notes.




      Dream:


      I was with dad, I think at a mall. It was like the one close to home but it was different somehow, though I had the same sense of familiarity. We were walking through the large and bright halls and as we turned around a corner we stopped, because I spotted this shop that sold ice cream and other stuff, like some pastries typical of my country and cotton candy. I wanted some of these deep fried things they had, even though I didn't feel all that hungry. I think it was just because it's been so long I had any. Not sure what dad wanted, but ice cream I think.

      We approached the counter and two other people were being served. There were two guys behind the counter too, so I thought one of them was available and I pointed at something and asked about it. Before there was any reply, dad said "let the other people get served first" but for some reason, in the dream's context I had the ability to snap my fingers to toggle how busy the dream location was. Doing this had a completely intuitive feel. I did snap my right hand's fingers and the people being served simply disappeared, as did many other people walking by around us.

      Now I asked about the food thing again. He explained they were long deep fried "waffles". Some were flavoured banana, strawberry or vanilla, with the possibility of a crusty looking chocolate topping, although I think it was more like icing.

      I asked for one of the vanilla waffle things. While I was being handed my waffle and then tasting it, I think dad was getting something for himself. The taste was somewhat overly sweet, and bland at the same time (dream characteristic which didn't phase me), but it didn't taste of vanilla very much at all. My problem with the taste however, was the texture, as I was expecting something nice and crunchy, but it was completely soft. I felt disappointed and the few bites I took made me feel full really quickly anyway. I don't remember what I did with it and I don't remember either of us paying.

      Then we continued walking through the mall, but into a different section which wasn't as open or light. In fact it felt pretty dark despite there being lights on. We walked into a supermarket inside the mall and I remember wandering around looking for something, but I don't remember what anymore. Eventually, empty-handed I went to the checkout area. I'm not sure it was dad that was with me anymore at this point.

      But at the checkout there was a couple, they were buying a desktop computer oddly enough and they wanted help from an attendant because the computer "weighs 24kg and we can't carry it", I thought to myself that despite my weakness, this couple was just being pathetic or lazy. I did think about the effort of carrying it all the way to their car in the parking sub-levels, but I also thought it wasn't really fair to ask the attendant to do that.

      Then the man from the couple started being weird, handling the computer case with relative ease he swung it around and it hit the checkout counter, on which I was sat. For some reason I was just sat there and observing. As he did hit the counter with the case, the attendant didn't even flinch like she hadn't noticed. He did it again a few times, harder this time. Now the case was visibly damaged and warped. At first the damage seemed passable, but for whatever reason I was able to look inside; I quickly told them that the circuit boards were cracked because of the metal plates pushing in and that it was no good now. The man started being upset and demanding compensation or something. Again I didn't think this was fair and either I said or thought "you break it, you buy it". The attendant seemed to be handling it though, but it made me feel no respect for this man.

      There was a transition then. I don't remember where I was now, but I had some kind of interface. I could select worlds or something?

      Then I remember a cutscene of some kind, it was in space. I could see several planets in a star system, and before it happened I knew the star was about to explode, and it did, in a green supernova, the planets burning away in a green flame of sorts. Strangely enough in the dream it was like I already knew about this cutscene (but it's the first time I've seen/dreamt it) so I was using some camera control tools or something to see the scene from different angles than it would normally play through.

      I don't remember much else from this dream other than some vague memories of night sky and stars.

      Dream Fragment:


      At my old home, in my old room. I think what brought this dream on was some thoughts I had before bed about how my old room's balcony has never felt safe, and how I always fear mom may slip some day, or that I may somehow feel compelled to jump out of it (in madness or some other irrational state).

      It was a sort of night time, a twilight of some kind. I walked into the room a bit further and saw my sibling T in the balcony. He had a top on but was otherwise naked, this was odd and bothered me on some level but I ignored it and we talked about something. From the balcony, below, I could see my other sibling was arriving with S in a white smart car. Then the doorbell rang and I walked out of the room and went to answer it, I already knew it was going to be L and S but I still picked up the intercomm set and asked who it was. I felt like I was being like dad for doing this (even though I don't remember dad ever doing this type of thing). L replied at first and I asked "who?" because I couldn't understand, then S spoke and her voice made it clear who they were and I pressed the button to open the building door.

      Dream Fragment:

      Driving, or being driven? With H. Not sure what car, but the landscape and town was a mix of my native home areas and some other places. I enjoyed the view of the nearby mountains in the dream. I remember we went over a bridge or two and there were two towns next to each other. It was day time, but sort of dark despite everything looking bright? Like I was seeing everything through heavily tinted glass, but I don't think the car's glass was tinted at all.



