non-lucid

I usually preface my journal entries with a little bit of background about the past few days or that night specifically. I haven't DJed in a while because even though I'm getting a couple dreams of recall a night, for some reason I always felt a strange aversion to doing it while home. I don't really know why, but tonight I induced my third ever lucid dream so it's definitely a sign that I need to DJ again! I went to bed at 11pm after eating so much dessert and too much food probably. I now have a blistering headache probably because I usually don't eat any dessert at all or carbs. Today was brutal for my body!

I set my alarm for 4:55am and I didn't have any dreams that I recall until that buzzer went off. It was the first time in a while I was totally conscious after the buzzer sounded. I moved only a little and did a couple of multiplication problems in my head. I focused some consciousness on my hands and affirmed that I would have a lucid dream and I would recognize the dream state. I guess I was right!


Dream 1-- Lucid Dream #3

I am in this room with Dean. It's like a play room or something. There is a carpet on the ground, a rocking horse to my left, a TV with some cartoon on, a shelf with some books, and us. I feel like a kid and Dean kinda appears to be a little bit younger. I knew him for a long time so that might make sense.

Anyway, I'm watching the TV and Dean comes over in front of the TV and asks if I want to take this pill, which is called EACL in the dream. He looks really happy and excited, so I'm like sure. I take it and it makes everything around me change. I suddenly have full senses and am fully participating in the dream, but I don't exactly know that I am in a dream, I just know that I have full control and that everything feels amazing. I start crawling on my hands and knees in a direction away from Dean. He follows me a little bit, pretty close behind me. As I stop, I feel his forearm pressing into the back on my dick. It feels really good, and I am flooded with a feeling of pleasure, but then I kick him in the knee, causing him to collapse against a bookshelf. He doesn't look hurt or anything, but he says "ow" in a monotone voice. In that instant, I feel a pang of anger and sadness simultaneously. I have this thought like "I shouldn't have kicked him in the knee, that was naughty of me" and at the same time "I'm angry as shit because you did that." I look over at him and I say "Don't touch my dick with your forearm" in a really angry tone. I get up and walk over to the TV again, and sit down and watch. I hear his footsteps walking over to where I am sitting and he sits next to the rocking horse watching the TV as well. I go in to PassObs while still being lucid and I start to have these vivid thoughts that replay the dream in my mind and what was said/done. I start to regret kicking him but I feel really good about standing up for myself and not letting him do something to me that I didn't want.

Dream 2-- Police in my House

This dream is actually a continuation of the last dream because as soon as the previous one ends I have a false awakening in my bed and have this really strange feeling like I was just in the corner of my room facing the wall. I rationalize that I must have had the previous dream while facing the wall and walked back over to the bed. Then, I hear the alarm for my house go off, and I hear my parents downstairs. They are playing around and I hear my dad and mom start chasing eachother around the kitchen table. I start having vivid thoughts about how it might be possible that Dad could slip and fall and break his four front teeth. If that happened, he might go to a doctor and get perfect white teeth that would starkly contrast all his other teeth, and he would be walking around with 4 giant white teeth in front and all the rest would be small and greenish. I suddenly stopped thinking about that and had the urge to walk downstairs.

I don't remember this journey, but now I am in my laundry room with my parents, and the door to the garage is open. They tell me the police are outside and they are going to be searching the house. My dad turns to me an says in a private voice "Will they find anything in the garage apartment?" I try to think back to the last time I used it, and I start have these vivid memories about events that never actually occurred. I start picturing the apartment in my mind, the layout and everything. I can see my bag lying in the middle of the floor because I left it there, and then I the vivid imagery continues with the police walking up to the room and seeing the bag with marijuana blantantly lying in the middle of the ground. I have doubts about this image, but I have the definite knowledge that weed is somewhere in that room.

The room changes as I come back into the "real" situation in the laundry room. There is now a new door that never existed before and a police man in a tan jacket, hat, and pants is knocking on. He has a gun in his hand and I can see him through the glass window/door. My mom starts to walk over to the door, but the next thing I know there is a cop coming out of the side of the wall it seems. He is pointing his gun straight at me, so I raise my hands in the air. He is just staring at me, and I can feel my hands in the air. I'm thinking "I'm defenseless I have no weapons, and even if I did my hands are in the air" He tells me to start walking, and I turn around and start to walk away from the garage and into my main house.

I don't remember the short 5 step interim journey into my living room, but there is a cop dressed in the same tan outfit just laying down on a living room couch just chatting on his phone, twirling his gun around his finger. He's being really casual and I have this thought of confusion but also certainty that we are 1) in a movie and 2) the police aren't police but rather thieves trying to take all of our money and kill us. I walk to the back of the room. My sister and family and other people are there.

I walk over to a table in the corner and then look over at the "police" who are just relaxing on the couches. I walk toward a doorway and see an iphone laying on the table with a bright screen that says "ibpad (2)" as in this person got 2 text messages from the name ibpad. I slide the thing at the bottom of the phone and immediately start walking forward because I see the woman who might own the phone walking back into the room. I walk up to her so that my body is in the doorway and she is trying to walk past me. I instantly introduce myself "Hi, I'm Casper" and she is obviously trying to walk past me, but I just stand there and then she looks up and does a fake smile saying "Hi, I'm Evelyn" then I continue to not move. I rub my eyes because I am sleepy and say "How are you?" trying to make friendly conversation because I know she is trying to get to her phone and I feel like its my mission to stop her.

