Dthoughts

Non-Lucid

I'm in the living room sitting next to my mother and my father on a couch 90' in front of us.


I'm pissed and expressing this because during the dream I realize that my father is not my father who is Terence Mckenna. (Terence Mckenna I look up to as a father figure during age 16-20)
Thoughts come up lke, Who is this man? My father is on work-vacation this guy can't be here.
Then my anger gets suddenly directed towards my mother; "If that's not my father, that guy there is ur secret lover!"
"But Terence Mckenna is dead since 2000. That means this guy has pretended to be my father for almost all my life!"
I become more angry at my mother bc her response is not of a real person either. I think subconsciously all this was realizing that these figures in my dreams are not real.
My mother goes on saying, he'll prove that he is real by drinking a glas of whiskey.
"Yeah right? How's that gonna prove anything" He then proceeds to say to break a glass. I'm like, fuk no, give me that glass I will break it. I can't break a coffee glass. I take a little weaker glass and I break it, hardly. I am semi-satisfied. But still kinda pissed at this whole situation and I walk out the door. My mother and father both looking very busy.
I am curious what these programs are doing now. I re-open the door.
In this split-second their whole demeanour has changed. Their faces both look extremely intently at me. They stare at me with eyes of excited exticipation. They show no further sighns of sentience or anything. It's so creepy that I wake up.

I find myself lucid upon re-entry to dreaming. The LD is not so interesting.

Lucid

Total time in lucidity; ~45 minutes.
Recall about a minute's worth..

I'm in my home and I am lucid, Yet, I can't do much dream control. I smash some windows by throwing things. During all this I wake up. I think I really woke up once, then I was like, nah, i'm going back in this LD, and I did, then I had false awakenings, I'm still in my home, during this I throw things at windows because I Believe i'm in a LD. I feel kind of guilty because now I've really thrown shit broken.I remember what someone said on my FB dreaming group about being unsure if ur dreaming or not. How that can be awkward. I see that now, the window is broken. I do a breathing reality check later.
I'm more naturally lucid later and find myself outside;
It starts out angry and excited. It's been months since i've been lucid in dreams. I've feel really trapped in materialism. I am excited to be free. I am frustrated that I am not able to exert basic dream control. I'm still stuck in the laws of the physical dream. I smash a lot of glass at home. I make it the roof and all. There seems to be no people. I don't want to be in my home-town. I remember clearly that I wanted to go to BakingNomad's Appartment. I try closing my eyes and when I open them, I'm there. I've tried a few methods. I got so pissed that I'm still in my home-town that I used that energy to lunge myself into the ground and go underground. This works, but underground is still very similar to my home-town. (there's a sky and houses, just a slightly different scenery) I remember just before waking up that I should use a mirror and this would probably work. That's a good schema. I instead remember BakingNomad's initial guide in the RPG. I stop and do nothing. I breathe. I enjoy the dream. This is the calmest, most serene and probably the most enjoyable moment of the dream, albeit short. Clarity and vividness of the dream increases. There was some object moving around my hands? Yet, I am still manic , I find it difficult to stay put. I probably move around.