      Notes:
      - Last night as I had the thoughts about my old room and the balcony, I did think that it might cause me to have a dream about it. It's a shame I didn't take the opportunity to think about becoming lucid should it happen, as there were plenty of cues in that dream that could have resulted in some state of lucidity, but didn't. Keeping intention of noticing dream signs seems particularly poor for me, but I really think my sleep quality doesn't help.
      - The thing with the dream-controlling finger snapping is typical of something my dad does in his non-lucid dreams too, so either that knowledge has created some kind of bias on me, or it's a trait that can be developed because of our personalities, or perhaps simply hereditary somehow. A point of note about it is that I play games a lot where "control" comes easily, so it may simply be a reflection of how there's a lot of self-agency in that type of context.
      - The pastry type thing I wanted from the shop was more like a churro or something, but the thing I was given didn't really look like one. I actually remember they had some churro looking things locked up in a clear plastic chest that was hung on a wall on the customer side of the counter. I remember feeling like asking about it but like it would be too much bother to get one.
    14. cii.

      by , 03-23-2020 at 02:23 AM
      A few fragments but I remembered some more detail as I read and rewrote my notes from the morning.


      Dream:

      In the old version of the square in my home town. It’s altered compared to my actual memory of it however. It was a bigger area somehow; this may relate to the fact that my memories of this version only exist from my childhood as it changed pretty early on in my life. But the dream takes place in a present time.

      I have abilities from Diablo 2, more specifically Sorceress and Amazon abilities. I remember an interface overlay like in the game where I could pick the spells from.

      Noteably I remember the explosive arrow and glacial spike abilities, but on closer inspection the glacial spike was actually called frostga.

      I was shooting a bow with explosive arrows at these two guys that were just running around a bit aimlessly I think. They just wouldn’t die though and I kept running out of mana, for some reason glacial spike used a lot but explosive arrows didn’t (some uniques in the game granted it as a passive modifier, derived from that?).

      Dream Fragment:

      I remember there were transitions but the main place in the dream was this Egypt themed zone like a level from Unreal Tournament. It was night time and the zone in itself was more like a floating platform high up I. The sky. It had the shape of a circle but extended out of itself into “knots” on four corners?

      Despite being night time it was fairly bright, moonlit mostly. But there were glitches with the lighting, like the level wasn’t finished properly, so some objects and areas were just far too bright like the gamma was wrong just for those bits but I accepted this as something that does happen.

      Dream:

      Was with mom and dad in the car, we were downtown but everything looked so different, more like a post modern and brand new style than what I think I would have expected, which would be old buildings.

      Dad was commenting on how empty the entire area was. I don’t remember commenting myself. Nothing felt surprising or unusual in the dream. We went past some museums, one had written in big block capitals at its entrance: PAPU or something of the sort. As we went past it, I saw an ascending escalator inside the museum through some large and curved glass panes. I had a deja vu in the dream when I saw this.

      We went a bit further along and I remember having thoughts about how this area was supposed to be for modern cars only or that it had been pedestrianised. We arrived near the square next to the river but it all seemed pedestrianised and like we weren’t supposed to be in the car here but dad didn’t realise.

      A blonde or fake blonde and sort of nearly pale white lady walked up to us and then we weren’t in the car anymore but I thought nothing of it. She told dad that he couldn’t drive here, only “on the basement level” (to park?). There was a platform with road on it that was a lift that went underground just a bit ahead; I think I saw this before the lady was there, but I remember interacting with some console which had a blue GUI with options displayed. The last and only option I remember said something like “1950s (1980)”.
    15. xcix.

      by , 03-14-2020 at 02:57 AM
      Dream fragment from the 13th.


      Fragment:

      I was in some altered version of my old home, in particular it seemed to be centred around my first bedroom in the house but the layout of everything was completely different, and the halls and ceilings were much bigger. Perhaps a reflection of the different perspective from when I was very young (4-6?), but in the dream I was just the age I am now. I think I remember daylight coming from outside. In many senses the physical context of the dream was very reminiscent of my earliest conscious memory of waking life.

      There were a lot of family characters present, mostly aunts from dad's side and my direct family in itself.

      I don't remember many of the details anymore but one of the main dream plots was that there was this mouse which was no bigger than my closed fist, minus the tail. For whatever reason, I wanted to build it a nest near the top of one of the walls in "my room". I remember getting some wicker type material to make the nest with, or maybe like hay. But it had a paper-like texture, at any rate. I wanted the nest to be atop a pipe or pole that would be attached to the wall (visually reminded me of a wastepipe) so that the mouse could run up and down to and from the nest. The mouse had typical light brown fur.


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