Eventually I get her talking about something and then my sisters walk up and we start having a real conversation that she can't really walk away from. In the middle of it, I look over at the police again and at the TV screen we have in our living room. The screen is a blown up picture of the messages on her iphone! As I look over and try to read the text, everyone else looks over and she is like "Shit!" I can't read the text in time, but suddenly the whole scene changes. I walk over to the fireplace and watch my dad talk to some asian guy who apparently goes to my school. He tells my dad he is going to be taking a 7th century military history class, and my ears perk up because I had a dream earlier in the year that I was taking that class and all it involved was playing on the computer in the form of some military strategy game. I'm listening intently to their conversation and he shows does the syllabus for the class. Dad reads it and after about two seconds he says "I'd be fine in this class until about the first Sunday, damn there are so many papers" Immediately i start to feel anxious and worried that I have to do all of these assignments that I never turned in and I start feeling stupid for not reading the syllabus, which gives a day-to-day report on what is due.

I look at the TV again, and it's baseball. Everybody is dressed in all white and I see the batter hit the ball pretty well. He starts running and I wake up.

Dream 3-- Spider Nightmare

This dream is the scariest fucking dream I have ever had. Not because of some ridiculous clown or my inability to run away from something, but that it represents something in my life so accurately but in a symbolic way that when I woke up and remembered the dream I started to convulse and cry for about 2 minutes. Even thinking about it now makes me a little uneasy.

The dream starts off in the same living room as before, but this time it's just me and my oldest sister. We are hanging out I don't really remember anything specific standing out. Suddenly, a spider drops down and lands on me. It crawls underneath my shirt, and I start to freak out. I'm screaming and trying to get her to help me but she doesn't understand what's going on. I pull out my iphone to determine what the extent of the problem is. I look up the type of spider that just crawled underneath my shirt, and it gives me this really long definition of this spider that involves some fucked up rules.

The spider is basically stuck underneath my shirt until someone other than myself removes it. As long as I try to remove it, it will have the ability to crawl away and avoid me. I won't be able to lift it off or grab it because it will just wiggle away. I won't enjoy having it underneath my shirt either. Not only will I be able to permanently feel it there, crawling around and just perched on my back, but everytime I eat something it will gnaw my kidneys and eat away at my core until I am dead. These rules scare the shit out of me and I immeditaely implore my sister to to remove the spider. I freak out and jump around and try to get the spider off of me. I'm still wearing my white shirt, so I just try to feel where it is on my back and grab it or brush it off, but it runs around on my back and even to my stomache. It just keeps crawling around and I can never get it off.

My sister tries something but it doesn't work, so she gives up and tells me we have to go get on the bus. I'm still freaking out but suddenly I am riding on this bus. There are a lot of people I know on this bus, and I am sitting in the back row, alone. I am trying to figure out how to get this spider off of me. I can't lean back into the seat and I can feel it start gnawing away at me. I almost cry on the spot because I feel helpless to change this horrible situation. I try to talk to the people around me but they don't seem to listen. The person across the aisle from me won't look at me when I try to talk to him, and my sister who is in the row in front of me turns around and gives me some food to eat. She tells me I just have a stomache ache and it will all go away. I start eating the food and remember that one of the rules was that the spider would eat away at my back equal to the amount of food I ate. I start feeling a seering pain in my right back/side and I feel so awful. I cry, I almost resign myself to death.

Then we are out of the bus, and we are on some beach. There is a lot of people gathering for a game of flag football to my left. I still feel the spider, and I am seated on a hill. As I am looking over, I hear one captain of one team call my name. He yells over to me "Casper, Dallas (which is my original home town)". I want to get up and play but I remember that I have this spider. Three girls who are standing up start talking to me from my right. They are all really pretty and I know one girl from Cru. We start talking and it's casual like "Hey, what's up" I get into this whole monologue about Cru and I feel really stupid and like I should stop talking and that everyone finds me weird. I have stopped thinking about the spider though.

Sitting, I fall backwards to a laying down position, and that randomly brings me into a tent. I am laying next to some asian guy. We are talking a little bit, but I find the conversation boring and start focusing on my shoes. I tell him that these skateboarding shoes are the coolest things ever invented and that they look so good when people take pictures of them. I start moving the shoe in different angles and just observing the shoe move. Then I wake up and remember my dream about 15 minutes later and start to cry/convulse.

I couldn't fall back asleep after all of these dream occurred so I said 'fuck it' and got out of bed to write in my DJ before starting my day. I have a horrible head ache and I need some advil. I couldn't fall back asleep because these dreams really preoccupied me while I was trying to relax.

Dream 1-- DILD! *Dreamsign: HSfriend* Task of the Month

YES!! I finally had my second lucid dream after trying to induce lucids for over a week now! I'm so psyched because even though I'm officially attempting to achieve lucidity through the WILD technique, I'm managing to recognize my dream signs while in the dream state! This is really encouraging because these dreamsigns recur so much, and are so common that if I can really start consistently seeing them as such then I should be lucid almost all the time! Also, I think it helped that I was thinking about the task of the month as a something to do after I became lucid because I completed it as soon as I became lucid!

The dream starts off with me walking down this open field at night with no one around me. I am walking on grass, and I can see a bunch of stuff in the distance, but I have this feeling like I know exactly where I am going. I keep walking for about a minute and eventually find myself sitting on a porch with Dean, William and an old man. I look over at Dean and he is lying down on some stairs, and I think that's typical for Dean, who would normally come over to my house and just sleep on my couch.

Will, the old man and I are talking about some important topic I can't specifically recall right now. Suddenly there is this loud noise to the right and it's this truck that is trying to back into it's logical space. It's making a lot of noise and it has to go through a long, drawn out procedure of getting through this tiny space in order to park. It pulls forward, and shifts positions and goes back. It's hard to explain but the entire process takes about 2 minutes to complete. After it's done I l walk over and see that the truck has compacted to the size of a normal car, and I think that is really weird how it all happened.

