lucid

I usually preface my journal entries with a little bit of background about the past few days or that night specifically. I haven't DJed in a while because even though I'm getting a couple dreams of recall a night, for some reason I always felt a strange aversion to doing it while home. I don't really know why, but tonight I induced my third ever lucid dream so it's definitely a sign that I need to DJ again! I went to bed at 11pm after eating so much dessert and too much food probably. I now have a blistering headache probably because I usually don't eat any dessert at all or carbs. Today was brutal for my body!

I set my alarm for 4:55am and I didn't have any dreams that I recall until that buzzer went off. It was the first time in a while I was totally conscious after the buzzer sounded. I moved only a little and did a couple of multiplication problems in my head. I focused some consciousness on my hands and affirmed that I would have a lucid dream and I would recognize the dream state. I guess I was right!


Dream 1-- Lucid Dream #3

I am in this room with Dean. It's like a play room or something. There is a carpet on the ground, a rocking horse to my left, a TV with some cartoon on, a shelf with some books, and us. I feel like a kid and Dean kinda appears to be a little bit younger. I knew him for a long time so that might make sense.

Anyway, I'm watching the TV and Dean comes over in front of the TV and asks if I want to take this pill, which is called EACL in the dream. He looks really happy and excited, so I'm like sure. I take it and it makes everything around me change. I suddenly have full senses and am fully participating in the dream, but I don't exactly know that I am in a dream, I just know that I have full control and that everything feels amazing. I start crawling on my hands and knees in a direction away from Dean. He follows me a little bit, pretty close behind me. As I stop, I feel his forearm pressing into the back on my dick. It feels really good, and I am flooded with a feeling of pleasure, but then I kick him in the knee, causing him to collapse against a bookshelf. He doesn't look hurt or anything, but he says "ow" in a monotone voice. In that instant, I feel a pang of anger and sadness simultaneously. I have this thought like "I shouldn't have kicked him in the knee, that was naughty of me" and at the same time "I'm angry as shit because you did that." I look over at him and I say "Don't touch my dick with your forearm" in a really angry tone. I get up and walk over to the TV again, and sit down and watch. I hear his footsteps walking over to where I am sitting and he sits next to the rocking horse watching the TV as well. I go in to PassObs while still being lucid and I start to have these vivid thoughts that replay the dream in my mind and what was said/done. I start to regret kicking him but I feel really good about standing up for myself and not letting him do something to me that I didn't want.

Dream 2-- Police in my House

This dream is actually a continuation of the last dream because as soon as the previous one ends I have a false awakening in my bed and have this really strange feeling like I was just in the corner of my room facing the wall. I rationalize that I must have had the previous dream while facing the wall and walked back over to the bed. Then, I hear the alarm for my house go off, and I hear my parents downstairs. They are playing around and I hear my dad and mom start chasing eachother around the kitchen table. I start having vivid thoughts about how it might be possible that Dad could slip and fall and break his four front teeth. If that happened, he might go to a doctor and get perfect white teeth that would starkly contrast all his other teeth, and he would be walking around with 4 giant white teeth in front and all the rest would be small and greenish. I suddenly stopped thinking about that and had the urge to walk downstairs.

I don't remember this journey, but now I am in my laundry room with my parents, and the door to the garage is open. They tell me the police are outside and they are going to be searching the house. My dad turns to me an says in a private voice "Will they find anything in the garage apartment?" I try to think back to the last time I used it, and I start have these vivid memories about events that never actually occurred. I start picturing the apartment in my mind, the layout and everything. I can see my bag lying in the middle of the floor because I left it there, and then I the vivid imagery continues with the police walking up to the room and seeing the bag with marijuana blantantly lying in the middle of the ground. I have doubts about this image, but I have the definite knowledge that weed is somewhere in that room.

The room changes as I come back into the "real" situation in the laundry room. There is now a new door that never existed before and a police man in a tan jacket, hat, and pants is knocking on. He has a gun in his hand and I can see him through the glass window/door. My mom starts to walk over to the door, but the next thing I know there is a cop coming out of the side of the wall it seems. He is pointing his gun straight at me, so I raise my hands in the air. He is just staring at me, and I can feel my hands in the air. I'm thinking "I'm defenseless I have no weapons, and even if I did my hands are in the air" He tells me to start walking, and I turn around and start to walk away from the garage and into my main house.

I don't remember the short 5 step interim journey into my living room, but there is a cop dressed in the same tan outfit just laying down on a living room couch just chatting on his phone, twirling his gun around his finger. He's being really casual and I have this thought of confusion but also certainty that we are 1) in a movie and 2) the police aren't police but rather thieves trying to take all of our money and kill us. I walk to the back of the room. My sister and family and other people are there.