When I go back to talk to Will, I recognize him as an HSfriend (friend from high school) and immediately I become lucid! I tell him that I am lucid and that I have full control over my dream and I can do whatever I want right now. He sits and just looks at me silently. I then tell him that I have always looked up to him and that I think he is really cool. He says "whoa." I don't know what else to say so I walk past him and find another of my high school friends, Sean. He walks up to me and says "I love you, man" and gives me a big hug. I say "I love you too dude, thank you." When we are hugging, I close my eyes and things go black, which causes me to start to lose lucidity. I remember that I can spin around, so I start to spin but my brain sort of comes back into my body and I can feel my body spinning in a dream while my body is remaining still on the bed. It feels really weird because I have the sensation that I'm spinning in the bed while I'm not moving at all.

Dream 2-- PassObs Degrassi

So I'm watching an episode of Degrassi, and everything seems to be going according to the Degrassi-esque drama, but I'm passobs the whole time. I'm just the camera watching all the action, and there is a line of thoughts that follow as the scene progresses. After about 30 seconds, the characters all change and the storyline becomes something really weird.

In every episode of Degrassi there are usually multiple stories that progress in segments and the show will switch from one story to another constantly. In one of my stories, Abed from the show Community thinks that he is gay so he is going into a doctor's office to check. For most of my dream he is waiting in the waiting room looking around nervously. The last Abed scene, a doctor in the form of Chevy Chase (who is also in Community) comes out and tells Abed that his results are ready. There is a close up of his face looking worried, and then a far-away shot of him following the doctor through these two glass doors.

In another story, there are these two people who are apparently cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend with eachother. In one scene they are having sex and it looks like the scene from fight club where it's really blurry and slowed down. You can't really tell what's going on but you know they are having sex and one scene will kind of mold into the other. I see her totally naked and I have this thought like 'I don't think they can show boobs on this show' but that doesn't stop the dream. The boobs and the woman's body morph into the guys face and suddenly they are in a different sexual position. It's hard to explain, but I remember paying attention to how the bodies morphed and how her boobs became his nose. It was really interesting to watch and observe.

In the last story, I was actually involved, but I can't remember it that well. I am running down a long corridor with black and white checkers on a marble floor beneath me. The corridor is rather narrow and I can see that it gets smaller up ahead. I am running and at first it doesn't seem like I'm making progress, but somehow I imagine that there are people in the opening, which makes me complete the journey really fast. I guess I took my mind off the corridor situation, which made it a non-issue. When I reach the opening there are HSfriends again, but I don't go lucid this time. We all talk for a while about a problem going on in the house we are in. It's really dramatic and we all have to search for something, but it's too blurry at this point.

Dream Fragment 1-- BC Movie

I just got home from Boston where I was watching the Yale/Harvard football game and visiting my friend at BU. While at BU I was thinking about how I went over to BC during my college tours and had to compare the two campuses.

In my dream, I am walking on concrete in no specific path, but once again I have this feeling like I know where I am going. It's raining/drizzling but I don't have the feeling like I am getting wet or that I am cold at all. I walk into this building and there are students sitting in chairs facing a TV screen. Also, there is a woman who is standing behind a podium and looking out at all of us. she is obviously a representative for the college. All the kids sitting are watching a movie, and I decide to remain standing behind all of the chairs. I adopt a wide stance and I remember thinking about how wide my stance was and naming it "solid." I physically tried to avoid watching what was on the TV because I didn't want to get sucked in. This is what I do in real life now. I don't watch TV and I don't watch movies because they drag me into the PassObs state so well. I try to RC all the time now when I am typing up my dream journal because I will realize that I am not even paying attention to the noise of the keyboard or the feeling of sitting in the chair!!

Suddenly, I am talking to H. Huffines because he was one person that I wanted to visit while at BU who I never got a chance to see. I was thinking about him in real life. His dad also talks to me, but I don't remember to go lucid. I can't remember the dialogue, but it was nothing special.

False Awakening 1-- Pam offers me a Job

My alarm clock goes off at 5am to remind me to WILD. I remember that I am supposed to WILD and so I remain still and fall back asleep. I have a False Awakening in my bed and I turn to my side to see my mom's friend Pam on my laptop with glasses on. She is looking through e-mails or something and starts talking to me without looking at me. She tells me about this job opportunity she has as an actor's apprentice. I would follow him around and do his dirty work and get him shows and all of this stuff. The whole time I'm in passobs just not really "there." I don't look around, I have a lot of thoughts just swarming through my mind and I don't say anything. I wake up.

False Awakening 2-- Lawyer in my Den

This dream is scattered and happens directly after the first false awakening. I am a lawyer and I'm representing this client who I think is disabled. I don't specifically remember the facts of the case or why I am trying it, but I do remember looking through this light blue notebook filled to the brim with papers with all sorts of legal words. It's just passage after passage of what the client is saying, what the law is and other arguments. I try to read over these very carefully, and I actually start to get a photographic memory of what all the contents are as I'm flipping through the book! At first, I'm reading this outside. I'm in a chair and I'm leaning back with the notebook in my lap. there are about 6-7 pages that I read front and back. This clues me in to the whole case and what is going on.

Suddenly, without warning, I sit up and I am in this large comfy couch that we have in our downstairs den, which is a living room basically. I am talking to a client who is sitting in a chair at a table that is correctly placed in the layout of my den, and he isn't looking at me. He is looking to the left according to how I am looking at him, but it's straightforward for him. He is white, stocky, grey haired, and he looks rather sad, he had a light blue sweater on. We start talking about the case and I basically ask him a list of questions that I feel would apply to this case. The more questions I ask, however, the more I become passobs because I analyze the question I am asking, I analyze his answer, and I'm in my head about what to say or do next.