I walk over to a table in the corner and then look over at the "police" who are just relaxing on the couches. I walk toward a doorway and see an iphone laying on the table with a bright screen that says "ibpad (2)" as in this person got 2 text messages from the name ibpad. I slide the thing at the bottom of the phone and immediately start walking forward because I see the woman who might own the phone walking back into the room. I walk up to her so that my body is in the doorway and she is trying to walk past me. I instantly introduce myself "Hi, I'm Casper" and she is obviously trying to walk past me, but I just stand there and then she looks up and does a fake smile saying "Hi, I'm Evelyn" then I continue to not move. I rub my eyes because I am sleepy and say "How are you?" trying to make friendly conversation because I know she is trying to get to her phone and I feel like its my mission to stop her.

Eventually I get her talking about something and then my sisters walk up and we start having a real conversation that she can't really walk away from. In the middle of it, I look over at the police again and at the TV screen we have in our living room. The screen is a blown up picture of the messages on her iphone! As I look over and try to read the text, everyone else looks over and she is like "Shit!" I can't read the text in time, but suddenly the whole scene changes. I walk over to the fireplace and watch my dad talk to some asian guy who apparently goes to my school. He tells my dad he is going to be taking a 7th century military history class, and my ears perk up because I had a dream earlier in the year that I was taking that class and all it involved was playing on the computer in the form of some military strategy game. I'm listening intently to their conversation and he shows does the syllabus for the class. Dad reads it and after about two seconds he says "I'd be fine in this class until about the first Sunday, damn there are so many papers" Immediately i start to feel anxious and worried that I have to do all of these assignments that I never turned in and I start feeling stupid for not reading the syllabus, which gives a day-to-day report on what is due.

I look at the TV again, and it's baseball. Everybody is dressed in all white and I see the batter hit the ball pretty well. He starts running and I wake up.

Dream 3-- Spider Nightmare

This dream is the scariest fucking dream I have ever had. Not because of some ridiculous clown or my inability to run away from something, but that it represents something in my life so accurately but in a symbolic way that when I woke up and remembered the dream I started to convulse and cry for about 2 minutes. Even thinking about it now makes me a little uneasy.

The dream starts off in the same living room as before, but this time it's just me and my oldest sister. We are hanging out I don't really remember anything specific standing out. Suddenly, a spider drops down and lands on me. It crawls underneath my shirt, and I start to freak out. I'm screaming and trying to get her to help me but she doesn't understand what's going on. I pull out my iphone to determine what the extent of the problem is. I look up the type of spider that just crawled underneath my shirt, and it gives me this really long definition of this spider that involves some fucked up rules.

The spider is basically stuck underneath my shirt until someone other than myself removes it. As long as I try to remove it, it will have the ability to crawl away and avoid me. I won't be able to lift it off or grab it because it will just wiggle away. I won't enjoy having it underneath my shirt either. Not only will I be able to permanently feel it there, crawling around and just perched on my back, but everytime I eat something it will gnaw my kidneys and eat away at my core until I am dead. These rules scare the shit out of me and I immeditaely implore my sister to to remove the spider. I freak out and jump around and try to get the spider off of me. I'm still wearing my white shirt, so I just try to feel where it is on my back and grab it or brush it off, but it runs around on my back and even to my stomache. It just keeps crawling around and I can never get it off.

My sister tries something but it doesn't work, so she gives up and tells me we have to go get on the bus. I'm still freaking out but suddenly I am riding on this bus. There are a lot of people I know on this bus, and I am sitting in the back row, alone. I am trying to figure out how to get this spider off of me. I can't lean back into the seat and I can feel it start gnawing away at me. I almost cry on the spot because I feel helpless to change this horrible situation. I try to talk to the people around me but they don't seem to listen. The person across the aisle from me won't look at me when I try to talk to him, and my sister who is in the row in front of me turns around and gives me some food to eat. She tells me I just have a stomache ache and it will all go away. I start eating the food and remember that one of the rules was that the spider would eat away at my back equal to the amount of food I ate. I start feeling a seering pain in my right back/side and I feel so awful. I cry, I almost resign myself to death.

Then we are out of the bus, and we are on some beach. There is a lot of people gathering for a game of flag football to my left. I still feel the spider, and I am seated on a hill. As I am looking over, I hear one captain of one team call my name. He yells over to me "Casper, Dallas (which is my original home town)". I want to get up and play but I remember that I have this spider. Three girls who are standing up start talking to me from my right. They are all really pretty and I know one girl from Cru. We start talking and it's casual like "Hey, what's up" I get into this whole monologue about Cru and I feel really stupid and like I should stop talking and that everyone finds me weird. I have stopped thinking about the spider though.

Sitting, I fall backwards to a laying down position, and that randomly brings me into a tent. I am laying next to some asian guy. We are talking a little bit, but I find the conversation boring and start focusing on my shoes. I tell him that these skateboarding shoes are the coolest things ever invented and that they look so good when people take pictures of them. I start moving the shoe in different angles and just observing the shoe move. Then I wake up and remember my dream about 15 minutes later and start to cry/convulse.

I couldn't fall back asleep after all of these dream occurred so I said 'fuck it' and got out of bed to write in my DJ before starting my day. I have a horrible head ache and I need some advil. I couldn't fall back asleep because these dreams really preoccupied me while I was trying to relax.

Dream 1-- DILD! *Dreamsign: HSfriend* Task of the Month

YES!! I finally had my second lucid dream after trying to induce lucids for over a week now! I'm so psyched because even though I'm officially attempting to achieve lucidity through the WILD technique, I'm managing to recognize my dream signs while in the dream state! This is really encouraging because these dreamsigns recur so much, and are so common that if I can really start consistently seeing them as such then I should be lucid almost all the time! Also, I think it helped that I was thinking about the task of the month as a something to do after I became lucid because I completed it as soon as I became lucid!

The dream starts off with me walking down this open field at night with no one around me. I am walking on grass, and I can see a bunch of stuff in the distance, but I have this feeling like I know exactly where I am going. I keep walking for about a minute and eventually find myself sitting on a porch with Dean, William and an old man. I look over at Dean and he is lying down on some stairs, and I think that's typical for Dean, who would normally come over to my house and just sleep on my couch.

Will, the old man and I are talking about some important topic I can't specifically recall right now. Suddenly there is this loud noise to the right and it's this truck that is trying to back into it's logical space. It's making a lot of noise and it has to go through a long, drawn out procedure of getting through this tiny space in order to park. It pulls forward, and shifts positions and goes back. It's hard to explain but the entire process takes about 2 minutes to complete. After it's done I l walk over and see that the truck has compacted to the size of a normal car, and I think that is really weird how it all happened.

When I go back to talk to Will, I recognize him as an HSfriend (friend from high school) and immediately I become lucid! I tell him that I am lucid and that I have full control over my dream and I can do whatever I want right now. He sits and just looks at me silently. I then tell him that I have always looked up to him and that I think he is really cool. He says "whoa." I don't know what else to say so I walk past him and find another of my high school friends, Sean. He walks up to me and says "I love you, man" and gives me a big hug. I say "I love you too dude, thank you." When we are hugging, I close my eyes and things go black, which causes me to start to lose lucidity. I remember that I can spin around, so I start to spin but my brain sort of comes back into my body and I can feel my body spinning in a dream while my body is remaining still on the bed. It feels really weird because I have the sensation that I'm spinning in the bed while I'm not moving at all.

Dream 2-- PassObs Degrassi

So I'm watching an episode of Degrassi, and everything seems to be going according to the Degrassi-esque drama, but I'm passobs the whole time. I'm just the camera watching all the action, and there is a line of thoughts that follow as the scene progresses. After about 30 seconds, the characters all change and the storyline becomes something really weird.

In every episode of Degrassi there are usually multiple stories that progress in segments and the show will switch from one story to another constantly. In one of my stories, Abed from the show Community thinks that he is gay so he is going into a doctor's office to check. For most of my dream he is waiting in the waiting room looking around nervously. The last Abed scene, a doctor in the form of Chevy Chase (who is also in Community) comes out and tells Abed that his results are ready. There is a close up of his face looking worried, and then a far-away shot of him following the doctor through these two glass doors.

In another story, there are these two people who are apparently cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend with eachother. In one scene they are having sex and it looks like the scene from fight club where it's really blurry and slowed down. You can't really tell what's going on but you know they are having sex and one scene will kind of mold into the other. I see her totally naked and I have this thought like 'I don't think they can show boobs on this show' but that doesn't stop the dream. The boobs and the woman's body morph into the guys face and suddenly they are in a different sexual position. It's hard to explain, but I remember paying attention to how the bodies morphed and how her boobs became his nose. It was really interesting to watch and observe.