First, we start talking about the complaint and the laws surrounding the issue. He tries to direct me to pages where he addressed certain concerns Im brining up, but as Iflip through the pages I realize that all of the text is blurry and jumbled (a new dreamsign) so I stop trying to look. I just converse with him directly about the issue and begin asking him surprisingly poignant questions that I had never heard myself ask before. Things like "Do you admire his situation? Would you trade your life for his?" After this question there was a long silence. I stopped to think about what I just said, and I was really analyzing his face to gauge his reaction. He didn't say anything and I prompted him to speak, but he, in a whispering voice, said "I don't know."

Dream Fragment 2--

I'm on a Balcony alone. I'm looking down at all the clothes I am wearing and find myself getting really self-critical. I realize that I haven't shaved in four or five days and I start thinking about how unattractive that must look, and how stupid I am for not just getting it done. I start taking off my pants and realize that I have three pairs of pants on. The outer layer is a blue pair of sweatpants that says "Harvard" down the left leg. Underneath these pants I have my gym shorts, which I wore to sleep tonight. And underneath that I have some under armour to keep me warm. Interestingly, this mocks the amount of pants I was wearing around for the past two days in order to stay warm in the 30 degree Boston weather.

My dream recall really improved tonight, I had a lot of dreams, but I really remember a lot of fragments rather than these long and drawn out scenarios. I know that looking back it's actually very hard for me to distinguish some of my dreams from reality because they are mostly mundane and I have the PassObs state so pervasive in my dreams.

Dream 1-- HellBoy Reloaded

This movie has nothing to do with Hellboy, except that it has the main actress from the movie. I am PassObs in this dream, watching the movie as it unfolds before me. It feels like I'm caught in the trailer because she is narrating the whole time as I am observing, and there is a lot of mental commentary going on in the background of my mind.

So, the dream starts with her talking about herself and how she was a confused girl or something looking for love. Then I see a scene where she is inside of a giant cake that is being pushed down the hall. She has a similar costume as if she were in the movie Hellboy, thus the title. She says she is looking for love, and that her whole life turned around after this one event.

The cake gets pushed into a restaurant. And it's directly in the middle. Suddenly there are 5 guys, who I recognize as all competing for her love, that burst out in a murdering spree everyone in the restaurant. There are three guys who I basically discard and don't pay attention to. There is one guy with red hair, who I can't think of at the moment, and the last one is Wolverine! haha.

So I see Wolverine kill people, and then he takes this one guy out of the room by his claws. This whole time I'm thinking "how does she gets these men to like her?" "Maybe she just displays her real personality and whether or not they like her doesn't actually affect her because she has so many people who like her".. It's a really intricate thought process that I'm not doing justice to here, but I felt sad and depressed while thinking the thoughts. I was looking at the movie as a type of archetype for how to act, and I had this mental cycle that basically went "I'm not good enough, how do I get better?, the movie knows the answer so watch the movie and learn the right way."

Anyway, I follow Wolverine out into where he dragged the guy, and suddenly I'm in my cabana back in Dallas. I can't say for sure what happened after this because I had another dream at 5am that really scares me and might be a true account about what I did, but I am not for sure because I can only remember what I said happened.

Dream 2-- 5am continuation of dream 1

So, in this dream, everything repeats just like dream 1. When I follow Wolverine out I become aware that I am part of an assassination squad, and our group name is on this serving tray that looks exactly like what they would bring you for an order or room service. Once again, I am in my cabana.

I look around, and I am in this rectangular room, which doesn't actually resemble my cabana at all except the ground is carpetted a light blue and the doors are white. The tray disappears as I look back, and it is replaced by three of my high school friends: Stewart, AK, and a third person. I immediately announce to them that this is a dream and that I had just experienced this situation earlier, but I don't become lucid.

I explain to them in detail exactly what had happened, or at least what I remember. I cannot be sure if in this dream I am giving a true account of what happened in the original dream, but I seem pretty damn convinced, and everything I was describing was accurate.

So, I tell this is a dream, and I show them what I did. I walk over to a door, and I say, "I opened this door, and there's a bed and a TV, and I watched the TV from the bed." I open the door, and it initially it doesn't seem like there is a bed inside but I can see the TV. It doesn't matter, I don't look long enough to care. I walk over to another door and say and here is the exit. As I am walking over I can see the look on their faces is really freaked out/surprised. Both of their eyes are like in a way that is really exaggerated. I can't believe I didin't lucid this!! That's the end.

Dream 3-- Airport Group Bathroom

Some of my dreams that I have now-a-days seem to give me memories of dreams I've had in the past but WHILE I'M STILL IN THE DREAM. It's very weird. When I wake up I cannot remember having any dream like it, but in my dream mind I am sure of my location, and it all seems very familiar. In fact, I have memories of how the other dreams went, but they only last as long as my dream.

In this dream, I am carrying a blue tub, which is a debate term for one of the 10 gallon plastic containers that carry everything. I am walking through an airport, and I think that is my luggage. I know I need to take a shower before I board because I don't want to be gross for the flight. I walk over to this huge gray table where there is a security guard sitting down. He is black.

I put down my tub on the table, and I open it a little maybe to see what's inside but change my mind because he calls me over. He asks from my student ID, I give him my college student ID, and then I walk over to bathroom. I don't remember walking through any door, but I appear in the bathroom at the back right hand corner. I am only wearing a towel at this point. This is a huge square room where there are lines of sinks along the wall, and people sitting in stools near each sink. At the opposite corner (front left) I see a door that is slightly open and appears to be a shower. Where I am seems to be some sort of sauna.

I walk around looking for an empty spot, but I'm not saying anything. I think I'm in PassObs at this point because the scenery is so still and I'm not interacting at all. I find an empty sink and put down a white book I had in my hands apparently. As I sit, I get tapped on the shoulder. It's a black woman wearing what looks like blue scrubs as if she were a nurse.

She says something but I can't hear her because I have my right earbud in randomly. I take it out and do a sort of curt "what?" and she asks me a question I can't remember and I say "no." she proceeds to tell me that I am very rude and that I need to watch the way I speak. This comment makes me really self-conscious and ends the dream because I go into a PassObs state and everything begins to turn black. I think about how my comment really was rude and how I might actually be a rude person without realizing it and that I don't want to be rude in the future.

Dream Fragment 4-- Spider vs. Cat

This dream was a drawn out battle between what seemed like two comic super hero characters that were going to kill each other. Once again, I was passive observer in this dream, watching the scene as if it were a movie and all I could do was watch and think. We are in this darkened room, and I see the SpiderGuy (who is white with black hair, long sideburns, and I can't remember clothing) getting his head hit against a wall. As his head smashes against the wall, he looks to the right, which is looking directly at me. Suddenly, he morphs into a spider, and he crawls around trying to escape.

Because it's night, he is very sneaky and goes underneath a bed that I am on. The opponent, who I never see, starts to wait. After a little bit of no action, the spider crawls along the side of a wall at a fast speed toward the door at the other end of this darkened room. I see the opponent now, in the form of a cat, jump up and try to get him. Freaked out, the spider crawls all the way back underneath the bed, and we wait again.

We wait for a long time, maybe 2 minutes, and then these thoughts enter my head like, he's decided never to come out, what a brilliant strategy. And because thoughts determine reality, I stop thinking about the fight altogether, and just pay attention to this cat that is now sitting near the foot of this bed I am on. The cat, which is orange and white, starts to move toward me a little after I bring my attention to it.

It doesn't reach me though, it turns and climbs into what looks like a crib. There is a black cat that hops in from out of my vision. I assume that these cats know eachother because they start to snuggle. I observe how they interact with each other and try to determine what their relationship is like based on their behavior and what signals they are trying to send to each other. This is my classic PassObs state, where I am just watching an event and being purely analytical about it. I am having these thoughts like "oh, the orange cat is moving away slightly agitated so it doesn't like the black cat that much. The black cat is really needy for attention and affection, but the orange cat doesn't want to give it to him. I wonder if the orange cat knows and is just too cool or what"

Stuff like that. Whenever I go deep into PassObs, I end up either switching dream scenes completely because my environment turns all black and I lose focus on any particular sight because I am caught up in my thoughts or I wake up.

Dream 5-- High School Picnic

This dream starts off in a really nice house. I am with my friend, Will, from high school and apparently his dad and some other people. We all walk into this room that looks like a classroom, but seems to be part of the mansion as well. Everyone sits down on top of a desk because there are no chairs in this room. Some people have some bud that they are smoking and I don't have any so I start looking for some.

Somehow I know that underneath these desks there are drawers that I and pull out. I try a couple and there is nothing in them. I walk over to a separate isle of desks and try again. I find what looks like purely a rolling paper, but as I pull it out I hear a dad say "oh look he got one" so I decide to light it. I have to squish it together and roll it with my fingers for it to remain taut and not fall apart. As I am smoking it I get the feeling like I am actually getting high. My vision starts to blur a little and I completely relax into the situation. My analytical mind goes blank and I just start walking along. I end up walking outside where there are a bunch of other high school friends having a picnic.

They are sitting on these wooden tables that have pizza and chips on them. I see Gefen, and Doug, and David C., and Sean. All of these people I have seen smoke bud at one point or another, so the connection here is clear. As I am walking around, I am trying to have conversations with some of them, but I get in my head and analytical about what we are talking about, which makes me want to move on and do something else because the analytical aspect makes me really uncomfortable and uneasy. I can't talk to anybody without my mind firing a million thoughts per second, so I just wander around high for a while. I never finish my blunt, but I continue to smoke it throughout the dream.

False Awakening 1-- Talking to Daniel

So I am flying to Boston on Thursday, so I wanted to call my friend over at BU to hang out and chill. I did this during a False Awakening and our conversation was like Me: "hey man, I'm coming into town this weekend" "oh nice man.. (something about his roommate)" "I'll be there Thursday Friday Saturday wan to chill" "(says something nonresponsive)" (SILENCE) in my head I go PassObs thinking about whether I should say "are you free?" or just drop the conversation and take his non-committal response as a no. Then I start thinking about all the cool stuff he must be doing in BU and how he just chills until someone asks him to do something and then goes with the flow that way. WOW I get up in my head!!

False Awakening 2-- Comments from Matthew

Yesterday I had a 30 minute conversation with my TA in Writing class about how to do this upcoming project. He talked to me a lot about my analytical mind and how I like to tackle the larger, meta issues of a subject, which sometimes forces me away from the more pragmatic and applicable problems that the prompt is trying to point to. These comments started me thinking about how that applies to my life in everyday situations and how I could change that behavior or what I would need to do in order for that behavior to change.

In my dream, I am writing down geometrical shapes and words on graph paper while listening to a distant voice that sounds exactly like Matthew. He is telling me in my dream that I am too critical and that I need to settle down and relax. I am sorting through the paper trying to find where I put these comments. He is explaining that I already know everything I just need to organize the thoughts and make them cogent instead of muddling the issue and trying to make it more complex. I think I am awake this whole time because I am in my dorm room and everything seems normal.