In the last story, I was actually involved, but I can't remember it that well. I am running down a long corridor with black and white checkers on a marble floor beneath me. The corridor is rather narrow and I can see that it gets smaller up ahead. I am running and at first it doesn't seem like I'm making progress, but somehow I imagine that there are people in the opening, which makes me complete the journey really fast. I guess I took my mind off the corridor situation, which made it a non-issue. When I reach the opening there are HSfriends again, but I don't go lucid this time. We all talk for a while about a problem going on in the house we are in. It's really dramatic and we all have to search for something, but it's too blurry at this point.

Dream Fragment 1-- BC Movie

I just got home from Boston where I was watching the Yale/Harvard football game and visiting my friend at BU. While at BU I was thinking about how I went over to BC during my college tours and had to compare the two campuses.

In my dream, I am walking on concrete in no specific path, but once again I have this feeling like I know where I am going. It's raining/drizzling but I don't have the feeling like I am getting wet or that I am cold at all. I walk into this building and there are students sitting in chairs facing a TV screen. Also, there is a woman who is standing behind a podium and looking out at all of us. she is obviously a representative for the college. All the kids sitting are watching a movie, and I decide to remain standing behind all of the chairs. I adopt a wide stance and I remember thinking about how wide my stance was and naming it "solid." I physically tried to avoid watching what was on the TV because I didn't want to get sucked in. This is what I do in real life now. I don't watch TV and I don't watch movies because they drag me into the PassObs state so well. I try to RC all the time now when I am typing up my dream journal because I will realize that I am not even paying attention to the noise of the keyboard or the feeling of sitting in the chair!!

Suddenly, I am talking to H. Huffines because he was one person that I wanted to visit while at BU who I never got a chance to see. I was thinking about him in real life. His dad also talks to me, but I don't remember to go lucid. I can't remember the dialogue, but it was nothing special.

False Awakening 1-- Pam offers me a Job

My alarm clock goes off at 5am to remind me to WILD. I remember that I am supposed to WILD and so I remain still and fall back asleep. I have a False Awakening in my bed and I turn to my side to see my mom's friend Pam on my laptop with glasses on. She is looking through e-mails or something and starts talking to me without looking at me. She tells me about this job opportunity she has as an actor's apprentice. I would follow him around and do his dirty work and get him shows and all of this stuff. The whole time I'm in passobs just not really "there." I don't look around, I have a lot of thoughts just swarming through my mind and I don't say anything. I wake up.

False Awakening 2-- Lawyer in my Den

This dream is scattered and happens directly after the first false awakening. I am a lawyer and I'm representing this client who I think is disabled. I don't specifically remember the facts of the case or why I am trying it, but I do remember looking through this light blue notebook filled to the brim with papers with all sorts of legal words. It's just passage after passage of what the client is saying, what the law is and other arguments. I try to read over these very carefully, and I actually start to get a photographic memory of what all the contents are as I'm flipping through the book! At first, I'm reading this outside. I'm in a chair and I'm leaning back with the notebook in my lap. there are about 6-7 pages that I read front and back. This clues me in to the whole case and what is going on.

Suddenly, without warning, I sit up and I am in this large comfy couch that we have in our downstairs den, which is a living room basically. I am talking to a client who is sitting in a chair at a table that is correctly placed in the layout of my den, and he isn't looking at me. He is looking to the left according to how I am looking at him, but it's straightforward for him. He is white, stocky, grey haired, and he looks rather sad, he had a light blue sweater on. We start talking about the case and I basically ask him a list of questions that I feel would apply to this case. The more questions I ask, however, the more I become passobs because I analyze the question I am asking, I analyze his answer, and I'm in my head about what to say or do next.

First, we start talking about the complaint and the laws surrounding the issue. He tries to direct me to pages where he addressed certain concerns Im brining up, but as Iflip through the pages I realize that all of the text is blurry and jumbled (a new dreamsign) so I stop trying to look. I just converse with him directly about the issue and begin asking him surprisingly poignant questions that I had never heard myself ask before. Things like "Do you admire his situation? Would you trade your life for his?" After this question there was a long silence. I stopped to think about what I just said, and I was really analyzing his face to gauge his reaction. He didn't say anything and I prompted him to speak, but he, in a whispering voice, said "I don't know."

Dream Fragment 2--

I'm on a Balcony alone. I'm looking down at all the clothes I am wearing and find myself getting really self-critical. I realize that I haven't shaved in four or five days and I start thinking about how unattractive that must look, and how stupid I am for not just getting it done. I start taking off my pants and realize that I have three pairs of pants on. The outer layer is a blue pair of sweatpants that says "Harvard" down the left leg. Underneath these pants I have my gym shorts, which I wore to sleep tonight. And underneath that I have some under armour to keep me warm. Interestingly, this mocks the amount of pants I was wearing around for the past two days in order to stay warm in the 30 degree Boston weather.