After enough of these comments, I go into PassObs of self-criticism about my behavior and my ability to learn things and write essays, which causes the dream scene to go black and I wake up.

Dream 6-- Arguments with Friends about Gender

So I am in a separate darkened room with two people that I think I know. They seem to be related because they are lying in the same bed, while I am in my own chair, which I think is a bean bag chair. At first, I am facing them and we are talking about the difference between guys and girls. We are talking about it from the parent's point of view and which would be harder to raise and why.

I don't know what we were saying specifically, but out of synchronicity, the TV turns on, and I swivel around somehow in my bean bag chair. The TV character looks like Jon Stewart and he is explaining how for guys the cost of being raised is like $2 because we don't need anything. For girls it's like $50,000 because they need tampons, bras, and all of these other materials. After the show is over I turn around and we all start laughing.

Dream Fragment 7-- Nurse Mom

I am laying in the bed I sleep in whenever I go to my grandparent's house. Instead of being normal, my legs are hanging off the side and I am lying on some pillows, with my face turned to the side looking at a TV screen with some medicial show playing. I feel sick, and I transition from being inside my body to going PassObs and being a part of the show through the camera. Next, my mom walks into the room with some soup. This dream occurred chronologically after I had the dream where I smoked the blunt, so I was really worried that she would notice the smell of bud. This is an example where I have memories of previous dreams inside of my dream.

She comes over and pats me on the back in a comforting way. I start to get really paranoid and freaked out that she knows, which forces me into PassObs mode and then out of the dream!! Grr!

Dream Fragment 8-- Talking to a DC

This isn't lucid, but I'm in my dorm room talking to a DC. He is explaining to me his experiences with LD and how it helped him in his life. He explains to me how he used to be depressed and lacking in creativity. Then he found the world of LD and he never wanted to leave. It allowed him to fully explore his imagination and take a leap into another world. I suddenly get this vibrant thought of me flying over a city and just racing through the wind. There is a great breeze going through my hair, but the scene is amazing and awesome, and now I am super motivated to fly in a LD!


Overall, my dream recall really improved tonight, but I also think that I was not getting very deep sleep. I was tossing and turning a lot which I think kept my consciousness level higher than normal, but also affected my rest. I didnt hear my WILD alarm go off at 5am, but I still had many FAs which is a sign that my WILDing techniques are getting better. I feel like I am having more and more obvious chances to DILD, which is really encouraging. I am focusing more on RCing during the day and making them serious RCs. I will take deep breaths and start looking around and feeling my clothes in order to get a mixture of sense perceptions. I tell myself throughout the day "When I am dreaming, I will look at my hands and recognize the dream state." I'm really motivated on this WILD journey, and I think that with a little more practice I will start having these WILDs and DILDs tonight! I can see it happening, there is just that little extra step of realizing shit is weird in the dream. I will have to start paying more attention to my reality so that I can say "hey this is a little weird, I'm going to RC" just to ingrain the habit.

Dream 1-- Spice Girls Remix

So, this dream is half passive observer half I'm actually noticing that I'm in my body. Most of my dreams now are pretty sexual because I haven't masturbated for like a week now. I actually feel more energized because of it, but this is a DJ....

So I start out in my room. I'm facing away from my bathroom, meaning that I can see the rest of my room, including my bed and my LoveSac (which is a comfy and huge bean bag chair. I hear this music start to play. My whole screen of vision goes red and I can see this black girl with a golden wig on starting to sing. I think she starts singing a song that's uniquely Spice Girls at first so I can begin to recognize who they are.

This is my Passive Observer state. Here, it's like I'm just the camera for this music video with thoughts and critique. The camera will change easily and there won't be much feeling inside me, just thoughts and analysis of the video I'm watching.

So I see the black girl at first, she's wearing a white Halter top and some skimpy shorts. Suddenly, the camera pans out and I feel like I'm in my body in my room, and I can see all five of them. The song keeps playing and I'm having the realization that I'm listening to the Spice Girls in my room, but it doesn't cause me to RC or wake up. Then, the screen turns all green as the camera focuses in on another of the girls, who looks like she is kind of depressed. She is white with black hair, and she plays the cello. She has a very weird voice that doesn't actually go with the song at all. In my PassObs state, I question the legitimacy of her playing the cello and how it would affect the song. I start listening to the music more carefully and realize that the cello is being played really fast but somehow it works with the music. I get the feeling like in concert she must get really tired.

Pan out again. I'm sitting in the same place looking at all five of them. For one of the verses one of them starts to sing who sounds kinda Asian, and she even makes the comment about how she has the classic Asian accent, as part of the song. What's funny is how this whole time I am trying to remember the lyrics for the song, and I feel really confident in my version, but they keep changing the song into something really random, like at one point they are talking about horses.

Then the video suddenly shifts, and now I'm standing at the doorway to my sister's room, and I see this one hot blonde Spice Girl start doing a seductive dance as the beginning of another song. She is wearing basically nothing, I can see her stomache and legs. I want to F this girl, but I'm in PassObs (oh how I wish I was lucid!). They start another song, but it doesn't last very long because I roll over in bed.

Dream 2-- Busted by the Police for the First Time

So, this dream starts off similar to the other dream where I feel like I'm just a camera that is part of a movie. I am in the sky and floating down as I see lots of people crowded around some rides. There is procession of buses and sounds to my left. There are these silver gates that separate different areas where people are either waiting to get on a ride or are on the ride. It's all out on in the open, all on concrete, but I can't really see the ground because there are so many people.

As I am still floating downward in camera mode, I hear Dave Chappelle tell a Joke that I cannot remember, but I feel like I had it in my memory for a long time because I knew it when he said it. As the camera finally descends, I become a person and start walking around, but I am alone at this carnival. I get to this one section where there aren't a lot of people and I decide to try and start drinking so that I can loosen up and have some more fun. It's the classic red Solo cup filled with beer. As I drink and walk, I realize that I'm like the only one in this part of the Carnival somehow, and so I start walking towards the party. As I get closer, I see out of the corner of my eye that there is a group of police officersstanding on the other side of the metal fence, scoping out the situation and probably carding people.

At first, I feel really confident I won't get IDed as long as I walk confidently and act like I don't even notice them. I remember that I haven't shaved in four days and I have never gotten busted before. I walk past all of them, but the last one says "Hey, get over here" and "Show me your ID." I know I'm fucked, but I'm like "OK" in a calm voice. I start patting my pockets as if I don't know which pocket it's in. He is starting to get impatient and is like "C'mon, C'mon." As I open my wallet, I realize that I don't have my ID. Although in real life there is no real explanation for not having it, in my dream I think back to some event that happened earlier that justifies me not having it. I think about giving me school ID to the cop or this other ID I have, but he's like "You're not 21, I'm giving you a ticket." My heart sinks into my stomache and I feel awful. I can only look down as shame and guilt start to wash over me.

I start to wonder what went wrong, when I look up there is a mirror there. I see that I had been wearing this white polo with purple stripes, I wasn't actually shaved, and I looked 17. I was like wow I am never wearing polo shirts out again, and I start beating myself up mentally like why would I be so stupid to wear out a polo and next time I am coming with friends. Why didn't I come with friends? If I had been here with a frat everything would have been fine, and then I picture myself being with a frat and drinking and having fun and all of that. Then I wake up

Dream 3-- Space Ship Wars

This dream is super obscure, but it involves people from my high school, which should be the most ultimate dream sign in existence for me and I don't know why I can't seem to RC it properly when it happens! I could be having DILDs every night along with my WILDs!!

So the dream starts out at night time. I am on the radio with my teammates and we need to take out with our ships for what I think is a practice run, for fun. I don't remember ever flying these ships before and I can't think of any particular job we have to do for them. I am on some like school track or something, but there is a metal door that opens up like a garage door and reveals my space vehicle, which is shaped like a classic UFO.

It's me Peter, Brendon, and this blonde girl who is really hot. We take off and I'm super shitty at flying my craft. I hear Peter and Brendon talking over the intercom, and I can see a lot of the action out of my front mirror. Most of my movements aren't coordinated with my brain, so they just kinda happen and I have to go along with them. The opponents we are fighting have crafts in the shape of the female sign (the circle with a line down and the horizontal stripe), which is funny because I got shown a binky yesterday that was that exact sign/shape.

We start fighting the female shaped opponents, but I'm not really doing anything. I'm flying around just trying to get control of my vehicle, and I'm failing. I hear them talking about strategy and who they hit and who hit who, but I'm flying into a tree. I dodge the tree by going straight down and my shit crashes into a pool of water. Suddenly, I am swimming with this hot blonde, and Peter comes down too. We are all three in the pool, just relaxing, when Peter gets back in his craft and I get back in mine and we take off again. I still can't control mine for shit, and then Brendon announces that we won, so I land my UFO back into the water.

It's me Peter and the hot girl again and we are like under a bridge but I can see the original place that we hung out before taking off a second time. I'm sort of away from Peter and the girl, feeling a little PassObs but wanting to be a part of the celebration. Suddenly, as if it were part of a movie, the girls floats over to me with a big smile on her face, and we start making out!! I'm really happy.

Dream Fragment 4-- False Awakening After WILD

So I am doing a WILD Journey, and I set my alarm for 5am after going to sleep at 12. I remembered to start counting in my head before falling back asleep, and this night I actually managed to get back to sleep relatively quickly. Looking back, I had read on these forums that usually WILDs will start with false awakenings in the exact bed/room you are in, so you need to get adept/used to RCing upon awakening every time.

I didn't do that and I sat up in my dorm room bed and looked over at my roommate. The scene was kinda fuzzy but it was super weird. My roommate was sitting at the head of his bed, and there was this shirt hanging from a rack. Behind the shirt was this giant slab of meat, and it looked like he was on his computer taking notes about this slab of meat or something. I didn't say anything and nothing else was going on, but I remember thinking about how weird the whole thing was. I fell back asleep and missed my chance to LD from my WILD, but I'm glad I am noticing my FAs and that I actually successfully transitioned!

Dream Fragment 5-- Samurai Fight

This dream was really long, but it got cut extraordinarily short due to the morning time, and I think that messed up my recall. I had been reading The Book of Five Rings before I went to sleep, and so I had sword fighting as a theme bright inside my head for tonight.

There was a large build-up, but me and this guy face off to fight. He starts to charge me and I have all of these thoughts running into my head like how is he going to strike, will I be able to defend, how can I win this. I was getting all excited about fighting him because part of me knew it was a dream and that it was going to be exciting. I think I was on the verge of lucidity when my roommate's alarm clock went off in my opponent's mid stride!! I was so disappointed when I found myself in my bed. It was the first time in a while that I was going to fight in a dream.

Dream 1-- Home Training with Ninjas and Cats

This dream starts out in a miscellaneous location that I cannot recall off the top of my head. What's happening is that me and the other "ninjas" in Ninjitsu are doing drills by lining up and then all completing the same technique, then running to the back of the line. I don't remember actually completing any technique, but I remember looking at the line, and watching people do it. I remember looking at Sensei, standing with his arms crossed and not looking particularly impressed by anything that was going on.

Suddenly, the drills are still going on, but now they are in my house-back-in-Dallas's kitchen. I think there was this white ladder-like thing that people had to climb before they could perform the technique. I sat down in a chair, eating some chips while they all did the technique because I didn't want to stand in the line, but I was still prepared to have my turn I think.

After a while, the scene changes again, and all the people are gone, it ends up being night time, and there is black cat rubbing up against me. Now, I have a cat in my house, but she is orange and white striped. When this black cat starts touching me, I turn into what I have deemed "passive observer." This state is a crucial dream sign for me and is basically where I no longer identify with a body or actually do much of anything. Instead, I am just thinking about what is going on and watching the dream as if it were a movie that I have no control over or stake in.

So, this cat rubs up against my leg, and I use my hand to pet its head. I get this thought that's like I wonder if cats like to be handled this way and what would be the best way for someone to pet me if I were a cat. So I stop petting the cat and it rubs up against my leg again, presumably to get pet again. I am thinking now about why I would rub up against someone's leg if I were a cat (my dreams can be super-analytical sometimes because that's who I am in real life). I don't do anything and the cat remains unmoving, while still contacting my leg, for about 4 seconds, realizes it won't get pet, and then walks away.

Then, it comes back with two other cats in tow. This part of the dream is really confusing, because I was semi-playing with the cats, and they randomly became kind of hostile. I think this dream brought me back to my childhood where I would mess around with and abuse my cat.

I try to incorporate my dreams into my real life because I think they are intimately connected. I try to find those connections within my dreams and see what my subconscious is trying to get me to remember or do in the future.

Anyway, I'm still in my kitchen and these three cats are just walking around. I have a blanket and I playfully throw it over one so that it is completely covered. I have done this to my cat many times, and it would freak out, and sprint up the staircase to hide under a bed. I found this really funny at the time but looking back it was pretty abusive and silly.

So in the dream, the cat doesn't really find that amusing. I take a hold of the blanket again, and the cat starts walking toward me. For some reason I have this thought that the cat is being hostile, so I start backing up until I back up into a wall. The cat continues to approach me so I raise the blanket up to my neck to protect myself. The cat, who looks like a male version of my cat at home, starts to get up on his hind legs and climb the blanket with his front paws. I start to get scared about what would happen and that this cat could potentially claw the shit out of my face.

I think at this point I wake up.

Dream 2-- Detention in the College Kitchen

This dream was rather long, but I can only remember bits and pieces of it.

The general setting is that I am in a cafeteria, and I am serving detention for I don't know what. There are DCs that all seem to me to be relatively dumb but also surprisingly cool. As in, I become a passive observer by analytically assessing the situation and determining that I am not as cool as everyone around me and I'm trying to notice their movements/gestures/words so that I can copy them in the future. I don't really DO much of anything in this dream except observe while the action happens all around me. In my opinion, it's not awful because I'm really interested in figuring how I see the world, but at the same time it serves as a constant reminder about who I am in real life because I will totally zone out during conversations or parties just because I'm so caught up in my head.

Anyway, enough about my problems this is a DJ. So, I am in this large cafeteria with brown tables and yellow walls. It doesn't remind me of any place in particular, but definitely looks like a cafeteria. The first DC I run into is this guy with a buzz cut and a moustache. He reminds me of a thin version of Ryan from my Spanish class, who I don't really talk to except this one time where he brought up that he really likes to smoke weed. I guess it stuck with me.

Thinking about it, this dream is really scattered and fuzzy. The event that stands out to me the most is that there was this poster that someone gave to either me or my friend as a gift in the dream. It was a green poster board with magnets in the shape of dicks placed on it. There were three dick-magnets on the green posterboard, and the guy said that combined they managed to accurately point north or something.

There were marking on the posterboard and I wanted to measure it and figure out if it was legit. I took out a six inch ruler, which I apparently had in my hands, and starts to measure to angle of the distance between the dick-magnets or something. As I got more and more into it, I forgot what I was doing, and I would be blinking and seeing that more pencil would appear on the board even though I wasn't actually drawing anything. I thought the dick-magnets were really funny when I first saw them.

Dream 3-- Tim Jang and Frat Guys Make me Sleepy

This dream was short. It was night time and I was hanging out with Tim Jang, from my high school, and frat guys from college. I always feel out of place in these kind of dreams, where there is partying and alcohol and drugs just because I have abstained from them for the sake of trying to meditate and find my higher self.

So, they are smoking weed and are probably cross-faded at this point, we all walk into an apartment. I am totally passive observer at this point, and I am tired. I can recognize that I am tired because my thoughts feel really heavy and incoherent, my eyes are only 75% open. So I decide to lay down on the bed even though everyone else is still having a party and doing their own thing. I have regrets about doing this even in the dream but I feel like I have no choice because I am so tired and am not conversing with anyone anyways.

When I wake up, all the frat guys are gone but Tim Jang is there. I don't really understand where we are and I look down to see my Halloween costume, which was a large white board acting as my Fbook wall, totally covered in the marks from the guys. The board in my dream didn't really resemble the board of real life because it had two actual status updates from me, which I couldn't read. Something I've found interesting, though, is that text in my dreams is usually legible and will actually keep stable when I look away and look back if I am paying enough attention to notice.

So, I get a little sad/pissed off knowing that my board just got ruining and that I fell asleep when everyone else was having fun. Tim and I decide to walk back to the dorms, but I don't know where we are. We discuss it for a little bit, and then start to walk. Then I wake up.